There is very strong language throughout this program. Sorry, baby. shove it up his fucking shitbox if he thinks I'm going to capitulate. That was an embarrassing shambles. Why is everyone being so sensitive? That was a catastrophic failure. Look, I apologise. No, you didn't! I'm sorry, okay, but I was talking about someone who wasn't... He wasn't even in the room at the time. It was a joke. You can't use that word anymore, John.
anymore. I mean, could you ever? Well, when I was at school you could. I mean the bloody teachers used it for goodness sake. You know what, this is a great subject for the show. What's this? This discussion we're having right now. You know, this is the sort of shit I'm interested in. What? Let's talk about this. What do you mean? Was I being offensive or was it just light-hearted office banter? Banter. About a valued colleague who wasn't even there. He wasn't even in the room, Joel.
Let's do a bit on tonight's show about it. You know, about changing attitudes. It's not about changing attitudes. It's about knowing when to shut up. It's about knowing that what in your head is just a joke, don't be such a snowflake, that your jokes, in massive neon inverted commas, can actually offend people. and knowing... Comedy isn't an exact sign. If you eliminate the possibility of trial and error, you kill the artful. Who do you think you are, Bill Hicks?
You're not even Benny Hill. When you begin to forensically dissect a joke, you kill the joke because forensics are for dead things. Look, Jules, if you're offended by a joke, fine. That's your right. But this is cancel culture. People have served jail time in this country for making jokes. I'm not joking. What are you talking about? Jail time. There's an enormous difference between a bad taste joke and hate speech. Hate speech. Hate speak. Seriously, is that why I'm being accused of? No, no.
But you have to tread carefully. I think we should do this. Okay, I want to do this. It'll be interesting. You know, I'll talk about what just happened in the meeting and then we'll go to the phones. No, that is such a bad idea. And dissect it. No way. For a start, you can't say the word you just said in that meeting on radio.
So you can't discuss what happened in the meeting? Surely I can say the word if we're discussing the word. No. I'll do a disclaimer at the start. Okay, how would that work? Love this. Okay, something like... The following contains language some may find offensive. That's not specific enough. The following contains language some may find offensive. And, you know, that's not the language you think I'm talking about. It's not fuck or cunt. Yep, great, carry on.
There's a specific word coming up that is likely to cause offence. Go on. Go on. Tonight we're going to be having a discussion about a particular word, so the word will come up, and various versions of the word, so I'll try and keep it to an absolute minimum, so trigger warning, the word I'm talking about is spaz. Yeah, that's not going to work is it? Scrub that idea. Got something to say? Oh, Jonathan Pye. Fifteen seconds.
Waste of everyone's fucking time, Jonathan. I'm just going to say that from the outset. Iceberg, dead ahead. And remember, you mentioned what happened in this morning's meeting. You say that word on air, I reckon you'll be gone by the morning. And when you lose your job, I don't lose my job. I just get the next...
Good evening. Now, some might say that I'm a bit of a grumpy old bugger. I know. I know. How dare they? But honestly, though, I am a grumpy old bugger. I hate everything. I do. I love a moan. I'm not happy unless I'm moaning about something but the one thing that makes me happier than moaning is laughter. Laughter, that's magic. Laughter is pure happiness. It's true unfiltered joy. You can't fake a genuine laugh.
It comes from the soul. The trick at school was to be as rude or as unruly as you like so long as in doing so you make the teacher laugh in the process before they give you the bollocking. Because if you make her laugh It totally undermines their authority when it comes to giving you the detention for the joking question. That's how I survived school. By joking. You make the big rugby boys laugh, you are safe. You make the teachers laugh and get your homework in on time, they love you.
Now, comedy has often been about breaking taboos and confronting harsh truths, about challenging prescribed accepted norms and perhaps sometimes even deliberately pushing people's buttons. George Carlin, a wonderful comedian, he always used to say that comedy was about finding where the line is that you mustn't cross and the comedian's job was to then just gently step over.
