It's your go, it's your thing, hey y'all, and we are back. So if I do a little bit more singing for this Grown Ambition episode, it's because I've got my fancy mic and it looks like that old school how would.
You describe our Mike Manny Shmancy.
Right, fan shmancy, old school like professional him. Then he can beat you. I don't know why, but it makes me want to sing like those like old and Vogue songs.
All right, well, we need you to send it down.
And caress the mic.
Oh, this is the weekend quiet storms, I know right.
We can say welcome next to grab a mission podka?
Where is silly? Silly? No one takes us seriously. I don't understand why they take us seriously. Well, the weekend was good. This is This has been the most Monday Monday I've ever had. Like I lost my keys this morning. I got into work till like three different fires I had to put out. So Monday kicked my butt. But the weekend was fine. The weekend was The weekend was almost like too chillax, like they were. We were almost
stressed out by how little we had to do. It's been such a hectic past two months of like weddings and traveling and you know how it is, and I feel like this was the first quiet weekend in about two months, and we just were like, what do we do with ourselves? Do you want to go see a movie? I don't know, that seems like far place. I don't feel like it's kind of far to go to a movie. Well, let's do Netflix. What are we going to watch? And we just it was just it was weird. It was creepy weird.
My weekend was the opposite of to I have not had, like I feel like I've just been so like hectic, but not even in a bad way, because sometimes there's technic and I'm like miserable with it because I'm just like, you can't add so overwhelmed. But it's been on so much good stuff. So I decided to write. Well, I decided a little while ago to do a children's book, and now I have almost three, like just out of the blue, I just got a surge. So what I
worked on this weekend is I'm doing a book. I really want to highlight brown fathers and their kids, because you know, there's that terrible myth that Brown fathers do not spend time with their children. But I also want to, you know, I want it to be a finance book for kids in a way, but something that's age appropriate. So I had this amazing photographer that shoots all around the world, and somehow I convinced him to bless me with his amazing skills. His name is Nima et Sebar.
And this weekend we shot all of these brown fathers inter with their kids. And one of the books is called The Cost of a Coney's Day, And a Coney is this little nine year old boy who is adorable. His father, Vaja, is a friend of mine and they hang out on the weekends, and we shot them this weekend just like doing what they normally do, taking the train, eating pizza, you know, getting a Red Box video, walking
through the park, you know, skateboarding. And so we're going to, like the reader, like whatever little boy or girl is going to read this book is going to be able to follow a Baja, my friend and his son of Coney throughout their day and at different kind of interludes, guess how much that activity costs. And on the next page it'll say it'll say something like Baja and his son a Coney love pizza. Can you guess how much a slice of pizza costs? And then the next page
it'll tell you. So it's like a fun way to kind of follow this father and son as they spend time, but then also learned about the cost of things. And some of the things are free, some cost a little bit more, some cost a little less.
So it'll be like a photo book with photos by this guy, not like a cartoon.
Yeah, not like a cartoons. I thought it'd be really dope, you know, to show real life father and son and to get a photographer that is like a legit photographer, because I want to also raise the level of art in kids' lives, you know. So it's like, you know, you're getting this beautiful photography from a world renow photographer, but it's in a kid's book, So your four year old, you know, gets to be elevated in art as well as learn about money and learn that fathers spend time with their kids.
That's nice.
I'm excited.
Thanks for making me feel crappy for my laid back weekend.
Now, I don't know, it's just it's been Do.
You want to hear about Jane's virgin.
I wish but I just been so I have been doing like Porsu ran like the other day, like meanwhile, I've been home. It's not like, you know, I work from home largely. I do have my office now, but it's not like we don't see each other like every twenty minutes. And the end of the day. He looked at me, said, I miss you, and I go que bad because it's like I'm here but not here, and I'm like, okay, I need to get a personal assistant. That's what I decided.
That's why you're aren't you hiring I am.
I just cannot do this alone like I and not like a of course it would be some sort of like budget needs to work involved too, but honestly, I need someone who I'm like, could you please take this to the to the mail for me? You know, could you please plick up my dry cleaning? Can you send out this invoice? So like a mix between like my personal assistant for Tiffany and assistant some assistant stuff for
the budgetista. But I need someone in person in Jersey, like someone you know, who doesn't live far from Newerk, who would work with me basically not full full time, but basically kind of full time. I don't know if it'd be hourly or salary wise, but I've been setting inside the money for it because I told myself I'm not going to go into twenty seventeen without help, because I've just been so overwhelmed because I'm getting the work done,
but it's suffering like home life. I'm like, you know, these babies are not going to make themselves.
It's hard to hire help when you need it, like you know, next level help because you have like virtual assistance and stuff. But I was at a I was got a talk with some female entrepreneurs and someone asked her what was the most difficult part of starting a business, and she was like, knowing when to hire help, like exactly what you're talking.
About, yeah, because you feel kind of like weird, like girl, you don't need somebody to go to the post office for you, exactly. And it's not until like I go and I run errand and then two hours later, I'm like, oh my gosh, I did not do the presentation and the propos I'm supposed to do because I'm out here doing things that you know, I can hire someone to do. And so that's what I you know, I'm not giving
myself any grief over it. I'm hiring and I'm setting aside, you know, money for because it's just it has to be done, because like I said, if it was just me and I was single, I wouldn't need it. But if I'm going to make time for my family, then I have to get help.
Yeah. Oh, I am like ninety seven percent sure we're gonna have to hire like a maid because I can't. I won't do it. I can't. I struggle with it, you know, I uh yeah, I I feel like there's
still a little bit of the expectation. And I do live with my mother in law, my future mother in law, and I do feel like there's still a little bit of an expectation even though you know, we both work for me to chip in a little bit differently, like in different ways, and uh not that you know fiance boo ever sort of you know, has that expectation, like you know, he'd never be like you know, I expect dinner on the table at seven and this and that
and this and that. But you know, there's just things about me that are never gonna change, Like I'm never gonna iron things, I'm never gonna want to make beds or like cleaned a bunch of dishes, like and it's you know, I feel like I sort of at this point when I come home super late, you know, work
really hard. I you know, why make yourself do it if you can, you know, if you worked hard and you can afford to have someone sort of help out, you know, And it's sort of like, you know, I know intellectually that I should be able to get that kind of help. But then on the other side, it's like, well, you know, why can't I just do it all? Like why can't I just handle it, like do the work and then come home and just you know, figure it out. But I don't even have kids yet, and I'm struggling.
