Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. When someone is stressed out, telling them to relax isn't very helpful if they have no idea what relaxed looks or even feels like. They might go as far as defend their stress as the appropriate response to the situation they're in, especially if that's their habitual
way of responding to most circumstances in life. It all depends on what kind of tools we've picked up along the way and have at our disposal. One person may have patience or inner-peace in their tool belt, which they are ready to use and apply in any situation, while someone else only has anger and frustration, so they try to solve their problems with the only tools they've got, often making them worse.
Like my friend Scott, who has very little patience but a lot of money, so when he has a problem, he tries to throw money at it to make it go away, except it never truly goes away because the true problem is his impatience. I hate to admit it, but it's entertaining to watch him try to quench his thirst with sand, so to speak. As I often say, the problem isn't annoying people or frustrating situations, it's that you keep getting annoyed and frustrated. Solve that problem, and you will see them
as just people and situations, because that's all they are. The goal isn't to create a bubble in which nobody pushes our buttons, but to mature and evolve enough so that we have no buttons that can be pushed. I've heard it said that if all you've got is a hammer, then everything starts looking like a nail. If you are extremely judgmental in one situation, for example, then you're likely judgmental in all others as well;
it's your tool of choice, so to speak. Or perhaps complaining is your go-to instrument or anger, frustration, exasperation, or even joy, which is also an option through which you find ways to actually enjoy every situation no matter how different it may be from what you had in mind. I'm sure you know a few people like that. But I'm also sure you know how frustrating it is when someone tells you to calm down while you have no intention of calming down. You just don't want to hear it.
You might even consider the proposal absurd, which is a great insight into why so many disagreements exist in the first place, be it in your home or between nations. If someone is deeply invested in chaos and drama, then the idea of a simple
and uncomplicated life probably sounds terrifying to them. It's very possible that they are actually addicted to chaos, just like the concept of minimalism is unappealing to those whose very identity or sense of value and worth comes from material possessions. You can't force someone who isn't ready and willing to all of a sudden see the world the way you do. Even peace is the most absurd suggestion for someone
deeply invested in their fear and hatred. So don't exhaust yourself telling people to relax if they have no idea what relaxed looks like. Just live your life, lead by example. There's no need to run around pointing your light at everybody, simply shine like a lighthouse, and the ships ready to find their way out of the dark will gravitate towards you on their own, when they are ready and not a moment sooner. Just like you weren't ready until you were. How does that sound?
So, with which outlook do you most identify? The one invested in drama? The blissfully serene? The hoarder or the minimalist? The stressed? The relaxed? The perpetual people-pleaser? Or the lighthouse? You see, your life is your message. You don't even need to tell people what you believe because your actions convey your values just fine. And remember that people who are confident in their beliefs
don't feel the need to defend them. Someone hating avocados doesn't make me like them any less, and a million people praising bean sprouts doesn't make them any more appealing to me. There's a middle ground between being so deeply invested in something that we're completely blind to everything else, and completely careless about everything. In that middle ground, we hold everything lightly, gently, not white-knuckling our way through anything. It's not being indifferent
or careless, it's care-free, liberated, unattached. Work on filing down your own rough edges instead of being so upset that other people's edges are so rough. My suggestion is to do it with humor; I constantly laugh at myself when I get annoyed with someone being inconsiderate, for example, reminding myself that I have intentionally been inconsiderate in the past, and I continue to be unintentionally inconsiderate even today despite my best efforts not to.
Don't demand perfection from anyone, because you can't possibly give it in return. I want to thank you for making these podcasts available commercial-free. It's thanks to the support of listeners just like you, so if you find value in Buddhist Boot Camp, please visit patreon.com/buddhistbootcamp, and show your support with as little as one dollar a month, because without you there would be no us. Thank you.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless and Buddhist Boot Camp. For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com, where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. We hope you have enjoyed this episode and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