Hey, hey, hey, we're back, We're black, We're growing insane.
Hey, Mantra, how are you?
You know?
Thank you for asking? Not great, not great, great, but not great. I just I think everyone has their I'm
just feeling loopy, but in a good way. I think my two months it's been over two months in quarantine for us, and I feel like I'm at the point now where the adrenaline has stuffed, Like the adrenaline that was getting me through those you know, especially because I manage your team and you won't be strong for your team, and just like the adrenaline of checking in with them in order equipment that they might need and making for the team is still putting out your work.
And all that kind of stuff.
We're good now, and I just sort of like had the realization this week that this is going to be this isn't going to be it for a while, Like I need to pace myself. I feel like I gave the last two months so much of my energy and I was just so defleted, and I took yesterday off. I took it off. I was I just can't. And I wonder who else is out there feeling that way.
But yeah, I think I went way too hard, was way too od my game the first two months, and now I'm just it's catching up to me and I just feel just like loopy and ineffective at all the things I'm trying to do, whether it's work, parenting. I just you know, it's like I don't feel like I'm being very good at anything. But my therapist that that's okay. She was like, gave us a white girl, and I said, okay, but it's hard. So that's that's what's happening in my world.
How are you?
I am good? Did I tell you that I got my house appraised? And I was like, I feel like our blackness played a role.
Wait, why would they know your race?
Well, because we had to open the damn door for them, because you know, so here was I'd read this article that you know that there is a racial bias cost when it comes to homes and black folks own homes. That's that when appraisers come, there's this unconscious and sometimes maybe conscious bias that black homes are just not worth as much.
They've done all these research and study.
You guys can do your googles and read the New York Times and what they found or homes that were.
In similar neighborhoods.
All things being equal, there's a lot of money lost when that happens.
Like I think it was like in two thousand.
I'm looking at CNN, Like in twenty eighteen, they said homeowners lost one hundred and fifty six billion dollars by living in black neighborhoods. Right, So anyway, I just felt like I had my home like semi appraised by like a like a realtor that was real looking to sell, and the amount that she said that, like, if I was going to listen, I'd listed for this because there were just two homes in your area that just sold for literally this week, that just sold for like six
hundred thousand dollars. And although your house is not as big, it has these other things that it didn't have, you know, basically doing all the things.
Are you thinking of selling it? Is that why?
Well?
I wanted to get appraisal because I wanted you know, our home is paid off, but I really wanted to I felt like having all of this equity sitting in the house, I would rather put the money to work, And so I wanted to pull out maybe like two hundred, two hundred fifty thousand dollars and either purchased another rental property, invest do something I wanted. That's why I I wanted to my husband and I talked about it. We talked about with our CFP, and she was actually shocked because
she knows how anti debt I am. But because I have enough money saved that if I wanted to just pay off the house again tomorrow, if I felt freaked out, I could, so she was like, Okay, yeah, I mean, typically I think it's a wise move, but I just know you and debt.
You're sure you're gonna be a good girl, but I am.
Our mortgage is actually not going to be that much, about twelve hundred dollars. So because we're moving into these you know these times, I said, huh, you know, there might be a home that would be you know, we might be able to buy investment property that would be on sale. We might be able to up our I have a goal of being fully financially free it within the next ten years, and I know how much I need to put aside for that, so it would contribute
to that as well. And you know, we have the investment property, the ten thousand dollars property that we're we're renovating. So yeah, So anyway, the guys were really nice and if you know our house, it's tricked out.
Okay, we did all the things.
Like we live in an older neighborhood and I'm talking about old people. I'm talking about older neighborhood like that that the houses are all built in the nineteen twenties, nineteen ten so and oftentimes a lot of these houses they don't have AC, they don't have updating plumbing. We have all of that. Like when we moved in, we have all new electric. We have AC units, these beautiful picture frame units in every single bedroom. We have like,
like I said, all new electrical. We also did insulation throughout the whole house. So all of these extras. So I was like, eh, what I got a praised for was about to me twenty five about twenty five thousand dollars less than what I thought it was going to be a praise for. So I was kind of like, I turned around all our black pictures though to so but I was like, you know, me and black Drew, my husband, we were in there, so it wasn't I honestly had the I we said to myself, if I
was ever going to sell my house. That was going to take down all the black things, and then I was going to have my one white friend, Catherine, like be there for the appraisal.
You're my friend, but I have a budget, you know.
Yeah, it's not the same that you even have to because I don't even know, you don't know for sure. There's that player role. I mean it does play a role, but it doesn't mean to play the role with them. But to me, I would hedge my bets. That was always my plan. So I'm not too pissed, only because we're not looking to sell. We were just looking to
pull out some money. So yeah, that was just like I just remember thinking that, like, huh did we not get that the amount that I thought because we're black, Because I mean they kept saying, amazing house, beautiful house.
Oh my goodness.
I mean every into this place is renovated.
So I was just like, I wonder, I mean, it'd be really, it would be so hard to tell. You would need to create a similar situation with the white owner, similar respect to that, you know, similar neighborhood like all that. But no, I have no doubt that that happens. And it's quite sad. What about getting a second or third opinion. I know that appraisals cost money, but.
Yeah, well no, only the only reason why I didn't push. If we were looking to sell.
Then yes, absolutely, But because we're looking to pull money out, we're when we're looking to sell, we're going to get another appraisal anyway.
So I was just like, eh, we're not.
Even when you're talking about a home equity alone.
No, because we're not. This is literally a refinance. They call it a refinance cash.
Out, Oh, cash out refinance. Yeah, sorry, I must have been looking at my notes when you said that cash out refund, so that's when you mm hmmm, I got it. Yeah, but still they would do their own appraisal. I think the Wonderwood exactly everything so review.
Yeah.
Yeah, so that's why I said I'm not worried about it for now. But it's just kind of like mental note. You're right, you totally need to get Catherine open the door next time, you know.
