Hey, hey, hey, we're back.
We're black brown brown, ambition, ambition, ambition, ambition, Hey.
Man, importantly, we are not in labor. How are you feeling feeling good, feeling great, feeling like, I don't know. There's so much anxiety for me on the weekends, and just like, give me one more week, one more week, one more week. I just moment needs one more week to get her stuff together. But I'm no, I'm feeling good.
I'm feeling good. I had a I have some Yeah, I had some meetings this week that I'm excited about, and then I just feel like, calendar wise, I'm coasting until Homeboy decides to make his debut and I met up with a. Actually, I did the thing that I do. You know how I make friends. I'm just like, hey, you do this thing, won't be friends like I recommend it. But there is this mom at my son's daycare who uh so she hades similar work to what I do.
And anyway, finally I ran into her and we've been like texting, maybe we'll get lunch one day, but you know, it never happens. And today I was just like, look, I got nothing to do. You got nothing to do wants with some coffee, and we ended up having such a great two hour conversation and one of our one of the things we bonded over is being like really fun,
you know, interesting women who like make friends and are exciting. Yeah, and how we're married to like the complete opposite guy, and how that's just like the trend because every time I hang out with someone who's really awesome, I'm like, and then our husbands can be friends. And then because you know us, kind of when we were trying to like create it, it never seemed like Superman Darelle needed help. He was like a social butterfly.
Right oddly like not in not in groups, you know what I mean, So like you never knew which like I would say more so his twinter wereuld totally social social Merel's partner Jylene is the opposite. She's like really quiet.
That makes sense.
So you actually wasn't as like if it's us in the house, maybe one or two people, but like you know.
He definitely was and with his good friends, and he was known in the community, so it was like okay, So at least my hypothesis stands, Yes, fun exciting women attract the opposite, not that they're not fun and exciting.
You mean like a little quiet I mean, I know what you mean, like.
A little quiet shy. They're not gonna and it's like annoying because then you want to hang out as couples because it's easy and your kids are there and all that. But then the guys just I'm just like, yeah, if we get them together, they're not going to talk to each other, because like that's the kind of guys there, or if they do talk to each other, then they're not going to like make the effort to make another play date for themselves. And so it's just the wives
in the background. The wives anyway, us in the background. What's your man doing?
Is he free?
Because I think that my man might be free? Y'all want to, like, let's plan something for them to get them out, and so because they need it. It's not that they don't want it, they just I don't know what it is. Guys just start in their thirties and forties, I feel like just stopping knowing how to create connections socially, And yet don't you need it?
I don't know.
I feel like I need it more than ever at this stage.
No, I was just talking to one of my closest guy friends, and he was saying how he was feeling lonely. No, he was like, you know, he moved to Like for him to say that mcause he's married, I want to say recently recently, maybe within the last like three years
or so, so semmer recently. And he was just like, you know, me and my wife we moved to like a new city, and you know, like he was just like I all my friends because he's around, Like he's just like just turning forties, so he's just like all my friends are similarly like getting married or having kids, and I don't see them as much. And he said, if I'm being honest, before my wife, he said, I
realized I wasn't as lonely because I was dating. So you know, you date different people, and then dating is not just like you're going out out like with this one person. Oftentimes it involves you getting more social. And he was just like, and I'm happily mad and I love my wife, but I'm like, I don't know how to create these social environments anymore. And you know, he was just like, I talked to my guy friends and
they all say the same thing. I'm feeling a little bit, a little bit lonely, especially.
As lonely, and it's not good because I don't think I mean, lonely men are like half of our nation's problem. It to you know, all the things that guys do when they are not fulfilled themselves. But yeah, I'm glad that he actually spoke up and talked about it, because Husby, I wouldn't even be mentioning this if it hadn't finally
been a thing that we like have talked about. And you know, we've been here for five years and I've been you know, moving and grooving and making my own friends because I just I have that nature and I really need it, Like I don't want to. I don't like being isolated, you know, I don't. I keep my distance, like I have boundaries, and I'm not the person who wants to be friends with everyone. But I need at least two good girlfriends, you know, like in my it's
just someone you can text when you're pissed off. You need someone to vent to and connect with for a
coffee or whatnot. But my therapist, because I ended up spending the last session talking a lot about Husby, and she's like you know, as hard as it is for me to for you to, you know, process this, you're actually not in charge of his happiness or his like cause me, you know, I'm like, I'm I will think things like, oh, should I text his his best friend's lash cousin and invite him to go with him to this thing that I know he's been invited to, but he has an RSVP too, and she's like, you can't.
