Ep. 15 — Put a ring on it!

Would be like, and then you should have put a ring starting.

So for those of you guys who don't know, well, how would you know?

No one knows.

So Mandy got a ring a ka, she got engaged.

AKA, I know I have nothing to show for it.

I know she's actually like waving her ringless hand in front of the mic.

But no, she really is engaged. Her ring is being sized.

Yes, let us lets people know. She's my publicist put out the president.

And it was so pretty.

So we were supposed to tape yesterday and Madie text me was like I can't tape.

I was like why. She's like, it's a good reason. I just got a game.

And I was like, so you know, I looked at Superman with this extra side. I like, Mandy just got engaged. Meanwhile, Supergirl, his nine year old daughter, was like, oh my god, congratulations missus Mandy. Even though she does not know Mandy, she was just equally as excited.

It's that womanly instinct that engagement is like some sort of mountain you must overcome.

She was like stocking me like you canna call her like waiting, like so I can tell her personally, I'm like, just be easy.

I've never talked on the phone as much as I did yesterday in my entire life. Yeah, I'm so excited. So we got engaged. It happened Saturday night. I was completely shocked. If you've known me, if you've asked me, if you'd asked me to bet a million dollars, would have told you it's not gonna happen for like another year or two or three. But it happened on Saturday, and I was like completely shocked on the control freak.

Something in my mind. I was like, maybe there's a ring in this podcast.

I really yeah, but not, but I thought it at the same time like no way, Like that's crazy. But I kind of patted it, kind of patted it. It was like nothing's in there, no box. And then like I mean just it left my mind completely, had a little flash of a thought and then it was gone and we went. The concert was great. I mean I insisted on paying for dinner. I'm like, I gotta pay for dinner.

I gotta do it.

We were trying to be equitable with the finances. And then we like went home, stopped at riding, had to get some toilet paper.

I just thought it was another night. Yes.

And then we get home and he's like, put everything down. I have a question to ask you.

Did you know then, like when did your dawn on you?

No? Because he was like, put everything down, and I was taking off my shoes at the front door and he's like, yeah, take your shoes off.

I was like, oh am, I get a foot rug. That's awesome.

How much can I look the sting date night? And then he's like but then he starts backing up, which was weird. Back it's backing up, and then he puts his hand into his his jacket pocket. Yes, and then my heart is going and it's like it's like two in the morning.

Almost.

We were off and we were late, and I was slightly tipsy, not gonna lie, had a little bit of white wine and I was like, wait, wait, what what is happening? This can't be happening.

Yay that I know.

I didn't say this can't be happening. I was like, what are you doing really right now?

Really?

I was like kind of laughing, like I always I don't know what. I guess you can kind of imagine it, what that moment's going to be like. And whenever I thought about it, I could make myself tear up just thinking about that moment. But in the actual moment, I was literally so stunned. It's like awkward. You know when you see something terrible and you laugh because you're awkward about it. Yeah, this was This was not terrible obviously, So yeah, I just started laughing, kind of giggling, and

I'm nosy as hell.

We used to share, We used to like, you know, we had like a very open technology thing like if our If his laptop was nearest and I need to get on the internet, I would just grab it. If his cell phone was nearby, I need to text somebody, I'll just grab it.

You know, we just do that.

We trusted you too, And but like a few months ago, he started being really weird about his electronics, like, don't touch my laptop, you cannot use my cell phone. You need to stop it, like getting upset with me. And I was like, oh, what's happening. I texted my girlfriend like he's either cheating or he's going to propose. And I did have an inkling that he was gonna at least he was saving up for a ring, and maybe he didn't want me to know, but we talked about

Was going to be November fifty nine, twenty eighth. Oh god, I don't no today. No, well, Nina, well it's Friday.

Technically, technically it was Saturday. It was Sunday morning, so that's I think that was the twenty nine. Yeah, yeah, my sister's birthday. I always remember. I guess I'll have to Rema, how.

Old are you know? I'm twenty eight.

Oh my god, she turned twenty seven. I cannot even imagine her getting engaged.

I feel like you're such a bag. I can't imagine myself. Like, oh, he's text me right now.

He just this is so, this is so NARCISSI. He just texted with an update of how many likes her Facebook.

I was gonna ask that, did she get a lot of likes?

I got? Hell, four hundred and fifty two? Wow, y'all are famous? Practically will Facebook famous? Oh?

I was really sweet, though, Yeah, I don't. I like Sunday was such a blur. And but that's the thing, like I don't feel old enough to get married. It's like when we moved in together, I'm like, no one's like, there's no test for this, I like exam but in meanwhile, like there's nothing about it, Like how old your mom when she had you? She's actually twenty seven when she had me, but she got married for the first time when she was twenty Okay, but you have two kids by twenty two.

I guess what I'm saying, Like, you know, our parents got like you know, I think my mom was like twenty three or twenty four.

I don't know. Can you imagine?

No, heck no, I was just barely learning how to shave my legs.

I'm still not good at that.

But yeah, it's just crazy to think, like.

Oh my god, we're allowed to do this coming up so and then, I mean, the friends I've talked to have been like, you'll get more used to it. It's not going to feel real, And it really hasn't felt real so far. I mean, I have the ring, but

Probably it was a size ten and I'm a size six. Non, well, you know, I like his logic.

Needless to say once the diamond district. Oh, let me just so, let me say this, like if you're getting your ring, if you live in New York anyway, I don't know if there's a diamond district in every city. Yeah, but we went to a jeweler and in my neighborhood in Queens and he quoted us like one hundred bucks for the resizing, and I don't know. I'm like, okay, well that seems like a little bit for a very expensive ring. Yeah, but then I went my coworker told me, no, no, no, no, no,

Now, I've never been. Yeah, you need to go.

It's an experience and everyone's like yelling at you come in here, come in here. Do you want to sell something you're gonna buy?

Like it's the holiday.

So they're really aggressive, okay, and she's like, no, no, you need to go to my friend Irving. The place is called the Wolf something wolf Bearing or you need to go see my friend Irving his wife raiseel.

So I went there. That hooked me up and for twenty bucks.

They're gonna twenty burellars to twenty bucks.

So this is like lighting the fire for me to like do an inexpensive wedding. Yeah for real, See I.

Want you to I want you to google blog about it. I know, well you guys will, I'll share my journey for it.

Right now, I'm just like I'm saying, I'm not going to think about it till after January because I'm getting a little anxious.

Okay.

My mother's asked me one too many questions. She's like, how many attendant? Where's it going to be? You want to be in New York, but you're from Atlanta. Don't you have family there?

Well that very mom with her oh Loda. So I'm just gonna get through that. I'm just want to enjoy it and get through the holidays and then you know what my sister did.

She got like one of these like books that you kind of like, you know, tells you like first step, sixond step.

She said, oh god, I need that book.

Yeah, I'll ask her please do like I'm looking at you.

So I was like, wow, tell me the way. I do not know because she was like that too.

She's not she wasn't like a big planner, but she was like, the book really just helped.

I just put my stuff in. It was like, okay, I.

Feel like so much about the wedding is just managing everyone's emotions outside. I need to work on my own emotions first, for one thing. But like, so just yesterday was stressful making sure that I told everybody the right way before I posted it anywhere, because I don't you hate that feeling is like, yeah, you learn from a friend that you thought was a friend and you're like they got married or had a baby on on like Instagram.

Oh well that's nice, the baby's twelve exactly.

So I made sure I went down my entire like I went through my favorites. This is a quick way of reading out people. I went through my favorites. I on my iPhone and like called everyone personally facetimed if I could make sure they could see it and like, and it was really fun seeing their reactions. Plus I haven't made phone calls. That's when did anybody cry? So my mom didn't cry, but so my my fiance.

I know, I'm like, who you said? At that part, I was like who?

So he actually called my parents the day that he was going to do it, And meanwhile, he hadn't really had a plan. He he was just like, I was just going to wait for the right event for us to go to and you know, do it afterwards or something. So he So that's why it felt so real when he was like, let's.

Just go to this jazz show.

Yeah, because it wasn't like oh so that's why, because you probably would have noticed if he was like feeling really weird.

The control freak that I am. Oh yes, oh, today's day, isn't it?

If he was like wait, because he's so out of character he and I he's not. I'm usually one being like, let's go do this thing, and he's like, I just want to watch Netflix. You So, if he had been all of a sudden excited to go do an activity. Okay, then you're like, this is a They were a series of activities. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, So I'm kind of he was smart.

He was very skillful.

So he called my mom the day and my dad the day of, and my mom said she cried, but when I talked to her, she wasn't crying. She was yelling at me because I texted her a picture before I called her in person, even though I knew she already knew order of things. The order of things, boy was I called her right after. But anyway, moms are special. Yes, so yeah, my dad, however, plus his little heart. I don't think my dad knows how to listen to podcasts yet I have a teacher, so I'll tell you guys.

So my dad went and oops.

When my fiance called my dad, he initially pretty much like hung up on him because he could not deal. And I know my dad, I'm his only daughter, and you know, my parents divorced when I was ten, So my dad's mind, I've really been stuck as a ten year old forever forever, And so I knew I wasn't mad. I was like, oh, don't worry, he's just in his feelings.

He said, I was just it was just shocked. I can't.

I don't know how to deal with these feelings, basically, and I could hear him tearing up on when you're a grown man, Yeah, you know, just.

Wait till your wedding. You just better have some some waterproof mascot.

I need to like put a tranquilizer dart.

I don't not worried about me and worried about my dad walking down that it needs to be liked.

Yeah, medicated, ye, tranquilized data. That's the words, a data. I want to start a hashtag. Congrats Mandy with an eye, congrats Mandy.

Let's see who's gonna Yeah, let's see who needs a hashtag. I should give away something for people who used to hashtag. Oh, we'll just give you some virtual love. Just don't ask me any questions.

I get stressed out.

I don't know when, I don't know where, I don't know, I don't know anything. I don't know how to do this. It's my first time, so, but I'm just overwhelmed with all the support.

So we started on a high note. But you know us, we'd like turn left, Wait where are we going? Where we're going? So Traine Awards. Oh, but honestly I like the awards. I'm not really did you watched? You watch the whole thing?

I did only because I saw such great reviews on Facebook.

Meanwhile, We're for you on Facebook. And the way it works when you watch like the.

Twitter where I go first, really if face Twitter likes it, then on over one, well.

You know what it is because they play them back to back, so they'll play it. And then it ended at like ten fifty five and started again at eleven. So I was like, oh, I'll stay up and watch because the reviews were great, and honestly I loved it. I didn't realize that unfortunately R Kelly performed at the end.

I was like, Oh, this is disappointing.

Status with R Kelly. I mean, so we all know that he's a dirty pedophile.

Yees, so he married? I don't know.

Honestly, I think that his career has not obviously prospered as much as it would have had he not been caught doing what he was doing with young girls. So if you guys are not familiar with R. Kelly, he's really super talented. I have to say that. You know that he's believe, but not just a talented singer, you know, the biggest part of Arkelly. He's a really talented like songwriter and arranger and like you know, producer, yeah, producer

I was young enough when it was all happening that I don't really remember all particular so, but there's video of him we have, but I have.

A general sense of ickiness about him. Yes, he closed the show, so he yeah, so and he holds the show.

So there's video of him of him like urinating on women who were underage. And we all know for a fact that he married Aliyah, who was the singer that passed away. She was fourteen or fifteen at the time. And I mean they, I mean they have marriage papers, So that's not one of you know, that's not like, oh, allegedly No, No, they got married.

Yeah.

And then just so many other stories that have come out about him basically raping young women. I mean raping in the sense of I guess statutory rape. Yeah, I haven't heard of him like again, I don't know so violently raping, but definitely statutory rape because you know, honestly, if you're having sex with a thirteen year old, she cannot give consent. She's thirteen, you know, and at least not with a grown man giving consent. You know, if a thirteen year old thirteen yearn are grown at it,

So is the is the drama that he performed. People say that he shouldn't have.

Like yeah, only because like you know, everybody's going in on Bill Cosby as they should. And it's like, you know why because r Kelly didn't just perform he like closed the sholf and it was like people in the audience were like two stepping, like this man has not raped young girls, and it doesn't have video out of him raping and really just totally being disgusting with young girls.

They're having a new moment right now, Erica bade.

Yeah she is, and so but it's like cause Erkabadou was like, you know, like feminists strong, and then she's she actually introduced R. Kelly as my brother, and I was like, oh so, and like I said, this is not a man who were like hmmm, I'm not quite sure if he did it. It's like there's video he married Alea when she's fourteen, and even he in his and I've seen like him being interviewed and at one point he said, I know I have a problem.

Yeah, it's a complicated thing.

We kind of talked about it with Bill Cosby before and I mentioned like, so I have I mean, I've known people personally who have had issues like this, you know, with younger women, and have done some really not great things. But I can almost I'm staying from both sides here. I'm like playing two sides here at the same time. Like when it is someone who you consider a brother, I know they're not blood really, but if it's someone you've known your whole life and they've done this thing,

It's just awkward ones on a public stage. That's what I guess.

That's what was bobbling, Like, okay, Ka bade if that's your brother. But I'm like, really, Bet, like of all the artists you could have had, you know, it's not like R Kelly is like you know, some brand new artists or like Beyonce that can't be ignored, even though that wouldn't be excusable then, but it's like you had to dig up R Kelly.

Do you think that's like just for the wow factor, for the would be controversial.

Yeah.

It just really bothered me to see like Janelle Monet, ty Reese, all these people too stepping like.

Yes, go ahead, rapist, Yes, do your thing. Because especially, you know what really bothers me about R.

Kelly because there are sometimes you know, like like I've known people who are like, oh, eighteen, their girlfriend was fourteen. Probably not the most appropriate, but whatever. But this is a man who was allegedly I'll put in air quotes

We're just trying to make it work.

No, this is a sexual predator, and for him to be celebrated still, Like honestly, when his music come on comes on on the radio, like I always tell Superman intended off.

I think he'll probably go through now a similar maybe not as bad as Bill Cosby.

And I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because Bill Cosby's accusers it was so far after the fact they all came forward and they're all much older. Maybe are Kelly's victims. It's just they're not ready to come forward in the same public way. I mean, it sucks that it took like forty women to come forward in their magazine cover to get people to, you know, care about the Bill Cosby situation. But I mean the public is when we make up our mind about an

Also too, R Kelly happened right before the huge social media.

Way, Yeah, totally, you know what I mean.

So it's like I think if it would have happened like Bill Cosby, I think one of the reasons why people are so much more up in arms is because.

Social media really took that and like ran with it.

But R Kelly like escaped that almost because to me, like, you know, what he did was even more obvious. There's video, but it was before all that, before people could, before black Twitter could really take a hold and like fully drag him.

I don't know.

I was just kind of disappointed and I was just like, well, and I know they were.

I mean honestly, I like the social training. Like I didn't watch his part.

I was like, wow, cable. I don't have cable, so I don't know. Yeah, so I watched the clips. So the baby face that was amazing.

That was amazing. When they had Brandy come out, I.

Was like, yeah, I feel so much real emotion when I get sitting up in my room, like literally I'm trying. I'm like four feet tall, yeah, and like little chubbing girl in my room like dream daydreaming.

Oh. She was so good. Her voice is so good. I want her to go on tour. You know what it is about brand because Brandy and I like the same age.

So I'm thirty six, and I think when Brandy came out, she was fourteen, and I was fourteen when she came out. I know, so I like grew up like that first album of her, like sitting on the front cover. Her music was so inche appropriate. I could play it in front of my parents.

It was just so ahesha la oh to the we played, Oh.

The night I got engaged on the platform. It took so long for the train. We played like all the great nineties TV things, family matters, ohow, step by step, Growing Pains, Boesha, sister sister, what is the sister?

Kevin knew how much and are doing like the neck wave. I don't even know why, but we're both.

