Ep 289: What to Do When Depression and Anxiety Won't Let You Be Great

It was almost like I prepped I prepped to be gone. So when I was sick, I was like, Okay, I didn't have the additional stress of like trying to you know, like turn my entire schedule around. So yeah, we had a staycation, but go ahead tell me about Hawaii.

I fell into a like a depression. I've never I haven't been sick in so long, but I had. What was more difficult for me was when I was better, like when I had my voice back and I didn't

have like migraines all day. I fell into this very unexpected depression and I felt it was it was harder to me to be in that state than to be actually sick with like symptoms because I still felt like I wanted to sleep all day and I and I haven't had an episode like that since, you know, since I was like postpartum and I had you know, I struggled with depression then, but it it knocked me on my ass, and it was really hard because I wanted

to be back and everyone was like, you're back, you know, yay, and I was not back. I was not back. So I found myself literally I turned on my vacation response under just because I couldn't. I just couldn't deal. I couldn't, And I'm glad in retrospect, I realized I was. I was pulling some levers that were actually really good coping mechanisms, like vacation responder. I told my family, Hey, I'm fine, but I just can't talk. So I, you know, I

put up some boundaries. I leaned into it, you know, I did all whatever I could within a healthy range, just to just so I like slept, you know, Okay, you want to sleep, don't question why, don't should have would have kuda yourself out of this state? Just sleep, you know. So it was difficult, but thank goodness, I came out of it because I hate it so much.

And my heart goes out to everyone dealing with that because it doesn't feel like something that you can just call out sick for, but I do think it is. It should be anyway.

it's like, well, nothing's wrong. You're like you're not coughing, you're not sniffling. You're like, yeah, but I'm still not well?

for literally just a mental health break. Yes, And that's I've never been more grateful to own my schedule than when I had I had no one to explain it to. I mean, I would have had to take three weeks off of work, two weeks to be physically and then I was in that deep funk for like a week a week and a half after that. Imagine like that's for some people, They only get like twelve days a year of sick leave, you know, and you're lucky if it's paid sick leave at that. AnyWho, I'm just so

glad to be out of it. And when I tell you, I came out of that fog a few days before Halloween, I got it together.

in my in my neighbors. When I tell you the village, I have surrounded myself with these random, strange who I you know, I just moved into this neighborhood four years ago, and I've made like I've just made friends with some of my neighbors, really good friends with so many neighbors. And we hosted a block party, which I decided to do before I got sick and depressed and I thought I was going to I mean, I had texted them. I was like, y'all, I just can't do it. I

had to be honest. I cookies. Cookies felt like the dumbest thing in the world to me a week ago, you know, and like bounce houses and stuff. But when I got out of the fog, they they all they just handled it while I was in my funk, you know, like they we got the permitted proofs, we closed the street down.

up like this, Tiffany. So that's what I've been doing. Like every quarter I have a week walked off. It doesn't mean I have to go somewhere. It just means I'm not doing anything. I know that and so so that way it gives me chance to reset every quarter. So that's that's how I offset. And but yeah, so speaking of my week off, I I went to Hope, Baii. Oh mg, I'd never been to Hawaii before. Which part of Hawaii did you go to? Well? I did two islands.

I did Awahu. So I stayed in like Quakiki, which is very Cosmopolitans with the splash of island, right, So, a big splash of island. So think downtown Chicago for those of you a familiar Downtown Chicago's like super fancy, has like all like the pride of Gucci or maz whatever. Right, So downtown Chicago is like a much cleaner New.

right next to it, you know. So Waikiki was very much that, although we did go snorkeling and we did like with Waikiki outside this if you're too some Hawaii tips, definitely rent a car because it's really not because the things you're wanting to do are going to be far away, you know, So like if you stay in like Waikiki, certainly like where we stayed, it's you know, it's really like really nice downtown and beach and things like that.

But we also wanted to go snorkeling, and we also want to do a little hiking, so we were able to drive to do those things. So you definitely want to rent your car ahead of time. We stayed at the Prince Hotel, which is really nice. It's probably like one of the highest rates. I always use trip Advisor to see of the highest rates rated hotels in the resort.

the Prince. We loved it. Stayed there for four nights and then we went to Maui for three nights, and MAOIs the opposite of raiki Ki, right, So Maori is like just like it's more nature and more like you know, you don't really get like the downtown esque, you know,

like it's it was just so beautiful. Both of them were really beautiful, and in Maui because Maui is so expensive, like like so just to be candid, like Prince, maybe our hotel was two hundred bucks a night, which is what you expect for like a nice hotel in a city.

