Ep. 103 – Redefining Wealth with Patrice Washington

And I'm doing a little jazz hands over here as well, in your honor. Yes, I can hear it. I can hear the jazz hands.

called me my nanny's name like three times in a row. Oh, I'm like, why does she keep calling me miss Angela? You know? And here's the deal. Have any kids, or ever see any kids? Met a kid. You ask a little kid a real question, They're going to give you a real answer. And I asked her, like, why do you keep calling me miss Angela? And essentially she kept it all the way real. She's like, because I talked to her all the time, and that really hurt.

and so it's to be her mother. And it was a reminder that I never wanted to be a public success and a private failure. And in that moment I started to really strategize and think about how I could

take a few steps back. So I know, for a lot of people, it doesn't seem like I've disappeared, because I've been all over the place, still doing a lot, but I've been so much more intentional and strategic about my family time and how that really connects to this pursuit of me being America's money Maven and living in my purpose and doing all this work I really love.

But I was struggling. Honestly, I was losing focus at that time and thinking that if I just kept going and going and going, which I know a lot of people can relate to that, you know, we're kind of chasing that next shiny object. But in that moment, I realized that wasn't it. So for the last two years, I've really been pulling back a little bit. And it's funny because you know, I talk about this all the time and people are like, man, so you work that

hard and you just gave up all your money. Actually, no, that's not what happened. I started to go on the road less, but I leveraged the fewer opportunities that I was taking and I actually made more money hallelujah, since I haven't been doing the same amount of work.

it's not like I dislike the work. Yeah, I don't want to look up and you know, you know, I my husband and my bonus baby and the baby that I want to have. Nobody knows me, you know. Yeah, YEA was struggling with that transition of how do I to pull back? So listen, that's why kids conversation we're going to have today of redefining wealth if I can sid Yeah, awesome.

topics right over and over and over again. And so when I had some time to sit back, I was like, this isn't even you anymore now, Like that doesn't even make you happy. You are not pumped up and super jazzed about talking about budgets anymore, or talking about credit reports or talk like that just doesn't make you happy anymore. And so that was one of the first ways I started to evaluate what I would do and what I wouldn't was by getting really clear about what did fulfill me,

what piece of this whole, because there's so much. We all have our part, right, like we all I met you guys at a personal finance you know conference at fin Con and stuff, and we all offer our own little secret sauce to this whole you know, environment of personal finance. And I was like, there are people out there who will cover that what feels right for you, like what really speaks to your heart, speaks to your soul,

speaks to your journey. And once I got really clear on that, it became easier to just cross things off the list. Because we would talk to people, you know, when people would pitch me on coming to things or being a part of things, we would say, okay, well, Patrice would like to steer the conversation this way is are you okay with that? And some people will be like, no, we need your one, two, three bullet points on this

very specific topic. And I'm like, nah, it's okay. Like I'm not gonna leave my kid to go be disgruntled somewhere for what I could be disgruntled at the PTA meeting, Like no, I'm okay, you know, I don't. I don't have to leave my house to go and do that. I'm not. You know, that's what we work for, Tiffany, right, Like you work to build something that gives you freedom, but we turn around and become a slave to it, yes,

or a preacher to the choir, yeah, you know. And I was like, man, I'm a slave to these sound bites. I don't want to live like this. I truly want to talk about what God puts on my heart. And so the first thing was like really getting clarity around what that was because I knew it was something, but I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it real. Like at first I couldn't tell what it was. That was just kind

of vexing my spirit. You haven't just been like like an uneasiness and you know that like you gotta shift, but you don't know to where or to what or how. You just feel something is like not right. So that's what it was. So taking a step back agatting clarity was a really really big one, and then putting people in place around me, on my team to help hold me accountable to that, because that's the other thing. You know,