I met and they did the grown up version, sister sister, Oh my god, you even need to go back. Oh, oh my god, I know not as good as it was. Well, you know what someone said, TV's never been as because it wasn't. It wasn't the night it was.

Very black right because think about Martin was it like its all time high?

Like you're right, fairly matters hanging with mister Cooper.

I used to love that girlfriend someone's girlfriends.

But it was very very remember because you remember, you know why up and nine remember and t G I f Yeah, T J was veriable, g G I Oh, and they're all like, huh.

Now we sound like old people. You know how people always say, like, you don't know, y'all don't have good music.

One day, these young people are gonna be telling their grandkids Daddy.

Wop's classic Oh God Baby, but no.

Yeah, TV is changing, you know, Speaking of TV, there's a new Dominican the very first Dominican focused TV show. Shout out to my new Dominican family.

Really yeah, what is it called. It's gonna be called La V L A D D.

And I guess that's the name of the guy who's it's like a comedian, kind of like Louis c K made his own show, run his own wife. It's gonna be like about the Dominican family in the Bronx, which is I'm excited to watch it.

I'll get to understand my boyfriends, oh for my fiance. What else you want to talk about for Buzzworthy? Do you want to talk about buying black?

That's like the huge new wave I've been seeing I guess most of my friends on social.

Media the holidays. Yeah, yeah, we can talk about that.

I mean, like just generally, you know, for me and one of my friends was I debated my friends about this one time. It's like, do you feel pressure to buy from black owned businesses or you know, do you feel like you should have freedom to buy wherever you want to buy from? Did you feel guilty for like not buying from a black owned business?

Right, There's actually a woman who was banned on Facebook because and actually I knew her.

I was like, she looks familiar. She did this interview with doctor Boyce Watkins.

And she created like some like booklet for buying black or something. And anyway, she created like like just like a Facebook post about like, you know, buying black, try to buy black this week or whatever. And Facebook, I guess, I don't know if somebody reported as being racist or whatever.

That's been going on forever.

I know there's literally like black business phone books and like online buying guides. Yeah, but I don't know why, but these three pamphlets you hand out.

She was banned because Facebook themeed it, I guess, for lack of a better word, racist, for discriminatory, Yeah, discriminatory, I'll say that, but yeah, I just thought that was really strange.

I'm like, wow, Okay.

I think it's important to shop small, like in any capacity. Yeah, and I feel like a lot of small businesses are owned by minorities in general.

I guess you know what it is too, Like you know you've heard, I mean, we've heard the statistic over and over that the black dollar stays in the Black neighborhood like for less than like it passes through not even one hand before leaving the Black neighborhood. It's like the Jewish dollar passes through like thirty hands. I don't that's not the exact, you know number, And then the Spanish dollar passes through two hands.

And the Asias they're more good about buying from businesses owned by each other.

Yes, and so I can understand that that like that there's so much wealth I think are buying power nations.

Are you kidding me? Look at Chinatown? Mm hmm. I have friends who can get deals in apartment in Chinatown that I'd never be able to get exactly.

Oh yeah, you can call it discrimination, but I feel I feel no way about it because I'm kind of like, man, that neighborhood is like one of the last true, you know, vestiges of Old New York that have actually stayed the same and in some ways you kind of want to preserve that and exact.

But that's like too, like like being Nigerian, there's certain deals that I get, Like if you go someplace, like you know, if my mom's like no, no, no, I'll go for you, or like tell them.

I say, you, if my coworker who's Jewish hadn't told me to go to her, you know, hadn't told me specifically go to Irving in the diamondustry, tell him Lisa sent you. I don't know if I would have gotten to deal for twenty dollars.

That's how it goes.

Something, So I get that, you know, that's how it goes sometimes that certain groups look after their own. I guess the issue is that, unfortunately, it seems like African American community does not do that.

It seems because there's less of a cultural I feel like other minorities sometimes there's such a huge cultural divine, like especially if you're immigrants African Americans, we grew up in America and like there's no language barrier, there's no nothing keeping you from going to like a wide owned business like that because you're not you don't have that.

Yeah, no, for sure, because.

Well just even like you know, there's a sense of like I see you, I understand you, like you know, like Nigerians, or if you're Dominican, or if you but you're right, even though you know, you could be African American, but that could mean so many different things. But if you are Dominican, there is a shared sense of like culture and history.

Like you said, yes.

That's missing in the African American community because it's like you could be from Atlanta you're African American, and I could be from Newark and we could have literally no nothing common as far as our background. But if I'm Dominican and I live in Canada and you're Dominican and you live in I don't know, Australia, there's still a sense of like, oh my god, you know totally, yeah, you know what I mean. So definitely I believe that to be so.

It's still more American when I'm not in America, when I'm traveling out, you'd meet the other Americans in the hostel or exactly, oh my god, maybe all of a sudden, I'm like waving the flag and I'm proud an American.

You get real country.

Yes, yeah, no, for sure, that's a good reminder, though I feel like, yeah, god, I live in Queens. I don't think there are any black owned businesses. I mean Queens is like literally the I think there's there's. This is a fact. It's like the single most diverse county in the United States. Like every single walk of life is there. But my neighborhood is very Greek, very Brazilian, very Hispanic, very Vietnamese. It's been like not a lot of black owned businesses, but I do. I shop at

Brown. I love the game. I think to take breaks from.

I know, even though I don't really take the breaks when I get home, it's like we just take a break online.

I'm like, I really should take a break, you know.

