And we're back. We're back, We're back, We're back. Hey Mandy, how are you?
Hey, mis Tiffany.
We are doing a very special midweek recording of Brown Ambition.
But we both have something in common. We've got something in comment. I heard you won an award. Well, I saw the picture. First of all. Let me say that your hair was everything and that dress was really cute.
Oh, thank you very much, Hey TJ Max thirteen.
I was like, oh my good Mandy Snatch.
Thank you. You know it's funny, so thank you so much. Yes, I was awarded by the National Association of Black Journalists in New York for Best Online Investigative.
Story for a story I wrote last year.
About students who were cheated by the Corinthian College Corinthian College for Profit scandal, so really exciting. That story took me like probably two months, and I thought I many times like drank myself into a stupor because I was so stressed at it was a hard story. But it's really nice a year later to get that recognition, especially from NABJ, because they've been my faan for a decade. Ever since I set foot on my college campus. I went straight to NABJ as signed Up.
Started out as a treasurer work my way Up.
I was president by my junior year, and it's such an amazing professional organization, really supportive of more inclusiveness and media and it couldn't be more important what NABJ does than times like now with what's happening in the news. So it was a really nice night. And thank you for mentioning my hair. Because guess who I ran into.
Oh Miss Jesse herself. Well not Miss Jesse herself, the founder of Miss Jesse, Miko Branch was there because she was sponsoring the goodie bag, So you know I had a couple goodie bags with her.
I'm gonna say, you know what, these days, I don't know what put on my locks, but that's awfo. I'm gonna tell you Miss Jessee story later.
Oh okay, she handed me.
Of course, she's you know, you know, black women, we are all about the branding. She literally pulled a book out of her purse and was like.
Here's my latest book.
I can't but I can't because that is so me. I'd be like, so you want to buy the bracelet or nah? She was.
She was really sweet.
I met her through her her one of her sort of publicists. His name is Patrick, and he's just like, oh, I mean, Patrick's one of these characters who you just feel like you want them to tell you stories all day long. He hosts like a karaoke night in Harlem like every weekend. He's just he's just one of those people who knows everybody. So thank you, Patrick, if you're listening, for introducing us to miss Miko Branch and we might try and get her on the show.
It may or may not be happening, but yeah, it was.
It was lucky that my hair looked okay because there she was in the flesh right.
It's like dentists. I'm like, I'm not looking at your teeth, they are looking at your teeth.
I have to tell you though.
I started reading her book and then I tried her products from the goodie bag last night in my hair. And I have tried every like all of the shelf products except for like miss Jessie' because she tends to be more expensive.
So I get the Shay and the Carol's Daughter and what else. Have I tried everything, but I haven't tried miss Jessee stuff. I love it.
I don't know what I can't.
Tell you what it's called. It's some kind of curling meringue.
It all sounds like dessert, but it was, yeah, like I put it in my curls, and you know, I'm like, I'm two years into this transition and I'm struggling to get Some parts of my hair want to be curly and some parts are like you've been beating us with a flat iron for thirty years, so we are gonna stay straight.
And yeah, like it really defined all my curls.
So here's an unofficial plug for whatever Miss Jelli miss Jessie is selling, because uh, it's good stuff.
So I have my own wind. This week, I too, was honored by some brown folks, the National Association of Black Accountants NABA hey neba. So it was really dope because my dad is an accountant, and you know, I teach money stuff. So they gave me the Entrepreneur Award, New Jersey's Finest Entrepreneur. I don't know about all that, but I'll take it.
In what context?
Do they mean?
Fine?
No?
Just me look like fine?
It's such an interesting.
Description for an award.
It is, and I thought that was weird. I mean, no, no shape, nap I'm totally excited. But I did was like, I mean, al, I'll take it. The got to celebrate themselves.
You gotta put that on your brand now in New Jersey's finest I know, no, but.
Really the award was for they're looking for small businesses that you know, not only make a profit, but that are shifting and changing the community for better. So I was like, oh, that's me, that's me. So it was really great because it was just a room. It was a Newark where I lived, so that was really nice. And my sister came, so that was really nice as well. I invited her because you know, Superman is tired of going to these awards where he just sits and says, oh, hi, yeah,
I'm Superman, so so she came. So honestly, it was a really nice night and she dressed me as per usual.
She's like, beautiful, I love that dress.
Thank you, JC Panny, Honey. I think it was like twenty bucks who jaz Benny. Yes, I know, and honestly, I was no shade JC Penny, but let's be real, you were not really known for being fashionable. But she took me to buy clothes like earlier in the summer and we saw this dress and she's like, you should get it, and I was like, but I don't have any place to wear it. She said, A place will appear, And so I'm glad I bought it because yesterday I
didn't know what I was gonna wear. And I looked into my closet and there was with a tax till on it, and so there I was twenty dollars fly em.
That's like, that's the universe at work right there. Yeah, don't don't use that if you're budgeting. Don't use that excuse for everything. If I buy this, buy it, If I buy this boat, the money to pay for it will appear.