we become a slave to it. And it's like people dangle dollars in front of you, like, I mean, I could, I guess I could come back one day, you know, if I make it a quick trip. If I do this, you know, if you try to rationalize or as I like to say, rational out lies to yourself. So I would try to rationalize, and so I hired one of my good friends to support me, and I got some really great team members in place who helped me set up systems so that I wouldn't even hear about some

of the opportunities that were just not a fit. Like they would go through the process, take in the form, make the call, talk to people you know, do their research, and then if they determined based on what we talked about being a fit versus a non fit, if they determined that it wasn't a fit, no one would ever

tell me. And that was the best because it didn't even bog me down, you know, like I wouldn't even think about things because again I would try to justify things like, oh, I remember they hired me to do such and such back in two thousand tens, Like I would be doing all these little justifications. And once the team got in place and we put systems and kind of rules in place, man that freedom so much it was awesome. And then I wasn't everywhere, so I could leverage that and charge charge more.

will there be another one? Will there be another one?

should be there, Maybe it should be networking. But one of the things when I knew about different things we were turning down, I've been really intentional about taking those same days or weekends and deliberately spending time with my family or doing something that really made me feel like, oh, you know what, I didn't miss anything because this is where it was at, Like this, putting makeup on with my daughter, letting her tell me I want mommy, I

want you to beat my face. Oh no. And we had a little music makeup in mimosas with Apple cider, of course, but us having that moment and just spending that type of time. Honestly, it fulfilled me in such a way, like it makes me so happy that it also provided like the peace of mind and clarity to

go create what did fit? You know, So a lot of things have happened over these last couple of years, Like this past year, I launched a whole new website at Patreseashington dot com, and I really put time into thinking about what are the things that have truly helped

me rebuild. So when you guys go back and listen to my first episode, I'm sure you'll hear my story about going from you know, a seven figure business I built out of college, to losing it all in the recession, scraping up change, living on my brother's couch in two thousand and nine to rebuilding everything and becoming America's money Maven. And one of the things I got clear on during that time is that I really felt like I was starting to do people a disservice by not telling them

my full story. You know, It's like, how do you end up? How do you go from your brother's couch to now you're sitting on this couch across from Steve Harvey on his talk show every month, like little something happened in between you think like maybe maybe there's some things that we could talk about. And because I only ever had time to talk in sound bites, right, Like, I never could really get into it the way that

I wanted to. And so over the last year and a half it was really like just heavy on me, Like you need to create something so you can tell your own story, so that you can share the things that you've done that have helped you. Like, of what other place would I be able to talk about you know, music, makeup and mimosas with my daughter, slash apple cider with my daughter, Like where else could I really talk about that? Not on the Steve Harvey Show. I mean, shout out

to see I love them, but not there. They don't want to hear that I'm the money Maven. So I got to only talk about money and that's it. But I really believe and have believed for a long time, as I'm sure I said in that interview before that building wealth has one hundred percent nothing to do with money. It has one hundred percent everything to do with us

in our mindsets towards money. And I believe that your mindset really dictates what your habits are and there were some really you know, deliberate and specific habits that I've developed over the last several years. But I wasn't comfortable getting out of that box at first, Like I said that, fear of like, oh, this is what they brought me here to do. I wasn't comfortable getting out of the box. And so like the last year and a half, I've

been like, that's it. I'm out the box. Like I got to get out the box by any means necessary. And that's where, like my whole tagline chase purpose not money. I don't only say that to encourage other people. That's a reminder to myself, like every day that I got to do things that fit who I am now, not who the money maybe it was in twenty ten. No, I love that. So what would you say, because I know you have your podcast and the uh is it

called Redefining Wealth? Yeah, it's called the Redefining Wealth Podcast. Yeah, So if if you were to define wealth personally for yourself, so you know, many people would be like wealth is having you know, a million dollars in the bank or whatever. What is your personal definition of wealth for you? My personal definition of wealth is the freedom to do what I want, when I want, with people I want to do it with. It's literally just freedom. And that was

