Ep 282: The Lost Episode of Brown Ambition

you know, we're very lucky. And you know, my heart goes out to everyone who's dealing with a complete nightmare, including to Nedda Bell.

Essex County where we live. So she's just really it's just you know, I'm gonna actually call her today, so you know, just love and light to you. Toan Nedda, I just can't imagine. I mean to your point, Mandy. Literally it was like house by house, you know, like my house was fine, but the one across the street they're pumping out like gallons and gallons and gallons of water.

not hearts out. I hope you guys are recovering. And you know, if anyone listening to the show has any stories to share or wants to offer support to be a listeners who may be a need, hit us up Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com, or you can hit us up on ig We're at Brown Ambition Podcast or brendambispodcast dot com.

have to recognize that fact. And it's maybe not so comfortable because you know, obviously we want to talk about how much control we should have over our own bodies, which is absolutely true. You should, you know, be your own body's boss. But at the end of the day, like that clock is ticking.

two for free. Yes, she's the bonus kid and so and plus I do so much work and I really want to And I know this might sound a little selfish, but I want to maintain my individual personality and maintaince is okay, you know.

longest relationship. Okay, and you know, we live together and we're kind of we're kind of playing it as we you know by ear. His fan, however, is not waiting, especially his mother. He comes from a very traditional, close knit community and family. I guess it's not giving away too much if I say he's Dominican. So I'm in a mixed race relationship. And his mother is very Catholic and very old school, and she is like the mother of mothers. She lives to nurture her son's two sons.

They are school of rotten. But you know, I feel her looking at me and wondering. Not just feel, but I hear because she tells me, Mandy, Amanda, why why no baby yet?

and I'm the second. The third is not married. The forest is married and she just had a baby, so we're like, whoa, and but just watching her, she's literally like the milk machine. So she's only allowed to take ten paces away from the baby before the milk machine has to return and dispense milk.

lead law. But I'm lucky enough to work for Yahoo and we have sixteen weeks off that's awesome, and dads get eight weeks off and at least I know I have that, Yeah, sort of if I'm still working, you're gonna have a baby to have that kind of cushion. But can you talk about, like I'm curious as an entrepreneur's self, you know, your own your own business, how are you going to plan your leave?

rolls on, I make money. I cannot do that and the kid because one you know, I'm gonna have to be home. I do a lot of speaking around the country, you know, So that's a worry for me. So I thought, well, how am I going to make this work? So one of the things I'm implementing is I'm looking for other ways to make passive income. So I have two books that do fairly well. I'm coming out with a children's

book hopefully that will boost up my income. In two I'm launching this academy called the Live Richer Academy, where it's going to be like a monthly fee and you can take classes on investing in business and all this kind of stuff. And so the Live Richer Academy will definitely help to put regular income into my stream without me having to leave the house because I'm not going to be able to, at least not for a while. So I'd love to hear what the BA audience has

to say. Tweet us at the BA Podcast. You can find us on Facebook at Brown Ambition and you can email us at Brownambitionpodcast at gmail dot com.

this little time capsule. It's really cool to look back and to hear what we were going through just six years ago.

in general adult psychiatry. Doctor Imani was one of our favorite guests because she joined us to talk about how we could truly cope mentally, physically, health wise with all that is happening while we were struggling with quarantine, and now that we are heading back into the cold, cold, falling winter season of twenty twenty one, it seems like

it just seems like deja vu. So I wanted to bring back doctor Aimani and hopefully y'all will benefit from some of her tips on how we can just be a little bit kinder and nicer to ourselves as we finish out the year.

aid or that I had a scholarship. So I would always memorize where the financial aid office was, because is at the end of the year, apparently you have to do like your financial aid wrap up, and I don't know anything about Like I've heard of loans like Stafford loans and stuff, but that didn't apply to me. So I would just memorize where the financial aid office was because I didn't want people to know, you know, that my basically my parents saved up for it. And I

did have a scholarship. My alma maters is Xavier University in New Orleans, and I had an academic scholarship. Yes, yes, but yeah, I never My mother told me when I was a senior in high school. She was like, well, you know, if you want to go to a school in the Northeast, and I'd gotten into like Wesleyan and Vassar, which is my mom's alma mater, she was like, you

