Ep 347: Our Personal Hair Journeys

it a summit a self care summit. Yes, a couple of weeks ago, and then my life fell apart, like the day after, but I feel like you saw me on a high and then the next day just yeah, everything kind of went downhill. But that was so nice. I just wasn't acknowledge that.

about Saturday? She was like how about Friday, and I was just going to come to the house and Mandy was like, let's actually go to a spot. I was like, girl, say less, so went since what one? I met her at her beautiful home. It's so crazy because Mandy's home and my home. The decor could be cousins, right, because it's like similar colors. Back I was like, Oh, I can't live hea, it's so key. Her house is beautiful and so literally like similar wall color, similar tower color.

It's just super comfy, super cozy. And so we met up and then we went to I guess it used to be a rich Carlton or it is still like a they've kind of like reframed, right, like a Chancy.

And it felt really special because I'm like, come, I don't.

it was lovely. And then you finally got to meet my baby.

this lady's in my house. Her name is Tiffy obviously, and then just out of the blue, he was like, I've decided I like her. He climbed over the cap and just wrapped his arms on my neck. Was like, I live with her now.

to leave? Or like do you have a timeframe? And I said, this is the only thing I planned today and it felt so good to say it, and your face lit up, like and I'm like, that's how I want to go. But that's where I want life to go, right that, like you connect with friends in a way that's like, no, you are important to me. And as a result, like this is it? Like I didn't have anything else, It was just this. So I was going to stay as long or short as Mandy would have me.

Plus I ain't been nowhere in three years. I haven't even seen a show like the theater, like it's been so long, so I deserve okay. Yeah, And so Baron got four tickets and he said, okay, so you can bring a date and I can bring a date. And I was like, who the hell am I gonna get pay that much money for?

money on things that really don't enhance my life. So when it comes to something like this, I have it readily available and I'm like, you know, right now I'm wearing my my my target sweatshirt and swetpants and I'm like, okay, yeah, look at us. But then when it was like fourteen tickets, I was like, girls a less, yeah, pair of shoes.

Should I bring the baby and like ask her to maybe we'll be close enough that like some of her sweat and baptop.

its thing. But yeah, the curl patterns, like I have tried to diagnose and there's just there's a million different you know, curl patterns in there, and it really obviously I'm multiracial. My mom is white, she's super dup white European, European and English. I got the twenty three and me I know exactly my percentages. And then my dad is

black and the black black black, Yes he is. Yeah, So I am like a lot of like, you know, I think like a lot of mixed kids, especially mixed kids raised by a mom who doesn't have textured hair. My earliest hair memories, I don't even know what my texture was because I got my first relaxer maybe four or five years old. I do see there are some pictures in my archive of me with like really cute my mom would like put it in pick like these

poofy ponytails and stuff cute curly hair. But then it just stopped and then I had these like long straight you know, pin straight. And I asked her, I was like, who suggested that? And she said, I thought it was my aunt's like on my dad's side, but apparently she was walking through the mall and women would like comment on my hair. Black women would comment on my hair and be like you need to take that baby and get her perm and you know, a relaxer and so yeah,

it started out with that. I don't remember my first relaxer experience, but when I tell you, I remember the ones after that, like from burning my scalp and in my mom doing the just for me kids at home. Was there ever a time when you were getting like, what was your hair growing up? When you were like young young and you had all these sisters too, alse hold the understand hair?

part maybe two years out of my life. So literally I'm forty three, so for forty one years I have worn my hair naturally, just different natural styles like braidsen things. But when I was really little, like my mom, like she wasn't like this super braider. Some of my earliest memories are like of like other black women braiding my hair.

Like I remember there's this little girl, well now I call her little girl, but she probably was a teenager that would come and like braid my like my my, my mom would we would visit one of my cousins, like and I think they lived in Irvington or whatever, and she must have been like fourteen, and we kind of would just line up and get our hair braided by this young girl. We were little, I remember I did used to especially for Easter Sunday and things. We

would get our hair pressed. That's on some of my earliest memories, which is the worst because hooch like that grease you know, like you know, hold your ear down, and sometimes it's too much grease, so we would literally burn your scalp. And then I don't know why, but maybe I just was really stubborn about getting my hair done. But around like fourth or fifth grade, my mom gave me a Jerry curl. Jesus be a fence. It wasn't even in then. Like I look back and I'm like,

why would you give me a Jerry curl? No, none of my sisters had it. Just Tiffany, I almost like, did you have hand.

