David: Hello. Tri Village Chamber Partnership. This is David Polakowski, your president and CEO. And I am honored to have Lillian Zarzar with the Zarzar Group, who is also a professor at OU joining us us this morning. Good morning, Lillian
Lillian: Good morning. Thank you.
David: How are you?
Lillian: I'm doing great.
David: So, first and foremost, I cannot thank you enough for filling my gap, um, to being our closing keynote speaker, um, and Be Your Best Self.
Lillian: It is my honor, and I am so grateful that you thought of me. This is in my wheelhouse. It's something I love, and it's something that I think everybody should answer the question about being who are you?
David: Yes, we're going to get there.
Lillian: Okay.
David: But I want people to learn more about who you are sure. What you do. So tell us about you. How did you get to where you are today?
Lillian: It's been quite a journey. But I will say this, that I've been very blessed and I've been cursed by many of the opportunities that I've been given. And so by looking at both sides of my evolution, I can safely say that I'll tell you my background. I think that's the best way in a brief nugget. I was born in Lima, Peruvu, and my parents had fled Palestine at the time. And then we lived in Lima till I was five. And then we came to the United States via boat through the Panama Canal. And, uh, we then took a train from New York to Lima, Ohio. And the reason that we did this is my dad had been corresponding with someone who was his classmate at the American University of Beirut. And the classmate said, oh, there's this nice little city in the middle of Ohio, and it's the sister city to Lima. Why don't you come here and open a practice? So that's what we did. And dad practiced medicine there as a surgeon until he passed in. So we've been here forever, so to speak. So that started my journey. I went as an undergraduate. I graduated from Shawnee High School. And then I went to OU, studied journalism and radio, television news reporting. I then went to the United Nations, and I worked as a bilingual tour guide. And I gave tours in English and Spanish from the UN. I came back to Ohio and I worked in radio at a local station as the marketing director, did on air work and all kinds of fun things that I enjoy doing, writing copy and so on, as my journalism background says. And then I was a little bit you get this quickening inside of your heart, and you say, okay, what's more? What's next? Oh, a master's degree. Okay. So I began work at the, uh, Ohio State University at Lima as an admissions officer. And then I started taking courses at Bowling Green. So I finished my Masters in Speech Communication at, uh, Bowling Green. And as I was continuing my work at Ohio state. I was promoting the set to Columbus, and that's how I ended up here in 1985. So I worked in Columbus at the Ohio state university until 1992, and I decided I had to spread my wings. So I finished my work at ohio state. They still bring me back to do certain training, shall we say, through the fisher college of business and the John glenn college. Nonetheless, I then launched my business and decided to become a professional speaker. And for 16 years I worked with skill path seminars, fred pryor seminars that became known as career track. So I traveled around the world for 16 years. I've spoken on all five continents, I've spoken on emptying countries, every english speaking country, and I love it. I love it. And then again, the heart stirred, and I said, time to stay home. It wasn't fun anymore. And when traveling wasn't fun anymore, and even today, it may not be as fun, but I will travel for fun, and not for work as much. So I launched my business as a professional speaker, and I wanted to gain the highest earned designation. Education is one of my highest values, David. So I said, if it is such a high value and I want to continue learning, I started a PhD in Aristotelian ethics, if you will. I don't know what got into my head, but I thought aristotle would be an interesting person to investigate and look at the ethics of aristotle. And then I decided he was not very nice to women and didn't think much of women. And I thought, no, this isn't the way to go. So I said, well, let's see if I can be the CSP, the certified speaking professional designation, which takes five years to earn number one. And it is the highest earned designation conferred by the global federation of international speakers. And all over the world, there may be 12% of us who have this designation. So I wanted it, and I looked at it, and I finally finished it. And there is a list of what you have to complete in terms of publications, presentations, money earned, the type of work you do, where you've done it, the testimonials from clients, 100 clients, the whole thing. So finished the CSP. So then I said, all right, what's next? Heart stirs again. And because I love education, I wanted to work at the lancaster campus. I happened to mention this with a group of women. One of the women there happened to know the actual person, uh, who is in charge of that division at ohio view in lancaster, and she is the department chair. And I heard from them three weeks later after submitting my resume. And I started teaching twelve years ago, and there I am. And I still run my business. I'm doing more coaching than speaking, but, uh, I do a combination of both. And I think one has to be able to know what one's talents are and then use them to the fullest. So I work on what's really in my wheelhouse and I focus on developing my strengths, and then I just manage any weaknesses I have.
