BA Q&A: "Quit" Is Not A Curse Word.

your questions anything money and career related. We love to see it do. Let us know if you want to be anonymous, if you do, make it fun, choose a pseudonym. You know, we don't want to be anonymous annies, right, give us a pseudonyms.

is having a hard time hiring others. This means we're understaffed, which places a lot of pressure and stress on us. It even turned my boss into a major jerk who sometimes shoots subliminal shots in her emails and in teen meetings. It's annoying, and I already know I can't stay there anymore. However, I recently started to network and somehow got connected to a job opportunity that has turned into an offer. This opportunity is with a large company with a worldwide presence.

The job allows me to work from home every day and has similar benefits. Not to mention, this opportunity is already a step up in career growth, as I'm being hired into a managerial role. So here's my question. What should I do about my current job? How do I leave that job without cutting any connections off and seemingly quitting on them. I worked and waited a while before I got that job in February, and I'm wondering what should I do? Okay, b that story has a pretty

happy has a pretty happy end. We can take a step off. You solve your owne damn problem.

rigged well a teeny tiny bit. There's so much competition now for the great candidates out there that jobs are waiting before they post. Hiring managers are and recruiters are waiting to post jobs because they want to do their own recruiting first. They don't want to post on indeed and get seventy five thousand, you know, resumes from people who are not a good fit. They want to be

meticulous and intentional with their search. So the fact that you networked into a potentially new opportunity like snaps for you B, that's amazing. Now, how do I love how she said? How do I leave a job and seemingly quitting on them?

in your exit interview. What it was about this position that did not quite meet the expectations that you had when you were hired, and you now have an opportunity that does, so why would you leave that opportunity on the table. Also, it seems like you have done some thinking around like longevity. You know, is there a chance that they will actually be able to meet this offer and give you opportunities that you can see clearly are

not available to you. Probably not. So I'm just hearing, I'm hearing so many reasons for you to walk away. I just think you need someone to give you permission. And Tiffany, I think we can give your permission.

those bridges. And depending on the level that you're at in your company and whether you manage a team, or how potentially irreplaceable or difficult to replace you. I think everyone's replaceable, honestly, but if it would be difficult for them to replace you, or you are overseeing in major projects and you have a lot of responsibilities, the best thing to do to ease the blow is to offer as much time as you feel comfort so that you

can help with their transition. So one thousand percent offer to help with the transition, whether it's two weeks or you know, four weeks or six weeks. I've seen sometimes two. But make sure you're firm, I mean, if you're not willing, I will say this, A quick way to burn a bridge is to quit and then give them or turn in your notice, and then they'll be like, well, what if we can match it, let me go work on this new offer for you, and then for you to

turn down their competitive offer. At that point, I think feelings and emotions and grudges start to form. I think you have to go into that conversation sometimes with as clear a mind as possible as to whether or not they even can compete. You know, is there anything they could offer you that would make you stay and be clear on that before you walk in. That's that's how I would say, because you just don't want to drag anyone on.

this book has been exploding. Have you heard this? What is it called? Let me see on my let me see what my trust? Thee Audible account says it's everything is written by a black therapist, because of course she's amazing, that's the title. No, No, it's called set Boundaries Finding piece. Have you heard of this book. It's by Nirdra Glover to wob She's on Insta and has like a million followers.

But she's this black therapist who's amazing, And this book came out last year and it's sold already hundreds of thousands of copies. She's going to sell over a million copies. I could tell. But it's just really helpful from a therapists perspective, obviously about how to set boundaries and what it looks like. If you're like, I don't have a boundaries issue, and she's like, hmm, sounds like it, but it's really good. And I encourage you to get the

audible verse just because I like listening. But yeah, so what it sounds like Mandy's saying is like, you want to set clear boundaries, so that way, as the great philosopher Wendy Williams once said, straight talk leads to straight understanding. You know, like, don't get that whishy why I don't know that yeah, that wishy washy oh maybe kind of it's like, no, no, if you don't plan on staying, then letting them know and that's the only great advice and

then you know, moving on. Since I'm really proud of you. You sound like the young woman who is on the move, who so go ahead and be on the move. But to Mandy's point, try not to burn those bridges.

