MR MIMS

Hello, yep, welcome, welcome, welcome, welltle.

Come back. The podcast is back. Call Chelsea PARRETTI CCP, which I've just learned is also some other weird abbreviation for some horror some political organization that we are certainly not affiliated with or have researched at all. Didn't really look into the acronym. Figured that called Chelsea and party was proprietary. Here is the podcast. I lay it before your feet and I say, please judge me, embrace me. Let's get back to all those crazy feelings that we

That was me.

With the pod topics. But now we're really honing in, We're really putting the pedals to the metal. We're grinding to really possibly overproduce these episodes. You're gonna be the judge as always, You're gonna be the judge, You're gonna be the jury. That's how it is nowadays. Right, everyone's everything. Everyone's a historian, everyone's a scientist, everyone's a politician, everyone's a comedian, everyone's everything. Andy Warhol was right. In the future,

Hey Chelsea, Hey girl, Oh my god, it's been so long. Rains come in, rains come out, and you're doing.

Your podcast again. We are living in magical times. I am so excited. I cannot wait for what you have in store for us. Maybe some more letters from Oliver, some move to your tests, some more guests. I don't know, like, I'm so excited. Your podcast remains one of the best, and I was, of course hoping to get through. But thanks for making podcast.

Girl.

You know we love your content. We just live for your content. I should know better than to know that you just probably don't want like a ass kissing like voicemail, but I just don't know what to say. I'm super scenting about your pod putting back and I can't wait to see your movie and y yay.

That's where you misunderstood me, because I really do want that. In fact, I'm playing it for everyone. One voicemail of someone who is pumped. I'm trying to lay out the case for you to be excited I don't know. I have a lot of spit in my mouth right now. I used to have a crush on this guy in kindergarten. I think it was kindergarten and he had a spitty mouth. Isn't that like a funny, weird part of the crush anyway, don't remember if that girl said her name, But thank

Okay, So basically SMR is like something where you just whisper. But I also feel like it's like crumpling papers, tearing paper, and then that's pretty satisfying.

I'm not gonna lie. What if I do that with my entire notebook.

Let's see. First you kind of pull from the spiral ring notebook and then you crumple it up. I whisper about it, and you waste another good thirty seconds of everyone's life, which is kind of the goal of the internet. So mission to accomplished.

Extra spit. So here we are. We're having fun. It's me and my thoughts, me and my spit, and you and your calls. Oh I haven't even posted the number yet, so let's see what we can do here. Okay, let's see what we can do here. My all right, So we have done a lot of banking of episodes, something that is really makes me feel professionals. I didn't have ads on my old podcast because I was trying to be a good person, I guess, And so now it's

Going on, man, the pot is back. I'm so excited about this.

Can you believe it?

I mean, it's really clearly ground what.

Hello, hello, Lindsey. Yeah, almost lost you there. You're the first caller to the first episode.

Back.

I'm having an excess of saliva right now due to a beverage I'm having here in studio. This is not an ad.

Well, I'm honored to be the first back.

Okay, thank you starting it up for real? Like a you're gonna be this is Yeah, I'm gonna even do ads. I never did ads on my old podcast, and you know now, I'm just excited to see what corporate America like, why not? Why not make some money off the work I'm doing?

You know, yeah you should, Yeah, I want. I'm excited to see what kind of ads you're doing.

You know, yeah, I am too. Honestly, I hate to say, I'm super excited to see what ads I'm gonna be doing. Man, I can't wait, do you want to take a food test? Sure? This excess of spit, I don't know what's going on. Usually, like if you're nervous, if you're whatever, you get drymout. This is I've never had an excessive spit. Let me google it. It's going to be like cancer if five ways it presents excessive salava And I'm like, no, okay, food test? Are you ready? Okay?

Yeah?

All right? So wait a minute. Uh oh, I don't have one of my sound effects that I really need, the buzzer.

Oh is that the same soound effects or the like you're bringing in like a new wave.

You know what, it's gonna be something old, something new? Are you organizing some drawers right now? Lindsay, no, sorry, I was.

Just opening up a polar water and then Seltzer water.

I apologize for that.

Wait you're opening two waters.

No, it's just a Seltzer water. Oh this is not an ad.

Okay, not not yet, not yet. Let's pay ourselves because believe me, I want the whole podcast to be ads, but I gotta do a little chit chat in between. All right, So okay, I do have it? Okay, ready for the food test? Yeah, it's gonna be rapid fire. Okay, get your energy up, jump around twenty times. Ready, I'm ready. Yeah, cake pops no, not a fan. Correct that ding? We need a different ding. That ding is shrill.

That sounds like a smoke alarm.

That sounds like a knife, like a Swiss army knife. Just being just. I want to say Jack hammered into your temple, but we're stuck with it for now. Okay, you're correct. Cake pops are bad. Chocolate covered strawberries.

I have to say, they're really messy to eat, but they're good. Cake wise, I would say yes, yeah, I guess. Oh man, I have really mixed feelings about it.

So that means you're mostly wrong, but you're a little bit right.

So okay, strawberry your cover strawberries.

It's a texture issue, right, I mean the chocolate is way too hard and the strawberries are super juicy. When you're chewing that together, it's like they don't compliment each other.

No, yeah, it's very good on paper, I think exactly.

On the other hand, it's like not there, right, we all love who doesn't love strawberry? Who doesn't love chocolate? Like it's a very confusing thing, and I think you're supposed to believe that it's good, like because it's fancy.

Like.

Also, isn't it supposed to be like sexual too, like day like movies? And I'm like, yeah, that would.

Just be like a mess.

Like if someone if a guy can stack like six chocolate covered strawberries along his dick, that's the ultimate. No, it's just it's supposed to be sexy. I'm not sure why. It's something that hotels have. It's something that it's like a Valentine thing. No one's ever like craving a chocolate covered strawberry to my knowledge. But I'm gonna start pulling people more extensively about it. But it's gonna be a hot topic of the show going forward. I can sense it.