can do that. But she like she was really really adamant about me going to Xavier because I wanted to be a doctor, and it's basically a black doctor factory and has been for decades. So she was like, here's the thing. We can pay for your college because it's significantly cheaper, like was much much cheaper than Northeast, like Ivy League suition. She was like, I can pay for you a college, you can get a car, you know,

basically like you can be out here. But when but if you go to a school in the Northeast, you're gonna have to take out loans. And I was like, well then no, I was like, I'm not doing that, so my my. So basically that's what happened. So when I would be at a college, like I said, at Xavier, and then when I was in med school, I knew I mean, the majority of people that I knew who were my med school class were on scholarship or you know,

received financial aid. But and I knew where the office was, I knew the building, but I had just never been in the office because it didn't apply to me. So it's amazing.

those types of situations. I just didn't want to have the conversation of like, Okay, you know, my parents are very they're they're very what's the word I'm looking for. They're very austere and that's what they taught me, and that's what they taught like, you know, my cousins and everybody else in my family. So I always saw money as a tool and not something to just be spent, and I guess I didn't want anybody to think that like,

oh so you think you'll all that. So I actually I haven't admitted this to anybody outside of my circle of friends. I don't think until like this year, because I just didn't. I just didn't want I just didn't want people to know. I'm like, if that's my personal business. And then also the way I grew up, it was like, you know, you keep your findential business to yourself. So we always I guess, I mean like we were solidly

middle class. Then we became middle upper class, but we still you know, went to Sam's Club, went to Costco. Like my mom grew up on welfare. My dad wasn't on welfare, but he he you know, just had two hard working parents that weren't getting a lot of money in did Jim Crow South. So I was just taught to you know, like, yes, money, but like it, you know, it ain't for you, like you, Oh you want outfit,

that's that's cute, Go get a job. So I've been working since I was fourteen, ever since you could have get your working papers in New York. Yes, I remember that.

And then Monday, we were all on lockdown and I was like, oh my God, like, do I have a job Stille? What am I gonna do? So I've pretty much been exclusively seeing patients via telehealth, so either by video conferencing or by the via telephone. And is business booming? Yes? I work at a hospital. I am the medical director and also the chief medical officer at a mental health

hospital out here in Los Angeles called Gateways Hospital. And the patients that I see, because I have a forensic psychiatry background, these are patients who came from jail or came from the state mental hospital. They might have committed to some really like really egregious crimes, but it was due to their symptoms from mental illness. So I basically get them stable and keep them stable. So it hasn't

it hasn't necessarily increased for me. It's it just I had to change the mode with what I had to change the mode of how I was seeing my patients, which honestly, I really I really like being at home honestly. I mean, I think we've both talked about how we were introverts. M h yeah.

us all? So, I mean, what would you say, I know that your you know, your patients have like you were saying, you know, severe mental illness, But what are sort of like, can you break down, like mentally sort of what it is, what's happening to us, what's going on?

I'm like, I'm not watching this shit, like I'm not. I don't need to invite that into my space. So you know, I'll look at the news, like not look at it, but I'll read the news from my news app on my phone for like fifteen minutes and a day, and then that's it because everything else is like speculative and conjecture and things that you know. I don't know if you guys have been noticing this, but like the news that that bubbles up through the COVID cracks, if you will, is some wild shit.

come kind of obsessed with listening tones. But you're right, like it doesn't really change, but something about that has become like a tick for me to want to consume it just to see if something new has happened, or if there's new information.

back in the day. He was like me, now, I was like, okay, sorry, but it was but he so who What he explained was doom scrolling is the act of basically like what you what you explained, like you're in your in your news app, or you know, you ask your nearest AI, you know, machine, Alexis, Siri, whoever, like, oh, tell me the news, be cause it's it's everything is so out of our control. And just being able to at least, you know, ask and ask your phone or ask your device, Hey, can you tell me the news

is somehow comforting because it's something we can control. But then when we start to actually read or it's we're told the news, we consume the news. We are trying to gain more control of our lives. But the problem is that, like I said before, there are certain things that are factual in the news. There are a lot of things in the news that are factual, but there's a lot that there's a lot of a lot of news stories that are very speculative, like we think Biden

might win, Oh, but we think Trump might win. We might think that, and it's and it's it's not doing us any good. I understand that these news outlets need content, but it's not doing us the public, any favors, because it's just creating this this's creating this mood of like I don't give a fuck, but then I'm mad, anxious all the time, it's like, you know, it's like, well, I'm anxious because I don't know what's going to happen day to day. But then at the same time, it's like, well, okay,