Yeah, No, it was. It was a really great night. So yeah, so to look at us two awards, nice.
To be recognized, and I was, were you did you have to give a little speech when you won?
I did, and so like I just I just talked about how an accountain changed my life my father, and how what they're doing matters, and how it changes the lives of people who are around them, and you just never know who you're going to touch and who they're going to touch. As a result, leave.
It to you to make accounting and make me want to tear up.
You. I was good. I was like, you can't get at this stuff. I was like you.
Now, yeah, I didn't realize I wasn't have to give a speech and they were honoring so many amazing journalists. Raheema Ellis from NBC won the Lifetime Achievement Award that night. She's one of those reporters and anchors who you see all the time, but she's like the like the backbone of some of those NBC News reports and like on her. They did a really nice package for her and NBC produced and they had Lester Hold Tom Brokaw talking about Raheema Ellison.
Wow.
What was crazy though?
When when she got up to the stage she was accepting a Lifetime Achievement of ward. This woman looks like she is thirty two maybe maybe thirty two, maybe thirty five, like a very wise thirty five. It's just so she looks so beautiful, so young, and she was like, just so you know, I'm not done yet.
It was it was a really nice speech. It was hard to follow.
It was so there was a woman there who was being honored. I said, only black women. Her name is Natasha. Was it Rogers, so her bio read like one. Natasha Rogers is a engineer, lawyer, has her NBA worked at Goldman's Facts. Mandy, I was like, it's almost like four people in one and she's thirty five years old, and
I'm looking at her like, how houseway? How do you MEI was born and raised in the projects of Newark, and I was and I asked her how she was like, honestly, I was singularly focused on not being broken.
Hmm.
The first the first in her in her family to go to college. And she just said, growing up the way group was so traumatizing that I honestly was like, I will not come back. I will not I will not come back here. That I have to do better. So she said it just motivated her and that she wasn't like like collecting degrees for the sake of collecting them. She said that when she wanted to achieve a different goal, they would tell her where you need that, and she would just go get it.
I feel like you just describe what brown ambition is all about for real. Honestly, that's a band ambition moment right there.
Yes, she and when you meet her, Manny just so like, oh, Hey, what's up? Like just you you clearly she's brilliant. I mean, you don't have an engineering law and an MBA from like some of the top schools and just be like some like regular everyday thinking person. She's clearly brilliant, but so down to earth. It's so nice. And she was honestly like, I'm not gonna lie. At thirty five, I'm finally coming up for air. So like, what's going on, Like, what's happening on here in the world?
Brandolina still together.
She was like, Kylee, She's like, Jackson is pregnant.
We may be going to Mars.
Did you see the pleasures of Janet with their baby?
And so I told her, I was like, I took her number. I was like, don't worry, girl, We're gonna get you. We're gonna get you socialized. But we had such a great conversation about like you know, like just about life and relationships and just like you know, achievement, and it was just such a really good conversation. And I just thought to myself, this is what I wish
more people could see. It's just women like her who don't necessarily you're not going to see her in the news or whatever necessarily, but she's amazing, you know, go ahead, what was her name and was you know, I'm like the worst like me find.
Her miss gold Go ahead and miss Golden Golden sex.
I remember her. Her first name was the Pasha and her Yeah.
That's okay, I need to put her on blast like that. I just want to say, hi, miss.
Natasha, thank you for carrying the Brown Ambition flag.
Yes, and being for being amazing and for she said no matter where she goes, she represents for new work and she wants to show that they're you know, there is good here, you know, because you know how people are out a certain cities.
You know, we should share more.
We have some amazing listeners out there, don't I don't know if missus Natasha is a listener, but if you guys have little inspirational stories, I mean, feel free to go to Brian Ambition dot com Brianambition podcast dot com and you can just send us your story through to ask us anything for It's super easy.
Just fill out your question.
And put your email and by being by the boom, you were in our inbox.
Yeah, because we'd love to hear about like people that represent Brown Ambition to you just because it's it's always good to see that, you know, outside of the celebrity they are amazing people that you know that we know. We'd love to honor them, yes, ma'am.
And today's show is basically all about you, guys. We are finally getting to the questions that we've been putting off, so we have a handful of questions today.
So this show is going.
To be all about you, your money and career questions, and we'd love for you guys to continue sending us to those again. You can go to brand Ambition podcast dot com, the brand new, fresh looking website that we just redesigned. There is a super easy way to send us questions. It's called to Ask Us Anything Form. Just go there, submit your question and you might hear it on the show. But before we get to questions, I got to hear about fin Con.
So finn Con was it was all different in this way, so you know how usually fincn's like four or five hundred of your closest financial friends.
Right for people who don't know, describe the FINCN is important to me and Tiff because it's where we met in person.
