Hey, hey, hey, we're black. We're back bread ambition, ambition, ambition. Hey marew how you doing girl?
Hello, welcome to the farm. I'm I'm doing good. I'm just a working woman in America. My employer doesn't provide me a nice place to pump, so I got a pump on the are y'all. Oh, So if you hear little mechanisms in the background, just know that it is mother nature creating.
I love that women be literally so dope that you produce your own food for the babies. You don't know why.
And they questioned it, like last night, my in laws came because they've been helping out with the baby, and anyway, the conversation of how big he has gotten came up and what are you feeding him? You must be doing more than milk. I'm like, actually no, and you know, he's four months now. So people start trying to like test to see how I feel about solids. I'm like, do not try to tell me that, but just a little bit of oat milk and his bottle, the mill
his bottle. Yeah, No, you can't give him water because he has a hiccups. Nope, you sure can't.
Yeah, because how do babies how old do babies have to be before they can get water?
Well, I mean the advice is six months and beyond, but even no, no, even after six months, their primary their their liquid should be breast milk, I think, or like formula. Yeah. Yeah, And it's so funny because like I had a kid not that long ago, and even I'm just like reminding myself google it real quick. What is the women again? What can I feed him? And when? Because not me in the dark at like three am, stuffing an uncrustable down my gullet because I'm starving, because
breastfeeding makes you hell hungry and thirsty. Yeah, holding an infant who I don't know yet has if a peanut allergy or not, and I'm just like I'm gonna eat this real fast. I'm trying not to touch you.
Oh that's right, because peanut allergies are not just ingested, it's like literally like in your like in the air.
Okay, there's just so many ways to soild.
I tell you, My sister, like she sent me this video and she was like, this is how I feel. It was this video of this woman describing being a working mom. She said, first shift is your actual job, which wears you all the way out and you are depleted. But oh no, no, there's second shift, which are your children or child And she said, so now you have to and she's like, second shift it's the most important shift. Meanwhile, you're already depleted navigating taking on this job of like
raising and did you eat? And then someone said, oh, you forgot about third shift if you're partnered, because you know they want to hug and dinner and you good. She was like, I I can't imagine first, second, and third shift every single day. I'm not gonna lie. I think one of the reasons why I delayed trying to start a family is because I taught preschool for so long and I could not imagine loving on the babies as much as I did, and then somehow going home
and having anything left over. I can imagine it.
Yeah, I mean you're kind of describing like I know, you said working moms. But my husband, you know, he has to he has such a long day because he's a communterer. He commutes to the city. And I think that in the first years of parenthood it's and you know, I put myself in the category too. We're pretty hard on dads. Making fun of them. You know, they don't
do enough. And it's true because like, society has not prepared a lot of these men to be an equal partner, and it's up to us to beat it into them so the next generation can be different. Congrats to anyone who marries my boys, You're welcome. But anyway, but like, but I have to sit and acknowledge, like, you know, he gets such a short end of the stick. I'm an entrepreneur, you know, I work at home. I could
take a quick nap if I need to. Enrique, he gets up at five thirty two, and usually Rio, my oldest, is sneaking into our bed around between one and three am. And he doesn't just come in and snuggle up, and like, oh, I just want to be next to mommy and daddy. He roasts my husband, like physically roasts him, like kicks him, and it's only him, not me. He leaves me alone. But I just hear them fighting like an old married couple over the sheets, over the pillow because he wants
to have the same pillow. And then he's kicking daddy and I'm like and and Regue is livid. But it's a three year old. But he is such a little asshole. Why can I say that? Yeah, And like in kicking Enrique and he can't sleep and he's not feeling. We're both like sharing a cold right now. So I know at some point he went to the couch last night. But when I woke up, when I got up to get him up because he wasn't hearing his alarm, he was back in the bed, So I don't know what happened.
They must have made up. But then he's got to commute an hour and a half to Manhattan do that work all day. He leaves at five thirty because he's been doing like this overtime because you know whatever, things are crazy, and then he'll get home six thirty seven, and then I'm like, hey, can you do you know? Can you do this?
Da da dad?
You know? And then he handles bedtime for Rio and maybe we talk to each other. We're like see yeah at like nine o'clock, back to school time, back to work time. For him, it's been really hard, like on a relationship. I'm just looking at him sometimes and I'm like, you, like, we married each other, you like you like me? Right?
You like think about me? He's like, but we're both just in it, like you're just you know, and I think so, I yeah, I just want to acknowledge that he has got a really, really tough day and having help is essential, you know, and having his parents finally, but providing childcare, you know, has definitely helped. But yeah, we're I.
Just did myself. The women like single moms, oh my god, Like what does that even mean? What does it mean? How does it mean?
Well? And if you like just not having to do it alone, you know, it takes it really does. Find your village, make your village. Yeah, these day and age, you got to. I had to make my village. I don't have a bunch of family near here, so that has my neighbors. Like I've mentioned my neighbors before, but Auntie Lynn down the street has come many a morning to come watch the baby for me so I can take, you know, my eldest to daycare, just because you know,
I didn't. I didn't get lucky with him being awake, he was zonked out. I didn't make come up, you know. So my neighbors, family, friends, et cetera. There's just so much.
