EP 81 | Lessons Learned in January

I've been writing down what I'm learning. I've been writing down just like moments where I'm observing something, observing something that like had an impact on me and that I left. Like I took a mental note of that was important or significant or taught me something. And as somebody who spends most of my time doing what I'm doing right now, talking to people, there's a lot of outflow, there's a

lot of teaching. I believe it's really important to also have a balance of taking in information because when you're in a position of constantly like just talking and teaching and and giving, there has to be the counter acting of how is that person growing? And this is for you, but this is also for me because I'm fascinated in years from now what I'm going to remember through this podcast as like little moments that just really allowed me to refine and pivot. So this is for us. Let's

just get this thing kicked off. I have five of them that I want to share. So first, when the year kicked off, we were in Paris with this phenomenal woman who was celebrating her 60th birthday. And it was the final night we were going to this show. And everything had just been spectacular up to that point. The dinners were curated with the perfect menu and wine list,

and that was over the top. But it felt like, you know, like an event, like that's what the expectation is, that of course the food is paired and there's flowers and all of that. But on the final night when we went to the show, it like burned into my memory that for the 15 people that were there, this phenomenal woman. Got every couple a bottle of Dom Perignon in her favorite year. And caviar and. I just like it really just dawned on me like you should do

things the right way. That was the right way to do something that is over serving. That is like delighting somebody who is flown across the world in order to celebrate you. But she didn't have to do that. She did not. She could have gotten cheap champagne. She could have had all of us just order cocktails. But the touch of the foresight and the expense, to be honest with you, of going above and beyond, to create an

experience and to do something the right way. If it was me personally, I don't know if many of you guys know this about me. I'm a little cheap with stuff like that. And I hate to say that because nobody likes to be cheap, but I'm just like, more stingy. I, I think of things as like, well, I don't need, like, no one's going to care and I don't need to

spend that. And that's not something that's required. And it was just this moment of like, wait a second, this is surprising and delighting people and doing things the right way, which I loved and is going to trickle into, already has trickled into things that I've done this month where I'm like, instead of doing it like the middle of the roadway, just go all out for it. And that's a way of like living abundantly. So that was the

first thing. Second, just last week when I was in London, there was a panel that I went to and it was hosted by the owner of this business, but the owner of the business had somebody from a magazine interview her. And initially you thought that they were kind of friends. And, you know, there was this like relationship between the two of them. But as the panel went on and again, it was just two of them, so it was a panel of one, but she was being interviewed. And again,

it was her event. As this panel went on, the interviewer kept interrupting the business owner like she would be in the middle of a thought and then kind of like a pushy interviewer. She would just like cut her off and go into the next question. And she did this 4 or 5 times to where it was a little uncomfortable, but the business owner allowed her to do it out of probably professional courtesy, and then she did it a fifth time. And on the fifth time the

business owner stood up. At first she was seated. She stood up in this room and changed the entire dynamic of the energy in the room. Like she just took up space. And she told the interviewer, Let me just finish because you keep interrupting me and then I lose my thought and I'm not finished with what I'm saying. And she proceeded to just own the fricking room. And the interviewer at that point back down just a little bit, still interrupted her a couple of times, which is just

like mind blowing to me. But for me it was this lesson of, wait a second, the interviewer is the one being the ass right now. Like I'm not being an ass by telling you that. I need you to let me speak, even though I'm being a little bit more overtly aggressive. But the interviewer was totally in the wrong and should have been called out. But in that instance, I probably would have been upset and might have even

like introverted. Instead of doing the opposite and expanding and becoming more present and doing what I was there already to do. If it's your event, which it was her event, she should be the one calling the shots. She's running the show instead of allowing somebody else in the environment

to take control. And so for meetings that you're in or conversations that are taking place around you, when somebody is overshadowing you or overwhelming you, instead of your response being, Oh, I'm going to introvert and I'm going to just let them do what they need to do, even though it's rude. I just love the example of taking it the opposite direction. And I don't care if you're going to be called a bitch. I don't care if you're going to be called all sorts of the names that women get called

in business when they're forceful and present. I watched my husband do this all the time and but he's a guy, right? Like watching other strong, powerful women do this. It was totally the right thing to do. Was the leadership move to make. And it was a really cool example for me to just remember, Hey, wait a second, you don't have to back down when somebody else is trying to put you in a corner and it's okay to make that person feel uncomfortable because they're actually making you feel

