Nothing about them kids. I want to hear about marriage. I know it won't be like this forever, but how did you find time to reconnect and how do you prioritize yourselves.
We're in a space now to where we know the importance of not just being partners in business, not just being business owners, but understanding that if we don't work, nothing else is going to work.
The same way we schedule. To prioritize everything else, you have to prioritize your relationship as well. Often, especially if you've been together as long as we have twenty one years, you have to reneet one another.
Hey, hey va fam, welcome back to Brown Ambition. I could not be more excited about today's episode. We have Real Estate Royalty soon to be Podcasts Royalty in the house with us, say welcome, welcome to Married to real Estate themselves. We have Egypt Sharad and Mike Jackson from Married to Real Estate HGTVS own either Different Mike have been together for twenty one years Oh my days. Uh and they are top on top of being the stars of HGTV's top rated show Married to Real Estate, which
drew over nineteen million No big deal, nineteen million. Real viewers in its third debut season. Now they have their fourth season. Congratulations, Like Listen, one season is all people can usually hope for. And it feels like, especially people who look like us, getting a season on a prominent network, like they'll be looking for reasons to cancel anything. I feel like this days. You're also crown the winners of season three of HGTV's flagship competition design show Rock the Block.
And you have a successful, brand new podcast which is a little bit different. But haven't been married for twenty one years. I know you'll have gems on Gems on Gems to offer so Ba fam You got to check out their podcast Marriage and Money. As parents have three daughters, this couple is at the forefront of authentic messaging about generational wealth and life planning. In other words, you're King and Queen Brown and mission welcome.
All right, I'm Queen.
It's the I agree. Those braids are everything.
You know, so many grades were loop for me a couple of months ago. I had never, all of my forty something years, been able to sit still for braid because you know how long they take. But honestly, I don't see all this, But but I'm like in this phase of my life where it's got to just be easy and care free. So I can sit my tail still for a good seven hours. She can put these in and honestly, these are staying like two three months.
I love it.
I love it too, and I'm getting a lot of compliments on it. Folks say it makes me look younger, and.
You can do an updo. It can be very regal. If it's good enough for Michelle Obama, I'm like done, like she has not.
This is start I created for myself. Watch this. I did this on what cover? It was? Show magazine.
Audio.
Don't know what you're doing.
We'll be on video, don't you worry. Be a fan on YouTube. Look it's zoom in this.
Okay, isn't that sex? I love this.
If you like it, I love it.
I showed her how to do that.
Did you so?
Tell me about your haircare routine, mister Mike.
Go for it?
Well, so, all right, So it's funny that you say that I used to be a bother. Okay, Oh really, My cousin's here every now and then, and Uncle Mark's here on the show. You know, so I go there. Don't play, don't play play routine.
That's all she asked.
Is it just there? Do you like add a little thumb sum This is.
My opportunity to just kind of point out as women, how much we have to do to get ready, and it's not right. We have to start like to days ahead of time, day shower, motion and shade and they're out the door. And then want to know why we're taking this so long?
Yeah, twenty years of marriage, you still ask her why she's taking so long. I don't three daughters, so what are their agentes? Let's see age.
Range twenty three, thirteen and six.
Stop you're talking about I'm tired. Well, no, that's a huge aig range.
I asked myself a few times if the decision should have been to have them all within a window and be done.
Because each time you got comfortable enough like you forgot probably how and then you went and did it again. And that's what I'm afraid it's going to happen.
Only thing I regretted because after the last one, I was forty two when I had her, So after the last one, I didn't have that snapback that I had when I had on middle big, nothing, step fast, nothing at all. It didn't it didn't happy for me. I was waiting, So that would be my only regret for what I do love is they each had their own time. Do you know what I mean? They really had right? Yeah? There is to just be the star.
Yeah yeah. You know what's interesting about that gap is that they each have received different parents, right, because we've become people throughout the stages, and each one you learn more through each child. So you know, Harper is the youngest one. She's sick, she she has some amazing parents.
She's living her best life. I know, Harper. She's one of those kids to eat sushi, isn't she now? Okay?
And they've got the parents that will working it out, trying to figure it out.
Wait, what's the what's the eldest called?
Simone is the oldest?
Oh, poor Simone. I know how Simone feels. When I went to college, my little brother was a king. He had a he had a flat screen TV. He got that, he got the hand me down king bed. Meanwhile, I slept on a futon all through high school, folded up because there wasn't enough space. Anyway, Simone, I see you.
Though. She's actually graduated college magna cum claude. And in the fashion industry, which was her dream. So she has no complaints. But the only time to take from hers when is due, uh, where where she wants where she wants some money for something she wants to travel, you know. Otherwise it's like I don't think I'm coming home for Thanksgiving. I have a life now, but that's.