It's like you're talking about just the physical components, you know, and we've of course you talked about the financial components, but there's like the emotional component. So I always feel so bad, like when I do something and I leave the kids in a worse state than how my sister found them, and I'm like, okay, by, So I'll give you an example. I went to like this toy store and like the kids. You know, every kid goes through
your dinosaur phase where they love dinosaurs. So I was at the toy store and they had this big like t rex. It was like as tall as me, and it was like, you know, like making all the noises or whatever. So I had my friend with me and I told her, oh, record me walking up to it and petting it. So I said it to my sister so she could show the kids, like look at Auntie edto taming the t rex. This is q it goes well. So I can tell that Amelia Mimi, she is six,
must have my sister's phone. So I sent the video and she she sent me a voice note because these kids don't do everything. She calls me Auntie Otto because my African name is Adoci. Auntie Otto, where are you? What is that? And I was like, it's a dinosaur. But not a real one, because she knows extinct and live and everything. I said, what kind of dinosaur do you think it is? She wrote back, t rex. That sounded great. I'm like, yeah, Auntieodo did a cool thing.
I'm out here petting t rexes. Call my sisters just for a chit chat. I had noise in the background. A million and her are going back and forth because she doesn't want to eat dinner, you know, like because just why yeah, yes, and so I say, put me on speaker. Why did I do this? I said, Mimi, you know how you want to go see t Rex? You know the only kids who eat dinner can go see t Rex. Why did I say that? Mandy the howl that that girl released, I mean, oh, all her is?
I mean, because she really didn't want to eat.
And then she and then but she did want to see t Rex. So she was so upset.
I was like, so now, because she knows it's impossible, she's never gonna eat, which means she's never gonna see the t rex, which means her world is destroyed. I why she being punished for not eating? I guess a good auntie to motivate her to eat.
Karen was like, meanwhile, though you could tell seasoned mama versus like a because you know, a new bee. It's like, oh my god, what have you done?
Here?
Go care a girl?
I was like, I'm so sorry.
Do you want to come by? She's a girl, should be all right anyway. So it's like, but there's a lot of noise in the background. She's like, that's my dramatic child.
Uh huh.
You know, but I just I felt so terrible, and I thought to myself, how do y'all manage it? Damn? Damn? You know, the temper tantrums that are they happy? Are they sad? Do they have friends at school? You know, like, are they adjusted? Did they sleep well? Are they the level of worry that comes with like having this little person that you need to take care of. Shot you know, I mean, no, for for real, it's just show up today.
Does that mean? You know, it's just be real, let's be having one hundred Because that thought passes my mind every day and I have to do my whole exercise like, oh, it's a thought, it can't hurt me. It's a leaf floating down a stream. Just go to Dunkin Donuts and pretend that that thought didn't just like that's what they're you know, So yeah, it's fucking hard. Actually, you know what, I even go take a nap now that you've maybe
said I did it again, just like I'm sorry. I don't want to nip slip on the on the podcast. I'm almost sadden.
If you got to go to the video, you could have caught that.
I'm just joking, did I It's not cute when they're all gorged and you don't want to know what it looks like after you pump.
It's not cute. But I just think that, like sometimes when people talk about kids, they only it's not only so much of it just surrounds like how much would have cost me, which obviously a lot, but there are other things to consider, you know, Like I think about that, like, you know, as I've been dipping my baby tow into dating, you know, like I'm going to be forty four, and so that means the men in my range, the likelihood is, I would say eighty to ninety percent of them are
going to have kids of different varying ages. And that's what I found, which that doesn't bother me, because girl, I'm about to be forty four, like even though you have to Superman exactly, but also too like a lot of them their kids are like in their twenties or you know, like ten left and twelve or above. So I've just been kind of asking mysel so how young
is too young? Like there's definitely been people who are like, Okay, I've got like a two or three year old, and I'm like, oh, that seems pretty fresh, and also too, I just know how much energy you need to expend for that, and not that I'm like, well I want attention because it's not even that serious. It's really more so like honestly, your focus needs to be there. So I've just been navigating like what, you know, like what how young? So I'll give you the dep of this
guy who's kind of like interested. Hopefully he doesn't listen. Hey he's got like he did used the surrogate to have a baby.
And checking the pump. Sorry, that's right, he used.
The surrogate to have a baby. And so his baby's really young, like you know, but intentionally so, but also very well off, has a nanny, you know. So then it's like, oh, then it's different, is it? So you know what I mean? So these are kind of things that have just kind of come up where it's not just the financial component. There's also this emotional opponent because if you have a chilli old that's really really young, I've just been thinking like, well, I don't want to
take take away, you know. The preschool teacher in me is like, I want you to focus on the baby, and I have to worry about like me and like what I, you know, would like to do. And I'm like, if the baby's gonna need you, the baby has a cold, the baby has pink, I do that, you know. So that's that's just has come.
Up a lot. Foolish to not know that, not foolish, but naive to not think of that. And I know people give this show a lot of shit, as they should because some of it is so just bad. But I still watch It's the Sex and the City sequel on HBO. I know, did you ever watch the original? You're like not very into TV? I did.
I did watch the original, not not all the episodes, but yeah, because I didn't have HBO who had money?
But right, yeah, so I use my sister as max account, you know, because we all share and yeah, so her and Aiden the main character Carrie and her just for if you don't watch the show, because it was Hella Hella White for you know, and it has tried to
change and some hilarious ways hilariously bad. Anyway, she gets back with her former flame who and they're both in their sixties or fifties now and he has like teenage children and spoiler alert, spoiler alert if you have not watched the season finale, just mute the next thirty seconds he ends up. They end up breaking up, like and basically like he's like, give me five years. I need to be with my teenagers because his teenager like went and crashed a car and you know, really needed him now.