in advance. She said, cause normally the Fairmont it's like fifteen hundred dollars a night. And You're like, what, yes, like the penny No, for a regular, regular hotel, you're looking at a thousand dollars a night. It is considered not so bad. And I was like, ain't no way. I said, what we gonna do? Because I didn't want to go to Maui. My friend Cabroul had a great idea. He was a girl Airbnb, so we found an Airbnb

that was six hundred bucks a night. So it ended up still being two hundred apiece because we split it three ways. Oh yes, yeah, so it was like but it was like it was really nice. It was a villa, and it was a villa like a complex with like it was a villa complex. It was like a gated community where like like really well appointed villas that were literally right on the water. So it was such a

great like juxtaposition too. We were staying in the city in a nice hotel and now we're staying in this villa, so it felt very villa, but the price was the same as like the city. So that was like that. That's a little hack for Hawaii is that if you're staying on one of the islands that tends to be a more premier, exclusive island to look for an airbnb. Well, it will make sense if you're traveling with other people, it's not it's just gonna be priced girl.

over here. So because usually, like I said, like usually like I you know, I get bumped up just because I travel enough that like I'm on the list, and so like maybe he's done first class maybe like four times in my life, and it's because, like I said, I've just gotten bumped or I'll use points to like bump me up. But yeah, I was like you know what, Tiffany, Yeah, exactly. So it was honestly, it was such a great trip. I didn't do any work. Everything Hawaii. We did all

the things we wanted to do. If you ever want to go to Hawaii and do a luau, you need to book at least like two or three weeks before you go because they go really fast. Luau's are really popular and it's it's an experience that everyone should have, so it's very cultural. Did you do one? Yeah, I did one, thankfully. I So my sister's birthday was on the twenty fifth of October, and we surprised her. I told her that we couldn't get a lout because they're

all booked. But then we surprised, were like, psych, We're going to a louo au tonight. So she was super excited. But it was just like, honestly, it was.

life has gotten easier. I've just gotten better at managing, Like I'm putting those things in. Like you said, you said something really smart, Like when you said that, like, oh, there are the levers that I pulled that it was like, oh, yeah, you know what okay, like you know, my vacation, like you know, responder, you know, texting my family to let them know, letting you know, Like I'm learning to pull those levers so as things, you know, because things are

just gonna get busier. But it doesn't mean that I have to, Like I'm learning one how to recognize the sign like oh, oh, Tiffany, we're starting to get into that space of overwhelm, like you need to. Like, I'm much better having the hard conversations I've been having a lot lately. And I remember being like, I think I'm not going to say it, and I was like, Tiffany,

I know it's hard. Remember what doctor Green taught you that your reaction that you're having is really the reaction of ten year old Tiffany being afraid, not forty two year old Tiffany. Whatever that consequence was gonna be when you're ten is not the same as when you're forty two. Sure is it uncomfortable, but it's not the same consequence. Because you're an adult, you have full agency. And so

I'm getting so much better. So as a result, I'm feeling the anxiety like it's shortening my anxiety time, which has been so amazing that I'm like, it's hard. We fixed it. Oh it's hard. You said the thing, so it's not perfect, but we've said it, and we've shaved off a significant component of the anxiety. I'm just feeling like so much better. Like I said, life has definitely gotten harder, but I feel more equipped to manage, like what comes my way.

You're just gonna sit there. I know how to handle you. I know you're gonna be there, you know what I mean. And it's almost like it's becoming mature enough to recognize that there's always going to be stress, but not being so reactive to it instead of just reacting to those things that stress you were those moments when you're anxious. It's like putting systems in place and knowing what those

lovers are exactly. And it's a good time to talk about it too, because it's November first and seasonal, like with the season's changing, especially if you're in a part of the country like we are where it gets dark, so early seasonal depression is for real, for real. So if everyone's listening, like, just go easy on yourself. I did not get to go on my vacation, but I am doing I'm going to book a facial and a massage.

It's when something has happened that ought not to have happened. So let's just say you were used as a child that should not have happened. Or when something should have happened but did not, let's just say that you were supposed to be fed and you know you were starved.

You know. So we are all experiencing trauma. Things that happened that ought not to have happened, or things that ought to have happened did not, and so none of us have If you are still here and you could hear our voice, you live to a quarantine, pandemic and all the other things combined, we're all experiencing some form of trauma. Now for some people it's hit harder than others,

but it's a lot. And giving yourself the grace and the space to like navigate through, that's just that's all we can do, and hopefully that you're consciously navigating through, because I've definitely been someone who has like not I know it's there, but I haven't done anything about it. And I was like, I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to actively work on on like what does better look like? For me? What does happier look like? For me? What does more alignment look like

for me? You know, it's that communication like you know, like Mandy, I'm so sorry man, you teckt me that message like can we tape later? I did not even see. I was like of course, and I did not press answer was like, oh that's okay.

