Hey, hey, hey, we're back, We're black, we're brow this should.
This is and this is ambition.
Hey manja, hey beautiful, how are you stunning? And that lightning and the and the glow. I can't let me tell you something.
So I already have a brown boost, so you know we're not gonna okay.
But you have boosted your lashes like twice.
Yes, I wouldn't say that these lasses. I don't have born like just brows and lasses.
And what I love about it is that like, well one like you know, this is place that I found that like it's like for a hundred bucks for the month, you can get like your.
Lashes done twice, you know.
So I was just let me try it, and so you know it makes me feel like a little we know me. I'm trying to get my girly on after after years of being.
Mail and I'm not just saying, I mean like I've been such a tomboy.
Yeah, so like I'm.
Like, you know, at age forty four, I think it's what I'm ready.
You need it a lot, but you just you look like you with like a little shine, you know.
What I mean.
I'm about what are you up to? Where are you at you're not in your usual office.
I am not I am in A, I am d in DC.
I was in Atlanta last week because I took the team on the team or annual team retreat right, which was.
Awesome, soul walks.
My favorite day was we did a We did some community service as some place called the Gateway Center where we it's like a transitional housing place but also resources for people who are currently unhoused. And it's that that place is specifically for men, and so we got to learn more about like the work they do because Atlanta, you know, because we I don't know.
Did we chat about it on the podcast.
Mid Yeah, did you already have that plan before you went to the A or did you plan it because of like what you were saying?
No, No, we had a like before like so we worked with this mother daughter black. I have to find the name of their team. I'm gonna FINDCAU. I don't want to shot them out of their team that like planned our trip. This is their second year planning our trip for us, and community service is something that we wanted to add in UH this year.
So it's PTE.
I don't even know child oh Prime Time Events planning and concierge. It's this amazing black mother and daughter who do like events or what. They're out of Chicago, but they will fly over anywhere. So they did New Orleans for us amazing, and they just did Atlanta for myself
and the team. And so yeah, we we had this community service project and we bought lunch for about one hundred men that were you know, staying there, and it was just so great to just talk and you know, you learn so much about like, you know, some people who are in house are really like the working poor. Like there was a guy there dressed in this nice suit. He was a limo driver, but it just didn't pay enough for him to be able to, you know, to
have a safe place to live. So while he was here, you know, they're looking to for him to find him more permanent housing. But he was there in the meantime. So it was just an amazing experience. And we had so much pizza leftover that we were able to like kind of leave the center and also like serve some people who were just kind of like in front. So yeah, it was just like the it you know, I did. We did our normal We always do a SPA day we always do.
Like we did, we made.
This called thing called is it called Skintology Skintimacy black owned women brand where we made our own lotions and things we always try to support, like black owned our chef chef Todd Black Chef. It was a blackly black black like a week so which is awesome. But I'm also glad that we were also able to like serve and give back. And so yeah, I was there and then amazing and now I'm in DC, like because you know it's book tour time. Honey, wait till you know a Maid Whole comes out soon?
And so yeah, which is the companion to kick with money?
Yeah?
Where can the girls find out more about this companion book?
Well, they can go to Maid Whole workbook dot com.
I do you know, me order there, but I would wait a little bit because we're getting the pre order. There are bonuses that we're gonna be able to give people who pre order, so and then like Bible mm hmm, they'll be able to go heavy.
But I mean they'll see all the posted all that stuff.
But when I take you, I'm tired girl, you gonna see my my my, my break is gonna be I mean Yeah, I'm just really tired. But I'm just glad to like, you know, be sett in some place. Yeah, what about you?
What have you been up to?
Uh? You know, fun stuff? Aging myself. Yeah, it's been a real shit couple of weeks. I'm not gonna lie I was. Yeah, where do I even begin? Well, I don't want to get like two into the personal stuff. But my dad has been sick, and like, do I
go to Atlanta right now? On a plane sick? And I ended up choosing to not go to Atlanta because I have my two kids and the babies that are quit on me, and it's just like when it rains, it pours ever since that biblical flood that week of the flood, you know, and also I guess it flooded again while I was gone. But anyway, a lot's been
going on. My dad has been sick, and in my family, my parents are no longer together and my dad did not remarry, and you know, he's in his sixties and my brother and I are it as far as like his close his inner circle, and you know, I'm the eldest and my little brother is like five years younger, and we're figuring out our dynamic as siblings, like caring for our dad who's sick, especially given that I am here in New York and he is there in Atlanta,
but obviously has a gajillion thing is going on. If you guys heard my interview with Alex, you know, he's got a lot going on. And that has been difficult, you know, to figure out that dynamic. And we've never been put in that situation before. And like, you know, my usual support system, my mom, my sister, they can't really support me because there's a lot of you know, not great stuff there. So it's really like, oh, you're on your own, kid, you always you always have been.
