Hey, hey, hey, we're bad, We're blad, We're but brown ambition, ambition. I missed you.
I missed you too, but not you slowing the beat down on me. I was ready with the choreo and then I couldn't find it. I'm looking like a fool out here on this on the dance floor. Hello, my dear, how are you ben? I feel like I need to talk to you like this because I was a vacation.
It wasn't a glamorous as the girls with.
Well, although I don't know I have a Cockney accent.
Well, I'll say this first and foremost. I had an amazing time. I don't know about Supergirl, but my forty three year old heart had an amazing time.
And the little they are itinerary.
So first we did London, London Town and it was super fun. You know, I went to the London. I had big bend Westminster Abbey's weather. Yeah, well actually it was really great weather. They didn't rain, not want you know, London is not known for its good weather. It was sunny. We said, a really cute place. And then too, what I liked is that we did high tea, you know, which, of course Supergirl was like, I don't drink tea. I
was like drunk. We took a chocolate making class. It was just like she's like, oh, y'all, y'all with teenagers.
Damn you took a grown and sexy baker.
Y'all, how you don't punch them in the face.
She's the kind of teenager that wants to go to a foreign country. So she could shop at Ah.
I mean literally, she was like, can we go shopping? She's like, oh, there's the Babe store. I was like, so this is why you can't yees. So she loved the shopping them and she was like, you know, she thought London was pretty cool, you know, but still there was definitely times where it's like, can we have Chipotle? I'm like.
No.
And then the second trip, so we did four days London, five days Paris, like four nights, five days Paris, and Paris was like we did like a dinner cruise on the River Seine. I guess it's called but it's really beautiful. We got super dressed up. I mean like one day I did love is that we like, you know, outfits were definitely hitting. I mean, like your girl was. It was super cute. She had an okay time there because I'm not gonna lie that was kind of adultish, but whatever, child, you said.
You want to have a cocktail on the river?
Sound yes exactly. So it was like, you know, I was like, I don't even have a cocktail, but it was I was getting my life. And then we also went to She really loved Paris Disney. We went to Disney Parish, which that was That's when made me realize, oh, she got a kid, kid, but it nicely. We had a ton of fun because we got one of those like skip the line passes. So yeah, it was a really good time and I think that was her favorite day. We also did the top of the Eiffel Tower, which
I wanted to strangle her. When I was like, oh, we're at the Affel Tower, she looked so unoppressed, like I guess. I was like, oh, because we have one of these in Newark. And then she was like, do we have to go to.
The top, like you guys have an Eiffel Tower?
No we don't, That's what I'm saying, like she's acting as it, but she was acting like girl. I guess, I'm like, sis, we live in Newark, New Jersey. No shade to Newark. I live here, but it's not giving Eiffel Tower.
She okay, yeah.
So I was like, Alissa, we're not walking were I like, some people do take the steps. I could see if she said, do we have to go to the top because we're taking the steps? We're taking the three minute elevator? Is that too much? So we did. We took beautiful pictures. Honestly, I'll just say I had a good time. We ated our first French cafe and POWDERI I was, this is your first Parisian cafe. She was like, okay, when do my friends wake up?
You know?
Because that was like her and so I will say this. That one the lesson I learned because A listen and I we don't. We didn't argue that we don't. We've never had an argumentative relationship. We're just listen. And I have always had very chill. I know how to give her her space. One I underestimated how much she would
be homesick. So I'm like, oh, poor baby, because she and her mam are really really close, and now that Jarell's not here, they're even closer, and so I underestimated how much she would really just miss her mama, so I understood that, you know, because mama is home and two and like you know. And then lastly we finished up in Italy. We did the on Mafy Coast. We
stayed at Sorrento. We took like this boat cruise and got to see like the coast and like get out and shop and eat gelato and like sit on the beach. She was like, Italy was my least favorite. I was like, really because it was pretty amazing. Literally our hotel was on the on the water, and she's like, wow, it's pretty.
I was like, oh my god, is that a wow? So, but what I realized is that one Alyssa has not traveled a lot, Like you know, Jerrell and I had taken her to Florida in California, but not like extensively. So it to go from we've been to Florida twice to we're in a ten day vacation with me just me and you sharing a room because Alyssa does stay of me one to two weeks set of every month here like at the house, but you know, she has
her own room, she moves about. I'm just basically here to make sure she eats and does so you know, I don't have to check on harm to due to her homework. She likes pretty self sufficient, so you know, sharing a room, you know, being in close quarters, which it wasn't bad, it's just different, you know. So I just I didn't anticipate how different that kind of like interaction would be for her and how much she's missed
her mom. I think it would have been easier if the time zones weren't so different, because she would have to wait six hours before she could call her and just be like, hey, mam, see her face you know.
So yeah, yeah, So I would have been cuter if she could FaceTime the girls at home.
Yes, yes, I think that, you know, and also too that, like I mean, if I would have because I used points. If I'm being honest, shout out to Amex, Hey girl, you need to sponsor us. So I use AMEX largely for my business. I have a Gold card, but I don't use it as much I typically like, I have
two businesses that use the AMEX card. And what I like about Amex is that my Gold card and my two Platinum cards, all the points accumulated accumulate into one bucket unless you otherwise ask them to separate the bucket, so they accumulated into this one bucket, and that bucket had over a million points, so I didn't really have to come out of pocket like I, you know, from the taxi rides or the rise that we preordained from all of the the activities like I used my Chase
for remember Chase Go get your run, like the Chase venture card that we.
Used to call Nope, Nope, still not still not chase. You're conflating the capital one venture with the chase. What you call the good the chase good, it's the chase that fire results.
Yeah. So that card had like two hundred something thousand points or so. And so a friend of mine, Tory, helped because she does like luxury vacation, so she helped me book all of the excursions and things like we made We made pasta in Italy the best I oh my goodness, on like a farm that like picked, like the tomatoes fresh it was. And we made tara massou there girl, it was the best tasting. So that was amazing.
