Brett Johnson [00:00:01]:
This is Business Inspires, the podcast of the Tri Village Chamber Partnership. To run a successful business, you need resources, valuable connections and community recognition. Business Inspires will provide you with the tools, resources and examples to inspire you to create the business you're envisioning. This episode is brought to you by the Tri Village Chamber Partnership. Our innovative and active chamber is because of our smart and engaged members who cultivate our strong business community. With more than 60 years as an integral part of the Grandview, Upper Arlington and Marble Cliff communities, the Tri Village Chamber Partnership is dedicated to a single purpose, the success of the business community and Grandview Heights. Grandview Heights seamlessly combines timeless charm with a modern vision. Immerse yourself in the captivating blend of tradition and innovation that define finds them.
Brett Johnson [00:01:07]:
Welcome to Business Inspires where our goal is to inspire you to create the business you envision. I'm Brett Johnson, Tri Village Chamber Partnership Board Member and the owner of Circle 270 Media Podcast Consultants. Thank you for following and subscribing to the podcast. With me is Katie Ellis, President and CEO of the Tri Village Chamber Partnership and co host of the podcast. It's great to be here with you Katie.
Katie Ellis [00:01:28]:
It's great to be back as always, Brett. And today we have such a special guest, Sarah Moore. She is a women' with over 14 years of experience. She helps balancing ambition with well being amongst so much more. She's the creator of Pump Up Sessions which she will be doing for us at the Be youe best self conference August 28th. And that pump up session, we'll ask you more about this. Sarah soon is a high energy mini retreat. She's also the author of Full of Finding the Audacity to Love who you are.
Katie Ellis [00:02:02]:
Sarah, thank you so much for joining us today.
Sarah Moore [00:02:05]:
Thank you. What a treat.
Katie Ellis [00:02:08]:
So your work is all about guiding people back to themselves. What first inspired you to do this as an offering?
Sarah Moore [00:02:17]:
I really believe it found me. My early career I did a whole number of things, most of which were born out of passion or interest. So I had this dream of being a travel writer and I managed to get my way into being an editor at a local newspaper and I was writing stories about entrepreneurs and their businesses and loved it. And then I decided, oh, I think I want to open a bra store because I could never find a bra that fit. And I was shocked. Being European in America, the land where you can get anything and everything, I really thought there was a niche in the market and so I was busy trying to get funding and putting a plan together and long story Short, I ended up joining a company that had the very idea and concept I had in mind and learning the business. And what I didn't know when I joined that company was that I was actually in the business of changing women's lives. I was just focused on bras product.
Sarah Moore [00:03:25]:
There's a niche in the market. Let's go. And very quickly, my spirit started to get transformed with what happened in those dressing rooms. It was really my first foray into coaching, even though I wasn't a trained coach and it was an all female business. And I also quickly realized I do not want to own a brick and mortar store because this thing never closes. And so I knew that bras and lingerie wasn't my future. And right at that time, I read an article about a life coach. I was in Houston, Texas at this time.
Sarah Moore [00:04:06]:
The coach was based in Houston. And I went, oh my God, this is the thing I've always wanted to do. I didn't know it existed. I didn't know you could make a living doing it. And I'd never even heard the term life coach. But when I was about 14, at a career night at school, they said, what do you want to do? And I said, I want to get paid to have intimate conversations. But I knew it wasn't a counselor or psychologist. I just didn't know what else it was.
Sarah Moore [00:04:41]:
And so it took me about three years from reading that article to become ready to start that coaching journey officially. And I'm, I'm sure with every fiber of my being it's the thing I'm supposed to be doing. And I didn't even try to find it. I was just busy doing the next right thing. And it appeared in my life and thankfully I was awake enough to recognize that there was something for me in it.
Brett Johnson [00:05:18]:
Yeah, that's what it takes is that that moment to step back and look as an allow it to happen and recognize and recognize that that is the true calling and go for it, you know, believe in it. Believe in it. Yeah. You often talk about soul alignment. For somebody hearing a term phrase for the first time, how would you describe what that means?
