Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. My friend Tanya was recently complaining about how stressful her job can be, and she was contemplating looking for new work. So, we tried to determine whether the problem is the job or her attitude about it.
In other words, is it the load that's breaking her back, or is it the way she's carrying it? Tanya is only in her mid-thirties, but already juggling anxiety and bouts of depression,
not to mention sleep deprivation and fatigue. Knowing her quite well, the demands of the job are not necessarily the problem, as she is the kind of person who would likely find a way to be equally stressed working in a small town cafe as she is as a lead executive managing a dozen employees on a multi-million dollar project. We talked about her habitual tendencies, and how she usually responds to situations outside of work in the same way she does in the office: as if everything is a life
or death situation. So, we discovered a general pattern of overreacting in almost all circumstances. As Tanya and I kept talking, however, we DID find a pattern of behavior, a healthy one this time, where she actually DOESN'T stress about something that other people would normally get really upset about. A brand new, expensive, glass, coffee table shattered in her living room, and her immediate reaction and attitude was more C'est La Vie than anything else.
I think it's important for us to recognize these patterns in ourselves because only after we are aware of them, can we replace unhealthy tendencies with new ones. If we can get her to respond to work-related situations the same way she kept her cool when something expensive broke, then every aspect of her life would improve. So that was her assignment: to apply the same non-reactive perspective at work as she does in other situations.
The very following week, Tanya called me to say there was a moment at work when she was about to get frustrated, completely freak out, and explode all over her colleagues, but instead, she paused, she thought about her coffee-table example, and just like that, she let it go. It is easier for us to return to a place we've already been than to get there for the first time. By taking note of her mental state when she is calm,
she can go back to it almost on demand. But, she had to be made aware of her ability to do so before she could tap into it. And that, my friends, is exactly the key: exercising that muscle until "letting go" becomes the new pattern instead of getting frustrated. In fact, I think that's exactly why the things that annoy us keep happening in our lives over and over again:
so we can finally decide to respond to them differently. It's all an invitation for us to put mindfulness into practice, but most of us just get upset about results we don't get from work we refuse to do. So, it's not the load that breaks our back, it's the way we carry it.
Let's equate going through life to driving down the highway. Most people set the cruise control for their ideal speed but then they get frustrated when there is a slower driver up ahead, or an unexpected turn forcing them to slow down. But the problem isn't other drivers or the road, it's our mentality that the world should revolve around our preferences. And getting rid of that mentality is your key to freedom.
Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, becomes much more enjoyable when you let go of the many illusions you have about how the world "should" be and how people "should" behave. Just because the situation is stressful doesn't mean you have to be stressed. Your response is the one thing you can control. So, grab the steering wheel, turn off the cruise control, and navigate your own life instead of getting upset with other people or circumstances pushing you off course so easily.
I've even lived and driven in Los Angeles, so I know what it's like to travel five miles in 30 minutes by car. But that too was a choice, as was opting to listen to audiobooks and podcasts instead of getting upset. That's how I'm able to get to where I'm going stress-free. It's not the load that breaks our backs, it's the way we carry it. There's an old Zen invitation to "Let Go or Be Dragged." The choice is yours.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless and Buddhist Boot Camp. For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com, where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. We hope you have enjoyed this episode, and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏🏼