Hey, hey, Hey, we're back. We're black, We're book Brown Ambition. Hey, the dream Girls Ambition, Ambition, Ambition. Hey hey, Manada, how are you? Hey?
Good to see your pretty face on this your Tuesday morning. It's it's different doing Brown Ambition at ten am versus usually recorded in the afternoon. You know. So we shook it up this week, and I'm like, you.
Don't get this morning energy, which is not. First of all, I love the way the tips of your hair match your shirt. That looks really cute.
Thank you. I'm trying to hide the fact that I haven't done touch ups on these highlights and over a year because I'm.
Too cheap, lazy. Look, it's giving what the girls are doing now. I love the.
Color, you know, a little ombray, a little fall hughes.
Yes.
So both of us have been traveling a bit, starting to get back in these streets doing stuff. I went to for the Congressional Black Caucus for the I had never been before.
Yeah me either. It was dope.
It was like a real quick in and out, but it was magical. I mean, I got to moderate this panel for this organization called the Black Women's Health Imperative. They're like the oldest nonprofit in the country that focuses
only on exclusively on Black women's health. And I thought it was such a cool opportunity because they're actually creating this whole framework called the Fair Work Initiative, which is basically like, if you work for a company and you feel like they are just doing the least when it comes to actually creating like a least a less hostile environment for Black women to work, and you want to just like give them a nudge in the right direction, you can send them to the Fair Work Initiative website
and it's a database that like they basically partner with organizations to analyze the way that they operate, what resources they have, the happiness, the engagement in Black women, and can then give them tools and resources to actually fix things. So yeah, So this panel, it had Angela Rye had the United Way, and had Charlene Wheels, who's this executive leadership coach. I had Adua Asamoa Asamosa. She is one of the co founders of the Crown Act. She was on the panel. It was cool and I had never
moderated a panel before. I got great feedback. It was fun, but I you know, like you compartmentalize things. And in order to like even get myself to a place where I could show up in DC, I had that big negotiating masterclass that I was doing and I just had to focus all my energy on that, so I didn't have time to stress about the the CBC. But yeah,
when I got there, I just went with it. The crowd was great, it was really powerful, and it's the CBC like I never thought I would ed. I mean, it was just like Melanin on a hundred, just beautiful. And I only got one day at the conference. I said, tod the panel, and then I got a chance to walk around, okay, And I went to this huge expo hall and of course they had like double Dutchers and a fashion show, these incredible artists like and all these businesses.
Meta had a huge like NASA was there, Twitter was there. I'm like, these businesses want to buy black, Okay, yes, and it was beautiful to see. But I gravitated towards the middle where they had these black women authors and a lot of them were doing children's books. So I got rio a bunch of cute little children's books and I took the train back to New York and it was it was a fun little trip.
Now I love that. That sounds a'mazic. So I what was I So the last couple of days I've been to I had to speak in Detroit, you know, and so that was how'd that go? It went really well. Honestly, my favorite part was I got to meet up with some of my mentees. Y'all know, I have my mentortivity dot com, and so about twenty of the mentees live in Detroit. So we all had dinner and it was such a good time. Oh my gosh, we had such a good time. It was just nice. I just I
don't know, maybe it's growing up with sisters. I just love hanging out with like women, you know. And so we had like such a good time. Then I came back and then it was super Girl's birthday, her sweet sixteen.
And you know you're screening what what was the what.
She was talking? Yes and so but yeah, so if you honestly, I mean, it's up on my ig you see like her her some of her sweet sixteen pictures that Tanetta's taken. So if you see like our brown Ambition pictures, my a lot of my headshots, some of them. Did you ever get headshots with Tanetda? Yeah? Okay, so
so like a lot of our headshots. Tanetta Bell amazing black woman who who's a photographer, and she just so she did Alyssa's like sixteen photo shoot and it's just the pictures are just beautiful and Melyssa is so beautiful. I'm like, when did you become this beautiful young woman?
Girl?
She's got red hair. It's giving black arial, I know. And then the next day I had to fly out to California because my friend eyvon Orgin she was celebrating this thing called Night of Nigerian Excellence, and it was also on Nigerian Independence Day. You know, they got their independence from the British. So that was really nice. It was nice to be in a room with like some amazing people like the former CMO of Amazon. I didn't know she was Nigerian.
You know, Nigeria is synonymous with excellence, right, I mean, yeah, get to live in you don't get to be Nigerian America and not be.
You got it. You got to raise the bar. But I will say I didn't realize some of the things I learned is that like I didn't Nigeria. There are so many Nigerians. You know, one of four black people is Nigerian. Because the population in Nigeria it's so huge. There's I want to say, it's two hundred million. That's the population of Nigeria. And they haven't done that. They haven't done a census since the nineties. Two hundred million people. And so what someone was like, do you know my
friend who's nights. I'm like, girl, that's two hundred million US. I don't know. So that was excellent and I literally got back yesterday and then tomorrow I fly to New Orleans because my team and I so every year, well before COVID, we would go on like a vacation. We take the team. So the way we do it, this is just great for folks who have businesses, is that one year of my business partnership, Brill's like always you take the team on a trip. We had to figure
out how we fund it. And so the way we funded is that, you know, every month, we make our gross you know, revenue, you know, and then we subtract all of our operating expenses and all the things we have to pay before, but before we take out the taxes, we set aside, I want to say anywhere from three to five percent. I can't remember the number, but it's like three to five percent. I think I want to say like three percent. We put it in our travel bucket, and so every month we would kind of give an
update so they'd be like woo who. So we would update them on here's what we made, here's what we spent to make it, Here's how much is in your travel bucket, and then here's how much. We also have a bonus bucket where it's like, okay, at the end of the year, this is where we're going to draw bonuses, so they could get real clear like the bonus bucket. And typically what we try to do is we try to say March of last year, the bonus bucket was this.
This year, it's this. That way, if you're thinking you're going to get the same bonus less or more, you can kind of set your expectation otherwise. So anyway, you know, because then because I remember one year the bonuses weren't as big, and they're like what happened? And I realized that's my fault because one's the last time I gave the bonus bucket update, and when's the last time I did the comparison, you know, one year we had such an amazing year. The lowest bonus was ten thousand dollars
and that was yes, that was people. That was someone who was making you know, maybe twenty thousand at this company. So like that was how because the way the bonus bucket works is that we set aside the percentage and then whatever percentage you earn from payroll from the payroll pots, that's the percentage you earned from the from the bonus bucket. So if your pay if your pay is ten percent of our payroll, then you get ten percent of the
bonus bucket. So that's how we even that out, you know, so made it really like easy, and then it's so super transparent so you're able to share all the numbers without sharing personal numbers. So not like Tiffany, you're gonna get you know, so you can got to do your own math and be like, oh, okay, I should get around this month. So it worked really well. But the transparency part is is key.
Yeah. Setting expectations.
Yeah, so that way people can know like, oh, last year we did make way more money. This year is way less. And so so with the trip we have not gone on a trip in so long. So we had almost eighty thousand dollars saved up, because typically I want to say we have like thirty to forty thousand, but you know, we haven't gone anywhere, and we were still contributing to the trip bucket, and so I was like,
let's go crazy. I told them, you know, save something for next year, but let's use sixty thousand, like upwards of sixty thousand. And so we're doing all the things in Nola. We always do a spot, then we always do some sort of like fun activity. So we're going to do like a swamp tour, and we always do I know. And so it's really the first one that you get a choice. You get like the slow boat or like the speedboat. The girls is already like, girl,
my wig, I want the slow boat. So I'm honestly, I'm really even though I'm tired, I'm super excited because it's it's like a family reunion of all these beautiful black and brown women that you don't get to see normally because everyone works digitally. And so you walk in and you're like, oh, hey, Tmika. You're like, wait, I never see Tamika and so you're like, oh my god, So the first time you see someone, you're like, you're
shorter than I thought, Oh you're tarlet that. I thought, yes, but it's it's going to be such an honestly, it's such a such an awesome time, and so yeah, I'm just looking forward to that. But then I think next week after that, I have to go to Dallas for speaking engagement and then Dubai with my sister for like Dallas to Dubai child. When I tell you, I was like, who set this calendar? But honestly, November December, who check
it for me? No one, I'm not doing it if it's not on my calendar, which is next to now. Only thing on my calendar is Brown Ambition. If it's not on my calendar, it's not happening. November December. I have shut down the calendar. Only what I love is in my normal, non busy life. The only consistent thing that I have week after week is Brown Ambition. There's
nothing on my calendar, there's no standing. I have Brandna Bischen on Mondays and that's when we tape typically, but and I like that, like I don't want to start to fill up my calendar. I mean, I'm grateful for the fun things I get to do, but like you know, I like the peace of like not doing too much.
Yeah, and not have not being like a slave to your to your calendar in that way. Yeah, something that you said resonated with me. First of all, I also got to meet up with some Mandi money makers in the DMV and we had a little dinner and it was so it was beautiful. And you know when I realized I actually I realized it during FINCN because I went to a speaking like one of the sessions and it was led by a white guy, and as he
was talking, I was like, this is different. I haven't had to listen to a white man, and like two years, I've literally had a moment where I was like, oh.
They still make the same jokes, they.