Like you should see the room moment right now. It is embarrassing. It's embarrassing.
Well, I was like, so, Superman, you're gonna be upstairs or you're gonna be downstairs. Okay, so if you're gonna be upstairs, don't come down until and I'm just like and even then I came home, I'm like, isee dinner. He's like yeah, I'm like, I mean he's an adult, so you know, he can make food for himself. But I'm finding that he's doing more than his fair shared, and I always feel guilty, always like it's not even
the work that's suffering. I'm just like and I'm always like on pins needles that he's gonna be like, oh, but he never is, which makes me even feel more guilty.
He's nice, I know, but and I are both ad at domestic stuff, so it's like we're like yelling at each other, like why don't you make the bed, why don't you make the bood? Like making beds well suda white, So who's gonna do it?
He's like meat free, so he's always mopping and mopping. I'm like, yo, son, one thing I won't be doing is mopping. I just can't thish is mopping laundry. This is I'm like, oh, super bad. I'm sorry. Why nice? Though?
Nice?
I know, but I'm like how long before He's like, I've had it up to here with you. No, but I'm gonna get it together. And he was like, so if you get a personal assistant, well should be doing laundry for us. I'm like, don't get don't don't get your panties in the bundle. Now that we can hire a service like, you know you can pay people to pick up your laundry from the house.
Yeah, but I mean at that extra time you have on your hands, you can be making money instead of Yeah, time is money.
No, it is, for sure, it's money.
You want to get in some buzzworthies buzz worthy. Everybody's buzz buzz buzzing. So we have to get I guess oh, at the top of the show, I wanted to we wanted to mention something important because we always forget to do call outs at the beginning and to get too excited.
What now, I said, I forgot. I'm glad you remember. I know.
I had a big fat note in the middle of my note saying please say this. So we've been getting a lot of questions from you guys, and a lot of interest in capital D debt. Everybody's got debt. It's that dirty little secret hiding in all of our closets. And we want to sort of create some show specific around types of debt, and we want more and more questions. If you have student loan debt, questions, if you have
questions about relationships and debt, family and debt. You know, we've talked about settling debt before credit debt, all different flavors of debt. We want your questions, and you can go to broad Ambition podcast dot com and submit your questions on the super easy form there and look out for the next couple of months. This is holiday seasons coming up, so this is gonna be very good time how to avoid all that holiday debt and then if you know you slip your trip, you're getting a little
bit of debtor on the holidays. Hopefully it will help you with some tools that can carry you into the new year and get that debt off youelback.
Yep, we're here to help you with the d.
Oh Tiffany, that was the raunchy one. Well, somebody got a ring on her finger. That's funny. That's what I'm gonna call the show. You gonna help you with the d debt?
I know exactly. Gotta makes me put it.
Hey, hey, no, I'm really excited because we get so many questions and our most popular episodes have been where we mentioned debt, and you can never have enough debt shows apparently, So we're listening, we're hearing you. Send us your questions again. You can go to brown Ambition podcast dot com and submit questions there. We read all of them and hopefully you will have your question answered on the show.
Exactly. I got to bring that back. That's the Emmanuel. That's my sister's Susan.
I'm hating that there's no hey, hey hey this week.
I know you know what I mean. I'm gonna bring it out when I feel like it. Don't rush me you, okay.
I want you to feel it when you feel it, want to be forced. I read some I read a really kind of depressing headline. I guess it's not so shocking, but it's one thing when you kind of know it in your mind, but when you read it in print, it's different. But this was a study done by the Brickings Institute, which is a really renowned research research think tank, and they found that they kind of looked at how, like everyone knows, student loan debt is a huge issue.
People graduate with close to thirty thousand dollars in student loan debt on average, but when you break it down by race, it's pretty shocking to see where that disparity gets even bigger when you talk about black students who graduate from college versus white students and how much debt they have. So the Brookings Institute found are you ready? I'm They found that the black white disparity in student
loan debt more than triples triples. After graduation, Black college graduates owe seventy four hundred dollars more on average than their white peers twenty three thousand dollars versus only sixteen thousand dollars. Over the next two years, though that gap
more than triples to opping twenty five thousand dollars. They say the differences are pretty much attributed to accruing interest and the fact that black graduates, Black students in undergrad and graduate school are more likely to take out student loan debt. Okay, there's less household wealth and so there's
less help for college expenses. But that kind of blew my mind because you know, I mean, I write about student loan debt all the time, and you kind of write it as if it's this whole thing kind of impacting everyone, but not the same, not the same. Like so many other issues in personal finance, it gets much
tougher when you look at it along racial lines. Yeah, it just goes to show that people in those communities, like we need to the education is so necessary a lot more for minority borrowers, it seems, even because the debt loads are so huge, and man, when I see numbers like that, like seventy four hundred dollars more may not sound like a lot, but when you say you're paying seven thousand more over twenty five you know year repayment,
that's a lot of interest. It is in the long run that you know, a white graduate is not dealing with and that's eating into your earnings for future.
We should get my my friend Angela, Angela howse She's like the walking student loan.
Encyclopedia every time and where is she at?
Though? So I'm always like, Angela, we get this stuff from this woman. It's like, I'm like, do you just like memorize every scholarship student loan opportunity? And I do? I do have to like, yeah, well, you know, I have the eighty mind of an eight year old, like my memory. But I would love to have her on because that is the thing that one of what makes student loans sometimes a little bit difficult is that the laws and the rules and the grants and the scholarships
are changing constantly. And she keeps uping that she like enjoys it, Like, you know, she started just helping her kids and then her kids friends, and then it grew and then on top of that, you know, she knows how to break it down. And I'm like, oh, so, yeah, I'm gonna we should have her on because she's just I'm always like, Angela, You're like the rain man of student loan that.