Sarah Moore [00:05:41]:
It's a good question. Alignment to me means living in integrity, that your actions reflect your values, that there's a sense of what I'm doing feels honest and true for me. I don't think it necessarily means ease or easy because I think trying to find our way and it is challenging and often so many of us are living out of alignment. So it's an adjustment to try and get into Alignment, I think it also means we're no longer performing our life, but we're living it. And in terms of how alignment feels, I would say when we are aligned, even the hard stuff feels somewhat spacious. And when we're out of alignment, everything tends to feel heavy. Even the things that we want, Treasure, desire. Yeah, that's what I'd say about alignment.
Katie Ellis [00:06:55]:
Could you speak a little bit deeper on the performance versus living?
Sarah Moore [00:07:03]:
Oh my gosh. Big topic. Big topic for me personally too. I. Okay, let me, let me. I'll say some things about it first and then I'll talk more about my personal experience. Performing instead of living often looks like constantly trying to have it all together, meet other people's expectations, do the right thing, have the right answer and appear put together. Even though it feels exhausting.
Sarah Moore [00:07:42]:
I think performing not, I think. I know performing is closely tied with people pleasing. We often define that incorrectly. We think of people pleasing as, or perfectionism as sort of doing everything just right, you know, like crossing our T's, dotting our I's. And really it's about trying to earn the approval of other people, sort of. People pleasing is the most common way that we exhibit perfectionism. And it's exhausting. And it's definitely what it looks like to be off key, to be out of alignment with what you're meant for in your life.
Sarah Moore [00:08:25]:
And it's the thing I've had to learn so much about. Even though I had the courage and the insight to intuitively follow what felt good to me. What I struggled with for about a decade, probably sort of early 20s to early 30s, was on the outside I looked really confident. I'd lived in Spain, I'd lived in Argentina, I'd lived in France. I traveled extensively. I was born in America but raised in England. So I've always had dual citizenship. So when I finished university in England, I packed a bag, I had two bags actually, I had 100 bucks to my name and I booked a one way ticket and made my way.
Sarah Moore [00:09:11]:
All of these things looked ballsy. They were. And what I had to come to terms with, which I didn't even have language for, I just felt confused and crazy was my self esteem on the inside didn't match what I was doing and saying on the outside. That's performing. So then, so then I had to try and compensate for that gap. So I would nod and agree and say yes when you said things that I didn't understand just so I could look good, fit in right, try and belong. Because I didn't know how to belong to myself. I would laugh when I.
Sarah Moore [00:09:54]:
When something wasn't actually funny because who am I to say the thing I would the opposite and righteously make a stand just to be different because I needed that for my self act. And it had the opposite effect of what I wanted which was pushing people away. So it was just this tension and this battle. Learning how to be comfortable in my own skin. I think that's the work I'm doing day with myself makes me an effective coach in part because I'm also walking the journey with them.
Brett Johnson [00:10:37]:
You know, there's so much noise in the world today. How can people start tuning into their inner voice? You just talked about that, all that cacophony that actually made you laugh when you probably why am I laughing at this? Or why am I agreeing with this? It hurts me to even agree with this. How can people, you know start turning into their inner voice with more clarity and confidence?
Sarah Moore [00:11:06]:
Develop in a toolbox with ourselves and medit. Painting, singing, journaling, a whole sort of series. A toolbox of activities that help us quiet our nervous system. Help us come home to ourselves. And that. That doesn't just sound nice, right? It's truly a must have we. What was I going to say? We often prioritize pleasing other people and we often forget that our first job is to please ourselves. It's to center ourselves in our lives and develop that intimate relationship.
Sarah Moore [00:12:09]:
So I would say choose something. One thing that quiets your nervous system, that makes you feel calm and centered. There isn't a lot of noise going on up here, whatever that might be for you. Again, running, breath work, moving your body in some way, putting pen to paper, those types of things. Start to slow down the noise so you can get some clarity about what you're actually thinking and feeling rather than moving through life on autopilot.
Katie Ellis [00:12:42]:
And I think that takes. It's so good to be able to take that time so that your brain stops because if your brain is always going, you can never have that begin that self awareness which I think where. That's where all of that starts. Having the space to be like I'm gonna reflect and think on you know, this whole. This whole day or this whole earlier this week to see have I been acting that way? Because I. I know that that will resonate with so many of us. It certainly does does with me. About the performing versus the living.
Katie Ellis [00:13:22]:
We wanted to talk a little bit about you coming and speaking at the Be youe Best Self conference and doing the pump up session. Can you talk A little bit about what that looks like without giving too much away.
