Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Call Me a Mistress. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and today I've got with me my bestie shaman. Hello. How you doing Shaman? Oh, I'm just living the dream. How are you? Today, well, you know, it's like 64° out. It's perfect. Beautiful weather. We've got the windows open. It's great. Oh yeah, I smell flowers outside. I heard birds chirping. It's just gorgeous. Out there, gorgeous, right? Beach Beach season's coming up, people.
I mean, we live here on the Gulf Coast and here everyone is in the states of New York, Connecticut, Midwest, and they're freezing their asses off and here we are. Oh, it's like 60s this week. Oh my God, it's so great. I think I'll have a Margarita later outside. Yeah, yesterday we went to this lunch downtown, this little luncheon, and it was so pretty and everything. And then she's like, do you want to eat outside? I'm like, Oh, no flies. You know, it was like 72.
So we're just so fucking bougie. We're so used to this perfect weather. But anyway, so Speaking of perfect weather, Gulf Coast, I always think of our Gulf Coast swingers and I think about, you know, the community here and how it's interesting enough that we've been a part of the community as long as we have. Because I always think, you know, the swingers and the BDSN people are together.
In a lot of places they are. Strangely enough, in some parts of the country I've been, it's actually just a complete divided. Line. Yeah, and that's how a lot of them are. Yeah, but it should. I mean let's be honest, BDSM leads to sex. On some level. On some level, you know. If you're in a relationship or you're just, you know, hanging out with somebody and you want to fuck them, yeah. I mean, purely as an art form it's wonderful, but you know, it can lead to other things and it
can definitely lead to sex. The two should not be so cat and dog in some instances. Yeah. So you were in a Facebook group for your previous military career. I was. And you're just hanging out and you got someone who knows you. Just looking at reels. Looking at reels, nothing too exciting, and this guy reaches out to you and he used to be your Sergeant. Yeah, it was.
God. I hadn't seen him since 2003 or 4. He sent me a friend request on Facebook and we talked back and forth or send reels back and forth for a couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah, just normal stuff. Yeah, but somewhere in his little brain he's thinking it's going to be cool to bring up to you that his wife is a hot wife. Yeah, and that he's her cook. And he has no idea how much of A pervert I actually AM and have been for since I was 19. So he I I get a notification. Here's a photo.
I'm like, OK, you sent me a meme or something. I look and it says, well I'm like, oh, that's his wife and that's her ass. Nice. Just stuck in the air. Stuck and she's a hot blonde. Oh gorgeous woman. Physically absolutely gorgeous. 5 foot 10. Classic Scandinavian features with the almost white blonde hair, double deep breasts and tan skin. I mean, just gorgeous. Yeah, she's gorgeous. I mean, it's almost like she works out religiously because she was like firm in all the
right places. Exactly. So you're thinking, well I used to be a swinger, but how weird is this situation? It was odd because I and he immediately sent a message. I think he got cold feet all of a sudden because he goes, oh fuck. He's like, hey, that was like a pocket dial. And I'm and I told him I was like, hey, man, I already deleted it. I didn't at that point, but I was making them feel better. I just wasn't paying attention to the picture. I told was like, bro, I've been
a swinger. I've been, you know, doing this kind of stuff since I was 19 years old. I was like, even back when you knew me, I was doing this stuff. I had a sex swing in my barracks room. I was like, it's all just white noise to me. I'm just trying to make him feel better. I was like, water under the bridge. Yeah. And then his, he was like, well, that was a boring statement, a boring reply or something. I'm like, bro, what? I'm sick. I'm saying I'm saving you from embarrassment.
And then his next, he was like, I love watching men fuck my wife. And I'm like, OK buddy, how long have you had this on your chest? That's Todd. I was. Like I was like OK that definitely wasn't a boring reply right there, but that's not what I expected bro. Now, see, when you told me this, I told you I said, well, you know, shame. And he probably had the hots for you.
Yeah, even back in the day, you're like, no, Mia, no. And I'm like, look, all these cucks that really get caught up, you know, there's one thing that some cucks feel like they're inadequate, and they're cool with their wife having sex with a guy with a big Dick. Yeah, they're cool with that. But the fact that he goes all balls to the wall and just like, yeah, I want to watch my wife get fucked by dudes, he's envisioning himself getting fucked by dudes.