So yeah, I mean that's sad, and it's also something that's sort of out of your control, especially like when I was when we did when we got our house approved appraisal. We live our neighborhood is I call it
a diamond in the rough because it is. And one of the things that appealed to me, it's so funny that you said you would take all the you know, black things out of your house, the picture frames and the whatever could let lead people to believe, you know, which is so just ridiculous to me anyway, that it
was owned by, you know, a black family. But that was one of the things that I liked about this house, in this neighborhood is that I could just see I don't think it's legal for real estate agents to tell you this, but I could see neighborhoo. It was really diverse, especially for the area of the Burbs where we live. It's not that common. And I had my own perceptions about what happens when you go thirty minutes out of New York City. I had my own stereotypes of what
kind of people live there. And we did find a really diverse neighborhood. And I'll never forget when I walked into the kitchen, I just I could feel it was a black family. Like I just it just felt like my aunt Brenda's house, you know, it just and she had this this like Maya. This man and woman like salt pepper shakers, but they were they were African American salt pepper shakers, and I was like, this is so
cute and it just felt like a good fan. I don't know, but you're right, it could totally work against
you the other way. And there's so much that goes sadly along with majority minority neighborhoods that is not you know, is not the fault of the people who live there at all, but you know, tend to have lower uh not the best school districts, and you know, lower income, which feeds into property taxes, which feeds into public services, which you know, it just like is a self fulfilling prophecy that that's not going to be an ideal place, but you know it's a dam Yeah.
Because we considered it, because I was like, okay, so once we reach a certain level of income, we were talking about do we do we move? Do we move like super suburb? And I considered it because there's some other there's like Montclair. I don't know if you've heard of Montclair before.
It's like, oh, we oh, we looked at Montclair. Girl too expensive a.
Girl it is, oh and it's super super funcy, and I was just like, but there's something to be said, Like I take a walk every day now, just something to be said is the neighborhood. It's I mean, we have a mix here as well, so you get lots of black families, lots of Hispanic families, we have some white families.
So there's something to be.
Said to walk in my hoodie and my sweats and people not clutch their bag and stuff.
You know, there's everything to get said about it. It's sad. Truth.
Yeah.
So I'm like, I can live.
I could see me and Superman moving to like this Montclair or some of these other places. But the truth is he's six six and like two shades lighter than Jet Black. And I don't want him to feel uncomfortable, you know what I mean, Or like I don't. We don't have to think about it here, like this is Newark, it's New k it's largely a black city, and then we have like a large Hispanic and Portuguese population, and so you know, you can just be here and be black.
He doesn't have to think about it, like if he comes home at night, it's not the clutching of my pearls. It's like, oh, well, for the most part, we're black around here, so okay. So I just was thinking. I was thinking that the other day because I was kind of like making a list of like okay, well, Tiffany, as you're making.
More and you're doing better, like, well, what do you want?
I remember thinking to myself, I think I want a different house because I don't want to be on the third floor when I'm fifty.
We have a nice third fourth suitep but my knees girl, right, So I was like, oh, where would you get it? Oh, maybe Montclair or.
Maybe these other places. And I was like, yeah, but is that really where you? Like there's a beauty Coulpon probably find a beautiful house here because there's just a certain level of, you know, being in a neighborhood where folks look like you and you.
Can at least boossa Like.
I love the fact that, like we live next to a Dominican family, and I just love like we go outside and if it's barbecue time, they're playing in music and they're like, mommy, you want anything. And it's not the sense of like, oh, y'all playing music, because then when it's our party and Drel's playing hip hop.
You know what I mean, Not that.
There's no Karen's next door, yes exactly.
Because well we do have a Karen across the street.
And yeah, but she came for the whole food.
What I mean, Well, it's actually not Karen.
I guess it's a literally well I'm not gonna say his name because actually his name starts with the K. But he one day came to our house, Keith, aggressively because someone had parked up and their bumper was blocking his driveway, and so he rang our doorbell right right right, I'm singing him on the ring. I wasn't even home, and so he's like, someone bumpers dropping, you know, blocking my driveway. I scraped my Mercedes trying to get in. So one I was like, that seems odd because who
would scrape their own car trying to get in? Why not just find the person first and.
Love how we had to drop the name of the car too, That was understanding, yes.
And so it turned out it was my husband's twin brother, and so I mean we know them across the street. I mean we were fairly friendly. He was like, you know, your car is blocking my driveway he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. He's like, where you're going. He's like, oh, I'm going to decide to get the keys so I can move my car. He's like okay, So he waits for him and then starts berating him, don't ever do this again. And meanwhile, my husbands twin they're twin twins,
so he's six six as well. He's like, okay, I heard you. I'm sorry I scraped my car. Okay, well, don't be sorry, be careful. And he was like wow, yes. So he was like, all right, man, I hear you. And so I guess it wasn't enough.
I don't know. Maybe he was drunk. He kicked his car.
Oh god, yes?
And then so and then to his credit, my twin did not do anything. He just said come on man. And then the dude puts his fists up and says, let's go.
So this is on your ring, Please tell me the ring? Oh fabulous, Well you can you have evidence? You know? For those What a damn shame, isn't it. You need a camera these days.
But I'm so glad because something that he did is I'm like, I don't speak to them anymore because I could have forgiven all of that. So luckily, because you know, like he's a small white man. Twin was just like, all right, man, it just goes across street while he's being yelled at and cursed at whatever and just come back in the house. So I'm watching, and so I hear him tell his partner partner, call the police, Call the police. That's when I was like, oh yes, That's
when I was like wow. And so my sister happened to be at my house and she's like, oh my god, I heard yelling outside, and so I was in I was actually in California taping the reel. So I was like, well, let me look at my ring and I saw all of that, and I was like, wow, call the police.
Actually, so this wasn't I thought this happened like this week.
No, no, no, this happened like a little while ago. Yeah, but it just happened to thinking because you said like like, I don't live next Tony Karens, And I'm like, I live next door Ken though, and so yeah, so I told my husband because he the guy across the street, ended up calling my husband to say, your brother was so this, you know, trying to cop police and I just told Superman, just send him the ring videos one by one. It was four collectively, send him each one
and don't say anything. All of a sudden, you know, his tune change.
I'm so sorry. I'm ashamed of my behavior. You weren't ashamed until we had you on video.
Wow.
So we just keep it as insurance. So if they you know, you want to get you want to act up, you can get smacked up. So we we I never we never get it. We didn't call the police, we did anything. I just keep it with me. We keep it saved. So if you know, if ever anything, it's cause we can be like, well, actually let me show you how you behave so you just gotta be mindful. That's why I was like, do I really want to live in Montclaire?