Over the last few years we've had many examples of comedians overstepping the mark and getting into a heap of trouble forever. Is that fair? You know, they're just jokes, surely. Is it wokery gone too far or in a more progressive society are we duty-bound to shield the vulnerable from jokes that they may find offensive? Tonight we're talking comedy, freedom of expression and the right to offend. Let's go straight to the phones now. Jeff, you run a comedy club.
called the No Offence Comedy Club. That's right. It's a funny, it's a good name. No offence, mate. No, it's not a joke. It's really not a laughing matter. So I run a comedy club here in Newport Pagnell called the No Offence Comedy Club. At our comedy club, we have a no offence policy. It's what we call comedy without cruelty. Okay, because the line between comedy and offence, you know, that line that you must...
gently step over. I mean, it's razor thin, isn't it? What one person laughs at, another recoils at, and vice versa. People laugh at taboo subjects. don't they? I mean, it can be cathartic. If your main aim is to ensure that no one is offended, surely you're also running the risk of ensuring that no one is laughing either. So it's a fine line. It's also a fine line between the catharsis of people hearing or reacting to tapoo subjects and opinions. and it not being a catharsis at all.
but in fact an endorsement or dog whistle in favour of opinions that further marginalise the already marginalised. Right. So anyway, we believe in comedy without cruelty. Okay, so comedy without cruelty. How does that work? You know, a safe space comedy club. Well, for a start, we make all our comedians sign a behavioural agreement to ensure that they... Sorry, a behavioural agreement? What does that mean? They sign a piece of paper saying, you know...
No jokes that are racist or sexist. Okay. Classist. Classist. Yes. See, now that's a tough one, right? Because classist works both ways, though. I mean, what about, I don't know, um... Jacob Rees-Mogg has the face of a country vicar who's just been relocated to a council estate. I mean, that's classist in both ways, isn't it? Would that be allowed? I think that'd be fine, although I'd prefer to have more detailed information about the specific council estate the comedian had in mind.
No jokes that are ageist. Ageist? So don't all old people smell of wee and tend to vote the way we don't want them to? No? No, nothing like that. Really? No. Nothing ageist. Nothing anti-trans, anti-religion. Anti-Atheism. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Anti-Religion. You're a comedy club that's reintroducing its own blasphemy laws, which many people spent many decades trying to repeal. Which is not the sort of club who wants that sort of Bernard Manning.
racist homophobic I'm not saying let's go back to the good old days of Bernard Manning or there's a black fella and a homosexual walk into a pub no no but you should be able to make jokes about I don't know, Catholic priests being paedophiles without fear of being done for inciting religious hatred or making light of sexual abuse, eh? Can I ask, can I ask, have any comedians refused to sign the agreement? Only the sort of comedians we don't want at our club anyway.
by virtue of the fact they refused to sign it. The assumption being that any comedian who on principle refuses to sign away their artistic freedom must have wanted to stand there and tell what racist, homophobic, anti-Islamic rape jokes all night. What sort of jokes are allowed at your comedy night? Give us an example. I mean, what does a typical night in your comedy club consist of? well there's a lot of slam poetry and sketch improv
A political satire. Okay, got you. Yeah, yeah. Okay, got you. Well, you know, I might pop down and see what all the fun is about. I'm interested in this idea of comedy without cruelty because... If you take the victim out of comedy, there isn't any comedy. If the guy doesn't slip on a banana skin, it's just a banana skin on the floor. It's literally rubbish. And you laugh at the victim.
because they're getting their just desserts, or maybe you empathise with them, eh? I mean, we've all experienced pride before a fall, haven't we? We've all been Del Boy falling through the bar. We've all been... Fleabag sister getting a crap haircut. And we laugh at our own victimhood, don't we? You know when you bang your knee and it really hurts. Ow, God. Oh, God, that really hurt. Ow. I remember my son. He must have been about a year old.
And he was having a terrible night. Nothing could get him off to sleep. And as a sort of joke to myself, really, in despair, I hit my head on the side of the bed and sort of pretended to knock myself out. And he stopped crying immediately. And then he lost. Properly laughed for the first time. I'll never forget it. It was magical. He had discovered comedy. The joke. The victim. The proverbial banana skin. And this wasn't a learnt response. It was a human response.