I did actually take a break from political coverage for I'm like done, Like, wake me up when it's October twenty sixteen, Like then I'll look I'll pay attention to the last month. I don't need to hear all these stupid debates one more, no, no more.

Ben Carson. Oh yeah, foolery, Trump, foolery, you know, thinking what you're talking about. So we said give me a break.

I said, ooh, that should be a brown break, like give me a break, give me a break, break me off, a brown break something something.

Now I don't know what the words are going to be. Just work with me. That's just the first draft. Break. Yeah, break, give me brown break. Phones you guys can get the soundtrack for and marked at zero dollars at zero pay you to listen to it. So what should we brown?

Okay, so my brown break is I want to take a brown break from being anti social.

Yes, I said it.

I'm anti social, and not even because I'm not social. I'm antisocial because as I get older, it takes me longer to get cutter. And I noticed that because so for those of you who don't know, I own my own business and I work from home, and so I'm largely in my pjs with like my hair and a messy bun which I'm wearing now. This is like my sleep bun, my wake Bun my everything Bun Drell's like Superman is like this BN.

And so yeah.

So because of that, I ended up like, you know, like no makeup, just in my PGAs. And so when fun things are happening and someone said you want to go, I always start thinking to myself, Oh, that sounds like oh wait, it sounds like having to wash up again, having to put on a little bit of face, having to find something to wear that actually fits, having to do my hair. It sounds like work. So I end up saying no, stay home. And as a result, I have not been having so much fun in my life.

I think that happens when you get older, though, Like you, you find so much time for the things you don't want to do. Yeah, and when it comes to the fun stuff, you find excuses, Yeah, not enough time or it's too much work. You like you put your own like wants and you kind of forget that it's worth THEPA.

Yeah, it's work because then when I end up going on.

But like, so, for example, one of my friends, I just love him. His name is Cabral, and Cabral is like one of my favorite friends because.

Cabral like lives life.

He eats well, he goes to fancy restaurants, he travels like every other month, and so Cabrel so he's also gay, so like he's also like so Superman's always like, yeah, go with Cabral. So Cabrel is like my like he just will always be like, honey, you want to go out.

And I'm just like with the gays, I can be very detrimental to the budget. And I say that lovingly because I have many gay friends. He will quickly take me to the club and I'll see all my paychecks.

No, Cabral is a treater too.

That's the benefit of getting older to your friends are old enough to actually treat him.

Yes, And it's like it's like four of us like that we hang out sometimes now and so like he'll be like, so he'll call because he knows we're all the same. Where like all the women, it's like three other women who are entrepreneurs that we kind of never go anywhere.

So Gobrel's always wanted to be.

Like, hey, girls, where we are on this week and we're all like a cobral He's like, be ready tomorrow and then he'll drive and then he won't tell you where he's going, and then he'll just take you somewhere and then you're like it's amazing, and then he'll.

Treat and so yeah, what always like, I mean, that sounds like an invitation that you would not pass up.

So when when when the cabro calls, I'm like, when where?

But what I love about him is that he takes me out of that comfort zone to say tip to get out and go and so and not to say Superman doesn't, but I don't know, Like I mean when we hang out, it's just like, I mean, we're like a Netflix and Chill kind of couple.

And like also too, we have like different takeing.

Me something different when you're in a committed relationship, you know what it means when you're dating, Yeah, you finished in Brook, Yeah exactly.

He's like, oh exactly, I know when that highl So but yeah, I just want to be a little less like I used to love, like rollerblading. I'm like, you know what, there's a roller skating drink around the house and they have adult Night's supposed to be really fun. I'm gonna go, you know, probably this week. And then a friend of mine was like, oh, let's go on this this like a trail in.

The other house.

And my best friend's like, we should go in the hike and I'm like, I don't only want to, but I'm gonna go. I'm gonna try to force myself and small one thing, yeah, one thing a week, right, one fun thing a week.

You can fall into that trap though you work so hard to get here, and then you keep working so hard that you can't enjoy it. So I try and be cognizant of that for sure.

So what's your brown break?

My brown break is so I don't know if funny

I just do my job. I get to write, I do what I love, I get to do video, I do the podcast on the side.

No one's saying no, but if sometimes like there's a lot of stuff happening and it can get in the way. Like for example, we have a group chat, which is great. It's like the literal it's like a digital water cooler. We pass around gifts, we joke, we like shoot the breeze. It's like where we catch up and.

That's the thing that went down the other day slack or something slack. I don't know, there's something that went down. It was like group chat. Everybody was talking about it, but I'm not.

There's a million different kinds we use the Yahoo one obviously, okay, I am, but it's like where it's just a great place to catch up and just you know, camaraderie or whatever. So I love the group chat. It's hilarious, we crack up all that, we just passed plenty links. But sometimes it can get to be like a bit of a down or if everyone else's like feelings about what's happening with their separate stuff at the work is, then it

You don't want to stay in that negative You don't want to stay in it.

And I've found in the past month that like it's really getting me down and I kind of want to take I've tried.

It's hard to break out of it.

Because you don't want to be disconnected, Like I don't want to be I don't want to lose access to my friend coworkers, my friends, and like the gossip and stuff, all the good stuff. But at the same time I want and I don't want to make them feel bad for venting, because they should because like they're they they're

She used to come over all the time and just pop up, Hey, what's going on? What you doing?

Staring at my computer screen talking about whatever gossip she had.