But I'm sure that the fact that people at the company have been there for you know, years, decades that they're I don't want to I don't think the fact that people are older should necessarily be a reason to be turned off by it, but the fact that they stay there for a long time there's not much room for advancement, and that there may be a short staffing. I think you can definitely ask questions that will give

you those types of answers in your interview. So I think it's a really good reminder of the importance of being particular about the types of questions you asked during the interview process, so that you really do know what you're getting yourself into and you are gently not allowing them to put rose colored glasses on or lipstick on a pig, whatever the expression is of your choice, and

hopefully you've done the same for this new opportunity. It sounds awesome and you know it's everything that they're not giving you. But what questions can you ask? Just so you don't end up being in the same position again?

I still feel effective, but my oprah is hardly apparent, and I'm scared because I don't know how to scale back. I tried cutting expenses, reducing hours at work, and taking more vacation days, but I'm just completely blown. My mental and emotional reserves are done sis. I need a deep recovery from secondary trauma exposure. How does someone work less

and still write all those bill checks? Have you experienced a season where you still felt deeply rooted in purpose, but your personal and individual devotion was just let me pronounce this correctly tired brown heart Oprah anonymous Oprah.

so undeniable you cannot be denied, you know. So for example, when I first used to start speaking, and people wouldn't pay me, and they're like, oh, we don't have the budget, and so at first I believe that, and then I would see them paying other people and I'm like, oh, you just don't want to pay me, And I could get mad, or I could say that's because you have not illustrated your Oprah. Because I bet you if you

were Oprah, they pay you. And it's true, of course they would pay the three hundred, five hundred and five thousand dollars if I was Oprah. So I started this phrase, illustrate your Oprah, bring your undeniable value to the table, and you know, then people will find the funds. So I think that I just wanted to just put that out there. So it sounds like a postpartum so she

said secondhand trauma. So maybe she's helping people with postpartum and that's why she's experiencing the second hand trauma.

of my coaching clients. You give so much away and you have all the energy you need in the early parts of your career, and eventually you get worn down and eventually you break and you you can't do it anymore because the pace that you were working at originally was never sustainable, Like you were never going to be able to hold that up. And it does feel good, and I have I have been there in my career for sure, where you know, I have this like breaking moment.

I had this this breakdown, you know, halfway into my into my new job as a senior content director or I was managing a team and building it from scratch, walk into my off I think I've told the story before. I walked into my boss's office, you know, and close to tears, like I can't do it anymore because I had been doing the work of like five people or more for two years, just trying to make it work, thinking I had to do it alone, and it felt really good the first year. By year too, I was

ready to quit. I wanted to cry my boss's office. I just hadn't figured out how to ask for the help that I needed. And I think that that is a it's a really important skill to learn early in our careers so that you don't end up getting yourself to that breaking point, and that you recognize we can't let ourselves to. Your point about boundaries being being open to setting boundaries before they're needed. Yes, you know that's hard because everything feels fine, you feel great.

are going to be waiting for you. It has to go deeper than that, if it's such, if it's so tough for you, one thing that you could look into is taking a mental health leave of absence. If you work for a company and your employer offers leaves of absences, you can actually get a note from a medical professional. It can be your primary care physician or a therapist saying that you are unable to work due to mental

health strain or whatever their language is. I've seen clients do that, and sometimes you may get paid for it. You may have to take short term disability, which is a cut and pay could be like sixty percent. You work with postpardon people, so you know, when we give birth, typically we're only getting paid sixty percent because we're suddenly

disabled anyway, another conversation another day. But taking a mental health leave of absence, if you can get some sort of pay, can help with that, and hopefully that will give you the time you need to recharge. But think about I love my friend Marisa. She always says that sometimes we give too much to people who really are not asking for that much, you know, and starting to practice doing less because we can, and not overachieving every day.

