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Hey va fam, welcome to the b a QA on this I don't know, delightful day. How are we feeling? I kind of went for like a grunge kind of like vibe. I got my my jilted American missus president shirt on. Yes she can, yes she didn't. But it's like Valentine's Day or whatever. So like, hi, yay, love.
Ya black clove, YadA.
Black clove.
Yes.
I mean, if you're Jalen Hurts and his wifey, like, I hope that there's rose petals and like bubble baths involved for you. I am joined by the beautiful, the wise, the glowing Nassima mceilroy, aka the founder of Financially Intentional. If y'all have not yet listened to this week's episode on Wednesday, the Brown Table, that episode is dropped. You can watch it on YouTube. Go watch it and then come back because Nasima is amazing and you offered such
a great perspective. Why are you laughing at that? You are amazing?
I love it.
I'm not so much fun.
I'm just reminiscing.
Oh good, That's all I want at the end of the day. I just want you to have fun. Okay. So Nasima. We are here to answer some questions from the BA fam. I want to know about. I shared a little bit about like my vibe around the holidays, like how are you feeling about v Day? And relationships in general, because we're here to talk about money and relationships.
Oh, money and relationships has always been like this weird kind of thing for me, I am technically technically you know, single right now, very much dating heavy.
Whoa you are? Okay? I love that for you.
That went Time's day. For me, I'm actually looking forward, so it's going to happen. I'm in their good spirits right now. But yeah, with my current relationship, I think money. The dynamic between like money talking about money is totally different than I've ever experienced because it's somebody that's kind of in the same similar space than us, and so we share a similar viewpoint. This person probably maybe.
Whisper the name all editing Nah tell me damn because Chris, you know pop on finance. Chris. I loved the he was single for like point five seconds, but and I told him he would. I was like, the girls are going to be all over this strapping young man. But anyway, I just just I love.
I just love the romance. Yes it's the romances, Yes, very nice romance.
And so before and I mentioned this in our episode, you know, I've been in a position where one of it is one of those things that brings a little bit of contention because I've always made a lot of money, typically more money than the person that I've been with, and it's always been like a topic topic of discussion, like oh, yeah, I know you're in this position and
I would never and what kind of man would? Until things change, right, and this time it's more of a balance, and so money conversations look a lot different under this context, and it's actually really exciting.
It's like the first.
Time I felt comfortable kind of pulling out the veil and like sharing in detail, like getting financially naked and sharing details and then being able to have like really constructive conversations around money, and it's really certisfying.
So I love it.
I I just I know how how special that is, especially after not having that. I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. And yes, I hope he buys you flowers and opens doors and all that, but like sitting down to have a financial conversation with like an equal who, there's no eggshells, there's no ego to tiptoe around.
Yeah, it's that part.
I could almost like get emotional about that. I'm really really happy for you. You deserve that. We all do.
Thank you, thank you. I think so. I think so is just really refreshing that Yeah.
How long? Well, how long have you all been dating? If you don't mind me asking, it's a couple of months. Oh just okay. I love that you're already having this discussion. But now we're no spring chickens. Like, this is not dating at twenty two, you're forty two.
This is dating at forty two. This is dating with kids involved, this is dating with it.
You have to be intentional about that business exactly. It's it's a whole bunch of things that if you don't start having those conversations early, is like, then.
What are we really doing?
Then we're just being friends because it's a different situation definitely.
And if you're worth it to them, they'll or if it's meant to be, Like it's almost like creating a boundary by saying I'm ready to have these discussions, and it's like a pre screen. Are you ready?
Yep?
Because if yes, Pasco, if no go back exactly. Yeah. Do you have any advice for other women who are thinking about getting back out there, who are just getting back out there, who are like established in their lives, especially after the convo we had Wednesday, y'all have to go listen to it about prenups and audit. Yeah, how do you think you'll have you'll approach this relationship differently, you know, from a money and business perspective, protecting yourself.
Oh, it's totally. Like even after we had the conversation.
