EP 135 | Lessons Learned in 2023

most amount of anxiousness this year. It was hands down the most challenging year of my career. And so I'd like to share with you the key things that I learned this year that if I had the chance to do this year over again, I would have been able to do things differently. It would have had a different perspective. I would have had more control in certain areas, responsibility in other areas. So let's just dive on in. First lesson I learned communication fixes most things, but it does

not fix everything. I came into this year thinking that my superb communication skills and my ability to be really direct with somebody, my ability to be aligned and give direction and feedback was going to solve this challenge that I was facing. And the reality of communication is you have to have two parties acting in good faith for communication to solve a problem. And if one party is not acting in good faith and you can't change that, the lack of good faith from the other party, uh,

you can't change that. Well, then communication isn't going to fix it. And it's only going to get worse. And it took me probably six months into this constant fighting in this communication cycle to realize that my ability to communicate can't. My great ability to communicate that is one of my strengths. It can't outweigh the lack of somebodies willingness to act in good faith, to be a good partner,

to work well in conjunction with me. And I think this would have helped me save a lot of sleepless nights if I would have not given up, but changed my direction earlier. It wasn't about, you know, oh, I'm not going to communicate. I just could have been smarter about how I communicated. I could have been less reactive. I could have let it affect me less, because I kept trying to communicate over and over in different ways and have accountability and create structure. And it didn't help.

It continued to frustrate and not work, which made the whole thing even worse. So number one, communication does not fix everything. Second lesson similar vain, but distinctly different. For me, it is not my job to be the savior of a situation. I, like many entrepreneurs, like many hard charging, goal oriented people, believe that you can drop me in

any situation and I can fix it. And I did great work last year and did save countless situations from being worse, going a different direction, uh, and helped progress them towards the right direction. However, I didn't need to. Just because I can fix something does not mean that it is. The best use of my time, does not mean it's what I want to do. And sometimes I as I look back in my life, I will just jump in to save something. I will jump in to fix it because I know that I can, but that

doesn't mean that I should. And why that was an important lesson last year is by being a savior to a situation, it forced me to be great, not just okay, it forced me to be great and learn to be great at two separate things. And the reality is, if you're learning to be great at two separate things, you're probably going to be average, maybe even poor at both.

And I didn't recognize how little traction this other area of our business was getting because my focus wasn't really there, even though I said it was there and I wanted it to be there, it really wasn't there. And so if I wouldn't have had this knee jerk reaction to be the savior and to fix something, I would have been able to really execute and become great at something

that I was learning instead. Still to this day. I'm poor at the thing that I wanted to learn last year that I am going to learn, and I am going to be great at this year. And it just led me last year to being average at two new things, which sucks. When I look back at the last year, it really sucks that I just didn't make more progress, and I'm disappointed that it took me as long as it did to figure that out. But going into this year, if you're wanting to be truly excellent and get results

at something. My biggest piece of advice, my biggest lesson learned, is go all in on that thing. Do not try to do two things. Do not try to be, you know, the best, uh, golfer and also grow your business by five x. Just go all in on one of those things. And when you start getting good at that thing and becoming great at that thing. Okay, then add the golf in. But don't do it before you're great. Do not do it before you're great. Number three I did a lot

of work on myself this year. I probably spent more time this year than I've ever spent in my entire life on self-development. And one of the biggest takeaways from this development that I did this year is I can do things my way that are in alignment with my values and our align our and and our in alignment with. Having virtues that I believe in. What I mean by this is. It's so easy to pick up how other

people do business, specifically in my instance. I've had Brandon, my husband, as a mentor for my entire career over a decade. Grant Cardone is a mentor of mine. I've watched all of these people in the businesses that I work in, communicate with people, handle situations and see how they do things and watch how they're successful. And of course, I've done what we say to do model, mimic, master, multiply. But there are certain things that I've picked up that

really aren't me. Like one of the things I hate sending direct, pointed emails. I hate it when I'm doing it, and I know that I hate it because I hate opening the responses. And I've watched many of my mentors send these types of emails. And so I just picked this communication style up. Well, really, my preferred communication is

actually through a phone call. I would much rather have a phone call, have a voice message with some sort of direct communication so that the person can hear what my intent is, instead of it just coming over so pointed via email and I don't feel like I'm being gracious, I don't feel like I'm being patient. I don't feel like I'm being understanding all these virtues that I believe in when I send these emails. And I just realized I do not have to send emails like this. I

don't have to communicate like this. I can pick up the phone, I can do it different than other people. And then if I'm going to be direct, at least I'm direct to the person and I lay it all out and then it's over with. But I can do business my way. I can lead meetings my way. I can be a leader my way. I can drive the impact that I want to make and do it my way, that are in a way that is in alignment with

the way that I want to come across. Instead of picking up and using how other people came across specifically in ways when I know that I don't feel good about the way that I'm doing it. So if you are in a similar situation where you communicate and you're like, shit, I did not want to communicate like that. That came across too harsh. I feel bad you don't have to communicate like that. You can choose a different way. Just because you saw somebody else do that does not mean

that you have to do it that exact way. And in 2024, I'm really going to focus on the leader that I want to be versus the leader that I've thought I needed to be, and the leader that I thought other people wanted me to be. Who is Natalie as a leader, what is my leadership profile? How do I want to be known with my team? Obviously getting results is at the core of that, but I believe I can go about this in a way that feels

much more genuine and connected to my preference. That will get an even better result than I've been able to get over the last decade. All right. Number five. So I had a 30th birthday this last year and on my 30th birthday. Things were a shit show. There was more pressure than I've ever experienced from a business standpoint.