I did not know they did not dress up for public school, but I learned that day, and so I have a purple headband in this purple Easter Sunday outfit and my jeriker on full display. So I just remember, I don't know, like I was such a tomboy, but I hated the notion of like getting my hair done. You know. It just seemed like the world was telling me, something's wrong with your hair, you have to do something

with it. And I just remember being like I wish it was like I remember distinctly being like in like second grade, that I loved the Brady bunch and I always saw myself as jam because she was the second girl and I was the second girl. So I would put on turtleneck like so imagine a turtle, like the neck part goes here, but I would put it like almost like a headband, the neck part on my head and then let the rest fall, and we would walk

around the house and be like, that's our hair. Like I must have been like a first and second grade and literally I just would have it swinging and say, I wish my hair swung like this, because something must be wrong with mine because it doesn't do this. And so my first memories of my hair were that it was like a nuisance and that something was wrong with it because it didn't look like Dan Brady.

What's the pink moisturizer? Literally the pink bottle? And like the or the or the blue there was like some kind of blue gel I don't.

be more expensive. They want like eighty dollars. But yeah, I would get I would get picked on, and I never loved my hair. I always felt like it was something to hold me back. I couldn't get it wet. Everyone had pool parties and I'd be worried about getting it wet. And my mom, Like my mom loved me, but I could tell she didn't love my hair. And

that had an impact. And we've talked about it since, but it really and I feel like more women go through that too, like to feel that your mom or you're the women in your life or whoever you're with, like look at your hair as a burden. It does not make you love anything. You know, it doesn't make it doesn't it doesn't make you feel good about it.

But like still like everything right now, you know, but like under it all, like her hair was like much. I didn't feel weird. I one thing I did I will remember is that like I, you know, after the Jerry Coro grew up, I was like mm hm, and I just started to get braids because braids started to be really popular, so we would get braids. And I played sports, and so that was like because I played like sports, like I used to run track, I played tennis.

It was just easier, especially when Brandy came out when I was around fifteen. Brandy and I are the same age, so she came out she was about fourteen fifteen, and I was like, oh my gosh. She really popularized natural hair via braids until all of us had braids. I remember microbraides, which took forever to do and put in, but it gave me this sense of like, Okay, I don't have to do my hair daily, but they can

still look really nice. And I really like I loved that period of like of braids other than like you know, the because it was very low maintenance, other than the taking it out and putting it in. And then for some reason, I it was like because I wasn't gonna play sports in college, and so I decided my I think I wanted to be like grown and sophisticated. That's what I thought it would look like. I got a

palm freshman year right before college. My freshman year in college, and you know, like it just my hair was like, girl, what are you doing? At one point, I was like, I'm gonna be one of those monks that only has like a little piece of ponenty out in the middle because it was eating up all of my sides the back. I went to this It was this West Indian woman.

She was making a lowist I'll never forget. And I used to go to her to get my perm and I was like, and she was the one that told me, She's like, honestly, tiffany texture here is so opposed to the straight texture of the permit you're trying to achieve that you would either have to get perms so frequently that it's dangerous, or you know, like when your hair grows in, which is like this tight curl and the permit is this really straight where they're meeting. It's breaking

no matter what we're doing. So she was like, girl, honestly, and this is before the natural movement, and I remember thinking, what am I going to do? I took scissors. I wasn't thinking, and I just cut off all of like it was just breakage everywhere. I would comb it and here it would just be on my shoulders. Hair was always everywhere, and it was devastating, Like I felt like I was going bald, and I was just like, so I just cut it. And I started this kind of

like teeny weeny afro that everybody was horrified by. I mean, black women would stop me in the street and say, why would I do this to myself because it's not like now, nobody was natural, you know, like maybe with braids or whatever, but like a fro. And so I rocked a fro for years when I was I rocked a fro like I want to say, the last maybe like year in college and then beyond. That's why I met Jerreal. He used to love my little fro. He's like, I ain't never seen nobody with a frow you look.