Yeah, I'm curious because at the I mean, it's it's i mean, once you have the debt, it's it's the debt, like it's there. It's hard to like get rid of it. It's more just like the education to know how to manage it, you know. And when you think about black African American graduates having more debt than other racial groups, I mean you also have to think about the fact that we tend to earn less than other groups too, So it's like, let lower earnings plus more debt equals
hello how like and rising costs every other area. So it's it's a it's a struggle.
Yeah.
I mean, if you have student loan done questions, maybe we can have angelin for the student loan debt episode.
I would love that, like, send in your student loan debt questions because we you know, we can definitely have on. I know she'd loved it.
Because we've been hearing about her for weeks. I know the people have questions.
So if you really would like for Angela to come on, ask your like, you know, flutter inbox with your questions podcast dot com dot com.
Well we just we just flipped rolls just then.
I know, because you only did you did my dot It's so crazy now because I don't have to remember like our Twitter, our Facebook, our email. Everything is at Brown Ambition podcast dot com.
A utiful new website, freshly signed I love it by the lovely Terry Lee Tarry. Terry Lee Taylor. Sorry, Terry Girl, My bad. You know we haven't discussed though, is uh the dress that broke the internet?
Who?
Michelle, Yes girl, Michelle Obama. Yeah, I was just going to dinner. Yeah, so she thought she would throw on MultiPark number a rose gold chain mail Versace Wait it was Versace right, Versace evening gown just to go to dinner. Basically wearing my dream wedding dress just to go to dinner.
Just done on you.
She couldn't if they had just like gotten on Air Force one and just like left the country like sorry, eight years up by leave, taking a year, taking a month off early. That would have been the perfect moment, just like Mike drop on this presidency because they will never be another first family like this one.
Now ever, ever, ever.
Ever, classy sexy.
Yes, I said it, yes, because first of all, when Schaelle turned around, I said, if you don't give us that bottom, get it to these yams. You see it. This is Chicago bull.
This is from the first time her butt, her dairy, and her assets have been talked about. Remember that what was the photo? She was it essence, where like her butt became.
A meme because it was the shadow, the shadow that her behind cast just put out the sun. For a minute, we were like, hold on, Michelle, we forget that Michelle. Michelle is full fledged African American. All of them, like, you know, like her ancestors are resting in those jams. I said, Okay, I've never heard then called yam.
You never heard them called no damn?
Well that no, I mean the internets have been calling them the games. I'm like, I think that's what it's down. Yeah. So yeah, so she is just I mean, honestly, she's just a beautiful woman, and I just I mean, she's got a beautiful body. Speaking of which, this morning, I woke up and I took a look at my stomach and I said, enough enough, I need to get that Manny. What happened to your voice?
What happened to your trainer? I thought you were seeing a trainer.
I was, and then LIKEE got in the way and your life. I remember this, and then it was like one week happened and then the next week I skip it the next time before I knew it, I just watched her on the Instagram training everybody out, and I'm like.
That awkward X who you kind of like still follow on Instagram, but you hope they don't like know your following.
I know she's like, I'm like, I hope that she's not looking at my pictures, like look look at him, for she done lost all the progress I put on. And so yeah, I call my friend Vodja this morning, who's like super health not and I was like, WATCHA tell me what to eat for breakfast, lunching, dinner, and he did. And so I went to food shopping and I got myself just like together, and I mean, I know what to eat and I just said I can't. So today, actually it was a really good day. I
did not cheat today. I actually enjoyed what I ate, but I did not, you know, do what I know I'm not supposed to do. And so I'm gonna really try to stick to it because I just I don't like looking in the mirror and being like, what what is that?
Till you start wedding dress shopping? My god, I think I put on weight because I've been so depressed because wedding dress shopping has been such a nightmare. Have you heard what I want to say when you mentioned the health thing? Have you heard about the four burners theory?
No?
So the thing is the four burner theory is that in order to be successful, you have to cut off one of your four burners. So the burners are one's family, one's friends, one's health, and one is work. So at any given moment, you kind of have to be juggling and you're always sort of like letting one slide in order to like do well at the other ones. And if you really want to be super successful, you have to cut off two burners. It's hard to have all four burners going strong at one time.
It is it's somebody wrote under my picture because I had posted about like the book I told you all the children's book, and someone was like, Tiffany, and congratulations on your engagement. You are just proved you can have it all.
And I look behind me, lying who listen to the podcast, I'm like, girl, go people buy these pictures are on social media that I think Oprah said you can have it all, but not at the same time, and that's exactly how I feel, like, girl today, this is something good, but know.
That you know, although I'm definitely grateful and I'm happy, I can honestly say I'm genuinely happy, but I also live in a perpetual state of overwhelmed. Like if you like on the I was maybe we were talking about earlier that I have a fertilez What is it called, like I'm trying to get regulation. Yeah, it's an ovulation app. And every day I have to put in like you know, how much I weigh? What did I eat? And then
always ask how do you feel? And I'm like, let's go go, go right ahead to overwhelmed everything every single day, because I mean, you could choose that it might even like it even asked you feel in love to you, and I'm like, yeah, I feel happy in love. Where's overwhelmed? So there's no I don't know that. You know, I'm not saying that you can't have it and what does even having it all mean? But just know that don't be fooled by the Instagram pics. I mean, I I'm overwhelmed, Like.
Why don't you post a picture of that that screenshot of that app? Then vulating and I'm overwhelmed people hashtag fertilization, hashtag motherhood, hashtag.
I love the app. It's free. It's called oh v ohv I a fertility and I love this app. And so if you're looking for free like you know, ovulation app, and I highly record, well.
Since you're clearly telling the people that you're trying right now, people have fertilized fertility tips, do you want some fertility tips?