David: Well, that's a lot. In that short time that you, uh, explained who you are, every time we talk, I become more and more amazed in, um, honor to call you a colleague and a friend because certain relationships go to a certain point and there's just a presence about you.
Lillian: Thank you.
David: So when you look at be your best self, we're just going to get right into it.
Lillian: Mhm.
David: What do you feel is your best self?
Lillian: I saved to tell you something because I knew you were going to ask this question. And I saved to tell you my other certification, or shall I say training. And that is in. I met Dr. John F. D. Martini, who is an, uh, international human development expert and works on the human potential. I was completely awestruck by the work and decided I wanted it to be part of my coaching. So I studied under him and continued to do so. As a matter of fact, I just signed up for another program this morning because I think you can always continue to learn and the work is based upon who are you and who are you being at any given time. And when we wake up in the morning, most of us say, well, what do I have to do today instead of who am I going to be today? And there is a love list of form that Dr. Martinez developed, which I adore, and I use it and I change it often because there are many things that transpire in your life that cause you to move in other directions. It's called the love list. The love of what you would love to be, do, and have in all seven areas of your life. So I filled it in every time I took his courses. And I came to realize that whoever it is I am, i, um, must embrace fully and be okay with who I am. Most people embrace half of them selves instead of the whole of themselves. And what I mean by that is, if I had a glass here in front of you and it was half full of, uh, let's say water, I ask audiences, is the glass half full or half empty? And it sounds trite, but it's really very profound because most people will either say it's half full or half empty. And then there will always be those engineers who say, well, there's air and water and there's so much percentage and so on. In actuality, it can't be half full unless it's half empty. And both sides must be present for one of them to be observed. Which means in the hidden order of the universe, in the hidden order of ourselves, we repress the parts we don't like and we express the parts we like. And what happens is the more we repress one side, the more we express the other, the more polarized we become. But if we stay centered and focused on who we are and embrace both sides of ourselves, then there's no need to repress or express. We simply are being. So what does it mean to be? It means to honor yourself with the talents and the skills you have learned along the way and the innate wisdom that you have as a person.
David: Wow. Again, amazing. And I hope people are feeling your presence in truly listening to your words, because I think you just bring so much to the Try Village area and beyond. I always say Try Village and beyond, but what do you find are your challenges? Because like you said, your presence, you're very positive. But what are your challenges that you face?
Lillian: Okay, I am positive. I'm also negative. And that means that I tend to procrastinate on things. Um I don't enjoy doing that is the biggest thing I carry around with me. I procrastinate. I put things off. I think I'll get to that later. I'll do that later. It'll come to me later.
David: Wait, is that an education thing? Because I know a lot of educators in my life that are procrastinators. I'll get it.
Lillian: Well, I'll tell um, you why. I think part of it is because we have so much knowledge and a knowledge base that we are expressive in all of those areas, and we want to be able to synthesize the information accurately so that when we express, we're right on point. And I know that's with my students, if I tend to ramble too much, I lose them. So I've got to be very clear and direct, and that's very important. So you have to take the information, synthesize it without diluting it and making sure it's accurate.
David: We call it fluff. You got to take the fluff out.
Lillian: Excellent. Well said, mhm. Well said.
David: Your challenges, that's the biggest challenge to.