And there was a really bad scene when Aidan was crying in the car. It just was not really well acted. But anyway, and so they end up breaking up and he's like, just give me five years. I'll see you in five years. It was so weird, but just to your point, like that was, you know, that's a real thing when you're there's real life, if they're caretaking for, you know, a parent, you know, even.
It's just funny you say that. I'm like turn ten in my noser, but I'm like, actually, someone actually did say that to me. They live out of state, and they're like, you know, I won't be really free to move back to jury for five years, so not like, hey, wait for me for five years, Like we we can date, but it's gonna look like long distance basically, well relatively speak because they're not that far away. It's a few hours,
but still you know that's a consideration. But I'm like child who was living with me anyway, So I'm like, so I'm like, yeah, you're like great, but these are things that come up with I'm like, oh yeah, just a dating as like an adult adult adult. Not that I wasn't dating as an adult before, but it's just so different now because I found that like a lot of guys are actually finding like guess in their forties.
They're like, I wanna I wanna settle down. I'm like, oh, were you at twenty five, twenty where were you at thirty two? The very own serious not everybody want to get serious. And now that I'm like I'm actually like just kind of like light, they're like, I don't want to hear about that.
Raz yeah, it's crazy, like so that others could run.
Nobody wants to date light. Everybody was like, partner up and then get married.
You're like, yeah, where they were just biding their time until you know, older single women came on the market for whatever reason and did I want commitment or weren't looking for like something serious.
But I feel like as soon as you want commitment, they don't want commitment. But when you're like, I'm actually good, They're like, but wait, I would like to I would like some some commitment, please, more commitment, please?
Oh goodness. Well, I love that we're in such different, you know, unique places in our like in our lives. I could not be more what's the word that Bell uses in the intro of Beauty and the Beast provincial. I'm like, I am. I am so many women's like nightmare just like kids and pumping on the podcast and all this kind of stuff. I'm here to tell you it's great. I have so much fun. I love my life. But at the same time as not, I'll just love that you're in a different place in your life. And
since you brought up dating, let's get it. And I feel like I deserve a treat because I just coump five ounces, Bay Bay, this is too bottle.
You know what that means.
So give me a treat. How's your dating live, what's happening, what's the latest?
Maybe maybe act like I don't be talking her behind the scenes. She was like, how hasn't had.
An update in a while. We always have to like end the phone call because I'm like, save it for the podcast.
Waw I I mean I started dating a little not too long ago, you know, like at first I started off on the apps and I was like, I told you know, I told you all. I did a Black People Meet, which I was like, all your uncles is on there, follow them, and your daddy's talking about Hagar Hagarl, Hey Hagarl, Like it's really bad, Like, well, I'll say this Black people Meet, you know, like it's if you want volume, go ahead all the way. I mean, the
volume is unmatched. I mean they're literally hundreds of message I've never seen anything like it. And then you know, I'm cute, but girl, it's if you want volume and you need yourself esteem to be boosted up, just like the But it's the men there, it's most of them. It's just weird because one they don't know to take pictures. I'm like, sir, why do you have a picture of with a mask on our masks? Sir? Who are you
protecting yourself against? I'm like so many COVID pictures. I'm like, let's see your face, Jesus, I have the.
Grossest sick cough right now that I want to laugh so hard.
But I mean, there's been a handful of people. There was one guy, I'll tell you for example. He seemed normal. He actually was good looking. He was in his fifties, which is typically a little older than But I was like, and I feel like my range because I'm going to be forty four, my range is like thirty eight at the youngest, because thirty eight is like really young to me, but depends up until maybe like fifty five fifty six.
I don't mind. I prefer older than younger for me in the stage I am now, whereas before I felt like I preferred like younger, closer.
To my age. Not quite still I got her group back.
No, yeah, I'm just honestly, because I feel like I'm not I'm in thirty eight is really pushing it. You'd have to be somebody special. I prefer, quite honestly, like the youngest really ideally forty and me being forty three now, you know, but like I could go to fifty fifty five, fifty six, I much rather pushed upwards. So anyway, so there's one guy, let's call him Bob. So Bob seemed great. He used to play pro football. I was like, okay, and you could tell he's great physique although he's in
his fifty still really great. Shame dad of an older child. He's a teacher. I'm jad like, one child is off to college, one child is like middle schoolish ages, you know, seems like a great dad. Blah blah blah. We had one conversation that was like mind blowing, such a great, awesome, like really just like you know, like super smart. I mean, like all the things you could talk about. I was like, wow, I remember literally at one point I looked at the phone. I said, wow, yeah, spoke too soon. So I go
away on my trip. Bob is texting like, oh, I hope you're saved d you know, like and then his text get progressively for lack of a bread word, fresher, Oh no. It started off with me being like, oh, you know, like what are you guys doing today? Like, Oh, we're gonna go and make chocolate at them. You know, we're taking like a chocolate making class. I hope you say some chocolate for me.
And I'm like, hmmm, I.
See where he's headed. But I was like, okay, I let that slide, and then it just got progressively fresher and fresher and fresher where he just basically like outright asked for some and I was like, wow, sir, I've literally never mentioned, huh.
Some like picks or like girl and he knows you're in a different country.
I'm sorry, No, I'm talking about like, I'm like, literally I want some. That was text, not picks, girl sex. I just was like and I literally said somewhat and he said, oops, maybe too soon. Then I just stopped responding. I thought, oh, I know.
I just was like, we're having him on the website that shall not being named, or where'd y'all meet?
Yeah? No, no, that was black people meet, and so like I was like, oh, one, normal one.
I show a lot of horny old men.
