Call It Short & Sweet: It'll Be Our Little Secret

Call It what It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camille Luddington, an iHeartRadio podcast.

Hello, Hello, Hello.

Hello, Call It Crew, and welcome to another episode of Short and Sweet, Sweet.

Sweet and dives straight into Oh my gosh.

You all are the gift that keeps on giving. This one's all about you. I dedicate this episode to you.

And by you, she means they call it cruse the Call It crew. Because this episode is titled what Jessica, Just do It. I'm gonna say it.

You need to know about this episode is that there's not one of these submissions that isn't anonymous.

I know, I know, and that's amazing.

And that's why you're and this episode is about keeping my dirty little secrets.

I'll keep you my dirty little secret. Okay, they're all anonymous, yep.

Because and it's that time of the year where you can just you know, unburden yourself. You can just you know, unload the secrets or confessions. And we asked you to and you did not disappoint. I think the best way to do this is just to jump right in. There's no buffer needed.

We're just going no.

I'm starting off with the first one. Are you ready. Yeah.

In college, I found out my boyfriend was cheating, so I collected a box of valuable things from his house, an xbox, his huge glass, long gold necklace, and video games, and I took them to Goodwill and dumped him after.

He still has no idea to this day.

I think that might be illegal.

It's also called karma. Okay, that's what I have to say about the next one.

My senior year of college, I was so hungover from a night out early the next morning I could make it to the bathroom to vomit. So I threw up in a huge planter in our dorm and it's stunk for days and I've never told a soul. I still think about it and I want to die. That's so gross.

Yeah, it's really gross.

Oh and though honestly better in there than other places.

Yeah on, like carpet where you really couldn't.

Yeah.

No, it's just gross. But there's remorse, and that's.

Why we're here. Hold on, We forget.

A small part of you that was making good decisions.

Oh my god. The next one, Oh what you know what?

This happens more than I think we think.

Oh yeah, go read it so that they understand.

Okay, all right, I slept with my fifty year old female teacher and I was nineteen at the time.

That's a problem.

Who Yeah, but it's not illegal.

It's not illegal.

But so it's not like a crime. It's just a crime.

It's just mess and position of power. I mean we could, we could deep down.

Yeah yeah, yeah, no judgment. But wow, that's the secret.

You're going to keep that one secret.

Yeah. I killed my sister's fish while taking care of them when she was on a trip. I overfed them and then lied about it when she came home. I this is interesting to me because I heard the rumor that like fish will just eat eat, and then there's the myth or maybe fact is that their stomachs explode. Oh they can't stop eating. However, my kids, I, you know, it's like we'll feed the fish, and Lucas like I

Hmm.

Anyway, they're dead and nobody knows about it. They're gone.

Okay.

I call out sick to work every so often and don't tell my husband. So I gonna have dated myself at the house.

That's great, that's a good one. Good for you. That shouldn't. That doesn't even need to be anonymous. You should be proud of that. I would have put my name on that, Okay, couldn't. I'm in year what? Yes, I'm in year thirteen and I hooked up with my biology teacher on a night out recently.

What is year thirteen? It's not like you're like a year past being a senior.

I think you're still in high school. I think this is England is year thirteen? I got a check on this. Hang on, now, I'm gonna do a.

I wonder where they ran into their biology teacher on a night out.

That's what I was thinking. Huh And does an arrest need to be made? Questions?

So I don't know, Okay, okay.

I lied to my best friend once about something major and it ended with her trying to fight a person that had nothing to do with it.

That would be hor had to stand by. I would feel deep, deep, deep guilt about that one. Sorry, well, see you're anonymous. So oh yeah, tricky tricky to My mom's best friend had a three year affair with my uncle. It continued even when my aunt got pregnant. I caught them once, but haven't said anything.

Okay, you know what.

I know that these are supposed to be salacious and I I'm on board with it being, you know, naughty, but this.

Is really this isn't making me sad.

Moment I do.

Yeah, I mean.

That was not good.

Okay, although I have to say, I do have to say it.

Never behooves you to be the one that tells anyone, right, it's the message killed the messenger.

It's not like you're going to do anything good.

I'm gonna tell you what. That's true.

I know that's true because they.

Happens, they stay together, but they never want to see you again because you were the one that said it. Maybe it's an anonymous letter.

Of like I've thought about that.

Sally's having a little.

Yeah, I wanted to uncle Bob. Yeah, yeah, I wanted to do that.

Yeah, I think it's an I think it's anonymous letter time.

Yep, yep, okay, uh, this is you Okay.

A close friend of mine befriended this wretched girl, and they threw a huge New Year's Eve party at a hotel and I wasn't invited. So I called the police and tattled on them, and the party ended and they had to pay a fine. I'm weirdly okay with that one.

We support that absolve you of this crime.

Now we support that one.

Okay. The son of our CEO was forced on me to be an intern on my team. I came back from a meeting to him watching porn at his cubicle. I was so shocked. I just never said a word because it was so awkward. Ooh, I would have said a word about that, and.

You would have hell, yeah, But it would have had to be an anonymous letter. You're not marching into your CEO and saying, hey, your nephew Bob.

You know't call it HR. You would have said, yeah, I would have checked on Bob. Bob's been, Bob's at the cubicle. Cubicle four, check on him right now, right now, look at that search history. Okay.