So I decided not to go, which I was fine with that decision. And then my grandpa passed the day that my dad got was sent home from the hospital. My grandpa, who was eighty six, Thank you, my dad's dad. He died. He was sick for a long time. We could do a whole episode on how these chronic illnesses are like killing black people. Yeah, I mean, it's we
talk about the healthcare system. But yeah, I have a lot to say after this past few days in Atlanta and just learning more about my family history and all of that, but shout out to Grandpa Shirley Roy Woodruff the og I because of my dad's family dynamic, I actually didn't know him very will And then I have cousins like my cousin Anna, who you guys have heard about. She's like, that was her grandpa, you know, the whole thing. So I, in order to sort of process what was
going on, of course, I flew home. I took Remy with me, my little doll baby, my little emotional support baby. He was everyone's emotional support. What I tell you, I felt like I brought one of those golden retrievers that they bring to, you know, people after they've gone through some kind of trauma. I was like, here's the baby who needs a hold, who needs a smile. Remy's so social, He's so like just so you know, happy, and you
know he'll smile at anyone. So I know he definitely did wonders for my dad's health while he was there. But yeah, I took Remy, so it was just me and Remy and we went down. But even in the days leading up to the funeral, I did it so to put my like just there was so much anxious energy. I was really like, should I up my med should I talk to my therapist? I ended up sending her a twenty minute voice note just to like get it off my chest what I was saying, what I was feeling,
because it was so much. I mean, I think a lot of folks around me who seem You're like, wow, you have so much going on. I don't know how you do it, And usually I do it fine. And I wasn't fine yeah for a minute there. But for me, I put I decided I'm going to give myself a task with this funeral because I couldn't figure out my
feelings about everything. So I took on the responsibility of organizing, like being my dad's brother who was organizing everything, being his deputy, so ordering the food because you know, I know how to put on a nice buffet. He went to my wedding, got it catered, put on the food. Track down. When I tell you, Shirley Roy Woodruff was a he was a rolling stone. He actually had a career in radio that I never knew. Oh really, Yes, he had a gospel radio station in Gainesville, Georgia for
years and years and years. I mean up until like maybe fifteen years ago. So in the two thousands, even he was doing this radio and I never knew.
And like, look at me, I know, I love that.
And he was a musician and a traveling minister, which is one of the reasons why his relationship with his children was so varied, because a lot of them didn't see a lot of him. He won that's that song. Papa was a rolling stone. Yeah, Grandpa Roy was a rolling stone, genuinely. And when I was I spent a
lot of time talking. I called up so many of my elders, people I hadn't met my whole life, but who knew about me through my dad, like woodruffs down the line, just trying to get a picture of this man, and finally was able to track down some really cool pictures of him and got those printed up and made for the memorial table, just like you know, put my
put my energy into something. And because I'm sure as hell can't control my dad, let me tell you what, even being there in person, Oh, I see where I get my stubborn friend. And to any you know, adult out there who's having to well not even having to caretake. He didn't ask me to caretake, but like try, I just try, and like Hey, maybe don't you know, eat bacon right now in this moment after you've been told to lower your sodium intake. He's like, oh, you know,
I don't won you biking that much. It's just in the fridge. Don't let this man. He will not waste food. So I'm like, you need to have a you know how they have garage sales, he needs to have a deep freezer sale. Like, get rid of this stuff. None of it's good for him. He needs to get rid of it. But yeah, it was a lot, but at
least so in a like a roundabout way. The funeral was sounds so fun, not to say it was good for my mental state because it gave me like a i don't know, like something a stake of, like something to tie me to the ground, to stop me from spiraling, you know, because I really was like a whirling not even a whirling dervish, but like just like Tasmanian devil
over here. I came home and I saw my not even I put this like big I write out my to dooos when I have so many, and I put like this big piece of paper on the fridge and it was like, get your shit together list and I came back and I was like, wow, the mental state of that girl. So anyway, it's been a long it's been a yeah, it's been a shitty couple of weeks, but the only way out is through. I'm just like, at this point, it's like one hour at a time, one yeah, day at a time.
And I know that, like, you know, especially you know, as our parents' age, the conversations about like what a state planning and stuff looked like looks like and that's not easy because you know, I know, like it literally took for Gerald to pass away, that my dad to finally agree to like update his will that had me at age.
Ten in it. I was like, Daddy, you are in your eighties. He's like, oh yeah, one day, one day.
I'm like, at this point, like, you know, seventy five plus they said the average age of you know, of you lived to seventy five, and so that means any year after that it's literally a blessing. And so if you get to your eighties, it's like a super blessing. And I was like, there is no one day, it's now. And so I was finally able to get his will, his living will, his health care like all of that stuff signed, notarized and done.
You know. Were you like, did you have to have those hard conversations with your dad while you were there?
Yes? I did, well, actually I started the conversation. So one of the things since I was here in New York when my dad was sick in the hospital, that I was like, well, I can do this is I got in touch with Helen, who's my financial planner, and she can do She can do estate planning for people like my dad whose finances are not super complicated. Isn't own any business, you know, all that, everything's pretty straightforward.
He owns a home, et cetera. So I got in touch with Helen, I scheduled a call with her and we and she really understood where I was coming from. She also is she's from Georgia. She lives in Georgia. Okay, so and her family lives close to where my dad lives. So she was like, I can see him in person.
But that's awesome.
Yeah, so I'm taking care of that. But that looks like for us because my dad's never had anything like that before. It looks like she sent me. I think there's three documents in her email to me my brother and my dad. She was like, this is a questionnaire to get the conversation started. But I'm not just going to show up to your house and start out. It'll take hours. You probably you need to work through these questions. Yes, So she sent us that those questionnaires, and I haven't
opened the attachments yet. I don't think any of us has. My dad does not enjoy talking about it. He's a strong willed independent. He's a damn Rowland stew himself, you know what I mean. Like, I see so much of my grandpa's traits in him in every area except as a father, because he did not roll away at any time from us. He's always committed. But yeah this, we're getting that state planning done hopefully soon. And then sig notarized.
Yeah jazz, Okay, yeah, big girl, shit, I know this is the part, Like you know, when you're a kid and you want to be a grown up, it's just because you want to get candy at the park at the store.
Right, that's what grow to be like, Oh, I can't wait, I can buy whatever I want from Target this right, And then you realize you're like, wait, is this what adult thing is like?
And you buy the things from Target so that you can dull the pain of what adult that is like and you binge eat you know, a pint of ice cream in the car and the grocery store parking lot, not that I have any idea what that feels like. And if you were at stopping shop last week on Thursday night and you saw a car parked over there and a girl just like crying into her you know what, I don't know her. I don't want to tell you.
I see that used to be me and pizza, Like I would just get there was like my favorite pizza place I would go and I would just like gorge in the car and just cry and eat pizza, you know, and then hide the box and stuff later like everything's fine.
