Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's Dungeon. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia, and you know it's her. She's here. Bob Barbie. Hi bitches, I love it. And we are ladies of leisure, sitting in the living room. All spread out. Yeah, Barbie just looked at me. She's like, yeah, I'm sorry about this. I'm just all out here on your couch. Sit like a lady, it's OK. I wear 2 inch mini skirts and sit like a man and you have to deal with it. I literally had the mannerisms of a man.
I'm glad you admit to that because it's fucking hilarious. But you go ahead and spread that testosterone. We're we're happy about that. Someone has to be a man around here because these men ain't cutting it shit. I'm not the fucking true. It was it's always really funny like at the dungeon the the last part of the pirates one when I was in those like like 8 inch heels. This one guy was like, yeah, when I walked in and you stood up and had to look up with you, look up at you.
It was crazy because like, I was so tall. And he was like, no, I couldn't believe it. And I believe Sinister was sitting there going you should model. You should be a model. And I was like, Oh my God, thanks. More compliments. Shaman is. Awesome and Shaman is absolutely right. You know, you possess this look about you that is so unique. And like you said, you're always dressed goth and it's just, you know, it's just, it's. Cool, being a blonde goth is very fun. It is.
It is awesome. Bimbo goth, so OK. On that note, Bimbo Goth, you said on our last episode, you said that literally people take things too serious in BDSM. Yeah. So let's talk about that. Yeah, I think there are things like that should be taking seriously, obviously consent and safety, but I feel like interpersonal dynamics can get so like muddy sometimes.
Cause for me, I just feel like, you know, we're all in the same field, you know, I don't think there should be like, Oh well so and so does this is I just don't like how they operate. But blah, blah. Like there shouldn't be all this like competition. I feel like you see in it where I'm like, look, we all want the same thing to just be weird. So like we should just all be weird together and be more successful instead of like trying to like outdo the other one, you know? It's so true.
It really is so fucking true. But I feel like you get that in like any like niche community because like when I used to be in the punk scene, it was the same way. Like people just have a little like pissing competition to see who could like be the coolest or like smoke the most cigarettes or something stupid. Yeah, right. Just. Like who's who's the most hardcore? I'm like, who cares? We're all in a dirty basement right now.
We're all losers. And then here it's like, you know, it's a little different, but I'm like, who cares? We're all in the dungeon. We're all here for one reason, you know. Yes. You know, and like you said, you said this in the end of the last episode, and that was, you know, we all kind of hit each other and we do silly stuff that most people are like, what the fuck are they doing? Yeah. So it's like, why take it so serious? You know? You know, there's high protocol.
There's, you know, things that that go back to, you know, centuries ago and the shit they used to do to people. Yeah, you know. Like medieval torture. Yeah, you know, and it's like. I was really in like into looking that stuff up when I was like in middle school. Yeah. And I think there's, yeah, that's fun. That's that's good and great.
But at the same time, you know, we're, we're in a different era of things, you know, and it's like people have such a difficult time who aren't in the lifestyle. We call vanillas and we call them vanillas for a reason. You know, I think they're basic bitch bitches. I can. Respect the vanilla 'cause I'd say as kinky as I am, I'm not not vanilla too 'cause sometimes you just want to fuck normally. And that was my point in that, you know, it's OK to be vanilla and it's fine to be basic, but
ultimately, like you said. Compared to a lot of people, yeah. Oh, you are. You are. Because you don't like crazy shit. You know, like I like crazy shit. I'm more of a sensual person, so it takes quite a few things off the table almost instantly. Right. So today Abby and I, we were sitting and we're chatting and we were thinking of ways that we could possibly abuse Charles. So we were sitting really conspiring on how we're going to torture this man.
And you know, so recently we used a penis pump. Now we've got a penis pump in the dungeon. I don't know if you've used it yet. There's a manual one and there's an electric one I tried. To with the sexy guy, but it wouldn't fit. Oh, the sexy guy. Yeah. From the Jack I tried to couldn't. Get it in. Oh my God, 'cause he was too big. Holy fuck he didn't. Fit any of your cages either he had to go buy.
