Time to Stop Romanticizing The Struggling Black Woman (BA QA)

to door. Commute to Grant's Central is forty minutes. But then I had to carry my booty all the way down to Brooklyn Bridge City Hall because my husband works for the government and he is one of millions of federal workers who were impacted by Lord Voldemort reincarnated in his executive orders. And for those of y'all listen, I forgive you in advance if you've already done forgot what half of the or even a fraction of what these

executive orders that have come down. But my husband. In particular, he was in the very final stage of getting an offer from a federal agency that would have not only been a great career opportunity for him, but it would have allowed him to work closer to home, to where we live. And right now, he commutes an hour and a half minimum on bad you know, bad train days, We're talking like two hours each way, and he is tie.

I heard this man has been doing this. And he comes home he does not you know, he's not trying to go to after office happy hours. He is trying to get home. He leaves early whenever he can, and he still feels like he's missing too much. And obviously, just y'all know if you commute, if your commute is anything like that, y'all know how just tiring and how it can wear you down. And we were both so

excited for him to accept this new position. He got an email when he returned to work on Tuesday, like we all did, he got an email saying, your offer has been rescinded due to the recent executive order that mandated an immediate temporary hiring freeze across all federal agencies except for, of course, you know, your law enforcement, Border Control you know, the essential people that are going to come hunt down migrants and take them back to wherever

they came from. I guess so he was. He's a very like he's a very, he's well, he's just a good person to his core. But he's also quiet, and he's a cancer. I'm a leo. So you make up your own mind about how that works. He's he feels things deeply, and he doesn't let things really get to him typically, And I could tell that this one really hurt. I mean it was it was just the worst possible timing. And he had already told all of his work colleagues, and he and another young woman that he works with

as well were applying to the same agency. They were each in the same stage, the final stage of hiring, like background check, like go pee in a cup kind of stuff. They were just waiting on their start date, and they both got let down, and his colleagues offered to take them out for a drink and just have a good old pity party. And it's really you feel kind of like powerless. I mean, there's there's just nothing

I can do to make it better for him. But I did got a sitter to watch the kids, and I went all the way down to Lower Manhattan to just be there for him and to share space with him and his colleagues. And it was really nice, actually, but I dropped everything to do that, and that includes doing my normal prep for the BAQA episode. So I'm here now and I'm never sad to show up to the mic for y'all. Y'all know that you know I

love y'all. Ba Fam. I'm going to pick a couple of questions from the mail bag and thank y'all to those who have been sending in your questions. It's never too late to submit questions to the show. You can hit us up at Brand Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com, and I suggest that if you're writing a really long one, email is better, and then if you have a short question, hit us up on Instagram at Brand Ambition Podcast. I'm at Mandy Money, but the ba in box is regularly monitored. Okay.

I just want to acknowledge that there are human beings whose lives are being impacted and so many ways by the policies that are being put in place, so many frameworks, so many regulatory agencies that are here to look out for the people who don't have billions of dollars in private jets and a dick. The rest of us who are not, you know, the top point zero zero one percent of America, we kind of need someone looking out for us. And that's literally what these regulatory bodies and

laws were created for the Constitution itself. And to see it just being taken apart brick by brick, not even like brick by brick, more like just detonated, like demolished right before our eyes, it's it's shocking. I want to offer support and just yeah, hold space for those who have been impacted, For those of y'all whose family members are keeping the curtains drawn and not opening the door to anyone that they're not one hundred percent sure who

it is. To people who are too afraid to now go to church or to school because they're afraid they're going to be scooped up in a van and forced to return to a country that they haven't called home for decades, for years, maybe even ever. That I'm with you, the Brand Ambition family is with you as well, to the LGBTQ plus community. My goodness, my brother in law

who's a transman. When you finally embrace the identity that you choose to have and the way that you feel, and the really just getting to a place where you have this new chapter, you're starting this new journey and you feel more like yourself than you have for decades. And you watch this person embrace who they are and the excitement, the joy, the relief that they feel, and to know that now they're in a place where it was already unsafe for this community, and now it's even