well what do you want to do? Like I don't know what can I do. I can't go outside, I can't go do hood rashit with my friends. I can't like, you know, like you do, like I can't like I can't like be me. So to answer your question from like five minutes ago, my bad. I think what's been happening as far as let's you know, let's use doom scrolling as an example, is very similar to what happened in the beginning of the pandemic with the toilet paper, right, So,

why did everyone suddenly want toilet paper? Why did everyone suddenly want bottled water? Like it's not like, oh, we have a pandemic now the water is the water is poisoned. It's not poisoned. It's just that we wanted to be able to have control of something when everything else was completely chaotic, like our world's turned upside down. I went from you know, being a work on a Friday and now I'm home on a Monday, Like, oh, what am

I supposed to do now? And that was really that's that was really scary to a lot of us because we maintained schedule and our mind our minds were maintaining routines that even if the routines were annoying, like sitting in traffic or you know, having to go to work and talk to your coworker who you don't like, they were still things that your mind could count on. So humans are, first of all, social creatures, and we're also

creatures of habit. And when you take away both, you're gonna have what we now have, which is probably the largest global mental health crisis that we've ever encountered. So if we're going to talk about, you know, why do people feel this way? Even why do I feel this way sometimes because again, we're used to habit and we're

used to structure and it's gone. It's gone. Like we're trying to, you know, six seven months in, I can honestly say that I have a better structure, but it's still not what the what I'm used to for the majority of my life. So we're kind of just looking for things to you know, get control over. I think for you know, honestly, for people who are anti mask wearers. Yes, it's silly to me as a physician, like why would

you not wear a mask? Like I respect myself and even if you don't respect me, like you should respect yourself and not want to get sick potentially for me. But I think a lot of it is that they're like, Okay, I can this is something I can control. I can control whether I want to wear my mask or not, even though you know, maybe I'll get a ticket depending on the town or the city, or you know, maybe somebody will yell at me, you know, depending upon the

business they answer. But it's I mean, it's become, unfortunately and overwhelmingly very political. But it just reminds me a lot of like we have to hold toilet paper and water because you know, what's like, what's going to happen. I'm like, I have no idea what was up with the toilet paper thing. But I actually have like obsessive compulsive personality disorder, so I have a habit of hoarding cleaning products. Anyway, So I was actually pretty good, you said.

nasty kind of situations. But it really was until this pandemic that I was like, damn, like people are nasty, Like y'all like collectively, like y'all do not wash your hands like it used to be, you know, like I would go out to the movies and then you know, I would you know, go use the bathroom and go wash my hands in the in the restroom and then if there would always be like somebody in there who wouldn't and we would all be like, oh, like she's nasty.

But you know it was because of you know, like people like that are people who you know, oh, let me drink after you, let me be all up in your face. I mean that's you know. Unfortunately, how you know some of us got sick. Well, let's talk about healthy ways of coping. I mean you mentioned sort of like you want to control something, so like what are the things we can do to bring back some sense of normalcy and control in our lives when everything feels

like it's batshit crazy. Right. So, I think the first thing to do is, and this is kind of the harder, the hardest thing to do, is to admit that your stress. Admit that you're anxious, Admit you're depressed, Admit that you can't sleep, Admit to yourself that you know, even though we've been in this for a long time, we're now at the point where we're quote unquote used to it. We're not on like a fundamental level, but it's like, Okay, today's Monday, I'm going to do this. I look at

my schedule, I'm going to do that. But it's not an ideal situation. So admitting that that you have an issue, admitting that you are not comfortable, like things are not right to the point where it might be interfering with your day to day and interfering with your mental well

being is key. After that, I would think that the best thing to do is for someone to talk to someone they trust, because you'd be surprised, and I'm speaking as somebody who has a history of depression and anxiety, you'd be surprised or I was really surprised at how helpful it was to get my feelings out of my body. And when you're dealing with depression and anxiety, a lot of it is guilt driven. It's like, well, I don't want to burden this person, you know, with my personal

issues because they're going through all this stuff too. And you know what, if that person is a real, real friend to you and they really care about you and love you, they'll listen to you and they'll you know, kind of help you through it. And that person might also be going through things, and you could also serve as an inspiration but that you know, for your friend, the loved one to be like you know what, like I,