I can't wait to follow it all right.

Black pepper, as in at a restaurant when they ask do you want more pepper? Do you say yes or no?

I would say yet, okay on this when I'm ambivalent also a little bit, I do want the pepper, but you know, it's almost not worth interacting with the pepper the pepper shaker.

It's like, does it make that much of a difference on yourself excess of saliva. I need to google this. I'm holding myself back from googling it. It's probably gonna be like I have a tumor in my salivary gland. I can't. I can't look that up right now. So okay, black pepper, we're leaning yes, but also a little bit. Is it worth it my my analysis?

Okay, yeah, it's a it's a production at a restaurant.

And then I think it's kind of informative that listen. Sometimes there is no simple answer, there is no dan or buzzer, you know. It's you got to use your critical thinking and be analytical, all right.

Olive oil like a trick question, gray area survey, right, you know, so we got to have some of those, even though the real pretense of the whole food test is complete objective truth.

Okay, olive oil versus butter, what do you choose?

That would also depend, but I think on the whole I would probably say butter.

I can feel your nerves. I could feel you doubting yourself and you were wrong. You were wrong, as it turned out, because butter is too heavy. People rely on it to make things taste good, which it does. That first bite you're like, ooh, what is this? Then by the third fourth bite, you're dragging your heel. Excuse me, you're dragging your heels. You're going, oh, why do I feel so heavy? It's like you ate a brick. And

I don't eat meat, but when I did, I would eat it for like it would breakfast only.

So would you're gonna have to say good or bad sausage?

Okay, good.

Brow you gave it up for a reason. Should have thought it out a bit more. Sausage is bad. Here's my thing about sausage. I don't like the texture.

My wife, my wife like, you're really boiling it.

What'd you say?

My wife told me I'm really boiling.

Yeah, you it's it's this has been a wild ride, first food test out of the stable, and what a wild ride it's been, lindsay, Okay, sausage, here's my thing. Texture. Eh, I don't know. It's like eating bristle. Right, It's like not my favorite texture. I'm realizing how crucial texture is to my food enjoyment. I want to say mouthfeel, I want to say toothsome Okay, So sausage, I'm giving a note. Okay, next up. Okay, I'm gonna tell you right out front, this one is a trick one.

Okay, Oh god.

Okay, cuman okay, cuman.

Human, I'm gonna say.

No, I'm not saying no.

Oh my god, Really, I really am bot it.

So here's the deal. I used to think I hated Cuman, and then I realized I only hate how Caucasians use Cuman. Oh so, if you ever go to a Sushuan restaurant, I think you'll fall in love with Cuman, and then you'll fall in love with it again, and you'll be like waking up with Cuman the next day, like what happened? That was incredible, lot, I don't know you had it like that, Kimen, and then all of a sudden, Cuman's like, uh yeah, I gotta go, and you're like, okay, well,

Well.

I think I was at the Bacua in one of the apps before I say, I mean, human, has I know Cuman has come up in your Yeah.

Well, I mean I historically was anti cumin, and now I have to revise my statement. I had on my Caucasian goggles. I didn't understand cuman, and therefore I feared human typical typical bullshit. But now that I've changed my tune, pro Cuman, love Cuman on the record. Okay, all right, all right? Next up? Soup? What is it? Soup? S o ups soup?

Oh I love soup.

Yeah, I notoriously hate so that. I haven't been keeping scoring here, but I think you're in the D minus territory. Okay, yeah, really bad.

I think I had like like I had like one and two halves equal to because there were a couple like gray area ones.

But yeah, I'm not doing great chance to redeem yourself right now? Double or nothing, don't know what that means? And dive own d's and dive. Yes it is pretty good. Crunchy goes good with like a nut and a cheese, although again cholesterol. What do I do? What do I sub? I don't know there's subs out there? What about an you had?

Anto? And dive? I've ever had that.

Dish anchovy inside a piece of and ive?

No?

No, well, I was this was actually like a legit. I was in Rome, Italy, and it's like it was my favorite thing I ate there the whole time. Was just like really simple anchovy and and dive dish that I like still think about all the time.

Could you describe it?

I mean it really there wasn't much to it. They just prepared it in a way where it was just kind of like a hot dish with just some anchovy's in there and some and dive.

Oh, cooked and very and beautiful.

I loved it.

It was cooked. Yeah, it was cooked in like an anchovy sauce.

No, it wasn't a sauce. It was like anthropies and they're like big ones. They were like nice and yeah, it just came out like a cast iron skillet. I think it was actually prepared at a traditionally Jewish.

Okay, here we go with the pandering. Here we go with the pandering that it wasn't.

I just mean to say, I don't think it was traditional Italian because we went we went there specifically because it had been recommended to us, So I don't know that it would fall under like the Italian cuisine even though we were in Rome, because it was more of.

A traditional Jewish restaurant.

This is me, This is me.

I promise I wasn't.

I'm half and half. So it's like the essential pandering. This is like quintessential.

Oh I forgot her, but I wasn't even thinking of that.

No, I'm kidding, listen, I'm kidding. I'm only kidding with you. Lindsey. What if this food test just keeps going for like forty more minutes. We're doing a new thing where it's one call per episode.

Oh my god, I would be so honored to be the first long haul.

There was so much con traversy in my podcast of call length. Is it? Am I being too nice? And it's boring? Am I being too mean? And the call should last longer? And you know what I had to do constantly assess, constantly try to gauge what would make the listener happy. So here I am a recalibration exactly. I feel like I should be wrapping up, but let's see you. I'll do one final thing to see if you can break the curse. Oh, your dog is joining Okay?

Rat?

I don't I don't have I've never had it.

I can't say.

What a weird ending.

I know.

I think it's crazy. I'm getting the hell out of here. I can't buy the that. Okay, here we go. Hello Susan, Hi Chelsea, how are you.

I'm so happy your podcast is back.

Well, listen to Zan. Thank you? What was your favorite thing about it?