And I'm just like, leave me alone. I'm trying to focus. I'm a writer. Leave this is our musical segment, Like this is our most musical show. I was at Michael Jackson.

Interrupting such a ham Yeah, And so I feel like I just have to find like I've started taken my laptop and working somewhere else sometimes, you know, whenever I can, like it was a big office, I can go still on the couch, or you know, go to a different floor and work someone else, or work from home a couple hours, leave a little bit early and work a little bit you know, coming early to.

Have that quiet time.

So yeah, I just got I guess like my brown break is just about like yeah, Debbie Downers and and and just the general lack of personal space at work.

So if you have any brown breaks, feel free to share.

You can tweet us at the BA podcast.

Email us at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com.

I almost message. You can also hit us up on Facebook.

You guys have been doing great on the Facebook group at just Brown Ambition.

Just type in Brown Ambition will come up. You find us.

You'll see pictures of me and Mandy Smiley a rare occasion. Mandy makes me hugger every time I see her, just so you guys know.

It's an end. I can't stop it. I know you don't like hugs. You know it's okay. Body just comes at.

You would think, because you know, Mandy's like more like the like straight guy, like, oh, you know, and I'm more like the silly when you would think that i'd be like such the hugger.

And I'm so not a hugger.

Yeah yeah, I'm so like, hey, you touched me well, because I didn't really gro up in a hugging household.

Nigerians tend not to be super huggle ishous. That's what I've heard about families, their immigrant family. Yeah, I mean definitely. I know my parents love me, just Nigerians.

But like you know that new Asiason sorry show Master of None.

Yes, I have been watching, And did you watch the Immigrant Parent? No, I it's like his real parents. Yes, I want to watch it.

Not from Nigeria, no, India yeah no, but he no, no, but I've heard, like I read like an article saying it was like his real parents. And then his dad like made him cry because his dad said something like he's a dad had a feel like being in Hollywood. He's like, honestly, I only just came because I wanted to spend time with you. Yeah, and I was like, oh, these old parents, they make you tear up.

You should definitely watch Master of None. That's a great show.

Yeah, I've been watching, like I watched the first I watched the Immigrant Parent episode because I think it will resonate.

All right, Well, so now we actually have tips man, Oh tips, Yes, we have ever reader. Yes, let me get mine, which.

Is good because you guys are asking questions. So definitely email. What was the email again?

The email is Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com.

Yes, for sure, email us your questions because you got a good one. We're going to answer it and Mandy shall read.

I shall read. So this question, have you ever if GI, have you ever gone to Harlem? You know, the Black Israelites? They were like, I don't know, they almost look like adult. I don't want to be disrespectful.

They wear garments, but like they have this thing where like they're reading from their.

Holy Book and it's just as a kid.

I just always remember walking through the guy would say something like and then the man is walking and they would stop and then someone would.

Yell rude.

Anybody from Harlem or even they used to do it in Nework. But yeah, so I'm just telling Mandy rude.

I'm reading reading, I'm going okay. So our questions from Carrie and Pittsburgh the long question.

You guys like to write about your feelings, so.

Let me try and summarize what she says. So thanks again Carrie for writing the question. Yes, she says, my husband and I both work full time and we make decent salaries. I work in higher ed he works in upper management and retail. Unfortunately, they feel like their salaries are not getting them very far. They're working paycheck to paycheck and have been for years. Last year, my husband took on an amazing job opportunity, but they had to do long distance for five months because she, at the

Yeah, so I was going to say yeah whenever had that question, was like, oh, that's such a man thing.

Sorry, man, he.

Thinks so her husband says he thinks all he thinks, all he or she would tell us to do is pay off her credit cards. My question is will going to a financial advisor be useful giving our scenario? And secondly, should we consider a debt consolidation servicer PROS or cons sore with the first one?

So the first one, I would say, so usually a financial advisor.

What usually sets them apart?

It's sounding like you're needing more like a financial planner, because a financial advisor, their main focus usually is retirement and investment investments, right, I mean, some of them do help with budgeting, but that you can't.

But if you're a good advisor, though, you can't get to retirement without first starting with the budgeting and play.

Yeah, but honestly, I know, literally because you know that's what I don't. I'm not a financial advisor. I'm a financial educator. So, like, I know a ton on ton on ton of financial advisors, and they not to say that they don't want to help with budgeting, but that's not usually where their focus is lying when they're helping, so they might do like a cursory kind of like oh, yeah, this is a basic budget but.

They're not going to lean in.

And it sounds like to me that you're needing first and foremost you need like some sort of budget, like a plan of like paying down the stead a plan for this is like if you're gonna if you want a house, you have to have a plan for that. So it's sounding like not to say you have to go out and hire a financial planner, but that's what it's really sounding like, that sitting down and creating a budget.

There are some free resources that you can get because she can free.

So see what I would say, ask your husband if because you don't want to do stuff behind his back, because that's your husband, So asking him, like, you know, even though you might not totally agree or whatever, how do you feel if I just at least go and ask some questions, like even if you want to create some questions with him and sit down at least talk because if it, if it comes free, why not use

I don't know if they have a budgeting component.

Well, there's so many different layers here. I mean, ment is more about you have a budget, and you tell it you have a budget, and then you tell it what your limits are. But you have to already have decided what your budget is. I mean, it sounds like she wants to know about debt consolidation. That may be a question that your financial advisor could help you with, but if it's through your benefits package at work, he may just or he or she may just want to talk.