She did enjoy them, and so, you know, so she like all those types of like like I said, we did chocolate, making high tea. We had all these excursions
and fun things that we did. So she used my Chase points for those things because she said that the choices were more robust there, and then she used MX for the hotels, and then I had United Points because I flied so much with the United that she used that for the for the flight, and so it was just great because if I'm being honest, that trip was probably if I would have paid out of pocket, because we did, I wouldn't have paid this out of pocket
because but because it was points, it probably was at least fifteen thousand dollars honestly, I know, like because we flew first class, which is business, so you know, but I didn't have to, like, you know, normally if we were going I'm not gonna lie just because of the cost. I probably just if I was paying out of pocket, would have paid and said okay, economy, and I wouldn't have done maybe three countries, maybe just too because Paris
and London are closer to each other. But because literally it was just what I did pay out of pocket was just like the food and things like that, which was fairly nominal relatively speaking, because two of the hotels had breakfast included. But it's like. Honestly, it took as a like for those of y'all who are like parents,
you know, especially the kids you gave birth to. It took me maybe like a day or two to to remind myself that I am allowed to have a good time even if she is adjusting to the fact that she's not home. Do you know what I mean? Because at first I felt bad about I am. I am I free to have a good time if she's having if she's still trying to figure out how she feels about where we are, because I'm like, girl.
Get my life, you know. Yeah.
And so once I was like, Tiffany, it's allowed you are here to continue to check in on her, to help, you know, expand her like view of the world, to show her like we went to the Palace of Versailles, which is gorgeous. She didn't like it so much, like the because we walked the gardens and she was like, he hate that. But one day she'll look back and look back at all those pictures and be like, wow,
I can't believe I was there. So I was like, it's your job to expand her knowledge, expand what she's seen. She might not love it, in the moment, that's okay, and we negotiated. I was like, tomorrow we're supposed to do this, but you seem tired. We don't have to do that. I can cancel now we get our money back and we could just chill, you know. So there were two things that we kind of took off the because it was a pretty packed itinerary, just.
Like traveling with my husband, to be honest, ah, and I feel like, no matter what the relationship is, travel will always present like a different version of the person that you never knew, or like you'll find new things about them and about yourself and you'll learn for next time. And you know, the first year of my relationship with
my husband at the time, I can't believe. I got a group on trip to Turkey and it was like thirteen days and it was one of these It was one of these like group travel trips, like a tour group, and you were on big bus and we went to six cities in thirteen days. We were on that bus every other day and it was kind of like napping on the bus. And I didn't know that he can't sleep anywhere but a sort of mattress that costs hundreds
of thousands, if not dollars. But anyway, a very expensive mattress with a pillow with a temperature controlled you know, air conditioning in the corner, and like, you know, all of his favorite things next time on the nightstand. So oh wow, I'm the fact that we survived that trip because me, I'm like, I will do any I will sleep, I can sleep standing up, I'll sleep on the hard dirt floor. I'm gonna I was gonna get up at four am for the hot air balloon excursion in Cappadocia,
because when are you going to be in Cappadocia? And I was like, how am I going to do with the guy who sleeps through this? He didn't. I dragged his ass to the hard hot air balloons. But anyway, yeah, so I completely get it. And I don't know, I was not as mature as you are in this moment, as like back then, I it's like this guy sucks and we don't travel the same and he's just like not in La da da da da. But cut to our last big trip to Portugal or No Costa Rica
actually Costa Rica a baby moon. That was like I was so proud of myself for the restraint that I had and the compromises and how we came up with the trip where we both could enjoy. Yeah.
So no, I like that because you start to realize that, like it's okay for people to have different because I'm not gonna lie. It was really endearing because Girell was not a big travel He wanted me like his favorite thing, like let's go to this nice place so I could stay in the hotel and watch movies like that. And so to watch her kind of do that, I was like, if that ain't her daddy like, So it was just
kind of like oh and I told her. And what I really really appreciated is like by the time we got to Italy and she was like really kind of like over it and tired. I was like, I know you're having a hard time. She's like, I don't want to see him ungrateful because I am really grateful and everybody, I guess she was like, you know, sharing her mom and everybody tell me I'm so great. It's just that I miss home. I missed my mom. I said, O, let's say you're allowed. I hope you know that you're
allowed to not love every single thing we've done. You're allowed to, you know, miss your mom, You're allowed to miss your friends. You know. I said, honestly, let's discuss so we could talk about, like what you'd like to do next time? How would this look?
You know?
And she was like you know that. She really aloaded, like I like this, and I was like, okay. But I was so glad that she felt safe to be able to share that, because I was like, I'm not going to offer any judgment. If she would have done this day two or three, I certainly would have felt defensive, but by then I had already remedied and rectified with myself. It is okay for her to have her own separate experience.
You cannot create what you want her to feel, but you can just create the experience and have her lean into it. And so it was funny like because at the end she was like, you know, I know I chose because she chose London in past, She's like, I know I chose London Paris, but I feel like maybe I should have chose Canada.
Girl, no shade to our Canadian friend, no shade.
But I said, girl, if you wanted to go to Caromel or we could have took the train there and back in two days. But I was rolling in my head and I thought, okay, Alyssa, because her birthday's coming up.
The wildfires and all.
I mean, she just like cause she was like, it's the same time zone as mommy. It's not as far I know, And I just said, okay, like you know, I told her that next time, we're gonna do more research on like where we're going and what to expect, and we can certainly stay closer like a Mexico or Jamaica or Canada until you feel, until you get older,
you get more and more comfortable. But I said, I'm really glad that you she said, But I am honestly really glad I got to experience this, and so, like you know, that was it was a really like I said, once I flipped the switch in my head, I had an amazing time. I mean in Italy. The hotel where we stay, which is so beautiful, that was on like the coast, so you can literally where you had breakfast.