Still say you dig no. But in all seriousness, I just man like, and I know you had talked about it before, you know, because obviously, budget needs to aid has always been but for black women, by black women, all all of it. But in my business, because I focus on helping women of color, and because I have surrounded myself by other women of color entrepreneurs, and because I'm being so true to this audience, and I'm getting
invited to places like the CBC. But even at the CBC, it's like, come to this moderate, this panel about black women in the workplace and how it affects our health, and I just get the privilege. It is such a
it's so like, it's so healing. I feel like for all those years in corporate when I was like the only one or one a few, and I know so many of us out there feel the same way, and the power of like finding these spaces and getting to be in them so much that I'm like, oh, neat, let's see what Let's see what the cis white guys are up to these days from them real quick. But then I get to go back and yeah, it's just yeah, it's just beautiful and it's a privilege and it really
is healing. So I feel like if you're someone out there who's craving that, find us, you know, even finding my mentor Tiffany, finding the Mandy money Makers, just finding sisterhood wherever you can, Like, it's so healing. We need each other.
Right child, we do. It's funny. I was talking to one on like my like my in person Mente's yesterday, and she it kind of came up where, I don't know if it's a question. She asked her how I came up. She said, when you're looking for a mentor, Tiffany for yourself, are you looking for someone who's making more money than you or someone who's been in business longer than you? Like she was kind of trying to
figure out because as she gathers more mentors. And I said, if I had to choose one, hands down, I like, if I you know, it's like you only get one, there's one thing from this mentor, hands down. I much rather choose a mentor who's been in business longer than me. I don't care if I'm making a hundred million dollars a year, you know, and this mentor makes two million dollars a year, but they've been in business sixty years. I would choose that. And she was like, really, I said, girl,
anyone can hit a lick. That's what the kids say. I'm cool now, meaning like anyone could get lucky and like, you know, like get a bag, you know, like oh my gosh, you know, at the right moment, at the right time. So I know, I have friends who've made millions of dollars during the pandemic because it was just the right moment in time. See them in five years, I don't know, you know, I pray that they continue
to do be successful. But there's so much nuance. Like I always mentioned my friend Cabral because he's one of my gutu, but really Cabrell, the real genius is Mama Denise. Okay, like elegant Eyes has been in business I think over sixty years. His grandparents started it, then his mother took over, and then he and his sister. They have been through the Newark riots, they have lived through multiple recessions, they
have lived through the pandemic. This is a brick and mortar with physical products, glasses, and it's black city, serving black people, having real in person employees, you know, Like I don't know that there's a harder business to being. So there is nothing that Miss Denise has not seen, conquered, lived through and is still here to tell and profitable still So even though I mean I don't know, obviously I can't count the paper. I don't know you know
how much they make. But let's just say I'm making way more, you know, because I'm Internet, and my overhead is lower there I cannot compare myself to Miss Denise in her knowledge. There's literally times I'm like, Cabro, could you ask your mother what else to do about? You know? And so I mean, certainly there's things to learn from someone who's making a ton of money, obviously, but to me, like, I'm wanting to be here for a long time, and there are just some people who, you know, like I
just can't imagine. Literally there are scenarios that I will share at Cabrill. He be like, oh, you know what, I remember my mom dealt with that in two thousand and one. Let me ask, And I'm like, there's no scenario that I bring up. And when I tell you, I am just so grateful for I'm like I told him, like, yo, as much as I pays, I'm my business coach. You my business coach, because there literally there are some scenarios that seem so wild and crazy. They're like, there's no
one who could guide me through this. Something will say why not call Cobroad to see if he's lived through it, and he's like, oh yeah, yeah yeah, and the advice he hasn't missed yet and it's been years. We've been friends for like eight years now. The advice that he's given me has been invaluable about how to navigate business.
So I just say all that the same. You know, when looking for business mentorship, not even just business mentorship, I think mentorship in general to not your turn your back again someone who might not be making as much as you aspire to, but has lots of experience, because there's so much value in that. You know.
It's also the trap of thinking that people's followers equate to business success. Speak on end listen. I have been in the rooms where I have been overlooked and I know exactly why, and it's because, oh it's you know, they do like the little quick cell phone. Who she oh not that many?
Okay?
And then I feel dismissed, but I know better, like there's there are in this space. Especially since TikTok has become so huge, I feel like people will start to quate your value with the number of followers you have.
But as the business coach I've been working with outside of Tiffany, because you know, Tiffany has other things to do besides just listening all day, her constantly reminding me like we don't know their business model and and a lot of people have even asked me like, how did how did your you know, Master Classico, how's your webinar going? Because I had this huge following, I don't know how to leverage it and how to make a business out of it. So yeah, I love that you said that.
It's about that substance, right, Yeah, so you got miss you got Miss Denise on on speed dial or.
You I've been walking into elegantized like, hey, miss Denise.
She survived Willby Parker too.