M m, well, you know side note mark, Montclair is supposed to be the biracial capital I've heard, but it's I would have my people racially confused people. But for that reason alone, like, no, I get it, you want and I'm the same way, or you know we are that well, we're the Dominican you know, racially ambiguous family next door. Yes we are, but we have plenty of
lovely neighbors. Goodness gracious. Yeah, and I feel like in this time, you want to feel like you have good neighbors because they're all b C. And our neighbor's next door, you know, the little kiddie walks our dog, he's so sweet,
and then his his mom and dad. You know, we've we took them a little Easter arrangement because I don't know, I just felt like I wanted to see some flowers, and so I got some flowers for them, and then they brought us a Mother's Day gift, brought me a Mother's Day gift over, and then my neighbor across the street, Paulette, is always texting me, and anyway, it feels like we have this cute little I don't know, I just I feel more than ever like I want to reach out
to these people and just say, hey, we're here, and we are you know, nice people, and how are you? And have some because they're the only people we can
see in person, you know, And it sucks. I know, I said I was going a little bit loopy, but legitimately, when I do my one on ones now with people on my team, the ones who were living in studio, apartments or living on alone wherever they are, they're the ones really struggling, and I try and check in with them more often than not, and they're all kind of feeling the fatigue of just not we just we need physical connection, social connection to people, and a lot of it,
doesn't it feel. I mean, I don't know what's happening on your world, but I just feel like over here it's starting to get to people. And I'm not even near a breaking point, you know, I thank god. I still I still talk to my therapist once a week. I still have the anti anxiety meds that I started long before this all happened, not long before before. It
was a good time. I'm just saying, if it wasn't going to be the post part of anxiety that was gonna get me, it was probably gonna be the pandemic anxiety. But I got my little Zola prescriptions on time, and you know, I'm just doing something. But it's the unknown. It's like how long does this lasts? And it's so anyway I feel, and all the anxiety. I was gonna say, if this happened that week with your neighbor, you almost wonder is it just people going nuts. You know, before
he sounds, he sounds next levels delightful. Makes me so mad.
Yeah, but I'm actually proud, Like I just I was like, Yo, you're better than me. Bro. I'm not even violent. I feel like I would at least pushed him when he kicked my car. But yeah, so this.
Is random but not random. Did you see there's like this big Well.
I don't know how often you're on Twitter, but black Twitter right now is dragging a particular influencer. Because no, thankfully, I'm not gonna say her name just because I feel like I don't think that that's part of the point. I feel like it's a good teachable lesson, not about the influencer. But so someone reached out to her to be their mentor and she sent them a letter like
the The letter seemed like it was really nice. It was like, you know, I'm eager to connect with another black woman who's doing the dagone thing.
I too, am like a mom.
I'm sure you get this alive and you have a lot going on with your family, but I figure we're both quarantining so you might have some time. Honestly, I thought the letter was nice, but she wrote back say like,
thank you so much for reaching out. And typically when someone inquires about me being their mentor, either one lead with offering relevant value as well as asking for guidance or in a way that it could be a two way street, or get approached me with the take take, take, take, mindset telling me what they need from me with no intention of reciprocity. Every sentence in your email and their email starts with I, this seems like number two. I
was like, like that. I was like, so I thought in lieu of that not to drive the influencer because she has since apologize and realized, like, you know, that was not the way, because I guess what made it really bad is that she shared it to social So it wasn't.
Like I was gonna say, how did this come out?
The influencer shared it herself, said hey, look someone reached out to me to be my mentor.
Isn't this crazy?
This was my response to them, So I just thought it would may be good for us, because I'm sure people have reached out to ask you to be their mentor. I know they've asked me, like you know, many people, and then I've also reached out to people to ask to be people's mentors and just maybe like sharing when someone like when someone reaches out to you, what's your
typical response and how do you typically reach out? I think that's would be good for us to share because I don't know that there's to me, there's no one good way to find a mentor, because that's a question I think people ask me a lot, how do I find a mentor? Yeah?
I love being a mentor. I am almost more into it than the person who asked me. And I feel like I come on too strong, and it's funny that it's true. I'm like, oh my god, I can't wait to tell you about this and that, and please ask me about this and that. But because I know how hungry I was for that kind of information. But I
don't know if it's the youth today or what. But the last couple of mentees I've had, I actually participate through my alma mater's official mentor program, which is kind of like it's an online dating site almost where they can pick their mentor based on you have a profile picture and your stats and your whatever, and they can pick you and you get to see them and what they're you know, if swipe left on you or whatever
the right direction is these days. If they select you that you get to see their profile and you can if you have a match, then you're their mentor for the half semester or whatever it is. I get annoyed by when they don't follow up with me, like I spent. I took time with the last mentee I had, and
I spent real time. Not only that, but I worked at one of the digital I worked at Business Insider, and a lot of people who were coming into journalism and they often talk to me because they want to get into business journalism, and when they see that I worked at BI, often they'll ask me if I know anything about internships or if I can put in a good word for them. And I have been a feeder somewhat of recruits to BI since I left, because I'm
the same recruiter. Is still the head of HR there and we have a good connection and I feel like I can reach out to her and refer her, but I don't do that lightly. And anyhow, this meante I spent maybe an hour on the phone with her, and then the next call she canceled, like five minutes before. And meanwhile, this is when I am in quarantine with a baby end of work schedule, and for me to
actually make this call work. I had just bent over backwards to make sure this was taken care of and that was taken care of, and then she bailed and then didn't send a follow up, and I just it didn't feel respectful of my time, and I was feel and I kind of my feeling's hurt because I genuinely
do want to help people. And I feel like now more than ever, people who are out there on the cusp of graduation or even just on the cusp of losing their job and need career advice, I have that advice to offer because I did go through a recession and lost my job and bounce back and all that, And so that's what's on my heart right now, just that experience. And if you don't know, and don't think, maybe this person's thinking, well, she doesn't care about me,
what's the big deal. I'm just some you know, student, she has other things going on. Who cares? She won't mind if I just cancel this, But you I hope the other person does care. I mean, it's it's a sign of respect for their time that you would follow ups and do notice take notes, you know, that kind of thing, and it's kind of a bummer when that doesn't happen.
