Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's Dungeon. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and you know the Barbie. Speed rushing, chewing a pretzel so I could say hi in time. It's OK, take your time. So Barbie and I have not recorded an episode in almost a month and 1/2. We both went to jail. Well, you might have. I did disappear. I disappeared for like 2 weeks on Mia you. Did you did? But I couldn't talk anyway.
And as if the listeners couldn't already tell they're going to be hearing my voice, I actually have ulcers on my vocal cords. So sad. It is sad. I I'd gotten a virus and then an accumulation of the virus attacking my vocal cords and acid from getting so sick and everything else for three weeks I was really sick. The doctor told me the ENT said you've got a bunch of ulcers on your vocal cords. And so I'm just now starting to
actually talk. Yeah, 'cause I feel like last time I talked to you, you were like texting on your phone. The whole time that's all I could really do. And so now he, it's been a month and a half almost. But the doctor said, you know, I'm really not going to have full capacity of my voice for four months. Yeah. So yay. Yeah, we had a we had a party. Oh, it's been a minute. Because we didn't get to film like right after the party, but we had a party and Mia couldn't talk.
So it was like playing charades at the door to see like what she was trying to get us to tell people. I was guessing wildly incorrectly and going with whatever I said. So. Well, you know, and I kept, I was using that that text to talk and I can't text quick enough and I'm always this type of
person I'm going to have. To text her so I would have died if I had to do. That I'm telling, it's terrible because you know, when you want to say something, it's like you can't get it out, you can't say it. And then so I was telling Bree. Bree was supposed to be my right hand man. Yeah. Do the love, Bree. But that was never going to work. It was. Never going to work and. That girl loves to wander, Oh my God. And she was telling people, oh, yeah, Mia's sick. She can't talk.
I'm like, please tell people I'm not contagious. Please tell people it's not infectious. People need to know these things. Speaking of infectious, one time it was like 2 years ago there was like a goth night at this punk bar we all like and a whole punk scene with there and this one bitch showed up and she had I want to say like strep and every fucking person at that event got strep at the same time. I shit you not, it was literally like like 20 different people
like were out with strep. It like took the whole scene out for like 3 weeks. It was literally insane. I managed to get out of that. Like I got sick for like a day, but dude, like I remember like like someone like well got on Instagram, they're like, yeah, so and so went to the party sick. That's why everyone has strep now for that picture part that comments. I was like, holy fuck, why did you do that? Especially because it was around COVID time too. So what is going on? Wow.
Well, before we get to the party, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my trip. So two days before I left, my niece comes over. She's going to watch my my babies and everything. And she hugged me, hugged her. And I got the virus from her. And she was sick for a month. But she had her voice. It didn't bother her. Yeah. But Needless to say, I went to Vermont for my sister in law's wedding.
It was gorgeous. But when you go up to Vermont, you drive through in parts of New York and New York, there's one bathroom at one little place for 3040 plus miles. Oh wow, it's awful. It is so bad. Is that like 'cause it's rural or? There's parts of it that were rural, but there's other parts. We were on the Interstate. They don't have rest areas. Pop squat. It's terrible, you know, and you
know, in Florida we're spoiled. Like we have beautiful Interstate. So yeah, but we have beautiful Interstate. We have, you know, beautiful roads. We have, you know, really nice rest areas. And I'm telling you, the further you keep going north, how's it really it's? Awful. I haven't gone that far north. It's, it's so bad. You know, there's beautiful parts to New York when you're not in the city, you know, yeah, parts of, you know, upstate and everything.
And but it's like stopping at a little place and it's a little hole in the wall and it's the only place around and they have one bathroom. And they know exactly why you're there. Oh yeah, I mean, it's terrible. And Oh my God, I, I would wait in the lines to get in the bathrooms and it's just like you wait in line just for anything and everything to get a. UTI doing all that.
