Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. I called this episode "It's Not You, It's Me," because whenever I'm tempted to blame someone else for how I'm feeling, I remind myself that they aren't the problem, I am.
Like, if you and I were hanging out, and you started doing something that irritates me, humming or whistling, for example, tempting as it may be to blame you for being annoying, the problem is that I'm choosing to be annoyed by something you're doing. So, it's not you, it's me. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and I not only agree with her, but I believe no one can
"make you feel" ANYTHING without your consent. I mean, haven't you ever noticed that the same things you consider irritating are actually pleasant or even soothing for others; things like hot or cold weather, classical music, the sound of children laughing, long road trips in the car, thunderstorms, even data entry or gardening. All of those things that some people really enjoy and look forward to, that others plan their entire lives
in an ongoing effort to try to avoid. What one person thinks is the solution, someone else thinks is the complication. So the invitation is for all of us to avoid judgment altogether, to stop labeling everything as "good" or "bad" according to my own personal preferences. When I get annoyed by someone blasting their car stereo now in a residential neighborhood I just remind myself that I used to do the same thing when I was younger.
Or when cigarette smoke grosses me out, I just recall my own Marlboro days, and the whole judgy-wudgy attitude dissolves. I think it's really important to keep ourselves in check, so that we don't start thinking our way of being is somehow superior or, worse yet, ought to be universally practiced by everyone else. And that's why I often say that you will only be surrounded by annoying people and frustrating situations
until you learn not to get annoyed or frustrated. We need to stop blaming outside forces for our own lack of internal peace; that's our job! It's our personal responsibility to remain peaceful regardless of what's going on around us, not try to control everyone to
live in accordance with what we think is right. And when I talk about personal responsibility, it's not just accountability for the way our life has turned out so far, but also for the perspective from which we continue viewing the world around us from this point forward. I mean, we need to stop expecting perfection from others because we can't possibly
offer it in return. Have you considered the likelihood that perhaps someone finds your own attempts at even mindfulness extremely frustrating or annoying? The wind chime in your Zen garden might be perceived as inconsiderate and presumptuous by a neighbor who hates the sound. Or maybe your idea of "normal" is ridiculously absurd to someone else. Never assume that you are any less irritating than the people you try to avoid. So, if I get aggravated by something you do, it's because I'm the one
who hasn't yet learned not to get annoyed. And that's why I said, "It's Not You, It's Me." You are actually the greatest teacher, and from the moment I start looking at you from that perspective, all I wanna do is thank you, not kick you in the teeth. So, I say let's join Rumi in that "Beautiful field beyond right and wrong." Where you have your way, I have mine, and the wheels of the bus go 'round and 'round. Namaste.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless and Buddhist Boot Camp. For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com, where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. We hope you have enjoyed this episode and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love. 🙏