You can't be doing that. He's not a toddler. And that was tough because I feel like that's what you want. You want your partner to be happy, but then you can't force it on them. They have to sort of come to it on their own, so like, he can't just be my project.
I'm just having a.
Back. I mean, since we're talking about relationships, I've just been missing being part of a rid Now look at me and they's face like, ah, are you doing this?
We gonna see how far we take this.
I missed being a control part of like being part like I don't I know if I'm not ready for partnership. I'm not, but certainly I miss being you know, like in a loving relationship, you know, like somebody you hear some people say like, man, if this don't work out with this person, I'll never go back to a relationship. I don't feel that, you know, because you know, at least the space where Girell and I were in when
he passed away, you know, it was really good. And I missed that feeling of like I call it a shorness of love. You know, like the world could be giving you their whole behind a kiss, but I had like the sureness of love at home, even when I got on his nerves, even when you know I didn't clean.
Up or whatever.
I'm like, I know one thing you lab me you would, Okay, I'm going around.
I missed that surreness of the best when you can be your most obnoxious version of yourself and you you just find ways to be obnoxious to that partner and you know that you're doing it on purpose and your is that the shortness of love?
I remember once, like I was in the car with him one time and he's like, oh, you want to drive? I said, fine. In his car and I pulled down the Advisor and like one of my old cards, like Valentine's Ay card or whatever, came out, and I was like, what is this doing here. He was like, I don't want to say. I'm like, why why do you have this all Valentine'sday card? He was like, because whenever we get in a fight, I come in the car and I read it to be like she does still love me.
I'm like, and then I got so bad.
I'm like, that's so evil, Tiffany. This made us in the car like she love me, sweet soul. I know he wasn't a sweet soul.
And I just was like so all in all, like I said, I kind of missed that, and so I told myself, like it's been it'll be a year in November, so it's been like over a year and a half or about a year and a half. And I said I was going to like join some of these apps. I'm quickly off them. I don't know how you can just do it. Honestly, I don't know how I really do it.
Girl, I don't know either.
I'd be I'd be just as out of it as you. I just I mean, I met Enrique on an app, but it was my only day.
Like I need to be I need to be at Whole Food to something because I'm so one. I made the mistake because it was an older black lady that was like, oh, I found such a great guy. So nice of that. And I was like, well, I'm actually not looking for like partnership. I don't even know if I'm looking at date, just maybe like hanging out. I don't know. She told me black people meet dot com?
Which girl, if you're not? I told my dad is on Say your daddy is on there. I didn't know because I had not.
My dad is on there.
Oh, I know everyone.
Away, everybody's dead, everybody Uncle Earl is on the air, and.
They are happy to see you. I know they were were your dms, but ooh, I bet they were lighting up like a radio station.
I was having a really hard nights. I was like, I'm just gonna make a profile and whatever and then I can disable in the morning. Woke up two hundred messages. I said, I'm not all surprised. I had to literally check the see that I uploaded the naked picture of by mistake. I was like, because what is going on? Everybody was in there looked like their name was Tyrone, and they smoked black like Newport.
I mean, average age fifty five, exactly average gudge, and.
Everybody was like, hey, baby girl, just want to say that you're so beautiful girl, just and some people message me twice. I said, I just woke up. Did you get my message? Queen? Just wanted to let you know that I'm so serious about it. I'm like, oh my god. I quick like they think.
That they're on quiet storms. That's kind of the vibe of like how they're reading them, and you can just you can just smell that your car noir cologne just emanating from the screen.
I bet.
I just was like no, no, no, no, no, no no no. So I quickly disabled, and then I also joined Hinge, which slightly better because you can kind of like set like your age range or whatever. And then I quickly got like spooked because it was just like so decent looking and seeming people were reaching out and I was like, actually, no, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not not like it was baby told And then like okay, okay,
so I've disabled my why mey? I paid for three months a hinch, so I don't know if this is disabled, but I took it.
Oh you pay for Hinge, yeah, you pay for it.