Ye fIF God is a finance It started off as a financial bloggers conference, but it's since grown to a financial content conference. So you get bloggers, writers, speakers, educators, all things money and finance. They kind of gather here once a year and it's all around the country. Pet who is the founder of finn Con, Philip Taylor, he decided this year year he wanted it to be the
biggest year yet. So typically fin Con is between three and five hundred folks, and this year it was almost thirteen hundred or about thirty Mandy honestly, So it was like, that's exactly how the old folks felt. We were all like, oh, because you know, I'm used to going to finn Con and knowing not all the faces, but like a good chunk of them. Yeah, So you know, this time I went and I was like, I don't know you. I don't know you. I don't know you. I mean, I
don't know you or you oh u either. So it was I mean, San Diego was beautiful, the location that he chose was beautiful. Everything looked great. So it was that, I mean I felt both good and not good about the amount of people because one there were so many more brown people. Oh my gosh, Mandy, it was like a plethora of beautiful brown people.
That's a huge change from last year.
What we took over, what so many of us went Plutus Awards. So Plutus Awards for those of you who didn't know, are like the Emmys for financial educators, writers and stuff like that. And so I think, like Tanya one from my Fat Finance tie in talent from His and Her Money. Some other browns one me and Patrise hit the main stage. So right before the keynote, they had something called the Big Ideas and it was like a Tedex style talk. So I went on Friday, Patrice
went on Saturday. I don't think any brown person has ever hit the stage, so they have two. This year was like amazing. We were thanks, we were and honestly it was so in that respect. They clearly heard our grumblings from last year about there being a lack of diversity, and this year they really surged forward and had so
many speakers, so many podcasters, so many people there. Oh, I have a picture for you from the podcast movement of like they have our picture brighton center and one of their on one of their band o word cool. I've a picture said to you. I was like, I gotta take it, said Bandy. So yeah, it was just it was good in that way, and that there were way more people like you know, so more way more people of color. But it was also I felt like
I lost touch with some of my old FINCN family. Yeah, but like I said, I all all fin Con was fun. They're having it in Dallas twenty seventeen, which is Pet's hometown. Yeah. So I've heard a little whisperings that there might be some shifting in finn Con. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, I'm sure he's tired. I don't know. Let me not even say, let me not even say.
Okay, are we breaking news or are we breaking night? What's happening here?
Because you know, brendan ambition and listeners come to hear about the latest in Finncon drama. That was exactly what they're here for.
I know, you're like, who what, Let's move on, Okay, So yeah that's Fencon news.
Okay, Well, congrats to all them, the powerful pos representing fin Cone.
The browns, and yeah, that part was really great to really see, like, wow, so many great brown people here doing their dang.
And we both so you're so today. It's been a September.
I feel like I don't even know where it went or like what all happened. Just so much happened in September. But the highlight was that wedding last weekend. These were my best friends. And I'll tell you the quick story of us. It's a romantic story. So I've never been in a I've never I've been in my sister's wedding, but it was a very small, intimate wedding. I was the only one standing up with her. This was the first time I was like a bridesmaid in my best
friend's wedding. And this is my friend Brian.
He and I met.
So to flashback two thousand and five, Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast. I was a freshman in college. I was home in my dorm with a nasty cold, and I was like flipping through MTV and I saw an ad looking for volunteers. They were going to send to the Golf Coast to like help rebuild after and they were accepting one hundred kids from across the country, two from each state, and they were going to go to the Gulf Coast Mississippi, Louisiana and help them rebuild.
And I entered. I don't know what possessed me.
I entered this contest and they picked me and another and like a hundred other kids from around the country and we all went. We were all just like babies. It was my first time flying on a plane by myself. I had never really traveled alone before. I had never
even gone to like summer camp. I mean I didn't, and I was going to spend a week with all these strangers, and it ended up being like the single most important week of my life, if I can, if I'm not even being that dramatic about it, because the friends I made there were still friends.
To this day.
And Brian was one of the very first people that I met in We were in Biloxi, Mississippi, during that week, and it was just that week is the reason why I became brave enough to travel and travel by myself and do more volunteering, and it taught me how to be a leader. I kept going back every year and came a team leader. I mean, just so impactful, and
not least of which was because of the friendship. So Brian and I met, of course during that trip, and then all my other best friends that are now all over the country, we all met and now that we're all older, it's just it's been ten years and I was at the I was, you know, part of Brian's wedding, and it just it like hit me when I was standing there watching him get married to his wife, Diana, who's also become a really good friend of mine, and.
I was like the biggest baby. It was real embarrassing.
I was like doing not even a cute cry, like the ugly cry, like I had to hide, I had to hide behind my bouquet. But it was just, you know, it's such a I don't know, I've never been in a wedding like that before. It really felt like damn, like full circle. Yes, seeing people you love love each other and get married, and like all my other friends from that trip were there, and I don't know, it was it's just it's amazing that we all came this
far and we could all be together. It was just beautiful, beautiful.
Oh that's really because you're like, you know, it's like I was talking to my best friend the other day. I saw her like downtown and she had her son, and you know, Meanwhile, I've known Drena since middle school and so it still has not hit me that she has a child, because it's like, you're making that transition in your mind that like people that are no longer ten can now have kids, like you know what I mean?