I mean, that's really what I was giving. And I was just like, but what really shocked me is that the phone conversation was clearly that he was smart, passionate about like he's a coach, you know, a teacher. I was like, oh my gosh, like you know, like this is so the conversation was so great, there was nothing, there was no I'm and here's the thing, I don't mind being flirtatious, but I'm like, sir, i've never met you, I've never laid eyes on you. We're not I'm not.
So I initially just ignored him, and my friend Linda was like, oh, you should at least set the boundary just so he knows moving forward. And I just messaged him and it was like, hey, you know, although I enjoyed flirting, I'm just not into overtly sexual conversation with somebody who I do not now you know.
Okay. He was like say like, oh no, go ahead and go ahead no.
And he was like, okay, might have a good life. Basically he's embarrassed. No, but girl, I was like, moving on because you're way.
Too mature for him. He thought you were just gonna let him have an easy out.
Girl as his big girl in age at fifty five. And I was just like, well, I mean there's been like you know, I mean not that a ton of people slide on my dms but certainly there are people who I knew before who I did not know held interest, you know.
And so I'm just like, I catch, I'm you're talking about your rich auntie life. But that's also too, that's something like like my sisters worry about that, Like I don't.
I want. Of course, all your friends went to with somebody rich, and I'm just like, that's not a prerequisite for me, you know, Like no, My my rule has always been from when I was preschool teacher Tiffany to now, is that you should be able to financially take care of yourself and your responsibilities. However that looked. If you could do that on fifty thousand, okay, if you need
one hundred thousand, okay, that's your business. Like you should be able to say, hey, this is my life, and I could take care of my responsibilities and you live within the means of what your responsibilities can provide. That's my only rule. I don't have like a number of what somebody can make, you know, because I don't need anyone to take care of mine. And if ever I decide to partner again, if you got yours and I got mine, then together life is easier, you know, that's like my.
Rule of a project. Yeah, I do to fix anyone, are you No?
I just think like someone can come complete. I want somebody who's really good at communicating. There's somebody I like more than everybody else. He's really good at communicating. We practice something called radical transparency, which is if it comes up, it comes out. There's nothing that we can't talk about, which I really like. But I'm not ready for partnership now, you know. And it seems like that's the direction he's kind of like leaning into. He listens to the podcast.
So I'm just like, hey, when I tell my husband that he's thinks he's to put on deodorant, he doesn't view that as radical candor, but I do. I'm like, he's like, you're mean, I'm radically candid. But when you hand me the baby and the baby smells like pits all, I'm gonna need sorry, that's a that's a married ladies like.
No, but I used to love that because honestly, like Girall was like that. He'd be like, is that true now?
But you know that's married live. That's a level of you know, and then you want that like you should be able to but like I like this radical transparency because I can share I'm not ready for this, or I'm afraid or I'm scared, or I still very much love Darrell and I'm never gonna love you though I can say those things, you know, where I'm just like I feel like I'm not ready for partnership because quite honestly, I don't know what to do with this love I
have for Jirelle, you know, like I don't know where to safely put it so I can be open to like something else. So I'm not open as a results fully, you know, like certainly companionship and things are nice, but I'm just like I don't want to I don't want to release this, like and I know there's a healthy way actually have therapy tomorrow. I know there's there has
to be a healthy way. Like It's almost like when I bought the condo, I did not step foot in that kindo for two months because the thought of leaving this home that I built with Jerel was too much. And so it wasn't until I had to like in my mind place this house in the safe space, like this is always going to be your house, this is the family house. This house is not going anywhere. This condo is not your home home. This is another home, if that makes sense, you know, because one day I
want to live in a penthouse. One day I want to buy like some land. So this is one This is I rationalize in my head. The condo is not a replacement for home. It is part of a series of different types of living environments that you're going to live in. And so as a result, once I kind of was able to absorb that, like this is not replacing house, then I was able to go there, you know, after almost three months of buying it and saying, okay, I could see myself being here because one day I'll
be someplace else. But I have not figured out how to do that with my love with Jarell. You know, I haven't figured that out, Like what do I you know, And that's what therapy is for, because right now he still occupies all of the space for like romantic love, you know, or most of it, And so to allow somebody else in in that way, at least in a way that's like really hardcore, like a partner or whatever, or potentially even a husband. One day it's like, well
what do I do? Am I pushing out this love and I know that's not true, but your heart doesn't tell you that, so I haven't figured that out. So as a result, I don't want a partner, certainly like today it's a companionship. But I don't want a partner until I can safely keep this love and create the most beautiful box for it and to safely keep it. So until I feel that that, I'm not ready, you
know for that. Although it's so crazy because like all these the men who are not you know, trying to have sex on the first date, are wanting partnership, you know, and I'm just like, eh, I mean they all know I'm always candid about with them about like my husband passed away two years ago. But yeah, they're all wanting partnership. But I'm just like, maybe one day, but as it is right now, I'm just not ready to move into the condo yet, you know.
Yeah. Yeah, I mean I think it's also important to have that radical transparency with yourself so you know how you feel going into it. It's gonna make your whole dating I feel like journey or whatever that looks like for you a lot less painful. Yeah, because you're not like setting yourself up to attract these guys who are like looking to get wiped up.
Where I am I stracking them?
And you deserve to just have some fun. What's the fun. Have you been on a fun date?
Oh?
Let me see, let me she give some hope.
Well, just this weekend, I mean to me, I love like experiential. I mean like I'm not really I mean certainly dinners and things like that. That's cool, but like, well, also well this weekend the date we went to the shore, which is really nice.
