Ep. 134: Better a $400 lesson than $4,000 lesson

just because I can. I kind of I'm okay with working even though you're supposed to be off, if it means when you come back on Monday that you'll be a little less stressed.

five hundred dollars. And I was like, oh, that sounds good, right, I mean, I don't know, I'm not familiar with dumpster prices. And so we got it. You know, he didn't even really fill it up because honestly, we didn't have that much. It was mostly wood and so it wasn't super full, and you know, they took it away. We thought everything was great, and so we got another bill for like four hundred and fifty dollars via email and saying that like the dumpster was over by four tons, and I'm like,

that seems odd for a non full dumpster. So I'm realizing now. I didn't get a chance to take a look at the company online, but I'm I'm I probably wouldn't be surprised that that's their gotcha gotcha that they get you with this low price and then they hit everybody with the extra. Hey, psych thought you had to deal. So I just told Superman, call your credit card company

before they charge you. They've already charged the initial five hundred, call your credit card company and be like, don't allow this charge to come through because it's fraudulent, and they're trying to because how you're gonna tell us we went over there's no like, where's the proof. It's not like they take you to the measuring site and then they put something else in the wording where it's like and and even when we when we drop it off at the at the waste whatever landfill, it might be even

more expensive because they might say it's more. I'm like, oh, we're not doing all this, so you just won't be allowed to charge our cards. So yeah, it was just like it's just a learning lesson about like, you know, the cheapest is not always the best obviously, and then to do like we really typically we do our due diligence. But Superman is new to the review to the review game, so he's just looking like, oh, okay, but I'm always

all about the reviews. I don't care what your mom said, your sister said, I want to see the stars online, like how many stars you have? And I want to read the one star reviews? What did they say about you? You're a thief? Not in my house?

and they were also mean to us, and the second bid was just right. We had a good feeling, he had great reviews, we both liked him. Blah blah blah. His his bid, while not the lowest, was reasonable and he seemed very like straightforward about everything. But when I got the actual contract, it was like the dinkiest little paragraph, which basically was like a fancier email than what he had sent us with the original bid, like we'll do XYZ for this much money, it'll take this much time.

It had like the essential information, but it didn't look to me like any sort of legally binding contract should where it didn't have anything about what happens if you don't complete the job and what happens if we stopped paying you. You know, there wasn't that protection for both sides. And then I did some research into what a contract should you know. First I texted a couple of friends I know who have recently done renovations, and they were

both like, our contract was ten pages long. Meanwhile mine was like five hundred words. So I went on Angie's list and they had a nice little explainer on what a contract should include. And actually he had the key essentials. It was just very like bare bones. But what we were missing, though, is something really important that I asked him to add and he said, okay, which is alien elite.

I can't say this word right lean release L I E N. And what can happen if you don't have this is like, so your your general contractor is going to hire an electrician, a plumber, HVAC person like the trade people working under him, and then he's going to be the one paying them. Okay, if they do a project on your house and the contractor doesn't pay them, they could have a case against you and sue you put a lien on your house and then say you

owe them money. Yeah. So I checked our my husband's a cousin's recent home improvement contract and they had a lean release. So I emailed him and I was like, we need to add this language to the contract and also a couple other things. And now I'm just like, you know, like we went from kind of being like totally set on someone and now we have another delay because we need to get this contract in shape.

Nobody wants to feel like they're ripped off, so I just feel like, you know, it's a it's a good It's better a four hundred dollars lesson than a four thousand.

our yard is brown. Like okay, I just know everyone passes by our house and they're like, oh, there's the newbies.

eight years old. Her name is Alexandria Cossio Cortes, and she's of Puerto Rican descent. Dope she that that news came out. Then over the weekend there were all those protests, the Families Belonged Together protests to support immigrants at the border whose family whose children were taken away from them. Something like two thousand kids were taken and I think several hundred kids still haven't been reunited with their family. So those protests happened. I missed the boat on that.

I was like, man, I blame Gmail because they sent my aclu email alert to like my promotions tab, which no one checks that tab. But I like woke up on Sunday and I was like, everybody is at this freaking protest anyway. And then I posted about Maxine Waters Mama Maxine, who is quickly becoming like she's always been a living legend. But it's just I love that she's having her She's like a social media me icon now. But apparently she's been getting really serious death threats and

she had to cancel a rally. And this was in response to her speaking out against what's happening at the border right now. And her response to the death threats was pretty bad, badass.

you listen. And if you're wanting to tag, just for us to shout you out on Twitter or on Instagram or either on Facebook. Our name on Twitter is at the b A Podcast. That's at the BA Podcast and again on Instagram briand Ambition Podcast. Oh so are you ready to boost their break?