the thing Tiff, like, I looked up long ago. But it's funny, like I looked it up a long time ago. I would say, maybe like two thousand and eight or nine. This is around the time that I had lost everything and I looked up for some reason. I was probably blogging around in an article. But the definition of wealth, and so when you look at it, the first few definitions are all about material possessions and money and assets,

and it's all the stuff that we think of. And if if you're a millennial who's connected on social media, you think wealth is yachts and true and like luxury travel and cars or shoes or whatever you think it is. But when you dig really deep the if you look at most online dictionaries, for sure, you'll see like seventh eighth definition all the way down. It says on a lot of them, the twelfth century definition of wealth means well being, like the true like weao, wealth is well

being and thh the condition. So back in the day, way back in the day, people considered wealth more like happiness. And it's so funny how we have totally gone, you know, to the extreme. On the other side of wealth is just stuff. But I think we all know for ourselves or no people who will tell us for sure that stuff doesn't make you happy. Yeah, so those are not though, like those are not usually exclusive, you know, like that

does not have to work hand in hand. And when I really thought about during this kind of mini sabbatical I've had, when I really thought about it and thought about my life from two thousand and seven, when the recession began for me and I started to kind of spiral down. By two thousand and nine, I was on that couch and when I thought about that, the things that I was doing every day, it really had to

do with all these other areas of my life. Yes, I was focused on my finances, but there's only so much you can do every day on your finances, Like there's twenty four hours in the day. Like you can't sit and look at your budget all day, or you can't like run your credit over and over again, or didn't watch your stocks or whatever like all day. There's

other habits that you got to have in place. And I just picked up some through research, some through coaching, some through mentorship and some through that just happened intuitively, because you know, like I said, I was pretty successful

before all the recession and all that. I just started looking at the different areas of my life that I really felt like had contributed to my wealth, contributed to me being where I am today, And money was definitely one, my work was one, but there were other areas that

I feel like just as much contributed. And that's what I wanted to share with other people, Like, maybe if you feel like you've been stuck and you've been trying to do all the right things with your money and you're still not getting ahead, maybe you gotta consider looking at some other areas of your life to help you get unstuck and get you closer to what you say you want.

leave the job they're unhappy with. I mean, would you say to people in those situations, you weren't starting from a place where they are their own boss, you know, like some entrepreneurs are.

And so for a period there, it was a short period, but it was a period nonetheless where I just felt like a failure and it was like you've lost it. And I mean I was like twenty six years old, and it felt like your life is over, You're done, like you're a rap, you know. And in redefining well, one of the first pillars is called fit, and fit

is about becoming your best self. And so a lot of people tend to further their brows sometimes when they hear me talk about fit because they think I'm automatically talking about physical fitness, which is one component. But the other thing I had to get really clear on was my mental fitness and when you have been through different things or failures or stepbacks, and you have been so beat up by life, you know, your mind can go

to some dark places. Not sure if anyone's ever been there, you know, you guys, but your mind can go to some dark places. And one of the things that I really needed to work through was just giving myself permission mentally first and foremost to accept that I was in a bad spot, like I had lost all my money, but my mind was not bad, you know, like this was literally an event, this is not you. And to

get unstuck. Some things that I did do was use like community resources for therapy when I lived in Atlanta, because I needed to talk to somebody, like my family wasn't getting it. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie, and I'm a big believer and a spiritual person and stuff, but folks telling me to pray about it wasn't helping either,

