It's time for the b a q a A.
The b a q A what you say, the b a q a man, good b a q with two today the b a.
Q a A. We're back and black in the studio in the stew uh. So we have If you have questions, we have some answers. But as a gentle reminder, we're not your mama. No, we're not your lawyer, your doctor, your you.
Know, we are your favorite cute black girl into their cousins. Who know, I'm thinking too about money and career and business and things. But you don't pay us, so that means we are not legally bound to answer your questions or and also too, we just want you to say take what we say with the grain of salt, and you know, and and then leaning to the people that you do pay, you know you can run it past them.
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On Vagina's Apparently we talked about that.
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Yeah, let's go for it. Jump on in there. It's been so long and you guys have so many questions, so yes, I think you need to start chipping away at these.
So we have a question from nine in. She says, Hi, Tiffany and Mandy. I'm a huge fan of your podcast and have learned quite a lot from you both. I'm considering getting a new airline credit card for the benefit of the flight promotional credit and free check bag, which would otherwise require a thirty dollars fee. This would completely cover the airfare for an upcoming trip. I already have a few cards, though, and I'm working on paying off the balances. Would it be a wise idea to get
the new airline credit card for only the promotion. After the credit, I wouldn't use it further unless I should make a one time unless I should make a one time small monthly payment on it to build credit or completely cancel it.
Thanks nine In. I like that name, Ninan. That's pretty.
Ooh, this is good because I mean I actually was just on a plane. Obviously we both were, but I flew Jet Blue to Costa Rica and on the way back, I mean that fifty percent discount on the twelve dollars miniature kale salad that I have would have been nice with the Jet Blue card. And then they wait until like the last ten minutes of the flight. Then they come through. They do the big announcement over the speaker, and I'm like, I'm trying to finish my movie, but like, fine,
we'll listen to your credit card pitch. And they come down the aisle with the brochures like sixty five thousand miles, you know, one time offer on this flight, you know. So it's super tempting. But I think what concerns me or just like raises my my my alert man dealer from her question is the fact that she already has cards she's trying to pay the balances off on and that she says, I'll stop using it. But I kind
of feel like that may not be the case. It's really easy to say that now, but you keep that card and then mid other trip's going to pop up and it's like, well, I just put it on this card to get the points, and then before you know, you have another card with a balance that you're carrying, and unless it's a zero percent intro APR, then you're gonna end up paying interest on it, and it's just gonna be like you have to think about the money
you be spending on interest at that point. Plus, those cards with the best benefits sometimes have like high annual fees. You know. I think our Chase Good Time Card that we both have the Chase reserve, they want say annual feenw like five hundred, four hundred or something like that. It ain't cheap, you know. So that's something too. That's just something that jumped out at me.
What do you say, Tiff, I say, I'm not a big fan of cards for specific companies like card just for Express car, just forget, you know, because you know, the benefits are limited typically to just that one organization. I remember you, Mandy, you were telling me how I was renovating and you were.
Like, are you going to get a Home Depot card?
And I considered it because I was buying a ton of stuff from home Depot, but I ended up using my Chase Good Time Card. Like it's really called the Chase Venture, but me and Maddy just be teasing.
No, it's not.
It's called the Chase Reserve.
Call this. That's why Mandy calls it to Chase good Time, because not she doesn't know it, because she knows I don't know. I'm like, Ochase, run and get him, you know, fly with Me card. So what I like about him is that and I use that instead of the Home Depot is that I wanted the benefits to last beyond just shopping at Home Depot because I knew it was just a few months of me like like using home Depot to renovate. And so with those purchases, I was able to get cash back, I was able to earn
points for a flight. I was able to like I typically like, if I'm going to get a credit card, which you sound like you don't need right now because you have cards you're paying off. But let's just say that you didn't have credit cards that you were paying off, or you have cards and they're already paid off and you were looking for a new card.
To help with your travel.
I would look for an overall general card where the benefits are more wider reaching, not for one specific airline, but like a card that you can get cash back, you can earn point you can earn points to like hotels. You know, that's what I that's what I would suggest, but I right now, honestly, I would slow down as you're paying down, I would slow down on getting a card just because you don't want to start to like, you know, the best piece of advice when you're in
a ditch is to put the shovel down. And so that credit card is a shovel and I want you to keep digging nine in so hopefully.