Everything does not require one, Like, some things can be just okay. Marisa, what does she say? She's like, she was like, delight them with the bare minimum. Sometimes they can be delighted with the bare minimum. This is when I was doing my consulting project, my early consulting days, and she's like, listen, beabe, these power points, these decks that you're making yourself do. Did they ask for it? I know, but I want to impress them, No, delight

them with the bare minimum. I got to ask her for the exact quote, but yeah, it's too many of us giving one hundred and ten and that ten percent adds up, girl, mm hmm and adds up.

do I don't have it in me. And so it forced my hand to reimagine what life looked like because I had told myself that less equaled lazy, and that's not true that like, oh, girl, if you could be working, like what you doing sitting on the couch, what are you doing relaxing? You took a walk? Why girl? Because you know you could do this? Is this And I'm still struggling with it with it because certainly there are days who where I'm just like, oh, maybe I shouldn't.

I'm like like, so, for example, like my Patreon, right, I was like, ooh, my aim was a thousand people by the end of the year. We got a thousand people within twenty four hours of it launching. So then I was like, well, old Tiffany was like, well, then five thousand by the end of the year, and I'm like sis, you set a thousand by the end of the year because you wanted to make at least one hundred thousand dollars after they're eight percent feet or whatever

they take. Because you wanted to fund Molly Moore your children's book project, which is, you know, a passion project, and you want to fund it, not out of pocket. You wanted to make just enough to fund it, not to stress yourself out. And now you don't put this new If I could do five thousand people the death thousand, no, no, no, no, I had to really dive back and say, you got your thousand. Now we're at like fifteen hundred, but we're growing really slowly, and I have to constantly check myself

not to overachieve it. It's like, you're fine, you made enough for the initial goal. You don't. Actually, less is not lazy. You can sit down. So something that has helped me you asked a question of how do you do less while getting these checks, is that it sounds like you've already illustrated your open Now what I do is and I'm very adamant about getting my money, Tiffany, before you know, so, my keynote was fifty thousand dollars but it's been fifty thousands since like last year, maybe

the year before. Wasn't nobody really paying, you know, you just be putting that up there, like fifty. Oh you want to do twenty? Okay, okay, cause you're like twenty is good money now, No, no, it's fifty. I had a big brand come to the other day. They were like, ooh, we don't have the budget. I was like, oh, well, I wish you well on your search for someone who's not fifty because I'm fifty. Oh well, can you know now maybe they said forty five, maybe I'd be like, eh,

but it's fifty. And they were like, oh, I don't know. Okay, we'll call me when you got it. Because guess what the brand before that, and the brand before that, and the brand before that and a brander because I have been illustrating my open for fifteen years, it's fifty. And so they came back the next day and said we found it. And I could tell they wanted me to

be excited. I wasn't because it was fifty. Because if you didn't pay the fifty, guess what the next one was gonna cis you better lock in that date with a contract. And they did. And guess what, Because I had five brands in a row, say fifty, with relatively little pushback, I said, fifty is too low. I'm sixty five now. Yeah. Just on Friday, I was like, girl, five brands in a row, fifty, this at fifty two? Quick, I had that one sounds about right, well, I put,

I put that sixty five. I said, let's see. And then I was like, you know, like, once I get two or three people at sixty five, by the end of the year, I likely will be at seventy five. Four a keynote, I got a.

what people are asking? She talks about that doctor doctor Nidre talks about that are you delegating and something that's really important that I fall victim to. Are you holding yourself hostage to the old you like and to say like, oh, because I said that nineteen eighty five that I will do all the email I have to do for the rest of my life. And she's like, at any moment in time, you can create a new boundary and say

y'all need to get on board. Don't think just because you used to do the job in this way, you know that in a way that is not healthy for you or safe for you, that you cannot introduce a new boundary and get people on board. So just know that you can pop up with a new boundary for your own health and safety. And you ought to so get more, ask for more, create boundaries delegating and honestly like I don't, they don't. It's not any money in

it for us. We should put this link, this link, like the the Boundaries book, Like I don't, you know, I don't know her personally, I follow her on Insta, but set Boundaries fine. Piece. I just think it's just a really great resource and tool from a black therapist who if you even if you don't get her book. Her insta is really great for really leaning into like creating boundaries so you can have a safe, effective, fruitful

and joyful experience in life. And so like I just suggest that for you as well.