You know. And so I took it off my phone and I was just like, uh, I you know, it was good to but I'm not. I'm not, I'm not, and so I don't know, I don't know.
You're a catch as soon as you choose an app, it's gonna be no.
You know.
It's so strange. So when I was actually was talking to my friend about this earlier today, that dating has like pulled up old trauma that I had when I was in my late teens and early twenties, and I really hated the way I looked. I hated it because like it was like a really ad time when I don't know, but like being like dark skin was like I mean it was. I remember my first boyfriend. He was really light, well light, yeah, he was light, but his whole family.
Was very light.
He was West Indian and the first time I met his mom, she came around the corner and her face fell and she was like, I was like wait what And I knew instantly and then she was barely civil. Meanwhile, I couldn't have been more than nineteen, so I was like a baby. She called him like like abruptly into the kitchen and I heard her and she said, why would you bring that black thing in here? That black thing,
like I'm not somebody's child. And I remember being so I just I went through a phase where I used to cover my face when I was like a like a late team because I was I felt like the way I looked was offensive to others? Isn't that just? And it's crazy because I didn't get that at home and like Nigerian culture, that's not like you know, like I like the standard of beauty, you know, like that's the I'm not outside of the standard of beauty like like every like I'm the average skin complexion for a
Nigerian but like you know, I'm not gonna lie. I told you so.
I'm so sorry, baby Tiffany, you know.
And honestly, but lately because of this like thinking about what it might feel like to date again or whatever, it's come up again. Well I feel like like forty three year old Tiffany is like girl, but then nineteen year Oldiviany's like, but what if people don't think you're attractive? You know? And I've just been really struggled with actually have doctor Green and like, you know, like and like my therapist next week because I want to ask her,
like why is this coming up? Because I have, I've not unfelt like not confident, you know what I mean, Girl, I go lie, no eyebrowszone, no look gloss on. I'm on the cover of my book.
I do TV.
But then this like I don't know, this phase of potentially thinking about what it might be like to date again all of a sudden, nineteen year old Tifany's like, I'm here with some of your past traumas, and what if you're not good enough? What if people don't find you attractive, what if you're still too dark? What if you know it's too fit? I mean, like all these things coming up, and it's just ugh, like I'm not gonna I boohoot about it. This morning, I mean I
was crying about it this morning. I was just like, but I don't feel that way at forty three. But sometimes it's like you're not the only Tiffany present, you know, Like, and I'm like, what do you know? What do I
need to tell her? But I just she all have to say that, like it's a process, and like, you know, what it tells me is that, like, you know, I'm considering that life doesn does go on, you know, And I will never not love Darrell and whoever I'm with, I got a double lot, so I'm being married bury my husband. So even if I get married again, you're gonna be in for a root awakening.
Wait, so you know where you're gonna be parked?
Girl, Like, I'm like, he's like my baby. Wait, what she's gonna be with Girell? Yes, always up forever.
Sorry, money over there, but in the same neighborhood.
I just think that, like, yeah, I just I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what life looks like. But yeah, that that definitely is something like I mean, and if I tell you some of the crazy things that people have said to me, black women, especially dark skinned black women with traditional black features, the way the world, it's not even I would prefer if maybe you were ignored the way you don't even get ignored. It's literally
like a harassment. Like literally there are videos now that like like if I do the real or I did like Jennifer Hudson, and like there were some comments that were like she looks like Wesley Snipes. I'm like, like, forty three year old Tifany is like you jealous basically you seeing me on the EV or whatever. But nineteen year old Tiffany is like, oh my god, I'm like, you know, and so like it's it's so crazy, this psychotomy because like I said, forty three year old Tiffany,
I just you know, doesn't feel like that. Like I actually like the way I look, you know, like I love I mean, I honestly love the complexion of my skin. I love that I have full lips.
I love these.
Cheek poems that Africa has given me. But nineteen year old Tiffany is like, I wish I look like everybody else.
And I don't know why she's come back, you know, not always, but she's been poking her head in and so yeah, it's just like I just wanted to give you guys kind of like this kind of life update that like Chad, I don't know, like these man's just going to have to pick me up at Whole Foods because I'm just so even though like you know, you post your pictures or whatever you like, everybody knows what you look like. Still I'm just like I have this anxiety of like what if I meet My biggest fear
is that I meet somebody. Not my biggest fear, but a fear is my nineteen year old Tiffany fears that you meet somebody in person and the same look that my ex boyfriend's mother gave me.