uncomfortable and they're in the wrong. So frickin loved that. All right. Number three, it's wild that all of these instances happened while I was abroad because I promise in future months, most of these will happen like in our business or I don't know, I just don't normally have all of these experiences where I'm not in our office. But January was a pretty, pretty crazy month with travel. So the third one I was in Paris and. Let

me just read my notes. Okay. So I was in Paris and with a group of totally awesome women and one of the women, as soon as we sat down and I implemented this last night, funnily enough, as soon as we sat down, she was like, We're ordering a magnum of Cristal. First she asked if everybody's drinking champagne. Of course no one's going to say no. And then she ordered this Magnum of Cristal. Now I'm not here. To promote drinking. Sorry. I just realize I'm supposed to

be eating my breakfast while I'm doing this. A little multitasking for the morning, but you guys probably want to hear me chew. I work out this whole morning podcasting. Anyway, she asks everybody if they're drinking champagne and they say yes. She orders this magnum of Cristal. I was like, That

is a freaking boss move to take control of the group. Now, this is different than the first instance because the first instance was somebody hosting a party and and doing things the right way when she's the one that is responsible for the group because she brought them together. But when you're just with a group of people and there's no like direct responsibility, there's no like, Oh, I invited you to this thing. It's just like a networking experience. You

should freaking take control. Like, you should be the person that says, okay, I'm ordering caviar and champagne for the table. I am. I'm going to take responsibility. I'm going to order the food. See, that's normally like my thing is I will order the food for everybody. I learned that very early on in my career, that it's really great to be decisive in social situations about the food, but I'd never really thought about it for the drinks and

the appetizers and just taking accountability for the group. So I loved this woman's move like this. It's not even a flex. It's just like it's the freaking right thing to do. And to be honest with you, this isn't a podcast about like, men versus women, but I think I'm around more men, to be honest, than I am women.

And I'm around very powerful, strong men. And so it's just been amazing to watch these women do behaviors that I have seen men do but haven't really put two and two together of like, Hey, Natalie should do this. I just always think of it as the other person doing it. And she just everybody was so appreciative that she did this. I was appreciative that she did this. And I was just kind of like, that is a

good move. I'm putting that in my pocket. Next time in a group, I'm just totally going to take responsibility. Take responsibility for the group. If you're in the group, take responsibility for the group. Okay? This next one, I actually learned from me. I learned something. What I learned from this month, it's kind of funny, but what I learned from this month, one of the things is something that I did myself, which was when I was in

Paris after an event, it was probably midnight. And if you listen to my previous podcast episode, you'll know my networking tips. And one of them when I'm in a new group of people is to not drink. Well, I was in this networking event and I didn't drink, but then everybody wanted to go to a club afterwards and I was already like 5050 about, do I want to go? I have an early morning. I have meetings tomorrow morning.

I need to be fresh. It's already midnight. But because it was a new group, it's like I should go. So I showed up to this club. Everybody else had been drinking like no one was drunk, but they had just like they were having a good time. They were socializing. And so I show up to this club and as soon as I got there, I was like, I really don't want to be here. These these people are awesome. But it would take me a lot of drinking in order to get on their level very quickly. It's already midnight.

I have things that I want to do. I don't really feel great about this, but what I learned is. You don't have to feel pressure from what other people are doing. Like for a split second, I was like, Oh, should I just stay so that people think that I'm fun and cool? And I was like, No, this is not my personality. I don't need them to think I'm fun or cool. By being out at a nightclub, they can think I'm fun and cool in a whole bunch of other ways. I'm not going to miss out from

this experience because I've already had fun. Like I've had a great time and anything else that happens would be potentially fun. But I don't know that it's necessarily going to be any fun because I don't know these people. And at a nightclub, it's like, what? How much fun can happen at a nightclub at midnight, right? I mean, I get a lot of fun, but you get what I'm saying. And so I got there I was there for five minutes and I literally just left. I left.

I grabbed my jacket. I went home, got in bed, packed my shit up, and was really proud of that decision because I didn't feel like I was doing something that I didn't need to do. And. If you're somebody who struggles with fear of missing out and worrying that something fun is happening while you're not there. You really just have to, like, internalize and ask yourself and check in with yourself around. Do I really want to do this? Am I only doing this because somebody else wants me

to do this? And if somebody else wants you to do it, unless they're really fucking important to you. Like if my husband wants me to do something, he wants me to go out because we're entertaining people. Or at some important thing, he has the wait and the pole for me to do that. There's maybe 2 or 3 people in my life who have that pole over me because of the agreements that we have, the relationships that

we have. But anybody else, if you're a stranger, if you're just a friend, if you're just somebody in my world, I don't care and I shouldn't care and I don't want to care because I know what I need to do and I know where I'm going. And so it was it was a it was a moment for me of remembering you don't have to do what the group is doing and you don't have to feel pressure. And if you're like, I'm good, then just be good and go home and do your thing and feel good about

doing your thing. Because what I found is if I would have stayed and I've done this in the past, whenever I let somebody else dictate what I'm spending my time doing, I resent them. And more importantly, I resent myself. Like, Man, why did I just let them make the decision for me? I didn't want to do this. I shouldn't have done it. Now I've put myself in a position to trust myself less. And you want to be able to protect what you

trust yourself to say yes and no to. And the more you say no to things that you know you don't want to do, the more confidence you have. And conversely, the more you just agree to go along with what everybody else is doing. But, you know, you don't really want to be there or you should be doing something different and you should be contributing to something or you should be working in and getting closer to your goals.

Like you're going to not become confident and it's funny, as I talk about this, it makes me remember the beginning of my 20s. I followed Brandon around with a lot of his business travel and his work, and I was just like almost at his beck and call and not in a negative way, like we were in a great relationship and I was supporting him, but I didn't have a life that required me to go do something different. So it was all about his schedule, his meetings, and

I learned a lot from that. But I started to resent that in some of those things that I didn't want to do. I still did. And I felt bad about it because I should have been writing a book. I should have been learning sales skills. I should have been reading a book and making myself better. But instead I just agreed to go along with whatever he was doing because I thought it was. I didn't think it

was the right thing to do, to be honest. I just I felt pressure again, not from him, but whenever you're not doing the thing that is making you insecure and you know you have to go do taking time out of the equation and just doing it is the greatest response. And that takes a shift. And it definitely was a shift early on in Brandon. My relationship, when I started saying no to dinners at 830 at night because I needed to be in bed at 930. But eventually Brandon was just like got on board with it.

And the dynamic of our relationship and our life changed for the better because now he he's in love with somebody who's confident and believes in herself and has done what I needed to do to be on the level that he was already at. And. It took me a really long time to figure that out because I felt like I couldn't contribute early on. And so my contribution was being there and being the life of the party

and being his support system and his partner. But it really took until COVID to be honest, for me to make that that pivot and that switch. To like gain the skill sets that I knew I needed to gain in order to feel confident and good about myself and to contribute the way that I wanted to. And now we have a different relationship. But it's phenomenal because I have confidence. And if you're not confident right now, I would really encourage you to pick the thing that you

are going to get statistics in. That will create confidence for you. Because once you once you figure that game out, if the person that you love or the person you're in relationship with or the people in your life really do support you and want you to flourish and prosper and to succeed in life, they're going to they're going to back you. It might take a minute like you have to to be steadfast in the person that you're becoming.

But the right people will support you. And I know that I saw that with Brandon and so many people in my life. I also saw that with people who who didn't necessarily want that for me. And they're no longer really in my life because they couldn't handle that. I wouldn't go out with them or that I was doing different things and they wanted to stay doing the things that they were doing. So that turned into a little bit of a relationship tangent. But those are the

things that I learned in January. I am going to start writing down what I'm learning in February because February has already been a wild month. We're only on day two and it's been a wild month. Big learning lessons from yesterday. I'm curious to know what you want to hear on this podcast. Do you like these more personal things? Are there specifics like around the things that I'm talking about that you want to know more about? It would be amazing if you could send me some feedback at

Building Billions podcast. Take the little. It's like literally a 15 second survey to give me feedback or ask any questions, and on the next episode I will totally answer them. And also, if you're loving the podcast, don't forget to review and share. This episode would mean the world to me because that's how podcasts grow and it is very much my intention to grow this podcast to help as many people as I can through things We're talking about

things we're struggling with, things we're learning. So with that, can't wait to.