The dream, right, Like you're sort of living my ambition as a mother. Right, it's to create that generational wealth, and that's what it can look like. It's no stress about rent. How do you guys balance that? I mean, I don't know much about your upbringing, but well, how do you think about your children's relationship to money and what you want to offer them and you know, still make sure that they're well rounded and confend for themselves.
Well, I'll say this, you know, becomes a tug of war. You know, we don't let them just have any everything they want. However, there are points where they were like, okay, well I'll just play you against each other. I won't that mom knowing dad no, and I kind of will get what I want, right, But we are instilling in them that it's not just money, money, money money, It's about earning it's about learning, it's about understanding. It's a tool,
not just something that's willy nilly. You go work, you know, go spending however you want to work for you.
I mean what I'll say, Mandy. When I grew up, my parents and my grandparents' generation believe in hard work.
Right.
It was sort of like, you know, you work hard and you'll have the things, but you got to put in your years and you got to pay your dues. And you know, at first, you know, our thought is to pass that down. But I actually stand here saying the antithesis of it, instead of working hard, works smart. You should not take thirty years to do what we can do in thirty days. Now, you know, there's a
lot more information being shared out there, wisdom knowledge. This generation, we've had the opportunity to plan forward for our kids. This generation, for our family is going to be the first generation of trust fund babies. I didn't have to you know what many of us didn't have. We didn't even know what that was. We wouldn't even trust you with our funds.
But the trust fund was under the mattress. Good luck, hope something's left.
You learn more, you know better, do better, and but still we're not raising spoiled, rotten kids. We want them to still understand the value of heartwork, know how to do for themselves. But more more importantly, the difference now is teaching them what they'll never learn in school. You know, how to make your money work for them and make it last for generation.
Right, enough about them kids, I want to hear about marriage. Kids get all the attention. I'm you know, I have a five year old and a two year old, and ooh, I am at that stage where it's like the marriage is like where I mean, it's so hard at the end of the day, the way that we are physically exhausted. And I live in New York. I'm from Georgia. My family is all over the country. I don't have a
family village. I have neighbors that I have worked so hard to I live in the suburbs, and during the pandemic, I was like, I'm gonna get to know everybody because I need help, and those relationships have served me so well. But still, you know, I'm running a couple of businesses. My husband works in the city, and at the end of the night, it's just like you good, you you you survive and I'll see you in the morning for like five minutes. I know it won't be like this forever.
But did y'all experience times like that throughout your marriage? And like, how did you find time to reconnect? And how do you prioritize yourselves?
First thing I'll say is, so you said you're from Georgia and you live in New York.
No, everyone, everyone went to Atlanta. I got to get back there.
Yeah, passing ships in the night like roommates.
Didn't we we've been there.
Made Oh yeah, I'm in that stage. That one I like.
But one of the things that we, you know, pride ourselves on is we're in a space now to where we know the importance of it not just being partners in business, not just being business owners, but understanding that if we don't work, nothing else is gonna work. Right, you can do all of this and then you never see each other. And that goes outside of an order, right, But those that may be Christian based and order the aligned God, the man, the wife, the family, et cetera.
So we continue to date continuously. You know, if it's not night, it's gonna be days. If it's not days, it gonna be an hour. We continue to get our time as husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend to make sure everything else flows through it. Don't don't, don't advise you many make sure y'all don't get so lost in the work that you no longer like each other. Okay, and that's one of the things we make that we.
No longer like each other. Like all the time, we cannot like each other. Sometimes you got to give me something at least an hour day.
But the reality is, I think where marriages start to suffer, right is where the kids become all the priority. Business becomes a priority. Everybody else comes first, and you have to meet up in big for a little rat ta tech you happen to.
If you're lucky and I haven't put my bonnet on you, you have to the same way we schedule to prioritize everything else.
You have to prioritize your relationship as well. Often, especially if you've been together as long as we have twenty one years, you have to re meet one another something the man that I'm married.
Sorry, my Siri really liked what you said and wanted to chime in. Something went wrong, try again. That's pretty apt for my situation. Yeah, go ahead.
Well, yeah, you just you know, re meeet one another. You know, we have a point in I'm married where we talked about divorce. This was what was that about seven years ago? Eight years ago? Because you had it backwards. You know, we were we were just building businesses. You know, I was at a stage where I wanted another baby. You didn't necessarily want another baby, so you know, we had different priorities. We didn't have the support that we put in place now, and it was just it was
a scary rod. I also, you know, was was being a little selfish, I'm to be honest with you, because it was I was building, building, building, building, not thinking that if I'm free to build, who's watching the baby? You know, he's watching the trying to build too. And so you know, so we went to therapy for a period of time and therapist essentially kicked us out of her office.