I had a particular set of videos on TikTok that went viral of people just being rude, and normally that stuff doesn't get to me, but the feedback that they were giving was also mirroring the situation that was happening in Live fire. And it just I woke up on my 30th birthday. I remember taking a shower in New

York City, just thinking. I have waited for this day and wanted to be proud of myself on this day for the last ten years, and I'm so fucking pissed that this is what's happening on this day, because it was really hard for me to just snap out of it and appreciate the person that I've become and how proud I should have been on my 30th birthday, because I was just so disappointed in myself for a variety of things and in its own way. Funny enough. How?

The learning lesson on this is things aren't always how they feel, and I wanted to just continue to tell myself that things aren't always how they feel. Even though they felt really shitty at that moment, they felt difficult. They felt sucky. It felt like everything that I didn't want it to be, that's not actually how things were. And I had to really separate, like consciously separate my

feelings from looking objectively at reality. On my 30th birthday, I had accomplished almost everything I had set out to accomplish over the last decade. There are few areas where I definitely fell short, but I have so much and had so much to be thankful for, and this concept of things aren't how they feel was just a strengthening moment for me. That I can handle really uncomfortable feeling things and recognize that that's not actually how life is.

And I can pull myself out. And the months after that, I did a good job of just extracting from the feelings and focusing on how is the state of what's happening, how is the reality? Because if the reality is the stats are going up and things are looking great and they objectively are great, just because I feel like they're shitty, it doesn't really matter. Because look at the stats. The stats are fantastic. All right. Number 1234. We are on number five. Pay more and get more. Pay more for

better people. I hired a role in our business, and I paid $100,000 less for this role. Then I ended up paying and the $100,000 that I saved on the first person actually cost me $10 million. I should not have been cheap. I should have gone and looked at the full role, really understanding and and including in this person's job description what I wanted to happen, what I wanted to have them be responsible for, what I wanted to have happen versus what I thought we should be paying.

I thought we should be paying 250. We should have been paying 350, and 350 would have gotten us everything that we needed and more, and that is what ended up happening. So pay more. Don't cheap yourself, cheap yourself. Don't cheat yourself with bad talent just because you think that you can't afford the additional 20,000 or the additional 100,000.

Now granted, every role you can't choose to treat like that, but the ones that report to you, the ones that are directly responsible for handling things on your behalf, the ones that are in key leadership roles, spend the money to find the right talent. And if you don't find the right talent, do not waste your time on the wrong person. Just putting a body in a seat and thinking that they're good enough. But seeing all of these red flags just is the wrong thing to do. So

pay more six. Especially when you're having a hell of a year. Consistency wins. This goes a little bit back to things aren't always how they feel. If you just keep going, if you just keep showing up, if you just keep being tenacious through the sock, through how horrible it is, it wins. That in and of itself wins.

And I'm excited about a handful of relationships that are coming into fruition right now, because I can't share with you what they are yet, but I know it's because these people just kept watching us show up and they didn't know about the bullshit that was going on. They didn't know that things were hard. They just saw that we were consistent, that I was consistent, and that I kept showing up. And that in and of itself sets an example for people. And it's something that's aspirational because

most people can't be consistent. The majority of people, your team members, maybe even yourself, other leaders struggle with consistently showing up, being steady Eddie, every single day you see them showing up, you know that they're there. They are figuring it out. Most people quit or they try to build, you know, a lifestyle business where they don't really want to be consistent. They don't want to have accountability for any of their actions or what they show up to

or what they don't show up to. So consistency, how can you be the most consistent person this year? That's what I'm focused on. How can I be the most consistent person? I already know that I have this muscle flexed like I I got. I figured out the consistency, but in new things, I'm trying something new. This year. I'm going for something a lot bigger this year. And this reminder, this lesson of like, I just have to be consistent with it. I'm not going to be perfect

out of the gate. It's going to be freaking hard, but I can be consistent in the process. Number seven, this is something that I'm definitely going to be implementing this year because I learned this about myself last year. I love a threat, put a threat in my environment, put something that is scary to me that could damage something that could hurt me, that could make me not successful. Anything that is a threat in my environment and that

is going to help me perform. Some people crumble at threats. Some people crumble at pressure. For me, threats freaking help. And instead of avoiding threats, instead of trying to not have anything go wrong. I'm going into this year actually looking for how I can create a threat in my environment because I know it is a performance enhancer for me, and this goes to this idea of what helps you perform. Do you actually know what the conditions are that help

get the best out of you? That's what a good coach does. A good coach is able to say, hey, I see that you are this type of player and therefore the environment that you're going to be in is going to be as conducive as possible. My job is to make it as conducive as possible to get the best out of you. I talk about, you know, reality