Either that or he's just a vicious little bastard. The jury's still out on that one. Next on the line we have Sybil from Clench in Wiltshire. Sybil from Clench in Wiltshire. Go ahead. Oh, I was listening to that first call you had, you know, this so-called woke comedy that they have now. But the problem with woke comedy is it isn't funny. It's just not funny.
How can you call it comedy if it's not funny? Explain to me, Sybil, what is woke comedy? Well, that's when a comedian, in inverted commas, I guess on stage talks about their mental health, then about how passionate they are about the EU, then on to when they were sexually molested on a bus. And then they leave the stage to a polite round of applause, some nods of agreement, their own BBC 3 special, and no laughter whatsoever. Yeah.
Couldn't agree more. I see all the posters of these young woke comedians in my local theatre and they look like a bunch of social workers come to tell you off. I'm with you there. I'm with you. They do. They do, don't they? They do. Thank you, Sybil from Clench in Wiltshire. Next up, we've got Sally in Dover. You think cancel culture is a myth? Yeah, hi, thanks for having me on. It is a myth. All this talk of comedians getting canceled.
for their so-called jokes is nonsense because they don't get cancelled, do that? These so-called jokes can do real damage. They can be real dog whistles. Okay, give me an example. Jimmy Carr, for example, he supposedly got cancelled for one of his disgusting race-baiting so-called jokes about throwing gypsies into gas ovens a few years back.
But he didn't get cancelled, did he? No, he didn't get cancelled. Sorry, how do you mean so-called joke? You keep saying it. What do you mean by that, so-called joke? I mean, in Jimmy Carr's case, it was definitely a joke, right? It wasn't funny. That's arguable, definitely, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a joke. I mean, we can discuss whether the joke was funny or indeed perhaps a bit sinister. I'm sorry, but calling it a joke lets him off the hook. But it is a joke. I mean...
You're making exactly the same mistake the press made when all this came out. All the newspapers were putting the word joke. In inverted commas, in their headlines, Jimmy Cartel's offensive joke, in inverted commas, as if there was some doubt as to whether it was a joke at all. But you can't joke about these sort of things. He did, and he didn't get cancelled for it, because it was a joke. Was it, though? Yes!
because if it wasn't, you then have to take what Jimmy Carr, a professional comedian, said during a live comedy gig on Netflix under the genre of stand-up comedy at face value. Does he genuinely think it's a positive thing that thousands of Roma travellers were slaughtered at the hands of the Nazis and has decided to interrupt his comedy special to let us know that?
Or was it a joke? And if you concede that it definitely was a joke, or an attempt at one, then all we're debating here is a question of taste. Is the joke to my taste? No. Did I find it funny? No. Is it tasteless? Yes. Is it knowingly tasteless? Yes. Is it offensive? Yes. to some people absolutely but I don't think
you can legislate against people being offended. And I don't think anyone should be able to just watch a 30-second clip on TikTok of a comedian knowingly saying the worst thing imaginable but completely out of context. and reasonably ask for the man to lose his job, which tens of thousands of people, as well as some newspapers, were suggesting. Although unsuccessful in cancelling Jimmy Carr, that is cancel culture.
To dismiss something as purely a joke and therefore intrinsically exempt from further moral censure is just as reprehensible as those condemning it out of hand and trying to have him banned from the airwaves. I would not happily argue for offensive jokes to be banned. I do think it's equally dangerous to justify them simply on the argument that a joke is just a joke. And you're wrong. It isn't cancel culture. They're still working.
Look at these comedians that are still working. Jimmy Carr, Derry Sutherland. Louis C.K. Okay, okay, okay. Louis C.K. This is another great example, okay? Louis C.K., one of America's most successful stand-up comedians until he was outed as a dirty sex pervert. who used his fame and power to entice women to his hotel so that he could... Bash the bishop in front of them. A career in tatters.
And arguably, rightly so, Louis CK, he started gigging again. And one of the first gigs he did back, he did a joke. And he said... the best way to survive a school shooting is to throw a fat kid into the line of fire. Okay, or words to that effect. Now, I thought it was a funny joke. Some people didn't. That's common. The Guardian headline the next day, always The Guardian, Louis C.K. mocks school shooting survivors. No, he didn't. No, he didn't.
