Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. Many years ago, I lived in a one-bedroom condominium. As a first time homeowner, I made the rookie mistake of becoming president of the Homeowners' Association (HOA), responsible for community rules and regulations, guidelines and budgeting.
The monthly HOA dues were already high when I was elected, and costs were only continuing to rise, covering common area expenses such as landscaping, pool maintenance, exterior paint, and so on. Nobody was happy with how expensive the monthly fees were getting, so I looked for ways to lower them. I discovered a portion of the monthly dues was actually paying for shared services that the board was technically not allowed to split between the tenants, such as cable TV in every unit.
The residents who didn't own a TV were thrilled to no longer have to pay for something they weren't using. But the ones who previously benefited from splitting the cost between all the tenants were furious about having to suddenly pay more for cable than they did before I came along. They sent me death threats in the mail, one resident spit on me from his balcony when I walked by, yet others praised me for being the best board president they've ever had.
Whether we're talking about HOA's, a city, state, or country, there is never a ruling with which everyone is happy. The question is, how can we mindfully respond to what we think is unjust when someone else believes it is fair? Some people direct their anger toward the lawmakers, others are upset with those who voted them into office, and quite a few target their fury at the many people who didn't vote at all when they had the chance.
When we are emotionally triggered like that, we tend to get tunnel vision and only see things from our perspective. We feel victimized, outraged, and disempowered. Groaning to each other about injustices doesn't bring about a peaceful resolution, and hostility is never effective in addressing what we think needs fixing. In fact, dwelling on what we believe is unfair
negatively affects our ability to do anything productive. Complaining drains our energy, amplifies our emotions, and keeps us more focused on the problems than on possible solutions. We feel so wronged that our brains actually rationalize irrational behavior, like aggression, when we most need to remain calm and patient. The first step is to accept what we stubbornly refuse to acknowledge, which is that life is sometimes unfair.
Other times, life doesn't move with the same sense of urgency we think it should, and every once in a while, it feels as if we are actually going backward, or like the pendulum swings from one extreme to the other. When the rug is swept out from under you, it's difficult not to take it personally, even when it has nothing to do with you. The more deeply I contemplate what I personally consider to be fair, the clearer I can see how it may be perceived as unfair to someone else.
The less right I think I am about anything, the more I can approach everything from a place of humble surrender to what is, rather than comparing it to my ideal. I'm not suggesting we let go of our ideals, only that we loosen the grip on our sense of urgency. After all, patience is not about how long you can wait, it's about how well you behave while you're waiting. Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless and Buddhist Boot Camp.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com, where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. We hope you have enjoyed this episode and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