To you about your four While I was going to say that that's what, but just see, how would you know unless you see I mean, I'm not trying to do like a plug here, but this is free. So one thing I started that we'd be really great for you as a woman, and a lot of women join and then they kind of pull their husbands in. Later I started this thing called the Live Richer Challenge specifically for that because so many people are like, I don't

Look to for stuff like that.

If your financial advisor does not seem like that, that's what they're gonna be helping you with. But it doesn't hurt to ask questions because your financial advisor usually will start with a budget, but you might need a little bit more handholding. And we can't really tell you whether or not you should consolidate your debt because you.

Can talk about this too.

If it's student loan debt that you're worried about. You went to graduate school, which means you might have private student loan debt, and if that's the case, there are.

Resources out there for you.

There's so FI that's my favorite. I say, yeah, they're the big wig, but there's also Common Bond is another one. These are both startups, but they do private student loan refinancing. They do some mortgages and stuff too, but as loans. Yeah, but their main business is.

A student loans.

Student loans how they started off, I think, And if you have private loans, they can I mean if you have good credit, which is you know you didn't. You haven't mentioned your credit, but if you have good credit, I think their minimum credit score to qualify for loans is seven hundred, so you have to have pretty good credit to qualify, but can reduce your rates to pretty low. I think they started like two percent, So depending on what your private student loan interest rates is, that could

I did. I know.

It can be overwhelming because it's separating like private from federal, but you can go talk to your loan service or just call them up and say ask them about income based repayment. There are There is a federal debt consolidation program. However, they won't like take all your loans and give you a lower rate. They'll take the average.

Of basic.

But it's just you'll be paying one bill versus like multiple exactly.

And although so FI and Common bond do allow you to refinance federal student loan, you should not because I mean for one specific reason, which is that you'll be turning those federal loans into a private loan, and.

Private loans are private.

They don't have any the same federal benefits and intent based repayment, the pay as you earn plan, all these sort of barons deferment stuff like that. And also, yeah, that's a big that's a big reason why.

So one, so I guess this is our our three prong tip. Yes, you should meet with your financial advisor. Definitely talk with your husband about it and just CONVINCEM for you to at least sit down with him.

That's one.

Two it's sounding like you guys need to get a clear budget on the table of like like.

What's really happening.

So that way, because you can't have a debt plan unless you have a budget. First, you can't start to really rebuild your credit unless you really figure out what is your money doing. And that's just what a budget is, a physical picture. So you need to get a budget on the board. And so that free resource of the

It sounds like from her question, so when you guys, when you were in grad school and he was you were paying for two runs and all those extra expenses. You said you were putting all the additional expenses on credit cards. And my concern is that you guys might still be leaning on the credit cards. And if that's the case, you really have to figure out why you're turning to credit cards so much. And it could be

You're not gonna be able to be able to get a home if you have mass, masses massive amount of credit card debt.

At least overwhelming.

But it's not honestly because like Mandy said the same thing like me, Like I lost my job in like two thousand and nine. I was a teacher, and I was relying heavily on credit cards until literally one day I had to be like, like I was paying I was paying them down, using it, paying it down, using it. And then finally I was like, Tiffany, the number one rule when you're in the ditch and you're trying to

I'm like, stop digging.

So if my shovel was my credit card, I literally took the credit card out of my wallet and cut it up and was like, now what We're gonna only deal with what's here now. And that helped significantly because it was like now, when I was paying, at least it was going somewhere, you know, because it wasn't.

For like a few years, I was.

Just paying and getting back into debt. So finally I put down the credit card. It was not easy. They were definitely bills that were late. I think sometimes people are looking for us to say.

Like, well, you know, it'll work.

No. Sometimes there were bills that were late, and it was scary because I had never been late before. But I had to prioritize like shelter food everybody else can wait. And then slowly but surely, I doug. I used to have like an eight to h two credit score because I lost my job. I couldn't afford my mortgage and it fell to like a five seventy four. But slowly but surely, after putting down a credit cards and paying them off, it took me a few years to do

Absolutely. And it sounds like you have a I mean, not to be cumming down.

I'm just kind of I'm shoying it's going to be along road, like you're not going to get all this at one time, and you shouldn't put that pressure on yourself. I know it feels like everyone should be at we should all be homeowners and having kids and starting families, and like, I mean, I just got engaged. I don't feel ready to pay for a wedding, but I mean, you just can't have it all at one time. To

And also see, you know what you could try to do too.

If he doesn't want to go to the financial advisor, maybe because like the United Way by me would have financial education classes and they were free.

I used to actually teach them.

So looking to see maybe in somewhere are there some organizations that have free financial education classes. Well, they'll walk you through, you can ask questions, and so maybe your husband's not comfortable with the financial advisor, but hey, how do you feel about me coming to the class even if he doesn't want to go. Places to have a lot of women that will come in and like their husband will come in the first time, and then I would never see the husband again, but.

The wife would keep coming. She would bring the information home.

So that might be also too, because it sounded like you need a little handholding, which is fine, and you might be able to get it for free.

And Pittsburgh is a pretty big city.

I'm sure there's some resources available that way, So hit up your local United Way and see if they can tell you something. A lot of times banks will have stuff too.

Yeah. Yeah, So I'm hoping we'll give you just enough to make your head spend.

You can't solve all your problems ten minutes, but.

No.

But yeah, Carrie, the fact that you wrote in lets me know that you are willing to take this, willing to take the next step.