When I tell you, I've never been happier that our nest cam on the driveway like went could put because I just was able to get out of the car and just like sneak that into the Yeah.
Same, I'm like, nobody needs to go that I had a full pizza for myself.
I asked or something. But you know, we cope in our own wads. Okay, yeah, yeah, just yeah, adulting big time but also feeling it was only a matter of time, right, I mean, and it's here now and me and it doesn't. I'm learning a lot about our family dynamic. Myself. My vibe is very different than my brothers, and there's you know, I tend to try to keep things light and funny and like he does, sometimes not in the mood for
the shuckinin cha anyway. Anyway, One other thing I will say about this time that I've left sort of more clear about is, you know, my family is far flung. You know, I have relatives in Atlanta, I have my mom in Missouri, my sister's in Wisconsin, and got really good friends in California. And I really got clear with and I was talking to my mom and my sister brothers. I'm like the intent, Like we have to be more intentional about scheduling visits. Yeah, like not just on a
whim or not just Christmas, Like that's not enough. And usually it's like the finances that stopped a lot of people from traveling. And I'm like, listen, a few hundred dollars for a flight, that's what it costs, you know, to get from most places to where we are. If we just commit to you know, no brunch November, you know, and save that money. We can make this a thing like we can travel more to one another. And I think I'm gonna I'm definitely going to be doing more
of that. Yeah, and Remy's down because he is a vessel travel buddy. I think there's going to be a baby boom at the Atlanta air If you were at the Atlanta Airport on October eighth, I would just like to stay in advance. Name your child after Remy because this baby. Every woman we passed was like baby.
He is such a I know, I know, I feel like, yeah, it's just crazy how I mean, you know, we grow up, but then you start to realize, wow, your financial life also grows up with you, you know, and you know the thing like I what I don't want is like, you know, I don't want to leave. I want to minimize the complications when I'm not here. You know, you know, I might be one hundred and two when I'm pass away,
but I want that when I'm not here. Of course, you're never gonna get every single thing, but I don't want to leave stuff that I could have gotten done done just because you know, I know firsthand what it's like to have some things undone and then having to navigate that, you know, the family having to navigate that, and sometimes at leads for like you know, hurt feelings and anger and bitterness, and you know, no, this is
not what you're like. You know, but it's like like I said, I mean, I know I have not probably crossed every tea as much as I know to cross.
You know, you're also so young that like in another ten years you mentioned updating your dad's will. It's not like a one and done thing.
Nope, yep.
So you have to make the commitment to keep coming back to it.
Yes, because thinking like for example, I got I have my trust, but then you know, I recently bought the condo, so I'm like, oh, that's right, I gotta when I get back home. One of my homeworks is I got to go to the title company to tell them I don't want the title to be Undertivity's name.
It should be under the trust name. You know, because something would have happened.
Me today, then the way my family would inherit the property would lead them open for the for like a tax gramifications that was unintentional.
You know. It's things like that that's like I'm.
Always thinking, like, you know, if something new comes up, Look what if I start another business? What if I you know, like you know, I don't know if there's just as your life changes, you know, like keeping up with those things. It's not really easy, but that is definitely one of my homeworks. It's like, Tiffany, like, what else do I need to put into this trust?
Or there's no point to it.
Tony told me that the number one mistake people make when she like Tony is my attorney, that people make when estate planning is not signing and fully transferring funds.
You know.
So she's like, because a trust takes months, if not years, Like it took over almost a year for like all the pieces of my trust to come together.
Really, yes, because there's so many nuances.
You know, you're like, oh my god, I never thought about that, and then it's a lot to think about. So finally it was done. It was like done, da da da dah. And then it's like, oh, but the
trust is empty. You have to sign your home over to it, your bank accounts, your retirement accounts, and I was like, oh, so, like I literally have a meeting with Angelie, my financial advisor, I want to say, like later on this month, where she's going to be like, Okay, here are the accounts I'm transferring over to your trust. And for those of you who are listening, the difference
between like a will and a trust. A will kind of says this is what happens to my stuff about from the moment you pass away to about six months later. You know, like it's instant, like a will is like, and there's no real financial protections in the will. It's just more so my wishes. This is where I want to have my stuff immediately. A trust allows you to reach further into the future and say for my assets.
So for I'll give you an example.
One of my trusts is that, like my nieces and my nephew, I'm leaving assets for them. But right now, the oldest roman is eight, so I don't want him to inherit whatever that's going to look like for him. So instead I want it like I have it that like he gets first payment right after high school and that's to go to college if he wants to go to college or not. If he doesn't want to go to college, it gets pushed out to like twenty one.
I think I have like a twenty one year old payment, like a twenty five year ol paomanent, a thirty year old payment for all the kids. You know, because I've seen like you know, like for example, Alyssa, which makes me a little nervous. You know, she's got her the policy that her dad left her, but because she's under age, the state holds onto it and says, when you turn eighteen,
we're going to turn it over to you. And I'm like, like, I know she's already like eh, I'm like so if you could have seen me, I'm like popping my back, like you know. So thankfully, you know, Alyssa has myself and her mom to guide her. So we're meeting with Angelie to map by a plan because she just turned seventeen October first, to map by a plan to say
this is what you know ought to happen. I mean, ultimately she can make whatever decisions she wants, but you know, with us here to be like, you know, here's you know, we're gonna set aside this amount of money so you can't get that car, and then this is going to go to this and this is gonna go to that. And so watching that process of what happens when a kid is left money, maybe say eighteen is too young. So for me, I was like, let me, if you're going to school, a third of what I've left you,
including Alyssa, can go to school. If not twenty one, you get first payment twenty five and then hopefully by thirty you have some real sense. So you see what I mean, And so I trust you like reach deeper into the future. And also too, because I won't own the assets anymore. The trust will own the assets, and then I have the beneficiaries of the trust, so it's almost like we are currently joining jointly owning the assets while I'm still alive. Although they're quote unquote mind they
really belong to the trust. When something happens to me when I'm ninety one hundred whatever, They're not going to inherit my homes or my assets because they already own the now. So there is you get to lower the tax burden that inheritance yields.