Sarah Moore [00:13:36]:
Oh, my gosh. Yes, I can. So I want people to have an experience. I don't want to just talk about what living your life and being vulnerable sounds like. I want you to experience it in real time. So I was on stage last week. Somebody came up to me afterwards, and they said, your session was so fun, and it was my favorite of the day. And you scared me.
Sarah Moore [00:14:13]:
And I said, yes, I'll take that as a compliment. Because to feel some fear, to feel some uneasiness, that's what we're all trying to learn how to do and be better at, is how do we tolerate our uncertainty so that we don't act out in ways that are inconsistent with who we want to be. So we don't scroll for longer than we actually want to. So we start over, buying, overeating, fill in the blank of over something, and actually can sit with the feelings and the thoughts that we have. So there's music, there's exercises in small groups. It's vulnerable, it's intimate, it's a load of fun. And the compliment, the piece of feedback that people share the most often is I feel energized walking away. I feel more alive, more in touch with who I am.
Sarah Moore [00:15:18]:
And I think the cool part about the session is the way that it's structured. You realize you're not alone, you know, when we're struggling. I'll be the first to say this, that when I'm struggling, I forget others are struggling too. I know logically, but emotionally, I'm in it, right? And so I think I'm alone. And this. You get to hear from other people what their fears, their desires are, and you go, oh, my God, me too. And it starts to normalize your own experience. So we're not necessarily fixing anything.
Sarah Moore [00:15:52]:
It's not a whole bunch of life advice. It's just walking this path together of honesty and reaping the rewards of doing it in community with one another.
Katie Ellis [00:16:04]:
I'm so excited.
Brett Johnson [00:16:06]:
Exactly. Yeah, exactly. You gave some examples of the toolbox of, you know, how to kind of get yourself out of the mode of, you know, not helping yourself, but just helping others in essence, basically, you know, focus on yourself. But, you know, when things feel overwhelming or out of sync for you, what do you do to realign?
Sarah Moore [00:16:28]:
Oh, this is. So this is a newer practice for me. I've. I talk about feelings all of the time. Right. We're emotional beings. We're supposed to inhabit the full emotional range that we have. Everything from joy and freedom and love to irritation and impatience to anger, rage, helplessness, fear, and so many others in between.
Sarah Moore [00:16:53]:
And oftentimes, we're trying to push away the feelings that we don't feel comfortable with. So I'm supporting my clients in being able to just start naming the emotion, because when you can name the emotion, you actually take your power back. It doesn't give the emotion more power. It gives you more power over the narrative and the experience. And so one thing I'm doing is I am actively sitting with the feelings that are coming up. So let's say my husband says something, and it sends me into a rage. Okay, this is absolutely true and can absolutely happen. And it's not just what he said in that moment.
Sarah Moore [00:17:41]:
It's what's been building that I haven't attended to. And so I feel rage. For most of us, we don't even have the capability in that moment of understanding what that feeling is. We just start acting out, yelling, who knows what. And so I am sitting with, okay, I feel rage, I feel fear, I feel sadness. Because it's rarely, if ever, one singular emotion. It's a whole bunch. And it takes about 12 minutes for a feeling to dissipate if we'll just sit with it.
Sarah Moore [00:18:17]:
So what I've discovered, inadvertently, this also found me, is that I live in an area of Columbus that's Clintonville, if you're not local. And the one block in from my house and around takes me 12 minutes to walk around. Okay? And I just happened on this information because I looked at the stove before I left one day and looked at the stove right when I walked in, when I came back. And as I'm walking, I'm calling it my feelings walk. And I'm saying, this is what I'm feeling. I'm naming all of the feelings, then I'm giving context to the feelings. Okay, what caused that? What is this bringing up? For me, it's never about my husband. It's about something that it triggers within me and acknowledging what he's done or said, if that's the case.
Sarah Moore [00:19:09]:
And then literally, that's it. Just letting that rage, that sadness, that disappointment, sometimes even love and joy, not just the. The hard stuff, you know, joy is actually the most vulnerable emotion that we feel. That's why when something good is happening, we often imagine something bad happening because we can't withstand the vulnerability of the joy. So I want to be clear about that, too. Whatever the emotion is, I just try and let it sit, let it have its way in. My body notice what I'm feeling. And I will tell you, I've been doing this for several months now.
