Let's just get started, man, Okay, do you want to do like a little intro because I'm feeling kind of like hot underneath the collar if I had a collar. I have something to I want.
To talk about. Yes, we could just get right into it.
Okay, So Brandon Ambition fam. We're recording a few days earlier this time because I'm going on vacation. Oh my god, I can't wait. You know how they say there's studies at show that you're never happier about vacation than the week before you go on vacation.
Even more so than when you're actually on vacation.
Yes, and then yeah, so I feel like I'm a peak excitedness right now. So forgive us if we miss a few days worth of news. We'll get to that next week. I have to start things off by talking about Leanne lah Beauty. Do you know LeAnn Lahavas? No, have you talked about her before? So she is this British like beautiful singer, singer songwriter. She's like, it's hard to describe her music. It's kind of like a mix of R and B soul folk. She's kind of like
a Corinne Bailey, ray Born Hill vibe. She's amazing. Okay, she's kind of She's not huge huge, but she's big ish. I'll say, I've been to two of her shows. I went to her show in September. She performed in New York and we just went and actually spent a pretty penny getting good seats for her show that she did
earlier this month at the at A venue also downtown Manhattan. Anyway, I love her music, like everyone loves her and like there was nothing it was probably the crowd like seventy five percent, just like black women at her shows like Women Lovely and anyway, all that aside, she went on a Twitter raid today. So the brit Awards for this weekend or this week yesterday or the day before or something like that, right, the briton words, that's like the Grammys of Britain.
Yeah, I saw so you know how.
They had the hashtag Oscar so white. Yes, they had the hashtag going BRIT's so white because I think someone wrote that. Like anyway, the vast majority of nominees were white, and then of course the winners were white. Okay, Leanne who I think she was nominated? She was definitely there. I mean, she's British totally makes sense. She is she white black? Ok Yeah, I should have said that. So she's mixed. She's biracial, half Jamaican, half Greek.
Okay, she's wow.
Yeah, she has like big beautiful natural hair. She I mean, you could just I have to before I tell you why I'm so everyone's so upset at Leanne right now. I have to talk about like when women of color talk about Leanne, they feel like that sense of ownership in her because she rocks the natural hair. She's a beautiful black woman. She feels like, you know how, we get really attached and we're like, oh, she's ours, She's for us, like you know how, kind of like Beyonce,
but like on a smaller scale. So she came out on Twitter, don't know why, denouncing the britso white hashtag. And it wasn't just the fact that she was saying that the hashtag. She called it horrible and she called it racist. She said that she wanted to be removed from any reference to it, and she deleted all these tweets. So thank you blavity dot com for curating all these people who took screenshots. You know, people aren't to let anyone get away with anything. You know, there's always a start.
You cannot use Twitter. I think you can delete stuff and it's just number just gonna.
Go away unless twenty sixteen, unless you're like Edward Snowden, but even then, So anyway, she's like going back and forth tweeting at people, just random people, talking about how she.
Doesn't think that we should be using it as very offensive, saying every like like like Stacy Dash level stuff like oh well, if there was a hashtag Brits so black, there'd be outraged, So why isn't the other way around? And then she caps everything off with one single tweet, one single hashtag, all Lives Matter.
Oh gosh, what where you making? Father? You don't understand.
I just read this. I was busy all day. I didn't see I didn't notice this happening. I didn't feel the ripple in the matrix when this happened on Twitter. But I was just reading in a minute agoing, oh man, why And then she deleted everything, and all that slept is like a tweet saying she's going to go visit her grandma right now.
Yeah, I bet you are.
Your Grandma's who you go to when you know you did wrong and he wants someone to love you anyway.
An right, Hey, Grand's like it's okay baby.
Ah, it's just really disappointing, and people are Blavity has a hilarious story.
Oh I want to read what's her name again?
Leanne Leanne l I A N N E. Okay, her music is is good. I'm not gonna do you know what anyway, So the Blavity story, the Blavity story is called seventeen Hilari reactions to Leanne Lahavas becoming a problematic fave because she was everyone's fave. She was like the prom queen.
You know, ah damn.
And it's not even like the Beyonce level, where I feel like Beyonce was so huge that everyone was waiting and like they were really expecting Beyonce to speak out, And that's why everyone was so excited about the Formation video because they were like, finally, we've been waiting for someone of her caliber to call people out on this. With Leanne, there's not all that pressure there. But at the same time, she's not so huge she's on a
central figure in Black America at all. She's British for one thing, and I mean I'll get to that as well. I think her being British plays a big role in her point of view, although I think that the UK has maybe not as many problems with the police because police don't even carry firearms in the UK. But I'm gonna venture a guess that blacks in the UK are not treated all the time as equally as as whites, just like it is here. She even tweeted at someone
who was saying I thought she were half Jamaican. She's like, listen, I don't mean to. She's like, no offense, bad idea, whatever you episode of sad, delete delete, I just stop, no offense. But I'm also half Greek, is what she responded. Okay, well just because go ahead.
Honestly, it's so hilarious because I'm like looking like Blavity has no chill, no chill. It's like number one tweet, it's about to go down the second tweet. It is like the picture of like what is John John Legend's wife.
Christy Tagan? The Christy Tagan reaction, Yes.
And that's like the the Beyonce like ooh face, yes, yo, it is hilarious. Oh. You know what the thing is with social media? You just I don't understand. What I don't get is that regular everyday people know not to wild out on social media. What did you want with celebrity brains? Like I know not to put anything crazy on social media, Like my friends know, I've never really
anything crazy from them. Why is it so difficult for somebody who has a huge following to say, you know what, I might this might not be a good.
Idea because everybody loves celebrities and they're so used to putting a tweet out there and everyone's laughing and loving them and oh retweeting, and they just love me, love me, love me, and they get in that mode and they start to think everything I say matters, everything I say is has a point and I need to say it. Like they just get in that mode. And then it's when they say something stupid.
Yeah, you know somebody wrote, wow, Leanne Lahaves broke my little black heart.
Even what I'm saying, why, yeah.
I mean, like, and I get it, I will say this that. I mean, it's hard to see perspective if you one are not kind of like inundated in that culture, or you don't know anyone of that culture. Like for example, when when Beyonce. Remember she did that recently, that video with Coldplay, and she was wearing like Indian garb uh oh.