Okay, you know that's the loan that the bout.
Yes, you know, So that's why they tell you that if you have assets of a half a million dollars or more, you might want to look into a trust which in New Jersey, that's.
A house, you know, like when New York, New Jersey.
You know, because if something many families will inherit. Let's just say, like you know, your paup Paul bought a house for you know, fifty thousand dollars fifty years ago, and like that house is now worth six hundred thousand, just because that's just the way, you know, and in you inherit that because you know, something happens, he passes away, then you potentially can be on the hook for what taxes inheriting six hundred thousand dollars or seven hundred thousand
dollars would look like. So what often happens is the family has to sell the property just to get the tax money, and it defeats the purpose of growing this generational wealth. And it's like ugh, you know, and so but with the trust, my hope is that i have set aside money for taxes. But I've also set aside like you don't have to you're not inheriting the homes or whatever my assets are because you already kind of they're already in the trust and you're already a part
of the trust now, you know. Plus the trust will allow you not to have to go to probate cord, which is like basically ringside seats to all your business, you know, where everybody can kind of know like all that I owned and everything else. And then you have you know, predators coming out, you know, trust everything kind of say blocked in secrets.
So these are things as we get older, you know that.
They're not easy, but you want to start to have the conversation now with like yourself, your your partner, your parents of what does that look like because death is the most common, uncommon thing, you know, Like we know people die literally every minute of the day, but it doesn't feel like they guarantee yes, but it never's like not my people, not our people, but one day it will be. And so what can we do to minimize the financial I guess hard to during that time, you know, and.
My dad's family, the mortality is. So it's like with us at the dinner table, you know, because there's just so much chronic illness and you know and almost those you know, just generational trauma and the weight of that as well, like just it probably wasn't good for the
mental health. But I steep myself in a lot. I was like I just talked to everybody and I was like, how we understand, you know, you kind of go through life and like, oh, yeah, I don't talk to him, I don't talk to her, but I wonder what what happened, And just writing to the funeral with my dad and his half brother and they, I tell you, those grown assmen bickering like eight year olds. No, you should know you should have would you say, oh, so what I said? I, you know, trying to get.
What's happening.
I was, and the drama with like you know, and even though my my, my, my grandpa did have a lot, he had everything sort of like settled and figured out, and he you know, was well organized. Honestly, in the end there was there was still that sibling dynamic, and I'm like, oh, we need to make sure why sibling relationships are. I think the best thing you can do as a parent almost is not just leave your estate, but leave your kids in shape, like leave them with
strong relationship with each other. And that's easier said than done. But it made me completely just like, oh, we're going to figure this out because we got to be we got to be on the same page, We got to be you know in lockstep my brother and I because it's it's nasty. I don't want to, you know, end up in a space where my kids are fighting, you know, when we should be just all that. It's just messy. It's messy. I know, it's so common, like not especially
the funeral people. When I was calling, like, you know, I don't know how to explain this, but like so and so's name is the obituary. It's like, not okay, but like, you know, the person who said admitted it to you didn't let her view it. And they're like, say, less, we know how to deal.
We got it. Honestly.
When I went to the funeral home for for Jirell, the lady could not believe one She's like, you're so calm, and I was like, girl, tama right, but also too, she was like, cause I went. I came with you know, Jirell's twin and Fatima, and she was like, I don't know that I've ever seen such a peaceful you know, weah, you know, at least at that time, but we were, you know, but at that time, like and I didn't
realize just how tumoual tumochual tumochual tumultuous, tumultuous. I did not realize how crazy that time normally is because state she couldn't believe.
She was like, is this real?
You know, we had our stuff later, but at that time, you know, you know, I just think they were just all, like, you know, in shock.
But yes, it's a it's a really really really.
Hard time, and people navigate grief differently, and sometimes they need a punching bag, and sometimes you know they're going to check out, and sometimes you know they're just in consultant.
Like grief is like such a crazy thing and what it brings out of people. So yeah, so I'm just, you know, sorry for your loss, but I'm glad that you were able to bring the baby for some joy that people got to absorb.
You know, he really carried a lot. And I'm going to go to Georgia next June because I found out there's a family reunion in Carrollton, Georgia, where my people are. Y. I love that my dad's people are from Carrollton and I have never been. I think I went once when I was a little girl. All I recall is seeing an outhouse and being like a board, get me out of there. I don't want to live in this time.
But yeah, so I'm like, we're bringing the family and distant distant relatives are organizing it and I can't wait. I'm excited.
I love that. Yeah.
Yeah, all right, not to be Debbie down ears back.
You know this is important conversation studies we had. You want to take a break?
Yes? Please? All right guys, right after break?
Yes, and now we are back and now it's time to boost up, bring up, boost up, break up, boost up.
Break up, boost. Oh you're gonna boost? Are you gonnaupbreak? What you're gonna do? What you long take?
So it's booster breaking if you haven't been here, if you're new, we do something called brown boots brown break, where if we're gonna boost, we say something really great that we want more of, give.
Me, gimme, gimme and break and we're like, uh, we're good on that. Yeah, let's just so, do you want to go first? Second? How you how you feel it?
I'm good with going first. I feel like, okay, ask me means I have to No, No.
I'm good either way because I'm breaking. You know, I hardly have a break. Oh, but I'm breaking on today.