I mean yes, literally, when you think about what this woman has survived and thrived through, Like I've never gone to eleganize in this empty that place. It's right in the heart of downtown Newark. I mean, I don't think
people understand what happened in the sixties. You know, we racial unrest was still here, but it was a very volatile time and at one point Newark was kind of like them this is where like you go if you were like upper middle class black And then they killed I believe the police killed a young black boy and the city wasn't you know, rightfully so angry and they basically burned it down and you had to put in your window, black owned business, you know, to hopefully survive,
and so do you know, and so imagine after the burndown, and what happened was a lot of because new Ork is also middle class, not just for black people, for white folks too. White flight happened and they fled the city and then they took all these resources with them, and so Newark limped along. There was no funding, no money. It was dangerous. And she was still here, you know, or her parents at least. And you think yourself, and the thing about this Denise, I'm like, I'm I'm understating
how amazing she is. It's not just elegantized. Miss Denise has owned I hops just because she's like, I just wanted to try a little franchise and can you imagine a black woman, you know. And then at one point she owned another, she owned a couple of restaurants. She owned She's not Jamaica and she owned a Jamaica restaurant. I was like, just wanted to try my hand. She's owned apartment buildings, just want to try on my hand.
I mean, can we mister? I'm telling you she is like business idol, you know, because she has taken her knowledge and has applied it to all these different types of businesses and been successful in all of them. And then it's still here and still doing so well, still profitable. You know, she's a staple on the community. Like literally, if you see someone in new glasses, nine times out of ten, like elegant eyes are like girl, you already
now you know? And so I just you know, I think that, like Scott's the reason why I mentioned it. I saw a post where a woman who was a business coach who's been business for thirty years before she even started coaching, said that she felt really frustrated because the coaches that were doing really well are the ones, you know, who were flashing their Lowis bag and their Mercedes or whatever. But they had not they had not
had the experience in business before they started coaching. And she's just just really frustrating in this field that like people will literally be like, yeah, but you don't look fancy, so I don't want to work with you. And so it just had me bring up. So hopefully those of y'all listening will understand that, like, certainly it doesn't mean your business coach can't both book fancy and have the experience, but to choose based upon substance, you know, if you're
really wanting to like, you know, be coached. But yeah, just like she's literally like my eye on. I'm just like, that's because that's how I want to be. I don't. I don't want to be like a singular entrepreneur. I want to be like, oh, you know, I want to try my hand in this thing. Maybe I'll get apartment buildings,
maybe I also open a restaurant, you know. And I'm like, and to see a woman who did this when black women were not did not have the access that we have now as much as we struggle now as black women, imagine back in the sixties and Miss Denise was like yeah, okay, and the limitations are and she still did it. So it's like, yeah, I told her, bro, that's our mother on the show. I know she'd probably be like video. She's a tough cookie. She don't let nobody talk to
her any kind of way. These men be come out of there, and she's because you can imagine that what you what you think that she's like tough and like yeah, and I don't care if that's a man. Okay, bring that same energy you know, like because you have to be a badass, yes, but just the sweetest and most beautiful woman. So yeah, So do you want to go? You want to switch? Turn on over to Brown Boost Brown Break? Is it that time? Oh?
I think we need to take a little breaky break first, let's take a little pause. We'll be right back y'all with Brown Boost and Brown Break and we're bagging me at like a oh sorry off the side. You ever heard of chicken bone beach?
Oh? Yes, yes, in New Jersey. I've been there.
You've been there. Yeah, Okay, maybe i'll boot.
Okay, because there's a you should you should come one year. There's this well one of my friends does this thing called black Girl Beach Day and she does you.
Guys talk about it on Brown Boots.
I think I am, and we're back and black it's time for I can't I said b a Q to do. Now it's time to boost. Is you going booth? Are you going break? What you're gonna do? Which one? Will you take? Boost? A break?
Yeah?
Let me riddle me this. Do you have something positive or are you breaking or you're boosting?
I'm boosting?
Okay, then let me go first because I have something that's positive. So I'm like, we're gonna en positive, though I am breaking from so after Drell passed away, you know, people really leaning and they want to help you. But now we are getting to the We're crossing boundaries segment of the show. We're literally I was like, I'm not gonna say no name, but they know because this is when I told them, don't come in my house when I'm not here, don't close no windows, don't like I
have a we have family, have family members. Not my family, I mean my family, but like not my like not the least chase side. I'll just say that. Folks being like, oh, I got the key from such and such and it just I'm like.
Oh from such and such.