One Oh my God Barbie, your biggest problem is a man who literally is obsessed with you and wants you to Dom him. He has a Dick too big to fit in the penis, bumps cylindrical. Tube with a condom on. With the fucking condom holy. Fuck. Me God bless. God bless. Oh. God, I love when a man knows his place. Woo. Yeah, yeah, back to torturing. Oh my God, yeah I'm still thinking about. Please take a picture of that. You need to send me some naughty Dick pics of him. That is for so certain.
I don't think he'd like. Oh he won't mind, he posts shit on fat life. That's true, Jack. Send me a bone. Send. Me a picture of your penis right now. OK so two things. So we used the penis pump one time on Charles when we were all together one evening and 1st Abby used the electric one and the electric 1 immediately sucked up his balls and he's like, yeah, what? Yes. Sit in there. Yes, I've never seen his penis. No. Yes, I have. I've hit it with fire I. Forgot. OK, yeah, there you go.
Not to look at it there, and the thing of it is you're not much into Dicks, but the fact that Jack has such a huge fucking cock, I like Jesus. I'm just picky about. Ohk, OK, you're picky. No. I do. I know I love men, I have a preference for them, but I also OK. OK alright good to love hate relationship and like that. But anywho so I went and I said look we have the manual, let's use the manual penis pump because that way you can control it exactly. I like that little sound effect.
I like that. But anywho so God big Dicks I'm still thinking about this. Did you? Did you see my recent post yesterday I posted? I almost said some stupid shit underneath. It you can. Almost said me not what the fuck is this? OK. So. So I was awake at 3:00 in the morning and what do I do? I thought, you know, I love Elvis. I'm. I don't know much about Elvis, so for a second I was like, this isn't real, right? No, it's not real. I don't know. But somebody knows how to really
Photoshop? Yeah, really. Photoshop Well. I think Peter Steele is hot and he's from Type O Negative and he did a Playgirl shoot and he was fully naked, has a giant penis. So I like, did did Elvis do that too? Like. Oh God, no. No, I don't. Know anything about Elvis? They didn't have play girl. OK, well Elvis came popular back in 1954 and then born. That year. Oh, yeah.
OK, OK. So then he really hit it big when it was like 1958. OK, so after that point, I mean it just kind of went crazy and he was known most because he would jerk his hips. I knew that that was huge for me. A little slut, yeah. It was a big slut and but he was at the same time this down home country boy famous. Too. You really need to update and go back on some history. I refuse. I'm telling.
I'm saying ignorant. But I was bored last night and I was like, oh, let's see if anybody has photoshopped some Elvis naked pictures. Thing for Elvis. I have a big. Thing for Elvis, my grandma. Oh God. You're not my girl, but my grandma also has a thing I. Am not your grandma, but she also has a thing. For the Blue Angels. OK, well, you know, hoorah. OK, Yeah, I. Can't say anything about it. That's OK, I love the Blue Angels, that's great. But Elvis is one individual and
he was fucking perfect. But yeah, somebody cropped and photoshopped 2 pictures of him his face on these bodies and I didn't post the one in black and white. I'm going to show it to you. Flicking it to it. Oh. My God, my my husband told me that this morning he was just like. You're too busy flicking the bean to hit upload. Yeah, he was like, did you fucking like Jack off to fucking
masturbation? Or our picture of pictures of Elvis. Like, you know, did they have any videos of him jacking his Dick? I was like, of course not. Hey, you gotta wait. I. Wish fake AI technology gets better than Commission one of these nerds to make you a Elvis porn. Exactly like look at this one. This is one the other one. That's a big Dick. That's a big Dick. That's a Jack Dick and it's flaccid in this. Picture and it's like, listen to the podcast. He comes up all the time.