You're like, oh, hey, ocean, you cute. They had a cistern hotel that you can go to because they had this beautiful private beach that was like a cold that you walk into and opened up into this beach that looked like out of a movie. And of course I asked the listener, you want to go with me? Which I was hoping she said no, and she did. I was like, yay, cause I don't want to sell it selling teenager sitting with me. So I was like, what
are you gonna do? I told the hotel like, there's the like the there's like a you know, the woman who was at the front desk. I'm like, she's going to be here, you know, by herself. She can't leave the hotel. There's no place to really go anywhere because it's private. I was like, she can go to the They have a little private beach at that one and like a pool or sit on your private deck. And I said, you know, you could order anything because because of MX, we had like one hundred or two hundred
dollars credit to the room for food. You know. I was like, you know, try to keep it under fifty bucks, like whatever you order, and so you know, and if you do decide to go to the beach at the pool, just FaceTime me and you know. So she was like okay, So it gave her time to also have time to herself. But when I tell you, when I got to that private beach called that you had to get to by golf cart, I mean gave me a picture to oh
my goodness, take me there. There was literally so it opened up like this rock formation opened up into this looks like an oval that you walk through and it's just like this crystal blue sea, green water and maybe like what's maybe like ten beach chairs and three or four people out there, So it's just I mean no kids. And first of all, Italians are so like romantic. All the couples were making it.
I was like, oh, I'm liking to South America too. They love a park bench and a makeout sesh.
So I was just like it was so beautiful. And then they had a restaurant like built into like the side of the cove with the freshest everything. I was like, I'll take it out the salad with a not I mean, it was so delus. The only thing missing is I felt like if I drank wine, I should be drinking wine, you know, but it was had a little glass of wine. But what I tell you, I spent like five hours there just looking at the water, wading into the water,
like listening to music. It was so I feel like I should get back because they're a kid back at the hotel. So I would just text her every hour you get yes, did you leave their own now? I was like okay bye. Yeah, but I was like, yeah, I'm glad to be back. But I had a really great time.
I think definitely years will pass and she'll look back on it, you know, and wish that she had been a little older. Yeah, and you know whatever. But I do want to say, though, the thing that she's discovering, which I think is really important, and I think it's I wouldn't want anyone to listen to this and think I shouldn't let my teenager or my young kid like go out and be homesick, because I think being homesick
is an important part of the journey into adulthood. It's like letting your tether get longer and longer like you've always wanted it to be, and then realizing that home
really is where the heart is. And I'm going to sound super cliche and like I don't care, but the thing is, like, sometimes I believe that we envision travel to be this like destination where where we go, there will be a better version of ourselves and our relationships will be better and we'll come back and you know, things will feel better, and you like vacations are, so you know, we'll just if we can just make it
to summer vacation, then things will be better. But then you go and what you find out as you come back and the same old bullshit's waiting for you, And like a vacation is never going to fix if something's not right, and it also is never going to replace like where you feel home and where you feel loved and safe. So I'm really proud of her too, for you know she went. I mean, you made it pretty easy for her that she went. But it just reminds me of how I felt. I didn't have near as
many comforts as she did. But when I started to travel by myself and get really homesick, and I'd be like, why do I feel this way? I should be so lucky. This is what I wanted. I bought this one, no one sent me here. But then I just realized, like, it just means that you've got something good at home, and it's okay to miss it at the end, Yeah, to miss it and to sometimes not leave it if you just are happy, yeah where you are, you know
what I mean. I love that I get it, and I hope that you know, we go to Canada next time, say some of those points for yourself to.
Yeah, oh girl please. We had so many like that, Yeah, I have like after literally as soon as we landed, after that, I took my sisters and I we went to Chicago because my sister Karen lives in Chicago with you know, her husband. Yes, And so literally I landed and the next scientist, Yeah, the scientist she's met to a doctor, And so we landed and we went and it was and said, we had such a great trip.
It was a really nice wine down trip because we weren't going to Chicago to like do Chicago we things. We literally just hotel, went to her house all day, the kids played. My sister Carol and her two kids played with my sister Karen's kid, Lily. They were around the same age, the same height, so they just played all day and then we went home in the evening. So it was really like just like chilling at home, but my sister's house. So it was really nice to go and have kind of like this wine down and
sister time before school started for all the kids. She was so happy that we came. We are there for like four days. And I use points to do that too, Like honestly, I never was a big I didn't really get like the point thing, but especially because of the fact that I have a business, I get to accumulate them so much faster. And I make sure that every trip I'm on, if someone flies me out or whatever, I always put my you know, my number, my United number.
I insist ideally can I fly United because United has a hub in Newark, and so that way I can collect you know, these points. So for me personally, I get to enjoy the fruits or even like if I'm staying in a hotel, I have Hilton and Marriott and so like if a brand wants to put me up, I try to get put up in a hotel where
I can collect points. So like now when I go somewhere, I can use like I like right now Hilton and Marriot, I both have three night free three night stays because of the points I've accumulated, so I can use that for my own like chilling time, you know. So honestly, like the financial lesson in all of this is that, like, you know, there are ways to kind of like like monetize your choices on the back end, so you can
use it to enhance, like, you know, your life. If you're if your job has you travel a lot, you know, and you're flying a lot. Please if you don't have you know, an airline loyalty, that's a great way to accumulate points, you know, if you're if you're using a card, you know, accumulating points that way. And also too, if there's a hotel that you stay at, make sure you
sign up for whatever that loyalty is. And you know, although because even though like companies would book me, it didn't mean I couldn't put down my loyalty number, you know when I got to the hotel and add the points to that way. So there's just a really great way to be able to to continue the good times, you know, like passive.
I love, Yes, I've been you know. I think the reason people get overwhelmed by the whole points game is that it is a game, but the gamification people are obsessed with this and that and the third and I just like the way you're doing it is how I feel like it works for me to just get the right card yep, maybe one or two yep, and then just do what you're going to do anyway, yes, and then reap the rewards.