Whop I mean sorry, you don't know. Oh you could go ahead and get no. No, no, no, no no. So I have two phone calls. I already made one of them today to say if I'm not barring, the houses on fire and you have to run in and like, you know, put it out. If I'm not home, I don't care what you need in the house. The only three people that could come in here are my sister who's staying with me currently, Alyssa and myself. That's why I have to tell Like I'm like, oh, because I know you
had left the light on. I got money for the light bill. It'll be all right. I noticed. No no, no, no, no, no no, and so just like you know, yeah, because here's the thing is just because I said, picture me coming to your house and just like looking around. One time I had come up with vacation. My car keys removed and like it was like oh yeah, and I just was like, where's the things will be moving? And I'm just like, oh no, no, no no. So I
have to have a nights come to you. And I understand the intention is to like, you know, I want to be protective. I want to and I said, you and I at the same age, I'm going to you're in a dumb and although I love you dearly, don't come in my house unless I can leave on me because they have a key interest in there. Imagine going to your house boom boom boom, boom boom. Is that tiny just walking in? What y'all doing it here? That
would be crazy? And I said that would be crazy and it's crazy now, so what if I know Nope, I've given the key to three folks. My neighbor those also a real good friend, and my two my other two sisters. You know, those are only because you give the key to people that you know wouldn't use it. That's how it worked for you give keys because it's just therefore like I got locked out or maybe like ooh girl, I'm on VAK and I know a package is coming and the people be out in these streets
steal in packages. Can you put it, you know, inside
the house or whatever. But yeah, that was just like and I mean, I know people mean well, but I'm like, when did I become an infant that you have to like just come on in and make sure this and moving things around, and like I didn't ask for all that, although I appreciate like the sentiment don't do it, don't do it, you know, like I just it was just really frustrated because I happened twice for two different people this weekend that I was like, I said, I'm about
to hit up list and be like, List, don't let these adults shake you down for the key, because I know probably listened probably like.
Do you know like a nester or a ring or something like that, like an audi.
I do no, no, no, I have a ring with the key. No, no, I have a ring. I have a ring as far as I can see you and speak to you. But I don't have the ring where you can. Yeah, and I might get that, you know, Like, here's the thing. There's no there's nobody here, like, there's no need, there's honestly, there's really no reason why anyone. It's just that people feel comfortable. I'm like, you weren't.
You weren't doing that when Jerell say, first of all, Dree would to cust you out six ways from Sunday because you know he was a cussler. You know, he would cuss you out six ways from Sunday. Like you wouldn't do that. And the truth is a picture of me getting a listen, hey, list give me such and such key. I'm just gonna run up there real quick and get your things. That would not bad, you know.
And so like I just think, what's that word infantilization?
Yes, like I'm all into a child, and you're like, oh, we got to look after Tiffany. No, And if I need help, I certainly I'll ask for it. But you don't just get to come in and out unless I can come in and at your place, you know. And I said, so that's my boundary, you know. And no, Sally, I feel really proud of myself. And the reason why I mentioned this is because if you would have caught me a year two years ago, I wouldn't have said anything.
I would have waited until they did it for the fifth time and then exploded because that was my way. I didn't feel comfortable setting boundaries with people like Mandy and I were just talking. I said, like it was like yesterday and I was like, Mandy, I don't know if I want to do I know we were supposed to do like more YouTube lives And I said, Mandy, I don't know if I want to do YouTube lives in the evening. And then she was like, well, you
know you're you brought up the evening as best. I'm like, yeah, I did, but I don't know that I want to do it. No, not even I don't know. I know I don't because I'm overworked and overwhelmed and I want to pull back some of my time. Because if I don't set the boundary, how would Mandy know? I would just be showing up like I don't want to do evening time things. But it's up to It's not anyone
else's responsibility to read my mind. You set the boundary, and certainly sometimes people need to be reminded, and so like I'm like if I don't say so, I'm proud of myself because Tiffany now is like it happened yesterday, I'm saying it today, like I'm setting the boundary. It's definitely with kindness, you know, certainly, you know, you escalated, people don't listen, But honestly that's not gonna be the issue.
That's not you know, I'm not worried about that. It was just more so that like the fact is that the thing can happen, I can speak on it and then we can move on. But yeah, it was just like I certainly was like, what the hell is going on? Like, y'all can just be walking? Can I walk up your house?
I think if you love someone, you accept their boundaries. Right, Yes, you say no, can't do it. I'm like, okay, trust you, respect you've done. It's a different deal.
Yes, thankfully. One thing that drove it that was really great because he was always so so particular about our safety, is that we have these special cut keys that cannot be reproduced at like a home depot or even the hood spot, Like if you try to take it theod spot, ask me, because I know I was like, can you I was trying to cut keys to my system? M hm,
you have to. Literally there's a company that we have to order them to be mailed and so there's no so literally, you know, when it was just myself, Tracy and Alyssa, those are the only three keys. Even if Alyssa gave the key to somebody, they couldn't just secretly make a key and then come in. So all in each door because Jarrell was super anal that each door
has its own separate key. So I have three doors a side door, so if I lose the front door key or whatever and I have to order my separate cut key, I still have the key to the side door if I have to change the lock. So he was always very protective over our safety, which I love, you know, But yeah, I like that too because I would be nervous, like, well, lit's how many people you get the key too? Do they have copies? Well no they can't because you know, hers is the only key.