less safe. And I just I link arms with the LGBTQ plus community, the queer commun unity. I got, y'all. We have to have each other's backs. We have to support, protect each other, look out for one another more than ever at this moment. All right, you know what, speaking of wusaws, I'm gonna take a little break and we'll be right back to take some of y'all's questions. Be right back, ba fam, All right, ba fam? Who breathing

is so healing? I don't know if the whole meditation movement made it to y'all during the pandemic like it did just about everybody else. But you don't have to do like a proper meditation, just like putting your feet on the ground, putting your hand on your chest, just breathing in, breathing out. It's so it's so silly and so true. It just really helps ground you helps me feel grounded and feel centered and be ready to pour

into y'all. So let go enough of that. I want to take a question from a listener who submitted this I think on itg Yeah, So Jen, Jen reached out said, Hello, I love your podcast. I was just listening to one about how you were saying how expensive everything is. I didn't hear you mention over employment. I know several people who have two to four full time jobs working from home just to live. It's so sad, but it's also getting people out of debt and actually giving them money

to save. Have you discussed this on the podcast. What do you think about this? Jen? Okay? Two to four full time jobs? God, I mean, listen, this is one of those situations where you can't trust the data because not everybody is going to tell the truth about holding

down two to four full time jobs. Like and by the way, Jen, I need to meet whoever you know that's working full full four full time jobs somehow from home, like I can hardly I can hardly imagine like how I could add one more thing to my plate and I have to businesses that I'm running and being a mom and being a human like I just it seems

impossible and really unhealthy. But to your point, over employment and working multiple jobs just to get by is a systemic problem in the US, and surprise, surprise, the research shows who is it really a systemic problem for black women? We are the most likely people in America to be working more than one job in order to cover our minimum expenses. Nearly ten percent of Black women hold multiple jobs. Okay, let that sink in for a second. That's twice as

much as Hispanic women. It's more way more than men in general. It's more than women in general. And it's a problem. It's not okay now on its face, Like, of course, black women like we are incredible. We can achieve anything we put our minds to. We can make magic happen, we can do what we need to do for our families. But at what cost? And is our suffering is the fact that we have to work so much harder just to make do. Have we gotten too

comfortable with that? And so I'm glad Jen that you gave me an opportunity to talk on this, because I don't think we should be comfortable with it. I don't think that we need to be taking for granted that Black women like we have an unlimited supply of energy and time to spend our lives in these ways, just

working and working and working just to get by. Now, it's one thing if you've got to side hustle and you're doing that on the side, and you're doing it to raise extra money and you know, reach some goals that you really want to reach, like to increase your investing, and you're in saving, and that's fine, And honestly I support anyone who wants to have a side hustle on top of their regular nine to five. I think that that creates financial resilience, especially if it helps you save

and put more aside for a rainy day. But it also makes you less beholden to your one singular employe, so that if they were to let you go, which is unfortunately still happening and will continue to happen because capitalism, that you can take care of yourself, that you can support your family and get by when you have that financial resilience because you have been stacking your coins and working on the side. However, we got to break our love affair with seeing black women struggle. We have to

break the love affair with seeing black women struggle. People are way too comfortable with it, way too comfortable with it, to the point where I don't know if you guys have ever experienced this, but when you're talking to someone for the first time, and like, let's say that they're a white man, when you're talking about your upbringing, and they make assumptions about where you come from or what kind of upbringing you had, and they try to identify

with you based on that. It's like, oh, yeah, well, you know, I grew up with a single mom and we were super poor, and like, yeah, we know. And it's just almost like, so do you think that's how I grew up just because I'm a black woman. This isn't just about hustle culture. We're talking about systemic inequities that are demanding that we work harder and work harder for less pay, because even though we're working more jobs,

we're still not getting paid equitably. And in fact, that's one of the biggest reasons why we have to work so many freaking jobs. Okay, So, like why aren't we raising wages for these professions that over index in hiring women of color, like undervalued professions like caregiving, home health care, aids, retail work, restaurant work, work in the travel industry, hospitality industry. Let's stop devaluing those jobs just because you're more likely