Like the minutes you canceled on our anniversary, I knew a man without I knew, I said, I bet she has because she hasn't seen sneak, not a sneak healing. In a minute, I'm gonna get shafted. I wish you had given me the chance to like give me you know, I would have said, yes.
I went in the shore, which is about forty five been a drive from where I live, and there's a restaurant there that's like one of my favorites. It's like so delicious and great. And then like we bought a blanket because it was too chilly for the water but warm enough to like lay on the beach, So just sat on the beach to listen to music, talking which is so great, for like an hour or so, and then we walked around and then down the shore. There's
one of my favorite ice cream places called Day. If you're ever in like the Asbury Park, Neptune, whatever area, Ocean Grove, there's this ice cream place, this family owned and operated ice cream place called Days, like Days of the Week. The best ice cream I have ever had in my life. So we walked around, got that ice cream.
He'd never had it before. We were just like, but the shore is because where I live, you know, I live in the city, which is like high strung and hyper and the shore as soon as we hit it, it was so calm. The energy it was like it
went from hyperactive to like literally zero. So it was just like such a that was such a nice immersive date, you know, like going to the shore, sitting on the beach, eating at a really the restaurant was, you know, not some super fancy restaurant, but just this cute, beechy kind of restaurant, having ice cream. Literally just walking the neighborhood. We went to like an antique shop and like like, look, I'm looking for stuff for the condo. So that was
really nice. I'll tell you my very first date that I had after Drill passed away was with this guy and he was really nice, but I was so nervous and it wasn't just nervous. I also was really anxious about being out. But we went bowling, which was cool.
Yeah, yeah, I remember this one right. And then afterwards, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna date anyone in Newark.
Yeah, I was like I wanted to come, which is crazy because we were on the train and so this guy who I was dating, who I went on a date with, you know, he didn't know. I told him my name is Tiffany, I'm a teacher. You know. He didn't know anything else. And so but we were on the train and I saw a woman and I know the look of budgeties as you and I looked at her. So she looked at me like, you know, with the initial excitement like I about to say something, and then
she looked at him standing next to me. But she gave me to look like, oh wait, okay, okay, girl, I love Yeah she did. I tell you the dates that have been on that has happened multiple times and I love black women are top tier. Okay, because one time it was out walking with like this guy that I'm like currently like this gues's going out with more regularly now, and this girl was like, oh my god, oh girl, my bad, you're doing something. By when I
tell you, she was like, look me my business. She literally said, you doing so I'll never forget that because the way she looked me was like, oh so, but yeah, So, I mean it's been interesting. I mean so far, Like you know, the people I've met, I've been pretty nice. But like I said, I child, I don't know. I'm just I figure out my life. No, you know, but we're here for such a short period of time. I remind myself this all the time, that, like, especially whenever
I go to visit Darrell's gravesite. He is in a historic cemetery and there are literally tombstones I say, seventeen whatever, like eighteen, you know, And so I think to myself all the time that these like people have stood here hundreds of years before me, experiencing the same emotions I'm experiencing, and that although life seems long, it's really just like
a flash in the bucket and the entirety. Like nothing taught me that more than going to Egypt thousands of years ago someone touched the same pyramid that I'm touching, and that as big as my life feels like to me, it is a flash in the bucket. It goes by so quickly. So I can live my life aligned with what everybody wants me to do, or date this rich person, or I can just try and say, like, girl, I don't know, it's just a dagon day. I'm not gonna be on my deathbed. Why did I go out with Jimbo?
Like nobody cares.
I just love you and your advice and your mixed cliches.
The flashing the bucket, what is it, flo I have become drop in the bucket. When I tell you, I have become my dad, he is a king.
Oh my god, I know. I almost was like I give for it, but I'm glad.
I will always Oh my god, Rodney j why are you coming out of my mouth? Like yo? He loved to be like, oh my gosh.
The flash in the bucket.
That doesn't make sense. But I'm honestly just navigating.
That's it.
I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other and like and be honest, that's my big thing. As long as I'm honest. Adults can choose what they want to do, you know, And.
So older I get, the more I'm just like Buddhism is just like, I'm gonna study it more because a lot of these principles, like the cycle, the bigger than anything, like all these teachings is a whole part of it. But I agree, and it helps. It's it's that perspective. I think we all need that reminder on a daily the big things are not that big. Yeah, you know.
Yeah, it's a great book. Don't swam, don't sweat the small stuff. It's a really great book.
What's your dad's name? Well, RONDI Jr?
Take a break?
Can we right back with our boothster breaks? Ye?
Yes, and we're black and back and brown. It's time wait right, wait wait wait wait boost a break? Okay, it's time to boost up, break up, boost up, break up, boost up, break up? Boost Are you gonna boost? Are you gonna break? What you're gonna do? What you're gonna do? You want to go for a second, what do you want to do? Mane?
Oh, I just switched my break I just chose to break something because that just clicked to me what I was thinking about earlier. And I'm gonna need a minute. I can Okay, I'll go first.
You say you want to go first, Yeah, I can go first. Okay, I was up to you.