I never watched that, like Indian of India, right.
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah that's so. And so at first I was like, oh, she looks pretty. It didn't even click. And then someone was like, oh, it's cultural appropriation, and it didn't. I'm not gonna lie. That wasn't my knee York reaction. But then I thought to myself, you know what, I could see that. It's just because I'm not Indian. So I did not have that reaction. But if I saw Kesha dressed in like like cultural Nigerian clothes and like,
I'd be like, what what is she doing? Because you know, so I can see how sometimes you can miss these these cues if you're not a part of certain cultures. But I think what's important is that then when someone educates you and says, hey, this is why that, you kind of take a step back and you're like, you know what, I could see that or like, you know, if I was in that person's shoes or if that was my culture or that was my experience, I can
see how. You know, it's not hard to have empathy for someone else by just really taking a step back. It's just that people refuse to do so on both sides. So it's not just the whatever the argument is. I see that you know more and more. I mean, I'm not gonna lie. Social media. It's like so depressing these days because it's just so much you know, it is, yeah, it is, and so but and what I'm saying is like.
We're all tired of responding to it too, bro.
We are. Honestly at that point, if.
You're not woke, then no one's gonna wake you up.
Yeah, you don't want to be woke. You're like no, You're like you have okay, you threw your long clock against the wall and you're just like, no, don't. And honestly, I'm not trying to wake anybody up. I'm just like, man, I'm just trying to get by day by day. You know, I'm just trying to make sure I take my vitamins in the morning, which, by the way, gummy vitamins are everything.
I just took my two gummy vitamins earlier. Are you just discovering this.
No, But it's just I mean it's so crazy. But literally every morning. I'm like, okay, when okay, she'll ripe before breakfast. No, wait, okay, wait wait, cause they're so they're so good. I'm like, should I take one down and one later? They are so delicious it is sinful. I'm like, I'm sure there's like no nutritional value in the vitamins that I have, but darn it, I take them every morning with joy.
I mean there's a placebo effect too. If it makes you feel better, yes.
It does. It puts a smile. I don't care what kind of morning or what kind of dream I had When I see that jar of done me vitamins on my in my bathroom, on my bathroom sink, I'm like, yes, you and me.
Oh, speaking of joy, can we please talk about Virginia McLaurin one hundred and six year old Virginia mclauren who got to visit the White House and shake her little one hundred and.
Six year old booty.
Yes, that was Keith Obama's. That was so cute.
First of all, how was that so hilariously different from the other older lady? They did they remember the other older lady?
Oh?
What was her name?
FLOSSI? Yes, Oh, so we didn't talk about that last week, but Tiffany and I got a little chuckle out of the BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed, I think we're not BuzzFeed. This was like a local report in Seattle. One hundred and how cold was she? One hundred and fourteen or something something like that. Ten Her name was FLOSSI just google Flossy.
Yes, old and FLOSSI is the sassiest oldest Like they're like, hey, Flossy, she's drinking her little coffee, like why are you here? And they're like, are you excited about your birthday? She said, not one bit?
She said not one Yeah, she was not even going to speed up her cadence a voice for this woman. It's the best four minutes you can spend on the internet, I would say. But Miss Virginia is not sassy. She's just happy. It's so sweet to see her joy.
Yeah, that was really sweet. I was like, that's right, you just danced it on up, you know. But that was just hilarious, Like between the two of them, it's been a great week for old people.
But you know, I'm really starting to feel And it wasn't just because of that viral video of the little girl the little black girl crying about Obama leaving?
Did you see that?
Yes?
I saw that one.
Oh it wasn't just because of that. But I'm starting to really and I get the sense everyone is starting to really feel sad about the end of the Obama's And I think what's really making it for me is just like the insanity of this presidential race right now. I had to put my head on my desk earlier today because Trump won Nevada this week. He's probably gonna sweep some states on Super Tuesday next week. I cannot believe we are letting this happen. And I don't know
what to do. I just every headline is another dagger in my heart. I don't know what's happening. I don't know how we allowed this to happen. If it was the media, If it's just like there was way more racist and bigots in America than I ever thought possible, I guess that's the answer.
Any other buzzworthy things, Well.
One last thing I wanted to share so I earlier this week I was I wrote a story for Yahoo about did you ever hear about that startup that launched last fall called swan Love? Yeah, Swan luv So this was from the very get go, a ludicrous platform for a startup. They promised that they were going to loan couples ten thousand dollars for their weddings, no strings attached, so long as they stayed married. If they got divorced, they were going to get the ten thousand dollars back
with interest. If they stayed together, they can keep the tang grin forever. So okay, crazy premise. How are you going to finance that? How? How?
Why? So?
This was back in November at the time. They had everyone go to their website and sign up for their list oh site. They were basically like saying, put your email on the list and when we launched Valentine's Day twenty sixteen, you'll be the first to be able to apply for the Swan Love Wedding funding or whatever it was called. And then Valentine's Day rolls around and people went to the website and it wasn't working and they were told to wait twenty four hours. Like one lady
I talked to you named Keana. She's twenty two years old from Shreveport, Louisiana. She went back the next day
and the site was just down. So she went to the Facebook page and there they posted a letter saying, we're really sorry to let you guys know, we decided to change our business strategy, basically change the whole way the platform works, and instead of giving you guys ten thousand dollars, we're going to allow you to raise money from your friends and family up to ten thousand, and then if you'd get divorced, you owe them the money back.
What So they completely lopsided on there on their initial promise. And I mean not that any any reporter who initially covered it was that surprise because it sounded crazy, right, they said they they said they were overwhelmed by the interest. No duh? Why no duh? I mean the Trader Joe's sample line goes out the wall. Okay, teny little paper cup.
Sometimes I'm asking myself when I'm at Trader Joe's. Why am I standing in this line for a teeny tiny little paper cup with a baby sized morsel of pretzel?
Why you're there? You're like, I don't care, I'll get my press.
It's free, so you want it, right?
Yes? Oh yeah?
Yeah. So I couldn't even get in touch with the CEO because they are obviously just hiding under a rock somewhere. But they said that they people so many people, so many people signed up that they would have had to show out two billion dollars. Wow, wah, two billion. Maybe you should have thought about.
That, right, Like, who's not gonna go for free money?