Why because she was like yellow Fryan, get out of here.
No, no, no, just opposite. She was like, y'all do not belong together. You're the worst. But because we didn't talk at home about our rights, a fear of offending the other person, so they don't want to get the therapy. You just want to let it all out and let it all out. And she's like, oh my god, you don't belong together. And I looked at her. I was like, you don't belong.
In this business.
You're not supposed to say that, Jesus.
But it worked. It worked actually because we realize, like, you can't tell us that we're fighting for that, and right, yeah, we force our.
Relationship, you know. In addition to that, I would say, also, you know, with regard to how do we make it all work, there's no competition here, right. We lean into each other's strengths. And you know, I was at home with the kids at times, and I didn't mind that. However, there may be times where certain men feel uncomfortable, they feel less of a man because they're like, I feel I need to be making more money, or I should
be the bread woman at this point in my life. However, or the roles may change, and she's like, I didn't sign up to be a stay at home mom. We understand that this works for us, right, It doesn't matter what society says or what any relationship book may say. This works for us. There's no competition, there's no egos. We know each other's strengths. When I'm weak, she strong, and vice versa, and we and we owned that, we own it for our really no.
True, I'm really I just, first of all, I want to say thank you so much. I feel like conversations like this for someone like me who's who wants to have a lasting relationship and marriage, not because I'm sold on the fantasy of it, but because I genuinely I mean, I'm a journalist by trade. I've I'm writing a book right now called Brown Ambition. I know what happens to kids who grow up in an environment where they see examples of good relationships. You know, I won't even put
like the marriage label on it. So I'm striving for that. I'm striving to raise my kids in that kind of environment. But with that does come these moments. And I'm just really grateful to y'all for going there. Hey, ba, fam, we got to take a quick break, pay some bills, and we'll be right back. Welcome back, bea fam. Let's get back to the show. I think Michelle Obama like she broke the internet when she talked about the ten years you gotta you didn't even like Barack and Tabatha
Brown and her husband. It's his name Chance. I think, so I just more of this, please not because I think it's important to like, for the I don't know, not to make it like a tabloidy type thing like ooh, did you know? But genuinely, how did you work through it? And what really resonated with me is I'm listening to y'all is the lack of saying what's on our minds,
to not offend, to not create conflict. And one of the hardest challenges has been to trust each other with conflict and to realize that the that not telling the truth is like saying that you don't trust me with your truth, and that's that's like an unhealthy, you know, state of your relationship. And that's been a huge game changer. We want you know, it's been a really tough year and I feel like when that clicked and we could be more honest, Yeah, it just I felt that deeply.
Thank you God to open up Pandora's box just with that statement, because there's so much to unpacking that. So, for instance, one of the things in relationships in general, not just you know, platonic or you know, marriages, et cetera, but when someone is speaking, how are they speaking to you?
Right?
Are they speaking with you? Are they speaking at you? Are they speaking to you? It's not what you say, it's how you say it. A lot in relationships that can deter someone from ever opening up again. And you know, on the flip side, you hear a lot of men say for the most part, is that they'll clam up, they'll shell up because the moment I did try to open up to you, you know, you be littered me or you said something that I didn't like. It just
it was wrong. You approached it wrong. So now they just never opened up and I can go for both, go both ways, right. So when relationships again, I think one of the big things is not just what you say, but how you say it as well.
And I'll also add to that that you know when you are significant other stops communicating and stops talking is when you're in trouble. And even if y'all are screaming to the top of your lungs, it might seem toxic, but at the very least you know that the other still cares enough to exert the energy to fight for it, to try and fight this right when they just.
Said this is why I pick fights. I'm like, and You're like you still love And he's like and I'm like, oh, never mind, did to do? He's like, what why are you arguing about who left the milk out overnight? I'm like, I don't know. Just need a little touch base.
For us though, Like truly, Mandy, we had gotten to this place when our middle baby was two weeks old. We moved to Atlanta, so old diver city, no try. I didn't know anybody trying to establish ourselves, build businesses.
I was.
I also had a radio show at that point, and it was literally like starting all over. We bid off way more than we could chew. So you already have a new baby, new city, new jobs, and you know it was going to like pressure burst pipes. We didn't account for that. And I also was moving so fast just trying to do do do that. I never turned to say, Michael, you're okay? How are you feeling like? You know, how has you been taking the brunt of dealing with the baby, or how's that taken a toll
on you? Right? He also was a business owner up in New York and Jersey, and he closed that business to start all over down here. And right right, I thought he was okay and he wasn't okay. So when we ignore the writing on the wall, when we don't do check ins with one another, is essentially where resentments build.