you know, like, let's talk about this. I think the third thing to do is to really set a routine. And Mandy, you and I spoke yesterday and I definitely agreed with you at the time, Like I like routine versus schedule, Like a schedule sounds like, oh, this is my class schedule for the day, like these are things that like I have to do, but I don't really want to do, versus a routine, which is like, oh, I'm going to wake up at this time because that's when I want to wake up, or that's when I

might need to wake up. It's a routine to me. Sounds I mean, it's semantics, but it sounds like it's more it's something that I can control. It's more manageable, so, you know, depending upon you know, the person's you know,

lifestyle or what they need to do. I mean, I remember in the beginning of the pandemic, I actually was trying to schedule like cocktail hour during during the early evening, like I can maybe not yeah, like maybe not even drinks, but like CANNOPI is like something like I was just like I need something to just make my day feel like, oh, look at this, We're having a good time, right, And then I think, you know, the other thing that people

really need to consider. And as terrible as this pandemic has been for a lot of people, the one thing that has really been great about it is that there are actually it's actually easier to get hooked up with mental health services because most mental health clinics aren't open, but they do see patients or you know, or referrals

or clients via apps, via video chat, via telephone. Even so it really has, at least in psychiatry and psychology, whereas telemedicine or telehealth was something that some of us were into. Like now we all have to be into it because if that's if we don't get used to it, we don't get acclimated to it, we're not gonna have patients. We're not going to be able to treat people and have and help people feel better the way that we

need to right now. And you know, I think the I think the last thing, and this is gonna sound, you know, kind of obvious, like Captain obvious, but you know I tell people. I tell my patients like, you know, if you if you don't have a pre existing medical condition that's preventing you from going outside, like go outside, Like go outside. Because I'm as an introvert, I love being in the house. I'll stay in the house all

day long. But when I finally am like, okay, we got to go outside, I'm like, oh my god, it's so nice out here, like look look at this, like look at these trees. Like I can feel the air now right now in La and in California, like the whole state's on fire. So that sometimes there's like yeah, maybe don't bring you deeply out there. Yeah, like yeah, I mean I've been in the house for the past like four or five days, so I'm starting to feel

a little bit antsy. But you know, I think exercise is important, like you, like, we really need to find what we can do to increase our levels of serotonin in our brains so that we don't end up dipping into depression anxiety, but unfortunately a lot of us have.

Why do I not have a hundred rides yet? And it's almost like, you know, you can take these little things that maybe make you feel better, but then that becomes the stick that you beat yourself with a little bit when it comes to like guilt and shame.

It was absurd. And it wasn't until you know, I was as we all were forced to take a step back that I was like, what why are you doing this? Like like, are you gonna win something at the end? Like no. So once I was able to slow down, it really afforded me the opportunity. I mean, it was hard, but once I was able to slow down, I was able to really just take stock up, you know, like what do you want? Like what do you want out of life? Not out of Wednesday, not out of this job?

Like what do you want? And I was like, honestly, I'm like, I'm I've been grinding since two thousand. I had a med school two thousand. I'm like a bitch is tired. I'm tired. I'm tired, you know, Like I still want to, you know, see patients and make a difference, but you know, I don't need to, you know, start training for the for you know, a bodybuilding competition or whatever, like these goals I had beforehand. It's it again, is is that it's that desire to have control of your life,

but by distracting yourselves. So there were a lot of things that I was doing just just distract myself because I had to realize that I wasn't happy. And when I was able to do all of those things during the day and just pack my day with stuff, did I feel better?

don't tell me what to do. Okay, that's that's number one. Number two is Number two is everybody should be allowed and everybody is allowed to live their own life as they see fit. And you know, do I do I want to learn how to knit? Do I want to

learn how to you know, do needle? Point of course I do, But this may not be the right time because I'm not able to full I don't have Like honestly, we're at a point where we don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, Like I like, I legit, don't know whereas before the shutdown, like you know, people would say metaphorically like, well, you know, tomorrow's not promised, so live for today, and

you would feel it on like a certain level. But now I feel it and I know that on a cellular level, like I do not know what's gonna happen tomorrow. I don't I don't know what's gonna happen politically, I don't know what's gonna happen, you know, news wise, I don't know what's gonna happen regarding COVID, Like, you know, are we due for the killer locuswarm that you know we should be experienced? What's the point of it? All? About it?