Huge swathes of woke comedians. I can't believe sex pest Louis C.K. thinks murdering children is funny, but he doesn't think that. Does he? He doesn't actually think that. And if you're even implying that he does actually mean it, you're either lying or you're thick. So I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. So why lie? Why virtue signal your distaste for Louis CK's sexual deviancy by deliberately misrepresenting the target of a joke
that clearly satirised America's nonchalant attitude towards gun crime. It's normal for US kids to get shot whilst at school. That's what he was pointing out. He didn't mean what he said because it was a joke. And Jimmy Carr didn't mean it either. Why? Because it was a joke. The end. Now the news. Christ, these middle-class, virtue-signalling, perma-offended, woke wankers have decided that the great unwashed is just one tasteless joke away from turning into fascists.
I don't know about you, but I've never once thought about joining the Nazi party, but anything's got to be better than this. I've got an idea. Let's just get rid of words. to ensure never hearing something you don't want to hear again. Let's just stop communicating. Let's just retro-evolve back into the swamps. That way no one will ever be offended by anything because we'll just be primordial slime without a backbone between us.
You know we're off air, right? It's a dangerous time to be a comedian. Trevor Noah. Trevor Noah was accused of racism. He had to apologise for making a joke about tensions between India and Pakistan, saying it could play out like a Bollywood film. What's so bad about that? He did the accents. What? He did the accents. That was the issue. He did a broad generic Indian...
Which I suppose, yeah, actually, I mean, that could have been it. Yeah, I mean, is doing an impression of someone's accent really? I mean, is it really that racist if every time, you know, just when you're amongst friends, when you order a Chinese takeaway and you and all your friends pronounce the word egg fried rice as egg fried rice, I mean, is that racist? Fuck. Everyone I know is a racist.
But, I mean, I've never hated a Chinese person. I'm not racist like that. Actually, that's not true. I have hated one Chinese person. But that's not because they were Chinese. It's because she was a two-timing slag. Knock, knock. Jonathan. Hi Roger. I was just talking about not being a racist. I just wanted to have a word with you about the meeting earlier. It was misjudged. A couple of people mentioned it and I think you just need to apologise. Roger.
I grew up in the 80s, okay? I mean, that word, it was everywhere. We had a cat in our neighbourhood that we called Spaz Cat. Right, my Nan was the person who named it, and she was an ex-teacher! Had three legs and a gammy eye. He was a local legend. Look, Jonathan... The Spastic Society. There was a shop, an actual shop.
called the Spastic Society on every high street. You remember that? Yes, I do. Then, of course, the word was appropriated by school kids and the word became associated with a cruel insult. The Spastic Society, it was forced to shut up shop and was rebranded as Scope. Playgrounds across the country toyed with the word Scopey for a while, but soon realised the party was over. The word was lost in the midst of time, and if I may say so,
Good bloody redness. Okay, so why did you think it was appropriate? I didn't. Truthfully, in that moment, I thought it would be funny. But I know it was a shit thing to say, a horrible way to describe someone, but I just said it. It was a reflex. So just apologise. I grew up in the 80s. When I was at school, it was kind of normal. It was every day. And when I say normal, the teachers did it, for fuck's sake. What do you mean you left your homework on the bus?
Sorry, I did it again. Jonathan, it's not a huge issue. We just need to write an email. And the problem is, of course, it's that brain of my schoolboy self. It's still up here. It's the same brain. And, you know, it's sometimes old habits. Okay, Jonathan, I'm not asking, I'm telling you. Your behaviour in today's meeting fell short of the high standards that we pride ourselves on here at the BBC.
15 years ago. I reckon you could have got away with saying that word on not the week. But times have changed. I get that. We now know that it's punching down. It's mocking the week. Literally. And as we have learned, mocking the weak is no longer funny, which is why it was cancelled. you should have told him Roger bring back Boyle Jonathan it was an idiotic thing to do
But you can't criminalize stupidity. If we did that, we'd have to hold a national IQ test and incarcerate the bottom 10%. Sounds like a great idea. Point being, you were an idiot. You should apologize. Just a quick email and I'm sure this won't become a thing, okay? Don't make this a thing. Jules, let's not make this a thing, huh? I don't want a thing. You're a fucking thing. Okay, are we ready to move on now? Yeah, sure. Okay. I mean, it's not just comedians, Jules. Fuck!
hell. It's the guy who got fired from working in a supermarket for Islamophobia because he reposted a Billy Connolly sketch on his Facebook page in which Billy Connolly called suicide bombers a bunch of fuckers. You hear about that one? It's not really a controversial position, Jules. Suicide bombers are fuckers. And he got fired for it. And it's Billy fucking Connolly.