Oh, Okay, I'll let you finish on because it sounds like you got something. Yeah, I see the glints in your eye and like it was gonna be a good one. I want to do a boost because I have I think I'm the last person on earth to read this book called Attached. I don't want to have you heard of Attached? No, okay, so I'm the second to last
person on earth. But shout out to Morgan Debon, who's a frequent Brand Ambition guest and the CEO of Blabberty Blaberty Blavity, because I was listening to her podcast and she mentioned it in one of her shows. She started to comment on someone's house. Someone was talking about a relationship, and she was like, oh, your anxious attachment, you know,
And then she recommended this book. And it came at such a perfect time, the mention of the book, because I started to I started to read up on the concept of it, which is about four different styles of attachment. And you're a preschool teacher, so you probably remember like this is often how you like talk about children and their attachment to their their parents. And because of your upbringing, like you have a certain kind of attachment and this
neuroscientist and psychologist. He combined. He took this the same the same principles and applied it to all relationships. So your attachment style in romantic relationships, as a boss, as a friend, and kind it's just like and it's why it's kind of cracked open my my how I how I like what I understand about myself and beyond all the therapy I've taken, it's just like really like an aha moment, is how I am an anxious attachment person.
Okay, what are the four what are the four attachment styles?
The four attachment styles? I didn't I don't want to go deep into it because obviously I'm not this person, and I think y'all should read the book for yourselves. But there's four there's and they're not I want to say, it's been in advance. There's no bad attachment style. This is like the Actually, if you want a quick little primer on it, listen to the NPR podcast Life Kit, because the author was interviewed. It's like a twenty minute
show and he kind of lays it out. Anyway, anxious attachment, Okay, avoidant attachment, anxious avoidant, and the fourth one is secure. It may sound like the secure ones and one you want to be, but they're they're not like it's not like a wrong way, it's it's just the way you
are because of your childhood and on other things. And the great thing about the book is that when you understand your attachment style, you can help your partner, your friends, your family understand your attachment style and they can understand how to support you and treat you as an individual because of your unique attachment style. So I'll give you an example as an ancient and ancient as an anxious attachment person, Tiff, I thought about you with this too,
because you may not know this. Sometimes I after you and I talk, I feel like I've done a couple of times.
I'll like the day.
The day will go by and I'll be like, wait a second, was she offended that I said that she she gonna be mad at me? And I'll call real quick and just be like, I just want to be sure that you weren't upset when I said da da da da, And you're like, what, No, But I have an anxious attachment style where I need a lot of like reassurance from the people that I am in relationships with.
I'm over here, order on. I got seven credits ordered seven.
I'm surprised because you read a lot of audio books. My husband downloaded this morning too, because I was like, we really need this because I am married to an avoidant and that can be it's quite common for those two types of attachments to be attracted to each other. As what I gather anyway, I'll get into that, but anyway, so my attachment style is that I really need, like, uh, the reassurance yes, like hey I got to work, okay, Hey, I was just thinking about you. Hey, I love you.
You know. There's like these memes about being a wife who's like, hey, I just like, I don't know, I just left a big mess in the kitchen. Do you still love me?
Yeah?
And you kind of roll yourize like yeah, but if I was.
If I was a worm, would you love me?
Those are the most exactly if I gave five hundred pounds, if I ended up a quadriplegic, you know, would you still love me? Or Also this you came home late is something the matter isn't mean? You know? Is this a sign? Or we got into an argument? Oh are we gonna get divorced? Is this is over? Are we wrong for each other? Questioning? Questioning, questioning, poking, poking, poking, anxious attachment style. I could be.
Okay, I can't wait to readcause I'm like, there's I feel like I sometimes can feel like that, but sometimes quite the opposite. Because I'm Jiroll was like that, I can understand. I'm like, oh my god, he'd be like, when you land, let me know when you when you're in the plane, when you're when you're you know, And every time I remember, he'd like, you have a business trip in a hotel, like with somebody. I'm like, no, But now I'm thinking like, oh, was he an anxious attached you know?
I don't know, but I'm I will say that. My favorite feature on the iPhone is you can share your location with people. And I'm like, I think I know why because I like, I will I know that people
are where they say they are. I track just a few people and most of them know I do no but honestly, but just to make sure, oh they're they got to work okay, Okay, I feel better now they don't need to like, I don't need to text them like, oh they're there, They're where they said they were going to be, Oh, no, they whatever, and I and I really want to and I want to urge y'all to just don't judge what you know, because I think that there's don't judge the attachment style, and you have to.
My approach is going to be understand it and start speaking to that start changing your response to that person so that you can honor their attachment style. And it's already it's already changing the dynamic of my marriage, and I imagine my friendships and my family too. But I'm very early into it. But yeah, Attached is the book.
I love that, Thank you.
I love the good books.
Somebody actually just gave me a book today since we talked books like.
She didn't give it to but I a friend of mine was telling me because she's like looking at getting like a different job.
Let me see in my library.
I just put it into wish lists and it is called necessary Endings. You know, as I'm making this transition, remember we talked about that, and so it says necessary endings the employees, businesses and relationships that all of us have to give up in order to move forward.
I was like, ooh, I love that girl.
Literally like it's everything I've been talking about it.
I was like, oh my god, so that's another book by doctor hen Cloud. So that's in my whistless tune I've been so yeah, I'm like, my my two hour walks will be filled with like listening to these two.
I was looking for like two new books.
So this is great, perfect, all right, I'm eager to hear your breaking.
My break is United Airlines. If you was a girl, I'll kick your ass.
That's like thinking about that is the Jersey Airport that is I mean.
So let me tell you.
I am a premiere one K customer, which is like I think the only thing above that is like Global something.
But it's like, you know, meaning like you fly a lot. Sis. I'm very loyal to.
United Airlines because quite honestly, their their hub, one of their major hubs is Newark, and I live in Newark and and so like it's just you know, convenient.
Plus, you know, if you're gonna when it comes.