us can predict right now. A lot of it, like when we were talking before, a lot of for me, budgeting is very tied into my self worth because budgeting involves money, and I have you know, we're in a capitalistic We're in a capitalist society, so I have oftentimes equated more money equals you know, better better self worth, which is really terrible in hindsight for me to have even thought that, But that's really what we're taught, right, I would say that.

the most part, Shannane was a hard worker. So I think, you know, if I badge it myself, as Bartin's character Art Lawren's character on Shanne like that that actually, I mean real talk, that honestly is probably what I'm gonna do when I get off this phone call, because I do need to like work on my budget. But I think that that's a good thing to do. Like what like imagining yourself as Wanda, Yes, it's you. Yes, I mean we're kind of used to in this day and

age with social media, imagining ourselves as an avatar. But there's something in psychiatry psychology that we call like like when you when I'm talking to somebody, let's say, who's experiencing depression or has in the past, and I will sometimes ask questions to determine if their goal oriented or future oriented. Right, A lot of us are not goal or future oriented right now, because we don't know what's going to happen from day to day. But if we can kind of imagine ourselves not as our Oh I'm

going to be my best self. I'm going to run this marathon. I'm gonna have like a thousand rides on peloton this month. Like it's not that, it's not it's not like goal oriented, like I hit this goal. It's more so needs to be about imagining yourself in a happy place despite what's going on. Because we are we're in a new normal. It's not going to be the

same way as it was before. It isn't. I mean, I don't know anybody personally who would feel comfortable walking around without a mask, like in the airport, in a restaurant, and you know, like anything like that. So I think it is. I think it's good to focus on what do I like. I want to be someone who is at peace. I want to be someone who definitely feels confident.

And when it comes to budgeting, I know that I was having a hard time last month because I actually was starting to slip back into having some anxiety and depression, and so I was telling Mandy this yesterday I was like, you know, I like there were some bills that they were like Amie, are you gonna pay these bills? Or like what's up? Because you usually do and now you're not. And it was because I was just so cloudy with my thoughts, because some of my depressive and my depression

and anxiety symptoms came back. And honestly, I would say over the past two weeks, as I had my medication adjusted, like I had it increased, I have been more go with the flow, like water off a ducts back. But I was, I mean, seriously, like dressing in bed, like damn you didn't pay your and AT and T cell phone bill, Like look at you, like like you like you really fucking up right now? And it's not that serious. It's not. It's just that I needed to get to

a better place where I felt better. So I think that when it comes to budgeting, it's it's important, but I'm going to have to change my budget to reflect the fact that like I don't go nowhere, I don't have to I don't have to include my restaurant the restaurant portion of my budget where that I would usually use. Now I will say this last month when I wasn't feeling that great. I was I was like, oh, nobody's on Postmates word okay, like and then it's like, oh,

well that's going to cover it up. But then I ended up like feeling bad about it later because I was like, you don't need to do that. So I think we need to really look at the at a budget or this this new normal budget as things that we need not necessarily feel happy and great because I bought a lot of dumb shit and I'm like, where are you gonna go with them sneakers nowhere? Like you don't need these things. But I think we really need to just just look at you know, how can we

make things easier for us? How, you know, do we need to outsource certain things? Does our budget allow for that?

Because it wasn't really until like maybe last year that I was like, oh, I really need to like outsource these things, like there are things that I can afford to outsource, or you know, there were even things that I would barter for other with other people with for other people with So you know, I think we need to get to a point, or people hopefully can get to a point where they feel they feel better about themselves.

And that really might involve someone talking to a mental health therapist or a mental health clinician or a psychiatrist, psychologists, what have you, but also talking about like what are the things that make me me? What are the and maybe what are the negative coping strategy? Yes, that I was using before the pandemic, before COVID, that I've carried with me into this pandemic snacks.

