Ep 245 - Is It Time to Invest My Extra Savings?

whole you know, a whole party on Zoom. But you know, baby baby Rio had a magical first birthday. I will say, though, do you ever get like after a big event you feel like a little bit down afterward? I maybe it was like all the adrenaline pumping, But the last few days I have just been like ragged, raggedy, ragged ragged. It doesn't really help matters that the day of his first birthday. And if you're a new mom and you breastfeed, like your baby you're nursing, you know, throughout the day,

all the time for the first year. That's what's recommended by the experts. And I had always told myself, like, Okay, after twelve months, if he's still into it, you know, we'll try to wean because I would like my boobs back and like my freedom to not have to be, you know, around all the time. And I thought it would be a long process and like I was gonna have to ease him out of it because oh, he like loves mommy and he's so attached and like it's

our special time. Homeboy woke up the morning of his first birthday, took one look at my boobs and was like, no, I'm good, and.

expecting that at all. So I think there's also this little known effect when you stop breastfeeding all of a sudden where you have like like a hormone crash. So I feel like I'm riding that wave down, but it's okay, I'll bounce back.

That's why postpartum depression and anxiety are so common, are not so common but why they happen is, you know, all of a sudden, your body is the pro the hormones you were producing to sustain that life are crashing, and similar things happen when you are no longer breastfeed, and that's why they say don't do it cold turkey. But my baby had other brands. He's like, yeah, I would like to try other things like orange juice and wild sake salmon.

like you're gonna You're gonna do it. You can do this if you got it. And then it came and went, and I'm like, oh damn, no, magical childcare has cropped up and the pandemic is still raging, and okay, we gotta keep going, all right, So we took a moment. We celebrated. Now on to the next marathon. I guess, yeah, yeah, But how my Thanksgiving your affair?

I asked her to do a fright a small fried turkey, which was I don't even like turkey, lamb, you know, so potato salad, corn bread. It was really good. And although we couldn't, you know, like hang out with my parents, I did bring them some food the next day, all massed up, you know, yeah, and then we did Zoom too. So but you know, it's just hard because Thanksgiving is really one of the houses where we really do truly

all get together. My sister usually flies up from Chicago with the baby and her husband because his family also lives in them in Jersey too, so it just feels weird, not you know, not connecting, although it was nice to see folks.

day out. I never want to see cake again. And if you are fortunate enough to be a neighbor, you have gotten at least half a pound of cake delivered to you, because we had that much cake left over. But I was pretty proud. I was. I made, I made. I made him a sloth shaped birthday cake and it was a labor of love. And he tore it the heck apart right away.

one of two days that are your ideal days. And usually, you know, they kind of guesstimate, and because people have like twenty thirty embryos, they're like, oh, well, just guesstimate, you know. But with me, they're like, girl, we cannot guesstimate. So instead they put you through the cycle. We're putting me through the cycle. They do it. It's literally called the mock cycle where I have to go in tomorrow

day one and they're going to test my lining. You do its lining, and then I have to go on day two so they can see, oh, Tiffany's a day two girl. You know. But when I tell you, I'm like, I didn't. I honestly didn't eat that much during Thanksgiving. I stopped at like six thirty. I had one plate. I just wasn't like, you know, super like, I wasn't super hungry. And then but I have been putting on weight like crazy. So finally I called them. I was like,

is it is this? This is this the estrogen? And they're like, oh yeah, girl, cause I'm like, I bot like five pounds and like a week and a half and I've been intimate and fasting, walking and drinking my apple side of vinegarl I'm like, I don't know.

it's just a mock. But then the next time I do my cycles really like kind of like our last hurrah with IVF, and then after that we would just I guess, try naturally, I know.

like hope for something in the future. So tonight I'm gonna I'm gonna think about your embryo and you're u dinglining and it won't be weird all.

a grace. And I know it hasn't. I mean obviously it's been like ups and downs and ups and downs, and I'm really proud, really proud of you. You've been so tough. If this baby, if his name is ain't miracle, I don't know.

oh my gosh, he's like, did you cry. I'm like, of course I cried, Like because you do like a session with her and then she figures out like you like what you need. Like one of my friends from college, she was like, she takes like meds and she was like, okay, you need a therapist that is also a psycho therapist, so that way understands like what meds are going to you know, like how meds are interacting with with your hormones, you know, and other things that you have going on. Stephanie.