They give me like that look of like, what.
Is this black thing doing it? You know what I mean?
Even though I know that's not true. How could you not?
I know?
But how could you not be impacted by something so cruel?
Yeah? You know, and.
How could you not? And I also feel like, you know, you have gotten to where you are in your business, and it's not like the kind of business where it's
about your looks. And obviously Jarelle loved you and everything about you, and I think maybe dating has just brought you back to that place where when are in our early teens and twenties, it does feel like you are like you, you should be attracting, you should be attractive to others, and you I always felt inadequate because I was never the girl with any boyfriends or anyone calling me, and you know, no one wanting to like ask me out, and all my friends would and like that girl still
is a little bit inside for sure, And I think maybe I like the way that you even phrase it, like as she's a separate person, but she's still worth like listening to and it's almost like, how do what do we say to her to sort of put her at ease and heal that? Heal that woman, young woman.
You know.
So I'm glad that you're going to be talking to doctor Green about it and just talking about it here, because I think so many of us.
Have.
You know, those insecurities are things people said. Girl twenty years ago, my mom said, why are you doing? Why are you working out? Your thighs are already big enough. I love you, mom, But she's a white woman who had a girl who had a daughter with thick thus and it made me feel like they had to go away.
Yeah, God, I'm sorry.
I just yeah, I just it's okay.
I wear shorts now. That took a long time for me to wear shorts.
And meanwhile, I wish y'all could have seen Mandy at Berna. So we both went to Berna. I'm not is I Hena's last name. I think it's a nat that I don't know, And so hey, Berna, that's that's her, like social media name. She's got a new book called Money Out Loud, and we're so proud of her. So I did a like I guess you could say, like a fireside chat on her day of launch the last Tuesday, and Mandy was there and she was wearing this like purple pink.
She looked so freaking radiant, and I just love the way people were like the two of you to kill.
I just love it.
I know.
It was so fun.
And I always feel like I get to kind of like lurk behind you and and you know, get to benefit from your your shine train that just follows you. I get to like get some because some of that sunshine too. People were so sweet and thank you because that's my uniform dress. Now if I leave the house, you will see me in that pink sweater dress because it is like the one of two things that fits me. So if I have to be seen from the waist down, that's what she's going to be wearing.
Okay, it was so pretty. I was like, man, it just looks so pretty. She just looked like glowing, and the dress was like such a good like like what's her name that came on that was like like the colors that are good for our complexions and things.
Oh yes, Kendra, Kendra, so yeah, so yeah, so you just so you guys will hear about here from in the later episode, but.
Yeah, she like I was like, Kench would be like, yes, girl, this is one of your class.
So yeah, you just looked really beautiful.
And I was just like, oh so yeah, yeah that's my update. I'm like, so you know, I'm running back to my cave. But at least I you know, my baby toes dipping and I mean, like your girl.
Still got it, cause I was like, well, damn, okay. Well, I know it's a lot of people, and because you're well known a Newark too, I just know that there's a lot of men who are just like Tiffany making any signs of I hope they don't listen to the show because they're gonna hear that you're maybe you know, peeking out you what's out there, and then your dam.
Friends, kids and cousins are like, sell my brother. I'm like, girl, just honestly, I kind of a prop for it. Maybe someone who just knows me is like, because what I put on the social apps is like I'm a teacher. But every once in a while, like someone hit me yesterday because I sometimes.
I check all interesting okay, and.
Then people will say like the one guy was like I love you work with financial education.
I was like the late I don't know, really, why don't you want them to know? I don't know, because why would you diminish your your I mean not that teachers diminished, you know what I mean, but like you're not just a teacher.
I know, but I kind of just want to get someone to know, somebody like as just like Tiffany, not like the budgetista. You know so well.
I hope that you attract men who are prepared to be with the budgetista because when they find out what you do do, they're going to need to have a lot of confidence, a lot of respect for a badass woman.
You know.