And if you ever get confused, there's a great like the Points guy is a great resource. So there would be times when I wasn't really sure about a thing and I would just go on and like search to them, and I'm like, because that's all he does all day, every day, and he'll explain it really clearly, like Okay. Then I would call American Express and say, hey, I've read somewhere that I can use it in this way. How do I do that? You know? So like he's
like super deep dive into it. But to Mandy's point, I don't know how to do all that, just basic uses of use of points. Yeah.
Yeah, Well you mentioned back to school, and can I just tell you I became a mother last week. I thought I was a mom before, but I wasn't. Actually two weeks ago, two three weeks ago, when my mom was in town and we went to Target, and we went straight to the back to school section and I let my three year old he picked out a lunch box and a backpack. You know, they still make the
same little subject like notebooks. They haven't innovated those. They're the same, the five the five star five subjects, spiral notebooks, the number two pencils, Exo markers, the Elmer's glue. It's all the same. And he was and I had my little list on my phone and I was like, we need this and that and this. One hundred and seventy five dollars later, godly what.
And for a preschooler, for a rod Prie school, or.
Because you know, they wanted the you know, disinfectantn the hand sanitizer, extra supplies for the classroom, and he wanted, you know, he had to get brand new backpack, lunch box. He never had any of that before. But it was so I just kept looking at my mom like what it was. It was so bizarre because for me, back to school was like a really exciting time. I like to get the new Lisa Frank whatever stationary set and like my new shiny notebook, and I was like, this
year's gonna be different. I'm gonna have for friends and I'm gonna do good in school. Eventually that happened, but anyway, so Rio was getting his back to school supplies because he's officially a prekter, and we did, I tell you, we got so we had never had a lottery like a universal pre K in my town where I live in Westchester, which was really lame because basically every other town around us has it, or city or I don't know,
they separate these little areas of Westchester very confusingly. So finally we found out like the I think I was in labor. I was at the hospital when we got the email saying that there's going to be a UPK program and you can enter. And I was like, make me a reminder on my calendar because I want to remember this. And they were only they're only thirty two spots. He got in and he started on Thursday, and it's really close to where we live, and it's actually on
the way to his old daycare. So for and I'm in this group chat now with a lot of parents, and I'm finding a lot of parents whose kids had been homeschooled or like just had been home are struggling with the you know, going into school for the first time and like the anxiety and all that. And I feel like, for me, Rio has been doing really well and I think just because I had for I think the past month or two ever since I found he got in were we would drive past it, i'd pull it.
I'd be like, this is where your door is going to be. Let's go see if there's any decorations, let's see the playgrounds built yet, because it's all brand new. And and just seeing him, you know, get this huge backpack. They asked for a full sized backpack. I don't know why. It's like two thirds of his body.
What does he have a like a character or whatever on it?
So he chose the He chose a neon frog like design. I think he thinks they're dinosaurs. I didn't want to tell him because it was really cute, but they're like all the different color different frogs and stuff. And he got the matching lunch box, and then he picked out a little like Bento box for his food, and in true mom of a toddler fashion, what to put in it kept me up the night before and I was like, if you don't relax about what to put in his lunchbox,
I just had him decide. And luckily my husband's mother has been here the past few days helping and his rio requested tostes, and I was like, my little.
Dominican pace, does he say it with an accent?
Oh no, no, no, he's he's just but it's really cute. He's starting to finally learn something Spanish. But I was just telling my mother in law this morning because she was lamenting the fact that, you know, the kids don't speak Spanish and her other nieces and nephews kids don't speak Spanish. And I was like, listen, Myra, I promise you in my own Spanish telo prometto. I'm a Rio Francisco Santos. I can't have a son in the world whose name is Rio Francisco Santos and he can't speak Spanish,
Like what am I doing? False advertising? You know, he's going to be set up for failure, so he has to learn. But yeah, he asked her his toes and I made him a girl cheese and he chose that.
Okay.
He selected his own strawberries and he put them in his little bento box and he had a great He had a great first day. And I was like haggard by the time to him off. And I only had him home for a week in between, so for the parents would look like if your camp or your your school, like whatever you had your kids in this summer, if there was a gap between that in real school. God bless you. I toast to you this entire care off of French press. This is for us, okay, because we did it, no question.
The financial question as a result of him getting so universal pre K is something that's been into it for a long time. It means the kids get to go to school for free, basically because they consider pre K part of public school, which is free. So how much are you saving as a result, Like what were you paying for daycare? And for how much are you saving?
Oh? My god, thank you for asking me, because I just wanted to. Oh, I feel so good. I was paying two thousand and fifty five dollars for yes, a month, for five day a week, all day daycare, and what's all day time time from I would drop him off like nine and I pick him up at four thirty or five okay, okay, so like ninety five and yeah,
so UPK it is free. This is true, but the catches they have very limited hours, so it's only from nine am to two pm, which is a very short day and for most working Americans, like, nah, you can't, you can't do that. Not only that, but I live in a I live about forty minutes outside of Manhattan where a lot of parents who live here work for the proximity to the city, but you have to get on a train, and so my husband's commutes like an hour and fifteen minutes. So nine am drop off, we'll
get him to the office at ten thirty. Like there's just for a lot of parents that is not going to work. So for the low, low price of five hundred dollars, we can pay for a little bit of time, like to drop him off early and pick him up late, so at four thirty, so we're still saving significantly.
So that's five hundred dollars for the month.
For the month, Oh that's great, fifteen hundred. Yeah, and not only that, but I didn't realize what the benefit is is one of the biggest things for me that's become a benefit is that he's in a class with the kids. He's going to go to kindergarten. I love that, and then first grade and then second grade. They're all a little same school district. Yes for real, though with one of the moms made a Facebook group and when I looked at it and it said the class of twenty thirty.
Sevens Oh my god, my heart dropped, Oh my god.