Like and so like whenever I see her with her son, like my mind categorizes it is, Oh, there's Drena with this kid, like like not her kid. When then she said something like I don't know, like you know, like tickle him or whatever. And then it hit me. I'm like, wait, meanwhile, the baby is one years old and it's my godson. I'm like, wait, Drena, this is your baby. She looked at me like what is wrong with you? I was like, now it just hit me, like how is this happening?
How are we appropriating? Because it just seems weird when people get married have kids, people that you've known, like you know, when you were too young to do those things and when it had happens making that transition. It's like both emotional, it's cool, it's fun, but yeah it's a lot. But so I could totally you.
Know, it's wild, and Brian was like, yeah, this is no secret if you know Brian, I love you, Brian.
He listens to the show. He was one of our early fans.
He was.
He was a little bit of a player back in the day. It's, you know, in a.
Little bit of a I'm gonna use a d word, a little bit of a douche in some ways, A lovable douche, but a douche nonetheless.
And we had our moments.
But when I moved to New York City in twenty ten, he was one of my first first people I called, and he and his cousin Tran God Tran Like they lived in the teeny tiniest I mean, they called it a two bedroom, but it was like two closets in a hallway. And they lived in that teeny tiny apartment. And Brian still was like, you can come stay with us. We have a little Ikia cot.
We'll make it work.
And I stayed there for two weeks, and you know, he would That's how that's the asb like, the love that we had, and that's our friendship. And I'm just really I'm just so happy for them, and.
It's just and I'm next.
And that was also tripping me out because now that they're done out. It feels like, oh shit, I gotta put on a show now, because they did.
They did it.
Like it was really pretty. Like there was one picture that I thought that you posted. It was like she was kind of like far away and I don't know. It was just so beautiful. It didn't even look like a real person or wedding. It was just beautiful.
She was a human precious moments all that's what, Yes, that is what. Diana was, this goddess who could not think she was less of a goddess. I mean she she's like so humble, and I'm like, Diana, can you just.
Stop for a second.
And just like accept that you are the beauty goddess queen that you are right now because literally two hours before her wedding she was ziplining and doing kickball and playing long games and having a cookout like that was the whole weekend was like at camp. They had archery and canoeing and all this stuff.
It was like so of them and just so beautiful. So, without further ado.
I cleaned out the inbox. You guys send them excellent questions. I picked out a handful of some of my favorite questions, and again, please do not be shy. I send us your questions. Go to Brown Ambition Podcast dot com. There's a super easy form you can fill out there. We love to hear from you guys. And while you're at it, like the page, leave us a review on iTunes, you know, just say hey, tell a friend, do whatever you gotta do.
It's it's it helps us so much when you share and spread the word about Brown Ambition.
Anything you want to add.
To No, I'm just listening because you don't be up. Like when it comes to the communication piece, I'm like, I don't remember that the email. But if you go to broad Ambition podcast dot.
Com, that's what we're ever gonna start doing. Just send them directly to our Our website is so nice now. It has all the information, our social media, our bios, photos.
Latest episodes.
It is your go to destination for Brown Ambition news.
Yeah, everything's right there so that I can remember.
Yes, good, got it only took us a year.
But okay, no judgment, no judgment.
Okay, So here are some questions. Here's our first question. Nobody told me not to use their names. I'm using the names. I'm sorry, you know, call my lawyer if you're upset. So our first name, our first questions from someone named Kimoi. I hope I'm pronouncing that right.
She says, I would really love.
If you guys can expand on something Tiffany mentioned once about how she did a visualization process to make room for the men, the man in her life. I'd love if you could expand on this and share more tips on how I can prepare for the man in my life. And then my early thirties and while I don't feel the pressure to have kids and I'm not sure if I want any, I still want to be married and be with the man of my dreams. Thanks in advance, Kimoi.
So kimeoy. So this is what I did well want. I was in my early thirties when I started this. I had reached out to a friend of mine, like the budgetiesta was starting to take off. But every time I came home home to an empty house, I was like, Ugh, this sucks. Like I wasn't really dating. I mean, I was dating, but he wasn't really a great fit. And you know how you date some guys that you know, this is not anyone who I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with. This is just for now.
And I was tired of for now because when you go home, it's you're still by yourself. And I was finally ready because I had not seriously dated anyone since my late twenties, and on purpose, because I was building myself. So I reached out to a friend who was successful. She's married with a child, and I said to her, she's an entrepreneur, like how how did you do it?