Lillian: Procrastinate, and that affects everything else. It affects your whole life. So if you can understand that you're a procrastinator and that you do put things off, then what I ask myself is, what would happen if you actually did this on time? What would happen if you made time to create this opportunity and then not procrastinate? But there's something comforting about procrastination, and I'll tell you what it is. The positive aspect of that is it gives you time to think and process and evaluate so that you can be the best that you can be. If I do it too quickly, then I end up saying, now I have to do this over. Whereas if I take the time to think, then it's going to make a big difference. And let's face it, I'm not a surfer in the sense that I don't surf conversations. I go deep quickly, and my clients understand that if they're willing to face themselves and look at themselves and say, yes, you're right. I do this because I ask my own clients this where is it that you would love to grow? Where is it that you would love to be? Who is it you want to be? And are you being this person? And if you're not being this person, who are you being? And I love Shakespeare, and I think the one thing Shakespeare said, which I believe is the most important question anyone can ask, and it doesn't matter who you are, where you are, what you do. The question is to be or not to be. To be or not to be. To be the best parent or not to be. To be the non procrastinator or not to be. And that's who I am. So who are you? And I do have an exercise I do with my clients, and I sit across from them and I ask, who are you? And they'll tell me, oh, my name is such and such and who are you? And I keep asking, who are you? Until they dig deep enough that tears flow and they believe that they are magnificent individuals that were blessed to be in this world and cursed because we have both sides and to accept who they are fully because they are who they are. I can ask you that now. So who are you? But we won't go there. This is not a coaching session.
David: I thought about that when you said that. Who am I? Do people go to who am I personally? Who am I professionally? And I think that's one of the things about be Your Best Self is trying to find out truly who you are.
Lillian: Yes. And really one of the things I truly believe in is that we are a composite of everything and we're not fragmented. And too much in this world we create fragmentation. Part of it is because as humans, we have to compartmentalize, so we understand things better. In actuality, the world is seamless, the universe is seamless, and we're all connected to each other in some form in some way, energetically. If we understand that energy field and that we're connected to everyone and that everything is purposeful, then we begin to realize our own magnificence within the universal structure. And I think part of the problem that people have is they fragment themselves and then they try to figure out how to put themselves back together. So it's not about having a professional life and a personal life. You're a whole person and you operate within those dimensions. The other thing is that people have asked me to speak on work life balance. Work is part of life, period. That's all I have to say. It's always in balance. The universe is always in balance. We are off our game. We are off center because we're fragmented.
David: Well, and it's funny because I always joke I'm a Libra and I'm a.
Lillian: True Libra, and you are balanced. There you go. Innately.
David: But when I'm off balanced, I'm off balanced. Uh, I'm either balanced or off.
Lillian: Well, we all oscillate. We all oscillate in some form, energetically. And we oscillate many times because we expect things to be a certain way, and they're not. So when a client comes to me and says, I'm having a difficult time with X, Y, or Z, we look at it and say, well, what are the benefits that this happened to you? And what are the drawbacks? We balance that out so that we're not oscillating out of emotion, and we're simply recognizing the wisdom of what the event is.
David: Right. And like, when you came in, you were rushing, and I sensed it, and.
Lillian: I'm like, yes, because I was in a hurry, because I thought I'm late. I didn't want to hold you up. And then you said, deep breath, deep breath. And I just centered myself immediately, and I was fine.
David: As we age mhm. I think we realized one of the biggest challenges I had to do is take a step back and make sure I listen and let people finish and really grasp what they're looking for and what their focus is on.
Lillian: Uh.
David: And that's why when I look and do outreach for the chamber or any of my past history. It's always been. Let me come and explain who we are and what we do. I go in with no expectations, and I found those no expectations really make the purpose of the work stronger. One of the questions that we have asked to our leadership panel is, what have you had to give up? Uh, what did you give up?
Lillian: Help me understand the question.
David: So during your lifetime, what do you feel are things that you had to give up? Whether, uh, it's personal, professional, in between to help make you successful? And it's interesting because when we asked the original leadership panel, when we first did it, we asked them, what did you have to give up? And that was like, what do you mean personal professional? I said, Whatever you think is the most important point to get across, to help to get where you are today.
Lillian: Well, I'll tell you this. Uh, I don't know that give up is the correct term. I would say give into. And what I did is I gave into the desire to conduct my personal ministry. And so what I put to the side was relationships with an individual. I was engaged a couple of times, actually, and broke them because I knew that I wouldn't be able to carry out what I was destined to do.
David: Wow.
Lillian: So I let them go. I said, this is holding me back, and I've got to move on.
David: So then my next question is, do you have any regrets?
Lillian: No, I don't. I knew that this was the right thing to do at the time. Now does that mean I never want to have a significant other? No, but what it does mean is that I'm searching for the person who is enough like me and who is different enough from me to blend and make that a perfect union. And perhaps he's out there, who knows?