On Wednesday, it was kind of something that I could touch back on and like, okay, like this is why prenups are important.
This is.
You know, I think this is something that we should discuss early on, and we like from our first conversation, like literally our first like serious conversation.
It was even brought up and it was just a check.
It was just a recheck in like this is really important to me, this is why, And then the sentiments were echoed because it's the.
Same thing, like we both have a lot to lose and.
We both have a lot to gain, and I think that that's what drives us, Like it's not about the prospect of you know, not being together. It's really about how we're going to manage our finances and how are we going to continue to have those discussions going forward?
Mm hmm do you a check?
Ind Yeah, that's that's great. Do you think that because you you shared on the show that you've had to have one marriage and then one you said it was a civil union, it was.
A domestic partnership that I still had to get good first from.
Yeah, which, yeah, that blew my mind. I'm like that was helpful to know. Yeah, anyone for anyone in that situation. Yeah, so talk to me. I mean, it is does it even matter like putting a label on it? Marriage? Is that something that you want to pursue again, knowing what you know now?
Was always something that after especially after going through marriage. And I can say that definitely my first marriage, I didn't really think about it really did. I wasn't very intentional about it, and I probably got married for the wrong reasons and not understanding marriage. And I think like Aaron made a great point of understanding what marriage is really about and people came from it from that perspective. Yes, but I didn't.
I just feel like you have to be in a marriage. I almost think you need to go through a marriage to know what marriage is. That it's very unfair to sort of like hold everyone to the standard of like go get married and you can, you'll never get divorced,
and if you get divorced, you failed. I almost feel like that is it's so different when you're in it, and I'm eight years in and I'm just now like really learning how a long marriage, you know, like decades of marriage like that, what that needs, And like I could know. I could have told you intellectually, I could have told you what I heard, what advice I had gotten, what books I had read, But like living it, I just I think that lived experience is so necessary.
It is.
And my whole thing was.
I was after that dissolution of my first marriage, like even going into having a domestic partnership. I was the reason why we had a domestic partnership and did not get married was because I was animate that I did not want to get married. But then then I didn't understand like the legal implications of a domestic partnership when
you have kids and you have property together. But I was just like I was so animated about like not getting married again, and how horrible it was is to go through that divorce process, and like being like people should have to go through a divorced process first before they get married so they can understand who that person is.
But now, like, it's different when you have great communication, you have you know, those you're able to have those open conversations and again you're able to get financially naked and not feel vulnerable and not feel taken advantage of and not having a tiptoe around emotions in which is what you often have to do in insecurities and all those kind of things. So I can honestly say, like it's the first time in my life that I've really been seriously considering even getting married again.
Okay, yeah, are your little girls? What's it like raising three little girls?
That?
I mean, I guess two of your girls are probably engaging with content and the internet media. Yeah. I remember being four years old and fully understanding marriage and knowing I wanted to be a bride because of course, I mean, that was the outcome that like every movie that I loved was all about so and it's just so funny different.
It's different with these kids, Like they are exposed to a lot and I think a little bit too much. So I'm having like really different conversations my oldest daughter.
Yeah, I don't know, trying to be a lesbian. I don't know. That's a whole other conversation for another day.
But but you know, but being they see like a spectrum of relationships, and they've seen me be married, they see me not be married, and.
They understand peace and happiness, and so they lean towards whatever brings you peace and happiness. And I don't think they've seen they've seen me be more peaceful independently than in a relationship, and so I think they're saying that whatever brings me piece is what I want to do, and they're understanding that, which to me is empowering because they don't tie their happiness to another person.
I learned so much about relationships by watching my mother.