It was terrible. You're you're a better woman than me because I am. I have been known to grab a napkin out of my purse and go. I'll see you in a minute. Go behind a dumpster. I don't know, You know, my husband is one of those people where he's just like, Oh my God, you're going to get arrested. I'm like. Look, my dad like that. See, I'm like, look, I'm a pretty girl. I'm not going to be weird if I'm
pissing in public, thank you. They're just going to be like, baby, you need to go to a bathroom. No, they're. Going to be like, hey, can I take a picture of that? Right, yes, come on. We're not you know, we don't have big Dicks swinging around. You know, it's like, come the fuck on. And then I told my husband, I'm like, look, you have a penis, you can get out. And he's like, I'm not going to I can't do it. I can't do. It also on the side of the Interstate.
I don't think a cop's going to, like, get you. Yeah, and there it was so many. There was like rural roads too. Once you got off the Interstate, there's nothing around. Well, also because it's like they usually arrest you for public urination because it's like you're exposing yourself or you're peeing on property. If you're just like on the Interstate pulled over and you're in the tree line pissing, they don't give a fuck. I know you love this conversation right now. Thank you.
Me and I discussed were to pee publicly for 5 minutes. That is OK, It is all right. But I will say you and I, Barb, we need to take a road trip and. So we can pee on the side of the road. Exactly, exactly. And then we'll do the like the honking. Motion, we'll be downtown, we'll like be done drinking, clubbing. And we used to park. I don't know why we used to park all the way at one side of downtown because it was free parking. Yeah. We parked there like the first time we went out.
And then that was just where we always parked. I shit you not. It's like a mile walk. And so at the end of the night, we're walking like the 20-30 minutes to our car and there's no bathrooms, There's no nothing. And, you know, like when the drinks hit you, you know how many times to go. Oh, yeah. It's, it's a gaggle of girls looking for a, a tall Bush to hide behind. Yeah. And I've done that.
Now I'm smarter. I park closer to the clerb so I don't have to run like 45 minutes back to my car. But at the time we were like, it's cheap parking. You were like, there's cheap parking everywhere. Get over it. Right. But no, it I sometimes have to pee and I just like my body doesn't tell me until it's like, OK, you're going to piss yourself in five seconds if you don't find a bathroom. So I'll tell you, we get to Vermont. Everything was a rush, rush situation.
Yeah, now I'm listening because I've got a cough drop in my mouth. But we get there. It's late. I had to cook for his family we were staying with had to. Yes. Well, a little bit of both. OK. You know, I wanted to help. You know, we had rented this big Airbnb for their family and for my in laws and everything. And, you know, his parents were going out to meet the other family and it was, you know, his elderly grandparents and everything. So it's like I got to cook for
these people. I can't just not, you know, right. But I felt bad. We're doing all this the next day. It's the wedding. We go to the wedding. The best part was I got hit on by a waitress. That was the best part. It was like, this is great. How old is she? She was probably mid 20s, maybe 2526. She's a little older than you. Sexy brunette, great body, perfect titties, like really sexy woman. It was interesting because she kept coming and bringing this hors d'oeuvre.
It was prosciutto wrapped in leek salad. And I was like, oh, this is so good. I said, darling, you don't have to, you know, twist my arm to keep, you know, getting these hors d'oeuvres. These are amazing. So I would take one and then give another one to my husband. And she says, well, you can twist my arm later if you want. Oh my goodness. I know. I was like, oh, OK, you know. And so my husband. She liked an older woman. She liked an older woman. It was interesting.
She was feeding you. She was like, I like them big. So she kept pumping over doors at you. So. I walk away and my husband then says, you heard what she said, didn't you? And I said, yes, honey, I I I heard that. And he's like, yeah, well, you know, And the thing it is in parts of Vermont, we're literally staying in a village. There's no hotels. Yeah, that's it.
You either rent an Airbnb or you go to AAB and B. And so he's like, yeah, so much for your idea of staying with family, with all of us. You could have been fucking the hot waitress while I watched. And I was like, look, I get it. I'm sorry. It was funny as you didn't say anything. She said it. She. Said it. He's mad at you because she had on you? Yeah. He was mad that we couldn't do a follow up because he told me he's like, I know the rules, I just watch, that's what I want to do.