What do you think about this, Sam? I just think people should be nice to each other. Not be horrible to people. Okay, but a joke's a joke, right? Maybe, but would you tell a slightly racist joke behind my back? No, but under the right circumstances I might attempt one to your face. Hmm, no, that's confused me. Ten seconds. Welcome back. We're talking free speech in comedy, but...
It's not just comedy, of course. Mike from Bridgewater says it's not just comedy. You've got people working for big book publishers crying and walking out because the publisher is publishing books by people they disagree with. Don't work at a publisher's then, Mike says. Get another job changing books, rewriting books.
that is cancel culture thank you mike from bridgewater yeah uh yeah i mean don't like the language in roald dahl's books uh don't buy the book then um if you don't like what's in it or you know you you think the author was a nazi sympathizing tit buy another book. But I'm sorry, there is no way on earth I'll be reading my son, Charlie, and the ethically sourced and sustainable cocoa production workshop collective anytime soon.
But that is a debate for another day. Today we're talking all things comedy. Next caller. Yeah, we've got another caller on the line. Go ahead. Well, thanks for having me on, Jonathan. My pleasure. Right, well, no one on television or the paper's ever going to admit this, but a few years ago... six seven years ago it was fine to call things gay wasn't it that's a bit gay yeah yeah he's right he's right and uh in our office we had simon andy and craig Three gay lads in a county.
We called it the gay ghetto. And they loved it. They had a little sign up. I'm not sure you'd be able to get away with that these days. Then someone changed it to his. Hiv Corner. And it ended up going to HR. Hiv Corner. No, I don't get that. HIV. Hiv. Hiv Corner. Oh, God, no, sorry. That's horrible. But it was a joke. Yeah, but it's not a very nice joke. And, you know, there's a time and a place.
Right. I'm not sure AIDS jokes have ever been, but yeah, the calling things gay thing, believe it or not, kids, that was a thing. You know, how gay is that? Thanks for your call. Next up, Paul in Sirencester. The problem is these days there are hordes of people out there just waiting to misinterpret what you say or take a joke at face value. They're desperate for it. They get off on it.
I'm offended. Look at me. Listen to me. It's all about me. Why do they direct that outrage at jokes about the thing instead of the thing itself? And they don't stop at being offended. That'll be fine. Being offended is no natural reaction. Even telling someone you're offended, totally not a problem. That's your right. I didn't like that joke. That's the good thing about free speech, isn't it? I mean, you have the right.
to let people know that you're offended. Exactly. But you've got hordes of the liberal twatterratty calling for comedians to lose their livelihood. People getting angry at jokes. Angry at jokes. Jokes from years ago. You can't... judge a sitcom that was on the telly in 1976 by today's standards. I mean, I was offended by that episode of Rising Damp from 1975. Really? Yes, it didn't live up to today's moral standards.
So what? Have you seen the world you're living in today? Have you seen what's going on outside your front door? And you're offended by a joke? Sorry, jog on. Exactly. Exactly. Nobody likes Piers Morgan, but if you're the sort of person who complains to Ofcom about Piers Morgan being an opinionated shit-stirrer, then that's 41,000 people whose opinion is probably best ignored. I mean, it doesn't take as many as that. Nowhere near for it to become a story because, of course, outrage sells.
People who actually complain are usually a very small but very, very vocal minority. And they're getting louder, you know, what with social media and the like. outrage sells. That's all the news is these days, is a little outrage factory. All a so-called journalist has to do to get a story these days is get on Twitter or Facebook and find someone that is offended by something. Then you pretend that their opinion matters and that their opinion is a true representation of the population at large.