I said he doesn't. I'm so good. He comes up all the time. Good. OK, I don't. Even know if he knows it exists. Oh my God, I'm sure he does. He might just not be a podcast listener. That's fine with me. A lot of people aren't. That's OK. Keep talking because I will tell him you know Barbie is on the. No, I will suddenly not be on the podcast. Listen. Bitch, look, I'm nervous about boys. Don't say that. I think you get nervous around boys who are interested in you.
I. Do a boy that's interested in me that I'm interested back immediate. I'm like, I can't function. Me was like go over there and like tell him like I forgot what you told me to say. It was so forward though. Yeah. And I was like, and I looked you deadly. I said, Mia, there is not a like a universe in which I ever say that to somebody. I I said to. I said to you to tell him so do you want me to own you? Yeah, but. You told me to go grab his ass and say it or something like yes of.
Course you grab his ass, he's got a fucking sexy. Ass have permission before I can grab someone's. Ass you had permission when he got on that wall, we started to do the scene. Before we did the scene. Oh, was it? Yeah. That was the first thing you told me to. Tell oh God and I. Was like I cannot do. You notice how I am very forward, like I really don't
hold back. Yeah, I, I went up and talked to him and I, and I was surprised I got it because there's, I think when he came in, immediately I think two other girls went up there and you went, oh, they're getting him. And I was like, and then Mia was like, go talk to him, go talk to him. And I was like, see me, I'm so scared. It's just like, do it. And I went over there and I, I think I barely said anything. And then it ended up working in my. Favor it did. And I'm just like, own your
shit. You got to say in your mind, I am the fucking shit. I am the bond. I am. I just nobody comes close to me. I'm just a girl. No, you're a woman here. You. I'm a woman until I like a guy, then I'm like he he just to cure. You're doing the Michael Jackson thing. But anyway, you know we're hating on men the last episode. Yeah, oh, you were telling me about Charles and what y'all were doing. Oh yeah, just just torture, you know, just overall torture. Just for fun.
I was. Explaining to me things, the last party things I could do and explain to me what a zipper was and all this kind of stuff. I'm gonna have him make you a zipper. Yeah, with the clothes pins. Yeah, I'm gonna have him make you one. The guy I did the other day that I had mentioned a podcast or so ago, that was my favorite scene. He wanted to do CBT.
Yeah. And I'm newer to all this and like, you left me like with them by myself, which was fine, but I'm still working on like, getting creative about things. And so I did the CBT with them. And when I took off the clothes pins, I guess I had like done it. He liked it all so it's not bad, but he had little purple spots all over his balls from where they were because I was whacking the the clothes poo. Yeah. And it was, it was honestly kind of fun.
He had me like step on his Dick in my giant goth girl platforms and I strung them up from the little chains in the ceiling. And he's short, shorter than me, like what, 5-4? And I was kicking him and his little feet would come off the ground and he was like spinning. In the was this Jack or Charles? Neither. It was that it was that new guy that came like a week or so ago from out of town. Oh. OK, Jack. 'S like 62. Yeah, I was gonna say.
Jack's big no, this was this was that client, the new client? I think he's a firefighter, the one who got over an hour. Oh, that's right. Small And so this is the guy who's doing CBD with Jack. Doesn't like CBD or anything like that, but I was like stepping on his Dick and I hadn't think about kicking him, like planting my foot and pushing him and he was coming up off the floor and it was so
funny because he's awesome. Started running from me, but he's chained up so we're just running a little circles. It was so, it was so like Looney Tunes. It was hilarious. So did he like CBT? He loved it. And then then he was like, actually, like, you know, I didn't think I'd ask for this today, but this is actually my fantasy. Like can you tickle me? And so I Oh my God, that's my favorite. Tickling him but he starts giggling and like running from me.