I have several companies that I want. It could be really stressful and sometimes I won't even know that I'm stressed until I'm like, yeah, so what's the last time you slept fully? You know, So just having a place to because I'm like the go to for everyone. There's literally times when I feel like I'm everyone's pulling a finger a toe. Yes, I'm just like like what people are like, I text you, I'm like I have fifty unread text.

my motivation is better because I'm not depressed. I was like, eman, you could have been done that, but I didn't get on myself about it. I was like, you know what, we're going to use this as a you know, a learning point, Like you didn't do it before because you weren't feeling right, and you got some help and now

you feel better, and that's okay, so I will. But something that you said just now reminded me of the fact that a lot of people, and I think, especially like I'm Generation X because I'm I'm almost forty five, so but Generation X, the baby boomers, they always get on millennials and Gen Z like, oh, you are so lazy and youing your cell phones and this, that and

the third. But honestly, I think not think. I definitely know just by following social media trends and whatnot, that if it weren't for the black millennials, we would not be talking about therapy like it's nothing like oh yeah, like cause they'll legit be like, oh I got a therapist, I got an individual therapist, I got a group therapist. Then I have a therapist that I check in with

like every two months. Like they're very pro therapy. And as much as they were maligned and for I guess for being like the quote unquote adderall generation, they are really taking up the charge to just make it very normal. And I really appreciate that. You're welcome.

and then I feel bad. So then I just layered on with more food. And it's it's this like self fulfilling negative prophecy that man, I'm just like, and I start beating myself up because I'm like Jesus Christ, like, you're thirty something years old, shouldn't you be for this

by now? This isn't cute, But again that we're just we're so hard on ourselves, and I this conversation right now is just reminding me like we just as much as as much as I say it, I know intellectually I need to be nicer to myself and just like one day after the next. But it's it's really hard to like be a human today, a black human, a woman, human, age, location, whatever, just a human in your specific part.

I used to act work at a hospital, an inpatient hospital, with patients who had really really severe eating disorders, and the one thing that they all told me, whether they were binging, they're binging food or restricting their food or purging their food, is that they would get high from the maladaptive behavior. So anorexics get high when they're not

like when I guess when their blood sugar drops. I don't know because I'm not innarexic, but they do feel this state of euphoria, and it's kind of similar when you know, I would say most of us, myself included, have gained weight during this pandemic because it's like like last month, I was like, donuts are amazing, and that's really it. So I'd like six, and I'm gonna eat

them every day. I'm gonna eat six donuts every day, and that's that because it is boosting your serotonin in your brain and that's making you feel better, but temporarily, and then the guilts and the shame sets in. So it's interesting that you know, you, even me, we like we're creatures that we can Human beings are are creatures that can, you know, intellectualize anything. So it's like, oh, well, why do I keep doing this? I've been doing this

since I was a kid. It's not something that you can really, it's not something that you woke up one day and decided to do. It's something that your brain decided, well, is your serotonin lo, then let's eat everything and then and then we'll feel better for maybe like thirty minutes. So again, like what you just said in terms of you know, we need to stop beating beating each other

up so much. It's that's really what it is. And I know it's easier said than done, but I've really been trying to on the daily, like just think about things like you know what, like, oh, you had to pay that parking ticket. You know what, it happens, pay the parking ticket, like whereas before I would just look at it and then just get mad and then I flip it over and then you know, I'm like a day before I'm gonna get you know, I have to

owe the city double. Like There's so many things that I have personally guilted myself over that completely make no sense, but that was a function of me having symptoms of mental illness.

it's doctor the word spelled out. Imani and I have a podcast which is called Imani's State of Mind, and it's pretty much everywhere there are streaming there's a streaming podcast platform. Amani State of Mind is essentially me and one of my best friends, and we talk about mental health and mental illness and wellness, but we talk about it in a very casual, pop culture based situation, so it's it's not it's not it's not a sad podcast. Like we're definitely giggling the whole time and just like

just acting silly. But you know, I'm someone who that's my personality. I'm just kind of goofy by nature, and that's how I am with my patients and my friends, and so I wanted to at least show people that mental health doesn't have to be dour and sad and scary. It actually can be a lot of fun. So that's that's really kind of like my baby, So that's why I spent so much time explaining that. But but yeah,

Emani state of Mind, YouTube, Instagram, my website. I guess if you want to see me, you could always go to Bravo dot com. Sorry, BravoTV dot com. I'm one of the cast members of Married to Medicine Los Angeles. Yeah, and I think I pretty much exhausted all of my oh my avenues. What's your address? I know, right, Okay, So I'm just kidding. Well, thank you so so much. This was illuminating.

the common person as opposed to me. Who you know, if if, if you you know, keeps talking to me, I'm gonna start sounding like, you know, a professor, and I don't want to do that.