equaling potential. Does your reality does your real circumstances equal what you are capable of, what your potential is, and a good coach really sees what your potential is, what your business could create, what type of partner you are, what your athletic ability is, how fit you want to be, whatever your potential is, and they help craft and hold you accountable to this environment that is going to allow

you to actually get there. And if you don't focus on your environment and really understanding what helps you, you might accidentally seek and go after all of the things that make you comfortable and make you happy and make

you feel good about yourself. Well, if I know that I actually feel good about myself when I achieve something and when I hit my target, and my target is something that's aggressive and ridiculous and terrifying, instead of seeking happiness and pleasure and comfort, I'm going to seek the circumstances that are going to create the version of Natalee that she needs to be in order to get to where she wants to go, and for me, it's a threat. I need a threat. I need that thing that's going

to help me play the game. Threats and barriers are part of games, and we all create games in our lives, whether we recognize it or not. Life is a game. I am a huge believer of that. And so instead of letting the threat happen to me, I am choosing my threats and trying that out for 2024 because I see how the impact of 2023 and these threats that I had really created and drew out in many moments, the best of what I had to offer. All right.

Number eight. How you feel. Doesn't matter. Results do. Less emphasis on feelings. Less emphasis on the bullshit. More emphasis on how are the stats. And even though I started this whole podcast by saying 2023 was a hell of a year and it sucked in so many areas and was the worst career or worst year that I had professionally. Funny thing is, if you look at the results of the businesses that I've run, the teams that I've been

responsible for, they've flourished through this year. We just closed Cardinal Ventures year, uh, two days ago, and we had the best month in the history of our company. In December we had a, I mean, we two extra business year over year. We just we crushed it and health business did the same I mean astronomical growth. So as much as I can say, oh it frickin sucked. And it was horrible. But did we win the game? Well, yeah,

we won the frickin game. We hit our target. So therefore it doesn't really matter how you feel in the process. I'm happy going into this next year and have a lot of confidence because we won the game. And I know that despite how I feel, we're going to win the game next year because I'm going to do what is required of me, not the way or the things that I want to feel going into this next year. Number nine. Groups matter. This might be an interesting one, but I'm gonna go for it. So in 2023, I

realized something that I'd never known about myself. And that is, I've never really strongly associated myself with groups that I'm a part of. My whole life, I felt like an outsider in groups I've never felt accepted. Uh, I contribute as a very strong individual contributor, but I don't think of myself as somebody who's influencing and creating a really

strong group dynamic for the sake of the group. It is always been for really myself, for being able to see what I'm capable of and how I can help. But it comes from it comes from me, not from thinking that the group wants me. The group needs me, that I can make an effect in the group. And so as part of the self-development work that I did, I realized that because I don't feel like I'm a part of groups, I don't contribute to groups in the way that I should. And I watch my husband. He

is the best group contributor you have ever seen. He is just constantly thinking about ways to enhance the groups that he's a part of, and to add value and to do these creative little things. I do that individually with one on one, but I don't do it as groups. And so I because I learned this about myself, it's something I'm going to work on in 2024, which is how can I create an effect on the groups that

I'm a part of. And as I ask myself that question, and as I was asking that over the course of the last couple months of the year, it really just struck a chord with me that the reason that you would want to make an impact in the groups that you're part of is because you enjoy the groups, and that might sound silly, but I think growing up, I just never really realized that I got to choose the groups that I was a part of. I felt like I was a de facto group member. I went to

a really small high school. There weren't a lot of groups or things that I chose that I enjoyed to do, that I enjoyed doing, and the same happened with college. I was didn't really join any groups. And so now as an adult, as a 30 year old woman, man, the groups that I am a part of, I choose to be a part of, and therefore I should choose

to be a contributor to these groups. And I can create on them, and I can be an influence to them, instead of treating them as if I'm not a part of them, or I didn't choose them, or I don't like them, because of course I do. I wouldn't choose to be a part of them if I wasn't. So it really is just taking more responsibility for the groups that I'm a part of. And if I don't want to be a part of a group as an adult, I can choose not to be a part of the group.

But if I do choose to be part of a group, what is my contribution to that group? What is the effect that I want to have on that group? I'm going to be so much more intentional about the groups that I am in and creating on them. Instead of being effect of these groups or thinking that it's somebody else's job to make them wonderful, it's really not. It's my job and I have the ability to do that, and I can do that very well one on one. But now it's going to be group group time, group

focus time. All right. With that, those are my lessons learned from 2024. I'm rooting for you in 28. These are lessons learned for 2023 and 2024. I'm rooting for you. I'm rooting for myself. I'm rooting for everybody out there who is making changes right now, who is envisioning and imagining what a new version of them looks like, what a better version of them looks like. I am in love with the goal setting process at the mark in time.

That is a new year. I think it is magical if you choose to make it magical, and it doesn't mean anything if you choose not to put a lot of weight in it. But if you want to see your life change, I believe that this is the time to do it. Even if you are listening to this and it's well into the year, it doesn't matter when you can start new at any point in time by making a new decision. And with that, preciate you rooting for you. Looking forward to talking to you next time.