Yeah, that was a nunny story. But you know what, I talked to like four or five really upset brides to be and the comments, of course were really negative, saying, you know, why would you ever expect anybody to pay for your wedding? This is trashy. But as someone who's planning a wedding, I can I can I empathize with these women? You know, if there was a chance for ten k I would I would snatch that up in a heartbeat exactly.
And people always you know, one thing, my friend told me that my friend marked to it because I was like having like a hard time with I was doing something nice for like a group of people, and somebody was complaining and I'm like, but it's nice and it's free. I don't understand. And he said, Tiffany, my mentor told me, you could literally stand in the middle of time Square with a stack of one hundred dollar bills, giving them one to each person, and somebody will say this is
not enough. The next person will say, you know, this is too much. The next person would say, well, how come they get the same amount as me? I have more bills than No matter what you do, that there's always gonna be someone, not everyone and not even most, but there will always be someone to complain, even if it's something good and free and amazing, And so you just learn that, like just got to kind of roll with it, like, well, there's always going to be some pushback, you know, when it comes to.
Listen, there's another this reminded me of. I was listening to one of my really one of my new favorite podcasts. It's called Strangers, and it's basically stories about strangers doing things. You know, it's just it runs the gamut. But there is a recent story that this woman produced and put together about a woman in Wisconsin who just decided to donate a kidney, just decided to donate it anonymously or
not anonymously, but to donate it to somebody, okay. And she went to this website called donormatch dot com or something where you can find people who are looking for donors. They basically set up profile saying, you know, here's my story, I really need a kidney. I'm seventy five, I'm fifty five. Whatever. So she picks someone that she likes. She's an older woman in her sixties, and she's pretty healthy anyway. Blah blah blah. She's giving this woman one of her organs
that she does not need to give anybody. It's hers. She could keep it like most of everybody else, because no one just gives kidneys unless you really know someone who needs.
It, right mm hmm.
And yet, and yet she's gotten so much crap from people who are upset because she chose someone who's older. They're upset because she chose someone at all. They think that she's playing god. She should have done an anonymously, you know, like why didn't she give it. I'm just like, but she's giving an wagon.
I don't understand what is Like, let's really talk about that, because I'm not gonna lie. I've been struggling with that this week, like in my business, like I can't even tell you, Mandy. Sometimes I'm like, I'm just gonna close the shop and then you guys can help yourself because I just don't get how like, I don't understand. I'm like, but it's free. Someone actually emailed me to say, hey, you know, i'd like, you know, half an hour of your time, and you know, to like, I'm doing your
challenge which is free. You know, I'm in the group which is free. Thank you for all the resources which are free, but I want you to talk to me on the phone stranger that I don't know. And I just said, honestly, like, I don't have the bandwidth to do one on once, but I could certainly suggest when someone to you or even better, the group is free, and if you post your question in the group, I will tag the appropriate person that can help you get
your response. You know that was not enough. It was, well, I think you're selfish and I, you know what, this might not be the right program for me, the free program. I was like, am I unaware of some payment that she made? This might not be the right program? And I just thought, and I just I didn't even know what to say there. Literally, I have nearly ninety thousand people doing this free thing, and it's just not possible
for me to get on the phone. And I you know, I tried to explain it because I always I always feel like you know that sometimes people reach out to me and I know that they're scared or they're afraid, and I understand that, so I try, you know, even when I'm upset with them. I never you take that tone. You know, I'm not gonna lie. I might say it out loud, but I'm not gonna write you back that way, because I always believe you should leave with kindness. But
it took everything in my body. I had to step away from the computer, like I just I just And it's days like that, and it's been happening more and more where folks are just like, you mean to tell me you can't give me more, and I'm just like, I don't even know what to say, cause I'm just like if people only knew, like I know that the things that like, you know, especially if if you're giving kind of like for a living, and I see like this with other brands that give a lot, like I
don't think people understand just how much it costs. I have literally spent my life savings to like create some of the things that I give away absolutely for free, because it's just that important to me that I always knew that I wanted to live a life of service, and like I was putting that before almost everything at some points. And then finally, like last year, I was like, Okay, Tiffany, we're not trying to be broke, old lady, so you got to start setting aside for your future, which I'm
doing and I'm much much better now. But I have given away so much, and I'm like, why so you want my leg, you want this finger, you want my kneecaps. You know, I just don't get it. And sometimes could you just be so frustrating that you're just like, you know what, Because honestly, I don't get any really any money from the free stuff. And that's fine, because that's not honestly, that's not why I do it. It just makes me feel really good to know that people are better.
And so most of my money comes from speaking at different organizations, so like a large organization or a school or church, they'll pay me and so I live off that money, and then in their interim I give away like the other things for free to individuals, just so because I like to do that. But honestly, that people have you questioning whether you should help them. And even
though I'm knowing the vast majority are grateful. It's the people who are the loudest are always the meanest and the negative ones, and it just it makes you not want to do it anymore. And it's been a rough week for that. I'm just like, man, there are days where I'm like, man, I'm about to shut this whole group down. There's seventy thousand people nearly in this group.
Y'all gonna be on your own because I just can't take another negative email or nastiness behind the scenes, because I won't do some some additional free thing for someone on top of everything else that I give. You know, But it's just it has been like a rough week, and I'm just like, like all of my entrepreneur friends, I always lean on them and I'm like, what do you do? And some days they have bad weeks two in other days, you know, you let it roll off
your back, but you're just not inhuman. It's just I don't know, honestly what you're supposed to do. I'm hoping that with time I'll grow past this. This. Every every I notice every year, I always have one new mental hurdle to get over. There was like a jealousy year that I had. There was a self confidence year, and I feel like this year is the Maybe it's like the sensitivity year, where like I'm extra sensitive to people being critical. I don't know, but yeah, it's just been
a rough week. But yeah. So if you're listening and you're part of the Dreamcatchers group, please be nice.
She I think with you. It's probably taken time because they're taking this along because people really identify with you personally. They like you first, then they love what you do and that you know that you have that halo effect for a while.
Yeah, they're like, no, we're taking you down.
Let's go on to brown Break.
You want to go first, because I went first to last couple of.
Times, I had one naguna. Make me forget it, man, I knew I should have written it down. Old lady brain, hold on, just give me two seconds and I'll think about it.