I honestly I would really love that. Like you know, now that I'm engaged and stuff about that have a husband, you cannot judge me about purposely trying to get pregnant. But yes, I would love some fertility So I'm thirty seven. Just so we're like, you know, we're all on the same age I'm a little older than your average bear. I don't drink, I don't smoke. I am eating better. I mean I was never a crazy terrible eater. I'm not like overweight. I mean I'm a little sick and
I got up the Michelle Obama yams. But my natural frame is like really kind of like on the slimmer side. But yeah, so if you have any tips and tricks and.
Whatever that's for acupuncture work, let me just throw my two cents in my my birth controlling non baby having mom's two cents. I did some giggling.
I can't sure more children. Everybody else, girl by, tell me what have been those be with our kids? Trying to give me what you need to do is now I need somebody who has clearly is working.
You're just depressing though. My cousin's thirty five and they say that over What is the age is it where you're your there's there's a cutoff. It's like mid thirties where they call you a geriatric pregnancy. What Yeah, yeah, I kidding, I'm sorry, Yeah it's true. She was like thirty five. She's like, yeah, this is considered a geriatric pregnancy.
I mean whatever, man like I feel like, you know, like I've been reasonably healthy my whole life, like I don't know, suffer from any major illnesses like diabetes.
Look at Janet, That's all I'm gonna say. Look at Janet.
I know, but clearly Janet hired all the doctors, are you.
I think it's funny how every celebrity who's like over forty has twins and they never talk about having it having.
Clearly.
Clearly celebrities just have twins, no exactly.
And so that's why I mean, I told myself, you know, we're gonna try naturally for like, you know, six months or whatever, and then if it seems like it's not really like you know, half it six to eight months, and that's the road that I'm willing to go down. So you if you, if you had to VICHA, I love to hear your you know your feelings. I mean, I haven't. I'm not even gonna lie. I need to like go to my doctor and to be like, so
is this even possible? Could you just look at my body and just let me know.
Have you not been to the doctor yet? So no, I have We can't be soliciting brown ambition listeners when you haven't been to your own doctor yet. Get thee to the doctor.
No, mean, well, I'm like I need to go for that's what.
You're like going all in. So here's my way. Here's my blood tide. You can just skip the skip the brown ambition. Here's my email address. Girl, your friend speaking, go to the doctor.
Yes, I'm going to go to the doctor and my.
Annual I need my annual checkup too. For the guy. Now, I need a book that yeah, yeah, they should give out lollipops. I feel like because it's awful. Yeah, a lot, but I hate the experience of going.
Yeah, I mean I remember that I had one guy in a college I actually kind of like that. I didn't feel weird and odin know he was a dude, which you.
Wouldn't think that you a man guy.
Yeah, well it was weird, Like it wasn't he was so I don't know, like his demeanor was just he had the best bedside manner. So it didn't feel awkward, like here's this guy down there, Like he was very professional and he was my favorite, like I've had I had only women, but a friend of mine was like, Tiffany, he's amazing. You have to he was an older guy, and I did and he was great.
Honestly, Oh so do you still is he still your doctor?
Well, like just last year, I finally got official insurance, so we'll see set that in.
Let me be yeah, let me be the the the what do you call it? Not the bearer of bad news. I was the guinea pig. Yeah, check your insurance first.
I know. That's why I'm just like, I don't even know if he's still on me. I mean, I've had like my regular checkup, but I have to go see my guy. Now. I know. You got to get a lot of TM.
That's what they came for. It is a real life situation, okay, because.
You know in six months when I'm like, see you guys followed me through the journey to the ring. Now yay, we're all here. Now we're gonna go through the journey to you know, I don't know how this whole wedding thing is gonna happen. And I'm like, let's just go to Jesse with the piece, but follow me to the journey for the baby, because honestly, the wedding part I'd rather we're actually he's looking to buy a house. Uh
A four family or three family house. I'm like, well, let's put the wedding money toward that instead.
You know, yeah, that'd be smart.
Yeah, because you're a spring chicken, so you know you can do all the whole big wedding thing. I just don't really want it.
I'm like, I don't think that gives me an excuse. It's still fills really stupid. Really like everything kind of just feels dumb, but then it also kind of feels fun, and then it's just like conflicting. I'm like, this is stupid, but I want it. This is stupid, but it'd be fun. But this is like, come on, you can buy a house. I don't know what. I want to have chicken and waffles as an appetizer, though it's crazy. I really just want mini chicken and waffles because everything else just sounds
the lame. And then you gotta have the you gotta get the trolleys. I mean, we're having a Savanna wedding. You gotta get a trolley to take everyone to the venue. It's only one hundred and seventy five dollars an hour. I'm going insane. It's it's like a slippery slope. But the good thing. You know that I've said along, I've been saving for this for many years. It is not like we're not going to be in debt for this wedding.
And part of me just kind of feels like, let's just give us the let's just have a nice I'm not gonna I sound crazy because it's like you have these like back and forth in your mind, like like you can't be doing this, but you're only gonna have your family together like this once, so you gotta go bigger bo, go home. But come on, it's just a wedding, but you're bringing them out of Georgia. You gotta give them a party, like no one even drinks that month.
But if you don't get an open bar, we wanted to talk about you on your back afterward.
Yeah, they will like this. The other day, Superman was like, man, we got to go to my friend's winning. It's a cash bar. We were both like snickering, like cash.
Bar, see my bag. Rude, you have too many burners on right now, your fifth blowners your cell phone. That's true though, I went to a wedding. Well, I went to a wedding recently and it was four hours. Wait for yeah, four hours open bar, but then it turned to cash bar after night. I thought that was fine because honestly, you don't people drinking for five hours anyway just get sloppy.
Yeah, yeah it does, and you just don't want people fighting.
I know, weddings in New York. Bless your hearts. I'm so whid We're getting married in Georgia. Okay, well, sorry ours our highly personal buzzworthy. I'm sorry, not sorry, not sorry. All right, let's move on to boost in and breaking.
All right, do you want.
To go first?
Yes? This week, I would like.
To make a lot of noise.
Yeah, no, that is super man. I'm like, what are you jumping on the bed?
Lord?
Is he?
Okay?