Is just amazing because to be able to have a therapist kind of like listen, hear you, understand and then pair you because sometimes you don't even know what you need. I just have to say, like that was just and just to hear the feedback from like so many people hitting me up, it was just it's just been amazing.

And I feel like in such a better space because I start with my I start with my person that she connected me with December eleventh, So I'm like so jazzed about it because it's been three years we've been talking about it, and so to say like it's happening, it's happening, so so happy. Yeah, it's just thank you.

and places that she pulls from. But you know, like how teachers have a ton of teacher friends, she also has a lot of therapists people like in her personal network. So she's also using that network to be like, do you know somebody who and she what I love too. It's not just the connection. She also like takes your insurance information, so if you're like I really need a therapist that works with my insurance, she will find that match as well. So it's like honestly awesome, all around amazing.

We'll put a link to NAVI psych and our show notes and yeah, if it's never too late to start your mental health journey, and you know, maybe we can plug our partner better help if you want like a nice way and easy way to enter entry point into therapy. I know my sisters used Better Help, which is an online talk therapy service, and it's just it's never too late.

And this year, and I think it's the same realization I had after Rio's first birthday, which is like, oh, yeah, we're still in this pandemic and it's been a year. And I think even just like having someone to talk to and reflect on how the last year, how things have you know, been so crazy, it's just so so helpful. So we hope that y'all are taking care of your mental health and whatever way you can. And that's a yeah, thanks for sharing that resource.

Solicitor General. So this guy is just like all and he said he argued forty one cases in front of RBG,

so he's just brilliant. But what he does is every day he does like this mini like episode on Instagram called court Side, and I listened to it to call my political nerves because he breaks down in layman's terms, what's happening as far as like you know, like the the with what's happening with the former administration their refusal to accept defeat, and but also like what's actually happening in the court system, like what what you know, what

what's being handed down? You know, what's what? What's actually happening. Like it's one thing that the current administration will say on TV of fraud, fraud, fraud, but then when they actually file the paperwork in court, they don't say fraud because you can actually be liable and go to jail

for that. So it's just like if you for me, I'm someone who you know, there was a lot of worry for me, but that page helped to calm my nerves because I get to hear from this like you know, legal perspective, what's actually happening, no spin, no whatever, but like, oh, this is what happened in court today. Great, good to know. So yeah, Neil Kata, that's my dude.

family in Georgia. But this Senate race is so so important. And as a quick reminder, there's two Senate seats up for grabs in Georgia at the same time, which is very rare. And these two seats, if Democrats lose them, you know we're really in trouble. I think that if there hasn't been one takeaway from the Trump administration. It's that if the Democrats or the party that you want in power doesn't control the House and Senate, then really policies that you want to get past just won't go anywhere.

So you really need you know, Tiffany and I are obviously progressive Democrat leaning, but we really need the majority in the Senate. So if you know anyone in Georgia, please let them know to go out there and vote. We need big, big turnout. So you can check out I will vote dot com. It's a fantastic resource. It has all the information you'll need on voting locations and early mail in ballots and all that jazz. We'll put

a link to the notes in our podcast. And even if it's not you, but you have a friend, a cousin, an uncle, coworker, whatever in Georgia, it doesn't hurt. It's not pushy. I mean a little bit pushy, but it doesn't hurt to remind them of key dates and deadlines and hold them a tiny bit countable.

handy finetic spelling of her name, Mika. Mika says, my

man and I are so proud that we've saved ten thousand dollars for our wedding. This is the number that I had in mind for what I wanted to budget for a low key event. We've been together for eight years and our domestic partners in California. It's almost like you're married. I don't see us getting married for a couple of years.

being dropped on the floor. Sorry, pocketive cash, you know that is on hold, Yeah, until you get married next year or the year after. This is interesting so with any kind of investing, because you're talking about, you know, taking this ten K and putting it in the market. For me personally, the time horizon, even though it's two years out, is pretty short, and I don't gonna say that yeah right, I mean two years is still you know, especially with the market. We're not done with this economic

crisis that we're in. I know, the market has made a huge comeback this week. I think my four and one K was like, grow you up fifteen percent. I was like, thank you. But it's been up and down and up and down, and I think it will continue to be that way, you know, in the coming months. So who knows what could happen. I personally don't think that's the best move for something that you're going to want to pull out and especially I know how weddings work.