And I said I know. I said I'm sorry I rented this airbeam because he didn't want to stay with his family. He wanted to get a hotel. But you know the. Hotels. Were 45 minutes away. Yeah, it was a hassle. I'd miss it this time. But Needless to say, we we had a great time at the wedding. And of course, with all of this, I'm losing my voice. I was speaking a little better than I am now. We they had a high karaoke guy that was doing everything.
And so he's passing around the microphones to everyone. And so then my husband turns around and he's like, you've got to sing, you know, because I was a voice major, you know, studied apparatus, studied jazz. You know, I'm like, well, you know, I'm sick, but OK, I'll, I'll swing it. I'll do it. So I get up, I sing for almost an hour. An hour, yes. What do you sing for an hour? Well. Different songs I sang like Adele, Bob Seger.
You know, it was funny because I started singing Jolene and then I sang another song about cheating that Adele sings. And then I said to my my sister-in-law just got married to her husband. I said hey guys, this is no reflection on you that I keep singing songs. Like they're just popular songs. Just. Popular song. Every popular song is about cheating. And before I started singing, one of his uncles was being so obnoxious because they were already, you know, drunk at this point, you know?
As you should be. Right. It was getting feedback because I had another microphone on the table. So of course I go over and I said, hey, I hear your voice. You want to keep talking or you want to shut up while I get ready to sing. And he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I'll be quiet. So does this is this is his family, so they don't know what you do. They have no idea. OK, that's none. Yeah, none whatsoever. How do they feel about y'all being such an age gap?
You know, they were really questioning things at the very beginning. I mean, we've been together 11 years, right? But you know, he was only 21. And how old 32? Yeah, I was 13 years older at the time. I mean it's. One of my friends showed up with a 33 year old. I think I'd also ask questions. Ryan. I actually had that happen to me. I had a friend when we were 21, she was dating a 32 year old. Did not end well. He was weird but.
And then his grandmother said to him, well, you need to get a prenup. And I'm like what the fuck you're the one with? Money. Thank you. Thank you. They're screwing him over with that, yeah. They had no idea. That's so funny. Isn't that funny? It's usually the opposite. Like usually you get a prenup for the younger person. Yeah, not a prenup for the older person. Right. That's hilarious.
It was so funny. But at that point, you know, I had, my sister-in-law had lived with us for a brief time. And, you know, she was 26. She was still a virgin. She was still very sheltered at home. And when she came down here, you know, I helped her. I exposed her to a lot, you know, the dating scene. And I told her eventually what I do, you know, But it was quite funny because I know that she likes BDSM. Yeah. At some point, we all get
together the last day. We're all there and we're all at the Airbnb and I said, hey guys, let's take a big family photo. Let's do one really serious picture and then we'll do one silly picture. So when her and her husband are doing the silly picture, he goes and acts like he's choking her. And she looked like she enjoyed it way too much. That's super funny. So funny, but it was a great time. It really was.
We all had a great time. And then, like I said, I got back and you know, you and I are just catching up. We are so the party, yes, So the day after the party. This is why we didn't record. I was. There actually, it was the first time I spent the night. When did you sleep well? I did you had this little bed. I did. I felt very magical in there. It was this bed. No one played on it.
I checked, but it was this bed Mia has in the living room and you have the the these super tall ceilings with like this giant chandelier and you had on these like water lights and red lights and I was laying there. I was like, oh, I only just need like an ocean wave soundtrack and I'm never leaving this room. I sent it to my friends. I was like, look where I'm sleeping. What the fuck are you?
I never spend the night. I literally have driven home from me. Is it like what, 4:00 in the morning before and you're like spend the night? I'm like, no, I'm so hard to track down. I'm. So sure. I'm I'm an elusive little fucker. So tell us, tell the listeners, what was your perspective on the party, what you think? Oh. The party's really fun. I feel like I I know I really
like the setup of this party. I know that's such like a non answer, like everyone wants to hear about the tank and I'm like, I really like how we arranged the tense. But I did because I think I've been talking to you for like a while now about like optimizing arrangement because I'm. Taking your advice. Yeah, well, the way we had it before was good. But I feel like because I know me and you have talked about condensing everything and how it makes the party feel more lively.