But go upstairs and be quiet. So this this week I would like to boost and I would like to boost the black flobers just because it was so nice like this weekend, it was like a love fest of going to uh because we didn't just take pictures of black friend Baja and his son. We did like seven other fathers and it was just so interesting and beautiful to see each father interact with his own child differently.
So we went to each father's either home or place where they liked to hang out with their kid, and like kids were as young as one years old up to ten, and so it was just so awesome to see, like, you know, especially once they forgot that the camera is there. Like one father, he and his son have this whole routine.
They watch football on Sundays and they put on their jerseys and they throw the football around the living room and mom makes like you know, like whatever, fun food and just to see them talking and it was so weird, because not weird, but it was so awesome because his father used fantasy football to teach his son. His father's an engineer, to teach his son next level mask and so it was just yeah, so it was just awesome. And then to see my best friend Drina and then
her son, who my god son. His son is like one and like her dreams or her son Gabe. His father Keith is like super cool and chill, you know,
like he's one of these like cool cats. And just to see like, uh them put on like I don't know, like some dance music for Gabe and gave to be dancing and like Keith like indulging him, like you know, like because normally he's like yeah, you know, I'm just so here cool, and he was like shaking his booty's like come on, dad, you know and one but it was just honestly, it was just beautiful to see and
I'm glad I got to capture it. And so I just want to give a boost to brown and black fathers and their love for their children and how they expressed it uniquely but equally beautifully.
I need to call my dad now. I haven't talked to him in a week. I'm terrible. He probably like, I needn't take a brown break from an ungrateful daughter who never calls me. But I send him bit moojis. He loves them. He loves a bit moji. Plus it saves time, so many emotions one picture. It's terrible. I have a lot of burners, okay, but that Moji helps.
What are you doing? You break it? You boosted? I was.
I think I'm gonna do a break because I just bought my holiday plane tickets and I just feel like the airlines just take advantage of people who want to spend Christmas with their mothers in Wisconsin. Okay I can't. And I think also it's like the cost they don't no one tells you like, so when you're in a relationship, you're paying for two all of a sudden, like because your money is being mingled, and like you're picking up
a lot of stuff. The way our budget's working now is you know, I'm picking up a lot of stuff, and I'm like, everything is double. It's like nine hundred dollars for tickets home for Christmas.
Oof.
But then I just tell myself, you know, I struggle with the cost. But then I tell myself, like last Christmas when I didn't go home, I was miserable. I remember miserable, like so depressed. Oh yeah, I think I had some sad podcast episodes. So I just like, it's the it's the happiness, it's the experience. You need to go. I need to be with my mother. I'm not a happy camper without her at the holiday time. So it's money well spent. But it hurts. It hurts. The pain
is real. But this is also a public service announcement. If you've been putting off your holiday travel the next couple of weeks, it's the time to do it. With the holidays, you typically want to buy your tickets eight to six weeks out. We're all sales prices go up by huge amounts.
Ticket to New Orleans from speaking in December, and I was like, it was actually pretty decent. I think I paid two fifty. But for Christmas, No, it's like December fifth.
Okay, that's not helpful. I mean it's expensive. I went home on December fourteenth.
We're going to do Yeah.
I went home last year for my sister's wedding in October. It was two fifty. I can't believe it. Tickets are like, we're over four hundred. Do you know what got me? Though? Here's the thing, So here's a little thing about buying two tickets at once. So originally, when I was looking for prices, I was looking for one passenger and I found a flight for like I think it was three point thirty for the flight that I needed, and I
was like, oh, I forgot to put two passengers. As soon as they changed it to two, the ticket price went up and I couldn't Yeah, I couldn't figure out why. Like when I put it when I had two passengers selected, the little error message was like one seat remaining, and I was like, what is happening? And I was worried that there was only one seat left from this flight. No, there's only one seat left at the affordable price point.
Oh.
For some reason, it's like they have different tiers of prices. So as soon as I had two people, we were bumped up to the next level and it was like almost four hundred dollars, and then it definitely was over four hundred when you factor in taxis, and then I bought. I kicked in twelve dollars for the comfortable seats because it's a long flight and you know, honey Booboo has long legs, so I get in the aisle seat. Yeah,
it's always nickel and diming. It drives me nuts. So yeah, all and it was like nine hundred bucks.
Dang. I maybe you were like, oh my gosh.
So yeah, this year, I'm like, Dad, you gotta you come see me after New Year's cause it's hard to I feel for anyone out there who has parents who are divorced and live in different states, because you know, I used to. I tried for a couple of years when my mom moved to Wisconsin to uh do the whole you know, first off fly to Wisconsin, and then if fly back to Atlanta, and then off fly to New York and it's just it's way too much, not
just financially, but just you know, mentally. So and now I have a third family with a.
Hey know they you know that's one thing. I'm like, you know, my his family and my family, they just twenty minutes apart. Most of us live in New Jersey. So it's like, well then I drive too much for then we drive to Newark.
That sounds nice. So yeah, it's so easy, Oh my god, and like so.
Yeah, that's it to It'll be interesting though this year, like how we're gonna do it, like, because this will be the year where it's like, you know, usually I'm like, well, i'll see you later, you know, like I will say this. He spent like maybe like an hour or so with Thanksgiving with my family and then went to go with his family and then I met him there there later. But it'll be interesting. That's just like official, like, so what are we doing for the holidays? Like? Am I
making Thanksgiving dinner? You know who? I don't know.
It's like you have to create a new sort of family schedule or I don't know, like a family dynamic around the holiday as you get older.
Yeah, so that'll be. I mean, I kind of feel like I don't want to make Thanksgiving there until we actually get like our house.
Yeah, I don't know where we're going for Thanksgiving. That's not a hint. I'm just saying out loud.
No, Like I'm just I don't know either, Like I well, usually my parents are like, hey, my mom will just spend like a little backsick in a while. Okay, we're spending Thanksgiving. We like, we rotate aunts and uncle's houses. So we're spending Thanksgiving and such and such. Child, we're spending you know, and it might be our time this year, or it might be another aunt. I think last year is my sister's house. Caw, that was really nice.