To the airlines, if you fly a lot, it behooves you to kind of pick a specific one because they're just benefits, like you know, being able to a board early, you know, not having to pay for baggage. So they're supposed to benefits. I can't tell, but they're supposed to benefits.
And like I said, Premi.
York one K is like really one of their top top because I've you know, I've flown hundreds of thousands of miles in United so and I've never really had an issue, you know. I mean I've flown other airlines too, because sometimes it's just way cheaper, or maybe like a brand wants to fly me somewhere and they're flying me on whatever. So I know that I'm very well aware that delays and cancelations. They happen, you know, I mean,
it happens. But the last three flights home there have been delayed, delayed, delayed, cancelation, and I've never seen anything like it. So I'll give you the first time. So I went to Nashville in June July or July or something like that or June for this author conference. Flow to Nashville, no problem, you know, it was great. I get a text like the day before, oh, your flight
has been your flight for tomorrow has been canceled. And I said, I wasn't even mad because I was, like, I wasn't in a rush to get home, and I was like okay, They're like, we'll fly you out the next day.
I said, you know, no problem, you know.
And then the next day it was like your fly that also flight has been canceled.
We'll fly you out like two days from now. I said, you won't because do I live in Nashville? Is it crack and smoking? I called them, was like, no, are.
You crazy to let you get a different airline?
Girl, a hotel and all that. They didn't. They gave me such a like.
So I called and I'm like, you know, no, you have to get me on another flight and they were like, oh, this is the best we could do two days out. So where will I stay? What will I eat?
And I'm still fighting for my money back.
So I ended up having to I call my friend Cabra, who travels way more than me, and he flies with Delta. He's a Diamond member, which is like the top top top top, you know, and so like he always so when he calls, they picked up like hello, mister Cabrel. So he got me a ticket. I had to It was like seven hundred dollars I had to pay, you know, because then I did actually have to get home so I had to pay at a pocket seven hundred dollars.
I flew home and I've been fighting and I did for my money back ever since.
So that was strike. Strike took too, was y'all know.
I took baby girl Alissa sixteen for her sixteenth birthday. She just turned seventeen, but this is and I took her in August to London, Paris and near Mafi Coast for her sixteenth birthday, you know, because I told her no more gifts every year. You just we pick a place you want to go and we go in that summer the following summer.
So she picked that and.
We went, had a great time, you know, and you know she's got a little antique. You know, she missed her mama. Of course, you know, she's still a kid. So imagine my dismay when you wake up that morning, you know, getting ready to pack, and it's like, oh, your flight has been canceled.
I said, wait a minute.
Minute, not just canceled, but we rebooked you three days from now.
I'm like, I'm in Italy. What and we've also booked you and Alyssa on two separate flights.
I said, you know what, No, I called up, and I was like, literally, I got the text and I called within like because sometimes you know, like there might be only two seats left somewhere.
And I called and at first they were like, oh, there's nothing we can help you with.
And but Cabrol taught me to say, can I speak to a lead or supervisor? Because a lady on the phone, you know, she did her best, I guess, and so I got a leader of supervisor on the phone. I said, I am currently in Italy. I do not live in Italy, and for us one to be leaving three days from now, I can't even guarantee the hotel it's gonna have space for us, because that's not how that works, yeah, you know. And two, I mean, I'm in a really.
Expensive hotel which I paid for points, you know, so I'm like, so for me to stay, ain't no more points left.
I don't remember if there wasn't that, but it was not inexpensive. It was like, you know, the hotel that we chose. I chose a fancy one because we used points. It was like seven eight hundred dollars a night something crazy, you know.
But I was like, I don't care. I'm using my MX points.
And so, but I had exhausted them for the trip, and so I was really really pissed and so and I was like, and you have me on a separate flight than my stepdaughter, who is a minor. This is her only her second international flight because the first one brought us here, you know, and so you know, so I listen looking like I'm flying by myself.
I'm like, no, we're not. That's crazy.
So thankfully the supervisor was able to get it. We got on a flight the next day, and we were able to come home. But I'm still fighting again for the for the money back from you know, like cause I had to spend then extra night in a hotel. He had a pocket, you know, and so that was not my fault, that's your fault.
And now this is my third trip in like three months.
I go to Atlanta because I'm speaking at the A three C conference, which is this like tech entertainment and financial conference, which is great, and then I stayed because I had the team trip. Now I had to come back home to speak at Culture Con, which is this huge like huge, I mean, everybody was it if you were black and like well known.
I didn't realize how big it.
Was I've every time the culture con happened, something happens and I'm not here.
I mean every time, and that was not I'm not gonna lie. I was nervous. I said, oh god, so I booked.
My flight was booked, but I said, oh god, I just got a weird feeling. I was like, you know, United the last three times I couldn't get home. So I get there first. I get the first text, which says your flight has been delayed. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no. I get there early. I get to the airport, like three hours early, I said. I told the gate agent, I said, can you put me like
on an earlier flight because this flight. She's like, it's not gonna be canceled and it's been delayed, but i'll put you on standby in the earlier flight. I said, okay, stand by didn't work, I said, but she said, you sed toll have a seat on this flight.
I said, well, what if it gets canceled. She said, it's not be positive and I was like, that's what she said, I think positively. I said, all right, girls, I'm waiting. I'm waiting. I'm waiting.