This actually brings up for me something that I've wanted to I've had it on my list of like brown breaks, but I have and I wonder how you feel about this too. Every once in a while, I think on TikTok or social media, someone will post and be like, you know, I would I you know, I kind of want to share about my personal relationship because maybe they've been single for a while and now they're with someone. But I just know if I post it, I'm going to get so much more engagement. I'm going to get
so many likes. I don't want to and I don't want to do it because I just feel like, isn't it you know, why am I not getting this that much engagement for my business, you know, at my business strategy or my business milestones and things like that. And while I get it and I see it. Hell, I post something on my anniversary with old ass pictures of me from six years ago, and it's like I went viral,
you know. But and I and I understand, as women, you you kind of like resist that, like being celebrated for being like being a being attractive enough to get a man or get a person or be in a relationship. And what does it say about you if you can't or you don't by choice. But at the same time, like the way that I feel about it is it's
so universal. Love partnership, companionship who at the end of the day, I do feel like humans, the vast majority of us are meant to be with someone and have a partner whoever that whatever that person looks like, and whether it's not even a love partner but a companion of you know, just someone that you can experience and share life with. And it's so it's so universal that we all desire and it's not a thing it's wrong
to desire that. And I just feel like, because it's so universal, of course it's the thing that people really relate to and they want to. Like, it's not as relatable as getting a New York Times bestselling book or you know, launching a business people like that. But I feel like when it's love, you know, or even expanding your family, like it's just such a special, beautiful experience that so many of us can share that I understand
why it gets more attention, and I just don't. I just don't like that we're kind of getting into that space where if you do share that that you are diminishing your own success or like pandering to people to give them what you think that they want.
And I'm not making any sense.
No, you are, because I want I saw the phone when I saw your comment that, I was like, look at me, diyat here Meanwhile like.
The two No, you do be paying attention. Well you know it's rad.
Because I'd never gone TikTok. But then the post came up and then I looked in the comments. I said, look at me, Andre, given good advice, would you basically said, hey, share anyway, like it's a beautiful thing.
You said that.
You were like, don't hold back, like don't let anyone not let you share, Like that's awesome. But yeah, I think, No, you're right, I think and I could see their point of view as well, because it's true. I never got more posts. And when I posted me and Jirell like the truth is, I used to lean into it. I'm like, girl, I need some especially like if a brand partner would
pay me. I'm like, Jerrell, come take this picture with me, like he and I both want to raise our credit score with this credit monitoring draw.
Because I knew that.
Because people, to your point, they love love and you know, so I knew literally I would that was that was a tactic to be like, girl, you want three or four thousand. You know most of the comments will be like, oh I love y'all. I'm like, yeah, focus on the tool. But I just say all that to say that certainly, you know you can be as private or as public as as you like, and you know that's up to you. I mean, I don't think that moving forward, if I don't know how life is, you know what life is
going to I don't know. I At first, I used to be really public with my relationship with Drell, but that's when social media was a lot more close knit and it was like you know, and then over time I started to share less and less only because because I just wanted to keep some things for us, and I would post him like maybe on his birthday or
anniversary or whatever. So I just think that if I do get into another relationship again, you know, I don't know, like I'm I don't I don't think one, I'll post as much as I used to post about Jorelle if at all. Certainly, I'll share as much as I feel comfortable here as I navigate, if that's you know, like like I said, I'm not ready at all. I need to get into my new condo first and get myself
like like situated and things like that. But yeah, I just think that, like, there's nothing wrong with sharing love if that's what you want. But I also know that in the sharing, you know that people then will feel, you know, they'll feel like engaged in your life. So like I prefer like I was married to Jerrelle, you know, so it's like you know, this is your boyfriend and then you guys break up, then it's like, well what happened?
Girl?
Well, I know it's not my business, but you made him my business. So I'm like girl.
And now I'm looking back through old posts and you've seen like TikTokers go through divorces and stuff, and it's like who got the account? You know, who's going to get the handle? Now, I for sure I understand those those intricacies. I can't even share pictures of E because he doesn't take any and he's not fun. He won't let me dress him up and take a picture with me. It's probably for the better. He's like a government spy, so you know, he's incognito.
But the only time the Dure will let me do that is when I was like, people like we gotta get this money, I'm like yes, He's like.
All right, that's actually not a bad idea. I feel very protective of my son, like I don't want lots of pictures of him out, but at the same time, like you know, I just feel so happy with all aspects. I just don't want it's we talk about brad Ambition, where we talk about achieving your business and your financial dreams and your career goals and all of that. But I think, at least for me, that's just not enough. You know, I want partnership, Yeah, connectedness, people, humans and hell.