And so like I to me, it's a mix between like because sometimes people will will a lot of people just message me and say, hey, Tiffany, I'd love to like talk to you about like how you got started doing what you're doing, and so to me, they're not necessarily looking for like mentorship.
So I have about three actually mentees that I check in with regularly, but sometimes people just want to jump on the phone. And if I have the I would say a good eighty percent. If you're a woman, there's a good ninety percent chance. If you're like, well, I'll say it's eighty percent chance. If you're a woman, ninety percent chance, if you're a black woman, ninety five percent chance.
If you're a student, like, it's very I don't think I've ever said no to a student, just because I just remember like not knowing anything and how much guidance I needed.
But because sometimes the.
Only times I say no is if I really think that it's not a fit or like sometimes some people are asking me things that I'm like, oh, well, here, this is a blog post that'll be fine or something that I wrote, But most times I say yes because you know, one I like to pour back in. I mean literally, as the budgetista I'm teach, so you can't get me to shut up. But typically those people are actually not looking for long term mentorship. Even though I leave the door open so I might talk to someone,
we might talk for an hour or so. And so if I have ever said no, and I'm not talking about like no via email, because people will DM me all the time now that I might not get to because I'm you know, I might get one hundred direct messages on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook collectively daily, so that
I might not adhere too. But if you send me an email, it's very likely that I will make time to talk on the phone if my schedule is not super crazy, because be prepared, will be on the phone at least an hour.
And I don't mind.
I like pouring back in, especially women, especially young women of color. I like pouring back in. So I don't know that there's ever one way I don't think of I've ever I'm trying to think I've ever gotten an email from someone that's asked me for advice that I was offended by no.
I mean a lot of people say, I love what you're doing.
I want to learn how to do what you do in California or Chica go with this or that, or I want to learn how to do what you do as a nurse though or as a as a you know, whatever it is that they're doing. And so I don't know that I've ever gotten any email that's offended me.
Well, I think you're getting at an important point, which is also that it doesn't have to be such a like mentorship has such a loaded, you know, connotation that this is going to last for years and I'm gonna, you know, if you if you just have a specific goal that you want to reach this year, it doesn't like don't get don't get caught up and establishing some sort of important lifelong mentorship relationship. Time will tell if
that's what happened. But if there is an often, especially with the young, because the students I mentor through the University of Georgia, they are still in school and I find that they don't know what they want to do yet, and that makes it very difficult for me to help because they don't know what they want yet. And fair enough, you're a college student. Part of my job as a mentor is maybe to help you figure out what you
want a little bit. But if you have a specific goal that we can attack in thirty minutes or tackle in an hour, yeah, then that would help. I'm just like, I'm that person in the meeting who's like, where's the agenda? What are the three things? And if it starts, you know, I'm all about the small talk though, okay, but can we get five minutes in? I'm like, and bullet point one,
let's go on this list. And if there's not one, I get really annoyed and I will stop a meeting and say, what are we here for?
Again?
And I think, if you're looking especially, it's about respecting people's time. Yes, it's all about that, That's what I think.
And then too, I think, like you know, mentee mentorships, it's like organic like so the ones that I like, the two it's really too heavily now. But there's three altogether that I speak too regularly, and we don't even have.
Regularly scheduled calls.
There's one in particular I probably speak her at least once a week because if I learn a lesson, I'm like, oh, I learn a lesson. Let me call it easy, because I know this would be so good for her to learn because that was she doesn't have to make the same mistake because we really just click. She feels like my younger cousin, you know, so mentorship works best that way when you will just clicked.
But I just thought that would be a good teacher for moment.
I know it wasn't time for questions, but I just thought, like.
You know, don't be a dick and also share your emails like that you think people like, don't don't be that person that's embarrassing, you know. I hope she'd at least blocked out the young person's and she did thankfully. Yeah, yeah, don't don't be a jerk. It's just be nice, be kind, be kind, treat people like you would you're you know, your sibling or I guess sometimes we're mean to our siblings.
I was gonna say, maybe not just about.
This your neighbor, because you are way more polite to your neighbor probably than you are to your own.
And to be to give her credit, she did admit. She said I was a hole. I made a mistake. I'm so sorry. So she has like you know, right away she realized the error was like, yikes, maybe not the best choice. So, and that's not an easy thing to do when everyone's dragging you to like step forward and say yes, I deserve the dragging and I repent.
So I mean, yeah, so she's uncanceled, got it.
I don't cancel anybody anymore unless you're a rapist and a pedophile.
Okay, well, I mean yeah, those are good. It's a good list. And tweet a lot of.
People right or super racist something like that, you know what I mean, Like, I don't cancel when people make mistakes or if I'm just like I mean, lord only knows. One day it'll be my turn. I hope not on Twitter, because they will drag you for life fulfilled forever. I'd be like, whoa, I.
Keep not kidding. That exactly is exactly the reason I got out of the Twitter game. I do not participate. I'll watch, but I don't like to tweet because I got way too caught up in that. Oh I want to be the most clever tweet. I want to get all of the most retweets and the likes. And you
start testing those waters and you get into trouble. People try and be funny and next thing you know, they're losing their job because they tweeted something yes, in the in the heat of a moment, and I'm super paranoid about it. Yes, yeah, I have my little brother one time go through the nevermind. I won't tell y'all because you'll go do it and find something we didn't find. But any way, shall we move on to some questions? Yes do. Let's take a quick break and we will
be right back with your questions. Already, y'all, it's time for questions again. You can hit us up at Brandanmission podcast at gmail dot com with your questions, or reach out to me on the Gram. I'm there reading y'all's questions Brandonbission Podcast on Instagram. Keep them short, keep them light. Let me know if you want to be anonymous or else. I'll try and figure out how to pronounce y'all's weird Instagram handles. Okay, and I just can't. It's all that
have to go on. Okay, and what else? We still have a site. Check that out brandonbissionpodcast dot com. To drop us a note the old fashioned way through to ask us anything, tab and let's see, we have a couple of questions from the GRAM to the first question, and this, as I have talked about on the podcast before. I know Tiffany and I grew up with very different relationships with our parents when it came to money. Her daddy was a CFO. My daddy was a hot mess,
but like a in a sweet way. My dad still rolls up his savings in his socks in his closet, and Tiffany's dad, you know, has probably he probably not does, have socks, cash and his money. My dad told me he was gonna deposit all the coins he had in his giant water jug in his bedroom and that was gonna carry him through while he was unemployed. And I'm
sure Tiffany's dad would not just sharing. So this question hit a little close to home for me, and I guess it comes from someone from the GRAM who would like to remain anonymous. She says, my mom has been constantly horrible with finances my entire life. I'm thirty four years old, She's turning sixty next year and is still making illogical financial decisions. I find myself having to help her financially, and it's been that way since I was a little girl. Recently she fell behind on her rent
and utilities. Again. She's currently still working through the pandemic, so it's not really an issue. I think she just has poor money management, and I think she can do better. The problem is that I don't really want to have the conversation with her, but I want to. I've tried in the past, but she gave me attitude and wasn't recepted to my advice. I even bought her a book to help her, but I don't think she has read it.