Or you know, like, what can I do? Because I feel like, you know, everything's going great except for my personal life, my love life because family's good, friends were good, but my love life was not. And she said, Tiffany, how many hours a day do you work on a budgeanisa? I said, I don't know, girl, like all hours? And she said, how many hours a day do you work on your relationship? I'm like, well, there is no relationship. What's to work on? She was like, but work on
like securing like love. I'm like, well, that's not how it works. She said, it is in your thirties. She said, in your twenties, you know, things can happen a little bit more organically. You don't have to necessarily be as intentional, you know, because I don't know why. I guess you're just like free and open. But she's like, you know, if you're at an age where you're wanting someone in your life and it's not happening as organically as you'd like,
you have to put work. If you put a quarter of the work toward your love life that you did toward the Budgeanisa, you'd have someone. And I was like, at first, it felt unnatural, like I'm not trying to put work toward it. I want to, you know, walk down the street and bump into someone and I dropped my pen and he looks into my eyes and we fall madly in love. But she was just like, good luck with that, and so I thought about it and
I said okay. So one I realized she said, even if if a man were to come into your life now, is there even space for him? And that resonated with me. I said, you know what, No, there isn't. So first thing I did was something it seems like weird and corny, but I started creating physical space in my life just to be symbolic. So I started like, like I usually sleep like wild all over the bed, and I started sleeping on one side of the bed because Boo was
gonna sleep on the other. I actually like pushed like some like I opened up some closet space in my closet, you know, I opened up some space on my dresser just for a simple like just the symbolism for me was I'm creating physical space in my space for someone. Usually, like anybody who knows me knows I'm kind of like a tomboy at heart. I mean, I get dressed up to speak, but that is not me. So I usually will leave the house looking like who shot Bob and why?
So I stopped doing that. I was like, no, at least you don't have to get dressed up, but at least look decent, like if you see someone, you're not gonna like avert your eyes because you know you look crazy. So and then too leave the house. I am such a homebody. And I'm like, she's ativity the man that you're gonna marry is not gonna knock on your door, you know, likely anyway, not likely. So I like actually started like leaving because I never if I wasn't doing
budget theese stuff, I would never leave the house. And she was like, no, make it a point, like instead of doing work, at home, walk to the cafe in a cute dress and do something there. So I started doing those things, and I also started doing what I call mirror work, where I used to look in the mirror every day and tell myself that I was beautiful, amazing, smart, Like before I left the house, there's a mirror right by the door, and I would stop in it and say, hey, beautiful,
You're amazing, You're Smarty're this year. That just to pump myself up. And then I was open to dating non traditional like my type, and so well that's what it like it all came down to. And then I also started looking like, you know, I started I'm like so strategic about everything. I really started looking back through my old relationships mentally of like which ones, like, you know, we're really great, which ones weren't really great? And why how you know, who did I feel my best with?
So I could just be clear about what I was, what I was looking for, what I was open to find, not like he had to be a doctor, lawyer, but like he had to be open to the fact that I work for myself and what that looks like. You know, I wanted someone who was a giver because I was always dating takers because I'm an overgiver. So I was like, I'm tired of always feeling depleted. So I knew I wanted someone who was a giver. And I took the other things off, like he has to be African American,
he has to look a certain type of way. I took those things off, and I said, what's really really important, Him being a giver, him being him being naturally kind. I was looking for someone who wasn't just nice to me, but just nice in general. So those are the things
I started looking for. And oddly enough, the man I ended up being with was someone who I had known from in my twenties and we were friends and he'd randomly hit me up after I started creating all the space, and we went out for like an ice cream kind of like a date, and I was like, wow, this seems like what it just it just started to like tumble for before I knew it. You know, here we are, and I think I'm pretty sure I'm getting my ring on my birthday.
Oh man, this ring saga.
I know, I don't y'all don't even know. I can't wait to share it all once I get it. I can't wait to share all the shenanigans. I'm not fully proud of myself, but I don't care. Y'all know I tell the truth. But yeah, so you know so I did. Yeah. No, I'm just gonna say that. That's what I would just suggest is creating mental, physical, and like spiritual space in your life and being open and honestly staying ready.
I think the key is being open.
I think all the things you did probably I mean, I don't think like I didn't do any of that stuff, but I think that the being open to it. I think a lot of people get like start to feel like, oh, it's never gonna happen for me, I'm never going to find them that didn't work out with the last person.
I'm you know, I'm not this.
I'm not that men are dog like and you wrap yourself in that negative energy and then you don't attract anyone because you're repelling them with that negative energy. So I think for me it was I don't know, I was a little bit different, and I'm also kind of uncomfortable assuming the role of like.
I've made it.
I found a man, you know, like, I have so much wisdom to impart I was a hot mess for a long time. I dated and slept with all the wrong people. Well, I mean some right people, but made mistakes for sure. Moved to New York, had my fun and I like, you know, had my fun or whatever, and I was it was around twenty twelve ish, it was, I'll tell you when. It was the fall of twenty twelve, and I was like, you know what, that was cool.
I think I've done.
I kind of want a more something serious. I'm ready for what I deserve, which is, you know, someone who respects and loves me and like wants to be there all the time, and you know, more of like a traditional relationship. And I just became really intentional. And I'm not going to say that even worked out it well because the first way I became intentional was to start professing my love for guys I was close with already. It was kind of like the let's just throw something at the wall and websticks.
Hey, you love, You're pretty cute, love, we're.
Really good friends. We should probably date each other.
And I'm not gonna lie I did that too ready.