Yeah, Another thing to think about is like those cards often require you to spend money to get that benefit. It's like if you spend three thousand dollars in the first ninety days, so like, can you afford that much? Because that's more than a three hundred dollars flight credit would be. So I would say, nah, pass so you can you know, pay for the flight the one time. And you know, think about what Tiff said about getting like a more general travel card, especially if you're not
traveling back and forth under control. Yeah, but thank you so much for your question, miss nine and with the pretty name, Let's take a quick breaking break and be right back for a real, that's one. I'm like rolling my shoulders back for it because I feel like Tiff and I. We're gonna go cool and I'll give you all a hint. The question is from my is the question uh is written by my dear sister. Okay, so
we're getting into the family drama. Y'll be right back. Hey, hey, ba fam, It's Mandy and we have some exciting news for y'all. We have been nominated for our third Webby Award. That's right, for twenty twenty three. We are now in the running for the People's Choice Award for Best Business Podcast Individual Episode, and we need your help to win. Voting is quick and easy. Just hit the link in the description of this episode or head to our website
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Let's show the world what the Brown Ambition community is made of. Head over to brownambitionpodcast dot com, click the banner to vote, and thank you so much for your support. All right, be a fan. We are back with a juicy, juicy question that immediately I was like, let's do this. I know we have loss to say on this matter. And both of us have sisters and families, and yeah, it get it can get a little challenging when there's income disparities within the family, So let's get into it.
This comes from someone who would like to be called my dear so her and she says, I have a sister who I adore. She and her husband have two young children. They recently made a big transition and moved halfway across the country to be closer to us her family. She has always struggled with her finances, holding on to what she has since she is a major spender but not a budgeter. They could be considered wealthy, but they live extremely paycheck to paycheck due to some lavish choices
they continue to make over and over. Something major happens and they can't pay their bills or afford the expense. So she comes to my mom and dad, who are retired to ask for help. But recently she's become asking. She's begun asking me for help. I'm ten years younger than her, live alone, and have a high paying job, and I'm putting in the work to end the cycle of debt from my family. In my own life, I have a financial advisor who I work closely with to
budget and set myself up for the future. I have tried to talk to my sister about getting help and working with someone, but she's not open to it at all. She feels like she just needs to earn more. What should I do. I want to help her because she's family, but I also don't want to enable her because she refuses to get help. I just don't know what to do.
Dear system before let it go?
Oh yes, let it go. Which is like because when I was thinking about trying to educate people who are not ready to be educated, it's like a losing battle. At that point. You know, it's one thing if they come to you and ask, But when you and I have been that person, when you think that you know better and you want to coach them, and you can see how clear it is if they just listen to me,
and it's family. There's just something ingrained in our DNA to just not absorb anything that our siblings say to us, like you know, and it may I don't think that you need to be the hero in that situation, and it's going to cause you more stress to try to fix it, you know. And I found myself in that position, especially what we do to if, like we talked about that before, y'all listen to us, y'all think we're real smart.
You send us your questions. I don't get any from my family, even my husband, you know, And I just kind of like, oh, they'll find out on their own and their own way. But it's different right when it comes to your pockets, and they don't want your advice, they want money. So what do you say to that, Tiff? I think both of us have had situations where you have been and I was even with my family.
Oh, baby Lisa, where I have to set a boundary, and I literally set one recently, like.
Maybe, like you know, less than six months ago.
She called and I said, if this is to ask for money, just I want this to be so important to you because this is last and final, like for life.
And she was thought about it, and she was like, so, how's your day?
I said, exactly because she wanted that one get I said, so I want you to ask yourself, is this my get out of.
Jail jail jail free car? Like you know she was.
I wasn't even confident. I said, Oh, I'm just letting you know that, like you know, because so here's my rule. So this is literally what I tell all my sisters and my friends who I'm close enough that I would lend money to, even though I'm not a money lender.
Typically I'll just give you like if you're really needing it.
Like, so my rule is, and this is what I told my baby sister, Lisa is I told her. I said, the rule is you're not allowed to be homeless.
You're not allowed to be.
Hungry, meaning don't ever get to such a dire state that it would put you in physical peril, you know. So like, if that's the case, obviously come to me, because at the very least you could always eat here and you can stay with me, you know, So don't think like, oh, I got to be on my own and struggle struggle through it all, you know, within reason, Yes, I want you to look at yourself as your first line of defense. But don't go hungry you're homeless, that's
you know, we're not doing that here. But I cannot be your first, second, and third line of defense, you know. And so it's okay for people to have bad credit for a little while.