like the emergency fund for your brain. Right. But one last thing, one last thing I wanted to note here is as well, as I'm reading her and I'm thinking about her very much, so if I'm imagining her job, which is working with working with new mother's postpartum, if she's working for an employer right now and not for herself, I really wonder if working for yourself may not be another potential solution creating your own business, dedicating, deciding your

own hours, charging prices that are you know that makes sense for the for the mental toll of what you're going through, and the fact that you need to charge higher prices so that you can take fewer clients so that you can show up one hundred percent for the clients you have because they are relying on you. You know,

I would have. I don't even know what kind of particular work you do, but I know that your clients must use you as such a vessel for them and such a you know, support for them, so for you to be able to show up for them in the best way possible. You can't have one thousand clients each charging a low fee. Maybe it's about having one hundred clients charging a higher fee and protecting your piece in

that way. And I'm not obviously saying that everyone should just go out and start a business to solve all their problems. Obviously it has so many more challenges.

the road. And you know, for you, is there anything about your teachings and learnings that you could create a digital product and then sell that to create passive income? You know, is there a course that you could create? Is there you know a oh maybe not even a

course that's too overwhelming. What about one thirty minute you know, or forty five minute recap of everything that you've learned in your profession that has helped make a meaningful impact to the success of a new mom or something like that package it sell it have an income stream.

And sometimes oftentimes churn is because their credit card didn't go through Debork card didn't go through. Sometimes people for example at my mentor Tiffany people confuse it with me being the budgetista. We don't talk about financial education there. So sometimes people will come and be like, oh, we don't talk about money here, just business. Let me go over to the literature academy to join that. So they'll leave.

So that's churn, and that means you have to if you want to maintain your salary or whatever, you have to continuously add folks, and that can be very stressful. So just be mindful that if I was starting out, I don't know, like if it was me, instead of trying to get individual people purchasing whatever, I would instead look to get companies, like the same companies that I was working for, let them hire me as a contractor, because that is a less stressful introduction into that kind

of business. Because in so doing, like getting individuual people signed up and continue to pay, it's a lot. That's that's that's like level five. So for level one, it's being yourself for those same types of companies and those companies pay you. That's a good level one to start with. So just keep that in mind. But all in all, ask for more money, create boundaries. Ask yourself, what is it that you're really wanting to do and start to

make that pivot to it, like what are your core values? Security, adventure, joy, and really start to redesign life around those core values. And if that means leaving this profession down the line, maybe so. But you know, you only really have one life as far as I know, and so I much rather you start to make those pivots now and not wait for some major life changing event like I had to to make the huge pivots because now Sis is living. I take my walks every day. I did my jump

rope today. Thank y'all for the jump rope videos. Like I work minimally, you know, relatively speaking. Everybody got to pay that price because I'm not doing free speaking engagements for the price of one. And so because I've set that boundary and I put the work in which sounds like you've done illustrating your opera, now I can say I can do less, and do I make less a

little bit for now. But I'm seeing as i'm readjusting that I'm finding people who are willing to pay me more, and so by this time next year I will have proper probably have made the same as I would have with the busy, busy busy life with a way less busy life, So you know that drop might might mean that you have to like drop some of your expenses temporarily until you can get back there. That's normal as well, So we wish you luck.

And how if any of you know, how can you monetize potentially some skills that you have that won't require you to show up and could that be an additional source of income so that you can take some take some time and think too about potentially the leave of absence. You know, sometimes we need like to call nine one one for our damn selves. And I've definitely had clients from like I need to call nine one, you need

out like it's becoming an emergency. And I hope that you're well, what do we decide to call her?

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