Do you have an old lady name? I feel like you should have one, Mandy. My name is Wanda, and I need you to have one.
I need an old lady name.
Yes, everybody has to have an old lady name. So my old lady name. I came up with it because when I was one of my strategies for like saving for retirement. So when I was making choices and I wasn't sure, I would ask myself, what does Wanda need? And Wanda's my old lady, my eighty year old self, and so I would decide, like, well, I really don't want Wanda to eat cat food, so and so that.
But then it became like a fun game like with my friends, like mmm, my Wanda and your girtruth, they're gonna be fighting on the fighting over the old and at the the I don't know, yes, at the nursing home.
Or like you know, I'm a nursing home. Just shoot me.
So you have to think of an old lady name. That is your homework for next week. Everyone should think of an old lady name. And tweeted to us at the BA podcast, I want to know your old lady name.
Yeah, who are you saving for?
Mm hmm.
My grandma's name was Doris. That's pretty good.
Ooh, I like that. Oh that's a nice old lady name.
Dorry. They called her.
Oh my god, I think that is like the most adorable old lady name.
Her middle name was also something that my grandpa's son, her middle name was also Eleanor, so those are also two Dori.
Can you imagine as a baby, I guess I'm assuming Doris and eleanor probably you know, we're like probably like regular names when she was a kid, but like now it's like double whemmy old lady name, which I love.
That's how I feel about kids. You have grown up names as a baby's like George, like Frank.
Yes, Frank is such a grown man who like works hard and like comes home. It just wants his dinner. It doesn't want to and doesn't want any lip from you. Well, like you know what, I love. I kind of love and hate it when people name their dogs like those serious names like oh this is my dog Joseph.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. I have a dog named Phil I signed to He's a Schnauzer. He's very regal.
When I get a dog, I'm totally gonna name, know, like a regular name, like oh this is my dog Amanda.
Sounds like a like a dig at me.
No, it just came to mind.
So I still haven't remembered my brown break.
You go first, Okay, so my brown break. It's kind of related to the social media thing kicked that we're on. So have you ever been on Facebook and you see someone say goodbye, cruel world, I'm leaving Facebook or I need a Facebook break, and then they make an exit, like a public exit on social media. So my brown break is these public exits on social media. I was in a group recently and the guy was like, I don't like the way the poe are going. I'm leaving
this group is not what it used to be. And somebody wrote underneath this post, you know what, this is a group of over seventy thousand people. Nobody would have missed you if you left. Good fine, yes, And I'm just like, I think that just seems so unnecessary and so dramatic. Why are you making a public exit? Why not just go like, if you're gonna take a break from Facebook, take a break, start now, Or if you're
going to leave a group, just leave the group. People don't need like an exit like post.
And so yet, I have a very dear friend of mine who in college, every like two months would delete her Facebook profile and whenever, you know, like back then, you used to be able to tell because you would lose like two hundred photos because every photo they had tagged you when or posted of you. They would when they deleted their profile, it would go away. Oh I would lose like five hundred votos and be like, oh there goes de Nisha, She's gone, and we just laugh
about it. She always would text us, yeah I know. So she'd always be like, listen you guys, I just can't anymore. And I'm like, some people just think you think about them a lot more than you do. Yeah, well, I think we all are like that. I'm always like, oh, man, are they thinking that I'm like rude because I left the elevator door close on them?
But I did, yeah too, Or.
Like people don't think about it as much as you think you do.
Yeah, I think they do. You're right right. I'm always the one like that is a bad habit, and I find that guys don't do that as much as most girls that I know. One of my friends, he is like the king of like not thinking about other people in that way. One time he came over we were hanging out, and I was like, stopping so loud my roommates. This is like years ago, stopping so loud my roommates. And then my roommates actually came home and he was like,
are you kidding me? And that just stuck in my mind because I thought to myself, Tiffany, you're always so overly accommodating for people who one don't care, and your roommates weren't even here, you're accommodating them. And so I told myself to stop. I think because I came from a big family and I have four sisters, so you
always have to be accommodating. But I know for a fact that I'm overly accommodating, and like, yeah, I always remember being quiet for roommates who weren't even home for two hours.
Oh my gosh, I know that's just called being courteous. I feel guilty because I'm the opposite of that. I come in like a wrecking ball. Wherever I go, I.
Come in like a raging ball. I actually kind of like that song. I'm not gonna lie.
It's a great song.
It is. The video is weird, but it's a good song. So that's that's your brown break.
No, no, no, no, My brown break was just gonna be work because I'm finally leaving and it's been almost a year and for me taking any time off, I didn't even take off Christmas I think that's why I'm so desperate.
Oh girl, I thought you said leaving. I thought I meant like you were leaving, like quitting.
I was like on air, this girl having like I'm like, she's taking an awfully light No.
No, no, no, no, I mean quitting's not the worst thing ever happened to anybody. Happens all the time. No, I'm just taking this, taking this time off. I'm gonna go. I'm already resent, I'm already regretting how short it It's it's only eight days and I'm thinking, man, we should have done two weeks. This is what I mean. Like, you're never as happy for vacation.
Yep, until you're ready to ready to go on and right before you're about to go.
So brown break from work, brown break from email, brown break from bosses, brown break from writing, break from telephones, ringing all day long. This is going to be very nice, right. I want to know if you guys have any vacations planned? Where are you going spring break? That's what I'm trying to avoid personally.
Yeah, when is spring break?
It's like this month. I feel like it gets earlier. It's like this month and through early April. That's when people do spring break. I think it depends on what part of the country you live in. Down South it's mid March. But anyway, I just.
I'm trying to think when is the next place I'm going. I mean, honestly the two I'm also going on vacation, but I just have not been in the mindsetate to like because for me, vacation is like game on to plan it because you know, I'm like always looking for the best deal and doing search and I just can't buy vacation. So the planning of it is stressful in itself.
But I have an easy solution for you. Just to plan a vacation with your Dominican in laws and they will just make it impossible for you to plan anything because they will not have their act together. And then you'll just go. You'll just they'll one day they'll call and say we're ready to go, and then you just book your flight two weeks before the vacation. Well lest you going done.