So we're I'm chasing him in a circle but he's hooked up to the ceiling so he can't go anywhere. And it was so funny because I would just randomly like stop tickling and just push the shit out of it and he'd fly up off the ground. That's how I broke the the handcuffs because he came above the ground and it snapped. On Oh my God, that's. Awesome. No, but he apparently really enjoyed his time and he's like, I really enjoyed this. I was like, tell me a leave me a good review, He said.
He's going to come see me next year whenever he comes back down. But I really enjoyed that scene because it was literally just like BDSM and CBT and all that kind. Of And there wasn't bullshit. Yeah, and he was sweet and friendly. That's possible. Like I don't mind the the pegging and the other stuff like that, but my favorite is when it's just BDSM and just. Kink. And not like a service, if that makes sense.
Yes, because for me, I'm like, I feel like I can get really creative and comfortable with it because I don't have to worry about like double gloving up or anything. Like they're like, Oh yeah, I want you to like, really go deep in my asshole or. Can you hold my hand and they can't even take like a wench little like vibrator thing off the cock ring. Nothing. They can't take anything. I think they have this fantasy of it being like taking a giant Dick.
They do. And then you like put in the tiniest Dick in there and they're. Like and you know what? I think yellow, red. I'm like, it's not even in dude. You know what I think it is too. I think that they're trying to fill a void, literally. Hello. Hello. That one guy needed his void filled from the other week. The what? The guy with the speculum. Oh God. But I think they're trying to
fill a mental void. And the fact that, you know, there's something about a cock, you know, and filling that hole, it's like filling a void. My favorite boy to film. It's like, it's like making me laugh too hard. I'm looking at you and I'm laughing too hard. But it's, it's like this, this emotional disconnect that they have with something in their life and they feel like they need it. So it's like when they come here and they're vulnerable and they want.
That that guys that come here don't experiment within themselves before they get here. Because like, they don't come. Coming to a dungeon seems like such a big leap. Yeah. But like, you rather like come to the dungeon and see professional dominatrixes before you'll even buy yourself a butt plug. Like to me, that seems like an insane jump. They and they and it's most, most guys that come in that are new, you'll be like, what do you want to do?
They're like, well, I don't really know anything about this. How did you find this? Like, why? What happened? They'll be here for like BDS and they're like, well, I don't really know anything about any of it. And I'm like. But see, those are my favorite. Ones they're my favorites too because like you can be more creative with them, but it's like especially with the guys who like really want to get pegged and have never had anything in their ass.
I'm like, you didn't even like, you know, shove something up there on your own randomly. Yeah, that no. They would feel gay if they did it. That's the thing. That's. Crazy. It's a different It's a Dick in your ass. Come on, get over it. The world would be a better place if more men admitted they're bisexual. I know, but it's different when a woman is doing it. They don't feel gay then it's like a woman's being a servant making them do it.
That's the difference. Next time I'm picking, I'll be like you like that. It's just like when you get a guy to suck a Dick, they're not going to do it on their own if they feel gay. I've had a guy who'd do it on his own and it was magnificent. Because they're very bisexual and they admit to it, I'm sure. Oh yeah, I know. He's openly bisexual. It was amazing.
But you know, many men that I've played with in the dungeon, especially if they've always been like, I'm not gay or anything while they're fucking some Gotti. Had me like Saran, wrap him down, fuck the shit out of him, do all the stuff out of him. And then like at the end he's like, you know, I'm I'm a dominant person in life. I'm like dude, how you just came because I put my my hand over your mouth like. And that cute.
Just brutalized you for an hour and I was like I'm a dominant person, I do jujitsu okay and I do you. And by fucking I meant I, I pegged him. I did not fuck this man. So I want to specify so y'all don't get your fucking hopes up. The fact that he tried to validate himself by telling you I do jiu jitsu like that makes me more of a man. My my favorite and least favorite part of working in the dungeon is the after
conversation. I'm not talking about aftercare, but like when they want to talk to me and it's like they it's like I get a little interview and Mia will leave the room and then they'll just start asking questions. How long have we been doing this? Yeah. How did I figure it out? Do I like it? Do I like them? What do I like doing? And I'm like, I don't, oh, man, I'm trying to. I'm trying to bleach everything right now. I'm sorry. You're like scrubbing the Gurney.