It seems great. Ten minutes to board, We're like, okay, oh, I'm so sorry, guys. Flight has been canceled. The flight, the airplane never left Newark. Now here's the thing. Right now, it's nine pms. And when a plan has not left you knew that, So why would we not tell told ahead of time? So now you have hundreds of people scrambling to plug in holes other places. So instantly I called, of course United, there's nothing we can do. They're calling Delta to see if they can get me on a
Delta flight. But also I called Cabrel again to you to his diamond status to get me on the flight. Everything is they've already plugged people into like the few seats that were left over in another airline, And I was like, I need to I'm doing it. I'm doing a I'm speaking on the main stage at Culture Con. These people have paid me not only for Culture Con but Patreon. I had a breakout session with them. I was doing that too, and I was just like, I have to get home and I have to be on
stage by nine thirty am. And so we tried everything. I mean, Cabrell did give me a flight to Philly. He'said, I'll pick you up in Philly. This is what best he's to be doing. He said, I'll get you a flight to Philly. Booked it seven hundred and something dollars and I was like okay, but I because I never checked bags, but of course I checked the bag. So I had to leave, you know, like the gate and then check back in, which was a nightmare because I have clear I have TSA pre check. But by then
it was like ten o'clock at night. Nothing was open, so the normal general like you know, boarding was a nightmare.
Then TSA the machine broke and I literally was like police pleicly. I literally was like police place, plic plicy. If I could just get at the Atlanta Airport, yes, which is an huge Yes, Yeah, it's a nightmare that in Orlando are the two worst airports I've ever been on as far as like chaos.
And I was a police but I still had time. I was like a police pit, police plice. I remember there was a pilot he saw me like welling up. He was like, get her bag out of them, so they gave me my bag. I run to try to make my gate and I see them closing the door you should have seen me many.
I was like what. I literally am like yelling.
Oh my god, and we're closing.
The door and they're like, how's the police with police and he was like, no, we've already given your seato win because you know, like because you know, like that's what standby is when I tell you the boohoo who boo who.
I felt like, like, you know, like when you see like these these like stories about like I don't know about war and your husband is going off to work. I was at the guest.
I feel I've been there later at night.
Girl, the way I slid to the ground, but at the time, you know, the way they came up to me.
They were like what's happening? Because I was like, it was already so much. And I was like, and then you're not. It told me they can't get me on a flight that would land me out of seven thirty. I was like, okay, I can maybe make that work. Of course, then they they but they they couldn't seven thirty in Philly, Yeah, no, seven thirty like in New York the next morning, Okay, but then they couldn't.
And I just was like I just didn't know what to do. I was like, I don't know what to do.
What is going on with them?
Cabra was like, well, if you could drive to South Carolina, there's a flight.
I said, I'm not driving because then that's twenty four hours no sleep. It doesn't make sense.
I mean we looked at Washington flights, we looked at you know, flights to like I mean, I.
Looked at every airline.
This is because by then it was like ten thirty at night, so it's like you're you know, it's just limited and what you can do.
And I just was like, what is going on with United? So finally I called United to be like just book me on whatever. I'm just not going to make my thing. And they're like, well, as soon as we can get you home. It's like nine pm tomorrow. I'm like, is it crack and smoking?
So then I had to I just booked with Delta and got home at twelve thirty in the afternoon, and so I had called you know, United, well, so yeah, I booked with Delta and they were like that this is the earlies, we can get you back. So I emailed the culture Con team. I was like, here's what's happening. I'm in the airport for six hours. I did you know they canceled my flight, they delayed it.
You know, I laid it all out.
I was like, I don't I will land in JFK, not even Newark, my original, but I'll land in JFK at twelve thirty.
You know, I don't know what else to do? Is there? Like I don't.
I'm you know, I'm open to suggestion because I don't want to miss speaking, you know.
And they were like, okay, we could push you to four o'clock. I was like, okay, okay, we're waging it. Huh oh no, okay. So I land at something I told you.
I very anxious lately, right because this isious. I don't have any of my tools for my exact right now, but.
I leave something, said my check bags. They were just like, Tiffy, don't worry about it. They're gonna be retagged. You're flying on delta, right. I said yes, And they were just like I said, but are you sure?
Because I just.
They're like no, no, no.
And the guy was like, if you do feel really anxious about it, you're like, right before you board, there's like a delta bag. Like I was first one on line, and it was a nice older lady there, and she was like, I don't see it in the system, but.
It should be retagged. You should be fine.
I was like, I just need the bags because as a device. Now I am wearing, you know, like my airplane clothes. I literally had some birkenstocks on with socks and like you know, like sweatpants and like a T shirt.
I was like, so I don't really need my bag things and she was like, no, no, don't worry. Don't you worries. Don't you worry?
And I said, okay, so I land and of course my bags are lost, all my things. I was like, but thankfully, the one shining shining little like I guess that this was going to be a boost. You know, this is a break for United Damn Airlines, is that I had the air tag on my bag. So apparently, although I didn't make it to Philly, they did send my bag to Philly when they weren't supposed to. So you know, theyre supposed to pull your bag when you're out on the plane, you know. So I was showing
the leady. I'm like, my back is in Philly. She's like, no, and the system is saying Atlanta. I was like, well, I don't know air tag, but I'm pretty sure they're not lying to me.
Go I have to start doing that when I travel. I don't know why all.
So I was like, you know, She's like, okay, well you could try to call Philadelphia. Like but and then and so the second this is what I will say, AirTag all your bags. And then the thing that really saved me was so low tech.
So you know, like the luggage tag that you write your name, you know, like hardly anybody does it. I when I.
Bought my luggage from Away, they like gifted me two leather luggage shags, you know, because when you spend a pallion dollars on stupid luggage, they give me these luggage tags. And I'd never used a luggage stag before, but I got I was like, you know what, I'm gonna put my name my email cause I felt off fancy. I had these nice, nice luggage and my phone number. My
luggage tech click click. That is the only thing that saved my bag because it was just these two random light light bags sitting in Philadelphia airport.
The lady looked at the luggage.
Tag and saw my name my adjes saw my phone number and called was like, Hey, is this Tiffany from you know, Newark?
I was like yes.