Yeah, I can believe it at this point. Because I mean, I've had people say to me, oh, you know, guys who I used to date in the past are like, oh, yeah, you know, I just, I can be in the closet and I could hear you getting fucked. I would love that. And I'm like, yeah, that that's kind of cool. I'm like, you don't want to be in the room. No, no, no, no, no. I I want to be just listening to it so I could see that perspective. But this guy, he wants to
visualize everything. Don't get me wrong, if I'm walking around the place at a party and I just happened to look and they got the, you know, a door open, yeah, I'm watching because like I said, I'm a perv and this is porn in real life. Yes. Absolutely, I'm going to probably get a snack while I watch. As we all would. Hey can I get a term with that? You know, before you and I met, this was absolutely hilarious.
I had a very vanilla friend for the first time come to my party, and he was brought here by one of my friends in the King community. OK, her name, she, she's like Jessica. We're going to call her Jessica. She's she's real casual. She's really fun, but she was never with the type of person just have like, gang bangs or anything crazy. But she told my friend, I told her friend at the time his name's James. She told James she's like, hey, there's this party tonight.
Instead of going, you know, out to dinner and everything, we could go to this party and she serves great food and we could have fun. And he's like, oh, OK, count me in you. Serve good food at the party. They show up and he's wearing this shirt that Walmart put out and it's the cats with the planets. Oh my God, I remember the. Shirt like the space Kitty cat shirt. So I thought I I met him and I said, hey, James, it's really nice to meet you.
I said, why are you wearing a Kitty cat T-shirt to a sex party? And he's like, I first did not know this was a sex party. Because he lives by the puss, and he dies by the puss. And ultimately, from that woman on, he and I became instant friends. And I have him down in my phone as Kitty cat James, you know, Kitty cat shirt James, I think. But yeah, he's a cool guy. He really is. But any who they at the party, She had been to the parties before Jessica already knew, but
James had no fucking clue. He goes to put their beer in my refrigerator. He's walking in the kitchen and he's watching this chick. She is double pounding, fisted, pounding, two guys Dicks and she's sucking a Dick right by my refrigerator. Fantastic. And there's a center table in the center of the kitchen, and he's trying to figure out how he goes around them without breaking up the scene, like, oh, excuse me, can I put my beer in
the fridge? Honestly, at that point, you just got to let the scene play out. You do? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not even trying to be funny here. It's like, look, hey, you don't, you know, they got they're in the zone. Yeah. Unfortunately, it's where you need to go. But hey, next time bring do what I do, bring a cooler. Bring a cooler. Yeah, he came out and he was just like, yeah, there's somebody giving a very aggressive blowjob in the kitchen as well. It's common.
That's good, but it's OK. I've I've gone to the parties, I got to use the restroom. I come, I go to the restroom. Look at that. You guys are fucking on the toilet or okay, I'll, I'll go somewhere else. I'll find a Bush. Fucking on the counter in the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. So at this point, back to your original story. OK, so your your hot wife is contacting you. The husband is contacting you. Yes. And they're like only four hours away from Pensacola. They are.
And I'm, I was sitting there talking to her. He would be sending me pictures, tell her how hot she is. And I was trying to. I wasn't playing it cool. I had honestly, just because of our past. Yeah. I wasn't interested. But, you know, she sent me a friend request on Facebook, and I was just going to talk to her normally, you know, normally I was respectful, not hitting on her, not flirting with her. And she wasn't, you know, you know, she was seeing mutual.
She wasn't doing the same with me. Cool. I made a friend. Yeah. And that's when things got dark. There are a lot of broken people in this lifestyle and unfortunately, I think both of them fit the category pretty well. It started getting pretty weird. It went from she started joking with I thought she was joking. She's like, you know, I could really use a golf cart.