Of course, I remember the happiest I ever saw her was the years after she divorced my dad and she was single and dating, and like, yeah, I mean, and that's something that comes up for me, is like when I think about those like kind of magic golden years being a kid, I'm like, oh, when my mom was going on these dates and she was getting all dolled up, and I'd watch her, you know, blow dry her hair and like the perfume and stuff, and she had friends
and she was having fun. And that really sticks with me as a mom because I just feel like it's so important for them to see us like thrive and have a life and have joy and have these relationships, friendships, you know, lovers like all that. It's because it's their example too of what they can get. All right, be a fan. Well, I want to jump into y'all's questions because as today is Valentine's Day, take that for what
it's worth. I've been saving some questions from ba fam about relationships and money, and so I thought, since I haven't seen me here, who better to help me answer these questions with y'all. So I love how this question is like a novel, and then the other question is literally like six words.
Right, Okay, oh my gosh, Okay, Well let's take let's go with the big one first.
Let'll get this out of the way. Not that your question is not important to me, Bronwin, this is your anonymous pseudonym. Alrighty, So this question comes from listener Bronwin, who is a newly Wedged says, my husband and I recently got married and we're discussing plans to merge our finances. Okay,
doing that after the marriage, all right? For context, I make about one hundred and fifty K. My husband makes forty K. I have ninety nine K and student loans with ambitious plans to pay them off in five years. I moved into the house that he owned three years ago, and since then we've maintained separate finances. I currently contribute almost half the mortgage, and I primarily cover the costs of groceries. All other household expenses are on him, but
we split major purchases and dining out. So if and when we merge finances, we plan to split household finances proportionally, meaning that I would cover more of our household costs because I earn more. However, all caps my husband primarily uses a credit card for his day to day expenses, and his parents his parents. Wait, I didn't read this question before. All the way through, his parents make the monthly payment. Okay, I mean not shocking because he's making
forty K. Like how a right? Sorry, back to front one. Although I also benefit from the generosity of this magic credit card. I don't know how to share finances without feeling resentment because I will have less disposable income to cover my debt and regular life expenses. Being a black woman ain't cheap. But he will benefit from my taking on more of the household cost and he will have a bottomless pot of money to swipe from while I
have a very strict budget that I follow. Should we share finances and if so, how should we split things to account for my high income but high debt and his bottomless gift? Do his parents know what's bottomless?
That's very that's a very interesting situation, Like why I guess I have more questions than.
Answers. Let's talk it through. What are some of the questions coming up?
First of all, like why is he only making forty thousand dollars?
What does he do? Substitute teacher?
What makes Yeah?
I don't know. I blow my mind that somebody can survive off of forty thousand dollars.
But maybe if you.
Maybe they live in Mississippi.
Maybe if you have this like endless access to money, like from your parents, you don't have the ambition to make more.
I don't know.
So that's kind of where my mind goes and then I'm like, Okay, like she really wants an answer to this, and I think that it's fair for her to feel this kind of way.
It's not his. Well, I'm sure they can work through that, but I'm just like, I think what's.
Gonna end up happening is is that they really need to sit down and talk about like what their real expenses are and then make that equitable, because like credit card spending is going to be purchases, it's going to be you know, it's not going to be necessarily your utility bills, or it could be I don't know, So what are your real expenses and then how do you think it would be equitable to split those?
But it's just the can you put your student loan debts on his credit card? Can you put that? Could make it a little equitable? Exactly?
Probably not, But I understand.
I understand the feeling of like somebody has this these resources, is access to resources that you don't have, and also like a little bit of resentment because you probably had to work really hard to get to where you're at to make one hundred and fifty thousand dollars. But like, I just feel like in lieu of the conversation that we had on Wednesday.
I just feel like, how are you already married and these things haven't been fleshed out?
That's my first thought too. Yeah, and it's not like they've gotten married, like and they've only been dating, you know, like she lived with him for three years, still didn't work this out. I don't know why things necessarily need to change after marriage. That was interesting to me. How because they've been married now they're gonna like reproportion the expenses. You know, she's gone from paying fifty to fifty for
his mortgage. That almost makes it seem like it was in his best interest to marry her because then he would get more help with his mortgage, which sounds sick, but that is kind of like how marriages worked back in the olden days. You know. Sometimes you'd have the man would have the title or whatever, or the parents credit card, and the woman with a dowry would help
pay off debts or whatnot. But that just that it's like a bit of a red flag for me, just why are we changing this up if it's been working for so long?