What can I do? While anonymous? I feel you My dad still puts his money in socks in his closet, and he still collects quarters in his giant water jug. And you know, every time my FaceTime in with the baby, he's at one of his great uncle's houses, chilling out within six feet dy them, and still ghost fishing and all that stuff. And I've just had to let it
go elsa style, I honestly have. The only thing I can say that you know you can pull this card out is it's not so much about their financial health. It's like, and maybe it's a little bit selfish, but my brother and I have talked about like I think my dad's retirement plan is us, Like, we need to make sure we have a lot our financial in place. Like I think he thinks we're his four oh one K, Like I'm the initial four one K. My brother is
the match. You know this man. I mean, he was always a free spirit and he finally got a real job the past couple of years and he has a four to one ca of his own now. But yeah, and and and I kind of feel like you can only lead the horse to water. And if you're going to try a new tactic, I would say bring it to her, as in, Mom, I want to know that you're gonna be okay as you get old. They're you know, I don't know if you have any siblings, but let's
say you or our siblings. We want to be able to take care of you, but we aren't, you know, financially capable of sustaining you. So we need to let you have a plan and maybe pose it to her that way. But you also need to be prepared for the fact that she's sixty and it's real hard to change to turn that ship around. Yeah, when they get to be that age, they're very set in their ways. You might just need to make peace with that and try to do what I did, which is everything the opposite.
That's the trick.
Anything to add to what would you say? How would like? What do you think I tried before?
I know it's hard for me because I'm like, ah, that's so like if anything, my dad still saves, like you know, he lives back in Nigeria.
So is there anything that your parents do that's the bad habit that you've tried to talk like get them to stop doing?
Yeah, So, like you know, my mom's somebody who likes she's a nurse, so she's not feeling good, she'll go to the doctor. So my dad, who like most men, does not the doctor not feeling good, he doesn't want to go, so definitely I with him. What we do is we lay on the We all will layer up and lay on the Daddy.
We love you so much.
We want you to be here to see the grand kids, Like you know, you have to go because something happened, you know, so kind of like laying on the kid guilt that like, yeah, you know that if you're not here, if you're not okay, we won't be okay. So that's one of the I guess the tips that you could try to lean in is that the reason why I'm so hard on you is because I want you to be okay, because I need you to be okay. So almost leaning into like like you're six again, like I
need my mommy, you know. So yeah, that's probably what I would lean into, and that has helped where he's like, okay, that was.
Like because it's five of us, so you know, it's a long way to go.
Every day that phone ringing, so I know it might only be you, but definitely leaning into. I mean, moms are queens of guilt trips. It's time for you to turn that guilt wipe back around.
Her mom's and aunties. My god, and when they know how to text to there's no stop in them. The long text comes through an Burndah, my god, stop it. I yes, no, I think back to nine year old you know Mandy, who used to try and steal her mom's cartons of misty men thought lights and hide them in the closet because I wanted her to stop smoking.
Because I was so literal about everything, and I did the science project on cancer or there were you know, we learned about cancer in class one day in biology, and I was just like, oh my god, my mom is dying tomorrow. You know. She and I and I used to just like fight with her, and she would get so mad at me and I would hide them anyway, and I would pour water on him and all kinds of stuff. And she quit in two thousand and nine. I wasn't even in the country, and I was like, wow,
now you quit all the work. She quit when she was ready, you know, and you know you just got to let it go. And one more thing I'll add is I think in this pandemic. Since we are talking, you know, she acknowledges her mom is still working through the pandemic. I have a good girlfriend who I you know, she called me crying because her mom owns a nail salon in Georgia. And as you guys know, my home state is doing the most and is reopened already despite
dire warnings from all scientists and health officials. But anyhow, it's happening, and her mom has reopened her nail salon, and and this is weeks after her daughter has been spending all this time and energy trying to fill out her applications for pandemic unemployment assistance for the paycheck Protection program and then unemployment, you know, all the different applications and all that pressure has been on her, and she's just so mad, you know, like it's almost like, how
can you repay me in this way? And I had to told her the same thing. You know, at a certain point, I have just had to stop lecturing my dad, like it just it is what it is. You can't stop grown people from doing, from doing grown people's stuff. And you say your piece, and then you have to move on and try not to let it stress you out too much. But I you know, I feel you on that for sure, Anonymous, And let's see moving on to our next question. This is actually this is kind
of funny. This is a frequent questionnaire questionnaer to our Instagram. I don't even know this person's name he or she, but I feel like they send lots of messages. This is from exodebt free Love on Instagram. She has several questions for us, kind of funny. She has like it's almost like a quick fire question for how and what we've been doing in quarantine. Do you want to.
Yeah, let's do it, let's do it, Let's do it.
Okay, what was your most ridiculous or unnecessary online purchase since quarantine?
Tiffany Ah, I I make any ridiculous unnecessary purchase, I have not.
Really made it. I bought vitamins. I don't know that that's ridiculous.
I bought an immersion hand blender and it looks like a giant dildo, and I'm just.
Gonna say it.
It does.
I can't keep it on the counter.
Phallic symbols everywhere.