I'm like, well, I hope you buy 1. I don't know what it is for Florida people and golf carts, but she every time it got to the point, every time, every time I would bring, you know, I would talk to she'd bring it up at some point. And I finally realized she wasn't kidding. And I asked her, I'm like, Whoopi, I was like, you have a husband. I have no attachment to you at all. What makes you think I'm going to buy you a golf cart? And she says, and I'm not joking here, it's because you're
single. You don't have a wife or girlfriend. That was her justification. And I'm like, look, and I had to spell it out for draw a hard boundary. I told her I was like, look, it's not my place to buy you things. I don't do that. I was like, there are girls that we know that have given me blowjobs and I'm not going to buy them a freaking golf cart. Yeah. And she go, you know, and things started getting weird from there. And I, I even told, you know, you know, I don't call him a friend.
I haven't seen him in over 20 years. He's a memory, but an acquaintance, sure. Like, hey, man, why is your wife asking me to buy her stuff? He goes, oh, well, you know, you know, just trying to play it off and, you know, it's a joke. I'm like, bro, it's not a joke. And then things started getting kind of twisted. She'd she'd messaged me and one time he actually gave her my phone number and she called me. That was weird because I was like bro why are you giving her my phone number?
Yeah, and she called you, and she's saying that she thinks that you're in love with her. Yes, exactly. You know, it just came out of nowhere. We're just talking about normal stuff. How's your day going? My day's going get blah, blah, blah. You know, and she starts talking about how I'm her bestie or we're besties and I'm like, and I set it out and played English. No, we're not. I I've less than two weeks. Yeah. I was like, I you're my best friend, honestly. And it took you years. Yeah.
I was like, you don't know me well enough. Nearly well enough to give, you know us that distinction. Yeah. And it started going further from there. She was like, well, I think we have a cosmic connection. I'm like, whoa, no, we don't. And that's when it came out and I was telling her this stuff the whole time, just short, terse. No, we're not. No, we don't. And she goes, well, I know you're in love with me. And I just my brain strokes out for a second. My exact words were I'm sorry,
what the fuck did you say? She goes, you heard me. I'm like, no, I don't think I did. She goes, you're in love with me. And I don't know how to handle it. It was like she was reading off a script. And unfortunately, after that, I had to cut contact with both of them. I was like, look, because there was also, she was starting to, you know, when I rebuffed her on that, it started suddenly, oh, he's an abusive husband just out
of nowhere. And once you've dealt with people like this before, you don't really know what's reality and what's not. And I was like, look, I, I can't prove it, but I honestly think you're lying. I think you're just trying to play for sympathy at this point, you know? And frankly, it sounds like you guess she would ask me, you know, my future career plans. She's like, well, if you found the perfect woman, would you still do that? And I'm like, well, yes, I'm
like, she's fishing. Absolutely. You know she's fishing for a replacement. Oh, 100%. And I was like, look, and I cut her off immediately. Just cut contact. And just in all fairness, I cut contact off from him because, you know, one thing I really value in my life is my piece. And I'm like, look, YouTube brought this in the, you know, into my world and I just, I'm getting rid of you. I'm cutting you off because sometimes that's the best thing you do. Don't string along people.
Don't try to fix them. Don't try to help them. You know if they if they're crossing lines that you don't want, get rid of them. Yeah, and I think that's why we're going to do this episode surrounded by the fact of being a swinger and all the shit that can happen and how quickly things just snowball, you know? Because I always say that there's couples that swing, they can handle it like adults, and they do it to enhance their sex life and their relationship, and
it's all good. And they can separate the fact that love is not sex and sex is not love. And the pitfall of that, the opposite side of that spectrum is unfortunately, there's people and couples out there. They're using it, they're trying to swing to fill a hole in their lives. And I'm going to be honest with you, swinging isn't going to freak. It's not going to fill that void. Nothing. No. And yo, all you're doing is delaying the inevitable.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I mean, you know, we've had the Griswolds, we've had them on the the podcast and, you know, they've had some wild adventures, but you know, their rule is always that they play together. Yes. And I think as it should be. Classic perfect rule. Yeah, right. And you know, then you have other wives that again, you have the cuckold situation and she's obviously cucking him. And it can work for people because it's trusted
communication. But when you're dealing with someone who's mentally unstable and you managed to find those people. I am a loony magnet, aren't I? You are a loony magnet shaman. You truly are. Now I will say that you have that one, one lovely girl come down and she's on fat and I love her. She listens to the podcast Ivy and when I met her I was like, yes, she is not nuts. This is great. What do you think? I was like, oh thank God you're not crazy. I know, I know.