Exactly?
And the thing is, okay, what kind of mortgage are you having on a forty thousand dollars income, unless unless it's like a house that his parents bought for him. And it's just like so many questions. Yeah, and I'm hi, Yeah, is she's still winning because it for her to move into this house, it has to be like a financial reason in there somewhere, right, and so like how much
is this mortgage? And it's just like it Just like I said, it brings up more questions than I have answers to because I just I.
Need to understand this situation a little bit better.
Maybe those will make you feel more comfortable. I didn't do my salt shaker spiel. Y'all. This is our get your salt shakers out. This is the baq wa, this is infotainment. Okay, we are educated, we are smart, we know our ship, but we don't know all of your We're not your lawyer, we're not your financial plan and not your financial advisor. Don't sue us. So your grandma, as Tip would always say, so, Nazima, Now do you feel safe. Let's let's hypotheticalize this.
We will hypotheticalize it.
She wants to know should we share finances? How should we split things up? To account for my high income but high debt and his bottomless gift. Listen, like in a marriage, my debt became and and vice versa. That's our debt. This is our goal. I don't see why if if I would propose to him, even like, hey, I know we've talked about increasing the proportion of my mortgage the mortgage payment, my mortgage payment share because I
earn more now that we're married. But what if I you know, what if we calculated that, but I keep paying you half and I take the extra and I just put that toward my student loans because ultimately that's going to be better for our for us as a couple, because this is our debt now, and I wonder how he might take that. I also feel like he may not have any student loan debt because maybe his parents
bankrolled that. No shade to nepple babies like no shade, like I hope to raise one in a way, I hope to raise kids who I mean, not necessarily have my credit card when your ass is married, but who who have some you know, some financial support. Yeah, that's my thought, Like the debt should be theirs. I feel weird about him wanting to pay less of the mortgage because also, oh, this is what I wanted to ask,
is her name on the deed? Like is she going to actually get she's putting money into this mortgage, she should be on the deed, she should be earning equity.
Well, I think that's inherent in the marriage. And I think that's what Aaron talked about. And I wanted like to highlight the things that he shared in the way that his like, for example, his managers said, up, but like, when you get married, it's no longer my assets your assets. If you wanted to keep it like that, you don't get married, right, So now everything is your assets together.
So now you're a one hundred and ninety thousand dollars I mean yearly income households okay, And so everything needs to be looked at like that.
And yeah, that's true. And she's talking about if it only merged, finances will boom.
It's like, well, they're already under done it under the law, right, so now figure out a way where you can have a conversation to make it as equitable as possible.
I mean that's the only way.
I mean, that's a solution to me. It's just like sitting down, I'll share your feelings. You guys aren't new to this, y'all tut this. Y'all already been in this for a little while. You've already been commingling funds as what they would call it when you go to the court. You've already been commingling. So figure out a way that
feels fair for both of you, guys. And then I just like try and really trying to understand how much of the parent involvement is here and if that has anything to do with a lot of the of the resentment that she's feeling. It's like, is, does she feel like that maybe he doesn't feel as committed to the finances as he as he should because he has this
magic credit card like she likes to call it. Does she feel resentment because you know, he doesn't necessarily have to pull the same weight that she does, because he doesn't have student loans like it just seems like there's some things that they need to untangle, which I feel like, again, now that you're already married, maybe a post nup will help you work through and give you words around and
community and actual structure to put things under. So I think what ultimate advice would be maybe consider going through a post process or picking up Aaron's book and kind of working through that and using that as a guy to walk you through how to have these conversations and how to look through things like objectively and get some of those questions that questions answered that maybe causing the resent any of your relationship.