But I never had the benefit. And I don't know where where our lives will take us. Who knows if he'll graduate from the school district. But and I was talking to my mom about this, because my mom was a single mom of four kids for a long time, and you know, one of her biggest regrets, she said, is that she wasn't able to be as involved with our school lives because she was surviving. And I don't
remember ever missing that. Like I would see the other moms who are more involved and just be like, Okay, nice cupcakes, thank you, miss Jones. But she's like, because I was starting to kind of, you know, think, oh, all these like back to school things and like the parents' nights and the mom group on Facebook, and she says, Mandy, you're gonna regret it if you don't invest and get
to know. And I'm so glad that she and get to know the parents and the teachers and stuff and be really involved because you have the privilege of being more involved than I did. And it's really true, it's
really true. So I feel not only are we saving the money, but it just it feels good and it feels like this shouldn't be special in twenty twenty three to have your kids in public preschool, Like it just makes so much sense, Like why don't we and why do we still have so many places where UPK is a special you know, announcement, a special treat or doesn't
even exist. So we're just very grateful and any parents who sent their kids off to school last week or the week before or whenever, just bless we survived this summer.
You should seeing Carol, you know, she got Roman and Mimi she was clicking her heels, honey because she was like, oh my god, and like they're in the school. I think the last year. That was the first time they were in the same school, which.
Is Mimi's a what kindergarten?
Now no, she's going to first grade? No no, wait, yeah, she's going to first grade. She was in kindergarten last year. Now a million is really smart, Like you know, roma be teaching her all the things she needs to know. Forget her mama, that's his baby. And so Carol said, like you know, if I mean y'all heard me talking about Roman and that a million a Millia is pretty like girl, I got I got it together. I'm smart, but and Roman can be a little bit timid, although
he's obviously super smart. She said that like one time in the middle of the night, she like woke her up. It's like mommy, and like right before school, She's like what. She's like, I'm scared about school. She's like, it's the same school you always go to. She said, yeah, but I'm going to first grade and it's going to be really hard. Oh I know, not dared devil. Amelia not let me give you my If you tell a million,
I'm gonna spank your booty. She towed it up, like do it as a side of a kid that never gets spanked, Like not that Amelia not mem talk to adults like she's grown and some. But I love what Carol told her. She said, Amelia, who won the spelling bee in your school? In your class? She's like I did. She's said, who's the best reader in your Custo Mills are really good reader. She's been reading since she was three. Because Roman, she's like I am, And she was like,
don't you know everything that Roman knows? She said, I do. And he's like, She's like, he's in third grade. Do you think third grade is harder than first grade? She's like no, She's like, so if you know everything that Roman knows and you're going to be in first grade, then you're going to do just fine. And I was like, oh, look at you, a good parodo. She was like, now
go back to sleep. But I just thought that that was like, oh, well, all your kiddo's going off to school, you know, like, don't forget to give them a little encouragement, because even the little tough ones like maybe sometimes need a little encouragement. But that's a teacher. Honestly, I loved back to school even though so I was like, oh God, back to school. But then I see all love my little babies trucking on in and what I do love, which I'm glad they're doing more of. It seems like
in school. Is that the same thing happens at their school is that you're in the same class and their school goes up to eighth grade, so they get to stay in their cohort from pre k all the way up to eighth grade. To imagine. Yeah, so like that's great for a kid like Roman. Who doesn't make friends easily because he's so shy. He wasn't scared this year because he's like this. Kids from last year, the same ones I didn't talk to, they're back, you know, and
so like I love that. Like I think cohort learning is is great because it allows kids who need a little more time to like navigate socially. It gives them that opportunity. So I love that.
As a fellow Roman. As a child, that's great. Because I moved school so much. It was it was, it was not happening for me. So oh well that was I'm glad that you had a good trip. We back to school, We back to Brown ambition. We are celebrating eight years.
Go to girl, Yes we are you taking me? I know we have to plan something.
I think we had something on the calendar for Friday.
I saw that.
I actually do I do hold.
For I know we have a whole I'm gonna have to a range track on that.
So every year has the last eight years meant.
Not to beside? I feel like when we do, let's let's have given let's do the sushi like what I give just kidding, Let's do a sushi class has like a fun like, yeah, let's make that.
I would love that, love it. But eight years oh my goodness, I.
Know we have a middle schooler. We have a broad and missing middle schooler, Cydebar. Before we jump into break Girl, I heard you had Drake on or whatever.
Listen when my little she told my little my little brother Alex was a guest on the show. And I actually listened back to that episode and I enjoyed it. Yeah, it was during it because I had to listen to him a lot, and I had to like, it was very strange interviewing my brother, But once I got through the weirdness of it, it was actually great. I think he's just a fantastic person, you know, independent of being my flesh and blood. But yes, see for yourself if you think he looks like me me.
Literally, I mean he doesn't like you, I be but literally, Like, it was so funny to read the comments on our ig. People were like girl for I mean, I was like, they got break because you know, I been calling Hi drink for the longest and y'all are like, Tiffany, you I told you grow out a totally Listen.
She wasn't lying, Okay, she wasn't lying, and like Drake, he has a lot going on and he is creative and fantastic. I was thinking about him and I when you were talking about Roman and me. I can't say I was as sweet to my little brother as Romans seems to be to me me. But however, that sibling, that sibling bond and competitiveness and is just amazing. So definitely check out that episode. But let's take a quick break,
take a little deep breath of woosa. Check on your Uber Eats order, make sure they got your order right and right back ba.
And we're bad and we're black and brown and all the things we have not done brown break, brown, Bruce in a such a long.
Time, such a long time time.
I'm ready though, right I can't eat, I can't barely remember a song. And now it's time to boost up break or boost up, break up, boost up break? Are you gonna boost? Are you gonna break? What you're gonna do? What you gonna take? I know, with my limited memory, you know, sidebarb, I think I might have ADHD.
That was very in now, yeah it is.