I mean, I don't know.
I'm trying to be sensitive to people who don't feel the same way, but at least I feel like, you know, there's so much shit out there. Like I got on Instagram earlier, the first damn story I saw was about a baby who drowned, and I'm just like, you know, if you have some good news to share, whatever it is, Like, I just wish we would lean into sharing that light because if we all shared more light, maybe it would, you know, get some of this darkness out of the way,
get some of the shadows lit up, especially now. So I choose to continue to be a part of that as much as I can. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay to love love and love money.
I like them love.
I'm not going to say which.
More cause I don't know what I'm supposed to say, but and that'll be the clip that it will be post on social and people will grow me for it.
But no, I like them binns and love is so important and so like it's not Yeah, it's not.
Money, so this was a mushy. Should we take a break? Yeah, let's take a break. I gotta take this jacket off, not because you tease me for it, but because there's so many zippers that I'm having a hard time moving because I'm like, they're gonna be mad. I was told, y'all, we.
Will be back with brown break brown booze, and we're back and black and now it's time to boosto break, Oh boosto break, oh boosto breakdown? Are you going to booze?
Are you going to break? What?
You're gonna do?
What you go take?
I wouldn't people get to see the rhythm nation shoulders that be and Mady be doing like well you can if you watch on YouTube, go ahead and watch.
It was it was and jacket they got me grooving?
Are you boothy or are you breaking?
Boost? One is?
I got out the dress. I got out the house this weekend and I wore that dress because that's my going out dress. It's the same one that you saw me in. And I met up in person with about ten or twelve of my nandy money makers in New York and we had such a lovely they they brave y'all know, black women getting out in the rain and torrential downpour rain. Yeah, it was crazy and I thy.
Yeah.
So I got them together as like a last minute, just wanted to meet and get to talk to them. And it was so lovely. As much as my business as virtual, I love the opportunity to get to meet my people in person. So to everyone who braved the elements, drove from Long Island to Manhattan, like from Westchester down, it was a lot. So I just thank y'all. And
it was beautiful. It was a really beautiful time. And every time I plan an event and people show up, I heal that Like thirteen year old girl who had a surprise party, no one came to speaking about healing our our young sol. I want to go and be like, I want to come. I would have been. No one came, Tiffany, they didn't have Uber back then. No one came.
About the house anyway, right, No, I love that. I I too am going to I guess it's kind of like a boot slash break because today I finally submitted the final draft. I pray to Jesus teenage, Jesus, no man, Jesus, baby, Jesus all to Jesus of my workbook version of gek Go with Money. It's called Made Whole. It's a get Go with Money workbook. And I mistakenly thought that when you do the workbook version of your book, it's.
Like less work still in the blanks, it actually was.
It wasn't. I mean, I wouldn't say it was as much work as Get Go with Money, but not half you know.
Not not work.
Yeah, it was a lot of And so because I wanted, you know that if you read Geka with Money that you were like, oh, here's some additional added resources and benefit and whatever. But then I wondered, if you didn't read Giga with Money, you're missing out on critical things in order to reach financial wholeness in these ten core steps. So it was like this balancing it that was not easy. Plus two, you know, gig Go with Money is literally
like a textbook. It's a big, hardy book. And I really wanted Made Whole to really be like, you know, not to be as dense, because I want you to be able to get to the work. Put it in your bag, get to the work. I made sure that it was wider so when you lay it open, you can like write in it. And so yeah, so Madhole is going to come out in November. It's available for pre order like everywhere, you know, but it doesn't come out to November, so you know, do what that would
you will? But yeah, so I'm just really it was such a relief because when something like that, I mean many you know, like as you're working on a big old project, it's it's looming, it's looming. And to finally submit it this morning, I.
Was like, oh my god, can this be the end?
Place?
It was like last bit edits cluse.
I'm just it just anybody who thinks that they want to write a book know that it's a lot of work and it feels really good when it's done. But it's a lot of work, you know, and so and just it could be like a lot of stress and so yeah, so it's like a boost that it's done and a break because I'm like, I don't I don't anticipate in writing anything.
For a while.