I mean, you got to work your way through your guy friends, right.
You gotta just go from one to one, Oh, that one's taking Okay, fine, on to the next one. Oh, we've been friends for what I mean, he's cute enough, you know.
Yeah.
So to the to the male friends who had to endure that for me, I apologize I was going through something, but it was necessary, Like it was almost my you know, when I was fourteen years or how old was I fifteen years old? I don't know what it is in
my brain. I like dare myself to do things. When I was fifteen years old, there was a cute boy in school and I was a new girl in school, okay, brand new to the school, didn't really have any friends, super hocky, and but at this cute boy and I rode the bus together.
I don't even mimber his name.
And it was around Valentine's Day and I was like, I'm just gonna ask him out. I'm just gonna ask him out from Valentine's Day and I just psyched myself up. I had literally no girlfriends there to like witness or help me or whatever. And I just like went to his locker and I was like, Hey, so and so, do you want to go out sometime.
He's like, oh, I'm sorry, my.
Girlfriend's over there, and it was like my first I guess that was my first rejection and ever since then I was like, well, okay, I had I experienced that I can do anything now. So for me, it was more about like it was, I just was tired of waiting. I always I always hate waiting for things to come to me in a way, and I just like rather go out there and get the answer right away, like are you into me? Do you want to date me? But I'm making myself sound crazy.
I'm really no.
I inmire, You're way more bold than I am. I'm always like really scared. So it's dead. I mean, like Mandy said, it's not like the things I did weren't for the magic of like you know how people tell you like manifestation, and I mean, to a certain degree, I agree, But I'll say this that it was more so to get myself in the mindset to be ready to have what it is that I wanted. So I did all those things really not because like I thought to myself, oh, if I magically sleep on one side
of the bed, he's gonna come. No. But it was really like a daily reminder of you know, Tiffany, you said you want this, so you have to make space, you know, and so it was more symbolic than anything else. So honestly, I mean, if you're not leaving the house, you know you need to.
Yeah, all about the energy you put out, you know, yes, And anyway to finish my story after making those wrong proposition sounds also like a terrible I'm my worst advocate, but yeah, like hitting striking out and then I ended up.
I had been.
All my friends were like, get online, going Okay Cupid. It's the shit, Like you're gonna find somebody on okaycupd excuse me. I was like, online dating is lame, it's for old people. My mom met my stepdad in like match dot com when it first came.
Out in two thousand and two or whatever.
But I got on there and I tried, and it was almost like the list you made because I'm on Okay Cupid, which I realize now is not the cool website anymore because that's, you know, I feel really old now. All the young kids are on Tender and stuff. But anyway, you put down like you basically put a list of what you want, and you put what you're interested in, and they find you. People who have that in common already.
One thing I will say about okay See is that when I finally met fiance bou there, I messaged him. I never went on any dates. He was my very first Oka Cupid date, and I was on there for a couple a couple of months, and I found out only the creepers would message you, Like it'd be like so and so from New Jersey who has like a twenty percent match with you, and like whatever I was wearing, like sweatpants and his boxers hanging out in his photo. Those guys would message me. But I was like, I
just I can't wait for someone to message me. I have to message the guys I'm interested in. And yeah, I saw his I saw his page, and I pinged them, and we want on a date, like I guess. A few weeks later and the rest is history. And I know everyone who's online dating probably hates that story because it's not a reflection of how it usually is.
Like your first days.
I'm actually like sometimes I'm like, well, damn, I thought I was going to have my whole you know, sex and the city online dating. I was going to write a blog about it, and then instantly just like found mister man, and uh, I mean took me a while to realize it was mister the man because I was still in like my little you know, kind of want
something serious, kind of not sure face. But yeah, I think it was all about just me intentionally looking for people who were interested in a relationship and stop fooling around with the guys who I knew, you know, were just you know, out for having fun.
Yeah, that I think, honestly, to me, now that I really think about it, that last piece that you just
said made the most difference. I stopped dating the guy I that was not really like a mad remember I said, I was like dating I'm like, eh, he was kind of I used to call my fake boyfriend, and it was like, oh, somebody to hang out with and to like, you know, deal with, because like in the meantime I actually had to doad that because I'm like Tiffany, like, you're not leaving any room for the right guy when you have in the meantime hanging around, So let him go.
And even though it was so comfortable, so when I finally let him go, I was able to like, Okay, have space and room really for who apparently for coffee that came out of nowhere. I know. So yeah, I don't know. I mean, honestly, there's no one way. I just you know, open intention and getting out there.
Yes, ma'am, okay, you owe us one thousand dollars now, no, I'm kidding. Next question is from Erica. She asks, can you talk about writing goodwill letters to companies to have negative marks removed from your credit report? Have you all done this or know someone you have has? I love the show. Your website looks great too, thanks, miss Erica. I will pass that on to our web developer, Miss Terry. Okay, yeah, good will letters to companies to have negative marks removed
from credit reports. You must have dealt with this at some point, I know I have.