to see women of color working them. We need to increase workplace flexibility, so we need to have policies that make sense for a paid family leave, for affordable childcare that can ease the burden of any woman out there who is juggling caregiving and can't make ends meet and can't figure out how to do it all at once. Like,

let's actually have some flexibility in our workplaces. Let's give paid, sickly, paid family leave, all these benefits that would make it so much easier and take the pressure off of us to work these multiple jobs so that we can have flexibility. We all know these are issues. We all know that we know, Like, I don't got to tell y'all that this is impacting us because we see it every day. Just like Eugen you see your friends working two to four jobs. I just want to acknowledge it. I wish

it wasn't this way. And if there's you know, obviously at this point is a slim chance, and you know where that the elected officials at the top are going to do anything about this right now. Certainly not when they're too busy dismantling DEI programs and chasing down immigrants and focusing on all the wrong things. In my opinion, they're not going to be dealing with this stuff. So but at the same time, privately owned companies, y'all can

still stand up. You can make sure that you're reviewing your compensation for any signs of gender racial bias that could be impacting pay equity. We could be educating when in about negotiating how to understand their true market values. So that's my work that I do through Manny Moneymakers, through of course Brown Ambition as well through all my coaching.

We got to help each other. We got to talk about, you know, the ways that we are making money, the ways that we are able to develop multiple income streams, but do it in a way where we are not sacrificing our sanity and our health in the process. And support one another, rely on our communities. Make sure you're voting in your local elections. That has never been more

important vote in your local elections. Pay attention to what's happening at the local and state level, because these guys and women are going to be the unsung heroes, I think to get us through the next four years. Because even though the federal policy does matter a great deal, there are certainly guard rails and safety nets, social safety nets that can be put in place at the state and local level that can help if we hold our elected officials accountable for putting those safety nets in place.

All right, So this is not says I know this, y'all are not statistics like we are living this life. Okay. We have to push for a world where we do not have to work so many damn jobs just to survive. Okay, Jen, thank you so much for your question. Thanks for giving me a chance to speak on that. And I'm going to take the next question now, but maybe take a little break, all right, be right back, ba fam, All right, bafam, I'm back with my next question. This comes from listener

budget Savvy and Stuck. Budget Savvy and Stuck says, how do I negotiate for more money in a nonprofit that does market analysis for set ranges for position levels? The only time people can negotiate is when they come into the company. I've been promoted once within the company and security twelve thousand dollars rais, but now I feel stuck again. I think I have a little more I could learn and would hate to leave too soon, but something gotta give.

I work in that. Oh okay, anonymous note, I work in the HR department, so it's incredibly tricky to negotiate with the negotiators. Now listen, I completely see what you're saying. I mean, I think this is an issue that also holds back a lot of like state and federal workers as well, because you have your set pay bands and there's like all this magic math that happens to determine like where how soon you can move up a level and a grade and all those steps and stuff like that. However,

you make a really important point. The only way you can negotiate for more money is when at the nonprofit you work for. You've noticed is when people come into the company. So you may need to not necessarily leave the company, but you may need to be at risk

of leaving the company. And by that I mean getting a competing offer from another firm, another nonprofit, another organization, whatever it may be, and bringing that to them because I know, I mean, you're an HR, you know, and it sounds like, honestly, it sounds like they put a lot of thought into their analysis for compensation. And I'm really not mad at that. And I know there's maybe a higher bar for you being one of them to

try to negotiate. But at the end of the day, like if you're really good at your job and they're afraid to lose you, and you come to them and you say you're going to lose me because they're going to offer me ten k more or they're going to give me a promotion to whatever title, they have an opportunity to step up and try to save you, and then you have a choice to make. I know that you say you don't want to leave too soon, you feel like you have more to learn. Then you got

a weigh the pros and cons. Do you have to stick around to learn those lessons while feeling like you're underpaid, or could you learn what you need to learn by going to another firm. We all have something that we're afraid of and that keeps us stuck, right, So really get real with yourself, what is it that I'm actually afraid of here, and then let's lay out let's lay out what happens. Let's actually create a hypothetical reality where the worst case scenario happens, and then what will you do?