That's a good question. I would say that you always wanted callers to bring something to the table, and that was really kept the energy and the pace going.

Well, thank you. You know. I was just saying to my first caller of the pod cast back, how it was just this constant dance, you know, this fight or flight situation in which people were like, you're too nice, the calls are boring and they're too long, or they're like you're too mean, you hang up on Biba two hats. So for me, I'm just constantly trying to just gauge it, keep people happy, keep it moving, but also hurt people's feelings.

Yeah, what made you decide to bring it back? People have been demanding it for years, but I'm just curious how you decided.

Well, some of that goes into an extremely personal story that I can't get into right now, but fair No, I the truth of the matter is it's it really works well with my schedule, okay, And so I don't know. And also I just have a lot of ideas. This reboot is going to be a little different. We're going to have some interviews that are going to be exciting with people I'm obsessed with from whether it be Instagram or Instagram no, like even people from series, television series.

I remember, I think it was when Adam Scott was on the podcast. Yeah, you did like Trader Joe's Snacks studio.

Yeah, that would be amazing. You know, one thing I'd really like to do is actually go to Trader Joe's with a small microphone and record like an MPR style piece with Adam Sandler. Not Adam Sandler, I would I'm like swapping out the guests come to you.

Yeah, but and try Adam Scott and try, like, just check out what new snacks are open, what we like, what we don't like, and do it in a covert field piece way.

I think that would be fun. So skanks for the memories. Yeah, do you have a favorite Trader Joe's snack?

Oh gosh, that's such a good question.

Is it really just killing time?

I Well, that's another good question because we did talk about Trader Joe's snacks the one time I called. Oh, I called twice before in the old podcast, okay, and I played it with my brother and he said it was a boring discussion.

Oh shit, what's your brother into?

Like sports?

Eat shit?

I can't relate that.

No, that's too extreme. That's too extreme. Well, that's the thing, you know, one man's this is another man's that, one woman's this is another lady's. So maybe it's not for him.

But I do like the mochi rice nugget with a little bit of the onion salt sprinkled on top.

Mm hmm, the mochi rice nuggets. So that's a savorything, not like a sweet mochi.

Yeah, it's like a crunchy rice mochi in a bag. It's in the chip aisle.

All right, Well, would you like to take a quick food test? Okay, cake pops?

No?

What does that mean? Good? Or not good? Oh?

Not good?

Correct? Chocolate covered strawberries good?

Correct?

Olive oil versus butter? Which do you choose?

Oh, that's like Soaphi's choice. I would say I'm Middle Eastern, so I'm gonna say olive oil.

Correct. Sausage good or bad?

I'm gonna say bad.

You're on a fucking roll here. Cuman good.

That's like our national spice.

Correct. What's your favorite dish that you make with cuman?

I've ben hummus. I mean that's so big, really boring, but yeah. Or on fool, which is like mashed up sava beans with a little olive oil and onion and human on top.

That sounds good.

The teen hani in there and then you dip some pewa bread in it?

Is cuman in za tar? Good? Is it in there?

Oh?

You could put zacher on it. My parents are from Egypt, and that's not really like a big part of their quisine.

Aha. What is your favorite Egyptian dish?

I would say.

Mashie, which is stuffed grape leaves for dolmos.

Oh, I love dolmos with lots of lemon, but I'm a real lemon freak.

Yeah, but we make them with a little bit of tomato sauce in them.

I've had that variety, freaky style. Yeah, I've had that variety. It's a little sweeter, right, Yeah. Okay, here's a good one, red wine sauce. Is it good or is it bad?

I wouldn't say bad.

Wow. Wow, you are absolutely on a.

Roll, Kelsey. Did we become best friends?

Let's see how you do on this next one, and that will decide if we're going to become best friends. Stu Stu st e w Stu. Is it good or is it bad?

I'm gonna say bad on that one? For sure.

You're correct. Holy moly, I've got a new best friend. Ladies and gentleman. First thing you were gonna do, go out to eat? What's your dream lunch?

My dream lunch? Gosh, these are all really deep philosophical questions. There was I was prepared to interview you. I wasn't prepared to be interviewed.

Really. I feel like I may have misled you with my past podcast.

Deal lunch.

I would say it's again a very generic answer. Are like hummus, but a big salad lovesomms that makes a salad with very ice cold, crispy romaine spring and iceberg lettuce mix, cucumbers chopped into tiny cubes with no seeds, de seated, shredded, shred good.

I like the ice.

Cheese, and then potato sticks the side of their homemade pepper corn ramps.

What the hell I was on all this crispy vegetable.

Bland, But it's so good. It's really just a vehicle for the ranch dressing to get into your mouth, right shock garliki, very peppery.

Okay, I mean I could see if it's it's like a sizzler.

And I posted a picture on my Instagram story of it. And I've never gotten more d ms from people from my hometown that I didn't really need to hear from. But it costs quite a chaos.

Please please please at me in that post and I'll take a look, se Pio, see how it's looking. Yeah, is it possible? You could do it? Right now?

I think so? This is exciting, right.

People love listening to the people.

Love hearing people shuffle around online. Okay, I will say this. One of my one of my media icons was I'm gonna say it was Wendy Williams. And part of what I loved about her was what it's like those videos where they're like, mom, I can't believe it, Dolly Patton dead at sixty five. I literally, well, she seems like she's yeah. So I don't know what's going on with her. But anyhow, listen, Uh, that's neither here nor there. I'm trying to see if you tagged me, but I it's happening.

It's happening. I had never heard of Wendy Williams until you the impression when she only had a radio show and not a talk show.

M h.

You really opened me to broader her eyes, Chelsea.

And now she's not on the air, what do you do? Bring back the pod? All right, listen, I gotta go. I think we both have to admit this is not good. We got to stop it. Susanne, great call. Great to hear from you. I'm gonna be looking for that salad and stay Golden Bay. Okay, who we're getting old ladies and I love it. Leah, Leah, how are you?

How you doing it?