And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I've been doing it like a month. Oh. My God, you can do fucking. Stand up on this shit. Never expected. What's that? I said they want hugs when they leave. Isn't that? Amazing you a hug. Yeah, I guess I was just in your ass. Come on. Give Mama some sugar, baby. I don't think I get called. I don't. I get called mommy online but not in person. It's really interesting. Wait until you're 40.
Wait until you're 40, baby. You know it's a. Popular thing like a trend to call goth girls like dummy mommy and goth mommy and I used to really hate it. I'm very neutral on it now, but yeah, I'll get DMS like like step on me, mommy. I'm like, hey, I actually do that now so I can, I can actually do that for you for the low, low price. Fuck, you know, I really fucking hate is when someone sees the word DOMME Dom or domme, right.
But a lot of these little trans girls or a lot of, you know, you know, men that are very femme, they think it's Domme. And it's like. That's where dummy Mommy. Comes yes, that's what they think and I'm like don't fucking call me that. To me, it dummy is too close to dummy. Don't call me dummy mommy people. Call me mistress. I'm like, I'm too dumb to be called mistress. Call me dummy. Fuck. Yeah, I don't. I don't like Mistress that much. Feels. I don't know.
I think it's because I'm not a mistress. I don't. I like ma'am, OK? Or Goddess maybe? Goddess is appropriate. See, to me, I'm the Mistress. Because you own it. And I'm just like in your little brothel house. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Do not call the. Police that word all fucking together. Do not call the. Police. I'm safe, my God. No. Delete. Delete. Quick, quick.
So there's like y'all can't see it, but there's like sniper like red dots all over me right now because I said that means it's going to have me executed. So, yeah, so Needless to say, we have to reiterate this, but taking things too serious, yeah, we went off on a tangent. Oh, that's my job. OK, so you you went to the local dungeon before several times. Have you seen people act way too fucking serious on shit?
Yeah. So at the public dungeon, I will say there was a guy I met there and he was really nice and he was one of the first guys I met. He was my age. And what drew me to him is that when he goes in there, he is in dress pants and a white button up. And it's not that fancy looking like the sleeves are rolled up, it's unbuttoned. But that effort alone, like really like all the friends I brought there immediately were drawn to him. Like all my friends that were
interested in men. And what does that tell you though? And I'll tell you this, he's not even like like looks like the hottest guy you've ever seen. He's a normal guy and that's not an insult. He's cute, but he's a normal guy. And that's like, I feel like most guys would look way better if they just dress. But back to what I was talking about at that dungeon, it wasn't the people like in the actual like doing the BDSM that took it too seriously.
But there was this couple that came in and they were new and the husband and the wife I guess like he was weird. She wasn't. So he's going around like doing these scenes with these women and they're not scenes. He wants to do foot worship but he has no clue what he's doing. So he's fucking slobbering on these girls toes and then at the end he's just putting their socks and shoes back on, not cleaning it. And then he comes up to me and he's like, can I worship your feet?
I say no, and I'm not a big feet person in general. I the most I do is like, you can massage my feet, you can touch my feet, but I'm not the biggest fan of having someone's a stranger's mouth on my little toes. Yeah, I don't like it. I got you. But he like gets pissy with me that I said no because I'm in these beautiful heels he likes and he ends up throwing a water bottle, an empty water bottle at my feet. Oh my. God, oh, come on, like that.
And he's trying to play it off. And I was new and so I was like in that space where I was like, it can I? Like how mad am I allowed to get? Because the bitch and me wanted to start cussing him the fuck out. But then the reasonable part of me is like, but if they don't perceive that as a big deal, then I could be the one getting banned.