Like it just wasn't getting me over the hump. I would pray about it, feel like Okay, I left it on the altar or whatever, and then like a couple hours later, I'd be like, you know, like what happened to my life? How did I get here, especially when I was coming home the notices on the door and all kind of stuff like, So going to therapy really helped me separate who I was from what had happened, okay,

and not make those all one thing. And once I was able to take like a step back or even like a bird's eye view and kind of hover over this is the situation that's going on, like look down on that and try to, you know, move the pieces around best you can. But when you're in it, you can't see it. Like when I was in it, I had done everything that I could do, so I really felt like I had no other alternatives, Like I was exhausted and just sick and tired of being sick and

tired at that time. And so one of the things I always share with people is if you really feel stuck, faith is one way to kind of help you move

on or get out of that. But becoming mentally fit and talking to someone, talking to a professional, like I tell people, what if your success is on the other side of you, like sitting on somebody's couch and just saying, like, you know what, I don't know what, I don't know, but I know this isn't right and I need something, and so therapy was a big, big help for me, still is to this day. So I met with my accountant today. I was finally paying my quarter three taxes

of all late but whatever, they're paid. And I was asking him because sometimes you know, there's so many numbers, numbers, numbers, and I said, okay, so you know how much did I make for the year? And he was sharing and I was like, okay, how come I'm that? And I told him. I was like, how come and I'm I mean, I'm frugal by nature just because I just I guess

I grew up frugal. But I was like, dang, you know this is like what you know, I'm sure you know doctor's make right, like like all paid doctor And he was like yeah, if not more. I said, well, how come I'm not living in one of those big houses. I mean I did just buy a house, but those big houses on the hill. And he was like, can I let you in on a little secret because he does a lot of taxes. He was like, many of those doctors that live on the hill are broke. Yeah,

they can't afford it. Yeah, so why do you think we do that? So what pillar kind of addresses that that of your redefining wealth. Why is it that someone who's making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year puts themselves in a position that to not be able to really afford their life? Why do we do that? You know what, It's funny you ask which pillar because it's

really all of them. Like my big thing with reader defining wealth, a part of my big thing one is living your life's purpose, but the other is finding fulfillment. And a lot of people make those decisions because they're trying to fill a void. Right, So if you are trying to fill the void of maybe some relationships that didn't work out, but it could be with parents or family, friends, whatever, and you're on this constant chase to prove yourself, then

you make those types of decisions. You don't know that that's why you're doing it. You're not aware of it until you go go back and maybe do some work and look at that first pillar with the mental fitness piece. But a lot of people just they aren't even aware that they're doing it. Like that's why I talked about rationalizing and rationing out lies, Like we tell ourselves so many lies and we don't consider them to be lies.

But we create these stories in our mind and then we justify them, and we can justify them to the cows come home. But at the end of the day, like right as right as mc granny used to saying, wrong is wrong. If there's wrong, it's wrong, and if your accountant tells you it's wrong, it's probably definitely wrong. But all of these areas for me, these pills, like I really believe when people are just because you're a doctor, that doesn't mean you love it. Just because you're a lawyer,

that doesn't mean you love it. As a matter of fact, most of my friends who are lawyers kind of hate it in some former fashion. They're always complaining about it, even though they make great money. And so the workpiece, which is about living out your life's purpose, I speak to the fact that there are a lot of us who made career choices in particular because we were advised to.

Because I know, tif you're Nigerian and I'm Bellegian. You know, they can be very persuasive parents who's trying to you know, you got about three or four options to work from. You know, I didn't go down that path. So my dad was very disappointed that I wasn't an attorney, a doctor, a pharmacist or whatever. Those are the big three, you know, so when you are not, I really believe that when people are not living in their purpose, it is really easy for them to not be able to say priorities

because you're trying to fill the void. So if what you're doing day in and day out does not really just fill you with joy, you know, and just true make you feel like, man, this is what I'm here for, this is what I was called to do, then you do stuff like, well, at least I got to have a house that I love that shows that like I made it, you know, or at least I have to drive nice, or at least I have to wear the

best clothes. So we start to rationalize, and it happens every day, and many of us do it in different ways. Just some of us do it to our own detriment. I think everyone has a little something in them, but some of us just go way too far. But I don't believe you can recondition what you haven't recognize, and that's where we have to start, is like doing the work to recognize what are those things that kind of set us off.