But I was thinking to myself like I was like reading you know some symptoms because you know WebMD, but honestly because someone had asked me that I was talking to, like the psychologist whatever. She was one of my mentees at my mentor Tiffany like my dot on my business mentorship, and she had come out to see me and I was talking, you know me, I'd be talking and then my brain goes this way, and then I would be like, right cause I'm Friday. I'm like, oh, that's right. You
weren't in my head think what I was thinking. And she was like, have you ever been diagnosed for ADAH? She's like, I'm not diagnosed you, but there are some things here And I was like, no, but you know what, that wouldn't be too crazy. And she was like, I said, you know, if it is, it's that good ADHD because
it got me. She was like, truthfully, Tiffany, in women, especially Black women, it presents you know, like, you know, not in this way that drags you down, you know, like to your point you know you've been able to be creative and motivated and all this other stuff. But I told her, my memory is like I can either remember like the most minute random detail or like what was her name that she just told me like five minutes ago, and so anyway, I had asked doctor Green
if I should get tested for ADHD. I mean, she was like, I mean, certainly you can, you know. She's like, as long as you're not gonna use it as a thing to make yourself feel bad about. I'm like, nah, but it might be helpful to say, oh, if I find out I do have ADHD, here are some tools to help you remember certain things or when I'm having a hard time pushing through it. I think it just might help. So as an adult, it's harder to get
like classified or whatever. So but I'm gonna work with my therapists to like learn like what are the how do I go about figuring out if I do? And then if I am, what are some tools and things I can use to help me with the parts that I do struggle with?
You know? So yeah, I just want to say you're yeah, your therapist wouldn't diagnose you, though it has to be a psychologist.
I believe so. But doctor Green was like, I can give you know, I can connect you if you She's like, if you really want to know, certainly, you know, I can connect you. Her concern was like, are you trying to find out because you're feeling bad about something. I'm like, no, honestly, I don't, like I would want to know because it's like, oh, so the fact that I have a hard time remembering stuff is that and that here's a tool that people use to do so or whatever. I'm not looking to
take any medication or anything like that. I'm like, girl, we're good, but I'm just curious because that would be helpful. Like, oh, that's why, because my.
Lot to be flippant about it, ADHD is like really, you know, like gaining like more awareness. And you're maybe the third adult friend I've had who I had two that have been diagnosed, and you're the third to like bring it up.
But yeah, yeah, but I know for some people, I mean, I know that there are components that are really hard. Some people can't navigate, some people can't day to day life is too hard. But she said that it presents
very differently in girls and women. She said, which is likely why you might not have ever been because you were so high functioning, you know, And so yeah, like if I do, then I'm like, oh, okay, you know, like what are you know, what are the things I can do to to help me with the parts because I remember distinctly. I remember I can literally see myself sitting in like it was like my math class. I think I was like either middle school or high school.
And I forgot something. And I remember thinking to myself because we had just found out that our math teacher was diagnosed with dementia, even though she was very young. I mean I didn't at the time. I didn't think she was only forty. But at the time, you know, forty in high school is like girl, you hold e the way. So when the people, the girls said that she I was like, Okay, well she forty ain't got
about right. They're like, no, girl, no. And I remember thinking, well, one of the reasons is because she was very forgetful. She would take attendance like three or four times doing out the class. We thought it was silly. She would forget names even though you know, so I just and I remember thinking, well, that's I forget those things. But
I don't have dementia because I'm young. But I remember thinking, Tiffany, I need you to remember that when you get old and you still have a bad memory, it's not dementia. It's just you. Like I remember this distinctly, like trying to burn that into my brain. So I wasn't like, oh my gosh, it's like so yeah. When I'm eighty years old and I'm like, what's he saying? Like you know she's old, I'm like, now I've been forgot stop anyway, go ahead.
I used to watch Oprah way too young. I'd be like looking at forty year old fifty year old women's problems and thinking, I have oh, okay, brown, boots, Brown, is.
You gonna boost? You're gonna break mandra.
I am going to do a huge boost because I am just so damn proud of one of my oldest friends. Her name is Julie Lone, and she is a children's book author. On top of being you get it's so good So Julie, she works nine to five for Disney actually in their books division, and she's been publishing for a long time. She and I went to journalism school together and used to work on the newspaper together. And she just published a children's book that's so so damn
special and adorable and beautiful. It's called The Truth about Dragons and it's the perfect red I would say for like Toddler's An Above and the beautiful thing about it is Julia is Chinese, her husband is white American. Well, she's Chinese American. Her husban's white, and he's not a cheese he's white. He's white and white Americans like what I ordered from Beach for her. I don't know. He's Caucasian anyway. And they have a three year old and
an eight month old. And it was during the pandemic when she was, you know, like a new mom, just like I was. And her son, Kieran is yeah, he has dual heritages, and so she wrote the book The Truth about Dragons and the stories about two different versions of what a dragon is told through the points of view of his grandmother's So the grandmother from the Chinese side and the grandmother from the white American cheese side.
And where could the girls get it?
Everywhere? I think it's published with Macmillan. So yeah, any bookstore online we can post a link to, like a good a good bookstore for y'all to buy from. But Truth about Dragons is the book. And I'm just so proud of Julie because, like me, you know, she's just one of those friends who've gotten so much closer since having kids. And also I got to see this book when it was you know, she just got the pages
back from the illustrator. And she's just always been really focused on her art, even as she was working nine to five. So oh does she know the writing? Okay, yeah, no, she didn't draw it, but the writing. And I was at her book launch it's really adorable book launch in
her where she lives in Connecticut, this past weekend. And there's just something really special about being in this age that we're at, like with my friends and friends that I knew, you know, almost two decades ago in college, but getting to see us reap what we've sown, you know, like to sit in the audience and see one of my beloved friends who twenty years ago is just you know, dreaming about being an author, and getting her to like release her children's book and it's not even her first,
but it just made me so warm and fuzzy inside. It's really fun to get to see your friends live their dreams in real time.