Yeah, isn't it hard to you know? When you think about the I always say, like women of our of my our gener our generation millennium, I'm not gonna you look like you could be a gen Z millennial. I'll
be with yeah millennial, even we'll go with thezillennial. But there is this idea that like, oh, we can have it all and you can get you should get the job and go for the promotion, and like, you know, and I'm a negotiation coach too, so I'm out here trying to teach women how to feel confident and secure
that bag and have those tough conversations. And at the same time, and people don't necessarily especially if you're I'm being heteronormative here, So you know, I know that there's different dynamics and other types of relationships, but in a you know, a you know, woman man those two gender identities, and as a woman, you kind of you get married and you're like, oh, but I'm the new generation, like the husband's going to be a fifty to fifty equal
domestic partner, and like all this is supposed to and like they're not supposed to complain about it. And so even being open to the idea that your husband needs support or that he like I was, I've been, I found myself expecting him to just like get with it, like this is the new this is a new age. Like you're going to be changing diapers and be here all day and like if you don't agree to that, then you must not support women and you must be you must have issues. We need to unpack that. Let's
go to therapy for you. And there's some humility, there's like it has to be. It can't be like so far in each direction if you want to have a partnership.
You know, the way you just said that is actually dangerous. And what I mean by that is that's how a lot of young ladies are feeling like or should I say believe it should be.
Oh yeah, I know I'm saying that as like, oh, we gotta know, I know, backtrack a little.
Bit thin somebody's watching and they feel like head nod is moving back and forth and this is the new day and age this is how you should be. And it's unfortunate, you know, because a lot of men actually are perfectly fine with staying home and understanding that they can work from home and be an amazing man, right and vice versa. But when the society says, Okay, this is the new age, this is how it should be.
But then you have a young man or you have a young lady that has never had the tools, have never seen what it looks like to be in a great relationship. All they see is what's on social media and what is blown up on certain blogs of podcasts, and they run with it and they can't figure out why their relationships are not working because they are going by what society said he should right.
Yeah, for their Yeah, the idea they have, go ahead.
Sorry, Egypt, I'm still stuck on heteronormaty. You know that's a new word for.
Me or really well sorry, yeah, I mean it's it's what I What I mean by that is like I think there's this the traditional gender stereotypes and every relationship. I just didn't want to make people who are in same gendered like they have a different Like my sister, for example, she's married to a trans man and they have a different set of certain you know, different kind of like societal cultural like stories that they've been told about their different roles, and they're trying to figure out
their new normal. So that's that's all I meant by that.
I was just like, yeah, I just love.
To day you think it, You're welcome.
I think at the end of the day, saying the shame rules do apply, Mutual respect is it's it's just period. And you know, it's a grace that we should send to everyone, not just the person that we're with. Uh. Clear communication versus assumption. You know, if you assume you know how someone feels or how they should feel based upon however you're processing it. And that's where we're wrong as well. I think also having a base together, like
in a couple. Shit, no matter what your whether you're heteronormative, whether you're homonormative, I don't I don't know how you would call it, but there has to be some sort of return to, you know, to return to start for a relationship that you know, if things start to go left, let's let's take it back to what we know grounds us. For us, it is prayer and meditation.
That's beautiful.
It really is.
You know.
One of the things that I loved about him when we were dating is, you know, I'm a praying woman, and when I would drop down on my knees, he get behind me, wrap his arms around me, put his hands over my and cover me to me. Just the symbolism, you know, you know, can we get a painting the loop? But but maybe that's not for everybody. I don't care if you was just going to the gym. You know, for some people it's like it grounds them, it centers them. It's just going to the gym and work it out.
But whatever that home base is for your relateationship, don't make it so long before you return to it, you know, make sure you revisit what got you guys together in the first place.
Oh that's not sweet. I hadn't like put a name on that. But for us, it's walking, taking a little walk in nature. It's usually how we get back. Okay, I want to get I mean I could talk to you all about that forever. I'm assuming when's the book coming out? Are you going to have a marriage book? It's in the works, isn't it.
Well, you know, what we don't claim to be experts in any category.
Even've got to be an expert. You can do whatever you want, write a book, but I love the stories.
I think you have so much to teach it and thinks that even we expressed that on a podcast. But we do have a lot of experience in certain things and have had some experiences that we definitely would love to share.
Okay, got it now? AHATV and y'all starting your businesses together. When did that merger kind of happen? Were you doing your own thing Egypt and then you might do in your own thing. When did y'all decide let's go into this together.