I'm an expert. I was married. Well, any any big event, you don't always pay the day of your weddings. Even though your wedding dates two years out. Your wedding deposits might have to go down within a year, you know. So I and you're and you're buying stuff up until the day, especially if it's a low key event, you're

doing your own flowers or whatnot. I think you just park it in a high yield you know, savings account, maybe a CD, but even that again maybe not over a year because otherwise you're gonna lock it up and you'll pay a fee if you take it out earlier with the CD, and rates aren't that hot and right now anyway. So yeah, that's anything you want to add to that tip.

a short time horizon. Ideally, you like, you know, three to five years minimum to really see if your money's gonna move and shake. And although because I saw this on ig and I'm not gonna lie, it grated my gears. Is that what Peter from Mom Family Guy says? This greats my gears. Grinds my gears? Yes, right, so it grinded my gears. It was this guy who was an investor and clearly, you know, pretty savvy. He was like, my investments are up a thousand percent since the beginning

of the year. I told y'all don't save and to invest your money anyway and to invest your money instead. And I wanted to like throw the phone that because like, great for you. But if someone invested without doing any sort of savings in the beginning of the year and their money didn't go up one thousand percent instead it was down you know, ten twenty percent, because maybe they chose individual stocks and you know, they just didn't choose stocks that went up, and now they have kids to feed,

so what are we saying. So I just like, investing is not the end all be all it's gonna save you from all the things. So it should never your You should never put money in that you absolutely need in the next ideally in the next five years. So so, like I said, if you are going to put a little something, maybe twenty five percent, twenty five hundred dollars and see where it goes. But knowing that, you know what, at least we have seventy five hundred that we can

rock and roll with. But congratulations, that's you know, that's awesome.

saving due to what's going on around us. Prior to this, I was doing a decent job and I was planning to pick it up this year, but furlough changed that but thank you for saying it's okay. We pressure ourselves sometimes and we just needed to hear that for her.

I get it, I shouldn't have used my credit card to buy all those clothes. Okay, we're here now, now what so I just I'm literally sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm just like Tiffany, I get it, But how is this helpful? Like, you don't have to beat yourself up. It's not helpful. It's not healthy, And it's okay to take responsibility. This is something I think it was Stephanie who said this, Either Stephanie or doctor Green, who I'm working with now. I was sharing with her.

I was so proud of myself. I was like, yeah, I'm really self aware because I know that I mess up like this, and I mess up like that, and I did this. She's like, hmmm, I don't know that that's self awareness. It sounds like you're just critical of yourself. I was like, wait, what, because I was so proud that I easily point out every flaw of mine. And she's like, tiffany self aware is to see all sides of yourself, that you're aware of yourself as a complete,

flawed but also fabulous human being. I don't hear any of the fabulous. And I was like, yeah, so next week. So I just think that that's important. That we are really hard on ourselves, and I think especially women, and I don't know, just giving you a big old financial hug. You don't have to be perfect. You just do the best that you can with what you have, and then when you have different than you do differently.

I don't want to do it for y'all. I just think that is a recipe for just discontent, you know, and lack of joy, and it's no way to live. And I think the older I get, the more I realize that. All Right, Well, thank you for that message, Melanie. That was really sweet.

I'm thirty three and the eldest of three children. I'm

also the only child that isn't married or has kids. Here's the issue I need advice on. My parents are over fifty. My mom is the primary bread winner slash bill pair and makes decent money in the healthcare field working as an independent contractor. Neither of my parents, though, currently has health insurance, life insurance, or has money set aside for retirement. My mom does have about twenty K and savings because she has to pay her business taxes.