Phallic Yeah. I mean it's not even funny. It just am like, Wow, did a man design this or what? I bought it thinking I was gonna mash up Rio's babyfood. Okay, but homeboy has no interest in eating solids right now.
Ye kids are so funny. They're like, girl, you tried it, so I will say this. I spent like four hundred dollars on vitamins and so wait me, so I guess that is kind of ridiculous because I.
Was so freaked out. I was like, my dad gets you to.
I was so freaked out. I was like, we need vitamin C.
Wait is that before or after I came and started like telling you how vitamins are a joke? And my dad's been telling me to buy vitamins and you were listening after it, Okay, I felt like you were really offended.
No, no, no, I was it. I wasn't, I tell you no, this is after it. I just was like freaked out. I was like, because a couple of friends of mine came down with corona and I just got so freaked out. And I was like, you know what, I'm going to order zinc because zink is supposed to peaking for this, and I'm going to order cilium and I'm going to order vitamin C. And I literally I bought so much that we became like Superman, and I became the Black Santa Claus Santa Claus.
And we we wiped everything down.
And I had so much stuff that I made little baggies and spray them down and put them on my friend's front porch.
Wait, Tiffany, you listen now, talk about being racial profil Please don't put people in baggies of pills on people's people. Are Keith's gonna Keith is gonna report.
You like, oh wow, it's right. It's gonna be like she's the She's the neighborhood push a lady, right. So but yeah, so I just got so much, and I was like, Tiffany, it's gonna be okay. I didn't.
I ordered so much stuff that some stuff came today.
I'm like, I have more stuff.
Goodness, so just get the one and day one of day Women's. That's the whole point of those pills. They have everything.
I have every And honestly, my doctor told me that because I take I take pre natal vitamins, you know, for IVF, and those are great.
Yeah, she said that.
She's like, Tiffany, it literally has one thousand percent of everything. That's why they're previ.
And I'm like, you know, She's like, okay, enjoy your diarrhea.
Basically, well you can.
Too many vita even in some cases are not healthy. So okay, that's why. That's why I gave so much away, because I was like, this is too.
Much, So don't get don't don't get arrested for that kind of nonsense. Although would be kind of a funny story if everything happened. Okay, actually no, don't. It can go so wrong in a sad way. All right, Anyway, this is not quick fire at all. Next question, how often do you take naps or is that even possible?
Woocha at least once a day, sometimes thrice.
I hate you. Listen, well, I don't hate you, because you should. My sister, we're all I'm constantly messaging her, and she's I feel like she's always in the bed. I'm like, when do you work? I don't take naps. I still have trouble taking naps because I need so much caffeine to get started for each day, and so I'm typically too wired to take a nap, which is not healthy. If I had it my way, I would take a nap, but I can't between baby and work. No way.
Yeah, but y'all know, I was a naper before napper.
Before so, I was a daily napper at least an hour before so. In the beginning of quarantine, I was taking naps at least two or three times because I was just so overwhelmed. But now I'm back to my daily So.
Yeah, Now I don't take naps, but I do take breaks good, and I do talk to my mom and sister. We do lots of FaceTime with the abuelos. I do take breaks. I go outside. I walk the dog. Well that's not entirely true, but I go outside. Okay, since the quarantine. Do you cook at home or order out?
Cook at home?
And I'm not a big chefy cheffer upper, but I've been nervous about ordering out, so we cook at home large I would say ninety five percent home cooking.
Same. I love to cook. I finally have energy to do it again now that the baby's sleeping longer, so I've been cooking. And we also still subscribe to Freshly, where we get meals delivered. Even though I'm kind of tired of it, It's so nice to have that backup in the fridge, just prepared meals that I can eat. Have you had to delete people from social media due to their excessive postings about the virus? No, I'm not on it that much to notice.
I knew you did for sure. There's some people who I know they meet well, so I haven't had to. I didn't want to delete or block them, but I was like, I kind of don't want to hear from you right now. So I've definitely done a lot of muty.
Okay, let's just do she has a lot. Okay, let's do like one or two more. What's the first thing you want to do once quarantine's been lifted, that's a good one.
Ooh, I want to go visit my friend Rihanna. She lives around. We still see each other. I just like, I'll just be on her front porch.
But I want to like go hang out with my friend Rihanna because she lives around the corner. She's one of my favorite bitty bob friends. It's a bitty bob so like her. Her husband calls us like old Biddy's and he's like, you guys are just like just you know, bopping around. He's like, look at y'all biddy Bob committee. I'm like, ooh, he made it as a little disc but we love it. I'm like, ooh, le's biddy bock today.
But is she the one who did the the house?
Yeah?
Yeah, you're a new couple friends. It's great to find a couple of friends. Our couple friend just moved. It was sad they moved. They were next door and then they left. It's all right, let's see what do I want to do. I want to rent a restaurant out and have all my friends and family and have a big party for all the miss birthdays. And my mom's sixtieth birthday was a big one. My Dad's two, all the Mother's Day things, like all the anniversaries. I want a big ass party that lots of tacos and gua
and Margarita's that. That's what I want to do and maybe we can like all chip in and pay for it together. I don't know. I just want to have I just want to have people, people people. Okay, let's do one more. Do you want to do music or shows that you're binging right now?
Let's do music because I'm not watching any shows.
Okay, neat to go.
Music that I'm binging right now, and that's super binging.
I've always been like a Drake fran So I been listen to that and when I get stressed out, INDI I reas my go to So I've been doing that, and well that's my brown boost. So I'll save that other music component for the brown boosts.
Oh okay, let's see. I can't pretend like I know all about the music because it's just too much. I've been listening to show tunes, y'all, I did. I've blasted the Carousel album, which is not even a cool it's not even fun, not even Hamilton. I just listened to Broadway music. And me happy and the Elmos slide. If you know, you know, and if you don't, you never need to know. But it's a it's a it's a bop. Okay,
Well that was fun. Thank you for the questions. I hope you guys are, you know, finding ways to relax out there in quarantine. And I did find that I'm sick of watching TV, so I bought a huge book that I had been reading for the past couple of weeks and it felt good to just read for some hours. So if you have any recommendations of what I can
read next, I'm open to recommendations. And my my boost is related to that or my break is so I'll take another little break and come back for break or as Tiffany calls it, wins wins not wins.