what they think is is right. And of course social media you can you can obviously cee. You can just see everyone living their life and immediately compare yourself to it, and it'll feel like you're supposed to be doing you know, dot dot dot and I and I. I find myself now in my thirties, really pushing against that, the notions that that seem like I'm supposed to be doing this and wondering like why am I supposed to?

conscious choice. But I realized that I was very into I mean, I guess I should do it because and then searching for the dot dot dot like, oh it might be great networking, Oh so and so is going to be there, Oh well maybe I can, and don't you know, like most of the time that stuff never pans out like very rarely. It's like, really the things that I go to where I have no expectation is

where all like the juicy great stuff happens. Like the person I meet in the bathroom, you know, sitting on the random couch in the ladies room, or the person I meet broom sick about the person I meet about and like I meet in the hallway, or it's some random occurrence that I that I really couldn't have planned for any way. But the should are not always what

even pans out to be any thing worthy. You know, I'm like, every time I say I should if that even comes up, then I have to examine that before I move forward. Yeah, oh my goodness. I'm just like, it's scary though to and I and I've been through so many transitions where and typically as soon as you transition, you drop right And that drop is what people are

afraid of. So you know, when I transition from I don't want to do one on ones anymore, all of a sudden, I took a drop in income for the first few months, and I was like, oh, why did I do this? And then rebounded when I was like, you know what, I like doing these in person classes. And then when I said I don't want to do in person classes anymore, the drop happened. And I know that I'm ready to transition. And even though I'm like, Tippy, You're gonna be fine, it is scary to say, but

but that drop. Am I gonna be okay? Am I gonna Is this the time that I'm not gonna recover from that drop? I think that's what people are afraid of most. Like, I know that I want to take a that back, and I don't even know what that looks like in some way, in so many ways I have, and then I filled it with other things. I'm like, oh, you know what, I want to do these things. I'm

so busy today. Honestly though, I had a terrible day and I was like and normally like I'm really up upbeat and have to go lucky, and I don't notice how much I have going on. But when you have a terrible day, you start to realize. And I was like, Oh, throw everything away, everybody, nobody, I'm going back to teaching preschool where the babies. I felt like that. Not too long ago. I posted that in one of the groups that were in. I was like, have you ever just

been like, forget it. I'm gonna start from scratch. I want a whole new name. I might need another husband, a different husband who could give me a different last name. I'm throwing everything out, Like I think that that is such a natural part of entrepreneurship. Like if you don't want to stop everything that you're doing at least once or twice a year, don't know, like I don't know what you're doing, because that's I think that you have.

First of all, you have to have that level of crazy, I think, but that's the thing that makes you just like also keep pushing in an odd way, because like I'll have a day like that, and then the next day I'm like, oh on devil, you know, I feel like this come back, like there's resurgence of power, like absolutely not that will not happen to me today. And then I get like ninety seven things done in one day that totally made up for the three that I've

fumbled on the day before. So you know, I don't know, but I totally get you.

of your money in one savings account forever. You want to diversify.

I would say, like, nurture, nurture people, nurture the audience, but then charge the brands, right or charge whoever that would bring me out. So speaking is a big component of my income. Also, being a spokesperson or a brand ambassador, over the last few years has become a great portion

of income. And I actually look forward to doing those because I could work with fewer brands that I really like, but I just charge you more and so I don't have to do a million smaller things, which goes back to the whole the family piece I was talking about in the beginning. And then some of those partners they pay for my radio segment. I still am on the

Steve Harvey Morning Show. I still have a weekly segment about two to three million listeners fifty four cities, and I've been on there now every week for about three and a half years. So there's some back end stuff that I get through my partnership with iHeartRadio, which is actually who helped me launch the podcast. They really wanted to deepen the car, help me deepen the conversation, but also use that as a tool to promote to their sponsors.