But yeah, I'm gonna talk to her again. I'm like, I remember I said, don't guess, I just that's my key. She's sick, likes I know she doesn't know. Yeah, so I'm gonna be like, just in general, if someone says, can I have the key, say let me ask Tiffany. I'm gonna give her that language, like, hey, let me ask Tiffany if that's okay, because you know, in her mind she probably was like, sure, hight not. We're all family,
and it's like we are. But yeah, so that was just my brain, my brown break boundaries.
Are people starting to ask you or do you feel expectations to do something for I know, it's coming up on a year since he passed, which is.
Yeah, I mean actually a year, but I know Tony actually asked me yesterday, our attorney, Tony asked me yesterday because my birthday comes up in two weeks. And then she asked me, like, what I'm gonna do? And honestly,
I don't. That's one reasons I'm taking November, you know, like I'm just because I don't know my I might just say, you know what I'm gonna, you know, go to like how I did with our first wedding anniversary that I just went to the you know, upstate New York and got an airbnb, so I wouldn't want to have the space to decide what I want to do. If I'm being honest, I still have not gotten his headstone, just because it felt too real. But I think I finally am ready to do that, you know, just because
it just felt like this is really happening. I didn't, you know, I wasn't in the space. So I think I'm going to do that. And I don't know, like I have the month basically off except for Brown and Miss. The great thing is I can tape this, you know. Wherever I'm going to be, I always check they have Wi Fi. We can tape. But so, yeah, I don't have anything planned. You know. We were thinking about maybe doing a balloon release.
You know, I'm just asking in the sense that like I don't expect you to do anything, and I would just feel like it would put extra pressure if people were expecting something from you, or like want or like like projecting what they think you should be doing. You know.
You know, I've gotten like really the day shout out to doctor Green, because I've gotten really so much better at allowing people to have their expectations of me and saying okay. And you know, because old Tiffany definitely tried to live up to everyone's expectations. At one point, I was like, I don't even know my personality. I just shift. I'm a shift shaper. You know, like this is you
need haha, laughing Tiffany. You need serious Tiffany. Because it was like whatever I could do to just get along, I want to be amicable. I'm easy to get along with. And it was just like, you know, I was like I was a super people pleaser, but I did not please myself. And now you know I can. I'm so much better at being like you know, because I'm sure there are people who are like, she ain't get a I mean not brand a bitch of listeners. But I'm seeing on Jarrell's family, she ain't get the um the
you know, his his tombstone or whatever. Yet honestly, no, and not to say I don't care, but I don't care, like not I vis youer a lit, I don't care, but I just I'm like, whenever it takes me three years, so be it unless you want to buy oh okay, you know, and so like I get to decide. I'm feeling very comfortable, and I get to decide whatever it's
best for me because everyone is an adult. The only person that I make a concerted effort to go above and beyond for is Alyssa because she's a child, you know, and I feel responsible for her upbringing and well being. But everyone else, I want you to be well, and I want you to do well, and I'm here to help if need be, But I'm not here to look after you because you are an adult. I have to tell them about that. I'm like, everybody here is grown.
You got your bills, you got your own like you're Alica, the only non grown one that's my That is my financial emotional deep concern, like do I care about everybody? Yes, But ultimately, as adults, we have to make a way and see our way through ourselves. And I was trying
to put everybody on my back and do everything. But yeah, so even if people have expectations or want me to do this or want me to do that, people are free to make their own plans now my house, but they're free to make their own plans wherever they are, and I am free to decide whether I'll participate or not. I don't know what I'm going to do. Honestly, I might not be here, you know. I might just be like I'm gonna go to Florida, or like I'm gonna
go someplace warm or you know whatever. Or I might just say, hey, come over to the house and you know, and we'll have you know, we'll have to I don't know, but I just know that it's I don't feel the pressure of the expectations as I would have before that, Like doctor Green is an amazing therapist, So I don't carry around that guilt with me that I used to carry around. And I know what I love about Jerrelle is that likes sweet as jero is. He was a badass.