Sorry Penguin, Oh, because.
I'm surprised, because yeah, because you were so out of it about that was huge.
You know, I'm done.
But the workbook, I agree, it does kind of sound like, oh, it's just like, I don't know. I just figured it was like a journal entry thing they got girl, it's a lot light workbook. And I was like, this is not a little Did you have to negotiate a new deal?
How does that work?
Yeah?
So what I happened with the workbook is that you negotiate a new deal and the amount obviously it's less typically because you know, like a book book is different than like, you know, like a work book, because I think I think the stat that Penguin gave me is that they anticipate usually your workbook will sell about twenty percent of what your book sold, you know, so you're not going to get the same. So I don't know that the numbers have to correlate between what you got,
like your book deal. Let's just say you got one hundred thousand dollars book deal, and the workbook deal might be twenty like twenty thousand dollars. Not really, it really will depend on how well your book did and how what you can negotiate. And certainly, you know, I negotiated like I got. I spoke to some of my friends who had workbooks and understood kind of like how the
workbook game worked. And so the amount that they gave me was similar to what I was first offered, but I just felt like, this seems low for someone who's slaying in the streets right now. And so I spoke to one of my This is why mentorship is so important. I spoke to one of my mentors, Lynette cal Fonie Cox. She's everyone's financial fairy godmother.
She's so awesome.
And Lynette actually did the math with me. I had never done book math. Hey, book bath will have you mad at your advance If you said yeah, I was like, hold up, hold up. So with book match, she had me figure out, like, okay, how many books I sold, how much roughly Penguin made based upon the books I sold, which the truth of the matter is and advance is money you get to keep no matter what. So there's no guarantee I'll pay it back. Oh but I paid my advent and I had.
A good advance, did you ever?
And so I paid by advanced time about six So hanging right now is like, that's our girl, sady.
So she was like that you have some leverage to say.
I know normally you give this kind of money for workbooks, but you ain't talking to no regular degular, I need a little bit more, and so Lynnette gave me a number that she said I would not take less than this, And so I told them me and my book agent, this is why your agent is so important. We talked through it, and my agent not only got me what Lynette said, but more so, I would say it was about four times more than a workbook normally gets. Like it was about the as it should Yes, basically my
book book. My advance was about what you would like a good advance for a book. That's how I work, Rahma to our workbook advance was like if you got this for a regular book, you'd be like, I got a really good advance, So I feel good about it.
Which like twenty percent of your book sales are even still above what a regular book sells, you know what I mean, Like, Yeah, what's the staff that you share, like over the life tome of a book that usually shares.
Like cells less than two thousand copy.
Yeah, I mean the average book the cells are less than two thousand.
We're like, I like two seventy five now two years later, and.
So I'm glad that they got an opportunity to renegotiate or negotiate as a separate thing, whereas I feel like, I wonder if publishers are going to get like wise to that and start trying to incorporate the workbook into the initial deal before you know how success.
They do try they did, they would try to loup everything together and then and that's a whole lot because they were like, how about your workbook and whatever magical book that you might want to do in the future, And I was like, well, I don't even know that I want to. I mean, I know one day I probably will write another book, but I don't even know what's she going to be about. I don't know who I'm going to be. I might have a show girl, might be the president of the United State.
I hope it's about your experience Black people meet dot com.
One man persistently every week, I'm like, mister Earle, I don't want I don't want to see awl.
If you see anyone named big al topcat Alton, stay away, I'll say I'll give his name while my uncle.
Every week, baby girl, I don't know if you see I sing mister Earl, I sing I stuff exactly, but like yeah, so yeah, So it's just like the book. You know, the book industry. It's interesting. And so because I know a lot of people would be like, well, aren't you mad that you know you made them more money than you received. No, because one, with your first book, you don't know what it's going to do. I don't care. You could be famous, you could be not famous.
You don't.
No one knows. And so that advances your money to keep no matter what, because you can literally get one hundred thousand dollars advance and only make them two dollars and they will let you keep that hundred thousand. They'll be mad and you won't get another hundred. But that's how that works. And so you the way it advance works is that you pay it off. Now, the thing is what I didn't understand with book math Hey, is
that book math says? I thought, at first, let's just say my book was ten dollars, and let's just say my advance was one hundred thousand. I thought for every ten dollars book I sold, I would chip down what
I owed in the advance by ten dollars. Like, sold ten dollars, book ten dollars comes off the one hundred thousand that I owe you no, no, no, no no. So typically your like, you get a cut of sales once you pay back your advance, and that can range anywhere from like ten to fifteen percent, right, so let's just say ten percent. So if a book sells for ten dollars, ten percent of ten dollars is one dollar.