It started during COVID. You know that COVID was It was a redefinition definition period for a lot of people because we were trying to get used to the new normal working from the kitchen counter, trying to run your business and still earn money or be the school team. Oh my god, you didn't have your kids hearning COVID.
I had one baby, I had a newborn.
Oh my gosh, just a whole new appreciation for teachers though, and when.
They Yeah, thank god I didn't have he wasn't virtual homeschool that, Yeah, that's so tough.
He did that, and so that for us we had to, I mean again, out with the old rules. Let's figure out how we can survive. And we really wound up liking the new definition of our marriage because we were running our respective businesses from the kitchen island while breakfast was being made, while one of us was teaching the other, while we're you know, playing that for the other one. And ended up it was a lot happening. But we were running separate businesses, and the and we kept them
separate is because we were married. And it's like too much. Too much is you know, if a good thing can be a bad thing, So you run your business. I'm gonna remind But as we started filming just what was happening around our house, he was doing this on his cell phone, we realized how much we were working against one another. Literally, I was sending business to other contractors. He was sending business to other realtors and designers, all for the sake of trying to keep a safe space
for our marriage. When we realized, you know, really what it is is if we set loop, we can do so much better together. You're doing great on your own soul, live, but we can do so much better together. So it was during those COVID years that we I mean, here, here, it is right here, here's you want one that's gonna be controversial, Yes, please an exclusive, but it is gonna
be controversial. We decided that we would return to what our grandparents did, sleeping in separate bedrooms and separate bits for some you know, we had some people say, oh, that's the kiss of death.
Yeah, no, I thought, as if your butts didn't touch when you were sleeping, that's the Steve Harvey thing. That is just nonsense.
Go ahead, But it was beautiful for us so much that we love to for a couple of years. But it also helped us have that you know, that time that you need to just like to yourself so that when you return to each other, you can be the best version of you. And that's also how we decided that we would be able to launch our business as long as we gave the other their space that they needed when they needed it.
So let us elaborate on the room separate before somebody grabs that and tweaks it a little bit.
That's enough. Let's leave a little bit to do, you know, leave a little ambiguity.
It's important because it's a blessing. A lot of folks don't have the ability to go into another room, depending on your room, especially you live in a loft in New York City, you like you go to the couch and go to the table. They don't have that ability, but those that do are understand that. Man, I would love a reset right now. I'm not mad at them, but a reset would be amazing. To listen to what I want to listen to, to watch what I want to watch, you know what I'm saying, to eat what
I want to eat, in peace, et cetera. So when that happened, it was a matter of where we saw that. Okay, we both had the kids all day at the same time. How about let's do this Monday. You have the kids. Tuesday, I'm going to this room and vice versa.
It's co parenting at its finest. There's some z it's not a bad deal. Divorce parents, the co parenting, I admire that. So bringing it into your marriage like that's.
It created such peace, you know, because of something. You don't want to get so lost in each other that you lose yourself. Damn, Yeah, you still gotta be You still gotta have guys night, you still gotta have girls night, and it all makes sense. Otherwise it's like all I have is them, So when they're not here, I don't know what to do. Right, don't lose yourself and work, don't lose yourself in each other.
And So during that time, Mike, when you were in Atlanta, and I know you said you weren't doing so well, or Egypt said that, I'm wondering when how did you go about as a man building community in Atlanta and how did you make those connections? And then Egypt, how did you help him? Because sometimes I'm like, do you want me to set you a playdate? Because I feel like I'm so good at making connections. I'm like your friend from college, I'll email his wife like we'll get you guys together.
But how did you do that? Mike?
I didn't. I didn't, you know. And that's part of the problem because the person that I am, I'm going to hold on the things. Nobody needs to know what's going on within my household. So unless you were one of my cousins that I have ten thousand of or one of my great, great, great friends that I went to school with, there's only two of them that are here in Georgia. My thing is in your household. You can't tell everybody everything otherwise they start judging your other person.
So my thing is I had to work on it internally, right, And I also knew that it wasn't forever. This is just a time period in my life that is in transition phase. So the new phase is coming, so I'm not going to get it as frustrated. What the frustration. The frustration came in when you try to explain yourself. Are you request certain things? And again, how the person responds, in their tone, what they say, that's what makes it worse.
It's like, okay, I moved here. We moved here because of you, and I'm not where I need to be, but you're not even respecting just little requests or certain things I say. Right, So it wasn't listen, I love being a girl dad. I would do that heart beat it deal with none else. I don't care about finances or the look. That wasn't the issue. It was again, let's just still treat each other with respect, no matter how much this person may have or we may have. It's just that mutual respect.