Budget savvy and stuck? Who are the five people that you're going to call up if it's not working out? And who are going to help you by sending you new opportunities? Can you go back to your current job? Does your team love you enough to be like, Okay, if that doesn't work out, come back here. We got room for you. Do you have great references? Like do you have a great network that can support you as

your experience really relevant in the marketplace? Are there many jobs out there that you'd be a good fit for. You know, these are questions to remind yourself that I can afford to take a risk, Like even if the worst case scenario were to happen, I trust that I could, that I got me, that I can pick myself back up. You know. Now, I'm not encouraging anyone to make a leap or quit their job just because they get more pay.

I think that you've pointed out like a really good counter argument to just leaving in pursuit of higher pay or some bigger title. Is you want to think about the workplace culture, Like if you really like your colleagues, if they give you a really great remote work or they let you be flexible and phone in or work telecommute some days and come into the office other days, if you love the mission of the nonprofit you work for, if you really you know, align with the values of

the company, all that matters as well. Okay, So I also think, like, one thing I'll leave you with is who's calling you stuck? Why do you you feel stuck? Are you really stuck?

don't know that I believe that you're genuinely stuck. I think that you might feel that you're stuck, and I just wonder if it's something that you can just start telling yourself a different story about why you are where you are right now. What if you were to flip the script and say, oh, no, I'm not stuck. I really like the work I'm doing. I love the culture here,

I have respect with my colleagues. I know I have more to learn, and I'm sticking around because this is the kind of place I want to learn it from. And I know when in a great opportunity comes along, I'm not going to be so foolish as to ignore that opportunity. And of course I'll entertain any cool opportunity that comes my way. But it's going to take a lot to persuade me to leave this place, because, yeah, I'd like to get paid more, of course, because I

have financial goals and I want to reach. But I really enjoy the work here and I know that there's more than just money at the end of the day, and that is also like I'm weighing that as well as getting paid more and getting that title that I want. So no, I'm not stuck. I am strategically choosing to

stay in place. Because this is the best option I have, because this is what I want for my career right now, and it's what makes sense for me, and it's what I can the best I can do with the information I have right now. And if I get new information or new opportunities, then I'll weigh those as well. But yeah, I'm true, I'm cool. I'm happy with where I'm at. Now, that's a different story you can tell yourself. And then once you start telling yourself that story, it becomes true.

Isn't that crazy? It becomes true? And now you're not budget savvy and stuck to our budget savvy and slaying your budget savvy and sailing your budget savvy and satisfied. Ooh, that's the one budget savvy and satisfied. Hell yeah, all right, miss budget savvy and satisfied. Thank you so much for your question. To be a fan love y'all. Thank you a million times for the support. Make sure that you tell a friend to tell a friend to listen to

the show. We're airing new episodes. Brown Table is on Wednesdays. We're still doing Baqa on Fridays, sprinkling in some really cool guest interviews. Really, whenever I damn well. Please, And when I think there's someone y'all gotta hear from. Got some cool Brown Table guests coming up, and yeah, just can't thank y'all enough. Subscribe to our YouTube channel. Yes we are on YouTube. Come find us there. You're not gonna find this episode on YouTube because don't have my

camera on. Do you remember the part where I told you it's ten o'clock at night, Well, now it's ten forty pm. And I still got to like edit this show really fast because that's how last minute it is. I can't even get the editor to edit it. I won't do it myself. But hey, going back to old school, early Brown Ambition days, when I was doing the editing myself, it's only fine. I could do it pretty quick. But thank y'all so much. Subscribe on YouTube, like follow, leave

a comment. Some of y'all will leave a comment on every platform. And I just want you to know I see it. I appreciate it so much, and we're so lucky to have such an incredible audience. And yeah, we'll see you next week at the Brown Table. And in the meantime, take care, have a good weekend, lean on each other, support each other, and we want to get through this together, all right, okayba fam Bye.