So I'm looking at this now, like I see I'm like, oh my gosh, look all these amazing reviews. The illustrations are just they're stunning, stunning, Oh my goodness, ah, this is just like and honestly, yeah, this is this is just great. Okay, So I love this, you know, you know I love me illustration. So this is and it's an editor's pick book for best book ages six to eight. It got to be an editor's pick on the Zong, so that's awesome.
It's doing really well. She's just brilliant and way too humble. So I love to shout her out. And obviously, Cocoa golf like girl, he won the US Open, congratulations a tennis but I know it was fat.
Yes, okay, I guess I like to thank my haters. I'll say, Coco, yes, gen Z.
Baby Snoop dogg. Girl like to save myself, think myself, me myself and I.
She said, you thought this ain't Serena, Like, okay, no, this arena, but you know Serena, y'all, y'all drag her through the money. She tried her best to rise a buve. Coco said, oh, we don't do that here. These young kids. Is like, now, yo, you're gonna get your licked back right back.
Yeah, yes, okay, what are you gonna do? Booster break.
I'm gonna be be because I've been feeling really like, you know, ever since year old passed away, I just said to myself that there's a big transition that I've been wanting to have, and I just didn't. I've just been in a weird space of like, I know that I don't want to do what I've done before, but I don't want to not do what some of the
things I've done. I'm talking about professionally, especially, so I've made some adjustments to like, you know, like I y'all know, I walk every day, take my naps, spend more time with family and friends. But professionally, I felt like I haven't gotten to the place where I want to be, meaning like how I want life to go. I want my professional life to line up more aligned with my personal life. And so recently I just kind of reached a fever pitch where I was like, I don't want
to do the budgetista in the same way anymore. I had to admit that I said it in therapy. I told doctor Green. She's like, this is the first time, and she's like, I've known this, but I've been waiting for you to say the words, And I said, I've been afraid to say the words because does that mean I want to walk away from this business. She said,
that's not what you said. But it's okay to admit the way you've been doing it, you don't want to do it because it's very face front, it's very dancing for a dollar, it's very busy, busy busy, and although I've definitely reduced it, it's not enough, you know, like it's been like a low key version of what I was doing before, and it's not enough. And admitting that kind of like it opened up the floodgates because what I was most afraid about was telling the team, which
I have because I wouldn't tell y'all first. It's like, well, what does that mean, you know, because there are people who depend on the business and everything else. But I shared kind of like the fact that like, I don't I don't want to not do the budgetista, but not like this, and I'm not sure what this looks like, you know. And I was like, you know, I want
us to figure it out together. I want us to navigate, but you have the space and the freedom to say, you know what, maybe I want something that's a little more stable. I mean not that I mean I pay you know, you know, y'all know I pay. I never not paid a meaning Like, I don't know what the ups and downs to come are and I don't know you know where the company is going to land. I just wanted to give you the grace to know that. Like if you're like I have to move on or whatever,
you could do so without judgment for me. But I'm just sharing that there's a transition coming and I'm not sure how it's going to land. And they were really think, thank you so much for being so transparent and honest, Tiffany, And we want to stay. We want to figure out what the new iteration of this is, which honestly, as a result of that, like we have come up with
a really good idea. And I'm just like, I wish I would have tell you something, Sola, and so what I would really love to be in the business stuff. So the part of the budget theese I like the most is the teaching part. Like I love showing up, I love teaching. I love I hate having to sell something. I'm like, oh my god, I hate this. I hate having to have a product or whatever. It's just exhausting.
I don't like that part. And I said, if it was up to me when I first started the budgetist to I did everything for free, you know, But then as you have a business, it's hard to do. It's how do you do everything for free but still have a business that pays your employees because they have to
be paid, you know. And so I thought, well, what if one of the things that we're really good at at Budganista is gathering insights about like the thoughts, hopes, dreams of the women that I serve, largely black women. I said, there has to be company. Well, I know for a fact because I see companies roll out products or services that they hope are going to land in our community. And I'm like, girl, nobody cares about that.
That's not aligned, that's not moral, that's not fair. And I said, well, what if I could give away, which is what I want to do all the things I'm doing with the budgetiessta for free and on the back end, because I already gather insights. Y'all give me insights all the time. We have surveys upwards of two hundred thousand respondents, and I use those insights to create, like I use
the insight to create geting with money. I use those insights to create the next literature challenge or whatever it is. But I was like, I know they're companies who also want to create good products and services that are aligned with this audience. So what if I use those insights to say I can consult, I can help for you to be like, this is how you're articas misaligned. Here's how you get align based upon the insights that I've gathered.
And so that's what I'd like to be in the business of ethical insights, you know, And so I don't know what that looks like. I'm not gonna lie. We just came up with this a week ago, so you know, I'm just over here chatting. But I'm excited about it because one of the things I'm sharing it because one of the things I've learned in business is that like to share the thing. And so since I started to share it in the last week, I've reached out to
like friends and corporate spaces. The response has been amazing. I was sharing, like, for example, like, we did a Liverature Challenge in twenty twenty three, which is our twenty one day free course that I do typically every January, give or take, and three hundred thousand people signed up, and we took surveys from everyone, and like I said, we usually use those insights just internally, like they want this,
they hate that, they love this. And so we have our next challenge that'll be launching in twenty twenty four January, and I'm like, are there organization's companies brands that are like, uh, I'd love to know what tens of thousands of women, specifically Black women. It's not all black women, because I know exactly who we're like seventy five percent women, and like eighty percent of them are black, but still the majority of Black women what they think and feel about
a thing. It doesn't just have to be a financial thing. The good thing is I'm able to ask any question, do you have natural hair? How long do you sleep at night? Like my audience, we've built like such an amazing space of trust and so yeah, and so like I've kind of shared that that and I've gotten such great responses to people who wanted to partner to see
like what I would like to know. So as I twist and turn into this new space, it won't really look that different to the audience because what it just looks like is more stuff is free from tivity. Yay, you know, but on the back end it feels less stressful. The onnus of me showing up and having a dance for a dollar is like not there as much. It allows the team to take on a bigger role, you know, and like me to just do the part that I like, which is just sir y'all. And so I'm just really
like like it. That's the boost. It's like, you know, sometimes you're so afraid of making the change that you don't realize there's actually more opportunity, more money, more whatever, you know, if you have the courage to pivot and make the change.