But I will say, because you know, one of your questions was, well, how did you build community and you know, to be able to have guys night and one have you? I think us recognized and that did come out of therapy, us recognizing that part of our challenge was when we moved here, we only had each other. You know, up north, he had a huge group of friends. I had a huge group of friends, and when we moved here, we really did have to cling to each other and it was just too much.
Like you know, was that during the pandemic or before before? Okay before and.
So again, intentionality and what we do across the board is important when you recognize that something is really missing that you need. Maybe you thought you didn't need it as much. I need girl time. I'm a girl's girl. He needed guys time away from all the girls. So what we did was start to become intentional about forging relationships.
That's one of the ways that our podcast came together because we realized, okay, all right, we meet eight nights with couples, So let's create this podcast where we can invite folks who are doing it successfully or those who've been through something, so they could teach us how to get through things or other couples who are dealing with having three kids and businesses, so we can build relationships. And it really has done exactly what we carved for it to do, because we now have a lot of
couple of friends and he'll have his guys nights. A big part of it was, you know, you said, Egypt, how do you support that? I don't make him feel guilty about it? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, Oh, you just won't go hang with the Yeah, I don't do that because y'all.
Have a secure base now and you're not. I think sometimes it's not that you're doing something else. It's just like, but you haven't filled this cup and then you're gonna you know, and I think, I mean it's a I'm I'm so glad to hear some of the themes that we've talked about. It gives me a lot of confidence in my relationship and sort of the changes that we've been making. It gives me like hope. It also reminds me to what you said. This this mantra that I have is like this is a face. It will not
be forever. My son doesn't want to wear pants in the morning. He sent him to school with no pants, my two year old, not the fireirl and I and normally I would be like screaming, like put your pants on. He'd be screaming. I'm just like, you know what, you want to rock with no pants? Here's a pretzel rod, like, here's some orange hues, like you're it's fine day care. I pay them enough, they can put your pants on,
you know. And same with the relate And that's just been really freeing for me, and it's nice to hear that that's been helpful for y'all as well. Hey, BA Fam, we got to take a quick break, pay some bills, and we'll be right back. Welcome back, bea Fam. Let's get back to the show. Okay, So the podcast, is this your first season doing it?
We're going into our second sees, this.
Is your second season. Okay, So can you tell BA Fam, like who's your ideal listener? Like, who do you want to reach and who's the podcast for you?
Go first ideal listener? Huh? I mean obviously, I mean, but not for nothing. So again, it's marriage and money, so we don't just hone in on relationships. I mean, your average teenager can tune in and hear some advice on financial tips. Right, So I would say everyone just tune in and get what get from it, whatever you think is good for you.
Yeah, we have we have married people listen and just kind of chime in or ask questions, or they've sent us letters just saying, oh my god, you are me and I am you, you know, and how we delt with that and how transparent you guys were about that really helped me figure out where I am. But we've also had a lot of single people say I watch because I recognize I have to become the man to marry the woman that I want, or I have to myself as a woman to attract the type of man
that I want. And so what do they say, being in the room is half the battle. So watching the podcast is half the battle, you know, to understanding the psychology of your mate or your future mate. If we just to understand instead of behard. God. So it's fun, is fun, like hats off. It's fun. You're gonna learn a lot, you're gonna laugh a lot, and it's in sider us you won't get from TV. I mean.
And that's another part of why we created the podcast, right, because we knew there was a certain audience we weren't touching that needed to hear the other side. Get You get the ACTV side, but you also get a whole other side that you do not see on at TV because they edit it out. You know, we've had folks come up to us and even those that come on the show, you know, if they've ever had hesitation that
Washington go oh, I can do this. And I'm saying that to say because our show, Yeah, we go there, but it's such positive energy. You know, we're there to inspire, share our experience, share the couple's experience, not to tell you what to do. And this is how it's supposed to be done. Because we don't do that, we don't know that. We're still you know with forever learning, right, Mandy, what.
Our podcast should be called is figuring it the hell out.
I would tune in immediately. Money and marriage is just like oh ew I mean like marriage is hard. Money is well for me. I love talking about money and marriage to me is a challenge. But it's almost like the two most conflicts, like the two most like emotionally charged topics in a relationship. I know we don't have
a lot of time left. So I did want to ask y'all, just financially speaking in your relationship, what are some of the if you can, like pinpoint a couple of lessons to leave be a family with some gems on, you know, learning how to talk about money in your relationship and do that in a healthy way.