Why does it have to feel like New Orleans out here? It's just this heat? And then we had a flash flooding today. I was like, so, what is really happening? What's really happening? I know that it's what is it? Uh No? What do they say that they that the Republicans say, don't doesn't this clout?

and see if it's worth it. What's funny is that I signed up in twenty thirteen, way way way back when, because I was a personal finance reporter, a business insider, and they were this new company and I wrote a story about them, and I was like, cool, I'll try that. Back then it was thirty five dollars a month, like what, which at the time, I mean, it still is a

good deal because like tickets in New York. I know in other places it's not that bad, but like movie tickets in New York are canna be fifteen to seventeen dollars for a regular ass movie, not even like three D. No snacks included, no reclining chairs, like a bare minimum. So you know, if I was and I love seeing movies, so for me, even at thirty five dollars, it was worth it because I would go to see like a

movie a week. But now it's it's definitely worth it if you're looking to sign up, and other companies are taking notice. I just read that AMC, the theater chain, is starting their own version of this, like a subscription service. I think it's nineteen ninety five a month. But for anyone is looking to beat the heat and go watch

a movie this summer, I recommend Movie Past. And I'm saying that with a touch of saltiness because I decided to take a break from my membership because we were moving and I wasn't going I wasn't using it like I like, I usually did, only to find out if you cancel it you have to wait a year before you can get back on it.

you were thirty five. And then the other age, you know, I'm like, oh, yeah, there goes to thirty five year old woman. Tell me. So it's just a it's a weird spot. She's eleven, she'll be twelve in October. So it's like this, like I remember that age where we were like wait, I still like like, you know, I'm still a kid. Wait, but I want to be an adult, but I'm still a kid. So it's a cute but frustrated age. And plus she's tall, almost as tall as

I am now because her father's so tall. So it's like it's weird because now, like when we send things to the laundry sometimes, like you know, they'll put like you know, maybe like her tank top with my things, you know, oh I know, And I'm like, oh, put.

the way, so funny. Unless it's not really a friend, we'll see anyway. She says, a friend of mine is buying a house for the first time. However, she's taking twelve thousand dollars out of her IRA for all of the associated costs, a down payment, the closing costs, the appraisal. The seller is not willing to pay her closing costs. I think this is a really bad move, but she's

hell bent on moving out of her apartment. I even suggested walking away and maybe asking the seller to pay some of the closing cost What do you think is this a major mistake? Maybe some people may not know that you can in some cases borrow money from your four to one K, which I think is what she's talking about, your four to one K for for housing costs. It's an option. You can take out a loan, or you can can do a distribution. Those are different things.

explored and exhausted other options. Has she gone to like her her city hall and said, hey, are there are there like matching options because sometimes like they're like for example, like I think I share with you guys. M ANDT Bank has like a matching program for first time home buyers. Has she looked into NAKA so because there are other programs that she might qualify for that I could actually could pay for that so she could keep her money where it is. And sometimes these programs are like grant

programs or you don't have to pay it back. So I'm not I'm not I'm not one hundred percent opposed to taking money out, although it's it should be the very very very last choice. If you ask me if you're going to go that route, that means you exhausted all the other options that you have out there, which it sounds like that she might not have.

four one K, like it's a piggy bank. If you're borrowing from your four oh one K, that means you're actually going to repay yourself quote quote back to your four to one K, So you can borrow up to fifty thousand dollars or half the value of your account, whichever is less, so long as you're using the money to pay for a home purchase, and there's a nominal interest rate that you know you'll be charged, but again it's sort of paying it to yourself. You do have

to repay the loan. But the thing is it's a four toh one K, which means this is typically it's always actually tied to an employer, and if you were to lose your job, get fired, or get laid off or something like that, that loan could become due within the next year. So it's like the entire balance of it.

So that's the risk if something happens with your employer and you don't have enough money to pay off the loan in total by the time that they tell you had to pay it off, then you could get hit with regular taxes and that early withdrawal penalty like we talked about earlier.

it was like basically half of what I had. So like I remember that was like I the school I worked for didn't match for the like, so all of that money was my money that I literally like lost. So yeah, it just wasn't a gooddy hit. So yeah, I mean, I mean, ultimately your friend is grown, so she's gonna make what of her choices that she's going to make, but definitely encourage her that, at the very least go to her town and ask if there are programs that she might qualify for.

life forever. But yeah, as long as she's weighing all the pros and cons and is doing it for the right reasons, then it can be a better option than you know, taking out an expensive loan which you can't even do for a down payment, or borrowing money from family and friends, which can be awkward. So so yeah, thanks, miss d We have a nosy question from a listener.