And so I love my fro. Although the fro because every hairstyle requires different products. So with braids sometimes it's itchy, so you have like these itchy hair spray things, and then you want to like, you know, you keep your like they would have you grease your scalp, you know, like the parts right, and then with a fro, like

for my hair, it's so thirsty. So I was putting so much product in it just for it to not be super dry because with afro texture here, you cannot typically comb it just dry out there like you will just be yes, it's painful and you're going to see hair all over the place. So it has to be in a state of moisturization, like you have to have just least washed it. Maybe it has conditioner in it. But I used a lot of product when I had

a fro, and it was a lot of work. People think that natural hair is not a lot of work. That compared it to like per so much work and so but I love that fro. I used to get twisted outs. With it, I learned all these different things to do. I would get like twist outs, I would get braid outs, I would get all these fun things.

And then I want to say, maybe like four or five years into having a FRO, I really contemplated getting locks, you know, and I was just like, I think, I want to not I want the freedom of like the braids without the takedown and put in of the braids, you know. And I considered, I did a lot of research on like what kind of locks to get. And one of the things I always hated about a parm is the dryer time. Oh my gosh, the drier time. If you get a PARM, I.

twist them. It's almost like backward braiding. You take the end of the lock and then you loop it through like the gap in your root, and you pull it through and so when doing that a number of times, it actually begins to braid the root, and so you never have to sit under the dryer. And they were really expensive back that I don't know or like if they're super expensive now, but to start them you anywhere from like two three hundred dollars to like five six

hundred dollars to start them. And so I started my sister locked journey I want to say my mid twenties, maybe I was twenty five, twenty six something like that, and I have had them ever since. Like now have you had to see me?

other day, but not the other day. But I just the other day, but I meaning like maybe a few years ago with the scissors, just because I was like, oh, may we do something different, But honestly, I really I love them because I'm kind of a tombois so I'm not someone who is going to do my hair a ton, so it's like it's done. And what I love about them is locks, especially anything past ten years, you get

what they call mature locks. So in the beginning, your locks are like just like basically like a braided fro, and then they start to bud, which when they get like these like they look like these fat, chunky caterpillars. You ever see people with that? And then the bud there's an awkward stage or teenage stage to locks, where like the top part is tighter, but then there are bud's at the bottom and people typically don't like that stage.

You stay there for a few years and then they start to fully almost look like a braid all throughout. So I am fully mature locked. It's over ten years and as a result of them being so tightly compacted in these necks, I when I tell you, Landy, I don't put anything in my hair. I wash my hair like with shampoo. I use like a little bit of like really conditioner and that's it. Like day to day, I don't put anything because there's no space for them. It will just like kind of sit on top and I, yeah,

this is the easiest and like my favorite style. Yeah, I mean I likely will ride off into the sunset with this style. But I'm in a space now where I can honestly say that I love my hair. I think it's I think it's beautiful, and I think it's strong, and it reminds me of my great grandmother that I met one time in Nigeria, which I wish I took a picture because I remember staring at her curl pattern and thinking it looked exactly like mine. And so, yeah, I love my hair.

life for me. But no one would ever, let me get to that point, because as soon as it grew out, it was a mess. It was nappy, it was we had it had to be. It was a problem that needed to be taken care of. Right. I wonder for you because this is called like the Dove Crown Collection. It reminds me of the Crown Act. Actually, I'm Dove co sponsored the Crown Act, which is not federal law yet, but it is in some several states, which basically says

in the workplace because black women like we have. I mean, there's so many examples of people who have been and even it's written into dress codes and like schools and even some workplaces where braids locks are not considered appropriate for the workplace or for you know, in a school setting, and it's anyway. So I'm I'm so happy now that there's actual and it needs to be like written into the law. You cannot discriminate against us for our hair.

And I know for me, as my career shifted from writer Mandy like I was behind the scenes writing the minute I got on camera, like when I was at Yahoo Finance in my early twenties, that that's when my confidence would just be like knocked every time I sat down in the hair and makeup room because and it would come from stylists of all different backgrounds, but they

didn't really want to touch my hair. It was like can you And when I when I started to transition, which was around that time I was maybe twenty twenty six, twenty five twenty six, it was, well, the curls don't look good on camera. It's fuzzy. It's like, can you get them smooth? Could they be the perfect ringlets? You know?

Like cause I feel like in pop culture, if there were natural curlies, they'd be like they would be natural, but they'd be all like they would have used a curling iron or a mini curl or something to get the perfect coils, and I don't have that. Look at this, there's like a million different textures.