You write a headline using the word outrage, which will help manufacture more outrage on top of the outrage you've just reported by the one person who was supposedly outraged. And everyone believes the outrage, of course, because people that aren't offended have better things to do than talk about their lack of offense.
So, the offended win. And they love it. They love the outrage. They lap it up like it's milk. Here's my question, right? Here's my question. What is so wrong with causing offenders? What is so wrong with being offended? Here's what happens when someone says something that you disagree with and you're offended.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. The world continues to turn. No real harm done. And no one cares that you're offended, by the way. Not really. No one cares. Why? Because if you're truly offended... It's an emotional reaction that you can't help. Just like laughing or crying or getting a boner. It's personal. It's within you. And what offends one person might not offend the other person. And neither of them are wrong, right? But...
We're at a point where some people believe that being offended gives them the right to demand that the world change around them. to suit their own very specific personal preferences. Another word for that is entitlement. We're also at a stage where many believe that causing offence needs to be legislated against. How do you legislate against offensive language?
For example, when offence is so subjective and all restricting language has ever done is restrict the ability to express opinion, which of course in turn restricts freedom of thought. Those of you that have read 1984 will know exactly what I'm talking about, even if you happen to disagree with me. For everyone else who happens to disagree with me who hasn't read 1984, your opinion is worthless.
on almost everything. So go away and read a book. Preferably 1984. That's me done. We're out of time. Back tomorrow. Same time, same place. And please don't forget, if you've got something to say, call Jonathan Pye. Thank you, and goodnight. Oh, that felt good. Please put this out.
Made your point, have you? Jules, we live in an age where giving offence is the worst crime a comedian can commit. An age of comedians apologising for an unsavoury misjudged joke they made seven years ago when no one at the time batted an eyelid. And actors... Fuck me. Actors apologising for playing characters other than themselves. I wouldn't... I would not apologise, ever. Speaking of which, you need to write that apology. Oh, seriously? Yes, and you need to do it now. Oh, fuck.
How about you just do it and then we can all just move on and discuss tomorrow's show. Okay, alright, get this down. You fucking secretary. Look, how about you just do it and then we can just move on and discuss tomorrow's show. Okay, to whom it may concern, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. At this morning's meeting, I said a word that was offensive and I regret it very much.
Yours sincerely. That's not an apology. That's a list of things that happened and how you're feeling about it. I would like to apologise for misunderstanding how offensive the word is these days. It was meant as a light-hearted joke. but not everyone understood it was a joke.
Comparing someone who is clearly not very good at their job and has some personal hygiene issues with someone who has a chromosome issue or severe learning difficulties, perhaps because of an accident, obviously a disproportionate comparison and one could therefore argue it is clearly hyperbolic, ironic and somewhat knowing in its faux pas but it would of course be churlish
of me to argue that I've stopped writing all this down by the way I accept that me saying the word was seen as offensive to some only made infinitely worse when I doubled down with a silly voice accompanied by I am ashamed to say it as much of my tongue as anatomically feasible stuff between my bottom teeth and lower lip. I accept that it probably wasn't appropriate for a work meeting, particularly a meeting about the introduction of disability quotas for on and off camera news talent.
blah blah blah you know half of me is hoping that they are discussing quietly terminating my contract you know letting me go quietly with a little bonus which on one hand would be a godsend because within a week i'd be snapped up by gb news on twice the money On the other hand, it would be a travesty because it was a fucking joke. What do you think I should do? You think I should send it? Not that last bit, obviously. What do you think I should do? How about just grow up?
Let's get this straight. Today you have offended the entire office and then spent an entire afternoon and evening of everyone's time trying to prove that you didn't by defending a tax avoiding comedian's horrible joke. Then you moved on to defend a sexual predator who mocked victims of gun crime. That's not the target of the joke. And at one point in your self-indulgent monologue, you even impersonated a Chinese person.
You might not be a bigot, Jonathan, or racist, or disabledist, but if you're not, you're a fucking idiot. Is this really the hill you want to die on? You keep up like this if you're wrong or you're right or just being a contrary twat for the sake of it. You will be taken off the air. And for what? For some free speech bullshit crusade. You will be on GB News if you fucking keep going like this. Just grow up.
realize that you are the product of a different era we all are but there are certain things that you don't do or don't say anymore they aren't acceptable anymore like when you grew up in the 80s like those amusing little caricatures of black people on the side of marmalade jars. Here's one for you. Here's another example of something that isn't acceptable so much these days. Getting touched up at work.