So I didn't really say anything. But obviously what happened was he was doing this with all these girls and these girls were letting him do it. His wife started doing a scene with that guy. I mentioned that the one that dressed nice, they're doing a scene and out of nowhere, he ran up in that scene and got so mad at that guy for doing a scene with his wife. Not like he wasn't sucking every toe in the building. Wow. So he got so mad at her and caused such a scene that they
banned both of them on site. And they were in the parking lot screaming at each other. And so I, it turns out I didn't even have to say anything. And then when I did tell the DM, like, Oh yeah, he like, he threw some shit at me. They were like, Oh my God. Like you would need to tell us like if anything like that happened. Have you seen these people again? No, they got banned, no. No, no, I'm saying at any other
events. No, I haven't they I had their fat for a second and they do like only fans, but they're not they're not like a known couple or anything. It was like it was like really crazy. Like I was like shocked. And that's the only incident I've ever had in a dungeon where a man was like that blatantly disrespectful. Like I've had men be disrespectful, but just like like throwing something at my
feet because like you're mad. I won't let you, like, slobber on my toes and then put my socks back on with your spit still in it. Like, oh, come on, dude. And then the fact that he got mad that his wife was doing a scene was like crazy because she hadn't done anything all night and he had been doing stuff with everybody. And then the second she got into scene, it was nuts. And you fucking rejected him the last time. Oh yeah, I rejected him and then he like in then him doing that
like followed shortly after. So I don't know if it he got mad that he couldn't have his way. And yeah, it sounded like, it really does sound like that. Because I'm not trying to be rude. At that time I think I was still going by switch but I was very Dom leaning. But also I don't really play with strangers, I just. Don't like it? And you're a girl in your 20s. It's not like you're a woman in your 40s. Even younger he was like in his 30s.
Yeah, but like I. Don't know, I'm just my friends let him do that. But even my friend was like, yeah, when he said foot worship I wasn't fully expecting to get my foot face fucked or anything. Like that? Yeah, yeah. And you know what that guy was wearing? What's the T-shirt and cargo shorts? Oh God, I hate that. I hate that I. Hate it too. I was like, you want to suck my toes looking like that? Gross. You know I'm gonna go back to this too. The whole fucking thing with
cargo shorts. Throw the fucking cargo shirt you wear. Cargo shorts to the beach, on hikes, Do not wear them to an event where I'm supposed to think you're sexy, Right. Really. It would literally like I it would be like a girl wearing, like, basketball shorts. Like, it's the same thing to me. Yeah. I'm like, if you would judge a woman for wearing like the girl equivalent of what you're wearing to a party like this, then don't wear it.
Like if a girl showed up in a sports bra and AT shirt and then some shorts like everybody would like, oh, is she here? She's hanging. Yeah, well, that her men would be like, oh, look at that. That's different. It doesn't take much to place, man. It's true. A. Warm hole. Yeah, Where's that orifice? Can I see the orifice through the shorts? If you if you carved a hole in a watermelon, men would line up. Oh God, yeah, I made Brie fucking watermelon before. That's interesting. I'm going.
To say that every time you mention Brie. I have a video on fat and I I made her fuck a cantaloupe and when she was masturbating with the cantaloupe I didn't quite catch it on video but when she came the literally the cantaloupe exploded with seeds and I was like fuck that melon. Fuck that melon, you dirty whore. I'm surprised she didn't get a UTI. She did not. It was O naturale. I'm picky with men because I see what y'all's fingernails look
like and I'm not kidding. I'm not letting a dirty man throw my pH balance off because you don't know how to wash your hands. Thank. You can we talk about that? Yeah, men get pissed at me because I, I reject easily, but it's like I have eyeballs and I use them to look at you, so I know what's going on. That is my biggest pet peeve is a man with dirty fucking fingernails and long fingernails. Long is fine if they're maintained.