York City relaxer prices. Okay, they were like hundreds of dollars to get, you know, a relaxer from a good salon, and I just was like, I don't want to pay for that. So I would go longer and longer in between, and then I could start to see at my temple the curls, and I just stopped. I just stopped getting relaxers. And then thank God for YouTube cause you mentioned like doing the research about locks. I was researching like and

I learned about protective styles band two knots. I could get a natural curl, you know, from learning how to do band two knots. And just so for all the YouTubers out there who do hair content, I'm like, thank you for providing the guidance that those of us who don't have family or loved ones who understand our hair culture or styles like that was really my education. And I rocked a little baby fro because for me, I transitioned and I would do the same. I would cut

like where the because eventually it breaks. You have the curly hair and then you have the relaxed parts, and I would just cut more and more, and finally I ended up trimming it all. I think I had like three or four inches of curls at that point and that was it. I just it just was like, Oh, this is what it's supposed to be, and there's no looking back ever since. It just feels like part of me. And of course I think back to those years at Yahoo and I didn't I hadn't yet found my own

confidence in it. I definitely would have stuck up for myself more and not have been using flat and irons. And there's nothing wrong with flat irons and all that, but you know, for a lot longer. But I don't have to worry about it anymore. So, Yeah, it's.

I was like it's okay, it's done, and he was like, no, no, but he did this beautiful braid that was so I was really impressed and he actually had some So sometimes the really kinky, curly girls, they have to decide if they're going to like lay their edges down with Jael. Like if you are watching on YouTube what you want to be, you can see that I typically don't lay my edges down with y'all. I'm my girl, this is

this is my edge, get into it. But sometimes for like TV or whatever, I will give it a little smoother, slicker, you know, more quote unquote professional, just because you know that's what the people be asking for. But he so he actually put me onto like a new jeil that I had not, so I was really surprised that not only did he know about like my hair, but also products that worked, because oftentimes, because my hair is so tightly curled that most jails are like my hair laughs

at are like, girl, we've bested better than you. But yeah, so you know, we put this gel in it. It was great. But I just yeah, like, now where I am now is that like I come with this assumption that you don't know how to do my hair, and that's fine. I will come my hair done. We just pray that the makeup artist knows how to do my browskin at

this point thankfully. If I'm being candid, one of the reasons why I also like sister locks is because traditional locks are typically bigger and thicker, and they're usually when people say locks are unprofessional, that's what they mean. So if I'm being candid, sister locks was like a safer lock option, you know, meaning that like it's like it's more palatable yes to like to the you know, to to you know to in the professional space. Yeah, you know.

So I've never felt that my hair was you know, unprofessional, but because I chose these kind of like with this underlying like, ugh, let me get these skinnier locks, so it doesn't feel like, oh she got locks, you don't. We had black power, even though I am Black power. But even like being on the cover of my book, it good with money, you know, like to be like this sister Lot girl. You should have seen when they

did the cover. So Tanta Bell, who's an amazing photographer, she did like all of me and Mandy's pictures from Brown Ambition. She's done all my head shots. So Tanda took the picture and at first when the cover came back, you know, because that's not the background of the book is green, but I think like the actual background of the picture was like brown or white or whatever. So they had to cut me out, you know, like you know, like cut me out so they could put me on

this green background. You should have seen how they cut my hair out. It was just like it looked like, you know, just the smooth circles have a bun on my blace. Yeah, So Tanetta came in was like, no, absolutely not. She made them zoom in and cut around my small little So that's why, like the book looked so great because they kept the texture of what my

hair actually looks like. But that's what I mean about taking the extra step, because when you it looked, the book looked didn't look as good because the initial care was not taken to ensure that the way my hair is actually shaped shows up, you know. And I'm just so grateful to that Assistan. Hey girl, you know, like stepped in and was like, no, we're not doing that. Like I took this beautiful picture and part of the beauty is Tiffany's kinky curly, beautiful hair. We're going to

honor that on the book cover. And so yeah, professionally, sometimes I do think about it, but you know, I'm at a point now where I'm like, girl, take it or leave it, and you know, but I'm grateful that many times the places that I've been invited, people know something about my hair, or at least I know how to do it enough myself. Well, I just come like I know how to do enough myself, where like I come ready because you know, you just never know, and I don't want to take the risk.