And when you kind of put people more on top of each other, not like in a tiny way, but like, it makes parties feel fuller and it makes people more like, oh, I just whacked the hell of the mic. It makes the people more like likely to play, you know, especially like when they're up on top of each other and they can't escape it.
And you can't like. Well, because before like there was too many dark corners so everyone would run off in a dark corner and then the party looks empty now, like no dark corners, you all have to hold hands in the circle. I'm just kidding. But we put like 4 tents together and made like one big room. We filled it with carpets and beds and pillows and lights. So cool in there and people loved it. Like there's people playing in there all night. We put like one piece of kink
furniture and a few beds. Like I'm pretty sure like a small gangbang happened in there. There was like BDSM happening and then there was a bunch of like seats. So there's a lot of people watching too. And it was right next to the pool. So that was super fun and yeah, I enjoyed this part. I feel like it was a really good
vibe. Everyone who came was like participating, you know, like, because sometimes you get people who come to parties and just kind of sit there and there's nothing wrong with it. But this, we had a it was a good crowd. Everyone who came was like down and like doing stuff, you know, with a girl orgy fell through. But that was my fault. I don't know how to organize an orgy and I don't know why I volunteered to help do that. A great job. You did the fabulous job.
We're interested in doing it. And then at 11, I was doing a scene or supposed to start and one of the the swingers couple came up to me and it was the husband. He was like, hey, is, is the order going to happen? And I was just like I don't know in my head I was like y'all know how to have sex just go have an orgy. Do I have to point where y'all are supposed to go do it?
Like and I'm not trying to be rude I was just stressed because I was like he didn't know but he was like the 8th person that asked me about this damn orgy I'm not in. And I'm like, I don't know, go find bitches. The fuck I don't know what I'm doing. You were like hey come here girl, come here, lick her pussy. Dude, I'm just like you. You there, you there. I'm just passing. Out her face Well. You know the I don't know what she wants to go by, but I'll call her. What's a Yee Haw cow?
Yeah. She wanted to be involved and she's hot. Everyone likes her. Fuck yeah. Throw a little trans girl in the orgy. It's going to be great. That all natural strap. Right there. Fuck yeah. She's gorgeous. Well, good. Maybe it'll happen this time. Yeah. So is the your next one like a party party or like? Yeah, you know. It started off because when you first told me about it.
Yes, I downplayed it. Yeah, well, that's kind of why I was like, part of me was like, I don't really know anybody. If it's like an intimate party, it might be weird if I go, but now that I know it's like not I'm like, I'll go. Exactly. Why do I get so shy like I know my work here. Because everybody likes you. You're such a likable person, so. Shy. You're such a likable person, you know, He had someone that wrote me on fat life the other day. Were they asking you to take me
off the podcast? No they were not, he actually said. Hello Mistress Mia, just a message to say I love your podcast with the addition of Barbie. You guys bring such a new and fun dynamic. I laughed during all the podcasts with her. Also loving your mistress me a bedtime story. I reckon you should have a separate podcast channel dedicated to your stories. It'll be much easier to have them listen to actually listen to them. Anyway, keep up with a fantastic
podcast. Oh nice, that was the gentleman. Aw, that's sweet. Thank you. That was so sweet, wasn't it? But you know, I'm like you. I took your advice to condense the party. You know, when I I had it in my mind initially, you know, we're doing the birthday party for Storm. I was like, you know, I always feel like why should I slide everybody and just turn it into or have it as a small party when I could make it a big party and invite more people? Yeah, you know. I like how you do it.
You just open it like how the open dungeon was. Yeah. And if people want to show up, they can, you know, and without the expectation of all the work you have to do for, like, a normal party. Yeah. Are you going to do? I'm still yeah, I'm going to put out snacks. I'm going to do. The charcoal, Our last open dungeon meal was like Hannah I Oh.
That's OK, I'll go. Back our last dungeon party meal was like Barbie I'm going to keep it chill I'm not going to cook a bunch of food I'm just going to put out a few chips and then I show up and I'm almost like Mia, you made club sandwiches like there was like food out and I was like this is not chill but you know what Mia likes doing it I.