How do I get them to start thinking about setting money aside and what types of investment slash retirement accounts should they be looking into. I feel like I'll be the one responsible for their care when they're no longer able to care for themselves, and think that if they have even a small nest egg, it will help me sleep better at night.

and excellent read. Well I listened to it via audible, but still whatever that's reading. So now I'm reading The Catalyst, and the Catalyst is how to change anyone's mind. So what's her name?

the field. So figuring out what's the movable middle? What I used to say with them, for like people who would reach out to me about their significant other is I would say, find the common denominator, find something that they're that they're already in a gre like with Superman, he was not a good saver, he wasn't an overspender,

but he was an overgiver. He gave away all his money and the only thing that we could both agree upon was Supergirl, his daughter my bonus baby is that he always agreed we should put a set aside money for her. So I started there. It was like a year of like, yeah, I know you want to give such and such a cousin all your money, but did we put money in Supergirl's account? Oh no, I didn't. Okay, you know I'm gonna do that instead, and I'd be like, whoof.

So from there that was a movable middle. So if I can convince him to save for Supergirl, then I can convince him the say for vacation, that I can convince him the safe for a wedding, that I could convince the safe for a house, and then you see what I mean Now, like Superman and I are like talking about investing and buying the next investment property. But I had to slowly but surely find the movable middle. And now he's living on budget list Island.

children's shoulders. So I think that that's a real risk and a real fear, and I think that I understand that stress. And also you're my exact same age. I see this happening to my elder sister. She's married, but she doesn't have children, and you know, she's she's the one people don't mind bothering because like what she got going on but is not fair, which is not fair. And I will say, you know, to Tiffany's point too, I have been I mean, I remember going back to

when I was a little girl. My mom smoked, like all all of the older people in my family smoked. But I used to hide her cigarettes. I'd hide her pack of misty menthol lights. I would take the whole box and put at the top of the closet where she couldn't find it. I tried to get to quit. I would like post pictures of charred cancer written lungs around the house when I did science projects. None of that extreme, like extreme work on my baby. My baby shoulders did much. It was maybe too much in the

other direction. My mom had to just come to that, you know, realization on her own. So I do feel like you you can, you can state your case and tell them how you feel. But coming on too strong is what I'm trying to get at. That's that's been my downfall in the past. But to Tiffany's point, the comment denominator thing, I think is going to be important, and I think you need to make it about them

and not so much about you personally. I have kind of played that, oh well, if you don't get this under you know, under control, then you're gonna have to rely me. And that didn't go over so hot. They

got pretty defensive. The thing about parents when they're older, is they get really defensive when like you try to parent them, at least in my experience, So if you come at them like I need to take care of you because you can't take care of yourself, I've got a feeling you're going to get some pushback because you know, to their credit, they're they're surviving. Maybe they don't have everything you want them to have, but they're taking care

of themselves. They have you know, stable income and setting aside money for taxes and all that. So maybe you know, make start talking to them more about maybe their their future, you know, where they see themselves as retiring. But I don't know if you agree what really for whatever, what really scares me about her question is the fact that they don't have health insurance and they're in their fifties

Like that to me is quite terrifying. And I get it because look, she her her mother's an independent contractor and they probably you know, they earn a decent income, and those health care plans on the marketplace are very expensive. So if you don't get insurance, they can be very so if you don't qualify for subsidies, right, and I know, I do know people who are you know, small business owners or entrepreneurs, and they just forego the insurance, they take the tax hit or is there tax penalty? I

forget did the Republicans get rid of that? Actually no, I think that was one of the cornerstones of the Obamacare Act that actually Republicans took away with that tax hit. But anyway, regardless, it's it's expensive to get healthcare, but that is probably the biggest risk to their financial future. And I would just say I didn't read this part of her question, but she mentions that she's helped them,

like by becoming that's just my dog freaking out. She's helped them by becoming a co signer on their mortgage. I would just be super careful to not like, because you know, worse comes to worse if they get a bunch of medical debt and debt collectors. Calm. You don't want to put your own financial security at risk. So make sure that whatever you know, you need to put your life jacket on first, or what is it, put your life your oxygen oxygen.

a pulling you along? You need to do this, You need to do that instead of creating environment where it's like, oh my gosh, mom, you know I just signed up. I just use them the health Care your website or policy Genius, which is like a website that many and I have both used. I think you used it for your dad, right, Mandy, And I used it for myself. Before I got married.