And I'm like, gosh, she's so cool, she's attractive. And then of course, the Griswolds were like, oh, she's hot, we're gonna fuck her, you know? I'm sitting here. I'm sitting here looking like, hey, hey, hands off my Kool-aid. But but yeah, she was like one, one person who was semi normal, like all of us. And because none of us are normal, you know, we're all crazy on some level. But damn, when you were telling me about this hot wife and that whole situation, I was like,
Jesus, you know? That it just if I were to, if I were to guess, I'm not a mind reader, you know, I can't, you know, but if I were to go ahead and make an assumption, gay man in deep denial married a very attractive woman for, you know, seemingly status purposes. Said attractive woman is oh, she's so crazy, just extremely crazy. And on top of that, a manipulator to boot. Yeah, yeah. It's funny, you know, it's Valentine's and we're recording about swingers and her unstable
relationships. It just occurred to me that it was. Just eat some chocolates and coke. Yes, exactly. You know, we've got we've got different codes in the lifestyle. And like I said, I think the BDSM lifestyle coincides with swinger lifestyles. No matter how they want to say it doesn't, it still does. We've talked about this at the beginning of the episode, but you know, when you have swingers, there's such thing as soft swap and soft swap is basically over the clothes.
It's a just a basic connection. You can make out with opposite sex or whatever in that opposite couple, that kind of situation. And then you have hard swap where then it's full blown sex. Oh yeah, you know. My favorite? Your favorite? Yeah, but you were doing this in Colorado. In Colorado. I mean, it's a wealthy town. You probably really went to some great parties. You met different people and you had a great time. So many different people, so
many different backgrounds. And frankly, yeah, at the time, I haven't been to Colorado in about 5 years, but at the time, yeah, it was, if you could think of it, it was probably going on. There were swinger groups. And honestly, a big one, you know, by the time I left and came back home was Polly Households. These people are all single, but they're all in relationships under one roof, living together. I saw about six or seven of those families all living
together. You know, it was, it was it. Colorado has a very surprisingly healthy, you know, BDSM and swinger scene. Yeah yeah, Oprah and Zell. He is like a Co founder of the term Polly family and it was his wife, his late wife Morning Glory who actually coined the term back in like the Sixties 70s. I did not know that. Yes, he is a very just just a really incredible man to talk to. He has published multiple books. He has masters and a doctorate
in psychology. I mean, he's just in a very intelligent man and you know, he was talking about. He thinks the reason people swing or go to the option of being in a Poly relationship is because he feels like one partner can't meet the needs of the other partner and vice versa in its entirety. It's possible, yeah. That's definitely a strong theory.
My years in it and you know, the people I've met in it, there's so many various reasons as to why like I, you know, I can be completely monogamous if I want to be. I have that capability, sure. But if I have someone within the lifestyle who, you know, is of the same mindset as me, why can't we come to a party and, you know, sample more than just the food? Sure. Why not? There's no jealousy there. Yeah, it's just good physical fun. Exactly. And that's my mentality on it.
Exactly. Exactly. I don't know, I'm one of those jealous bitches. I would, I feel like, you know, I really would not want someone else touching my husband unless it was a dude. Yeah, you know, I mean, I know that women are not going to compare to what I do for him, which is cool. But I always want to see guy on guy. So it's like I have played with couples but it's been 2 dudes.
You nasty little pervert you. And then I did play with one interracial couple years ago and it was a male female. And you know, that was fun, but it was still like, I still want to be center of the tension, you know, I still want to be the one bitch. That's there's nothing wrong with that at all. That's actually very common.
Yeah, it is very common, yeah. But we have met a lot of interesting people in the swingers groups and everything, and I think they just really know how to have a good time. I think it's fun. We deal with the swing dancers, for example. Oh, they're wonderful, aren't they? Full they they come, they have fun, they're very just. Very strong relationship. Yes, yes. And they're very charismatic with other people. Oh yeah, they're both bisexual. You. Can't help but like them.