Do it's? OK, I'm like, I, I feel that like, because every time me and my friends plan an event, I'm always like, I'm doing all the planning and they're like, well, you absolutely love planning the event. And I'm like, you're right, so I can't complain. I think I'm going to make a lot of hoagies, honestly. People love the hoagie sandwiches. Cut them in like little little slices.
Yeah, they love that. I know I always, when I first started coming to your parties, I always joke that you cook food that's going to put my ass to sleep. I'm like, I'm like, I can't eat this Stew because I'm going to pass out in the yard and not in a fun way. You know, my mom cracks me up because she and my father used to do big parties, but they didn't have swinger orgy parties. Your mom, Yes. Oh yeah. But Needless to say, she's like, why don't you want to do like a weenie roast?
And I said mom because everybody's too busy fucking. And she said, well, how about. Make a weenie would end up somewhere we don't want. Thank you. And then she's like, well, how about just make a pot of chili? Make it easy? I said Mom, you do. Where? People are putting things on their ass. Thank you, I said. Mom, you can't serve beans at a fucking sex party. I didn't say fucking with my mom, but I said but you can't make beans at a sex party and she's like you need.
Like Pedialyte fruit. Just salty food. Salty food. Bread. Pineapples I I said a myth I've always heard people say like if guys eat a bunch of pineapples, it makes their come sweet and I feel like that's not true because I feel like girls think that happens when they drink like when they when they eat a lot of fruit too. And I'm like, I don't think, I don't think it works like that. You know, see, I've.
Read on that specific topic in news journals and everything else and people have said doctors have stated that it is part of the acidic of the pineapple. That's different than like a citrus fruit. Who? Did they get to do the taste test I. Don't know how much pineapple did they have to eat right? Would it be like like the control cup of jizz, like everyone just kind of put a finger in there or something and then he ate pineapple for a few days or something like. Let's test this cum here.
But I I will tell you I told you this you know that I had I dated a guy who was Amerasian, half Filipino half half white guy. Sexy is just beautiful man. But his cum had no taste. Oh and it was. Honestly it's amazing. I love that. Would suck and dry every chance I got because. The first Dick I ever sucked was an Asian guy and I had the opposite experience. It was so bad I'm pretty sure it gave me like a stomach ache.
Oh God. But then I saw I thought that was just how come tasted and but then when I ended up like hooking up with another guy, his was quite normal. Like it wasn't like tasteless, but it was just like fine. Like it wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but manageable, you know? So what men don't realize is if obviously they don't come for a while, you know, it does change the consistency and come, but at the same time if they hydrate and drink a lot of water. Also if they eat good food.
I mean, it's the same thing with a vagina. It's the same kind exactly because like. If a girl eats like junk food all the time, that shit can burn through the carpet. Like, I mean, you just got to eat, right. I, I have been known to like before I know I'm going to be going on a date or something, I will have a week prior where I'm just slamming the water and I'm like suddenly I have to eat clean.
Guys, balance this pH. It's been fun eating like shit but I got a lock in. So I'm going to tell you just a real quick funny story, Barbie. OK, so one of the Doms who I've known for years, she, she's no longer in the area she moved, but she came to do a session in my living room when I first bought this house. And we had just did the floors. My husband and I, we put down the tile and there was still
grout residue all over the tile. There was still mortar on top of the tile where we've washed the tile, but it was still there. Yeah. So we had this huge because they're big ceilings, like you had said, But we had this huge scaffolding set up. It was 20 feet tall in the living room, and I was doing sessions in there. Well, she was doing a session one night. It was late Saturday night. I said, hey, look, I've already put chains and handcuffs on the scaffolding.
All this guy wants is for you to chain them up, beat them up a little bit and then piss all over them, OK? And she's like, well, do you care about your floor? I said no. I said we don't have any furniture. We just laid the tile. We're good. You know, I still haven't. Cleaned the grout dry. Yeah, everything was dry, but you could still see the mortar and the grout residue on the tile. And it's like, you know, it's white tiles and you can see where it was, like, really?