I see it's involved. So if you become a catalyst by making the environment super easy by saying, Okay, how can I remove some of the hurdles that she might have in mind for getting health insurance by doing most of the preliminary work ahead of time, because you're right, it is kind of scary, and you know, unfortunately sometimes you know, we have to take care of our parents the way they took care of us. So good luck to you, and you know, if you want, like I said,

Catalysts by Jonah Berger was so good. I mean halfway through it. But it's really teaching me how to not be so pushy and instead create an environment where you know, people get to make decisions for themselves, and hopefully they turned my way.

That was that was a big deal. So and the way, you know, I had to and I thought back in that little girl with the with the cancer lung pictures and all like like, maybe we should try things a little bit differently this time, Mandy, and not like, you know, go so hard. But it was a four year obviously, and it was having really slow, safe conversations around around politics and her beliefs and race and my feelings and stuff and on. I had to really tamp down my emotions.

My little brother and I both and my sister too, you know, put our emotions aside, be open to hearing her say some you know, things that we did not agree with, and slowly but surely chip chip chip away, and so yeah, that's that's interesting. And I I think with and I think, you know, you're at an age two anonymous Sarah, where you're old enough to know, okay, I can't just like come in, you know, completely and

just tell them what to do. It's got to be an open conversation setting, you know, creating a safe space, no judgment, and try to slowly but surely even just bringing up topics like insurance, like and understanding, you know, just kind of interviewing them and maybe see what hang ups they have or maybe why they aren't doing something. Sometimes just asking a simple question, you realize there's a barrier that they could easily fix. They just like, they

just need to tell you what the barrier is. I remember I was talking to my aunt recently and she was like, she kept complaining about her cell phone reception and how her you know, she had no she couldn't never talk to people because it was so bad. She was trying to attend church on zoom and it would never her her cell phone was so bad. And I was like, do you have Internet? And she said no, it's too expensive, YadA YadA, And I was like, look,

you're on public assistance. I'm going to look up a program and see if there's something in Georgia that can offer you affordable Wi Fi. And within a couple of weeks she had ten dollars a month.

To be honest, I feel a little guilty because I did a lot of shopping on Cyber Monday or Black Friday, whatever it was, because big, big retailers are having some pretty big sales. But anyway, so shop small if you can this holiday season and support local businesses. That's my first boost. And then I finally sat down and watched Jangle Jangle on Netflix last weekend.

on these beautiful black performers. The cast is mostly black and people of color. They're singing and dancing. And the

storyline is so good. It's it's basically about an inventor, a famous inventor whose apprentice steals his steals his inventions, his his master playlist for inventions, and it kind of takes place like I don't know, like eighteen hundred z times and it kind of and it features the power of his daughter and her daughter, his granddaughter and helping him get back to finding his own magic as an inventor. And there is a little girl who plays the heroine

of this movie. And she is like a mathematical genius and she is beautiful and she sings, and she is adorable, and there's like a little and her and her and her her sidekick. His name is Edison. It's like really adorable British black boy, like you don't see Carol, like, this is them. It was so good. I'm gonna shut up down, but it was amazing. And I hope there's sequels and three quools and all that because it was that that good. They really did that movie Justice.

so many people know that, you know. Years ago he signed a contract with Comedy Central and it was like a fifty million dollar contract. It was a banner contract. Chappelle Show was one of the most popular sketch shows in history ever made, but he walked away because he it wasn't in alignment with how he wanted to show up. I'm not certain of the of the specifics of why he walked away, but as a results of walking away,

they kept, you know, they kept his creative property. And he's like, yeah, I signed a contract, but it was a crappy contract. And so you know, we all know he's made a huge comeback. He has Netflix, He has a deal with Netflix. I think it's like sixty million dollars. And but now Comedy Central, which I think is owned by Viacom, has been like now that he's like out here shining again, they put took they leased or licensed