They'll live. It's okay for bills to be late, They'll live. Because that's the only way you're gonna learn, Like you.
Have to get sometimes back pushed up against the wall to then lean into yourself and be resourceful.
I mean, I know your sister's older.
My sister's the youngest set of five, and if I'm being honest, we coddled.
Her, we babied her.
I am nine years older than her, so you know, there's such a huge difference. So she's like, oh, the baby, mean, while Lisa's a whole, like thirty three. Yeah, And so she didn't get here by herself. You know, there's these bad habits that we have, you know, encouraged and cultivated.
But then finally I had to be like no, and she is figuring it out, but I wanted her to know that you have a safety net, Like I want you to figure it out, but I do not want you to be in peril, you know, And so the key is really like it's not easy to set boundaries, but if you set them, they learn to navigate with you differently, you know, like they do people will learn to navigate with you differently if you're like, hey, like I had a friend asked me to borrow money for
the first time and she'd never asked me before, and old Tiffany would have just like been like, oh gosh, you know, I'm gonna let bart but I'm just scared that this is a new precedent.
What do I do?
New Tiffany therapeued up. Tiffany was like, hey, girl, no problem lending you this money. But although I know you've never borrowed before, I don't want to set a precedent that I'm the go to for you to borrow from. And she said, well, I've never asked I no, no, I know you've not asked me that. It's not about I'm not saying that this is.
Something you're gonna do.
I just want to make it clear that it makes me it would make me uncomfortable that I don't mind doing this, you know, I expect that you're gonna pay me back, like you said, but also too, I expect that this is not going to become We've been friends for a very very very long time, and I don't want this to become the norm, like we've broken the seal.
I could tell that she was slightly offended, and I understood, you know, why she would be, But I also know that I needed to set the boundary because I don't know where this is going. We've talked about it like a couple times after and we both come to like an easy like piece about it, like, you know, because I don't want that to be like, well, girl, Tiffany got it, you know, like, and so I'm glad I set the boundary, and I'm glad we talked about it
and we're still like super good friends, you know. And she understood where I was coming from, and I understood where she was coming from because it wasn't like she had had any habit of this with me, but I've seen the habit with other people.
That's why I said what I said, So, like, I just think it's gonna be. It's gonna be, dear sister.
You have to just you're gonna have to set a clear boundary live up to that boundary. You might have to say it a couple of times. Your sister will learn that you are not the one, the two, or the three, and she'll move on to someplace else. It sounds like maybe your parents have said no and that's why she's coming to you. And then you can you could also create that safety net and say, you know, don't be hungry, don't be homeless. You know, you guys
can always eat here or whatever. You guys can always stay with me or whatever that is. You know, like set that kind of like that lowest basis point, but then let her figure it out or she will never figure it out. Especially it's one thing if you had a sister who was like, you know, like didn't make good money, you know what I mean, like to hear that, like you make plenty and you're just making bad choices.
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
You know. It's one thing if you were like in abusive relationship. Your best friend was in an abusive relationship and fled her husband. Now that's different and you're like, girl, you know, I got you, bring the kids here, we're going to figure it out. But just I'm going to help you out because you're mismanaging your money. Now, set that boundary, create the baseline of don't be hungry or homeless, and let it go.
She's grown.