a little common sense. And I was like, I didn't know what to say because I honest say, I was embarrassed because back then it was like you have fake hair.

hair extensions, but it wasn't as common. And so I remember like people always wanted to touch my braids, and I didn't have kind of like the language to tell people no. I would just be kind of like the petting zoo animal, like okay, And so like I'm all for curiosity because I too sometimes curious about somebody's hair, but to reach out and touch someone without their consent, whether it's their fuzzy sweater or their hair, is absolutely a no no. And you know, when you would think

that people would have enough common sense to know you don't touch anyone for whatever reason without their consent, like you know, you just just don't. And so it's crazy now because I have my niece a Milliam and just saw them yesterday. So I called Roman and a million the crazy. So I want to go visit the crazies yesterday and Amelia had the little band two knots which were like indicative of she must have just got her hair washed yesterday, you know, and I was like, oh me, me,

you got your hair wash. You could tell she was like.

as much time sitting down. And so you know, I'm curious to see like what Amelia's like hair journey will be because her texture. I was looking at it and I was like, oh my gosh, it looks just like my great grandmother's looks just like mine, like tightly curled. It's beautiful, you know, And I just was like, so, yeah, she's an afropuff girl.

brother loved my mom's and my sister's hair. My sister's full white, my mom is full white, but my brother and I are both biracial. And he would just love the silky strands of my sisters and my mom's hair, and he would play, and then I would kind of feel, you know, I would be like, no one wants to play. You can't run your comb your fingers through this, like not even like you know, you would need some heavy duty equipment to do that. But Rio loves playing with

my hair. He says, Mommy, you'll have flu fee. And I said, your hair is because I call it flufy, And he's like my hair flufee too, and he kind of like pats his little poof Yeah, I just want him to. I'm happy for kids today because they there. I hope anyway that they can grow up loving it and really embracing the uniqueness of it. And no one's going to try to Although people do try to touch Rio's hair, I mean, I don't necessarily blame them because

it's so freaking cute. No one tried to touch my hair until I started going natural, and then in the workplace it would happen, usually in the bathroom. Can I just I'm just this is so cool, Like this is great, and like I feel like as I was transitioning, that was something I had to get used to. Was now my hair. People comments on it even more, but I get so much love. It's healing to me from being and I might get a little emotional, but like it's

healing from me from being. Like in middle school, dreading, like picking alternative routes. If I saw, you know, black girls walking down the hall, the same the ones who would bully me, cause I mean and black girls, like I have some of my best friends in school, I was usually you know, I gravitated toward well I gratificated Toortum in band class like all the sax players. They were like dope, Like all my friends were black. But

I would still get picked on in the hallway. But now women stop me and they'll be like, I love your hair at TJ Max or at Target or whatever. And I try to do the same, because you know, I think we're all healing, We're at some I feel like every black woman you see, every woman with textured hair, you see, black, brown, whatever, there's a healing little girl

inside them who's learned to love their curls. And it's because of products like Dove, of course, that make it possible that we can actually take good care of our hair and embrace it. Finally.

just your hair. It rolls down into your face and your body and your back. So I'm like hyper vigilant about like I just can't use just anything. And so yeah, we're super happy that they've decided to create a space for us to talk about our hair and our journey. So we will say that we both agree that like we're in a space with our hair. Were like girl, ten out of ten I would recommend yes.

as you can probably tell in a long time. Yeah, I'm really proud, and I feel like for anyone out there, I mean I do know it still happens, like even especially if you have a public facing, like you're in

front of people, the comments will come through. And like if there's anyone who wants to share if you've had experiences like that and how you've handled it, because even though it's written in law now that you can't be discriminated against because of your hair and how you wear it, that doesn't mean it's it's also you know, illegal to pay women less than men for the same work. But yeah, hear me have the wage gap, So it's still happening, and I want to live in that place of reality.

So yeah, I feel like if you've ever had that issue, or even when you're interviewing, it's like, how do I wear my hair for an interview? Should I straighten it? You know? Should I tame it? You know for the first interview, for the first impression, that still happens. And I totally get why you have that, why you have to like go back and forth like that, And it's just like this mental burden that like other people just don't understand.

I think that's our brown boost too, Like right.