How are you? I'm so excited the pod is.

That doing really good? Doing really good, really really good? Okay, I have to say for the listener, I just got tagged in the salad photo. After all this time, it looks disgusting and I can cut. My previous collar was talking up this salad. I mean, if I told you, if I told you, it looks like someone dumped a bag of French fries on top of a salad. I mean, she was like, this salad is all these crunchy cold cucumbers and ice cold, and it just sounded so juicy,

I had a coworker who used to do pizza salad. She would bring leftover pizza and leftover salad and then just cut up the pizza and sprinkle it.

Oh man, this is gonna be controversial, but I actually love pizza salad. At first, I was gonna be like, that's disgusting, just get a pizza. But then I remember that John and Vinnie's has a pizzava. John and Vinnie's a restaurant here in Los Angeles, they have a salad pizza that is so good. It's a plain tomato thing with no cheese on it, and then they put this salad with this creamy, tangy dressing on it. And there's little pieces of like shaved parmesan in the salad and

I mean, my controversial take on salad is that I hate dressing.

But I know that.

I'm wrong in that.

What dressing? I mean? I want to say, what dressing have you tried? Because I make incredible solid dressings. Do you like garlic?

Yeah?

I like garlic.

I don't know how you're saying. I need to back up you go, yeah, I mean I like garlic. I don't think you like garlic talking like that.

No, I love garlic.

I will eat straight up garlics like a little roasted clothes on a pizza.

Okay, Okay, now I just had to get some clarity there, all right, So we're in good shit.

To be fair, I know that my Swood opinions are wrong because we previously disagreed years ago on sour cream. I'm a sour cream cream cheese hater.

Oh wow, well, listen, this is why I have high cholesterol. This is a hot topic of the show so far. My high cholesterol. I'm trying. I'm trying to drop it down. I'm trying.

We have to take the pleasures that we can get in this life, and a high cholesterol is a side effect of eating.

Well, you know what I did the other night, nutritionists, If you're listening way in, I would love nutritionists to call every episode. I need. What I'm saying is I need life coaching and nutrition coaching. But so here's what I did the other night. My friend Dylan, Dylan Adler, comedian, shout out, shout out, who came over. We went and did a show together. I said, you know what, I'm about to eat a baked potato. Do you want half? He said, sure. Here's what I did. Now, I think

Green onions situation.

Exactly, and the green onion there was no there was only dairy was the cottage cheese, and the onions were a good texture addition. So I highly recommend it, even though it was really embarrassing to serve, like I was like, this is the saddest like having someone come over to eat half a potato, it felt. And also my house was filthy, and I was like, this is like he's never been over. It's like, I just feel like it's like ruining my reputation. You come to a filthy house and I.

Serve you a side of my share a potato.

Share some weird Frankenstein health food half of a potato, and then I'm like, all right, well, anyway, the truth of the matter is, in spite of all that, it was absolutely delicious, and I think a keeper, Yeah, all right, thank you, you're gonna get ingding dg oh, it's like out of time, goodbye. I literally didn't. I literally said everything on the call, poor girl, that wasn't okay, it's

How do you think the podcast is going so far.

I'm a little worried that it's a little boring.

Talking about food, But on the other hand, I feel like people do like that. I don't know who my audience exactly is gonna be, but I feel like I need to get something controversial going and like be really mean to a caller so that the people who like me and calls will be happy. I pity whoever calls next, because they're gonna take the brunt of that in.

A really drastic way.

But luckily at the moment, no one is calling, which is also a real slap in the face for just my own sense of self importance and popularity.

What Hello, Yeah, Kelsey Ready, Hi, Hi, I'm so glad your podcast is thank you for bringing it back. It is just center of my k.

That's a new sound effect here on the board here at the reboot of the podcast. It's a bear's roar. What do you think?

Oh, it reminds me of this really cool bear story I once heard, so I'm not mad about it. It's yeah, it passes. It passes as a bear sound.

Fucking shut up. I'm so sorry. I have to be mean to a caller because I just was nice to a bunch of callers. So you're kind of the fall guy. I feel terrible.

That's okay. Do you do you have anything to say? Do you have any questions for me?

Yeah? Do you want to take a food test? Actually? I have a different one. This is this is a new category called defend your position. Are you ready?

Yeah?

All right?

Do it?

Defend your position? Tucked sheets on feet? Do you tuck your sheets at the bottom in your bed or do you untuck them?

I mean I tucked them on the bottom of the bed for sure.

Actually, you're wrong. It's absolutely claustrophobic to have the sheets tucked on your toes.

I disagree, Well, agree to disagree.

Hmm.

Do you have another one?

I do? Okay, this is a classic one. Okay. Toilet paper over or under? Toilet paper over or under over? You're right, You're actually right? All right? You went Oh? I hung up. She was about to say something possibly very important, and I actually just felt like in my head, I was going, you know what, her energy is a little low and I should hang up and wait right as I hung up, but it was too late. Let's see. Hey. Is it you again or is it a new person?

It's still me?

Okay, I what were you about to say? I heard you go right as I was hanging up.

I was like another one, another one.

Oh okay, okay, here's a good one. Are you on an iPhone?

No?

I'm on a Google phone? Is that wrong?

Well?

I wanted to do something on the iPhone? Okay, let's see look through my notes here. This is s m R while I while you wait? Okay, what car is? The worst drivers on the.

Road Mitsubishi Lancer or.

B m W. It's actually Hondas and Mercedes. Remember this old tune Java Mercedes? And so I got.

And so I got.

Right in a left hand lane.

I make that right.

I make that right. If I mon I'll make a left, liddle right hand lane, I make that left, making that left. I get to do whatever I want, whatever I want, and so I get.

Here in Montreal. It's more like if you drive a Mitty BC Lacer you are absolutely a crackhead, or if you.

Hung up Bonner again, I feel like crackhead isn't really used much anymore. New person, Carol, Wow, this is ab solutely vindicating every caller is female. I I truly used to struggle.