So now this is somebody who all she drinks is fucking Coke and Red Bull. Oh my God, I know that piss was orange. Oh no, Oh no, it wasn't orange. Let me tell you that piss was so strong with acid the next morning. The grout was gone. The grout was gone. I wish she'd fucking peed all over the fucking floor because that. Floor was. Shining bright because it literally ate through all the fucking grout residue and mortar residue. Crazy. With love and light. I know that Peach is insane.
It was insane. I know her panties are bleached white. It was crazy. I'm the kind of girl that I love my pee to be almost clear. I know that's so weird but like if my pee is like a normal yellow I'm like I failed. Well, you know, you can take out a lot of vitamins, but you know, you hydrate. Like you said, you hydrate, you take care of yourself. Well, I took fenugreek for a while, which is like this. Like, I don't know, I don't want to call it a vitamin.
I'm not actually sure what it was, but a lot of girls, it's like some like supplement, I'll just call it that, where a lot of girls were saying if you take it, it makes your sweat kind of smell like Maple syrup. And then some girls are saying it makes your like Cootie cat taste like Maple syrup and but it's also like a deep bloater and stuff like that. So I took it just because I was like, I don't mind the de bloating. I don't mind like extra like
this or that. But yeah, I don't know if it ever did that because I think I didn't take it that consistency. But there's a few things I saw a few like supplements I took just to see because like they're fine supplements to take. But then I wanted to see if all the rumors were true, like bee pollen. They say bee pollen to make your titties big, but bee pollen's just good for you in general.
So it's like I was like, oh, I'll take bee pollen because it's good for me. And also if my titties get big, I won't be mad. And so that's what I did. Oh my God, that's great. Same thing with nettle tea, like they said, it makes your hair grow, but it's also just good for your like blood pressure and stuff. And so I was like, I can drink nettle tea, it's good for my
blood pressure. But if my hair grows but I don't use, I try not to use product like like Vagisil or anything like that, since they say it's not good for you. Yeah, I. Agree. You know, they say try to use just like warm water and stuff as like much as you can or all natural things, because if you're putting like Vagisil or you're using those like vag wipes a lot like that is like, especially if they're perfumed
like those are not good for you. Like it will just it, you'll smell good in the moment, but it's not going to last. Your body's going to be thrown off. That's why you get like all that weird shit going on. Also like can give you Utis and stuff. So like I always try to keep it natural down there and I'm like, look, it's a vagina. It's not meant to smell like fucking like candy and like cotton candy roses. It's meant to smell like clean skin.
Exactly. As long as, as long as I'm smelling like clean skin, I'm good. I don't want to smell like a Jolly Rancher. It's like water, you know it's not supposed to have a. Taste right? Clean skin. Yeah, just neutral smell like I don't have to. I'm with you. 'Cause I'll be like, make your vagina smell like, like vanilla. It's like vagina. But I wish that bitch had pissed all over my floor. I'm just saying 'cause that shit was so easy.
I'd. Be so stressed, like I remember I went to my friend's house and a girl went to the bathroom before me and she had peed in the toilet and forgot to flush 'cause she was drunk and that piss was so Mountain Dew yellow green. I was like holy fuck what's wrong with you? I never in my life seen pissed that color. Wow I'm scared of it. That shit was strong. What is up with this time? I pissed but not. But not in the way they want us
to, I don't. Know I don't know well, Barbie, will you pee on somebody let's end it on that note we. Don't know. You got to pee on somebody eventually. She'll be ready. Mia. Last night my friend was like sitting on my lap. She's like I have to pee. I was like, do not pee on me. She's like I would never pee on somebody. I said same. And I've been asked. She's like wait, how much money? And I told her she was like, wait, I do that. I paid for that. Fuck.
Oh, that's great. Give me your friend's number. Oh, goodness. OK, Barbie, we got to wrap it up, girlfriend. People got to just listen to us on their lunch break. Right. We were going to talk about the party, but we talked about piss. You're welcome. Boom boom. So also I will say this too, people need to go on Apple. Oh yeah, Leave us a review. Rate US five stars. Yes, if you leave us a bad review, we will dox you and find you. And that's a promise. Exactly. All right, on that note.
Until then, Barbie, may all your fantasies become. Realities.