Well. So money can be a love language to some, but it can also be the kiss of death for others. You have to understand how the other person grew up, right, And so some folks grow up where they just their family just doesn't talk money because it's a stress work because they don't have any you know, I don't everybody don't talk to me about it. I owe everybody, uh, And so it can cause a level of discomfort. It's also one of the top reasons. So it's not just
stop marriage the stop relationships. It's one of the top reasons that relationships fail because you know of either financial infidelity or you know, feeling like the egg the yolk is unequally balanced, if you will, and resentment grows awful. So for us, it's about developing a love language that's comfortable for everyone around money so that you can grow together.
So what does that look like I'm talking like bitcoin or like do you just mean you're talking like do you guys have schedule time to discuss.
You know, let's we call it taking a seat at the table. So in our house, we you know, in our kitchen, we got this great, big table and all the bills we'll just laid out. Our financial plan will be laid out. What ever, we try to bring it to the table when one of us has a concern or has made an expenditure or done something the other questions. But we compartmentalize our lives in this way so that we know that when we show up to the table,
this is what we're talking about. The conversation might get a little bit uncomfortable, but that's what we bring it to the table for. But then any other time we're not talking about that. Why because you know, we don't need to talk money all the time. But we don't the same page. If one of us passes away, what is the other one going to do? Have we made provision? You know? Do we have instruction? Have we thought about that? You know? If both of us leave this earth, what
happens to our kids? You know, these are the conversations people are often not comfortable with having with the other just because it just feels very uh.
But at the end of the night, it's like I'd much rather just sit down and binge watch old episodes of Living Single with you than sit here. And so you go for what's gone comfortable, like we're really going to spend the fifteen minutes we have. It takes it to a discipline.
Comfortable with making more money, saving more money, or financial planning for the security of your family. You know, look, we're not financial advisors either. But as a matter of fact, I grew up my early part of my life we were on welfare. You know. My mom was eighteen when she had me, nineteen when she had my sister. And so if I can do it, if he can do it. He grew up with a single mind, no father. You know, he also grew up in the project. If he can do it, if we can do this, then anyone can.
And it really is not rocket science, you know, it's just about being in the room, getting the information and using it.
I would say this as well as a couple. And again, like you said, even beyond marriage before that is that understand that you don't know it all right, And be okay with that. It's okay to reach out to financial advisors. It's okay to reach out to an eldor or a
mentor that can help you. Right, Because you don't want to sit there at the table or wherever you've made meet up and feel like you're either hiding things because you don't know it, or you just don't know it and you're being prideful and you don't want to say anything. So don't be afraid to reach out for those that know more than you.
Yes, ma'am, I know what you're thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah again about that living single? So you know, so let me just approach you this way.
Okay.
This sex is so much better when you don't have to worry about finding.
Just any sex and just the sex happens. It's probably like a direct relations, like a direct yeah one thing because I did have a thought, but now I done lost it. No, I wanted you to oh man, And the same way if I have a joke, I gotta say it, ah, damn it.
What were you.
Saying, mom, when you're talking about marriage? This is also like postpartum brain. Okay, whatever I was gonna reach out to? Oh right, Oh, thank you? Yes, I really want to ask I've been asking this of guesses. Tell me how you stack your money team, Like who's on the team, because you guys said that you know with your I don't know if it was your second or your third daughter. You you're you know, after going through that like not great couples therapy experience, that then you were like, we
need to build a team of support around us. So can you can you talk a little bit about that? Because there is this missed I believe this misconception that it's just you two against the world when really you need Hopefully you're going to tell me that we need help, right, Okay.
Have a lot of money, you don't. You don't have to have a lot of money to get a financial advisor or to build a team. You don't. You can start from where you are with what you have, and just what you really do need to do is develop discipline. But for us now, this phage, you're not phase in our life. What you what I recommend is you get a financial advisor. Make sure the reduciary. Here's a difference, fool.
Yes you're speaking my language, work in our best interest, no commissions.
Right, So you get yourself a conduciary financial advisor and manager. You also need an incredible CPA. That's important because it's not about how much you earn, it's about how much you do.
Do you guys have the same CPA, Yes we do, okay, gotcha?
And so you know, having a CPA that can help you leverage and keep and you know, use tax havens legal ways that the rich are not. You know, you want to know that even if you only make twenty dollars, how do you keep the whole twenty dollars? You know, when you hear about people who don't pay taxes, it's not that they're skirting it, but there literally are legal things, in legal ways and tax havens that will help you keep more money in your PODCET. The other thing is
using insurance as a tool to grow wealth. Just because you don't have a million dollars in your life doesn't mean that you can't ensure that if you need that. You're significant other or your children don't have it. You know, when you're gone, just don't tell them that that you're better off there.