Sarah Moore [00:19:50]:
Nine and a half times out of ten, by the time I get back to my house, I feel fine. I didn't fix it. I didn't make a list of all of the things I now need to do. I just felt all that the emotion had to show me. And I've got really clear that I think this is what God's will is. Living in God's will, the universe's will in the will of something bigger than ourselves because we aren't the only ones in control. Is actually feeling my emotional, my emotions fully and giving myself space to be the emotional being that I am. Oh boy.
Sarah Moore [00:20:33]:
I feel powerful about that.
Brett Johnson [00:20:35]:
Yeah, great. It's great.
Katie Ellis [00:20:38]:
You could coin that a feelings walk. Set your clocks for 12 minutes or your alarm for 12 minutes. I love how kismet that is that Your clock is 12 minutes. And I didn't know that that is how long it took to dissipate. Which sometimes if it's a painful feeling, right, 12 minutes is gonna feel not so fun to set your clock to. But it's also a relief to be able to remind yourself that like this too shall pass. Like it will, it will dissipate if someone doesn't have 12 minutes to like really kind of process and feel. Is there any other tips or tricks that you could recommend as like a first little step?
Sarah Moore [00:21:31]:
Oh, three things pop to mind immediately. Breathe.
Katie Ellis [00:21:36]:
God.
Sarah Moore [00:21:36]:
It's the difference between life and death. You know, our emotions live in our body. They don't live in our head. They literally live in our cells. So one of the best ways to move our emotions around to change our state is to move our body. And breath is a fantastic transporter of being able to shift things. Just start breathing. Some deep breaths might not.
Sarah Moore [00:22:03]:
It's not going to fix everything but it, it can start to shift, shift something and also get you out of your head. Where we spend way too much time. I would say also call somebody you trust. Not someone who's going to co sign everything, but someone you trust who can listen. Because again, we forget that we're born to be in community, that we need each other and sometimes we just need to say a few things and we feel better. But if we keep it all in here, we tend to make mountains out of molehills. You know, sometimes that's my best role as a coach. With all of my training and experience, me being a sounding board and another person just to talk something through.
Sarah Moore [00:22:50]:
With is really powerful. And the third thing I would say is start asking yourself, what do I think? Never mind what they think. Never mind what they need. What what do I think about this? What do I think about how I look in this outfit? What do I think about my stress levels? And the pushback I get to that, which is valid pushback is if I knew what I thought, I wouldn't be stuck or confused or overwhelmed. And I that's where doing some kind of consistent practice to reflect on your own life comes in. Because if you slow down just a little bit and you do it often, there's often enough space for some kernel of truth to emerge. To the question of what do I think? Even if it's I don't know and it's a genuine I don't know, that's a signal. Great.
Sarah Moore [00:23:51]:
Actually don't need to do anything. I can just do the next right thing in front of me and I don't have to worry about this because something is going to get revealed. So breathing talk to someone, start asking yourself, what do I think?
Brett Johnson [00:24:07]:
Good. Good. Well, you're going to be at the be your best self as a fantastic speaker. Oh my gosh, I'm, I'm so excited. I'm glad we had this conversation and I know listeners are going to be they need to be buying tickets, a table, bring your friends, buy a table of, you know, whatever it might be. But Katie, maybe a little bit more information. I'll be your best self. We'll leave that to you and then we'll end the podcast.
Katie Ellis [00:24:32]:
Yeah, yeah. Just so grateful to be able to have this conversation with you. Sarah, thank you so much for your time and we're so thrilled blissed out to be able to have you as a keynote. One of the things that we have a lot of intentionality in doing these conferences is to have it interactive and to have it up building, encouraging and inspiring and you hit all of those things. So thank you so much. Maybe before we go, how would we get a hold of you if we want to before the conference which is happening August 28th?
Sarah Moore [00:25:10]:
You can follow me on Instagram. That's my main platform at more like my last name.soul.sessions and also on my website moresoulces.com I have a really popular full of herself blog. Loads of stories about how I'm struggling, what I'm learning, what's working with my clients. So it's just a great free resource for people to check out.
Brett Johnson [00:25:35]:
Good. Well listeners, thank you for joining us. And don't forget to check out our podcast page on the Tri Village Chamber of Partnership website. Look for the podcast tab at the top of the homepage and tell us what you think about this or any of our other [email protected] Business Inspires is a production of the Tri Village Chamber Partnership and Circle 270 Media Podcast Consultants.