David: And that's interesting because I always say we balance each other out. Uh, you have to have that balance. You have different opposites attract.
Lillian: They also repel.
David: Yes.
Lillian: So what has to happen within that type of a nurturing relationship is that you're being who you are, you are being loved for who you are, and you are loving the other person for being who they are.
David: Yes.
Lillian: It's very simple. We complicate things as humans. It's really very simple, isn't it?
David: When you have people in your life that think differently than you, isn't that what I think somewhat gives us balance and challenges us to be successful?
Lillian: That's why we are in relationships, to be challenged. So what happens when, for example, I released those relationships, and I've been in several, including, uh, those twice. But I realized that if I were not being true to myself and being who I'm supposed to be, I would have succumbed and given to those individuals what they wanted, and then I would have been compromising who I am. So I said, no, I'm too important. As a matter of fact, I said to someone once, I said, I love me and I love God, and then you. And he wasn't too happy about that. But that is the way it is in my life. You have to love yourself. In other words, I'm not going to spouse something that's from my own philosophical position, religiously. But there is a saying that love thy, uh, neighbor as thyself. I heard that in a book I read one time called the Bible. And love thy neighbor as thyself. That just means if you love yourself enough, you'll love your neighbor. But you have to love both sides of you, or else you're never going to love anybody else.
David: And that comes with accepting who you are.
Lillian: Exactly. Even more so, it comes with appreciating who you are. Not just accepting, but appreciating and being thankful for all dimensions of yourself.
David: Wow. And I keep saying, well, because a lot of people need to hear that that it's okay to accept who you are. Make mistakes if you see them I see them as benchmarks or speed bumps. That you take a step back and move forward.
Lillian: Oh, I love that. You know, a mistake I tell my audience is a mistake is a take that didn't make it. So you're you do take two. My director used to say, Miss, take two. Well, a mistake is a take that didn't work out. So you take two. Take three. Just stop making the same take and the same mistake.
David: What do you say to someone who like routine? They feel like they keep going. They're doing the same thing over and over and it's just not getting there. How do you get these people to look at different options step outside their comfort zone?
Lillian: Well, the first thing I would say is consider expanding the comfort zone. Because as we evolve, we grow and we expand in our knowledge and then we also grow as an individual in terms of our experiences. But I think people who do the same thing over and over again love their comfort zone and they don't want to expand it because they're more comfortable in it. That's why it's called a comfort zone. But we need the people who love their comfort zone. So it allows us, who are the challengers to come in and say, try this, try that. Look at this from a different perspective. It's hard for people who need safety. That's one of the values that people have safety, security. And to be safe and secure is a high value. Uh, for some people, I'm a bigger risk taker. I'll take a risk. I'll end a relationship and just see what happens after that. I'll go to a country. I traveled all over the world by myself. All over for 16 years, I went by myself. And someone asked me one time, he said, you were all by yourself. Didn't anybody meet you at the airport? I said, no. I just figured it out on my own. And it didn't occur to me that somebody should help me. I just figured I'd use my own resources. And wherever I traveled, I learned a few words in that country's language. I used those words. I took the dictionary with me. They knew I was earnest about wanting to connect with them. And so I always found there was somebody who wanted to be there for me no matter what whether it was the cab driver or as in, um, Budapest. And the gentleman said, Where would you like to go? And I said, take me. This is the place. I showed him the hotel information. I went or when I, uh, was in, um, Thailand. I remember there was so much traffic. And I said, no, why is everybody out? It's a Sunday. He said, well, for us it's just another day. And I thought, oh, that's right. They don't worship on Sunday. What am I thinking? I had to rethink. Where am I? Who am I being? How am I connecting with these folks? And so for me, the exposure to all of these peoples of the world has given me such a humbling feeling that all of us want the same thing. In this world, every single person wants exactly the same thing to be loved for who they are. Period. That is the one thing everybody wants. So when I came to that conclusion, to be or not to be made sense.
David: Well, I keep saying, um, that. Again, we've had conversations.
Lillian: Sure.
David: We have many. This is really in depth. Uh, and I think I wish a lot more people, when they travel outside of the country, would understand that. Because sometimes I see and we travel a lot other mhm Americans go to another country and expect to just have the same resources. You got to adapt.