Yeah. I mean, I'll say this that you have to remember when you write a good will letter that companies are under no obligation to comply, because that's really the purpose of the good will letters. That you're just asking, like, hey, because people think this about their credit report. That people will tell me this all the time, Hey, Tiffany had this negative mark. I was late, but I'm on time now and I'm fully paid up. Why is it still there?
I'm like girl, because it happened. Your credit report is supposed to be a report of what has happened, just because you've made better decisions, so that better decision will be reflected along with the fact that at one point you didn't make good decisions right, so you know, so you have to keep that in mind. So the company's not doing anything wrong by keeping your poor decisions on
your credit report. You know, after a while they fall off, but if it was just like a few months ago or a couple of years ago, they're likely still going to be there now. You can write a letter asking that they remove them, especially if you've been on time. This is what I suggest to people is that if you're making like a lump some payment or paying most of it off, like before you make that payment, making that request like, Hey, I'm about to send my lump
some payment and know I'm late. Can I ask that you do this after I submit this payment? And sometimes you can get them to agree, and then if they agree on paper like via email or be a letter or whatever, and they don't take it off, you can send that to the credit bureaus to say, hey, they agree to take it off and they have not.
Yeah, and you should always get a letter, some sort of letter with the agreement. But what you were talking about making a lump some payment, is that like a form of settling the debt, Like do you mean paying the entire thing off?
Well, either way, So I find that this that that cause I A couple of my friends, so they're, much to their shame, were actually work for like credit collection agencies, and they told me that if you're either you know, gonna pay, Like, let's just say, you know, you owe thirty bucks and for whatever reason, you forgot to pay it.
So now it's on your credit report and you're just gonna go ahead and pay the thirty bucks, So before doing so, working out some sort of deal, because ultimately the credit credit people that you owe, they don't care about your credit report and score. They just want their money. So if you're kind of like, you know, not that you're dangling the carrot, but basically you are like, hey, I've got your thirty bucks, could you guys take this
off completely once I give it to you? Like I said, they don't have to, but that's something you could definitely ask. But let's just say you are gonna settle because you owe ten thousand and you're like, I don't have it, and they've agreed to settle for three thousand. So typically if they're gonna settle for three thousand, they're gonna want a lump some Like, no one's trying to settle for
three thousand. Twenty bucks a months is what you're paying. Yeah, so you know, if you're going to settle and you're gonna get them that lump some ask. Now, the more that you're settling for, the more that you're getting off, the less likely they're going to be accommodating. So you know, if you're if you owe ten and you're gonna be paying fifteen hundred, they're probably gonna be like, girl, you're lucky that you don't have to pay this eighty five hundred,
you know. But so the more that you're kind of giving, the more leeway you have to say, I'm about to set this payment, but I would love in writing for you to say that you'll take this off my credit report as a result, Like I said, you just it's just lump sum just gives you more leeway because there is if I'm paying you month a month, then there's no guarantee that I'm going to finish paying you. So
it's like, so why should I take this off? And you're it's we have three years until you finish paying this off. No, so I would, I would, you know, I would negotiate with a lump sum payment.
And it usually works best if you've already missed a bunch of payments, like when you're in delinquency, because what leaders will do anyway is they're eventually going to sell your dut to a dut collector, and they're going to sell it to them for pennies on the dollar.
For whatever it's actually worth. So they could this.
Sometimes they accept settlements or accept lump some payments from you because they're probably going to make more money off that lump some than if they were to sell it to a debt collectorate.
And they know that. But one thing exactly it can be done.
What I will say is if it's over a certain amount, I believe you have to that forgiven debt. The amount that they forgive is treated as taxable income. So you may receive a tax from the lender saying we forgave you for ten thousand dollars. Now you have to report this on your taxes, and you may actually have to pay taxes on that money, so it may not be a completely clean break from the debt.
So typically it's like anything over like six hundred dollars. But my account did tell me if your net worth is zero or negative, then you won't have to and most people's networth, like if you're if you're owing that much money, you probably don't have a network that's going to force you to pay taxes on it. But still you just never know. That's definitely a possibility.
Yes, ma'am. So let's do one more question. Let's see, so this was a super long question. Okay, all right, so let's do one more question. This was a super long question. I'm just going to get to that what I think is the real crux of her question, and it's from someone named Sonny. So Sonny says she's trying to get an apartment. She says her credit My credit score has remained around six fifty five for quite some time. I pay all my bills before their due. I earn
over twenty five hundred dollars per month. Recently, I applied for a studio apartment where the rent was just seven hundred and seventy five dollars a month with everything included minus electricity. Sonny, where do you live? Because I am moving there because that is so cheap, She says. However, the rental company came back to me and declined me.
They said because my credit line was so small and I never expanded it over the course of you know, using credit, and that I would require a co signer. I don't know what to do, Please help me. So basically, she has a short credit history because she waited so long to get her first card and then when she got it, she ran into some issues paying the bills and her score is now around six fifty five.
Yeah, being similar.
So yeah, that's like that because she's like at that place where it's like it's not terrible, but it's not that good.