But you know, I, I mean, the good thing is that I do have, Like I think, in July, I'm booked to speak once in like Miami and then another in La in California, and Superman and Supergirl are gonna come with me to California, So I'm excited. It's their first trip to California. So we're gonna go to La and then we're gonna drive to San Diego and like hang out with my girl Diessa, who's one of my thaives. I'm just like enjoy. And then I actually got booked
to speak in New Orleans in December. And I'm curious, for those of you who live in Nola, how is New Orleans? And like November December, is it really cold? And chili?
Just so I know, I think a little chili, but the least you won't have the humidity of the summertime in the fall.
Yeah, no, but New Orleans is in December.
Yeah, you won't have all that humidity.
Oh that's true. That's true because I remember New Orleans is the first time that I actually what is it that I actually was like officially dehydrated, Like I was walking down the tree. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I thought I had never felt like that before, and I'm like, it is something wrong, Tiffany. I just I was literally weaving through the street. I felt like I was drunk, and I stumbled into a gay bar and I knew it was a gay bar because they all looked at me like, uh, I think
you might being a wrong place. It was all men, but he could just tell that. I was like, I don't, I don't feel well. He said, ooh, honey, that the heat done got to you. And I was like, well, he's like, you're dehydrated. So they made me sit down and they pumped me full of water, and he was right. I didn't even know.
I'm like, it's really hard to stay hydrated at conferences. Do you notice that?
Yes?
Because well, if I carry around your own water supply, yeah you do. But oh I wouldn't. I wanted to ask earlier. If you guys have vacations you got planned or dream vacations you want to write us about that'd be fun to share. You can email us at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com. Yes, Or if you have vacation disasters you want to share it too, Those are always fun. Oh god, I'm gonna drink myself knock on wood. I don't want a disaster. I don't want
the Zecra virus. That's my biggest fear. No, the Zeka is in Dominican Republic. That's where I'm going. It is.
And my mother sent me because she's a nurse. She always sends me stuff. So she sent me like an email with like updates and stuff. So she's like obsessed with, like I don't know, diseases.
She's always tell me anything I don't want to know before I go. I got I got one hundred okay, and long sleeves, you know, And you.
Don't have to for Dominican Republic. You didn't have to go get like.
Any shots, right, Nope, but I hope not.
No, I don't think so doubtful nope.
Any who, I think that wraps up brown Bree.
I believe so well, we gotta do some tips, man.
Yeah. We got actually quite a few emails about your pack underwear confession.
Ohoos, you know what I know. People were like, oh, tif any wears pack underwear. Yes, I have no problem being honest about it. I'm wearing a pack. I'm wearing underwear from a pack as we speak.
Okay, congrats, No, but.
I do want to switch. I want to change my ways. So what do they say? What do they say?
Well, what's funny is well, a couple people had recommended in places. One of them said Journal, which in my experience is a very kind of expensive lingerie place. Okay, someone said Nordstrum, Macy's, department stores, department stories. But one woman, I'm not gonna call her out because I don't think she wants her business out there. I was talking about how she wears pack underwear, but she throws them away every month.
Oh every month? Who throws every month? I'm like, I'm not about that.
Life have underwear from comin.
I'm gonna lie, I still have underwear. I'm like, you can help one more time of the month. Yes he got your special, Like yeah, no, okay, so but I did. Somebody you guys tweeted me thank you so much. Like someone tweeted me at the Budgetista that north Strum's was a good place, but it's a little pricey. But I think I'm gonna try Coles this weekend, and I'm also gonna try Macy's because you know, Macy's always has coupons on coupons, and I know what I probably have to
do is like what Mandy said, is that right? You said, like, once I kind of find like a brand that I like, then I can just that can be my go to brand. That's really the problem is that it's hard for me to find like underwear that fits that are comfortable, and so I have to kind of go through a few of them before I find like this is my go to brand. I could just pick up my underwear whenever I'm ready for it, because I still got to find like bras that I like. So I know, I got
to get fitted by north Stum. So you know, I'm gon I'm gonna keep guys updated with my underwear situation. Since you're so interested.
Listen, everybody has to wear well, everyone should wear underwear. It's a universal topic, all right. So le's gettingto some real questions. I think we can do two this week because we have a couple well, we have one last week that we wanted to get to that we forgot about for our friend Darla. Darla wanted to know how do you respond to a family family member who asks you to borrow money.
That's a good one.
Have this. I've had this happen to me. Has this happened to you?
Has it? Well? Yeah, yeah, of course, But I always say it depends who it is, so how much yes, because honestly, typically like my family members don't ask. So on occasion, like a sister of like, we'll ask, but that's rare. Like I can honestly say, my older sister Karen has never asked. My sister Tracy, in all of our years, has asked me once. The baby, she doesn't count. She's just a she's a revolving door of money, so she doesn't ask to borrow money. She just says, can
I have so you know the baby? Yes, you know, the baby of five girls, So she's just like a baby. But so it depends. So if if I was lending money to my my sisters, my older sisters and anybody but the baby, then I know that it's something serious. So cause it's it's such a rare occurrence, I'm like, you need to borrow money? Are you okay? You know? Now the baby, I'm like, what do you need it for? What am I gonna get it back? What are you
going to do with it? Show me what you got because I already know that her borrowing money might not be the best use of whatever she's gonna do with my money. But other than that, like my parents don't ask, my extended family does not ask. So I'm really fortunate. But Superman, oh my gosh, he is a bank of Superman. I mean a day does not go by, like literally, he lent money to a cousin, just got it back and not even but not even two days later, they
asked to borrow money. I'm like, like, it doesn't even make sense, like and I told him, I'm like, at some point you have to just say, this is ridiculous because they're not even giving it back to you for you to have it. They're giving it back to you to hold for them for when they need it next time.
And so like a keev alone, can you hold this for me?
Because you know money the next week.
It's an interesting situation. It's not quite what she was talking about. But what do you do when your partner it's your partner who's giving money to family, and when you're even I but it's even worse when you're married and your money is tied up together. Yes you know.
