Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. On Sunday, I spoke at a Unity Church, which now meets over Zoom, and they recorded it, so I transcribed it to share a more condensed and cohesive version of my talk with you.
Shortly after January first, I posted the question online: What if you simply devoted this year to loving yourself more? I was quickly saddened by the overwhelming response from people saying they wouldn't even know where to start.
That would be difficult, I can't even imagine, Easier said than done, or, How do I do that? It reminded me of when I didn't feel worthy of love, let alone knew how self-love would even look like. I know it's different from self-centeredness, which is egotistical and selfish. So, whenever I try to better understand a concept, I think of its opposite and the distinction becomes crystal clear. The opposite of self-care is not selflessness, it's self-neglect.
Many of us are conditioned to go above and beyond for other people, clean the house before having company over, and be considerate of other people's time. These are all wonderful qualities, but make sure your own name is on that list of people worthy of your best. We are so quick to say things like, "It's just me," and the word "just" implies we're unimportant and insignificant. I'm not talking about boasting "His royal highness is here!" when you enter a room, I'm talking about self-care.
We care for those we love by default. So, to answer the question: What does self-love look like? Here are a few suggestions: There is a restaurant in Seattle with the slogan "Eat Like You Give a Damn!" It's funny and cute at first, but think about it a little more... "Eat like you care" in other words, begs the question: Care about what? Eat like you care about your health, about yourself, about the planet, animals, local farmers, you get the idea...
Eat like you care because the alternative is eating like you don't care. Self-love starts with caring about YOU. Each of the three times my sister found out she was pregnant, for example, she immediately stopped drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. The moment she gave birth, however, she started smoking and drinking again. She said she stopped when there was precious life inside of her, but she totally failed to acknowledge there is always precious life inside of her... her own!
Why are we so dismissive of our own worth and value? Self-neglect is significantly wider-spread than I initially realized when I simply suggested we love ourselves more, and it affects many aspects of our lives, not just what we consume. Let's go beyond eating like we care to living like we care! Your life is your message; meaning, you don't need to tell anybody what's important to you because your actions convey that information quite clearly. Is your message that of self-love or self-neglect?
Do you see yourself as having worth or as worthless? Not in theory, intellectually, or on paper, but in actions. Do your decisions reflect that you care or that you don't? When studying spirituality, whether religious or secular, Eastern or Western, from "Namaste" meaning The divinity in me acknowledges the divinity in others, or We are all God's children, everything points to sanctity within each of us, yet I, myself, spent many years failing to treat myself like I was sacred.
And I don't mean Holier than thou, I mean, exactly as holy as thou. One of my teachers described our body as the one jacket that our soul gets to wear for an entire lifetime. If you only owned one coat, you wouldn't throw it on the ground every time you got home or carelessly toss it in the corner, you would hang it up nicely, keep it clean, and take good care of it. That simple visual of a jacket really knocked some sense into me and I realized I was
totally mistreating my coat. That's when my definition of "Healthy" changed from a meal, for example, that had something healthy in it to only mean meals that didn't have anything unhealthy in them. People claim a glass of wine is good for you, and while it's true there are ingredients in wine that are good for you, alcohol isn't one of them; that's just what makes what would otherwise be grape-juice vinegar drinkable.
But I don't just mean food or beverage, everything I was consuming changed: Television shows, movies, articles, books, even the friends I wanted in my life or family members; pretty much anything toxic had to go. My bedtime changed, I started spending more time in nature, and making decisions that reduced the stress in my life not added to it. I can't give you a recipe for self-love because it's going to look different for each of us. But at its core, to answer all those questions about where
to start or how to go about doing it, start by caring. It helps me to visualize two beings
the God within, and the ego within. So when I eat, which one am I feeding? If I'm tempted to hold a grudge, for whose benefit am I doing it? When I get angry, which is a perfectly natural response to witnessing something that doesn't sit right with us, which part of me decides how to respond? The compassionate side that stands
for peace and kindness, or the destructive side that acts out of rage? Get to know the God within you, or the Good within you if you're not comfortable with the word God, by first and foremost acknowledging that it's there, and then taking care of it.
Heck, pretend you're pregnant with precious life inside of you if you have to, but start living like you care, eating like you care, sleeping like you care, drinking like you care, investing in your life like you care, and you will find that by loving yourself more, you will actually have more of yourself to give to others, not less. Eventually, you will see there is no distinction between yourself and others. We are all holy. We are all worthy of love and compassion, every single one of us
with no exception, including you. So back to my original question: What if you simply devoted this year to loving yourself more? Before good things can come your way, you must first believe you deserve them. We are so good at imagining the life we want, but we're not so good at saying "No" to anything that isn't that. Just remember the opposite of self-care is not selflessness, it's self-neglect. So, take care of yourself this year, and every year from now on. Namaste.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless and Buddhist Boot Camp. For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com, where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. We hope you have enjoyed this episode, and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