So now it's time to boost a break with all our family.
Is you going to boost? Is she gonna break?
What you're gonna do, Mandy, I'm gonna take a break. I'm going to take a break. So, speaking of books that I'm reading, this has been maybe it's just because the Pulitzers were announced recently, but I've had an awkward interaction with two people who are white recently. You know, I won't even say where I know them anyway. They're
white and independent of each other. They have both when I have mentioned what I'm reading and that I like reading or whatever, or even unsolicited for the second one, they have both come to me and been like, oh my god, you have to read The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead. Oh my god, you have to read The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead. Oh my god, one of them said. And we were talking about so Coulson Whitehead,
you don't know. He's a Pulitzer Prize winning, two time Pulitzer Prize winning novelist, and he wrote The Underground Railroad, which was at Oprah's Book Club a couple of years ago, and he recently just won another Pulitzer for his book The Nickel Boys, which is about some truly, truly depressing story. It's a novel based on the true story of black boys who were buried outside of a school in Florida. And I forget all the details of that, but it just it's a very harrowing real life story that was
turned into a novel. And he won the Pulitzer. But the way these people came to me to recommend it. The first one, for example, are talking about books, and she's going on and on about Colson Whitehead and I'm like, oh, I haven't read you know that book and oh he wrote the end. Oh yeah, And I don't really know much about him. And she's like, oh my god, you have to read. I just I just love this genre. And I was like, well, what genre are you talking about?
And she said, just I just love African American history, you know. And I it was it was a call where I just I just didn't know what to do and I didn't know what to say. And it's one of those things where you kind of just change a subject, but you replay in your mind what you should have said. But it just felt so it just felt icky. Made me feel icky, you know what I mean. And then it happened again today someone else, Ow, I just hit
myself in the water bottle. It's fine. Someone else recommended the same author to me, and this time I was at least a little bit more prepared because they were going on about the Nickel Boys and I said, you know,
it's actually really hard, that's it. And it's true because my friends and I we have a group text and we've all been talking about the fatigue of black bodies being destroyed, you know, and with the whole Amad Arbory thing, you know, which, on the one hand, I'm so glad that this has risen above the COVID coverage to get light.
But on the other hand, it's just that fatigue, and it's like the it's that not exploitation, but the joy they're deriving from stories about African Americans being destroyed, and like the excitement they have. I just find it a little bit offensive. And to the person today, all I said was, you know, it's actually kind of hard me to watch to read stuff about that what happened to those boys in Florida, And I said, it's similar to
like Superman Husby. Husby and I were trying to he turned on that documentary on HBO covering the Atlanta child murders, and I can't. I tried, and it's too hard for me.
I just can't. I keep picturing my dad, who was like a teenager when all that was happening, who knew some of the boys who were murdered, and after hearing his stories, I just anyway, it's just a brown break from the really happy white person and wants to tell you about the book by the black author that you simply must read, especially the one who was like, I just love African American history. I'm like, oh, what's so
fun about it for you? Isn't need buttruc. It's like I just love Tony Morrison and I'm like, cool, Like that's great. I'm gonna, you know, read something different, and it's fine.
Yes, It's like when I met white boys and they're like, hey girl, and I'm like, you know, you can speak normally.
It's so tiring, and I'm like I make it a point.
To not engage.
I'm like, hello, Thomas, how are you today, sister?
I'm good, you know, with the neck go And I'm like, you know, like I might keiky with my friends like that, but we're ne friends.
Never moved to the South. Yeah, that's all that I've happened.
I'm so annoyed.
I didn't know that kind of stuff was offensive until I well, until I got educated. But that would I mean, that's just routine.
Yeah.
You feel like if you're in a like I.
Said, you know, from another from another sister.
Yeah, I'm like, yes, hey girl, But like all of that I'm like, Tom, do you remember I asked one guy, like, do you talk to your other friends like that? It's just me.
It was at a work in a workplace setting.
He just kept doing that and he looks he got red in the face, and I said, yeah, exactly like you would never cut Yeah, you would never go up to Bob and do all of that. You talked to Bob normally. I'm a normal human being. You can speak to me normally. Thanks, Thanks, bye.
And I wish I could say that in the moment. Sometimes it happens. Don't want to say that to Kelly Clarkson. I feel like I love Kelly Clarkson, but sometimes she borders on Like I love her and I know she's sincere, but sometimes I'm like, can you stop? Like I know you're from.
Texas, Like don't, don't do it, don't do it. So anyway, I've got a boost and a break. So the break is really short, but it's a little petty, and I was deciding gonna be petty, and then the boot is sucksually short too. I want to start with the break because that way the boost we can end in a light note. So this is the break is not like anything bad. But I rarely ever read comments. I rarely
ever read reviews. I mean, I'm open to correction. I'm open to like people telling me how I could do better. I've been ten years in business, so I'm not super sensitive about like, heydev, could you Someone sent me the other day. I had done a video and she was like, hey, hey girl, I love you. I love what you're doing as a bujanista. You were I watched one of your videos and it was great. But if you could angle the camera down and then something she was telling me.
But it was really great feedback. But I could see how some people would be offended because it's like, girl, I didn't ask you, but I thought it was great feedback.
I said, thanks so much.
Someone else hit me up before, and she like, I had a flyer that was out and my on my team, whoever had cut my image out to put on the flyer missed some part of my hair that still had like white in the background, and she like sent it to me literally circled that part. Was like, hey girl, I love you, but you know you want to represent your brands to the best of your ability. And I found this some people will be pissed, not me. I was like, oh, thanks so much, send it to my team.
So I say all that to say, I'm usually good with feedback, but I read a review recently and all I have to say, girl is uterus uterus, uterus, uterus uterus. Girl.
Yeah, I'm sure you read that one. You try a girl?
No?
No, what the book?
No?
No. Someone wrote me and said, girl, we tired of hearing about your uterus A whole woman, A whole woman.
And I was like, so a listener of the podcast, yes, And I.
Was like, so she has some other criticism, which I was like, oh, I accepted. I could do better than that. I could do better. I'm honestly, like I said, I'm open for a correction and things an'll hurt my feelings anymore, because you know, you can't run a business for ten years and not hear feedback because you want to grow. But what I'm not going to do is loud, especially a woman. How you gonna tell me you tired to hear about my uterus even if you aren't, Which that is a fair critique, but.