Chappelle Show to Netflix and HBO to play. And he was pissed about it because he doesn't get any money, you know, like his blood, sweat and tears. You guys said that he was a loser, but not so much now that you want to use his you know, his intellectual property. And it was just a testament to why ownership is so important. Why you know, I don't know if you guys saw say the Last Dance where Scottie Pippen. He when he first signed his contract when he was

a young basketball player. You know, he had many brothers and sisters and I think his father was sick, so he didn't sign the best deal. So even though he was six time winner, number two basketball player in the league, he was paid one hundred and twenty fifth or something

crazy like that. So it's just things like that. That's just like it's it's a it's a boost in net to watch it, but it's a break to be because it's kind of sad how people and the industries take advantage of people use up all of their talent and their gifts and then not wanting to you know, not wanting to equitably pay folks even if you sign a contract. One thing that Dave said, He's like, I signed a contract,

but does that make it right? Yeah, Like you know, like I remember I shared the story with you that there was a company where they I did something for them just for freaks. I thought it was a good thing. It was a it's a conference to help black women, and that's how they pulled me in. And I was like, you know what this sounds great. Not too many black women are doing, you know, are making courses. So they were like, oh, we'd love for you to to, you know,

do this conference with us. And I said, sure, did the and I probably I did sign whatever, but I'm thinking like, yeah, to sign to say you can use my image for the conference. Like maybe a year later, I saw my image in an AD and I was like, hey, what's this. I didn't agree to be in an ad And I remember it was in the CEO of CMO and he said, yes, you did. Did you get the contract? I was like wow. But the only thing that saved it was they want me to do other work with them.

And I guess he thought about it because I was about to come back and be like, yo, it's a wrap for you because I'm one of well, I'll keep a like cause I don't want to see the company. But they came back. I was like, oh, but if you want us to take it down, I said, take it down, take it down, and then I proceeded when I got on the phone to be like honestly, the audacity and the gall like, don't do that. I did

that conference in service to black women. You tricky shysting sheasters right, I couldn't believe it, right, But that's not the first time. There is this one company that reaches out every single year to all the financial folks so they can make their fake top ten lists, top ten financial advisors to follow. But then you read the contract, Mandy, and it says we can use your image any way, anyhow any It literally says anywhere in the universe, in

perpetuity the universe. Let's Pluto, and I remember what, so I can be included in your list.

Why does it have to say all this? And they were like, oh, I said, well, I'm not signing. They're like, well, you signed the last year. I said, well, I'm not signing. This is crazy and then I looked, and so many of our friends were on the list. I'm sure or they didn't look because you know you don't you would

never think. But now I am so careful, Like there are a bunch of projects that I've done that I've gone in and edited it myself and said, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, you cannot use my image anywhere in the universe in perpetuity. You can have me selling Colt forty five and ten

years on your platform. So just being mindful of like ownership of your image and even as your whatever empire that you're building for yourself, being mindful of the decisions that you make now it would you be okay with with the terms five, ten, fifteen, twenty years from now. I have said no to so many air quote opportunities that seem huge in the moment, but in the long term I know that I would regret them. So just

being mindful of that. So it's like a kind of like a boosty boosty I don't know if it's a break, but definitely like a boosty cautionary tale TAILI So that's it, And you haven't watched Unforgivable on Dave Chappelle's IG.

whatever Dave Chappelle. He it was something about there was a joke, there was a skit that he was doing, and it was at the expense of black people with a punchline and he said he someone in in the crew, like a white guy. The way that he laughed set

Dave Chappelle off, and it was something like that. I really encourage all to check out his interview with Dave Letterman because it was really good and he really hadn't spoken about why he walked away from fifty million dollars and it was interesting to hear his perspective and I could watch him talk all day, so I will be checking out. Was it called unforgiven unforgivable?