Hello, Carol, this is Gabby.

Well sometimes this happens. You know, the name that pops up on the screen. Maybe it's like your mom pays your bills or something, and that's her name. Let's not worry about it. Let's not worry about them, the carol of it all. You said your name is Gabby.

Oh my god, ho that's me Cappy.

Welcome, Welcome to the podcast.

Hey, I'm so excited. Coffee cranking.

Oh, speaking of.

Coffy coffee coffee coffee crank and throw a sick cat coffee crank and throm a gang coffee crank and throm sisky cafy.

Top it cup and copy cop copy copy cuffe, top it cop and copy cop pop copick cop copick cop cop cop the cop cop copy cop man. So you know.

Espresso espresso? What's going on? So expasso? Oh alright, Te. So you're a longtime listener to the The OG podcast.

Yeah, I was re listening a couple of weeks ago and then everything disappeared.

How did you feel about that?

I was hurt.

We're going to release the best of We're going to release best of episodes highly curated Kojack's are gonna go through.

Huh, Sorry, there's an ambulance going by.

I just burped five times? Is that a SMR? Is everything a SMR? Oh? Do you want to hear something?

Yeah?

Do you want to hear you tomorrow?

Yeah?

This is me typing to a customer at work.

Okay, that sounds fake. You you got a little melodramatic at the end with the with the keypad. I was into the initial like natural virgin. Okay, sorry virgin? Also you did. I was waiting for you to talk to the customer.

I'm in a live chat right now and I'm ignoring them because I'm talking to you.

What is this real? Like? You're really working right now? Yeah?

Doing customer service?

What does the customer need? Maybe I can see an ode to berger rack your replies to the customer? What are they asking for?

I don't know how specific.

I want to be dildo with the product? All right, Well, there goes that segment idea. I don't know what people.

The product isn't working and they need me to fix it.

Ask them have they tried like unplugging it and replugging it?

Okay, I'll tell her to do that and I'll tell her that you said to do it.

Okay, thank you so much. Oh my goodness, I really really out of time. Goodbye, And honestly I forgot about the feeling of doing this. Hello.

Hello?

Is this pre recorded? Maybe?

Hello?

How are you want to hear something cool?

Oh?

Hell yeah?

That was my idea for this episode.

How would you put that into words?

Lin't? They wouldn't because I turned it into eat simmarm of crumpling up words. That was the idea.

I have been really calmed right now.

Okay, okay, I'm gonna give you a little food test. Cake pops. What do we think? Good or bad?

Bad?

I love that everyone really does hate cake pops? Who eats them? I'll tell you. I was watching one of my Peloton instructors and instagrams. Yeah, I'm a fucking loser, and her little treat to herself at the end of her fucking day with her perfect, fucking shitty body was a cake pop. And I was just like, ough, like, cake pops fucking suck. It's all frosting. The frosting always tastes like synthetic, and the cake is like too moist

Probably tour tickets will be three million dollars a pop because I have to fleece my pockets for what reason, I don't know, just capitalism, the drive to compete.

All my peers are playing stadiums. I have to do something.

Yeah, that's so.

True, you know.

I gotta say. Also, your posts on Instructor's life can't be that good if he treat was a cake pop.

Though, Listen, this is how people live who perfect bodies, and that's the problem. I'll tell you. In my twenties, I could eat whatever I wanted and I had a perfect body, and that's the best place to be in life. You're just like burgers. I love burgers a and then everyone's like fuck you, and you're like and then boom, your forties they come in like a freight train out of hell, and your high metabolism that you always bragged about, you're down to earth, I eat whatever with all the dudes.

What did you ever like prove in that moment that you could do push up?

This is with my trainer?

Okay, God, amazing, Well that's cool. Does your trainer like Kikpops?

I listen. I don't think so. I don't think she's any sugar whatsoever. She's absolutely shredded. She's sixty sixty nine years old and shredded to the high heavens. That's the kind of inspo I need, now, you.

Know, to be sixty nine and shredded.

Yeah good, we need Kojak to make that song sixty nine and shredded. We I'm sixty nine and shreded, shredded for sixty nine, which means I'm really not tuned at all because I'm shredded for sixty nine. Well, I'm sixty nine and shreded. I'm shredded for sixty nine, which means I'm really not tuned at all because I'm shredded for sixty nine. All right, let's see what else can I test you on here?

Oh yeah, yeah, Well I can tell you that one time someone told me that I was asked, have you ever seen a shredded old person? And I wanted this person to end the conversation, so I was like, guess not, and he said that's because they're already dead. And that was an interesting moment.

I don't believe you it was.

It was.

It was a grinder hook up.

Really cool.

I'm just gonna come out and say it's too coincidental. I can't accept the anecdote during anecdote and progress, I have to hit my buttons and sh I have to go to my buttons on that. I have to go to my buttons.

Fucking shut up.

Of course, I understand, I understand.

And I don't mean it personally, and honestly, I think I've become too nice for my own soundboard. Every single button I'm hitting it.

It's been a little bit.

It's breaking my heart. It's absolutely breaking mine.

Shut up heart, damn.

Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, but tell that story again about the shredded old person.

Okay, all right.

Uh So's having a conversation with a like a meathead and we're talking about working out, and he said, I think about it. Have you ever seen a shredded old person? And I said, hmm, guess not. And he said, that's because they're already dead.

More, am I More? This is a real tour through all the archivalture buttons in the soundboard. We have some work to do on this soundboard. Always, that's part of the show. That's part of the great spirit of competing with yourself to always make yourself better, you know what I mean?

Yeah, like a mirror to your past.

Exactly exactly and going, hey, you were better in some ways, as in more toned, let's say, but you were also stupider and meaner and younger and dumber. You know. So who are we now? We don't know. We're in an identity crisis. But one thing we do know is I'm trying to license all the songs I used to play on my podcast, and let's say there are they're offering up a per play fee. That's absolutely astronomical. The idea, the idea of pressing a sound effect and knowing that

Yeah listen, of course, thank you for chatting. This was a true delight.