No, you can't. So I think that the swinging lifestyle isn't for everyone, but I think there needs to be obvious common rules for what you share and what you don't. Oh, if you do not have rules, your relationship is going to explode and it's not going to end well. Yeah, because we've seen it happen. Yeah, obviously. I have seen people come to parties and they just thought they might like the idea of it. And once it was in, you know, in motion, yeah, yeah.
It was just an entire scene, just dramatics until they left the gate. It's interesting, I had this one one couple and they've been to multiple parties. My theory of it is if you are on the prowl to fuck somebody, like look your best, but thank you, right, Look your best. Well, this bitch, she would look so dumpy when she came to parties. And I just, I never understood
this rationalization. Her whole goal was getting a big Dick. And I just happened to know this older gentleman and he reminds me of Clint Eastwood, always does because he's an older guy. But this man just built his own house with his two hands. Fantastic. I mean, he's an electrician, he is talented and he's got this massive 1011 inch Dick and he has stamina. Of course he does of. Course he does some. People get it all, yes. Exactly.
And so I tell people, you know, this is big Dick Tom, you know, look at this. Look at this big Dick, you know, And we've taken pictures with it, with this glorious Dick. Anyway, anytime I've known anyone to fuck Big Dick Tom, they always tap out if that tells you something. Yeah, it does. Right, so we're doing this and this dumpy bitch comes to me and says I want a big Dick and I'm like, you need me big Dick, Tom. I introduced her to him and man,
she put her nose up quick. Oh yes, I. Was like why you want to be a snotty bitch about it? I'm sorry, are you here for the face? Are you here for the Dick? Thank. You, you said Dick. You said Dick. He was an older gentleman, and I guess that's what she had a problem with. Maybe she wanted someone young, but I mean, damn. Well, that goes both ways, too. Let's talk, you know, How about the fellas? Yeah, guys, I know it's going to be summer.
Yeah. If you're coming to an adult party, don't show up like you can't. You're just coming down, you know, from a fishing trip. Thank you. You know, thank you you know, the cheap polo from Walmart, the cut off jeans or just the cargo, not or the. Cargo shorts the. Cargo shorts bro, this isn't high school. Yeah. You're not coming, you know You're not coming to a you know kegger is. Stop dressing like a 9th grader. I hate investing cargo shorts.
I was like them. I'm sitting here right now, so you're. Sitting here in the studio, you've got the white linen shirt on, you've got dressed jeans, you're hanging out. I. Got AI, got a like a freaking $80 quarter. I'm wearing a ball cap. It's an $80 corduroy cap. I'm just casual today and I'm still trying to look the best I can. Yeah, and you smell nice. Thank you. Yeah, you smell nice. I like that Cologne. It's like step, you know?
I mean, you don't have to. You don't have to change your whole wardrobe, guys. Yeah, just a few nice outfits that you hang up in the closet. And when you go, oh, I'm going to a party where I might get laid. Yeah, dress up. Dress up. Peacock a little bit. Exactly. Shave the back, wax it, do something. Yeah, exactly. You can ask Mistress me over here. I rarely if ever come to a party and I'm not on point. Exactly, exactly. And you always get hit on and you don't see.
It I do not notice it. You do not notice it at all. I have AI have a touch of the tism so yes. I was like touch of it. There's that that episode of Shane Gillis where he does stand up and he was like, yeah, I just kind of barely missed it, you know? Pretty much. That's a great but but yeah, you know, there's so many women that come and they're just very open to flirt and just have fun. And then there's some women that don't, they don't want to flirt. They don't really want to put
themselves out there. There was a couple and they were sitting with one of my other friends. They were by the pool and they were a nice looking couple, but they didn't approach anybody, you know, Did you see anybody that interests you? And they're like, yeah, yeah. Cold feet. Cold feet, yeah. Throw an adult porn. You have a tour guide, somebody who's friendly, you know? I was going to say, and you always make a great tour guide. Oh, thank you.