So this is what I've done to help with me and Superman because we live together, we share finances and stuff. And so what I learned is this is what works best for him, is that before like his check, when he gets it, I sat down, we talked about his goals, and then we had his check from his job automatically split into those goals. So he has a daughter who's nine, so he puts money in her college fund. We have a joint savings account, so money automatically goes there. He
has a bill's account, so money automatically goes there. So basically everything is kind of split already, and then kind of what's left. I've learned that he could do whatever he wants with it because he's already taken care of the things that he's supposed to be responsible for, and so I just learned to be like, well, if he wants to lend out, lend his money away, then okay,
it's not you know what I mean. So I've just learned to just be like, as long as what needs to be taken care of is taken care of, that excess is really his choice and his decision. And honestly it speaks to his character because he's just a really genuous, nice person. Although sometimes it's like just it just blows my mind how generous he is, but ultimately it doesn't take away from our household.
Yeah, I would say when it comes to family members or even friends, every time I and that's not terribly often, but whenever I give money to people or loan money to people, I always think, Okay, that was not a loon. That was a gift, and I don't want to get that money back, and I don't need that money back. And if I can feel okay saying I definitely don't
need this money back, then I'll loan it. Because I feel like you're gonna lend family members' money, you have to be realistic with the fact that they may not pay you back. Yeah, you know, they may really be needing it. And I think every family member wants to say, when they're asking for money, oh well, it's going to be a loon, I'll pay it back, pay it back. But I don't know. I feel like when I give money away, I'm not expecting it back. It's great if
it comes back. Yeah, But that just for me, that instantly reduces that tension. It instantly removes any sort of future, any tension, or any chance of an argument, because I don't have anything to be, you know, upset about in my own head. That was alone, that I a gift that I gave somebody. So that's my litmus test. I'm like, can I afford. I'll only give what I can afford, not to give back.
Yes, that's definitely a good idea.
That's what I'm saying.
But what if it's somebody important, Like what if it's like your mom who's like, you know.
Oh, I definitely wouldn't want that back.
Yeah, no, no, but meaning like, like what if your mom is like, you know, we don't have it and we really need help, and you really don't. It's it would put a strain on you to give, you know what I mean, Like, there's certain people who I can easily be like no, girl, bye, and there's certain people You're like, h do I put myself in financial harm's way to make sure my mom is okay?
Yes?
Yeah, no, I agree. But I'm just saying that what if, Like, but what if your mom or someone like that, someone who you know looked after you, took care of you, is constantly coming Because I've had that, I mean, I get this from a lot of women, especially women in my age range, especially women of color, who have you know, they're the first in their family to go to college, they're making the most in their family, and people who
kind of helped them along the way grandma mom. So not just random auntie and uncle, but like those people who really cared for them are literally bringing them down financially, and they're like, how do I tell my mother no? And she needs medication and she needs food, and you know, well, I.
Think that, I mean, that's a danger, that's a I've experienced that. I know people who have too. I think that it's it's if it gets to the point where they're actually putting a straight on you, then I think it's time for you to have a conversation with them and maybe readjust their expectations of what you can give. If they've been looking to you as a source of emergency cash, they need to know that that cash is going to run dry and that they won't be able
to lean on you. And they've been going to you, you know, that's easier to them, that's become the default, and you need to let them know nicely that hey, I don't know what you think my situation is, but I really don't have this much. I can afford to give you this much. If you need help, let me help you find another means of income. But I've definitely also had one of my you know, I don't even know.
A cousin of a cousin of a cousin email me randomly and was like, Yo, cuz it's can I get a ticket to New York?
You know? And I'm like, uh right, I'm sorry, Right, I mean, that's.
Easy to say no too, It's it's definitely hard when it's your family. And I think moms, you know, I've watched I've seen mothers who have a really hard time obviously saying no to their kids. The kid might have issues just whether not just being lazy, but they may have issues with drugs or you know, other sort of substance abuse, and they become this this huge burden on them, and in that case, it's almost impossible to turn them away. Yeah, and it's your blood.
Yeah it is. And so the only thing we can say, what's the woman's name that wrote us, Darla? Darla? Is the transparency, help sitting down and communication and really sharing, like, you know, if this is what I can afford to do with those people, and for those people who you kind of know, like if it's your mom and she's like, we don't have food or medicine, that's something different. But if it's your uncle, who's like, you know, we really
need help. It's another thing to just be like, you know what, I don't have it, because people figure out a way when they know you can't do it, they figure out a way, you.
Know, And if you let them, if you show that you're an easy to begin with, they will remember that and continue tapping the well. And I think women tend to feel like you know, they want to Like we said earlier, we want to please, we want to provide, we want to take care of people. But you have to take care of yourself first, and especially I have
a family, kids, and this goes for men too. That's your priority, your family and your kids first, just like you said Superman, as you know, as long as the priorities are paid for first and he can do whatever he wants with the rest. Don't guilt yourself and to give you money to anybody. Yeah, question number two this is from oh how do I say this, Charlisia? Okay, Charlicia says, oh, she really loved the episode about the
FU Fund. Yes, and that was all about having a little money set aside for you to just say you, F you to a bad boyfriend, f you to a bad job, F you to a waiter who you know is rude to you for whatever reason, just f you fund so, she says, So she's dating somebody, let me make sure. Oh yeah, I'm dating an amazing man. But when I have mentioned that I have a pot of money, a pot of my own money on the side, against my mother's advice to not tell him until after we
were married, he was not receptive to it. She gives us some context. I'm his only girlfriend since college, and he's a person who does not love often, but loves hard. His parents divorced, and he feels like wanting my own little pot of side cash is a sign that I'm not all of course. Okay, she says, to be honest, I struggle with this too. I don't want to be I don't want to be planning an exit, but I like the idea of a separate account for whatever may happen. I want to do it, but I don't want to
keep that a secret. She wants to know what our thoughts are in juggling an independent how to be an independent and prepared woman versus making sure that the guy she loves knows that she's one hundred percent all in.
I you know, what I think it was the presentation because for example, Superman and I, like I said, I have a bill's account. He has a bill's account, We have a one joint savings account. He has money in his daughter's account, and then he has like other moneies, like he has another savings and some other things. But I don't. And it's not a secret that he has those things. But I don't. I don't know what everything is. And I will say, he's my boyfriend, so we're not married,
but and me too. He knows that I have savings accounts and I have other things, and I have a business with that has its own savings accounts, and so I don't. I didn't present those accounts as a just in case fund because nobody really wants to hear that that's just stuff, you know, like right that exactly, So I can see why he's feeling that way, because presentation
is everything. If it's just like, oh, you have you have your bill money, and this is where I have some of my bill money, and it's more like that this is just an account that you have because all of our money is not our money. You're gonna have some money that's yours, and I'm gonna have some money that's mine. It's not money set aside specifically for it should I have to leave you, you know what I mean.