She was like, we have your luggage here. I was like yes, and she was like, I don't see you on the manifest. I was like yes because I missed the flight. She's like, they weren't supposed to send I'm like, I know. She said, we can put it on the next flight to Newark and you can pick it up for Nork Airport. So the silver lining is is that? Like so if like the like I'm literally taping with like a borrowed mic from a friend of mine because I'm in DC and I don't have my headphones.
I don't have did you make Colchra con girl now? Because I didn't have any cloths? Like that's the thing, like, you know, I wasn't you know.
And it was such a huge event and they were so nice to say it's so combinating, but you know, there was this lesson because I felt like it was the end of the world.
I'm not gonna lie because I've.
Never The only other time that I missed the speaking engagement is when Durrell passed away, because he always said he wasn't feeling well. I was supposed to be on the stage for Chase, and I was like, you know, but Jerrell was the type to just be like, oh, I stuped my to I'm going to a doctor, but something was like, no, go to the hospital. And I'm so glad that I did, because that was the last time I saw him like alive and speaking and you know,
relatively happy despite his head pain. And so I'm so glad that I did. And you know, but that's the only time I've never missed a speaking engagement, so I I couldn't. I don't know, like it's like I was really do almost anything, and I'm almost there's this part of it was like Tiffany, it's okay, like you're not missing it because you're like, I don't feel like it. But I really had a hard time letting go of the fact that like this thing beyond my control, you know,
was not a letting allowing me to move forward. I just I felt so bad as if like I purposefully maybe I shouldn't have went on the team trip, like what are we saying? You know what I mean, like, yeah, you know, And I just felt really really bad. And but the lesson for me was that like the worst case scenario of that situation, cause that's what I was worried about this happening.
It happened, and look at you. You're okay, you know what I mean?
Like that was like so you know, it was like you missed it, you missed Culture Con. Okay, Okay, like okay.
Like you know what I mean.
So I was like that was the part that it was like, I mean, I'm not gonna lie. There's still like it's underlying like anxiety and anxiousness about it.
But I'm like, Tiffany, you're okay. I mean you miss Culture Con.
You didn't you know, you didn't miss your wedding, you didn't miss the birth of your baby, you know what I mean? Like what you missed a conference because you're not at multiple airlines? You know.
It was raggedy, but you know, and you're okay.
So it was like, I think it's like a lesson that I needed that I'm still processing, but like, yeah, I just but honestly, so I called my admin, Rose, and I said, Rose.
What do we like what can we do to avoid this?
She's like, you know, what if it's imperative that you must get somewhere, then we don't fly United because.
This is the third time, because it's crazy.
It'd be one thing if I was like, oh, United's not flying and nobody else is flying. Every other airline is getting people to destinations, and I'm paying out of pocket to literally arrive at the same destination that you're not.
For whatever reason, your raggedy airline is not doing. Yeah, And so like now I know, if I have to be somewhere, I cannot fly United because it's just not worth it, which is so stupid, because what is the point I'm back and a lady, what's the point of being one k if I don't get any sort of like help rebooking. And I said, I'm still fighting all for the last three and you know, like missings, like you know, I mean, you won't even give me my money back from the mistakes.
You guys are making.
So it's just yeah, So I don't know, like honestly, I might consider like moving over to Delta, but it's just the issue with Delta is that like their hub is not Newark, and so you know, but I'm gonna look because I'm like I have to, like I travel a lot for business, and for pleasure, and so getting to a destination and a timy manner is critical.
What is it that they don't have enough crew?
Is it?
Because I feel like that's often it's like a crew shortage or something that is.
I don't know, you know, they're never truthful. Sometimes they're like, it's weather. I'm like, if it's weather, hack, come so no other planes.
Are because they want to say that, because if they.
Say it's weather, then you quote unquote you know, and I'm like that of God, Yeah, no, it wasn't like you know, And like I said, it's one thing.
I get it.
Things happened. They're giving people time to adjust. You can't tell me ten minutes before the flight never left Newark because it was supposed to have left Newark. Then two hours ago. You could have told me two hours ago and I could have adjusted. That's the thing, you know. So yeah, but I'm gonna do a whole rant and I'm gonna go on social media and I'm gonna drag on for filth because you know, they don't listen to me. They don't listen when you like hello, like customer support
or whatever. I'm still make it for my money. I'm like, well, then y'all need to be dragged publicly and so this is, this is dragging number one United.
Counter your days and this is and you're not one to rant and be like you know what I mean. So when you said airline, I was almost like, oh, something really bad must have happened because you're not exactly one to like let little stars go. I mean to let it like become this big. But that sounds so busted and so stressful, and I'm sorry you went through that. And yeah, the the mention about like the coping strategy and like the minds that the mind work to get
through a moment like that, That is maturity. That is girl.
I took everything. I mean, that's to like I'm telling you. Like one of my friends I called him. I called him, he was like just relax. I almost murdered him through the phone and he realized. He was like, I feel like that's the worst thing I could have said. I'm like, I'm weeping at the airline right now, and I know that like the.
Dating pool, is it about to get drowned in the dating pool? Say relaxed? Oh my god.
It was like my dad, I was like, don't tell me to.
You're like, oh, but see, you needed a punching bag. So you're like, well, thank you for volunteering.
Yeah, I mean, but you know, like it all worked out. I'm here, I went to DC the next day. I'm here and like, you know, making it work. So but yeah, I mean, and I mean now I see, like, Okay, it was fine, you know, and things typically are for the most part, but you know, in the moment sometimes it's just hard to process.
So yeah, yeah, sorry that sounds hell stressful. But I'm glad that you're you went through it. I mean, I'm glad that it's over now.
Yeah, it's over now.
So and you know, guys, that is cute. I'm just saying, yeah.
Yes, Oh, hopefully you guys will listen on Friday to our b a q A. If you have questions, we have answers, and we'll see you in a few days.
We'll see you soon.
But now if you're fighting United, because we'll never see you because you'll never get on hold and I'll just jok