I'm a nurse and while working on the I'm a nurse and while working in the ICU, I had gas and.

Did you know that I was gonna have to be this one because.

It's my kryptonite and I can't talk about it without laughing.

On ut. This one was meant for you.

Thank Yeah, just do it, okay.

Wow.

I'm a nurse and while working in the ICU, I had gas and blamed my farts on the intubated pation.

That is funny and terrible all the same time.

Also, there's something so radically with like someone laying there intimated but the farts just going out.

Yet, Oh my god, talking.

About someone who is intimating, because I want to know if they're okay now okay.

Oh my god, yes, imagine if they die, You've like spread around about them not laughing, my god to call it crew are just they're in fine form today? Oh lord. I slept with my boss, befriended his wife, and tutored his daughter. Not my finest moment. I love the how it's considered just a moment.

Yeah, it's a serious of moments.

Yeah, Anonymous, I can say this pretty.

I'm not changing, however, does No, I'm not judging.

I'm calling it what it is.

What is it? A little hand? The marks of cradle?

It's not good.

Do you don't it's not great. It's not a great.

Look. No, it's not.

She I don't know if I why, I don't know why. I think it's whatever. I know this is not your finest moment. Glad you noticed.

No, no, I mean you're not putting that on your resume, are you? No? No?

No, no, Okay.

In COVID, when we all had to work from home, I was one of those people who made a fake background photo of my home office and took my meetings even though I wasn't in the country. We had a strict must be home policy. And I said that I never got caught.

That's so smart.

Yeah, naughty. She's like, oh my god, that beaches of Costa Rica.

Yeah, I think that's amazing. I love it. Okay, this is fine. I'm okay with this next one. Actually, I licked all the powdered sugar off a box of donuts and put them back in the box and watched my brothers eat them all. Fine with it, support it, Okay, that's what you get for beingdon brother. It is gross, though, it's gross.

Do you remember a long time ago, wasn't there something around Ariana Grande licking donuts?

Right? She got in trouble for that. It was on camera.

She but she went into a.

Dunkin Donuts or something and she licked some donuts. She was she was anonymous.

Then you know what, she's not doing that on the Wicked Tour.

No, she is not doing that.

No, oh man, No, she's really funny. By the way, on SNL she's been like hosting and she's really funny.

And she doesn't your favorite. She does Jennifer Coolidge. She has an impression.

Person's great impression. It's amazed.

Yeah.

No, she's very funny.

Okay, this was years ago, but it's still a secret between my friends and I to this day. My mom and dad got divorced when I was sixteen, and just a few months after the divorce, my younger sister told me she had suspicions that my dad was cheating on his new girlfriend, who had just moved in with him after one month of dating. Our single family friend mentioned she saw my dad on a dating app. So, being the board seventeen year olds, we were my friend and I put her on art detective hats and made a

I need to know more. Where did this go? Do you tell Daddy Dues that you've been on the app and you trapped him?

Yeah?

Woow? I mean who is to be trusted? I mean, I don't know. I can't see my sister and I doing something like this. I support this one. I mean I think it's dark humor, but it's humor. This is why I love the crew, because they're just willing to tell us even if it's, like, you know what, this makes me kind of look crazy, and they still, yeah, they give it. They give us the goods. Okay. When I first got married to my now husband, happy birthday card arrived at the house from his ex girlfriend. I

Yeah right, whatever?

The mail open someone else's mail? Ye, So how does she know it's from my girlfriend ex girlfriend? Well, there's a return to address, no returning address. You put your name and return address on things yeah, that's okay. If it gets accidentally, you know, a little coffee spilled on it, and then you throw it away set fire to could be illegal. Tho, I'll look it up.

All right.

You know how if you shop at Nordstrom his rack, you can accumulate points and discounts. I still use my ex's number email and whenever I go, I take his ten to twenty dollars discount based off his purchases and use them for myself.

Smart smart person.

Wow.

Okay, So whether that was naughty or nice, it's a lot of not.

There's a lot Listen, we're learning to call it crew. There's a lot of people on Santa's Naughty List this year. I know it's okay, we've all been, but hopefully this has unburdened you and and our calling out what it is has made you hope for a brighter, less criminal future.

And we're we're happy to be a part of that process for you. So that's really I got for you, and.

I with you. It cracks me use with you, it cracks me up. It's okay, we're all on the naughty List. We're all gonnah gosh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And uh but I think that we keep saying this. I think we need to hear more. Yeah, I mean it's a gift. I keep saying this.

It really is the gift that keeps on giving.

For New Years, we need people to unburden themselves more. I think right before this, yes, New Year's resolution.

Sometimes I get great pleasure in because it and these were all anonymous. I get great pleasure in imagining. I have an active imagination people who listen to this podcast, like on a run or you know, sitting by the ocean or on their commute to work or whatever, all of a sudden hearing us read their submission.

Yeah, being like, yeah, yeah, it's me, it's happening.

I used to do that.

I used to actually, I used to call it a kiss FM in Los Angeles where Ryan Seacrest lives, and I would I would just hope to be have my voice on the radio. Really Yeah, you'd have a call in or you would like, yeah, there'd be contest contest to win something, or you'd call in with an embarrassing story or you know that kind of thing. And yeah, I definitely did that, Leo with me.

Yeah, I love that. Sure, thank you guys for being so funny, the best, the best.

Yeah, let's call it the end the episode