Last show isn't called brown y.
But I just felt like there's just a level of kindness that you can extend.
You know, I'm not talking about my sex life.
I'm not talking about my vagina like I'm sharing that, you know, like I've had two miscarriagters in the last two years and about fifteen different surgeries. Every time you go onto surgery, they let you know there's no guarantee you're gonna wake up, Like it's been a Harry experience, and I'm sharing that, and then too, so many women hit me up and they've shared their experience with how hard it's been for them. And so when I read that, I was like, I'm not gonna lie, Maddie. I cried
because it's been a hard week. And I cried, and I was just like and then I was just like, well, it wasn't It wasn't just for that.
It was just always want to hear about your ut.
So anyway, I say all that to say, I'm not gonna remember how we used to have the inside joke about Jermaine or no Jerome, like the one.
Who knows what his name is anymore, Yes, the one listener.
And so just so you know, girl, every once in a while, me and Made will be talking and I'm gonna say, yeah, I went outside today, Uterus.
It's for usiss, it's for you. That's the battle.
So I don't know what maybe happened in her life.
Yeah, I just thought that, like it's just unnecessary. It's like I said, you could give feedback without being mean anyway, round boosting though. I don't know if you caught the Jill Scott and Erika I do versus battle, well, not even a battle, it was a blessing.
What No, it was amazing.
So you know they're doing like well, if you haven't done social they it's mostly Timbaland and what's his face on twitch speed? So I forget who the first battle was against, but it's because you know, all the musicians are home, so they've just tried to find musicians that are in a similar asque I guess genre to kind of battle against each other where they just basically play up each other's songs. Like So the last one before
this was Babyface and Teddy Riley. So you know they're both really prolific, right, I mean, I swear no words, they're both amazing all the time. They're both amazing producers, right, And so it was it was funny because Teddy Riley couldn't get his sound together. But the one with Jill Scott and Erica ba Do it was so it felt like a big Mama hug. It was available on Can I still watch it Instagram? Lives be disappearing, you know itspear, it is disappearing.
But it was just I'm sure someone saved it. So they perform each other's songs.
No, they played, they played, They played their own songs. But it's like, you know, like hey, so like.
You remember like a Long Walk by Jill Scott and then Erica bad On and on. It was just I felt like the nineties all over again. It was beautiful. Like I said, literally when I tell you that there was a collective sigh of black and brown girl relief that because most of the time it's like a battle to.
See who won.
But the way they were speaking to each other, it was a love fest.
It was hay sis.
It was just it was beautiful, honestly, And it was so strange because it was right the day before, you know, so many of us walked or ran and you know, to celebrate Ahmad's the young man that was killed in Georgia, murdered in Georgia the day before they walked for his birthday, and so to have this was just like the like the bomb that our souls needed. And so just to see the feedback afterward and everybody posting saying thank you so much, it was just almost every woman was like, yo,
I cried, I cried and you didn't. Really it was just a release that we needed. So I just thought that was beautiful and how music truly can heal. And so shout out to Jill Scott and Kabadu if you missed the versus battle, it was great. The next one up is Luda versus Nelly, so fine, who got your money on Luda and.
Nelly Swish Switch? I just I need this hole on a second. I need to remember all the lyrics too. To Nelly's is.
It apple bottoms, Apple bottom?
This was like the song and you know how like I'm like, how was I singing this in science class? Like the eighth grade? But it was the soundtrack of my life. Nelly was, ooh, I'm so excited.
Good for him.
Where has he been anyway?
I know, I mean I don't know, maybe he might still produce and things, but it should be fun, like you know. So, yeah, the verses just fun because you're like, oh my god, it just you get to relive your childhood and you know, an elementary and high schoolhood. So yeah, like I said, Brown Boost, Jill Erica, thank you so much, and uterus listen.
I can't think of something that's more on topic with the with the theme of our show, which is career and finance, than how a woman's reproduction factors into her career planning. Because if you're a woman, even if you choose not to have children, it's a choice, right, it is. It's the thought that you have to have. And I think that you're incredibly brave and open and generous to share that window into your reality. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thanks Manda.
But you know, I'm also the kind of person who will watch documentaries on gas doctor pimple Popper. So when you talk.
About I love I love Doctor piple Popper, I don't know what it is. What is it?
I don't disgust.
It's like when I get the nice, juicy boogers out of Rio's nose and I'm like, who am I? What is it about me that enjoys this?
I'm not gonna lie. I just was like I watch, I'm like, what is her name? The doctor? I get it?
Forget her name?
And who knows doctor pimple pop.
I'm get it, girl, yes, get it.
And when it's not that exciting, I'm like.
Oh man, I climbacted.
The best is when it's one that you're like, you don't think it's much, and then it's everything you're like, oh my gosh, I.
Think I need a cigarette. Yes, well this was restorative for me.
Yes?
Is that how you pronounce that word? It's one of those words I can I'm saying restorative. Is it restorative or restorative?
I don't don't know. Look, I couldn't remember.
Pro prolific producer.
I know, look it's gone, but yes, no, this has been. This is I mean, it's always on, like awesome to come on. I'm glad that we're able to stay consistent. If y'all only knew, right, we tape round like when is real sleep? Okay, we could tape now like it's it's never the same time, the same day, and we make it work and we come here and we enjoy like each other and enjoy y'all, So just you know, thank you guys for walking out with us, continuously.
We love being here, and thank you for making it so we don't have to apologize for my insane You know the fact that I don't even have a schedule anymore. I have the time in between napps and that's all I have. And thank you, Tiffany, No, of course, thank you guys for listening, and we will see you next week, next week, next week. You can at least count on us.
Call me with me, kid me, we shouldn't, we should do. That's not our way out.
Count on I me. I need to watch Waiting to Exhale. That is what needs to happen. It's not even in that movie, because it was right, okay, all right. It just came to me and I was like, wait, is that right? And I think also there's an episode of Sister Sister when inexplicably they performed that song and.
Leave my friends alone.
I love, I can't leave.
Al right, we need to go and insanity bye to take care of