And Aaron's book is called pre Nupts Made Simple right by Aaron Thomas prescription. Oh thanks, not at all what I said? The free a description Okay, all right, gotcha? Well, you know, fifty to fifty we did it. Yeah, that's such a good point to talk about that prenup and to get some protection yourself, and especially if his parents
have substantial assets. I mean that we're not making we're making some assumptions about his parents being like loaded, but it could be like a five hundred dollars credit card, we don't know, just for like, I don't know, to buy himself lunch. I just can't take it when your mommy and daddy gave you a credit card to just use when you're grown and married. Okay, anyway, just like no,
but I love the idea of the post nup. I also love I also like, oh, This is what I was going to say earlier, because she mentioned how her day to day expenses and you know, she put it in parentheticals like being a black woman's expensive. And I feel like when you spend so many years keeping your finances separate as a couple, it can be uncomfortable to pull the curtain back and then show here's actually, yeah, here's actually where my money is going, because you're gonna
have someone else's judgment involved. But I mean, like my husband needed to know that I'm a massive Beyonce fan, so when she goes on tour, it's gonna be you know, a washer dryer, Like yes, and that's what I value in life, Like you need to kind of know that, or like if it's your hair appointments, your nails, I don't know what else, but like that is something that you know, you should maybe get comfortable talking about because
you're gonna want transparency from him and have that transparency yourself. And it's I liked what Aaron said too about having the in their post nup or hitting his prenup with his wife was having a clause that said if one of us spends over five hundred dollars, we have to tell the other person, So that kind of protection is important. So yeah, I'm on the street.
I think that.
I also think that when people make a certain amount of money, it's automatically assumed that they.
Have more money.
When a whole lot of lifestyle inflation and lifestyle creep happens there where this person that's making forty thousand dollars can easily have more disposable income than this person that's making one hundred and fifty thousand.
Dollars, especially when you don't have to spend money on day to day expence. You're putting them on.
Your picturing being a farmer, and she's like, I'm just picturing like boat bos Bozema, Saint John from real start to Beverly Hills, like dating, I don't know, dating the farmer, and like it works for them, but it's very different, you know.
Yeah, yeah, but you know, there could be a lot of assumptions on his rehalf, like that she should have more money so therefore she could contribute more, especially if you're looking at it from like trying to be equitable and sharing expenses so that you know she makes so much more. But like I think what you're saying, like pull back the curtain, like really really share what you're
spending on. Could there is there some things that could be cut back possibly, But the bottom line is is that you guys need to be on the same page on what you're spending, is what you value, what's really important And then you know, I think that'll that'll help them be able to make decisions around sharing finances. But again that's something that I feel like when you do a process like a prenup, postnup, all of those things, it helps you flesh those out.
So m getting clear on your goals as a couple too. Are we collectively working toward paying off your debt? That helps get the mindset on his part going that this is like our goal to reach and are we planning to retire at a certain age? Like do we is one of our values that we're going to have family vacations every year? And what could that cost? And like how do we plan toward that? And that is a
missing piece I think for a lot of relationships. And it's certainly some years were good at it me and my husband. Some years were not so great at it. You know, making a plan talking about like post baby years when it's just like survival like I can't.
Really but oh my goodness, yes.
But good luck Bronwin and thank you for thank you for your question. Congratulations on your your your wedding. I really hope the best for y'all. But I like, I think the post up the post nup plan. So go to prenups dot com too, because Aaron. I don't know what state you live in, but I think Aaron's practice they practice in like half the states, maybe more most of them.
Yeah, yeah, you can find somebody in your stay through his side.
Al Right, all right, let's take a quick break and we'll come right back with a question from listener Lauren. Okay, b a fan, We are back with us short but sweet and very broad question from listener Lauren, who sent us a d m on ig to say, how do you talk to your partner about finances when you're not married and are there any red flags?
Yeah, talked about this at the top of the show, and I think it depends, like you said, on what stage of life Betterer in like how much in detail, how bad.
You get into those conversations.
And also you know, I talk about money every single day, so it's just like your level of comfortability right with it, and I don't know, finances comes up for me really really early on, Like what was.