So, you know, for those of you who say that again for the girls in the back, girl, because it's just it's it is scary though, because I'm not gonna lie.
This is almost since the beginning of Budgetiesta. This is one of our worst financial years that we've had, you know.
Just before the budgets.
Yeah, for the budget Lisa, financially you.
Know, if you haven't wanted to, yes, you haven't been around as much.
Yeah, yeah, because I you know, like because if I dance for a dollar, you know, we're gonna make millions of me. We just barely will clear a million if we're lucky, which is like what for the Budgetissa, That's like unheard of. But it made me realize how much of the business relied upon me dancing for a dollar. And I think the team was scared because it's like, if Tiffany doesn't dance, what will we eat? And that's what I thought too. But I'm like, there has to
be a business where I don't got to dance. Oh you know what I mean. And so I was, but I was afraid to make the transition, and so now I'm just like I have to because, like I told the team, I'm not completely out of steam, but I'm just about So if we don't pivot, there will be nothing. So if we can pivot and make money in a way that doesn't require that, then I could just do
the thing I really like so much. And like I said, it's already like the the partnerships are already starting to tentatively form where I feel really good, like, wait, we don't have to work nearly as hard. I can just do this thing for free. I don't have to close a deal and have to be like by this like whoo, So to me, I just there's a lift and a light.
And so I hope for those of you who are listening, who are you know, thinking about making a pivot, that there's definitely like this space between where you are where you want to be, and you do as much work to get the space as close as possible, but there is a moment where it's not gonna get any closer, where you actually have to leap. And that's the scary part where you're like, Okay, maybe I could reach It's like no, no, You're gonna have to let go the
safety here and leap across this last little bridge. And so I've left, we haven't quite landed yet. We go see, but it's looking pretty good on this side.
So and you're not leaping alone. And to actually tell your team, you know, Roseen Logan and I can care like yeah, and Tracy assuming everybody knows yeah, tell everybody no, yes, and then realizing that you know, you can reimagine what your business looks like for you with these other with everyone's input, and because at the end of the day, you've got such a good team who wants you to thrive and survive, or you're not just doing it of course, you're doing it for the for their income because we
all got to eat right. But there's like a genuine loyalty and trust the same that you've built with your community, also with people who's who work for you and they want to see and I think that is you know, it speaks volumes of you as a leader and as a person and all of that. And I'm I'm excited for the new the newest, new chapter. You can heep have a new chapters every damn year if you want to, like you have permission, I'll do. And I think it's great that you're yeah, sharing that.
I'm just really excited. My biggest thing is like I was really worried that the team would feel betrayed. That's what kept me here for so long. If I'm being honest, I was like, oh, I don't want They've worked so hard, and what I'm saying is that we're making a transition where it might not work and maybe I should just suffer through it. So everybody and I'm like Tiffany, and it's so crazy because you have that in your mind. But when I told the team, they're like, girl, we
could tell you tire. We're like, what could we do to alleviate Tiffany, we're so worried and so yeah, building a really great team and yeah, so I'm honestly, yeah, I'm just really, really really excited about the pivoty because one thing about me is like, you know, you know, I know how to put in work for us to be successful. I just want to, like, like I said, navigate differently. So yay, it's like boosteple, you know, for the pivot.
It's almost like you're one of the you know how they say, like jay Z and Nas, these are the first retiring hip hop artists or because hip hop's really young, they' just celebrated fifty years Happy birthday hip hop. And it's almost like you're one of the OG influencers and you're sort of like paving. What does it look like to
age well as an influencer? Es like, because you can't be doing to go and trying to chase the next social media trying forever, right, So I think that it's yeah, so I think that fly fly bird so the rest of us can watch.
Yeah, No, I never thought about that. You're right doing this because there are people there, like in the music industry that like unfortunately never pivoted so they are sixty still on tour, which no shade or whatever. But I want to be like a nas or jay Z, who before that happened pivoted and twisted in a way that they're like, Okay, Like you know jay Z every once in a while for fun, He's like, I do a little rat for fun, But he doesn't. He's not doing
it for money. It's for the love of making music. But he has built this underlying business that sees him through. But you're absolutely right. I want to you know, like I told people, remember before, I was like, I want to be less Sean Carter more, more, less jay Z more Sean Carter, Yes, you know, so less than the performer.
As Diddy Moore Shankolm.
Yes, Like I want to be like like the the you know, I'm a businessman and I'm a business man, you know, Like yeah, so I'm excited. I'm excited just to kind of share the ups and downs and the transparency of like what it all looks like. So as if you're going through something similar, whether it's in corporate or your own business or whatever, you know, maybe there's some takeaways you can take away.
So take them, get them for free. While you can't. Well, so happy to be back in the stew with you, beautiful eight years. I know I can't wait first TOHI date. Yes, I'm really I'm the wifey in this relationship, So I'll plan it. Don't worry, I won't. I won't think ill things about it. Plan. I got to plant my own night.
Yo. We will see you on Friday, riding for b a q A.
You know.
If you have questions, we have some answers and send it to us. By the Bitch and Podcasts at gmail dot com. The BA podcast on Twitter can tweet us Brown and Pitch and podcasts on ig signed to the d MS and Brandy Bitch and Podcast dot com to and contact us or ask us anything and we'll see you on Friday.
Bye and thank y'all for eight years. I forgot to thank you guys the listener. B A fam would not be here without you and one one walk love forever.
Bye y'all.
Ma I excuse us, who's listening