You know, like so we're like I think that's really one of the keys is too, is that like having conversations with the people that are affected, and you know, because people are more than willing to accommodate you in that moment in time, like you know, if it's if it's possible, if I can't do it. Now. I can do this. I can give you my Wednesday, I can give you my Friday. I can yeah. So just yeah, so I'm just grateful. But I'm sure in two weeks I'll be crying again. But you know that's just how it.

I'm just encourage everybody who's listening to pinpoint like a space for me. It's like my nieces and my nephew that like, whenever things are really overwhelming and I need to leave it at the door, that like I will go see them because I know I can't think about anything else. And so, but pinpointing for you, maybe it's the beach, you know, maybe it's a walk, maybe it's your favorite podcast. I'm brown ambition, leave a great review right if they're.

the Academy. I love the Academy. The teacher in me was like, I gave the Academy a C plus B minus, meaning like I knew we could do better because I felt like we were adhering to like one type of learner who was super autonomous, like girl like I got this, you know what I mean, like a mandy like, girl, bye, give me my stuff. I got it right. But I just was like, well, what about the person that needs

the handholding. I felt like we were we were letting that woman down, you know, and I just couldn't put my finger on how So we're pivoting in that we will still have the autonomis component of the Academy, which is like a library, all these amazing classes. You can take, pick the books off the shelf, do what you need to do, but I'm creating this twelve step path program that will lead you to what I call a richer life,

you know at the end. So it's very similar to like my Get Good with Money, like the ten Steps to financial hollness, but I just added and with the ten steps, I added mindset on the front end and philanthropy on the back end to make it twelve steps. So it's like mindset, budgeting, savings, that credit, learning to earn, insurance, investing your money, team, estate planning, and philanthropy. So it's

these twelve steps. And what I love is I've been reaching out to different financial educators who can teach the complete step because before with the academy, you could take and it still will be there, like you could take a credit course that's forty five minutes, but I realized everyone doesn't have that capacity. So now it's like, you could take this credit course that's like eight modules and

each of the videos is under five minutes. So that's what I feel like, Yes, like, so we still have the If you're like Mandy, you're like gir I don't need all that. Just I could take my class. I'm done, I'm autonomous. But if you're like, actually I want the breadcrumbing. We're finally adding that in and it's just it feels so good, Like I just wanted to share that that, Like you might be in a spot where business or life where the pivot is necessary. We're like, do I

need to add on? Do I need to shift? Like I was telling Tracy, she was saying how she's very

particular my sister who is a publicist. Right, so she's been doing it for like a year and some change and she's been slaying, but she's very particular about the client she takes on because she said, everyone thinks they need a publicist, but she won't take your money if she doesn't think you're ready, because she's like, that's not fair, you know, like I know if I pitch you, the answer is going to be null because they know that

you're not ready. So she struggled with that, like, well what do I do because I literally have hundreds of people who are like I want to work with you.

But I know because she has my other sister, Carol, who's like, this researcher will research your full brand and it says she will assess the likelihood of you getting press and if she thinks it's not likely they won't take you on, which I love, but she said, as a result, you know, I feel like I could have hundreds of people signed up, but I'm saying, no, what do I do? I said, well, what's the intermediary between the person who's ready to be pitched for press and

the person who needs some work? You know? Is there a product in between? And she was like, I don't know. I'm like, well, you already have done this deep dive research. Are you sharing it with folks? She's like yeah, I'm like, well, why is that not a thing that like it's a product? So she started to do coaching now, and she's like, girl,

it's gone so well that she does. She does coaching where you have to do at least three sessions and so they do this deep dive and they say, here's the way you can tweak and fix your brand to make it ready and even too, here's some ways that you can start to get pressed, at least preliminarily for yourself.

And she said that has been going so well, and I'm just proud of her for that pivot where it's like I'm doing you know, level Z is my main business, but I'm leaving out people a through y what do I do? And so she created this coaching program like I'm just I'm sharing that because I'm just like I'm seeing those pivots, like in all of my my friends who you know, post pandemic, post quarantined, Like okay, like

I saw my friend Lovey. She pivoted from she used to make most of her money from speaking engagements, but now she started this like Mighty Networks, which is like a community that you pay I think, I don't know if it's like twenty bucks a month or whatever, but like she created a community where, like some of the resources that she was giving away, she realized that people really want a deeper die, so she created a community where she connects on a daily basis with that community.