And if that's your cut that you would get once you pay back your advance, you are only lowering the one hundred thousand that you owe per book a dollar for every book that you sell.
So you see how long you have to say, yeah, I made that math equation. That math that's something beneficial to the publisher.
So I was like, we haven't sold out my advance yet, because I girl, I've literally my book has made millions, pot millions, and so my advance was not millions. So but like I said, that was I'm not mad at it because I still got a really good advance and it was still relatively like I mean for a book that was going to be unknown for what it's going to do. But now that we know that it's very
likely to sell, now we can negotiate differently. And so like my next advance if I do another big book, definitely will reflect the fact that, like I've sold before, and so these are things like you know, to I mean, my agent does say, like, well, if you wait too long, they might say, well, you sold that, but that was five years ago. I'm like, girl, I don't care about not that you know, like I get it, but like I you know, if I write another book, you know,
then I do. But maybe by then I might have the top Netflix show in the in the world, you know what I mean. Like, so I don't want to lock myself into like a number now and not know certainly it might be lower later because maybe later, you know, I'm you know, I'm not as vie and that's fine, but maybe I'm even more viable if I decide to do something. But yeah, so these are just some things
that I didn't even know. I mean, meanwhile, I went through this whole process and I didn't really understand book Math until Lynetteki Finick Cocks broke it down for me. And I was like, oh, And she said, that's why you're gonna go back and say you want more money because book Math is like no, girl, Like, in order for you to have paid them back what you made, they had to make millions about millions of five millions
before you can pay back what you made. And I'm like, oh okay, and so like now I finally have paid it back. It took about two years. And so now my next statement, I think you get it twice a year. I should see my percentage, like I should get a check now twice. Royalty is now a royalty, yes, which is kind of exciting. Yeah, you know, talk about passive income.
I know. I was like ooh, so like I mean I can imagine for a book for example, like I will teach you to be rich that like yeah, it's been a twenty years later, that thing is cooking with grease, so you know, and even now more so that re meat has to show on Netflix, I know, like his book has sold out everywhere and so like that's the thing about books is like you know, you have to
really ask us. So even Mandy, as you are navigating, you will have to ask yourself big advance up front, you know, or you know, do I want like you know, negotiating, Like I'll give you what my percentage is, so you know, like what you're going to ask for because I've gotten the top percentage like everyone who I've asked there like, that's the most book publisher is going to give you.
And I'm like, okay for as far as your percentage, and so like I hope one day what I'd like to do one day is have more of a partnership with the with the publisher where it's like I'm not getting, like, you know, the smaller percentage on the back end that like I'd rather get quite honestly, less upfront and then more on the back end. Most publishers will tell you no one who's going to do that. I'm like, no, you're not doing that.
But somebody out there bites.
So we'll see. I think the publishing industry that there's some shifting that has to happen if you want people to work with you. So yeah, so as you like navigate, I'm excited to hear, like you know where you are in your process.
I for you get to keep paving that way, baby girl, hear my Lynette.
I'm like, girl, tell me, it's a lot.
I'm telling you when I tell you the mouth they offered me versus Wellnette, because I was gonna be like, okay, this have just said calling that girl before you agree. So I'm gonna let you know. I'm not sure I'm allowed to talk numbers.
Yeah, we'll get it. We'll get the green tea later.
I like that girl. Oh I like that degree.
You so clever. Thank you.
I washed my hair today and I feel different. I feel smart.
All right, y'all.
Well, this was a fun, juicy, juicy episode of Brown Ambition. We'll see y'all Friday for B, a Q and a. Don't forget to submit your questions, but take care, be well, Bye bye, Hey, ba fam. We could not do this show without your support or the support of our team behind the scenes. The Brown Ambition podcast is produced by Imani Crosby and Dennis and Plinsky is our in house tech guru. I am your co host Mandy woodrif Santo's and we will see y'all next week, ba Fam.