And the thing I think I'm getting most excited about I haven't done it in a long time though. It is like group coaching, like like you know, like you said, Tiffany, you go in and out. So I'm in that dip right now because I totally shut off my one on one coaching because it just didn't fit anymore. Like I was, like, I mean I could, I should, but I don't want to.

Like I really want to walk women, especially high achieving women, through what these pillars really mean, you know, for redefining wealth, like the areas that we can really work in on our lives, especially if we know that we have a full life, but something deep down inside is still unfulfilled. Because I think if there is that unfulfillment, eventually, it's going to lead to financial mismanagement in some form or fashion.

So I feel like my path to helping people get to their wealth is making sure that there's well being in all the other areas of their lives, and then we can talk about how to manage you know, the money that you do have wisely. But I feel like if we don't address some of these other air areas, you'll always be a hot mess.

with the ladies. I said, you know what, if you have a vision for your life, you have a duty and a responsibility to protect the vessel that's needed to execute the vision, Like we cannot go and go and go and hustle and grind and then neglect the only body we have, right like that, you only get one, Like you can't neglect this body, put garbage in it and expect to get like great results out Like you can't.

And one of the things that I said is in the next seven days, for any of you who are ignoring any slight pain, any discomfort, anything that you've questioned and it's been going on for weeks or months or years and you've been putting it off, I want you to figure out who the specialist, who the doctor is you need to go to and make an appointment within the next seven days, Right, I think about sixty or

seventy percent of the people actually did it. And one woman ended up sending me a message and sharing that she found a lump on her breast and that they were catching it just in time. Wow, And that was like I'm sitting here reading this freaking direct message and I'm like wow, Like, so what good would it be for you to be And she had a great job all this stuff, but what good is it for you?

To make one hundred and fifty two hundred thousand dollars a year and you ain't even here and in the next day because you haven't taken care of yourself, Like what good is that? You know? I always think of like Steve Jobs, like this man who shifted, like no one's life is the same and he got here. No matter how much money that this billionaire man had, he is not here. And I always think that that, like,

you can't wealth your way to health necessarily. You know, of course there are some things, like you know, there's medicine and doctors, but ultimately, if you don't take the time to take care of yourself. And I have to say that I'm not here to judge whether he did or did it, but it just just goes to show that there's just there's no substitute for health, no amount of money that can guarantee you know, your life here. Wow, that's just really And that's why I say that pillar

is not about being skinny. So when people seem fit, you know, they're like, oh, you want me to just go to the gym. You're talking about being skinny, that's easy for you. First of all, I have been thin relatively my entire life. I've also had high blood pressure. I've also had issues with like acidic acid and my stomach, and like a gap in my esasagus that was causing all kind of issues and all kinds of stuff like

being thin doesn't matter, That doesn't make you healthy. And at the end of the day, even if I say that what I'm doing is to leave a legacy for my daughter, wouldn't it be nicer for me to just live a little longer so I could also be here for her. Yeah, I'm not working to make money to just make sure she goes to school death free, like I'd like to be at the graduation. That'd be nice. And so that those are some of the things over these several years where I started to take more control

of my health. I stopped with all that, Oh, i'm young girl. By I mean i'm young, I ain't old old, but I'm not twenty. Don't it get really get thirty? Though? I was just told that, I said, I remember all of this in my twenties. I was boxing yesterday and I still feel it in my lower back, all this little turn your body quick and all this. I'm like, sir, you're twenty something. Little coach like hold on now. But but yeah, it's not just about that. It's like an overall overarching thing.