The was there a topic you started with? Was it like you want to you want to get like the spring rolls or the tacos for appetizer? Also what's your credit score? Just wondering it was I like that.
It was kind of like, hey, I like you a lot, you know, I know what you're all about.
And guess the predoms, you know what I'm saying, Like that was like the first sentence, you know, So I mean like, yeah, those conversations, it just it just depends. But I feel like the earlier the better. I feel like what people lean towards more is not having those money and money conversations until there's an issue that comes up.
And I think the most important thing is to try to and not saying that you can curb everything, but try to get in front of those conversations early and kind of like even if it's just like general, like what's your perspective about money, Like do you.
Want to retire early?
Like how do you value money? Like how do you look at it? Like do you think investing is important?
Do you think that yogo is important and that you don't know when you're gonna die, so you know you spend this kind of way, or do you just have money trauma and you're still trying to heal from that, or you know, like it's just just like like get your money philosophy out there, even if you don't know if it's a money philosophy, but like share stories around money or things that have come up for you and how it makes you feel on how it's dictated, how
you like manage life. And one of the greatest ways that you can kind of do that is like really look.
Through your transaction for the last couple of months.
I fellos bank saments and credit card statements, and it will kind of tell you what you're valuing in that moment.
I love you. I love the electronic version. I just can ignore it now. But the whole thing, well, I use Rocket Money. Do you have used like an app where you can see all your finance, your your stuff in one spot.
I use Monarch. I love Monarch.
My money is great too, because it'll tell you like your subscriptions, like can remind.
You, hey, you know you can't.
It's very good. It just isn't so easy to like cancel them as they make it seem. But yeah, I'm trying. I had yeah, yeah, yeah, it's like, oh, we can't do that for you here go just letting you know. But yeah, but for my husband and I, it was it's finally the platform that we're using now to like look at all of our stuff in one place. You know what, do they have.
A network track around there? Yeah, all of that stuff, which which I really really like.
It's a really nice dashboard and you can add your partner as like a joint user, and so it adds that level of transparency. But our problem is the time to like block out two hours to actually go through it and really do like I want to do a values lineup assessment. I want to I want to like talk through our values first, especially like around value specifically that relate to like finances, Like what types of things are we willing to spend more on? What do we
not value so much? And then do like an audit of our finances and kind of like assess what things can be cut because they're not in alignment with our values, and kind of like look at how we've been spending I don't know the past like year or two and see how we are in or out of alignment with those values because our I know, one of our our values is being able to retire like earlier than the
government would have us think is normal. I know our value is that we want to be able to like purchase homes for our kids and or help them with their first down payment. And my husband has a value of wanting to hand down a really nice watch to his boys, something that I kind of rolled my eyes out, but it means a lot to him. Yeah, He's like, I want to give them a Rolex, and I'm like, akay. But if that's a value, then let's be striving towards that.
I think what we're going to find is a lot of door dash and uber eats and have to be like, was our value? Well, see what we could like our value is convenience and spending time as a family and me not having to cook. That's a value, but it's
that it's setting. I would say one of my pieces of advice for you, Lauren, is just too as much as you can make it a habit, like and I've given this advice and I'm not great at enforcing it, which is like have that money, you know, scheduled conversation, whether it's like once a week, once a month, whatever, once a quarter, but having that dedicated time and if
when all else fails. I really love getting a financial planner in the mix because especially if you do like a fee based or fee only planner for a few hundred dollars like which maybe that sounds like a lot, but consider like a couple's counselor in a way, because they can be like an objective third party to ask some of the questions that maybe if it came from you, they might get defensive or you don't even know which questions to ask, and a financial planner can and you
can just make it simple. It's not like we are coming here to merge our finances. It's like we're gonna do with the financial planner just to do like a household budget assessment and get everything in one place and track our goals and all of that. And I promise like through that conversation with that planner, you'll be able to get a lot of clarity around your partners, like the EIMA was saying, like mindset around money, how they
feel about money. You can start looking for red flags, like I think you know Obviously, someone who shuts down it doesn't want to do it. That's a big red flag.