That's nice, but you used to do that mm hmm. This is the Yeah, Thanksgiving is my favorite, one of my favorite holidays.
Yeah, I mean too actually because it's honestly it's one of the few times that we well we get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I feel like it's just about the food. That's why I like it so much. There's no presence or like anything. It's just the food, like just let's have like, let's have no qualms or be you know about what we're here for everyone's here for the food to get as full as they possibly can and to sit around and digest.
Yes, and just like I actually dressed for the food. Do you do that for Thanksgiving?
Oh? Yeah, don't wear tight tights?
Nope. I'm like, oh, so what can I wear that's gonna allow my stomach to fully No jeans? No jeans, I got that's the work gee, especially with a belt.
No, no, no, If anything were stretchy jeggings, I might wear some jeggings.
Or like a really like a big sweater to cover the whole, you know, shame of the pregnant like looking belly, or yeah, like a shift kind of dress, like you know when those dress you could just throw on. It's really lose, that's true.
But if it's cool, you gotta wear tights with that though.
That's true.
You gotta strategize. These are the I have the same conversations in my head and that's funny. But can I eat? But can I like eat in this dress? I look good, but can I eat it.
Pushed through? Or am I gonna be like I hate that fake sucking thing that you have to do sometimes where you're like, well, in my family I don't. I wouldn't, but like if I were a dress someplace, then I know it's gonna be good food. I'm like, wait, but after I'm gonna have to like hold it the whole time I speak the strangers so they're not like, what the hell is she bright? Now, I'm just chunky.
Happening is a month away. I can't believe it all right, So yeah, I gotta get I got I got to get to my fitness grind.
Yeah. But like you know, like my relaxing on the floor, yeo, I'm like, you ain't. You ain't go a little muscle out here. I don't know why I'm gon today.
I have been to two I won. This is kind of embarrassing, but I did go to a wedding conference. I'm just gonna call it that. It was a conference. I won some tickets quote unquote to a New York magazine wedding salon more like a conference last last winter. And I at this at the thing. I want to raffle for these pure bar classes. If you heard a purebar, it's that really trendy like class where it's like ballet,
but it's really frickin' hard. You want to kill yourself and everyone there is like a size negative zero and they're different shades of blonde, and I had some preconceived notions. I've been kind of like fearing going to this pure bar like cause it's it's like it's like flywheel or what are like the really the cult exercises. Everyone is like obsessed with it, and it's really expensive. It's like forty dollars a class, so it already tells you, like
what kind of people are going there. So it's like, anyway, I had all these kind of stereotypes for who I was going to run into, and yes, they were there, the Becky's were there, but you know it wasn't. I mean, the class itself was hord Like I my butt has been in so many different types of spasms since the two classes I went to. It's incredible what you can do with like a little tiny rubber ball and like a ballet bar. It's it's it's ridiculous.
That sounds crew.
Oh it hurts, Like do you think you have upper body I mean lower body strength? Nope, no, no, no, but yeah. I went to two classes and then I started going to zoomba in my building at the office trying to get back in it, but yeah, it's hard. It's I almost feel like now that it's winter, it gets even tougher because no one wants to leave the house to be active in the winter.
Yeah nobody, I mean yeah. So, like I totally canceled my ship membership. So I was like, honestly, you have not been in here in months on months and months and months, like at least six months, So what are we doing expending this twenty bucks a month?
That's the trap. But I feel like I was only twenty now that's not so bad.
Yeah, but still twenty dollars of using like not using it, So what am I doing?
That's true, it's almost not enough to make you want to go, Like, it's only twenty dollars, so it's.
You know, that's a really smart marketing policy, though they're like they know eighty percent of people like I. For like, I think Christmas last year, I bought a gym membership for me. I got like the premium at twenty bucks, and I got one for Superman. His was ten bucks and he literally's gone once was.
Playing that fitness yes, And I was really heard to cancel notoriously.
Really I hate you what I cancel? All they said was you want to cancel? You know, where's your I had to send show them my my license and that was it.
You're kidding. My friend had to send a letter to their headquarters in Arizona or something.
Oh they they and then today he just canceled his I was like, bait, go cancel. I'm paying ten bucks a months for nothing. It's ten bucks a buncks. But you never go. So he went and he same thing. They easily let him cancel. Wow. I had heard that too, but they didn't give me any trouble. And I just looked I was in charge.
So maybe it's like a per Maybe every it's kind of like a franchise, right, so every like location is a little bit different. That's good.
Yeah, yeah, that's true. And plus i'd heard when I signed up. I remember asking, you know what, how do you cancel? Because I did hear some people say you have to set a letter, And in my contract it says that you don't. You really have to come in and make your request and then thirty days later or something like that it goes for or something to that effect. Good to know, all right, any questions, hey, listeners, yes.
Can you set that up a little better though, so I could edit it.
So we are coming to the question portion of the Brown Ambition Podcast. So if you have questions from Mandy and myself, please ask them at Brown Ambition podcast dot com. You can tweet us there, you can message us there, you can listen some more. But we'd love your questions. So, do we have any awesome, juicy questions today, Mandy?
We do. This is a career quest es. It's I feel this woman's pay on a cute level. I've been there before. Let's just call her D. So D says, I listen to you guys every Tuesday, and it's been like hanging with girlfriends. All Hey, D, you're our girlfriend too. And then it goes downhill from there. Jesus, She says, I have recently changed jobs and now work for a company that is very stable. Many of the people have
been there for over twenty years. I work in finance. However, I work for a boss now that is so dismissive. I can never ask her anything without her saying I don't know what you're talking about or where are you going with this? It is so dismissive. She's a type of person who has to determine if a person's on her level intellectually in order for her to think that person has value. I've worked in finance for over twenty years. However, I'm at a job now that I am truly miserable.
It is an environment where everyone has an office and most of the time they sit in their office with the door closed. I'm used to a lot of interaction. I'm miserable. She says, I'm miserable three more times. Although this is a good company to work for at age forty eight, I hate to think that this is my last job. I lost a job and I was out of work for the first time for a while before I found this one. I'm grateful, However, I'm not happy.