He would be like the people and he wouldn't say f you know, like if he was here right now, jured be like, who was coming in my house? You would get cussed out, you know, he would cuss you off and they'd be like you want some dinner? You know? Like that was so like I just, you know, so I feel more than fine that whatever I decided, I'll be like, baby, don't don't let them. He was like, you always let people want roll of you. You want
me to say something. I'm like, you can't talk to the brand on my behalf bait because you gonna cuss them out. I'm gonna be fine, you know. And so he was very protective exactly, and so like I just say all that to say that whatever I do, I know that Jarella is going to be like, whatever you want to do, that's up to you. I know that. Like my biggest concern is I certainly will ask Melissa, is there anything particular that you want to do? Well, I'll get don't do this because I know it's like
kind of sad. But on a happy note. For Alyssa's birthday, I was trying to figure out what to do for her sweet sixteen so we can switch gears to a happy brown boost is that I decided. I was inspired by my friend Bozman Saint John because she does this for her daughter every year on her birthday. So I sent her some flowers and the card. Although I can't give you the world, I can help you see it. And then for your sixteenth birthday, you can pick anywhere you want to go in the world, and we're going
to go. She was like, I know, yes, girl, because you know listen is boo. She called me screamer. Yeah, you already know first of all, listen. So I told her, I said one, I said, because she said I know where I want to go. Because I called her. I said, did you get your flowers? She said yes. I said, did you read your card? She said yes, and she
said I know where I want to go. I said, before you say, don't be basic, I almost like, don't choose, like you know, I'm not gonna say any countries because I don't want nobody to be mad because you know. But but I said, don't be basic like stretching girls. So she was like, I want to do a European tour.
Me.
Well, I told this girl one place in the girl She's like, I want to do London, Paris and someplace in Italy. I'm like this, I said, okay, so we're going to do that. I think probably for I don't know when spring break is, but that's when I'm I think that's probably the best time, like during her spring break and yeah, like I've been to Paris, I've been to London, I've been to Italy, but I don't know where in Italy, Like I want someplace you know that we can spend like three days in each place, so
like two days in each place, you know. But yeah, I'm excited to like take care. She is old special, I know, and so like Geral wanted this for her too. Someone told me the other day, despite all the trauma and the grief, Tiffany, I hope you realize how blessed you are. And I do realize that, and not because of material things. But I have some really amazing people, even the ones that be open in my door. I
have some really amazing people in my life. I do, you know, I have so many people that really like love me for real, for real, I have amazing friends. I've got Mandy. Y'all don't even know. Like when I was on grief leave, how much me and Mandy and I talked like hours of me just walking on the beach and talking. You know. I never once felt pressure
to come back to Brown ambition. I always felt free because you have to have a friend that you can feel free to say when you don't want to do something and not be afraid that they're gonna be mad at you because it's quote unquote not what's quote unquote best for us both And so like I'm really really fortunate, and I don't want to forget that despite the loss, I have so much, you know, as it relates to like the people who care about me, and so I
can't wait to do that for her. And you know, I'm like, Lord, So if you guys have any suggestions about if I do London, Paris, we're in Italy or maybe some place of maybe it's Barcelona. I don't really I'm not good at geography, so I'm trying to figure out, what's you know, two and a half days for three days a piece, and he's like, where where can I go?
Feelings, Well, we did our whole honeymoon in Italy, so I got some ideas. Ooh okay, yeah no, that's so exciting. Yeah, I mean in terms of like, the one vision I have of you is at Darrell's homegoing and being so
devastated but also feeling so I've always like relief. I just knew you'd be okay because the love in the room, the support in the room, you know, and even checking on you now, which I don't feel like I do that often, but you never know what someone's going through when you know you're off, you know, in your own time and things like that, and trying to find the right time to ask, like how are you doing and if you're feeling this certain way, And I was like,
you know, just wanting to check in and see, but I'm just like, you're so strong.
And it's not just it's not.
Just like a what do you call it, like an artificial strength, like being strong to be strong because you're supposed to be strong. It's such it's born at this internal strength of love that you're surrounded with and support and all of the you know, those relationships that are booing you, and it's just as beautiful to see. And I feel like for anyone it's we talk a lot about financial resilience, but it's like that it's that inner
resilience and that like relationship resilience. You know, what kind of a person.
It's Still I would say, like more times than not, I'm going to cry through the night still, you know, because it's still so hard, especially at night because that's when we like really hung out and talked and laughed and you know, like this house is filled with so much love and I literally can look at every spot in the house of all that time we painted this part or we should sit on the counch and do
our like recap. Like one thing that I really love that I do with Terrell now his twin is that like after an event, like he doesn't even realize that Jowl and I would do that. He calls me and then we recap the event and talk about our favorite parts. Jerrell and I used to do that, like he'd be like, oh and Themember and then and we would sit on the couch and do that. I remember the first time
to real call me. It was after his birthday party and he called and he said, oh, man, Diffney, thank you so much for hosting the birthday party at your house. And this is my favorite part and this and that, and I just thought, like it's almost like Jirell sent him to be like, you know, Tiffany and I would normally recap, so go ahead and call her so you know.