You know, you al couple of other people, you know, they come and and help. Oh, Punky Punky's great too. Fantastic. Yeah, and that's the thing. You go around and you're just like, hey, you know, this is where you can eat. This is, you know, the part of the living area. Hey, these are some great tents you can go and check out. Exactly. Now we're getting ready for another one come April and I, you know it's going to be right at spring.
It's going to be a little warm. We're just going to play it by ear, see how things go. Oh, springtime. It's springtime, they're horning, yes, So we're going to see how that goes. But do you have any key points to remind people on what it's going to be like going into the swinger group and swinger community? You know what they should do if they're new to it as a couple.
As a couple, yes, before you take that first step and reach out and, you know, before you try to find a group or, you know, maybe just another swinger, couples sit down with each other and just layout the ground rules. That's it. Be willing to compromise on some things that you know to make your partner happy. And then most importantly, when you do take that step out into this world, you stick with those rules no matter what. I mean, those rules are law and if you break them, you break a
trust. And I've seen so many swinger couples that they let their hormones or their emotions get the better of them in a moment and they just destroyed a relationship. Best case scenario, almost destroyed the relationship. This is just to add some spice. It's to add a little extra fun. Meet people. It's not worth your marriage. It's not worth your engagement.
It's not worth just losing your girlfriend or boyfriend over Sure. And if you meet another couple out there and they push a boundary respectfully and politely let you know that there is a boundary, that there is rules that you 2 have, and if they don't respect it, you just cut them out. Yeah, I think too, because of the lack of communication from people, it's kind of like the Griswolds. They have met different people and it's usually they're trying to find just a single guy.
Yeah, and they've had like 3 or 4 different single guys they've met up with who've either ghosted them before they ever met, or they meet them and the guy is completely impotent. Yeah, that's a that. Honestly, that's a problem. And a lot of guys, you're going to find single male swingers everywhere. We're a dime a dozen. Yeah. And one thing, a lot of guys love the thought of this kind of stuff.
A lot of single guys do. But when you're in that moment, and I've been victim of this, I'm man enough to admit it. Sometimes your brain doesn't want to do what the body wants to do. Sure, you suddenly get cold feet. You start feeling insecure. It's just that gamble you're going to have as a single male swinger or meeting single male swingers. It's just a reality of the nature of the beast.
And a lot of these guys, I'm willing to, I'm willing to bet that they were meeting that ghost of them or were impotent. They were first timers. Probably so. And that's something I would tell to any single male swinger out there who wants to get into this. Any potential male swinger. Don't start out as a single male swinger. I know that sounds kind of crazy. Find a like minded partner or just frequent some party adult party, some sex parties you know
and make up your mind. Get comfortable in this kind of environment before you fully try to commit to it. Or guess what, your Dick is going to go crawling up into your. Scrotum. Into your You know it's going to try to hide when it's time to when it should be time to dance, because your brain's still not you. Why you might like the thought of this. Your brain still isn't comfortable with it yet. This isn't normal life, you know? You know where we're at
culturally. Yeah, because there's another dude in the room and he's either participating or just watching. So it's it's an acquired taste. Yeah, it definitely is an acquired taste. So you just gave the advice too, as a single male, don't go in single. Go with a friend, go with someone. Yes, yeah, that's always good advice. That's very cool. And no alcohol. There you go. Somebody out there is listening. Like what are you talking about? It's a party.
If you're new to this stuff and you're trying to perform, you're trying to get that Dick hard, No booze for you. Yeah. Until you're used to the environment, yeah. That's definitely good piece of advice. Go to the doc, get some pills, I don't know. Yeah, why not, right? Seriously, out there, they'll just give them to you. Yes, See, Alice does wonders for a lot of people. Well, I think we'll leave it on that. I'll leave it on that note. That was fun. Oh. Yeah, this was a lot of fun.
Good. All right. So until then, Shaman, thanks for coming out and. Thank you for having me. Yeah, absolutely. That's been interesting. It's always interesting. I'm an interesting. Guy. Interesting guy. All right, so until then, this has been the latest episode of Call Me Mistress.