Okay, okay. I want to take a break from ozempic. Have you heard about oh oh oh oh? It went from being the commercial that always came on when I was watching CBS, I call it the Gael Show in the morning, to like this epic drug. You guys have heard of ozempic. You probably know about it, but little did I know. A couple of years ago, my doctor
tried to prescribe or did prescribe me ozempic. Really yeah, because I was struggling, I think, like a lot of new moms, to like lose the weight, and some of my some of my levels were not great and like my labs or whatever, like they weren't bad, but they were just starting to, like, you know, change for the
first time. And I was like, okay, really got you know, I want to lose some more weight and anyway, so yeah, and I had gone to an endochronologist to get my hormones checked and the endocrinologists who like prescribed me ozempic. And it was this shot that I put in my
stomach and I tried it. I think I had like a six week supply and she was very excited because my insurance covered it because it was newer and not a lot of insurances, did I guess at the time anyway, So this was a couple a couple of years ago, maybe three years ago, two or three tried it. I really hated it, like made mad, It made me nauseous, and I hated the act of like shooting myself in the stomach. I read that, And then now cut to a couple few years later, and people are losing their
minds over this weight loss drug. And if you haven't yet, there's a really great episode of the New York Times podcast The Daily about ozempic and it really just like lays the foundation for how did we get here where it's become this viral you know drug and every and I should have known we reached a tipping point because when my mom visited like a few I don't know, like early last year or whatever, she was like, is that ozempic in your fridge? Because that's where I stored
it you're supposed to store in the fridge. She's like, can I have some? And I'm like, mom, should we be sharing needles like this?
Like this?
You know, it was just weird and I can see the hunger in people's eyes, like, oh, this is a miracle pill and this is miracle drug. Whatever, It's not a pill, it's a shot. But I was listening and the more I was listening to this episode, I was like, I'm really glad that I did not choose that path for myself, because what's really frustrating to me is I feel like I have just arrived at this base in my life where I feel healthy in the body that I have now, which is larger and looks different than
I did, you know, five, six, ten years ago. But I feel and am healthy and I am happy, and I'm just I'm part of this new I feel like for millennial old old elder millennials, this new wave where it's about really loving ourselves the way that we are and looking for health, looking for you know, healthfulness and that's not attached to a number on the scale and having a good mentality around that as long as you feel good and you're healthy and things are fine, just
at the time when I feel like this freaking drug has landed like a nuclear bomb into all of this and all of a sudden, I feel like a lot of people are, you know, shifting and like, oh, but this this is gonna be the thing. It's like another It's another miracle diet. It's another beach body, It's another like Atkins. It's another fucking key Sorry Keto, but for real, f Keto. You know these diet things, it's this other
thing that people are going to try. Are you really gonna put a shot in your stomach for the rest of your life? Like, because if you stop doing that, it stops working. Yes, you know. I heard. If you stop shooting yourself in the stomach with this you know medicine, it will stop working. And so the same reasons why you struggled before are still going to be there. So I feel like it's just not like a long term solution.
And I just and I had to know myself because I started to even wonder, I bet I can get back in touch with that end chronologists and see if she could hook me up with more hook me up like as a like it's fentanyl. No, but like you know, get some more and try it again after my after I just had my my new baby, because I genuinely do have some weight loss goals with this one. But
I'm like, I don't want to. I don't want to go down that path for my own self because I have been on every like up and down of weight like many women in this country are, and I just know the answers are probably for me not gonna lie in you know another uh yeah, another drug or another diet, another plan like that. And yeah, it just makes me sad because I feel like I'm there is so much. Especially at that Beyonce concert, I just felt so like
Seene and their dancers. I still think about that one dancer with the crop short blonde hair and like with all that body, and I was like, her body looks like my body, and it's and you know, just and we're getting to this place and it feels like this drug and all the conversations around it are just bringing us back too and like you know, not having like feeling like feeling like we need to do something to change ourselves. So that's my that's my break this week.
No, it's I didn't know that it was an injectable and I had heard that you have to keep taking it, Like I wonder, like what how has like the market share that you know, like what's the financial ramifications of like this this drug? I'm sure like that. Do you know who makes it?
Like Procter and Gamba's No, what's it called Novo disc or No, it's one of those. It's a big pharmaceutical. It's like called Novo.
I wonder how like if they if they are privately owned, which I'm sure like and what they're to have their stock prices rose as a result. This is the type of thing quite honestly, this whole thing around like ozampic
and things like that. Like if you are in the market, these are the types of things that you listen for and you know, you're like, huh, this is something that this is how people kind of choose like where they might invest in, where they might place their money, you know, depending on like you know, because not everybody wants to invest in something like this, but I'm just putting that
out there. It's like a financial spend. But yeah, and then to for you to have to use it forever and ever, and that's that's a lot, Like I mean, as someone who was like, h you know, I you know, I'd been pretty much skinny my whole life until I was in and I put on like, you know, a decent amout like thirty pounds or so.
And person skinning is another person's like or one person's I'm not skinny anymore is another person's like gold, you know what I mean, Because there's no version of you that I've ever known where you haven't looked fucking amazing. And I've been like, dang, I wish I could be that size, you know what I mean, Like it's just crazy what we do to ourselves. But I was with ourselves.
I just you know, I just felt uncomfortable, you know, like with the way like it was feeling and sitting and yeah, and so like now that I'm down to like, I guess what I would call like why regular normal weight? Like, so just for transparency, because I'm not hung up on numbers. So I'm five seven and then my peak it was a little over.
Two hundred times I am triggered by numbers. Okay, so I will not share your numbers.
I'm sorry, Okay, I won't Okay, I'm silent.
But now it's okay, I'm really I have got a lot of like I've been like traumatized by this whole my whole life. Yeah, numbers triggered.
Okay, we know, Okay, good to know. So anyway, I just lost a good amount of weight and I feel like, for the most part, good about where I am now. I'm just like, you know, y'all know, I've been walking. I just lately I've been considering going back to weight training a little bit because I find that I yo, yo, because walking is not no you know, you have to like muscles underneath have to basically keep you where you are, you know, and so like. But the walking has been great.