And then so life insurance okay, gotcha? Okay, yeah, you know.
Build your your financial dream team if you will. But those are just three to have on your team. A good insurance person, you know, a great CPA, and a good produciary.
But what about with like the day to day duties and things that for us as a couple, it's just like, do we need to be doing the on ourselves? Do you guys spend a lot on like the domestic kind of help. Do you spend on extra childcare, nannies, tutors.
That's exactly where I was getting ready to go because a lot of people are like, yeah, financial sounds good, but I can't even afford to get out of the house because I have kids. Right. So we also have an amazing support system. I mean when we moved here, several of my family members moved here, including my mother right away. It's not right away, but they we do tend to suck amenda we're doing, and they understood that
they don't need some help. So we are only able to do all that we do because we do it in peace, understanding that the girls are fully safe and okay those who raised us exactly, So we have that around the house. Yes, we have the landscape or we have the pool guy. We have people that allow us to be able to again, be creative, go out and break the deals and get the deals. Otherwise it just wouldn't work.
However, I recognize what you're saying. Man, you know there's folks watching who don't even have family. We don't have that support. And so again, how do you start where you are? And the reality is, if nothing else when, then we are resourceful? Right we are? We are resourceful.
And so there are home pods, there are networks of single mothers, there are networks of you know, mothers out there trying to get their life that if you team up, maybe maybe you can't afford a nanny by yourself, but maybe if you and two other or three of the or stay at home moms or mothers who want to get back out into the work sphere team up together together, you can afford a full time nanny. Right. And it's just a matter of whose house or the kid's gonna
be at this week? Go who's you know, where's the people to watch the kids? Which is the safest house, which is centrally located. But then together again, that's what I say. We can do a lot on our own, but we can do so much more together. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and I do believe it's
called the Brown Ambition Podcast. I do believe as Brown women, we often think that we have to wear an s on our chest and be all things to all people, and that it's all almost blasphemy when we say I can't do it or I need help, and we have to stop that, you know, we just have to stop that because it's unrealistic expectations for us to live up to, which is why mental health issues are at an.
All time high.
So if you need help, if you need resources, guess what we have so much at our fingertips that you can find a support group. You can find a Facebook page or Facebook group of people just like you feeling the same and asked for the help.
You do research on them. You can't trust everybody.
Yeah, well yeah, right before the end, we know. I think that's beautiful. I have what I call a sister wife, only you know, not the weird husband part, but just she and I together, and I told her, I'm like, every Sunday we need to have a talk. What do you need? What do you need? What deadlines are at school? Did I forget about? I just love that message. I hate that you have to go but it's been so
wonderful to get to know y'all. Thanks for sharing your light with me and such great vibes and giving me just all these gems. Oh yeah in the b BA fam, not just me, but thank you so much for the gems.
Get your son some pants.
I sent him with pants. They were in the bag. They were I had an idea, you know, I had ideas of clothing for him, like just the yeah, yeah, yeah, it's it's fine. Where can people find y'all? Where can we listen to I'm assuming Marriage and Money is wherever you can get your podcast, including this one. If you're listening to BA, just go ahead click over, download their show, make sure you follow it, leave a review, right, I know how it is.
Look Egypt and Maje on YouTube all days Egypt and Mike Wednesday nights, eight Eastern, seventh Central, you can watch Marriage and Real Estate. You can also stream it our stream on Max as well, and then Indigo Road our home furnishing line. You'll see it in stores next month. We're gonna be in more than three hundred. Jason Plenis stop.
Really we didn't even talk congratulations.
On our side.
I love that name Indigo Road.
We didn't.
We could have talked for hours. You gotta come back, will you come back? I just signed with iHeart and they have a studio in New York and Atlanta. So maybe the next time I'm in Atlanta.
Come see you in person.
Thank you all right, thank you all so much. Well here, you can do that what I.
Used to say on the stupid make extra money. That was my first real business.
That's so sweet.
Thank you.
I'm gonna take you up on that. Don't be a surprise like that would be amazing. Okay, y'all gotta go, you're busy, Okay, va fam thank you so much for listening to this week's show. I want to shout out to our production team, Courtney, our editor, Carla, our fearless leader for idea to launch productions. I want to shout out my assistant Lauda Escalante and Cameron McNair for helping
me put the show together. It is not a one person project, as much as I have tried to make it so these past ten years, I need help, y'all, and thank goodness I've been able to put this team around me to support me on this journey. And to y'all be a fam I love you so so so so much. Please rate, review, subscribe. Make sure your sign up to the newsletter to get all the latest updates on upcoming episodes. Are ten your anniversary celebrations to come, and until next time, talk to you soon, ba bye.