totally believe it. I was like, you know, when you were looking for a little camaraderie and thought someone would have your back, and he gave me none of that because he's a real friend. So my husband and I ended up having a great conversation too, and that really began the beginning of us like really being more intentional about not having our phone out during dinner and when someone's talking to you, you look up from the phone, like you don't keep looking at the phone like I

hear you, I hear you, go ahead. Meanwhile you're like laser focused on your text message or your email or whatever. We had to work through some things that we could do, one to really I think, rebuild and continue to build intimacy and our marriage, but also to be a better example for our daughter. And one of the greatest things that you can give your spouse is just your time and attention. And it's really easy. You know, when I

was sleeping on the couch, my husband was too. You know, he took a job at Taco Bell and was working at Taco Bell having people throw open faced tacos through the drive through in his face like he went through it during that time. And so while I've been building this brand, he's been rebuilding himself and now he again has a seven figure business as well. And one of the things that we attribute that to is not just you know, getting clear about what we wanted to do

and chasing our passions and all that stuff. It's also the support that we've given each other in the time, time and attention we put in. Like we're very deliberate about date night. There was a time around the same time that my daughter got with me real tough in the kitchen. You know, we were doing deliberate date nights

every week for years, even when we were broke. When we were in New Orleans, broke and we had like a raggedy pickup truck, we would go to a Beignet shop, a Cafe Dumont near us UH in New Orleans and you know, play like three dollars. Oh, get us some Oh, I'm just thinking about it right now, get us. Did you hear it? I heard it. Hold on to you. Let me get myself together. Yeah, we get like hot chocolate and share it. And we would put the back down on that pickup truck and just sit back there.

We're talking like a five dollars date and we were just sitting in the back of the pickup truck and eat beignets and share one hot chocolate. And the more money we made and the more stuff that we had over the years, we did start, like, you know, not doing those things regularly, like we would have date night, but we would allow it to get pushed to the side if something else come up. And it was not

like anyone was bitter in the moment. It was like, oh, you gotta do that, Okay, Well cool, I guess I'll just work on this, like we'll find another day. But then weeks turn into months and you haven't had your consistent date night. And so since twenty fifteen, we've been really, really deliberate. We have a date night pretty much every Tuesday or Wednesday night. We learned very quickly that Friday and Saturdays, young people want to go out and do

their thing. You cannot depend on them the babysit, so you have to pull your fun into the middle of the week. So bro so like Tuesdays and Wednesdays. We're really deliberate about date night. And you know, my husband works in entertainment now and he works on a show and the show was actually taping talk. The new schedule came out and the show was taping on Tuesday nights, which would normally be our date night. And the thing that really got me, you guys, this is a in

August of this year. As soon as he got the tape schedule, he literally forwarded it to me and then he called me and said, did you look at the email? And I said no, and he's like, can you open it? So I open it and maybe he had that email in his inbox for fifteen minutes and he immediately thought, this conflicts with date night, so he renegotiated a new night, like right there on the spot, and I was like, dang.

Four or five years ago, no, wouldn't have happened. He'd have been like, hey, so, and we would have just like let it go. But so deliberate. We've been using that to test out different restaurants and areas that we wouldn't normally go to. So we take turns finding things on Yelp or hear things that we've heard about and we'll just go to a completely different area, have a nice dinner. Sometimes we go to work out together. That's

the other thing. We work out together. Three days a week at six o'clock in the morning, we go to boxing together. That's relatively new. That's been like since early summer, so we've been doing that about five or six months. But we're just constantly finding things for us to do together, and that has been again so fulfilling because when there is something that we have to do, like he is actually on a flight right now to New York to take something and so we're not having date nights tonight,

but not this weekend. But the previous weekend he took me on a little vacation to Newport Beach. Three days. We hung out, We spent a lot of time together. We went to the spa and it was just beautiful.