You know, I've been doing that for like the last two years, and it has mostly honestly been about mental health to walking. And I was almost kind of like the health component. I was like, oh, because I never thought it was not my intention to lose weight with walking, because who thinks you could lose weight where I did not know that, you know. It was really just like I need to walk because I cannot sit in this house. Like I started walking after Jiroll passed away, just because
I had to. I was looking for peace, and I was like, it's nature it's sunshine, it's outside, I get to talk to a friend or maybe listen to a podcast, and inadvertently I started to like lose some weight, and I just said, okay, And even now when I walk, it's really not for that. I'm just like, I still walk my one to two hours when it's not raining like today, because it brings so much peace to me.
And it's nice to know that. Because I had a personal trainer for a brief moment, he was like, typically, it's so good for your heart, you know, Like are you gonna become ripped from walking? No, but he was like your overall health, like it tremendously increases your overall health. Like now I'm into like I'm such an old lady. I just went to this place in Montclair called Fleet Feet.
This is like where like if you're like a runner or a marathon or whatever, people go to get fit for like for sneakers, like and so not that they're not specialty sneakers, but they are really knowledgeable about depending on what type of sport you do, which sneaker you should get. So I like to go and so I got my if you were to see my walking sneakers You're like, you are now the thickest. So I don't care because I have plants as fasciitis, which is just flat feet.
So he's admitting for not admitting not but sharing not because I feel like all these some a lot of these like health concerns don't just affect overweight or you know technically like heavy people. Yeah, regular people have these types of things.
But yeah, I know I've been had flat feet girl African place, it was flat first. I have flat feet my well, because we never I never wore shoes like I just like my dad has the flattest. Literally, when I went to the foot doctor, he was like, oh my god, you got pancakes. I was like, I feel like you're not supposed to stick.
I have no art.
But as a result of that, that's what happened. I have a hard time with heels because you know that arch and then but like it was to the point where I could not walk around the house without limping. My foot hurts so much, and so I went to the foot doctor. He said, you have plants or fasciitis aka flat feet. He gave me the these insoles for my shoes, which were so uncomfortable. I refuse. I started wearing crocs. I got like house crocs because crocs have like,
you know, like they have an arch built in. Plus the phone feels so great. I started wearing Birkenstocks. I'm so glad they were in style because Birkenstocks are actually orthopedic shoes, Like the guy who made them was an orthopedic like doctor. And so I love my birken socks. And then I realized that if I'm going to do all this walking now, I go and get like, like they just I have a pair of New Balance and a pair of A six, but they're specifically for like
the foam and the cushion and the walking. So I'm just like, I'm such an old lady now, because you.
Know, like if they're smart about your feet.
They're not fashion. I'll just say that, like this is just for if you catch me in the street and you're like, what are those there? Mind your business?
Well, I've just gotten to a place where I to give you a sense of my journey. For me to take a walk just for the pure love of it, which is what I've arrived at now, has taken so long for me to take a walk and not think I have to take this walk because I had a sandwich for lunch, or I should take this walk because I am gonna eat later, or I need to start losing weight, like to make it like to have just move your body for the joy of it, you know, and for the way it makes you feel. That's where
I'm finally at. And I'm just kidding.
I love that here, Yes, I love that, And it's not.
Easy for a lot of people, like the mental That's the thing with the way that Ozempeic works. I really encourage you to listen to that episode because it'll teach you a lot about how it works. It actually blocks in your brain the uh it makes you stay shaded for longer, but it also breaks it also like stops your brain from thinking about food in some way, like thinking about eating and what you're gonna make and like in advance, you know what I mean.
M hm.
And of course also it blocks a hormone that makes you like have an app have more of an appetite. Okay, you know, so it it like it dulls all that down, similar to like how anti anxiety medication dulls doubts in the you know what I mean? Okay, So It's fascinating how it works, and I know it helps lots of people because you know, and and if you're on the brink of some really bad medical condition, you can be and you need something where you can lose you know,
weight to get better. All for it, one thousand percent. But yeah, I think my break is just about the impact to other people I know who are on similar journeys to me in terms of like your self love and your body and all that. To think that it could potentially like set some of us back, it's just kind of sad for me. I know it is.
And I'm saying, Wendy always thought you were so beautiful.
I know I am almost I always I trim my own bangs, and I don't like.
Girl, you always serve it face no matter what, Girl.
I feel so beautiful now I walk out thousand You know. I get hit on more sometimes when I leave the house than I girl.
We were at Beyonce, Girl, the looks that Mandy was giddy. I was like, oh and anohing one oh and another.
It was like, oh hey, yes, but anyway, thank you, thank you. But yeah, it's it's really just about how you feel about yourself.
Right, Yes, yes, that's true because you could be the most beautiful women in the world. And if you don't feel that about yourself then.
And I have been fifty pounds later looking at and feeling like, oh I wish I could lose twenty And now I'm looking back like what was I thinking? I'm done with that bullshit. I want to be in this moment right now.
I love it.
I look right now, yes, like that's the journey. That is it. That was a long ass break.
No, somebody needed to hear it. So mine is actually mine is a light light and bright. So so every once in a while I like to highlight especially women, know, especially black women own businesses, and so I want to highlight the lady who does my brows. Don't look at them now because they have not been done in a while. If you're watching the video bit, you know Farah. Her business is called me let me pull it up. It's called Secrets with an S two plush secrets to plush.