He worked the whole building, but my daycare center where I worked at the bottom of this project building and the worst section of New York. It was not pleasant. The kids were awesome, though, and so like I loved working there because the kids were amazing and Superman was

one of the maintenance guys. So you know, like I said, I vaguely remember thinking like, oh, yeah, he's hands down, But at the time, I was like all loved up with my then boyfriend, who, like I said, I thought it was gonna marry and then, and I think Superman was in a relationship then. I don't know, but like him, like all the other kind of like guys in the building, they would come by and fix things in the in

the center if it needed to be fixed. One thing I do remember about him was that I remember thinking he reminded me of you remember coming to America, Prince Hakeen. The way he was mopping the floor in like in mcgowel's.

we must have been at our twenties whatever. But then when I was thirty, I broke it up, like with my with my guy, I thought I was gonna marry and I was all like, oh my life. And I told myself I was gonna get back out there because we had been broken up for a year or two. And Facebook said, hey, you know people that you might know and he popped up and I was like ooh.

I remember I remember thinking like, oh, this guy is cute, and I was like, wait, is that that guy from the he's a daycare Center and I was like, oh it is. I was like, ooh, so he's not a stranger. So I friended him and then it turned out it was like his birthday. His birthday was the day before, and I was like, oh, happy birthday. I owe you some ice cream. I was trying to be cute, but I was like, hey, I never asked the guy out, and him being fast behind that, he was was like, okay,

I'm free tomorrow. I was like, and we ended up going out for ice cream, and I remember being like, Wow, he's really nice. He's a throwback Superman. He's like even though he was like born and raised and like the projects of New York.

didn't have a college degree. But what I really love about Superman is that he is like one of the kindest people that I know, Like everybody in the neighborhood

knows him. Like I like, literally, we were driving home the other night and I saw that a car was pulled over in the side of the road and there's a woman standing out there, and I knew already it was already late, and I thought to myself, I said, oh, we're gonna pull over, because I could just see him looking like, oh my gosh, someone's their car has stopped. And then he saw that there was like two guys with her, so he kept going and he saw that

they were helping her with her with her car. But that's him, Like I could be sitting watching TV and he'll bust to the door. He's like, vibes, we have apple sauce. I'm like what, And then there's a troop of kids behind him, and so I it took me.

I'm not gonna lie, it took me a minute to let go of the fact that he wasn't traditionally what I thought that I would end up with, you know, because although he's super sweet, he's also hood just from like you know, and so it but I dated like a number of guys and one of the reasons why the guy who I thought I was gonna marry we didn't work out is because I at the time, I knew I wanted something more, and I was working on trying. I knew something in me said, I want to do

more than just teach at the stay Care center. There's something else. But he loved the fact that I was a teacher and just came home and like looked after him. And I didn't want that kind of life. And what I love about Superman is that he always encourages me to do more, Like his only question is how can I help? And so I had to let all of the fact that, like, yes, maybe traditionally we don't match up, but when it comes to emotionally, he's my perfect match,

you know, And so I don't know. I always tell women that, you know, whoever your match might be, might not, you know, might not on the outside, I mean Superman, I mean he's really handsome, but you know, I wasn't counting on that. I'm like, oh yes, but like other than that, like you know, everything else doesn't match up. The way we grew up doesn't match up, our backgrounds don't match up, But it's just the perfect match. So that's my love story with Superman.

it's hard. I mean, I think obviously with the older you get, I think the perception is that it's going to be really hard to find people and find someone to date. But listen, I've seen my mom get married twice and she's in her fifties now. If my mom can do it, anybody can. And she's never really given up on love, and she's she finally found the one for her. And she's she's almost sixty now, so she

just got read married last year. She actually married her high school sweetheart and her previous husband she had met on I think match dot com, okay and taking a page out of my mom's book, I met my husband on Okay Cupid way back in twenty of twelve when okay cubid was like the hot stuff, and now I feel old because no one uses it as people use it. But it's like there's Tinder and there's Bumble, and there's all these new apps that are out there. Now I'm

all about online dating. I know so many couples who have met each other on Tinder, on okay Cupid. I've been to several online dating success weddings, and I think especially if you're and you're in a big city like bostonick I, you know, I feel that way about New York. It's hard to meet people, you know, in these big cities where everyone seems like they're in their own world and it's hard to like have a you know, strike up a conversation. But I'm I'm all about online dating.