So that's the biggest part you can do it.

You just got to pivot exactly, just got to change the storyline.

So pivot in Pittsburgh. We believe in you.

Speaking of pictspurdh never mind, I was gonna say I saw create that takes takes place in Philly. Oh okay, rocky, all right, anyway, that's second way.

So that is our tips men for the week. We're at the end of the show. Yes, it's time for wigs to the.

Show, which boys to men was on the way they were they were amazing.

I was like, what happened.

I mean Brandy and Soul Train on Fantasia was in the middle, but she actually was not bad.

She was amazing.

But the songs like the Sitting Up in My Room, the End of the Road, like those two.

And even you know Tevin Campbell, even though his voice is not where it was that song honestly, like can We I used to.

Love that song.

Did you have quiet storms on radio when you were a kid? Yeah, that was my feel one O three. I used to listen to go to sleep.

Honestly, now you have maybe like literally I was like and Jill Scott rocked out. I love the Jill Scott.

I gotta catch up with my clips.

Yeah, it just made me want to like literally just sit in front of my laptop and just stay up all night listen to like the great music of.

Like my error. Yes, so boys, men can be a win. Yes, well, no, we know what the win is. The win is that rock?

The rock that I'm gonna get back. I feel like I dropped my baby off at daycare. I know it, I know it's on a baby, but I feel like, while the ring is getting resized, I'm like having palpitations.

So I think that's our win, and then we all we both have really good Thanksgiving, So that's a good win. I cooked a turkey. I came out really good, and the pictures look amazing. I'm not gonna lie.

I was like, look a Mandy, you cook it in form. But it was my very first turkey. You know what's disgusting preparing a turkey?

Really?

You know what's inside that I don't want to know. I remember you wrote you can't unsee gooblet. You cannot Oh my god, the giblet, the neck bone.

I like neck bone, but you don't want to see it raw. I wasn't expecting it either.

I'm like, oh, the giblet is like a bloody bag of guts, and then you get the deck bone, which is just out there.

I mean, I was a trooper.

I used to make the gray bead green. It was on point.

Really. Oh yeah, I was. I was all like the southern balin you just came out. I'm a good cook. I realized my dad used to.

My dad used to own a soul food restaurant so called Ruby's Soul Food in Atlanta. I like, yep, but I was happy. I had just small gathering all my friends.

You know who you are. Let me with the leftovers. Wow, greed.

I tried cleaning up, putting the plates away, trying to be sneaky. They're like, oh no, no, no, all the pots back out, all the pants, where's the tinfoil. One of my friends left with an ice pack because they went to the movies. After She's like, oh, you have that ice pack?

Let me get that. I just like, I want to keep this food on ice. Yeah, I love it. Went to the movies, yeah, to see Creed. Yeah, I heard like good things about Creed. Creates amazing.

You know, it's crazy how many so boxing is a sport with like what majority black men? Right? I feel like right, But there's no like movie with the black actor. All the boxing movies you think of, like Rapky, what's the one Cinderella Man thee with Jake Jill.

So it's nice to see Michael B. Jordan. He's amazing. Yeah, each from newarkau is he Yes, his body though he could be from Mars. It doesn't matter. Creed was amazing.

You should get and it sounds corny, like oh my god, the good Seventh Rocky, But that's a whole new life for the whole genre. I'm sure we do sequels and stuff.

I loved it, so that's a win. Creed is a win. That Rock is a win. Yes, and having great Thanksgiving.

So Superman came to the to like, well, he'd met my parents before, but it was his first Thanksgiving with what was it?

M he was?

He was all nervous, well, because it's only we've only went together. We only had like I think when we got together last year. When did we get together? Anyway, There's only been one Thanksgiving. Yeah, so it was like kind of but he was all nervous. He was gonna get all dressed up. I'm like, where are you going? Are we going to church?

No, put on some sneakers on the elastic pants. That's what Thanksgivings all of that, and so he was all tight at first. But everybody was really nice to him, so he like relaxed and he had a good time. I had a very diaspora of Thanksgiving because we went to my sister's house.

So we're Nigerian, her husband Jamaican. So we had like we didn't even have stuffing and stuff. We had jerk chicken like more and more, which is a Nigerian food. We had like all these things that were like Jamaican and Nigerian. And then like later on we went to Jarell's cousin's house, well Superman's cousins house and his family is like you know, roots southern black.

So it was like all like the potato candy, Gams Collagen.

It was just so I had literally every type of not not every type, but we had Caribbean food, African food, and soul food. It was just the best greedy Thanksgiving ever.

Yeah, oh my god, shout out to my friend Jessica for that mac and cheese girl, my Archerie, thank you.

So we had a good, good holidays. I got a Christmas tree.

We hope you guys are having a good pre holiday for those of you who you know.

Yes, and so remember you can always find us on Twitter and at the BA podcast on Facebook, Brown Ambition and Gmail.

Brown Ambision Podcast at gmail dot com. We love love your question. Yes, we also love love when you tell it how much you love love Brown Ambition, And we'd also love love some iTunes reviews.

Please send some itunesroo.

We had some great momentum, but you guys.

Have can leave yeah review. We got a couple of reviews. Don't get paid for this, yes we do not.

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Every review you leave will just make it all the better when I'm like red eyed at midnight editing this thing and trying to get it up by six thirty in the morning. But really the support has been awesome. Yes, thank you guys, thank you. Almost see you next week.

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