Welcome to the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast. Our intention is to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire a simple and uncomplicated life. Discover the benefits of mindful living with your host, Timber Hawkeye. When I think of guilt outside the judicial system, I immediately recall what's called the Jewish Guilt Trip with which I was raised.
It's a passive-aggressive weapon used by Jewish mothers everywhere to lure their children into something as subtle as doing the dishes, or as cunning as lifelong indebtedness for the pain and suffering of childbirth. You know the old joke, How does a Jewish mother change a light bulb? She just sits in a dark room and says, "You guys go out and have a great time tonight; I'll just sit here alone in the dark "it's totally fine, go ahead."
The intention is to make you feel so guilty that you not only change the light bulb, you might even stay with her instead of going out. But that's unhealthy guilt; the kind that other people think you "should" feel because of cultural or social expectations. There is also a healthy kind of guilt that genuinely comes from within.
Many people send me letters saying they are riddled with both types of guilt, either triggered by things they've done in the past, which I think is good and I'll tell you why in a minute, or guilt that is imposed upon them by other people, often relatives, who make them feel guilty for one reason or another. But can anyone really make you feel something that you don't already? And when you DO feel guilty, isn't that a good sign that you regret certain behavior
you would rather not repeat? To get acquainted with healthy guilt and dismiss the uninvited kind, similar to my morning ritual of making a gratitude list, my evening practice involves looking back on my day to see if I regret anything I've done. Like giving myself a daily report card of sorts. Yesterday, for example, I flunked the patience pop quiz, I got a 'B' on kindness, I could have scored much higher than a 'C' in self-care, but I got a solid 'A' for effort.
So today, I get to try again. This is why I think healthy guilt is a wonderful internal compass for morals, ethics, and values, telling you when you've made a wrong turn, and then each moment after that is an opportunity to redirect yourself towards True North. This daily practice has a few benefits: One, the act of acknowledging my missteps
makes me less likely to repeat them in the future. And two, when I refrain from labeling myself a bad person just because I've made a mistake, I'm far less likely to judge others as "bad" simply because they've done a bad thing. If it wasn't for guilt, I wouldn't take a closer look at some of my actions and I might even fall into the trap of identifying with my mistakes as if they are all I am - a failure as opposed to someone who has failed. There's a big difference there.
Feeling remorseful is a fundamental part of Buddhism, which is all about breaking our detrimental cycles and embarking on a new path toward a more congruent and blissful life. It's only when the internal conflict ends that we can finally live at peace with ourselves and with others. What helps me overcome the impulse to carry guilt from one day to the next, is a frequent reminder that I am not what has happened in my life nor what I have done, I am who I choose to become today.
The person I was -the one who committed the act about which I feel guilty- no longer exists. This is a new day and a new me, and the new me knows better. So, if you feel guilty about doing a bad thing, that's great! Ask for forgiveness from whoever else is involved, and also from yourself. Whether they forgive you is not relevant to this process. Vow to never repeat that behavior again, and you will move
past the debilitating feeling of guilt rather swiftly. But now that you know how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy guilt, the kind that someone else thinks you "should" feel, drop the unhealthy stuff right where you are. As my brother Ryan Benz says, "Most of what weighs you down isn't even yours to carry." Now, this is not a magic guilt-be-gone potion, but if you practice it daily, it's pretty close. Let go of what's killing you, even if it's killing you to let go.
The practice of mindfulness, awareness, and the messages in Buddhist Boot Camp, the book and the podcast, the online posts, and monthly emails, have completely changed the trajectory of my life and liberated me from the confinement of conformity to such a great degree, that I have dedicated my life to spreading the message as far and wide as I can, and I'm so glad I'm not trying to do it alone.
Every day someone new finds out about Buddhist Boot Camp thanks to all of you silent heroes out there who share my online posts with people you know, forward my monthly email to your friends, post pictures and quotes from the book on your Instagram accounts, and so on.
Just last week, a woman in Texas posted a picture of herself online holding the book and captioned it with a great review, urging people to read it, and my inbox was immediately filled with inquiries for the book in English and Spanish. When one person spreads the Dharma, millions of people are taught. So I want to thank you for enriching the lives of so many. I appreciate you. Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Faithfully Religionless and Buddhist Boot Camp.
For additional information, please visit BuddhistBootCamp.com, where you can order autographed books to support the Prison Library Project, watch Timber's inspiring TED Talk, and join our monthly mailing list. We hope you have enjoyed this episode, and invite you to subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Thank you for being a Soldier of Peace in the Army of Love.🙏🏼