If you haven't tried it, I say, give it a try. I also feel like classic advice do what you love doing, like be out there in the world doing what you do love doing, and hopefully you'll meet someone who's kind of crossing your path. And then I wish when when Tiffany I was like noding my head when you were talking about how like what you the expectation that you have. Sometimes it can hurt, I think when you're looking for a partner, because I have I definitely have a girlfriend

or two or not just girlfriends. But people I've seen who are very like like, they're expectations are so outrageous that I mean, I hate to be a guy dating this person because they're kind of coming in as a loser already because they can't sort of meet the high expectations. So yeah, I always looked at like my husband as a good investment, like maybe there's some things that can be improved, this is going to get me in trouble, but like I always saw the solid return on investment

potential with them. With my husband, like, he a same thing, very very like all the all the basics of what you want, like good human being professionally successful, you know, ambitious, but not so ambitious that we were going to be at odds with one another because with our careers, very fambul oriented and he had a lot of good friends.

That was my that was my checklist, checked all those boxes, Like just if you just become just get basic about what you're looking for, yes, because that's all you need at the end of the day. Just someone who's nice to you and reliable. Yeah, And and.

what are the core things? Like really core things? And honestly, when I looked at the core things, like college degree for me wasn't on there because I had gone through and dated like all of these guys who were like successful and whatever. And so when I realized what was missing from those relationships, when I really wanted somebody won

who was intrinsically kind. I remember that was so big to me because I had dated guys who when we were together, they were amazing, so sweet, and then we went when we started to break up whatever, it was like, who is this guy? He's terrible, you know, And I thought, Wow, I want someone who is not just kind because they're with me or they love me. But that's like kindness is their default. That that was critical to me. And that's what I see in Superman is that, like his

default is kindness. So like even when like you know, we have Supermom who's super Supergirls, my my bonus daughter, her mother. So even if they don't get along for whatever read I mean, honestly, they've got a really great relationship, but let's just say, you know, they have a difference about like who's going to pay for back to school clothes or whatever, you know, but then his his default is always kindness. So seeing that, I was like, wow,

I knew I wanted that. And also too, I wanted somebody who's going to make the effort because I found, like you know, dating, sometimes guys were so lazy. I'm like, well, dang, can you do something? And so like Superman really makes the effort to make me feel special. Like if I come home, like when I come back from Essence Pest,

I already know what's going to happen. One, the house is going to be immaculate, because he always feels like if I come home from like a work trip, I should come home to not have to having to do work. Two there's going to be food. Three, the AC will be on in the room, and like my nightgown will be like laid on the bed because he knows as soon as I come home from a flight, I alway I don't care if I slept on the flight. I always want to sleep. Like that's such sweet effort.

off his income. We just save and invest. Mind, you know, it's just like does he make more than me? No? But I was sad to tell my dad the truth is, like the point where I am now is my businesses. I mean, even if I was dating a doctor or a lawyer, they're not gonna they're not making more than me. So like what are we like? Am I who am I dating Like it's you know, so I'm not dating for that. So but honestly, now my parents love him and it's funny to hear them say his name with

his with their Nigerian action. How's y'all hauts done. I'm like, like, he's fine, and my sisters have always loved him, like he's just always been like they know they need to move something or something is broken or whatever, cause superman come buy and help. I'm like, look, y'all, he is not your your personal handyman. Maybe I'll come by and help. But yeah, so just like just be open and don't let your family tell you, because I mean, if it was up to my family, I would have been by myself.

My dad finally came around and realized, like, my rules are going to keep tiffany single forever. I was like, well, not me, Like I was gonna choose regardless. You were going to have to come along, and I knew if I spit out a baby, he was going to be like, yes, I'm coming back around. But luckily he didn't have to wait till that. But don't let your family choose for you. Don't let them shame you into picking a choice. That

they think is right for you. Pick your own choice based upon your core core values, you know, not based upon what you think society is going to say or think.

someone hopefully who's as established in their career. So you're just like, I don't know, being in your I'm looking forward to being in my forties honestly because I feel like it'll just be a time when things are kind of like they've you've gone through your thirties and like all the you know, all the rat race and like

trying to get established. And I'm hoping by the time in my forties and fifties and just like in a good, like secure place and hopefully you find a partner who's like in a secure place emotionally and career wise, and then can just be even more devoted to you and your relationship.

she's like he just means fake. I'm like, either way, I'm out of here. Bla yes, lost in translation.