If they're maintained, you know, that's because I like golf guys. That's the golf in you. Yeah, long nails, as long as you maybe got the two lesbian nails going on. Two are short, but they're clean, maintained, painted. Yes, I love a man with a manicure. Yeah, I do. And that's. Cool not even in like a like a gay way. Like I know masculine men who get their nails painted. No, no. And that's cool, but I'm talking about just the average guy. You know, dirt caked in it.
Oh my God, yesterday's come. I can't. Oh God. Barbie, please. Oh you know what I hate too? What? When you see a lot of young guys where they start growing hair but they can't grow it well so they just have like 3 pubic hairs all over their face. Shave it, babe. Shave it, it's done. Shave. It till it comes uneven. If I have to shave my beard, you gotta shave yours. All right, so, you know, I feel like we should give like a man's tip at the end of every show on
this. You know, it's like I'll. Give a man a tip, sorry. Yes you will. You like that, Jack? Never tell him I do that. You'll. Find it one night. You won't. Hi, I'm going to hit him in the head really hard. When we find this, we were like #1 you know, BDSM podcasts for like 3 months running. Yeah. Oh my God, am I famous? Not yet. If y'all want to follow me on set, I'm the under score Barbie. Feel free to cuss me out there. If you don't like me I will read it.
Might not respond. You know you need an alternate account and call yourself the man eater. You know that was my number one song on Spotify for like 2 years in a. Row. See. Did you fucking love that song? I'm not even really a man eater 'cause I don't be going through them like that, but I do be hurt in men's. Feeling Oh my God, that's great. Oh, it's my favorite. That's great, so let's give men some tips. So manicured nails. No dirt under your fingernails.
Yeah, I think all these tips just boil down to be clean, look like you tried. What about ball hair? Are you a fan? You know the few men I have been with? Yeah, little sluts. They're always clean shaven. I know. Thank you. Yeah. I don't prefer well, I have like this one guy was like fucking for a long time. He, he wasn't always clean shaved, but he usually was because that's just what he preferred. But the few times he wasn't, it was, it wasn't long. It was just like shaved down.
Because I can't, I don't say shit because I don't shave bald. I just kind of I use like a nose hair trimmer from Walmart. I just like trim it down because I don't like not having hair. I just like a little bit feel like it keeps my pH better. Like I know that sounds so stupid, but no. No, it's OK. The hair is there for a reason. It protects you. But but yeah, I've never been with a guy where it's like. And she says that with that cute little dimple, A cute little dimper stick.
I ever sucked. He was like not a hair inside, but he was Vietnamese. So I feel like, you know, I feel like Asian men don't really have body hair, though. You know, I used to date an Asian guy and I'm telling you, he was clean shaven everywhere. He didn't really grow body hair. Yeah, exactly. But he was cut and buff and he
had. Oh my God, his balls were like, they were like soft marshmallows like but the giant kind and and they were just soft and they were perfect for licking and sucking because they had no fucking hair on them. So fun. It was. It was so fun. They were like soft little marshmallows. When you asked me about ball hair, it I was like, Oh yeah, balls do grow hair. The men they do. The men I'm in, the men I entertain just are clean like that. Right. Yeah, some men shave your shit.
Make it look manicured at least. Like like, like you tried, like you look down there for you. Yeah, yeah. You know what's weird about the Like how I said that was the first Dick I sucked. You know I sucked a Dick before my first kiss. Oh wow, yeah. And you know what's crazy? What's that? It was like a year apart. Holy shit it was. So crazy. Wow, I don't I.
Don't know. OK, so it was a really stupid, like story, but I was on a date with this guy and I was like, I was 19. I think I get the timeline confused because it's been a while. I think I was 19 and I was on the scene with this guy and I was going good. And I mentioned I was like, you know, I'm like, you know, I'm a virgin. Of course, eyes light up. Men love when they find out you're a virgin. And little did he know I was. I'm a prude, you know? And so we get in his car, and
this is the middle of the day. This isn't even, like, night time. And we didn't even do anything sexy. Like, we were at a coffee shop and we're in the car and we're just talking about things. He was like, well, you know, do you wanna try anything? And I was like, yeah, no, sure. Like I was being, like, really nice about it. I was really nervous because, you know what? I assumed he was gonna kiss me. Yeah. And he goes, That would be a good assumption. Are you sure?
And I was like, yeah. And then he goes, are you? Are you positive? I said yeah. Whips his penis out and I was like, oh, wasn't expecting that. But then in my my brain went got to see it through fuck it, guess it. And then so I started like touching it and then he's like you can put your mouth on it and my brain also like you can put your mouth. I know, bitch. Like. So I start, I start doing it and it's fine. And he's like, Are you sure this is your first time doing this?
I was like, yeah. And and then it took so long. I sat up in the middle of it and had long acrylics on. I start typing on my phone. Literally all he's hearing is because I'm just texting my friends because he wanted to stop because somebody was walking by. And then I start doing it again. And I sit up and I go, are you almost done? I do not want to do this all day because it was taking like almost 30 minutes.
And that was pissing me off. And he was like, well, you know, I've never come from just a blowjob. I usually end up having sex. And I looked into and I said, well, you're not having sex with me. Oh my God, I was like. That's OK. Little 19 year old Barbie didn't even know. She was like a Dom yet. And she was like over here being so mean to him. And then at the end he was, I was texting my friends. He's like, are you telling all your friends about it? I don't want?
Probably not. I told my friends my girl, you're going to haunt his memory for a while, right? And then like, and then I just didn't like end up doing anything. And then like a year later, I think at like an anime convention I was at, I was, I don't know if it counts because I was like performing, but a girl in the audience dared me to kiss her. And that was technically my first kiss was me and cosplay at
anime convention. So I didn't have like a first like kissing somebody until like actually like maybe like two more years later, like on my own accord. So it's just really funny though. That is awesome. I. Know random story with Barbie? Wow, that's awesome. Hey, that's OK. So we're back to the tips. Yeah. You're gonna give some guys some tips. Yeah. Effort the bar is in hell for men all of our tips are like be clean be nice, be respectful the bar is in hell it's.
Not, you know, and and women what we have to do, we have to fucking wax, pluck, shave, makeup, color hair. Yeah. I mean, electrolysis. I mean, we do all these things, we have to fucking wear a bra. Who the fuck wants to wear a bra? No. Yeah, it's fucking miserable. I paid too much to get my nipples pierced for you not to see it. I love it.
The first time I was at your party was the Barbie party, and John had come up to me and my friend because we were in the back and you have whatever was going on back there. That bed had deflated and we were trying to do a scene on it. So it's just a thing of plastic. So we needed some blankets and John was talking to me and then just he went, Your nipples are pierced. Can we look down real quick? And I was like, they are because I was just like in a Lacy bra.
So, So what gauges do you have? Do you have are they? Are they little? No, it's the standard 14. Oh, OK. I I don't have big giant ones or nothing like that. It's the same size as like this. The ones in my face. Oh, OK, that's actually interchangeable. So do you have the Hoo Ha Pierce as well? No. OK. No, I'm scared of that. Well, a lot of people say the clitoral the actual I heard it's a 5050. Chance of losing feeling. Oh God no. Well, don't risk that.
I. Thought about getting a Chelsea which isn't the clip but it's right above it. But then not just. The hood. Not the hood. It's like the, oh, sorry, it's the skin above it. So it's like, it's like more of like above it. But I didn't want to do that because the idea of like hair maintenance around a piercing. Really annoying. I have 35 piercings but they're all like chest and up. Yeah. I get that question a lot, but no I'm too scared to get my pussy. I was just curious.
I mean, you brought up Bedazzled. Fuck me. All right, girls, girls who do that are braver than I. OK, we're done. Leah's going to fire me guys. Leave a comment if you want me to have a job. All right, now your fucking fantasies become. Reality. Shut the fuck up.