Wo Brittany, is it you?

Yeah?

Wow wow, wow, wow wow wow. I love your dancing.

You're a LEGI you're alleged mate. I love your dance, and I do you think your hair color could use a bit of upkeep? But hey, who am on to talk of? Got crazy hair?

Crazy crazy crazy hair. But I love you, bit, I love you. What's up?

Yeah?

I wanted to find out when we can see your movie for female Director.

Well, you know, we don't have a public release date, but it's gonna be in roughly ten years. I can't tell you what I can tell you it's it's gonna be an absolute eternity, So sit tight, hold the edge of your chair, and patience is supposedly a virtue.

Yeah, okay, you're.

Gonna be sitting there waiting and you're gonna be like, so, how have you been?

I don't know, right, I'm an organ and it's rainy, so I'm just trying to slow down a little.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, what did you think of?

Organ?

Tell you the truth? I absolutely loved it. I was on the Oregon coast. I made a reel. Reels are so stupid and so inane, but at the same time, it's like, wow, you know, the whole culture of the Internet is almost as if we're trying to kill time rather than use time. It's like, Okay, let me watch someone's trip. Like literally, that used to be the thing that you would avoid in every medium, Like someone's like, oh, can I show you a slideshow of my chip? You like,

Oh I'm so glad to hear that.

Where we were just talking about something. Oh, Oregon. So I was on Coastal. I was in Coastal, Oregon. We did mushroom foraging, which I absolutely loved. I had to throw all those thoughts behind me of hey, this is gonna be a poison one even though these people know the lamb and maybe they don't know this day and this moment, this mushroom. But we found so many mushrooms. It was so fun. I loved the rain and I loved the gray skuys. I climbed up this huge sand

What is it?

Seattle?

Yeah, Portland, Partland.

You don't know either. This is a huge relief, huge weight off my shoulders. But anyway, it's so close to LA and it's so different. I did, of course, after my trips, start researching bears in Oregon and realize there are bears there, Yeah, black bear, there are, as you may know, as a listener to the pot, I have in a long standing obsession with bear attacks and oh

Yeah, is it worth it?

Well, I've been camping in both Oregon and California, never a baron organ, but had a bear encounter in California. Yeah, I think you're safe and organ.

Wait, hold on, you're not going to tell me what the bear encounter was. What podcast is this?

There was a grizzly in big bear rummaging through food and soda at the campsite.

Next to us.

What soda was it drawn to PEPSI? Yeah, well, well I hate pepsis. So that bear got a on the old food test right, yeah. I mean this is the thing about camping that's daunting. I mean tying your food up for bears. I just don't know how to do it. And also can't they climb trees? Yeah, it's like you have to tie it way out on a branch where it's like swinging and they can't get to it. Why couldn't they pull the rope up with their big old claws?

Mm hmm, right, yeah, there's no way around it.

You kind of have the tone of like a nurse talking to a patient, right, yeah, yeah, miss Baretti, I can see how you could feel that way about a bear. Here's your medicine.

I just like to be engaging in conversations so people.

Know I'm listening.

I know, same. You seem like a real sweetheart, But I gotta go all right, three to one collar, three to one collar. How many hours have I been here? Actually, let's see one hour. It felt like at least five. This has been all female callers, which is actually amazing. I don't know if people remember, but there were times where I would get all male callers and I'd be like, females call in, listen, you know, doesn't matter. Maybe not,

Hello? Hi?

Is this live?

I mean it depends what you define live as we are talking live.

Wow. Oh my god.

But it's pre recorded, so if you're into doing any shenanigans, it shall not be airing.

Oh my god, it just picked up so fast. That was shot.

Oh I'm very excited.

I could pick up a phone so fast. All I do is boom. My finger's like boom, hits the button, and then here we are talking.

Whoa.

I'm just want to say I love the podcast and so glad it is back.

Thank you, so glad, thank you?

Or ecstatic we listen all the time, thank you? Or did before the pause?

I guess the hiatus, the extended hiatus, the moratorium that turned into a pause and a reboot. Hello to you, Hello to your wife. I'm One of the hot topics on the food test today is cake pops. If you and your wife want a way in, let me know and I'll tell me cake pops. Are they good or are they bad?

Uh?

My wife is saying their ass that's correct?

Whoa your wife is?

Right.

I got so excited to hear her in the background saying the correct answer that I forgot to let you have the opportunity to fail, because I think you were about to say they were good.

I was about to say something.

Like that, Yeah, there you go. That's just for you. I don't want to leave you out. Here's how I feel in my soul when I think about cake pops. Here's how like a crowd if they saw me eating a cake pop would respond shock. I don't want to harp on cake pops because this episode has largely been about saliva cake pops, and it's really it almost but I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast, for returning to the podcast. This is a real appreciation episode,

Hell, yeah, we'll be listening.

Great, Well, I really do appreciate that. Is there anything else that we should talk about? I'm trying to Oh, do you do you like tucked sheets on your feet?

No?

No, they gotta be great.

Great. I had a feeling I knew you you guys. You're not supposed to say you guys anymore. And by not supposed to say, I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm saying I'm literally trying not to say you guys. I try not to even call my son my son. I go, you're my child. I love you, my child. In case he feels he identifies some other way. I don't want him to feel he's sacrificing an identity that's important to me, which is some gender based identity. All that matters is

It's a bad habit that's ingrained in me now. Probably shouldn't do it, but I do it. Oh minute, No matter if they're guys, are goals.

Even like I try not to say ladies and gentlemen anymore. And the problem is it's such a funny, old timey thing to say that, you know, I get torn about it. I get torn. But you know, I'm of a generation that's in absolute struggle, you know, and this.

Is what what?

What?

Growing feels like? Fucking shut up? That's my internal monologue to myself. Okay, so your name is coming up as a really interesting name.

What is it?

What about?

Yeah?

What is it?