Lillian: No, you have to adapt. I find that we have, as an American country, or let's call it in North America, the United States. We'll leave Canada out right now. But, uh, in the United States, I think we have an inflated sense of self importance and that we are not who we claim to be in terms of the way we see ourselves in the world and to be, shall we, uh, say, in Wilson's days? Let's focus on us only. Well, yes, I think we must love ourselves as a nation. I wouldn't live anywhere else. I think we have a magnificent opportunity in this country to appreciate all of the resources we do have. My concern is that when we travel, can we humble ourselves so that we can appreciate what other cultures offer? I remember when I was in the Philippines and people kept gathering around to talk to me, and when I was working with the Asian Development Bank, and one of them asked me, he said, do you have a nickname? I said, well, my very close friends call me Lil. And he turned to the whole group and said, okay, she's Lil. And I thought, oh, my gosh. So now I'm lil instead of Professor Zarza or whatever. And they were so open and inviting. And he said to me privately, uh, afterward, his name was Pong. That was his nickname. He said, we all go by nicknames. And for me, he said, we love Americans because you are so open and accepting. And I thought, isn't that interesting that he would notice that about Americans? I think there are we can't judge. There are those who are embracing of other cultures and love other cultures, and then there are those who think we're better than everyone else. And that ethnocentrism doesn't always apply.
David: Yes, I think our lesson is we need to just accept who we are first and then we'll be able to accept others.
Lillian: Well, yes, that's a very basic premise. It's just people don't accept themselves because they always find fault with something about themselves. Because somewhere along the line, even as a child, they were probably told, you're not good at this, you're not good at that. Who told you that? You can't do that? Where did that come from? I never told you this. Where did you pick that up? So we start to doubt ourselves. Any shred of doubt, even, uh, a drop of doubt, is going to steer us off in another direction. Well, if you're a baker out there, those of you who bake, you'll understand this that when you're whipping up those egg whites, if you have one drop of that yolk, it deflates everything. So if you have one drop of doubt about who you are and who you've become and who you are being, then you're never going to be fully accepting or appreciating of who you are. Both sides of who you are. We say that's it in a nutshell, but I had a client one time want to meet with me. She met with me three times, and finally I said, Are you ready to jump in on this? And she said, you know, I just don't want to work that hard. And I don't blame her because doing some self development, not self improvement, we don't need to improve anything. We need to evolve. And so it's an evolutionary process, and so self development and sometimes people think, oh, uh, well, I'm not very good at this, I need to improve. And I think. No. You have your innate wisdom and you have your innate talent. And you develop it. And you then work on the areas that are in your wheelhouse. As I said earlier. And then look at some of the other areas that you're not as good at doing. But then you can manage them or you delegate them to someone else who does them better than you would do them. So there's that concept to consider as well. So all in all, I think to be is one of the most important questions. And if people would answer that question the first thing when they get up in the morning and stretching and doing their, whatever, yoga, breathing, I hope everybody has a practice then I think that by being, you extend that to other people, and others realize that you're accepting them for their being.
David: So as we close out here, what can our attendees expect in your closing to be your best self? What words of wisdom? Uh, not that you haven't given us many words of wisdom right at this time, but what words would you share with them that you will expand on at the Expo?
Lillian: I will ask them the question, who are you? After all of what you've been through during the day? And we're closing, so who are you? What did you discover about yourself? What are you willing to do to embrace yourself fully when you go home? Because this is an isolated area. We are free from the rest of the world, and we've had an incredible day. Who are you going to be once you leave? Are you going to take it upon yourself to tap into your inner wisdom, to your innate understanding of life, and do it with confidence, with a sense of conviction, and with a sense of commitment? The three C's confidence, conviction, commitment. And those are the three ways that they will be able to, shall I say, embrace themselves fully. And I know it's scary, it can be a scary thing to get dig that deep about you. But I believe very strongly that as individuals and humans, we. Are our own best resource. So might as well tap into that brilliance that we are and be grateful for all of the blessings and curses that we've been given.
David: I cannot say thank you enough. This has been incredible, and I cannot wait to hear you fully speak at the Be, our bestseller, Expo Lillian Group. Thank you. And, um, thank you for being part of the Tri Village Chamber.
Lillian: My pleasure.