So I think if if that I mean, I'm not saying that's how you presented it, but if that's how you he received it, then you might want to go back and say, Babe, this account is not for should I have to leave you? This is just my money. You know, we're paying bills together, we have savings together.
And see they're not married, they're just dating.
Okay, So then that's I think maybe going back and just saying like, no, just like you have money, I mean, we don't have a If you don't have any joint savings and joint money together, then he has whatever whatever accounts that he has, it's not with you, technically similar accounts that you have without him. So I just think representing it and repositioning it in a way that it's not an exit strategy fund.
It's just a fund, right, And I think maybe I think, well, what I'll say initially is that if he's truly upset by the fact that you have a little money on the side, is this an issue that you should be worried about I think that if a man is threatened by a woman who has a little bit of cash on the side, it can be a And I'm not saying this is the case at all, because I don't know all the context, but I feel like it can be a sign that he is intimidated by someone having
what he thinks as an exit, like he's afraid that you might leave and actually have the means to leave, rather than feeling like, Oh, I found a woman who's really independent and can take care of herself and is smart and saves a head. And I don't know if it sounds like he's telling himself that that narrative in his head, like you said, he's you know, the divorce, and so am I and we see that and we worry. And I think a lot of that worry is maybe happening in his own mind and he's just sort of
projecting that onto you in this savings account. But I agree with Tiffany to talk to him again about it and just let him know you are all in this money is something that you feel is important to have for your own financial security. If it's to the point where you guys can do this or want to do this, why don't you present the idea of creating a pot of money you both can save for or have, you know, put toward a common goal, whether it's the wedding or whatnot.
But I definitely feel like being open and honest is important I I personally, and maybe I did it way too soon because I am just like I don't have any filter. And I also because I talk to people about their finances every day, I forget that it's awkward. I forget that people don't like doing it. And so early on when we moved in together, me and my fiance, I was like, Okay, what do you have? Where is it at? And here's what I have, and here's where
it's at. And I and I kind of we continue sort of doing that, and we would, I would, you know, want to make sure because so where are we at
with this? Where's the savings? Where's the credit dead? And I mean not like overbearing, but I'm really really because I grew up in a household where money was such a hush hush topic and the only time manyone was talking about as if they were fighting about it, I really wanted to make it more of a positive, normal conversation to have and I wanted him to know where I was and for me to know where he was.
You know, I didn't want to go into marriage blind and and I feel like we were stronger because of that. I'm not saying it was always easy. It wasn't awkward. We didn't fight about some stuff, you know, when I tried to push too much to get the information that I wanted. But I don't think you should keep it secret. I think you did the right thing. I think it's just a I think you'll continue probably having this conversation.
You'll see when you're in relationship, you'll continue talking about the same things, and you'll think you get over it. He's down with the savings account, and then it'll come up a year from now, and you'll just have to keep revisiting it and reiterating sort of what you've said before. But I feel like that's just part of relationships.
Yeah, it is. And so you just it's like a dance that you do. I always say, especially in the beginning, I don't know how long you've been dating him, I always say, you know, when you start a relationship, it's like dancing with the guy for the first time, or whoever, for the first time on the dance floor, both of you guys are like trying to figure out each other's rhythm, like wait, okay, wait, okay, no you go first, okay wait, and then you know, the longer you dance, you start
to just know people's movements. And then you see people who have been together for a long time and they're in sync with each other, because that takes time, and it's okay not to be in sync right away, you know, just learning the keywords and the buzzwords that kind of like make him feel uncomfortable because you might be saying the same thing, but saying it in a different way could change everything. So just give it time and open open communication and transparency are.
Key, alrighty. If you guys have any questions, you can email us at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com. Detailed questions are always preferred, and let us know if you want us to say your name or not. I kind of just call people out.
I'm sorry, I want to.
I just feel like if you don't want your name to be said, then you would say, don't say.
Monday, say my name, say my name. Do you want to end with any wins?
I would love to end with a win. What was my oh my win this week? Well, can we set it up actually do the whole win thing? Okay for editing purposes, Okay.
You go.
Do you want to do the win win Okay?
Yeah, that's like your saying, all right, so let's start again, all right. All I do is win, win, win, no matter what. I never know the second line. I don't really care.
We established this last week so much so that one of my friends text and they were like, yay, you got the second line.
Oh well friend, sorry, Oh that's cute. Our friends are like, what you have? You have a podcast? I'm like, you know what you know?
I don't know what. I love that they listen. But at the same time, I'm like, okay, you're gonna pick apart everything I said this week. Okay, good, here we go.
And I'm glad. I'm like, like, definitely a lot of people I know listen, but like as far as like my close close friends, no, because I'm like they're gonna be like really packed under her Tiffany.
Really they're really close. They should know by now.
So what is your win my win this week?
I don't know. If you watch the show Blackish, do you yes? Love it.
Did you watch this week's episode? No, but I saw that clip that you're about to probably give a win too.
I haven't seen the clip. What clip? I just I didn't do the whole episode.
Oh well, they talked about like when she was like, don't worry, you're not going to get shot. That couldn't be you, and she goes in. They go in to say, yes, that could be you to their kids, like, I guess they're watching like a case on TV about a young black dady. Yeah.
Yeah, let me let me do the whole thing, okay. I mean, because the whole context for the show is this episode. It was called Hope okay, and I knew it was going to be about Black lives matter, although they never really said black lives matter in the whole episode now that I think about it. But they were handling the Black Lives Matter movement and all these instances of police brutality against black men and black women. They handled it in such a cool way. And I was
worried going in. I was like, it's sitcom. How do they're really funny? How are they going to make Black lives matter funny? And they managed to do it, and the way that they did it. I mean the family and the show. It's a mom and dad and then four hilarious kids. There's the two twins who are about how they're like eleven. I don't know how they old, like nine to eleven years old. I'm really bad at
like age perception of children. Then you got the older kids who are like maybe fifteen and seventeen, and they're all sitting around watching CNN and they are watching I think it's a fictional case that's happening. They're waiting for to see whether these cops will be indicted for shooting an unarmed black man. And the entire episode is them in the living room. That's the only set there is really okay, the whole episode from start to finish, they're
sitting in front of the TV. It's almost like a play, like a like a one act play or something. And the kids come in and they get the young kids want to know where. They say, you know, why is everybody so mad? And then the mom and dad go back and forth because the dad wants to tell them and the mom wants to protect them, and the teenage son wants to go out because after the indictment comes down and after there's no indictment. He wants to go.