So she realized, like, okay, I had to pivot from just speaking engagements to providing additional access of community to me.

And so it just so if you're listening, sometimes we bang our head against like, well, this is the way we know, this is the way we know, and it's like there are offsets and offshoots you can do of what you're currently doing, and sometimes it's just a completely total like a total, like you know, one sixty, one eighty or whatever, three sixty pivot totally, but I just encourage you not to be afraid to pivot to see is this the only way I could go about doing this?

Is there something I can add on? If am I leaving out people who still need services and help? Can I provide that for those folks? I mean, yeah, I just I just encourage that because I mean there was a lot of stress with Tracy because she was just like, wow, you know, I just I'm not finding new clients, not because people are not interested, but I just can't see myself taking money from people who are not ready. And then I was like, don't not in the because that's

not fair. But now look now those very people are like, oh my gosh, this coaching is so amazing, and she's like so geeked by the fact that, like I'm like, I think that you never know this might be the thing you really do, like you maybe only have four clients and then the rest of the people come through in this way, and so like, yeah, I just like you know, I know, as you're as you're working through your business man and you're figuring out like, Okay, what

is my like core base and what am I pivoting to? So, like, what's what's new in Bisland for you?

a day and we're ramping up. At this point, I've done about forty sessions, which doesn't sound like a lot, but that's forty forty women and I have eighty two more scheduled by the end of the year. And it hurt because, you know, when I was sick and then I was in my funk, I had to reschedule a lot of them. But it has been so fulfilling and it's free, it's a half hour. And no, I'm not

taking any new applicants right now. I can't, but it has been And the reason that I put that form up and I made it, you know, detail like you had to put why you're interested in talking to me when you're looking to leave your job? What do you need help with to fill out a form? You know? And I feel like there wasn't one poor quality applicant.

twelve page free download. And when I'm what I'm doing is I've leaned into this whole and I'm just owning my recipe for wealth building and my recipe for career success, which has been to actively quit whenever I decided that I found a new opportunity that paid better or offer

me better careers prospects. And I talk about quitting seven times in ten years and how there's a stigma around job hopping and how that really only benefits employers, but it actually is not true because job hopping I think helps every wom in the end. But anyhow, so I had the just quit toolkit. Now I'm working on quit your Way Rich course, Yeah, which is going to be I know, I feel like, oh course, but no, literally,

it's going to be. I mean, you talk about modules, a ton of different modules, but everything from you know, passively job searching, I mean, and the women that I talk to every day, the questions that they're asking me, I know, I have so much to say and so much to offer, and I talking to women every day kind of as my focus group. I know exactly, you know what the challenges are and it's just been so

that's what I've that's what I'm focusing on. I'm a bit I'm not gonna stay behind because you know, I'm where I need to be. But because of that those few weeks of downtime, but that's my focus. I'm I've stepped away from the consulting because you know, that was my first that was my bread and butter. Yeah, you know, doing consulting, which is one of the modules. That's my course is going to be how to become a consultant.

You know, how to leverage your professional how to do what you're doing for an employer and do it for way more money on your own and not report to anybody, which is a lot of the women I talk to you they want to like consult and you know what the secret is that it's you just have to call yourself a consultant and that's all you have to do.

not working in my passion right away, something's wrong. It's like, no, exis, bills must be paid. So no, that's sounds exciting. I can't wait for it to be done so you could share it with us so we can.

nice to listen to you. It was I felt so weird because I'm like, I could just call, but why not. She's already created this. Why don't I just listen to and what she got to say? And you talked about building a movement and your dream catchers and dream builders, and I was like, yeah, I have to. I want to create a community too, because for me, I don't just want it to be that art, you know, just have a course out there and then here you go, go get it and I'm not going to ever be around.