And so he still does that, Like after Alyssa's party, he called me, and you know, we recapped her party about how much fun was and I just like this said, I'm surrounded by so much love and it doesn't diminish like the grief, but I also know that like I
don't know, it's like you live in two worlds. You know, there's this one part that's like, damn, I'm so sad he's not here, But this other part that's just like, ah, there's so much life to be lived still, and I really do believe that you meet up with your loved ones one day and so it's not the end, you know, and so I just am just like, there's still life to be lived. You're here, so what are you going to do? But like because I would hate that, you know,
be ninety years old. And then I finally passed away at ninety five to meet Jirelle And he's like, girl, you wasted all that time you could have been having five because now here you are here, you know, you don't waste the last fifty years. Boo hoo, went over fifty years. You know, you could have been enjoyed, yes, because because he's gonna be like you know, you could have been enjoyed because she was gonna get here with
me anyway. You know, Like when like I was talking to like a million enrollment, but especially a million, and she was just saying and then a million of time was only four or five. I think she was four when Dreel passed away and like I kept saying, like, oh, you know, uncle Joel's I hear any uncle truck? And she said why do you keep saying that? Like a million hes sassyrself, and I said, well, you know, I just want you to know that Uncle Joel passed away
and you're not going to see him anymore. And she was like that's not true, and I said, well that you know it's true. She said, no, I want to see him in heaven. And I asked, Carol, you told Amelia that Jarrell's going to be in heaven. She's like no, and I was just like, I swear kids have this sixth sense, you know, because she wasn't sad about it. I'm like, you know, uncle Joel's not here. She's like, I know, but we'll see him. And I'm just like it just gave me like you like, sies.
Are closer to heaven than we are. Girl, there like I think you know. And I'm not a very religious person, but I do believe they were just there.
Yes, And that's what I felt like that she was basically saying, like, girl, it was cute over there, So I don't even know why you're crying because if he's where I just came from Sis. So I just was like you when I tell you that, the way it gave me such peace because she was looking at me like Auntie, like you keep saying it, Sis, he's at that place where I was before. It's cute. Yeah he's
not here, but we all see him. So I just like, yeah, I just I don't know, Like, certainly, there's some days when I'm rolling on the ground, and then there's some days when I'm just like I'm really you know, I'm happy or least joyful in the moment, and so but I don't I don't take for granted just how blessed I am, like I said, surrounded by an inundated with
love and people who care about me. And so like, if you're going through a loss or whatever, you know, I pray for you that you are loved as well as I'm loved with the people who, like, you know, check up on me, pray for me. There are people who I don't even know who I know, pray for me. They'll hit me on Instagram and say I was thinking about you today, not just said a prayer for you.
I'm like, you know how powerful that is? And I just, you know, it just it just feels really good knowing that, like, you know, I'm on this journey, but I'm not by myself, and grief is something that we'll all have to experience at some point. It's just made me a more empathetic person, you know.
Yeah, and you're doing it on your own time and a healthy as best as you can. So so proud of you. As always, this was.
Supposed to be grief episode. What's your brown Boost? Mandy?
How am I supposed to come up with anything after that? I'm I'm booset Rihanna at that Super Bowl? Uh?
How do I know about that? Rihanna do it the Super Bowl?
I mean, I know she has all these hits, okay, but I'm like, are we going to get new music? I know we're supposed to give her space to do whatever she wants to do. She's like a black billionaire, one of the only black female billionaires in the world. We'd love that for her. But yeah, I'm excited. I feel like it's been a long time coming.
But do you think like those people were mad, like, oh, you supposed we're supposed to be anti NFL.
Oh, yeah, I believe that Rihanna wouldn't be doing it if she didn't see the changes that she felt she needed to see. I also feel like we have to move there, you know, we have to be able to hold institutions accountable and then like decide where do we go from there? And I feel like we have to find a way forward, Like the NFL's not going away, super Bowl is not going away. It's a cultural institution, So like we have to find a way to move
to move forward. And I don't think that it should diminish the work that she's done to raise awareness for things like Colan Kaepernick and you know, like the racism within the NFL and all of that. That's my hot take. And don't ask me anything else about sports, because I ah say, you'll will say yeah, So believe it there. And maybe I'll talk about Chicken Bone Beach next week. But that's another like a little hidden secret that I learned about at the CBC, the history of Chicken Bone
Beach in Jersey. So stay tuned, y'all, maybe on next week's episode of Band Ambition.
But don't forget, we have another episode coming up this Friday. B a q A. No, we have every Friday. If you have questions. We have answers. You can just hit up up at a Broudomision podcast dot com, click like the contact us or ask us anything and you know, submit a question.
That way.
You can d m us on all our social platforms if you have a question there, we literally compile them all. You guys have some amazing questions so business, personal, finance, career, you know, ask us questions all right until.
Friday, See y'all Friday for b a q A hey ba fam. We could not do this show without your support or the support of our team behind the scenes. The Brown Emission Podcast is produced by Cumulus Podcast Network. It's edited by the wonderful Imani Crosby and produced by Tanya Bustos. Dennis Stimplinsky is our in house tech guru, and I am Bandy Woodard Santos, your co host, and I will see y'all next week