Hmm? Almost every fucking day for the first three years of my career, knowing that if I go to HR, I'll likely lose my job. That wasn't here, by the way. Hey, Jonathan, here's one for you. Do you remember when it was totally legal to punch your wife? The good old days.
Yeah? When if a man had sex with a man, they both ended up in prison. Oh, do you remember the black and white minstrel show? That was good, wasn't it? They should bring that back. At the heart of all this political correctness gone crazy is progress. Doesn't matter whether or not you used to say that word in the playground, Jonathan. And you know why? Because you're a fucking adult.
You're a grown-up. You said something, and you did something fucking horrible, and you should apologise. And in future, just judge the fucking room. That's what you should do. That's what I... Fuck! I've been wasting everybody's time, haven't I? Yeah. Sam? Yeah? I've been wasting everybody's time, haven't I? Yeah, I'm so sorry. I'm such a d- I'm such a dick! Okay, alright. Get this down, okay? Please. And mean it. Okay, okay. Dear, or, you know, whatever.
I would like to apologise unreservedly for using a word along with a facial gesture in a meeting earlier today that was deeply offensive. I also regret not having apologised soon. I accept that some words and actions are offensive and humour should never be a smokescreen for really deeply unpleasant behaviour. I am extremely sorry for any offence that I caused. How's that? Did you mean it? Yeah, I think I did actually. Well, it's fine.
Oh, fuck! What? Did I make a tit out of myself tonight? No, I mean, you were wrong. A lot. But made for good radio. Is Sam all right? He's just been hidden away a lot. Oh, God, yeah. What? I haven't been accidentally racist again, have I? He was actually a bit upset by the joke he made in the meeting. Really? Look, Sam's sister... Severely disabled. Oh God. He's quite upset about it. Oh God. Hey mate, can you come in here for a minute please?
Look, look, mate, listen, I really am sorry about that joke I made in the meeting earlier. Yeah, it wasn't a very funny joke, was it? Yeah, it's taken me a little while to get that, but yes, it was not good. I was really upset by you actually. Very hurtful. Sam, I'm so sorry. Jules just mentioned your sister, okay? Yeah, well, she wouldn't have been smiling either if she could use her mouth, which she can't.
It was really emotional. You're triggering for me and... I'm sorry, I can't do this to him. Look at his little face. What? What? Your face. Oh, hook, line and sinker. Right, right, that is fucking sick. Seriously, that is actually fucking, that is offensive. Inventing a disabled child, that is dark. That is not funny. Wow, you've overstepped a line there. That is offensive. Offensive 101.
Can you get me on a podcast or something? The rest is politics with Rory Stewart and Alistair Campbell. No, no, not a politics thing. Why not? They're big hitters. Well, one big hitter and one big mouth. I don't mean he's mouthy, he's not. Rory Stewart, very nice, very polite person, as people with his education tend to be, but I'm saying his mouth is huge.
Sometimes when you're talking to him and he's listening to you with his mouth open at the right angle, you can hear your own voice echoing back at you from inside his cheek. But I'm sure they'd be happy to have you on. No, not a politics podcast. I want to, okay, but look at this, all right? Okay, in the top five UK podcasts this week, number one, that Peter Crouch podcast.
You can't compete with Peter Crouch. It's three times your height. Yeah, I know, but look, this is my point. Second, we have Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acamp. Third, we've got Hypothetical, the podcast with James Acaster and Josh Widdicombe. Fourth, we've got Parenting Out with Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beck.
Yeah, I see. There's a theme emerging here. Fifth, it's probably a hypothetical footballing parent with Rob Beckett and Peter Crouch. I'm just not sure comedy podcasts are the right thing for you. Why not? No offence, Jonathan. You're just not funny. Y... can change the world. Yeah, you heard me. in a special mini-series of my BBC Radio 4 show Sideways. tell the story of how this small
transformed China's national identity and its international standing. Listen to China's Ping-Pong Power, part of the Sideways podcast on BBC South.