I like personal connection. I like talking to women about whatever is going on their lives and my life, you know,

and anyway, So I'm trying to create a community. And also I know the two hundred women that I've that i'm in the process of talking to, like they I'm like, you guys need to talk to each other because I'm talking to people in the same like the same industries, and I'm already thinking like, oh, but I talked to like Ashley last week, who's also in and these are women who were like in VP level, director level, these are big jobs and anyway, so I'm like, if I

could create a community where yes, I'm available, but also they can lean on one another. I think that could be really powerful. But what was funny is I'm like, what the hell am I going to call them? Like Tiffany calls them dream builders and like, you know what is Mariah Carey calls hers lambs like Lady Gaga your monsters. But I'm like, are we going to be the quitters? Is that going to be our name? Like we're the Quitters?

oh this is really like this is awesome. I think, I I know we have it sometimes, you know, we we we talk about like our lives and things like that. But it's nice to also, like, you know, dip in and chat about business because I know so many of you guys are starting businesses or wanted to start businesses, or just curious about how does it all go? And so we try to make you know, especially now that

Mandy has come onto the business. We'll have more about that. Well, in the interest of time, I think it's time to segment to boost break Oh boost, break on boost, don't break on?

work button. So if you go to your profile on LinkedIn right now and you look underneath your photo and your and your title, there's a button that says open too, and then you click that and you can actually this signals to recruiters and they can filter. Because I feel like and when I was recruiting as a hiring manager, LinkedIn was my preferred tool of choice. I think it's wonderful. A lot of recruiters are using LinkedIn as a tool

to recruit. But now if you say you're open to work, they can actually see, oh, this person's actually available, like I'm gonna I might have a shot at getting a response. So I really encourage the women I'm talking to to actually go to LinkedIn and turn on their open to work signal, and LinkedIn will do its best to hide I know some people are like, like, worried, oh what if my boss sees that I'm open to personally, I think let them know, like, let them know that you're

keeping your options open. But if you're worried about that, LinkedIn will they say they will try their best to hide that from people who work at your company, and then especially people on the recruiting side who work at your company. So there is a bit of that. You can look at your privacy settings, but I think it's a just simple way to do it. And this is the key though, when you put open to work, and I've actually talked to women, I'm like, tell me what'd

you say you were open to? And they may be open to only titles that they've already had or previous titles. I'm like, be sure that you are open to and looking into, like what is the next level for you and what are those job titles? Because you want to be available, you know for recruiters who are searching for those roles. And some of the women I've talked to, you know, they haven't been reaching or aiming high enough when it comes to their title and open to work.

So that's my my career tip, and I think it's wonderful, my little my little career boost.

how much you've sold. So I've sold one hundred thousand, Well, yea like one hundred thousand copies, like one hundred and like two thousand copies, No, one hundred and two, one hundred two thousand copies. But there's basically over one hundred thousand copies. I hit that. That that benchmark, I'm going to say Friday, you know, so a few days ago. But here's the thing. It took me a while to like cause I was like, okay, is that good? I mean, I know it's good, but I didn't know how well.

So I did a little Google. I was like, how many books sell one hundred thousand copies in there in a year?

So really, there are about one million new books that launch annually, and of those one million new books that launch annually, only about eighty sell over one hundred thousand. So it's like wow, like a quarter of one percent. And I was just like wow, Tiffany, because I'm not really one for soaking things in. I'm like, okay, okay,

next thing. And I was like, no, no, I want you to soak in that you sold one hundred thousand copies plus of your book in seven months, not even in twelve months and seven months, Tiffany, like that's not a small thing. You guys have just like shown up fully for this book. And I just and if you're like, what book? Get good with Money? Hello, because some people might be like, I'm new what book? So I wrote a book gego with money and the fact that it

was on the list for eight weeks. I'm actually going to have a party. I told myself I'm having a party. I'm going to have it probably the first or the second week in December. I want to cater it like a party party, yes, because I'm talking about I want to invite. Literally, I'll figure out what it looks like. But I'm you know, some of y'all be invited. I'm sure it'll be ours VP, and so it's not invite only,

but certainly ours VP. So we can have a cap But I'm going to have a party with the DJ and food because I never marked the time, you know, like I never stamp. I'm like, this is a big deal to me. You wrote this book, get it with money. You poured your heart into it. You wanted to make sure that it really was a guide for especially women, especially brown women, a guide to work them through the most basic parts of personal finance to the complicated components

of personal finance and these ten steps. You did it. You made the list, you stayed on it for eight weeks. You sold one hundred thousand copies. Girl, it's deserving up a party, and so we're having a party, and so I just, yeah, I just wanted to boost that.

Dagon party, Tiffany. We're gonna have a really good time because I want to remember and think back like this was. This is a joyful, momentous occasion, you know, and so like yeah, so I'm just excited about that. I just like, yeah, I just wanted to share that as a boost that you know, that's something that I I Yeah, it's hard to wrap my mind around because you know, the number is one thing.

we deserve it. Are thousand percent. Thank y'all. Thank y'all for rocking with us, and you know, continuing to support the show because yeah, we put everything into it.