It sucks, you know.
So part of the question I didn't read. She says, I've never bothered getting more credit because I'm in the habit of couponing, saving and just buying stuff with cash. And it's almost like in the in the world we live in today, you're almost punished if you don't use credit because you need credit to get good credit. And although using cash can definitely key and it's good to
use cash because you're staying out of debt. When it comes time to apply for things like apartments, get a car loan, mortgage loan, they want to see a long sort of credit history.
So I feel for her.
Yeah, and it is sucky. This is why I kind of like, I didn't understand where my dad had me get like a credit card when I was eighteen in college and he was like, but you're not allowed to use it for anything but books, But it was because and I still have that same credit card, and honestly, the credit limit now is thirty thousand dollars and I don't even I mean for me to swipe over a thousand is a lot. And I use it for business and paid off in full. But I allowed it to
expand like that because for that reason. It's because I knew, well, one, you have to have the discipline, because you don't want to have a limit of thirty thousand and not have the discipline not to spend thirty thousand. But two, I use it because I wanted to show that, like, look, I can manage this level of credit available to me, So that part sucks. I would just say that, I mean, you can call your the person that you have the credit card with and see if you can get an expansion.
But know this that asking for them to increase your credit limit that might result in a harder in career. So ask that because sometimes they have to look into your credit to see if they're going to allot you more credit. And a hard incree, a hard inquiry well temporarily lower your score. It's not for a super long time.
I don't have a trade off because you do like it's helping your score by having a larger line of credit available to you, But then you get that little ping, the little ding on your score from asking for more money.
Exactly, I feel.
Like my advice would be okay, So you need to I understand why they're asking you for a co signer. Rental apart rental companies sometimes a lot of times do do credit background checks and may ask for a co signer. If no one's willing to be a co signer, you might just need to find another.
Place to go.
Well, you can write them a letter, you know. I did this when I first moved to New York. I had to put in an application with my landlord and her lawyer, you know, did the credit background check, and I didn't realize I'd never checked my credit before, and my credit score was terrible because when I was in college, someone opened up a Chase credit card under my name,
racked up twelve thousand dollars and never paid it. I never heard about it, never knew about it because I never checked my credit and that's how I found out. He was like, I can't approve you because this happened. So I had to file disputes with the credit bureaus, and I wrote the landlord a very long letter explaining what happened, showing proof that I filed a dispute, and based on their own you know, they were just being basically, it was up to them and they were nice and
they decided to take a risk on me. I also sent a letter of referral from a previous landlord who said I'd always paid the rent on time and then I was a good tenant, and I think that a long way toward convincing them to accept my application despite the what my credit history showed. So that's one thing
you could try. Either, you know, get some letters recommendation, write a letter to them explaining what you know, what your situation is, or try and find someone you know who you trust and who trust you to be a co signer or you know, unfortunately you may have to find somewhere else.
Yeah, and then letters do really work because I remember when I went to buy my house, I was like twenty five, and I didn't have like a whole bunch of like debt and credit and stuff, and so oh, I actually had to get my landlord to write a letter. I had to get a notarized, and I had to show like bank statements showing that like, yes, on the first of every month, I made my my rent payment
for like the last two years, So that helped. That went a long way, because ultimately, what they're really doing is trying to figure out are you the type to pay mm hm. So if you can show them that exactly, if you could show that that to them through alternative means, then that should be helpful.
Yes, miss Sonny, good luck to you.
I like your name too, Sunny miss Sonny.
I think it was was a pseudonym, but I like it too.
Yeah, we're just gonna call you that anyway.
All right, our lovely listeners. So we have some sort of sad news. I guess we're gonna have one we're gonna be one podcast short for October. I believe Tiffany for exciting reasons. I'm heading to London with my little Hermannito, my little brother today for a brother or sister trip to London, and Miss Tiffany is going through.
Heavy yes, and I'm going to Paris and my mom prag which I'm super excited about. I leave on next week and I'm like, yes, I've never been to Paris, although I've been to France and so yeah, So we will be gallivanting and we won't be able to tape, but we will think of you as we enjoy Europe, and we'll come back with some great stories and maybe some croissants. Yeah, well, we won't be able to share them with each other. Maybe with each other.
You'll be there in spirit, listeners, So in the meantime, please go to Brunambition podcast dot com send us your questions comments. We've gotten a lot of lovely emails from people lately about the show and what it means to them. Love the emails, but we love even more when you take the time and leave us reviews on iTunes or wherever you listen, stitch your SoundCloud, leave us a kind note there. It lets other people find the show and lets everyone know what you already know, which is.
That we yeah, awesome, you'll already know.
No, no, you know you know listeners.
I was like, wait, I.
For all that. Nope, you're not gonna get me. All right, well, bom voyage. Yeah, I wish to be luck. It's my I haven't been to London before. I'm excited.
Okay, I think you'll enjoy. I've been twice and it's not my face.
Yeah okay, never mind, talk to you about it.
You have a good trip, all right, girl,