I hate the work that I'm doing, and there are a total of three black people in this corporate office. What advice would you give me, d ah dug. Before the advice, I give you a big fatglass of wine. D Cabernet sangnon.
So one, you are a young woman still forty eight to stay someplace and be like, oh, I'm just gonna work here, so the end that does not have to be so. Although I can see why you'd be afraid because it took you a long time to find this job, But it doesn't mean that you can't find another. I'm not suggesting that you quit, you know, and then look for a job, but I am suggested that you look for another job.
Yeah, I mean, you have the benefit at this point of having a job while you look for a job, So I would take advantage of that. Sure, And sometimes it can give you like a little bit of bulliancy to know that you're looking and that something else good might be around the corner, to kind of give you that little bit extra, like help you deal with the bs at the office a little bit better than maybe you would if there wasn't anything else coming around the corner potentially.
Yeah, yeah, no since here, So I'll give them to gavel. So one of my sisters, like my real life blood sister, she would have written that email to me like two years ago. I mean, she was miserable. Her boss was dismissive, her boss was like kind of like a bully. She was miserable. I mean she I don't think I've ever seen her cry as a kid, And all of a sudden, she's calling me on the phone crying I'm like, who is this person. She's not the emotion like I'm the
emotional one, not her at all. So for her to cry was like a big deal. It was to the point where, like she was, she was having anxiety attacks and she never had anxiety attacks. Her hand would shake when she was at the computer. I mean, it was really bad and she was so unhappy. And it took me a year of coaching her to leave because it was the only job. It was her first job out of college. She had been there for, like, I don't know, over ten years, and she was just like, I thought
this was going to be like my forever job. But I'm like, but it's making you sick, it's making you miserable. She's like, but I don't know how to do anything else. So she was afraid.
Ten years is a long time.
It is, you know, especially especially that's your only real professional job.
Experience, you know, miserable the whole time.
Well, no, she wasn't miserable the whole time. She was miserable because she I guess in corporate America they have groups, you know, like I'm not super familiar with I've never worked in corporate America. But she was with one group, like sometimes there's companies within the company. So she was with one side before and then they moved her to another group and she didn't even want to move. And I remember her asking me there, She's like, they wanted to move me to this new group. I don't want
to go. I said, we'll say no. She's like, you really don't kind of say no to this kind of switch. I said, well, it's it's it a like upward move backward move. She's like, it's a lateral move. So they moved her, and she was miserable for about probably like two years, i'd say. So she ended up having to like really just leave, and she had money saved and like, you know, un aployment coming, and I'm not suggesting that for you, but it had gotten really really bad for her,
and so and so she left. And she always, always, always, she's the one who buys, like all my budget needs to clothes for me, like shots for them, because she's always super well dropped. I'm like such a slob and I'm like such a conboy. But if you like, have you ever see me like all dressed up looking all sharp and stuff, it's because she picked out and was like, buy this now. So she always wanted to be a buyer, and so now she worked for a large, well known
clothing company and she's a buyer. She's like a junior her buyer. So even though she does she doesn't even make I don't think half of what she made before. You know, even when she complains about it, I'm like, remember how you thought about this time last year. She's like, honestly, I don't even know how She's like. She would literally start shaking Sunday evening because she knew Monday I have to go to work.
And she took a pay cut.
Damn.
That happens sometimes, yep.
But she's working her way up and she's enjoying herself and she, you know, because she was living fancy before. She was like, you know, massage is this thing, and manicures here and this and that, and she had to cut some of that back, but in the end it was worth it to her. So she can make a move, and you know, before long, she's slowly but surely. She just had two really great interviews the next level coming and they love her at her new job because she
loves her new job. So I say to say all that to say is that I'm not saying quit your job, but I am saying look for another one, because it does not make sense to be miserable at work. Your health might start to be effected.
We don't want that plan your exit strategy exactly. It's kind of like think of it as if a girlfriend of yours were telling you that her boyfriend was dismissive and he treated her bad and didn't want to hear what she had to say and didn't think it, treated her like she was intellectually not on his level, and you know, made her do all the housework all day and kept the door shut and ignored her when she was there, like you would tell her to get out, right.
It's almost a similar like abusive relationship. I mean on the lesser level, Like I've had issues with managers at jobs where I have gone to them and told them, like spoken up about the way. You know. There's there was one manager I had who was like textbook micromanaging, like to the point where I, like, my schedule was planned for every fifteen minutes. I had to tell her to know where I was going when I was writing when it was due. It was way too much and I had to tell her and had to tell her
bosses that it was really it was too much. It was too much pressure. It was you know, or I was being less productive, it was distracting, it was you know, and insulting on some level because I was experienced and I voiced my opinions. And after a while, you know, that manager was asked to leave and it worked out in the end, I guess in that way. Doesn't always happen that way, especially when it's coming from the top level.
Like I feel like top level people are setting that tone, like the keeping the office doors closed and not really talking. Like if it's that ingrained in the culture, then it's probably likely that you know, filing a you know, talking to HR, talking to your manager may not work, but it can be effective in some cases.
You should at least do it. Because she, my sister spoke to the HR manager and they kind of pull her to the side and they're like, we know you should, like like off the record, you know, you should leave basically because she's she's gearing up the fire. She's been like putting stuff in to like you know, lord, yeah, to build a case against you. Like that was like off the record, hate girlfriend, Hey, from the HR. She
was like, well, how is this allowed? But I told her and sometimes I say this is that I told her? Why are you fighting to stay in this abusive relationship?
Yeah?
You know, like I get it. What she's doing is not right and it's not fair, But why are you fighting to stay here? Like it's like even if you win and you're like, hey, you can't fire me, you can continue to abuse me on the job though, and so yeah, so don't you don't have to fight to stay someplace where you're feeling happy. Definitely speak to HR and C. But if in general you just don't even like the work that you're doing, then it's time to look for another position. All so you can be.