She's on ig. But the waightst woman, what does she do? She? I mean, well, one, she can certainly tint, she can use Hannah, she can do ombre. So these are like more permanent kind of like but I can't get that because I'm allergic. So she did a little tests behind my ear, and so behind my ear was like, girl, you tried it, so you also, you know, because I'm allergic to black guy, which I told you all about the story how my face blew up when I.
Died my hair.
So I told her, let's test. She's like, still allergic.
Wait, wait, but she's died. You've had your eyebrows died. You're not talking about like threading or waxing.
Yeah, no, no, she does. So, so I only go for waxing because I can't get anything else because I'm allergic. But she does such a I have been going to the same lady since I was fourteen years old. Shout out to Lisa and Irvington, a little Asian lady who's like, hello, no baby, I'm like Lisa focused one herberos.
Oh my damn.
I know. She was like an auntie. She's like, no husband. And then when I got mad, okay baby soon, I'm like Lisa, I just literally come here for my eyebrows. I don't care for the commentary, but from high school.
And therapists and business commentary, right.
And so Lisa, so yeah, so literally she was the first person when I was fourteen and then up until just.
A year ago.
But it was all the way in Plainfield at this place called Nails three thousand, the typical place you get your eyebrows and then nail salon. But it just was too far to go. And then my sister Kara was like, Hey, I got this groupon for this place in Belleville, New Jersey, and which is like not far from where I live at all, like literally like a five minute drive, and
I went and Farah won. She's like the sweetest woman black woman, and one I love when someone, you know, when someone really knows they're like like she was like, oh, what if your brows, you know, one of your you have a like I guess this is my left side goes a little high. She's like, so in order for me to even out, I have to do this. And then like I said, my eyebrows are really thin, She's like, no, they're not to you actually have thick eyebrows. You just
have fine hair. And I was like, I'd never cause you know, you go to the nail salon. Lisa is just like strip shit by I get out of here and have a baby. You know like Farah was like literally drawing lines on like she's doing a mathematical equation on my face. She's talking me through it. Plus she's just really nice and kind. We're talking like business talk as black women, and she just me it's her. Salona's beautiful,
and so she's just like, yeah, Secrets of Plush. If ever, if you are in the Jersey area, let's mob through because I'm like, I need her to stay open. Okay, I need to stay open because I'm where else are I going to get my eyebrows done? Her daughter just lashes, But yeah, she she's so all my Literally we all go now. Oh, my neighbors, my friend Rihanna, my friend, my other neighbor, my sisters, everyone, we have all switched over. Everyone goes there now because she does want such a
good job. But she's also really really knowledgeable about all things eyebrows, and she's just really kind and she takes her time, and so Secrets with an as two Plush. She's at two seventy four Bellville Avenue, Bellville, New Jersey. If you go to her the but Janisa, tell me about you girl, And two I just love like I
love to see black women she opened the salon. I think, like he's it right join the pandemic right after, and she's just like I want to make it work, and I want to see her do well, you know, and selfishly, I don't want to have to find a new eyebrow lady, so I need her to be.
A business brows. I mean, I don't do anything to my brows, but this is making me want to do something. She's just great, honestly, she just you know they don't like waxing, Well, you don't have to. I think.
I don't think she does threading though, but I mean, like that's something to ask, but like so much of a baby for threading. I know, you know, threading is.
I know I did.
I used to get threading and I was like, why you do hate yourself.
So you're insane.
It's so painful, so painful, like people used to. I did it maybe three times, and I thought I was going to be my paints with a level of pain.
I said, yeah, I'm appreciating that.
That was really my my boost. I want to boost another black woman in business who is really nice and kind and funny and smart, but also very knowledgeable and good at what she does. And her prices are like super like that's it? You sure? Yeah, secrets to Plush you can find them on ig They're located in Belleville's Tracy p r. Yeah. We literally all of us go get our eyebrows done there, all of us, my sisters. Yeah.
So that was literally literally and I just want to give another black woman a little you know, from time to time, I would like to, like, you know, because there are so many businesses that I you know, give my business too, and I'm like, you know what, this black woman can use a little extra, you know, boost you know, and so Farah is definitely one of them. So that was a hey girl, hey Farra girl.
If the girls tell yous skin girlies like you, yeah, they actually know what they're doing.
When I tell you, I have never broken out like I mean very sensitive skin. I mean like I can't even do anything. I literally I have a rash on my lips right now because I tried a new chapstick. Wow, I know, Like that's how honestly, like I usually only use birch bees like as chapstick. Because trying a new one, I was a girl, just do it, m M. And now I'm rashy so I'm back to birds bees. Literally, I have my birth bees with me right now because I have been. I don't know why Muskin is super
sensitive and like I said, pharahm super clean. I've never broken out with her, which is huge because it's a very easy place to break out.
I love it.
Well.
Shout outs to Parah. Hey, if you're taking ozempic or rather weight loss drugs, I'm interested to hear what your experience has been. I just feel like, yeah, I'm gonna stay away from that. But in the meantime, come check us out on Friday for ba Q and A and thanks.
Your questions you can ask them. Go ahead and go ahead on over to the Brownibission Podcast dot com and click like contact us or ask us anything.
Oh thanks? Yeah, we keep saying ask us anything, as if we still have our old website.
Yeah, contact us.
It's contact us. I know because I just went on there and I was like, maybe I should change. That's not lying to everybody, but hey, your questions get to us, all right?
How about you figure it out?
You got it or hit us up on Instagram at Brown Ambition Podcast on ig We'll see y'all Friday. Bye