Black? Oh? It's Blake, Well it says Blak. I was like, now, is that a Yugoslavian name? I don't know what is Yugoslavia even exist anymore. I was just talking to someone about the creation of Yugoslavia as I'm trying to understand the entire history of the world right now. Anyhow, So your name is Blake, great name. Solid. What was your favorite part of the podcast? Let me pull out my pen. I'm gonna take some notes and so I can try to incorporated and I'm doing ASMR at the same exact time.

Okay, tell me, Okay, the favorite one was the coffee cranket in my sist we I think we found like.

In hold on, I'm just gonna write that down. Okay.

We found an MP three of it, I think somewhere online and actually said it as my morning alarm clock ringer, and it drove my wife enough. And then the second thing I want to mention is something that didn't happen but I wish it did, is apparently you wanted someone to call in and feed a horse a carrot, and that never happened.

I know, what the fuck? Although you know what's so spiritually aligned with this moment is that this morning I fed my dog a carrot.

He loved it.

He's a relatively recent pet and he loved this carrot and he was crunching on it. So I could probably record that audio. And but horses, they really do have a special chew that probably blows my dog's chew out of the water, to be honest, because their teeth are so big and their jaws are so powerful.

But I'm gon write that.

Yeah, so I'm writing that down. Okay, So this song Cafe drink And do you think she would like this one for an alarm more or is that the one she hated that is a good alarm?

Yeah, the first thing in the morning.

So your wife hates me? What else?

Uh?

We are located in Jersey Shore, Pennsylvania. If that's anything I was looking for.

I was looking for a boo button, but I only have applause.

We have we have all pacas, and we wanted to do some call in and have them chill on something. But they don't need carrots.

Who pacas?

We have both of them.

Oh, they don't eat carrots. What do they eat? And do they spit in your face? I'm always scared near Lama's no braly.

Lama spit in your face.

These guys just shoot in.

The air, spit for some reason.

But then that lands downwards, right, I mean it's not just staying up there.

Yes, I imagine a lands somewhere.

Yeah, so therefore the danger is still present.

Yeah, yeah, I guess. So yeah, there's this area splash, I guess.

So what do they eat?

Hey?

They eat? Yeah, hey in the winter, grass when it's available, not in the winter.

Okay, and that's that's about it.

But yeah, no carrots, because we were for a while we want to call in with it, but they won't do it.

If they eat a carrot, they drop dead right on the spot.

Yeah, either instantly or or drawn out.

Yeah.

Yeah, A long prolonged death. But it's worth it for a podcast highlight, right, all right, well, I really it is a great reminder. I'm just making my final notes about your feedback and then I'm going to file that away and I heard it, and we'll get on that. We're gonna that's a great segment idea. I have a lot of field pieces I want to do and just really be like a I'm really trying to kind of conjure that MPR field piece energy, you know. Yeah, yeah,

Uh, I don't know.

I guess if it's under but if it's like still kind of like sagging and they could still pull in it, Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

Listen, I'm not an engineer, and there's a reason for a man. Yeah, all right, I gotta go. I. Oh wait, why am I saying that? You seem like a real sweetheart, But I gotta go. Wait wait wait, Aunt of time. Goodbye, yeah, okay, now bye, mish?

Is this really you?

Can you believe it? I can't hear anything. Oh now I can hear something you said?

Fuck yep, well back baby, technical difficulties be damn.

It feels good. Feels good. Yeah, yeah, welcome. I'm gonna say you're probably like most likely the final caller, or, as we call it here at the show, the nail in the coffin. So welcome, welcome. This is gonna be the first official podcast back, although we've banked forty episodes that will then seem out of date and disjointed.

Nice.

I like your color you posted, thank you.

It's one of my favorite colors. I did post a blob of paint to post the phone number of the podcast today, and it's a purplish pink, like a neon lavender, one of my favorite colors. Yet whenever I try to fit it into my life, there's no room for it. It doesn't fit.

I just sorry, are like that color?

Really?

Yeah?

Tag me? Let me see those boots. I mean, here's the thing. I wanted it in my house. Basically, no one likes the color. I feel like I wanted purply lavender in my house. I wanted it. I want it, and I want to dress that color. If any aspiring designers are listening, you want to send me a miss fitted like an ill fitting lavender dress, I'll wear it. And I also wanted it, like in even my logo for the podcast, and like every time I try to put it somewhere, that color doesn't ever fit into my life,

You always want what is not available to you?

Yeah?

Sure, just reach Oh it's a really good call. This is one of the best calls I've ever had.

Saying something.

It's weird when the button is just my voice, because then you go, is that it's disorienting? A lot of stuff is, And that's kind of the point to get you out of your out of the rut of normalcy that you're in, right and shake things up. Go hey, is that a pre recorded or live?

Yeah?

Yeah, you know, I'm realizing I'm not a very interesting I have nothing to say, so I apologize. You're gonna hang up on me, now, don't usually hang up oh thank god.

Oh, that's actually a great way to end people just hello, Hello Crisp. Or is it Crisp, like how the Brits call potato chips Chris.

It could be it could be Crisp. I love Crisp.

That would be funny though. When you introduce yourself to people you're like, Hi, I'm Chris Jackson or whatever your name is in you know, Crisp Jackson. No, I'm Crisp Jackson. They're like, oh, I'm so sorry, And it'd actually be just such a hard name to call someone. You're like, oh, Crisp, are you coming to the party? Crisp, Like it's very hard to say. Actually, yeah, agreed, So sorry about that.

No, I knock that I got through.

It's crazy. Let's see what this button is. It's called wind chimes.

Hi, Chris.

New sound effects?

Yeah, listen to this one. That's my dad just kidding. It's a bear because of my obsession with bear attacks.

Oh my god, wait, do you have other like animal attacks sound effects?

Listen, you're really putting my new producer Laura on the spot other animal attacks. Let's see, I'm scrolling through, I'm scrollingop doop doop doop doop doop doop boop. And the answer is, oh, actually, I take it back. You ever you ever been attacked by a swarm of crickets? Crisp nobody.