Happy and again you get to do it while you have a job. That's a nice place to be in, nicer than you know, being unemployed, and you're desperate, So hopefully start working your connects. Start with maybe networking. You say you work in finance. Finance is a pretty people are always moving on in finance. I feel like, so there may be you know, ask friends, like, reach out to people, let them know that you're looking. You never
know it's out there. Raise a hand, let people know that you're on the look and me something will come your way. Good lucky, keep us up and get some wine, just a little bit of wine. I feel so much. Oh man, all right, we have reached the end of another show.
We have and I had fuzzy me too.
We're silly tonight, super silly. Did you have some wine?
No? I did not.
I know, because I think I'm just naturally, you know, naturally giddy. I like to think I bring that out in you and myself.
Yeah.
God, that was a little trumpy. That was a little trumpy of me, wasn't it.
You know, guys, you're wrong. You're like, well, mister Trump, that's not a question.
Beautiful day because of me. I'm in a great mood, I know, because it's I'm here. That's my Trump expression impression, A pretty good one. Oh you're happy. I'm happy. Everyone's happy. Uh So let's leave on a on a high note. What are what's your win for the week?
You go first.
I'm gonna do the win for hashtag nasty women because I love I love how people have turned what Voldemort hath wrought and had said about Queen Hillary during the debate. He called her a nasty woman, and everyone has taken it and turned it right back. The phrase I heard today was that we have weaponized it against him, and I love it so much. Am I my bestie? Who
doesn't know that she's my bestie? Elizabeth Warren, Lizzie I call her, did a speech today where she just like she's like, nasty women vote, nasty women pay the bills, Nasty women get things done. And I was like, yes, go ahead, Lizzie Warren. Where's miss Janet getting a I feel like Janet should be getting like a little uh, what do you call it? Kickbacks? I'm always mentioned the
nasty but I just love it. I feel like it's it feels like we're reaching a crescendo where women are becoming like a focal point of the election and everyone's talking about women and women are just getting excited about voting and it's going to be the first female president potentially, and it's kind of like the finish line is coming, it's almost over. We just got to hang in there, and uh, yeah, I'm excited that that nasty woman has come out of that awful awfulness.
Yeah. I just thought it was hilarious where they put her face on Janna Jackson's body.
Did they I was waiting for someone to talk about jan didn't see that?
Oh my god, they did, and I was waiting for a Janet meme. Well, I want to give a win for the Hidden Figures movie with Jel. Do we do that? Oh?
Is that coming?
You know?
This has been the blackest year in cinema? Can I just say that? Because there's like hidden finger Hidden Figures. Yeah, we talked about that before. That's the the Astronauts.
Right, yeah, American women who helped NASA launch their first successful space mission. But I just want to say a win because it's out now. Oh no, that's a release in January. My bad. But still like the poster looks amazing and it's Tarashi p Henson, Janelmne and Octavia Spencer. I just think it's such a win because, you know,
it's a win for me. It's because it's not not Although I have nothing against entertainers and singers and all that kind of stuff, it's nice to have this movie about, you know, women who are smart outside of just like you know, their bodies or their voices or you know, really just their minds.
And yeah, so I can't wait to see it.
Yeah, I think that's a huge win. All I do.
Real quick, I wanted to say, because if you're talking about black movies, the reason I was like, it's the blackest, the blackest year ever. So Birth of Nation's been out. I know controversy will skip that over. But I went to a screening of the movie called Loving, a couple of I guess a few weeks back. Loving's out November fourth, so just a week or two away. Loving is the story, the real life story of Loving versus oh crap is in Virginia. I believe it's It's a famous Supreme Court case.
It's the reason I am who I am because it it legalized interracial marriage in the US. The Supreme Court declared it unconstitutional to make a couple, you know, uh, in prison, a couple who were interracial for loving each other. So that's coming out. And I saw the movie. It was really good. It was people were giving a little bit of flak because the actress who played the woman who's black was Ethiopian and British or something like that, and I was like, come on, like it's fine, come on,
they're telling a story. Come on. And on top of that, I saw another movie Moonlight, who's starring Jennel Money again. Geneal Money is like in the movies right now. Moonlight is just storry about a young black boy who's gay and he's he's like taken under the wing of a local drug dealer, Okay, and it's getting like amazing reviews,
like Oscar reviews. So those are two good films. And then there's Abra du Rene's movie on Netflix, the documentary called The Thirteenth Yes, which is about which I watched. It's really I mean it's it's kind of depressing, but it's also really good. I mean, it's not like it's it's not brand new information, but it's like information everyone
should be reminded of. It's it's basically talking about the incarceration system in America and kind of the history of how we got such overcrowded prisons and so many African American families ripped apart. But like a really well done one that you can tell was done by somebody who like takes it seriously. I'm here, Yeah, I'm like loving all the cinema happening right now. Yeah, it's a very black year twenty sixteen man, Yes, a very.
Very black, like just year for TV movie all that kind of stuff.
We didn't even talk about TV yet. Insecure I'm obsessed.
With I was gonna say, I'm boosting that even though I have not seen it. I heard it's hilarious.
It's it's a good stuff. It's only half an hour too, so I mean it's like twenty something minutes. It's it's good times. And one thing I haven't watched so much of is Queen Sugar because it's an hour and it's hard to find hours to watch the show.
I'm not even gonna lie I have not watched. I just don't even have the time. I'm like, one, do I know, you know, because I'm like wonder people, how so what is this thing called TV?
So you can have your personal assistant like watch it but then give you let the clips recap.
That would be awesome. I used to do that, like an ex wayfit of line. He used to like at work, like he was like, you know, because I would always watch like all like the shows and stuff when I
was a teacher. I had plenty of that, and then I would talk to him about it, like I like made dinner and stuff, and he thought it was foolish until like they talked about it at work and he would like share what I said, and he would come back and be like, so tell me more stuff because I find at work, and I'd be like, oh, okay, so how will that you totally love? I thought that was hilarious.
That's funny. Well, I'll let you know what happens on insecure. Okay, it's good stuff, all right, another show in the bag. If you're still listening, bless you, and you can send your questions for our upcoming debt series. You can go to Brian Ambition podcast dot com.
Yes and we will chat with you next week.
Until next week, good night night,