Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. On Sunday, after a year-and-a-half of only giving talks over Zoom, I had my first in-person speaking engagement at a local Unity Church.
Although it was overstimulating for me to be in a room filled with so many people and live music after such a long stretch of peaceful solitude, I somehow managed to maintain composure and keep my cool. Transitioning back into social events is going to be a gradual exercise for me. I had one event this month, there are two next month, and then half a dozen that involve some travel the month after that.
While some people have anxiety about businesses opening up again, distance and travel restrictions being lifted, and face masks no longer being a requirement in some areas, there are also many people who are excited to get back out there to socialize and mingle. Let's be gentle and understanding with one another, check with someone if they are open to hugging before assuming that they are, and honor everyone's comfort level.
Prior to my talk on Sunday, the Minister said our life experience is directly affected by our mythology. This got me thinking about what a difference perspective can make when it comes to our ability to love everyone. On the one hand, a friend recently told me he believes it's in our human nature to judge others, and that my entire premise of non-judgment is therefore idealistic and unrealistic. "Why fight nature?" is my friend's go-to reasoning for humans being so selfish.
On the other hand, the Dalai Lama says that Love is the absence of judgment. So, what's in question is no longer whether or not we can love freely, it is suddenly a discussion about us judging compulsively. It doesn't matter if loving or judging is in our inherent nature because we aren't concrete and nothing is permanently fixed.
Above all else, it's ultimately in our nature to evolve, like all beings, so we are not limited, restricted, or confined by our past, we are shaped by what we decide to do in the present We are capable of unlearning and turning what has previously been unnatural into a genuine part of who we become. Just as someone who is optimistic and hopeful can turn cynical and resentful, I believe the judgmental can also learn to love, and the selfish can grow selfless.
Every time we talk about love, I feel it's important to remember that true love is unconditional, for if love has conditions, then it isn't love at all, it's a transaction. Having said that, however, love can't conquer all, so to speak, for even love can't salvage every relationship. While love has no conditions, relationships can most certainly have them. That's why it's painful but possible to even be madly in love with someone, yet still be better off without them.
There is a difference between judging a person and assessing compatibility. But, if we learn not to judge anyone, then we can, as the Dalai Lama suggests, love everyone, whether we maintain a relationship with them or not. Our first experience of love is typically by our parents or caregivers, and for many of us, it wasn't unconditional. We received their love when we followed the rules and made them proud, but that love was taken away if we disappointed or embarrassed them.
I don't think it's their fault, however, for if they never learned how to be nonjudgmental, then we're back to my friend's perspective that it's downright unnatural for them to love us unconditionally. People seldom ask themselves if they are ready to love before they decide to get into a relationship or to have kids. They just want to BE loved and simply assume they would be able to love in return. For some, loving comes easily because they aren't judgmental.
But for many, judgment comes easily, making love difficult to find. This is why I appreciate Buddhism always turning the mirror back on the practitioner to work on themselves rather than blaming our lack of serenity on outside circumstances, such as our nature or learned behavior, as if those things are fixed. Is it in our nature to judge or to love? Or is judgment and love nothing more than learned behavior?
I don't think it's a question so much as it is an invitation to unlearn judgment so that love comes naturally. This would make it easier for us to love and be loved, and isn't that what we're all after at the end of the day? What a relief to discover that we are what's been standing in our way all along. And now that we know, we can get to work on raising our awareness of how many times we pass judgment throughout the day. The easiest way to break a bad habit is to replace it with a healthy one.
To that end, I suggest my favorite exercise of shifting your approach when you enter a room, from trying to impress everyone, to finding something impressive about everyone. Good luck! This podcast isn't sponsored by some product or service. It is made available with no ad placement thanks to listeners just like you through Patreon.com/BuddhistBootCamp — Thank you for your support. Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless and Buddhist Boot Camp.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com, where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. We hope you have enjoyed this episode, and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