That's the one that's a big one.
But I think like Lauren's question is more like, should you even be talking about finances with someone that you're
not married with? I'm married too, And I think the overall answer is yes, But I'm going to say it depends because if you're not dating seriously, like it's a lot of people else out here just just like you know, you know, just dating for the thrills, you know, But if you want to go to that person, if you're if you're dating seriously and you want to go to the next level with that person, you want to make it more than just dating, and you might be on
that wedding directory or life partner trajectory. And like in Ellie's case, like she doesn't feel like she's gonna be married, but you've been with this man for twelve years.
I mean they share a lot inherently, right, So if that's the.
Path that you're going on, the sooner the better to have these money conversations and I love you, and the suggestion of meeting with the financial planner. It kind of goes along the same thing of like the whole you know, setting up like prenums and like just getting prepared for that, because a lot of that is just like bringing to the table your gets your assets, all those things. And then also it brings to the forefront what your money personality.
Is, you know, So I love Yeah, I like you can keep it light and cute early data. Maybe it's about I mean cause if you're like, let's say you're you're like bron one before, where one person earning is earning like three times as much as the other one, and the other one wants to go on dates and it's like any but you guys are only just dating. So it's like maybe you're going to go split seas or you know, you get one, I get one kind
of thing. Yeah, then there should be a conversation, a candid one about hey, I'm not able to afford this type of date, so let's set a budget or are you comfortable? You know, like, are you okay if I take you to I don't know, why is chick fil A the only thing come to my mind? Chick fil A and take a walk in the park, versus like going to a Michelin rated restaurant. Right, and that I
think is maybe not a comfortable conversation to have. But if they make you feel safe and not judged, and if they make you feel if they're completely understanding and immediately or like yes, that's a green flag. And if it's anything but that, I would say that's a that's a red flag to look out for it.
Yeah, And like in the instance of like the person that's making like forty thousand dollars a year and wanting to be that person that takes that person out, I can understand like how that conversation can be uncomfortable because you want to be those things you want to be
able to provide. And I have seen where those situations turn to like a Negati thing where it could where it could easily be just like let's have a conversation like I don't want to go out to all these places that you think that I might want to go to just because you think I'm used to a certain level of luxury.
The more important thing is I want to spend quality time with you.
And if that means that we order pizza and we watch Netflix, that's way more important to me then you trying to impress me and take me to this fancy restaurant because you know, I've been there and that's what I want to do. And I think that instead of shying away from those conversations, you're like, hey, like I really want to do these really nice things for you.
But it's given me a little bit of anxiety because I can't do those things at that level right now, you know, And then what is a way that we can work around it? But I think people are so scared of having those conversations that they'll just give up on the relationship.
And I've seen that, Well, if it really matters to you, don't give up. And I mean I don't mean to say if they're uncomfortable, like it's a right shut it down, because I think depends on ages. Like my husband and I got in a fight when we first started we moved in together, and I was like, for some reason, I'm such a hermione. I was like way over the top. I was financial, you know, financial expert, Yahoo finance, blah blah blah, like come on, tell me your credit score.
And he was like, well, no, I won't. And I was like, well, yes you will. I need to credit score. And it became like this whole thing, this big like power struggle if like tell me what your credit score, and I should have just like calmed down, given him some space to get comfortable with the idea, and like eventually it was fine. But like leaving a little bit of like space for the human element, especially if they have anxiety or just like internalized patriarchy can be a
part of that too. They need to learn a little bit of that much he's most sometimes and if they're worth there, you can give him a little bit of space,
little bit, all right, be a fanble not sema. Thank you so much for joining me twice this week, ba fam, go check out in Nasima's incredible work and Wednesday's episode, of course, we learn a lot about her experience as a labor and delivery nurse and repping for Oakland And thanks for joining us, all right, check her out at Financially Intentional and what's the name of your podcast?
Is it also financially intentional podcast?
Financially Intentional podcast? All right, va Fam? Until next time, Bye, take care,