There's all these riots in the city. He wants to go downtown, and the dad wants to let him and the mom doesn't. And it's a really, I think, authentic picture of the struggle parents have when their kids can see everything. You know, back in the day, in the nineteen the sixties, seventies, like there were no twitters or facebooks. You could really turn the TV off and that was it. Your kids were not going to see anything. And now
there's no way you can't shut off. There's too many screens and outlets, Like kids are exposed to all this stuff. And I just thought the show and Kenya Harris, who's the I think she is the creator and the writer of the show, did an amazing job tackling that subject matter and doing a really authentic depiction of what it's like for families today.
I saw like the clip a clip of it, and I was like, Wow, this is great. So I think I might I'm not really a big TV person and I never got into Blackish because I just don't watch TV, but I think I might might have to do.
So. It's a funny, it's quirky, it's so quirky that you'll be surprised they even did Black. I thought they would just you know, I never thought they would do it because it's such a quirky and funny show. I mean, the first of all, the kids are hilarious. The two little kids, Diane I think her name is Marquise, might be getting that wrong, Marquis or something like that. The kids are amazing, and you know, it has Tracy Ellis
Ross and yeah, it's a good show. And now I'll be a loyal fan because I thought that was just really well done.
Okay, Black Ash, we see you, all right. So I found my wind via Google on my phone. So apparently the Oscars, which are happening soon.
Sunday, I will not see them, and I'm okay with that.
And so there are a bunch of black Hollywood stars that are skipping the Oscars to attend a Justice for flat benefit. Our Faith is going to be there. Jesse you know, we.
Love him, Jesse from Empire.
No, Jesse him, Jesse Williams. Yes, our Faith, Abra Duvene, ournother fave is going to be there, and a bunch of other people. So they're like, you know, and I don't know that it's an anti oscar statement versus a pro Flint Michigan statement.
You know I like that.
Yeah, me too, Like it's one thing just to stay home, but why not do something with that time? Like, you know, why not? I just think that this is a great idea I would love to see. Not to say Jada Pinkett Smith doesn't do like you know what she does for child She does, like what isn't it child sex traffic? Yes, you know, so people act like Jada doesn't do anything,
but she does. But it would be nice to see that if you're going to stay home from the oscars, then putting that energy towards something it doesn't have to be Flint, but towards something else, and bringing attention towards something else like one thing. I mean, I know this for sure, but it's hard sometimes is that we have to remember that what you put your energy toward is what you kind of bring forth in your life. So you could be anti something. I think they quoted Mother Teresa.
You know, I was about to say instead of mother Teresa, I was about to say Queen LA'TI f oh oh, But the Queen's awesome too, So Mother Teresa. They asked her if she would ever attend an anti war rally and she said no, I would never And they said why not, and she said, I would instead attend a pro peace rally because what you put your energy toward, you know, what you focus on is really what you
grow in your life. And just reminding that's just a little reminder for me too, like this week, like put your energy toward good things and that's what you see and that's what you get. And I like that they're putting their energy toward something positive versus just anti oscars.
Oh, I totally agree. That's awesome. Oh and it's co hosted by Ryan Coogler, he directed Creed. Mm hmm, that's cool. You know, I feel like this is a really like you said, it's a good reminder to actually do something. When you say, oh, if you're not for the state of America right now, then what are you doing to make it better?
Mm?
Hm, you know, don't wait around for someone to fix it for you. That's great. I wonder I Phil, we can be invited now since we support this. I hear it's open an event. We had to pay thousands of dollars to go.
No, I don't think so whatch for Flint?
Where's my where's my invite? At? Ashtack? Justice for Flint?
Yes, the winds, the winds, the winds. I'm glad we always end with a win. It's just a little little up, little uptick.
You know. This reminded me real quick of a mini win. The New York Times did that whole feature on like what it's like to be in Hollywood if you're not a white man.
I didn't see that.
It's good. Everyone go to New York Times and look it up. Yeah, it's awesome. It's yeah, it's up there. It's up there. It's going to be the magazine this weekend too. But who you know? You can read a line now, Oh, I know I get the magazine. I know who reads it. I do because I pay for it, But no one else does. I know.
Honestly, y'all think that I'm the shady one. Mandy. It's like,
and you know it's so crazy, Mandy. I don't know what it is about me, But all of my friends that I love the most, you have like the identical personality to my best friend Drina, to my CEO who I love Sierra, like all of my like friends, not all of them, but a great number of like my friend's friends, all have this similar like like just lovable but definitely sassy and like like this like shady on on the low sometimes personalities, And I'm like, I wonder
why I track these people. Maybe because secretly I wish that I could be.
Like your mind, you're a good cop.
Yes, that bad cop.
I love being bad cop.
Yes, and they do too. What Drina loves it. She's like, girl, I start with not liking you, and then you earn your way to like it. I'm like really, but she's like, no, I'm always you know. What it is is that I'm always like everybody's great. And she's like, well, let's see.
That.
Yes, I know, And I'm like, that's why I love Maddy so much. I'm like, you just remind me of all all my favorite people. That was the back hitm No, it wasn't, because I just like when people are not afraid to not always have to be lovable, because I have not quite mastered the art of not feeling like I have to be likable at all times, you know.
I feel like by the time you get to Wanda, you'll have learned.
Oh yes, I cannot wait. I feel like Wanda is gonna be cussing and fussing and enjoying it.
Wanda has zero fucks to give, but anybody's opinion, mss Wanda. I can't wait for Miss Wanda. I love timmany, but we'll get to ms Wanda one day.
So are you, Dory? So what have you decided?
I think I'll be Dorry Okay, Dorry, Dory eleanor when I'm being fancy.
Yes, when we are signing off, Wanda and Dory, we will check y out later.
Next time I talk to you, I will be hopefully three shades browner oo and nice and the last Yes. All right, have a great week you too.
Bye bye