But he makes sure we both make sure that we deposit so that nobody feels depleted, you know, when there are those times when work has to make a withdraw, and same thing for my daughter, like I've been so much more intentional about this time that I been with her that when I do have to go speak or when I am going to work, if it's something that she can't come to, she's like, go get them, girlfriend,

Like this is truly like my little friend. Or when I come back, she's like, you sold all your books? You sold all your books? Did you come home with anything? She's also slash manager in this relationship, but they're so proud, and so by being more deliberate and intentional with them, it allows me to stand up and be great when I'm out, Like I feel my most confident and bold self when I'm on stage, when I'm on TV, when I'm doing my stuff, because I know I got people

that love me no matter what. So even if I fall right here, I'm still going home to a house full of love. So if you don't like me, that's fine. I can accept it. But I know that before I came, I was being nurtured and encouraged, and when I leave here, I'll be nurtured and encouraged, And for me, that matters so much more. I definitely love the feedback from my audience or from producers or from whoever, but nothing beats

what my family thinks about me. I love that. I think that that truly to me is redefining wealth, and and I think that, right, Mandy, that that's like such good feedback. I mean, well, because I want to figure out, like what what can we do more of? Because I do get the reason why people always ask like, you know, how how am I able? Or why have I grown

so quickly? And it's not that I've grown quickly, but I saw the huge boost when I got with my husband because because in meanwhile, he's just a regular regular you know, nine to five, just the regular guy. And I remember he would always ask like, oh, you know, you sure you don't want one of those like you know whatever, guys. I'm like, I don't know what you mean,

but you know that. But it's because there's such a solid foundation, because I am always someone's foundation, right, I am big Mama in my family, like you know, like

everybody Rwanda. Yeah, so I carry a lot and there was I've never been with someone who there is that I could actually lean on confidently except for my father there so he set a good example of this is what it looks like to lean on someone financially spiritually because you know, and so every guy that I dated, I became my father to them, which is like I was the I got you lean on me you know, and I didn't realize that that I was turning every

man into my child. I met my husband and he was like, I don't know who you think you're raising, fully grown Come on, Superman, you can actually lean on me. And I remember I was like, well, you know, I make a little bit more and so you know, I can handle these bills. He was like, they were paid before you got here, so I need you to take a seat and I will handle the bill. It was.

It still blows my mind to this day where I'm like, wow, you know, and so I can totally understand, and I'm wanting to lean more into because we don't have a regular date night. I mean, like we hang out when it's like oh, but making that strategic time, I think that that is an amazing idea. I actually I feel like you ha got forward to it. Yeah, it's something for you to look forward to. And I'll tell you what, because it's not all peaches and roses and rainbows every day.

You know, some days you'll be looking at these jokers like you know what, Listen like, I'm really really trying my patience today. But the funny thing is we get it together for date night, like like a couple of weeks ago, I was not feeling him on a Wednesday morning. I'm not even gonna lie. I don't even remember what happened. You know, it could be anything. It doesn't even have to be major, but you're like, really, like you're just

gonna keep smacking like that or whatever. It was something where I was.

Before he left that morning to go to work and I realized it was date night and I wanted to go to that restaurant, I was like, a man, pull yourself together, go apologize so you can have a good date night. Like it really keeps us in check too, because we look forward to it. So I was like, if I did something to offend you, I apologized. He's like Ooh, you didn't even want to apologize, but thank you for trying. Yeah, but we've been together fourteen years.

So these are fourteen almost fifteen years of Shenanigans, married for ten and it hasn't been easy, but it has been beautiful because it's an opportunity, like you were talking about, Tiffany, like to have someone that you can lean on that just lets you be you, you know too, and he

lets me be all of me. You know. I have my Patrise Washington, and then there's Patrice Cunningham and Patrese Cunningham is from the hood and she turns up every once in a while, and he likes both of them like whoever pops out, He's like, I got it, I'm with you, like whatever. You know. He lets me be all of me. And I dated people in the past where it would be like could you not or their mom is like your dress is a little tight, and

y'all know how I feel about my tight dresses. This is this is not new, this's been going off a decade. So I was like, so your mom's dressing me now, you know. But my husband is always let me be me and he's always protected me, even from family. Members who thought that they could have a say in our relationship too, or in our Mayorage urge or how we parent or what ever. He he covers that, So yeah, wow, I still like him.

now and doing everything that I'm doing. It feels like exactly where I'm supposed to be and exactly what I was called to do.