I haven't, but I did have a silverfish in my house today which made me think of you.

Yeah.

I just I gotta say that that Silverfish episode was one of my favorite episodes.

I mean, I have to actually have to find that episode and listen to it as I compile the best of episodes that I'm going to release. I know the Silverfish one seems to come up a lot. And I'll tell you what I might guess, take a little guess, and I think that I'm screaming almost constantly in that episode. So maybe, ah, is this your favorite episode? Now?

Oh?

Yeah, that was a good episode, and the one with you and Nick Kroll being Farley. Okay, let me write this was one of my favorites too.

Let me write this down. Okay.

I actually just restarted Come Solve, going through your old podcast and listening again on my drive to work because it's like a thirty minute commute and they bring me so much joy before having to go deal with people.

I hate to tell you that they've all been taken down from the Internet.

I actually found them on a different website and was listening to them on that one.

What is it?

Seemed to be associated with you?

What is it?

Hold on?

Let me do like Burners zip Drive Burners zip Drive podcast. You're like, I'm pretty sure it's affiliated with you. All right, So Chris, I'm getting off track, Honnie. What do you think of cake pops? Are they good or bad?

You know they're They're not my favorite form of cakes. I think there's better cake.

Politically said, but accurate, and we get the gist. They're disgusting.

Yeah, I would just rather have like a good cake.

Of course.

Of course you're not an idiot, right who wants to eat a dense, overly moist tiny mush of cake surrounded by like an inch thick waxy buttery, way too thick orb of disgusting frosting. Why don't you just go go outside and smack yourself in the face. And that's that's exactly I want to be. I want some mouth feel in this cake experience. I'm not trying to just how many bites do you how many bites do you eat

Control, and the cake frosting ratio.

Is so wrong, exactly, so important exactly. I like how you say important. Where are you from?

I am from Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Let me write this down, Crisp. I dotted Crisp twice. Hold on, this is me dotting the iron Crisp. I put that many dots on your eye because I like you. And then you're from Mini. Okay, I dotted Minneapolis. There's an eye in Mini, right, like am I?

And I yeah, yeah, am I? And and oh my god, now I can't even my own city.

It's MANI like little cute Apolis.

Have you been to Minneapolis Chelsea?

Honestly, I don't. That's one of those ones that's in the Bermuda's triangle of my geography knowledge. I'm like, have I been to Minneapolis? What's like a is that? I was gonna say, what's a big city there? But is that the big city?

Yeah, that's the biggest city in Minnesota. But we have like the twin cities of Minneapolis and Paul.

Saint Paul and Minneapolis. No, I don't think I have been there.

You should come, but not in the winter.

I'm gonna be honest. I accident triggered Huh, we have so many I do love lakes.

Now do you have something like thirty in the city.

Oh no, that's Wisconsin. Have you ever been to Wisconsin?

Yeah, it's very close.

Guy.

Okay, that's what I was wondering, but I didn't want to ask in case I was wrong. You know, I missed a lot of elementary school because I was doing theater with this, like I want to say, main stage productions in San Francisco Adult Theater Company, the American Conservatory Theater. I was Sally Cratchet, which my friend Natasha la Jarro was telling me doesn't exist in a Christmas Carol. I'm like, I was Sally Cratchett. She like went back, She went

There is a proximity. It's about a forty five minute drive to Wisconsin, and a lot of people who want to buy liquor on Sundays will drive to Wisconsin because the liquor star really earlier.

It's godless. Wisconsin is godless. In Minneapolis is particularly religious. Okay, I'm starting to learn my geography now. I will say there was a time where I was obsessed with Wisconsin. I want to say I hate to keep moving off of Minneapolis and pushing on over to Wisconsin. But it looked really lush green. Yeah, crisp, what are you doing right now? Are you do you have a bunch of little wooden drawers? Are you putting marbles into an egg carton?

You're hearing my rocking chair? I have well, do rock.

Honestly?

Live? No, it's not live, but you're on a broadcast. Honey, don't rock? Do I have to really beg you not to rock in your rocking chair during this? Could you take I guess you. Could you take a little rocking break during our chat? Or you just that relaxed that.

You just got it? I am that relaxed. God, a rainy day here. I have to work on a production tomorrow, so I am just chilling before a long day.

Rain.

I heard rainy day.

You did hear rainy day and lightning and thunder?

Is Wisconsin lush? I felt like you didn't really answer me on.

That Wisconsin is a lush green maybe not paradise, but a very okay if there are others you'd like before it is?

Now you're from Minneapolis, right is Minneapolis lush?

It is absolutely lush. It is a beautiful, beautiful lake city with lots of green spacefl amazing bikes, the Kalai and Paska you're into.

I set you up and then I knocked you down. It's like bowling Chris. Okay, I really think I do have to end this podcast. Let me see, Uh did I already ask you if you tuck your sheets on your feet or if you like to kick them free?

You didn't ask me that, and I like to kick them free.

All right. I knew it. I honestly knew that you would come through on that. I'm like, there's no fucking way this guy tucks his toes down in his sheets. You know who does that? A psychopath who wants your feet pointed like you're doing ballet when you're going at it creates too much tension in your toes. It's like, am I in toe shoes? Or could I fucking go to bed right now? I don't understand who wants themselves in a little foot straight jacket to go to bed?

I have one of those and I never use it because of that exactly. Eison.

See, I was curious because so many people love weighted blankets. I'm like, would I love it? I do need help, I do need comfort, I do need stability. I do need someone to hold me. That's not a person, but my fear was it's gonna feel like hotel sheets where they're tucked in and I'm uh, I can't roll over. Ooh, I can't move Ah, help me, help, trying to yell for you because you like yelling.

Okay, absolutely have to go. I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry.

That's okay. It was great chatting with you today, Chelsea. I am just making my day, is making my week, making my years.

Oh my god, I'm so paying for the podcast. Being got