It might be a little awkward in the meantime, like Tiffy, you went to that awkward thing with your friend, just like you know in the beginning. But people are always going to act some type of way when you say
no and you set that boundary. And I think the part that we use boundaries like a throwaway word now, but it's going to come at the cost of that moment, that that space of discomfort for you and for the person who's asking you for something and wants to breach your boundary, and for them just for them to hear no. Like my, you know, really good friend of mine recently found a toxic friend, had a toxic friend who I knew they were toxic because I can smell y'all and
I just don't even And I told her that's as bad news, and I backed it up. I was like, she's gonna learn. A year later, she's like, I think it's time to cut this person out, and I'm like, m And as soon as she did, the tech start
coming in, the calls, the name calling. You know that immediate reaction to you studying that boundary and as a person who I've had to deal with my own family, like a sibling of mine who I had to really set a hard boundary, and for me, that boundary was like no further communication, you know, until I can trust you again. It's it's you. There's there's a cast there, it's it's painful, it makes holidays a little awkward. But I think you have to put yourself first and remind
yourself what your goals are. And it's okay if someone else is frustrated, put out, inconvenienced, you know, if they have to struggle a little bit because of a choice you made for your own self, welcome to just being a human. You know, at certain points we have to make those tough calls. And it's like Tiff said, you know, maybe it's if you say, if you if it's money,
that becomes a band aid. And it does sound like maybe your parents have started saying no or they're not able to give what she needs, so she's even gotten more. Plus she has a spouse too. I'm like, is a spouse and does he know or does she know? Or they know about this? Like there's deeper things going on, But how else might you be able to help? Like, it's not advice because I don't think she wants that
from you. Maybe it's if you want me to babysit for free while you get a second job or uber so that you can, you know, or go on some interviews like how can you support her in other ways to show that you still love her? But it's really dangerous to set that president of Okay, I'm going to
say yes this time. And certainly if you actually need them to pay you back, I really wouldn't lend that money because I just feel like friends and family, there's just you're not going to be at the top of the list when it comes to paying the bills back, you know. So with me, if I was ever giving money to fit, I made an early rule and when I was younger that if I was going to lend
anyone money, I wasn't going to be lending it. I was going to give it, and I was going to tell them so like this is a this is a gift. I don't want it back, you know, And if you're not comfortable doing that, I would say, the ANSWER's got to be no. And you can literally tell her exactly what you told us. You know, I've worked really hard to get where I am, and I want I don't have a partner, I don't have a second source of income. I need to be doubly sure that I can support
myself if something were to happen. And I know that you love me and you'll probably understand this, So this is why I have to say, I can't help you in this way, but maybe there's other ways I can help. And I stole that little mini script from my therapist because she gave me that language when a family relative came to me last year for like a lot of money, and she was like, you can tell her I love you, I want to help you, but I can't help you
in this specific way. You know, is there something else that we can, you know, talk about And it's up to them to decide what they want to do with that.
And don't expect Sometimes I think that we are like trying to figure out how to do the hard work and for it to feel good and easy, Like, well, it's not feeling good, so maybe we're doing something wrong. And it's like no, actually, it's like I got my eyebrows wax today, it's supposed to sting a little.
That's what that's how it goes.
They do it good.
I don't know, but I'm just saying that. So that's the thing.
It's that I want to it's just in general, especially if you talk about money and career changes and all things we talk about here. I want to normalize that there are moments of discomfort that ought to be uncomfortable. Like it's not because you did anything wrong. That's just what it looks like, you know what I mean. And so like when you realize, like, oh, I'm going to have this conversation with my sister and it's going to be awkward, and it's going to feel uncomfortable and I'm going to feel.
Bad about it, that's part of it. And that's okay, you know.
So you know, don't think like you feeling bad means something is wrong. No, you're feeling bad is that you're a human being period, right, And so just like keep that in that, Like, there is no easy way to tell someone you super love.
I can't give you money.
They're just not you know, and so you're just gonna say it to the best of your ability. You might have to tell her a couple of times and eventually she'll get it.
Yeah, amen to that. It's yeah, it's it's not supposed to feel good, especially not waxing. I went and got waxed for my vacation, and I.
Was like, why I never You know, I've got movies. I've never gotten waxed down there.
You know you're not missing out. But I will say, the results are everything I felt. Maybe that's why I felt so hot in my being vacation.
I don't know if I'm because the eyebrow is already like, girl, I gotta get myself together, so I can't imagine.
I think they get in there.
Girl, I feel like I'm liable to pass down.
I was afraid I was going to go into pre term labor. I was like, should I have google this? Maybe this is going to be triggering anew that.
Lady's gonna get a face full of fart because I'll just be so like, oh my god, they've seen it all.
You just have to like imagine, you know, I got a girl for your name, Sean, tell you come up to you know, come up to Worchester, hook you up European wax Center.
I'm scared, scared, scared, I don't know.
I feel like maybe once in my life I'm gonna do it, but I'm so terrified of like the pain child. So you know, we gotta work our way up, work our way up. Rember, just when we first started doing Brandabision, I was still wearing pack pandies.
Remember, I mean, now we've elevated.
Yes, thank you for reminding me where you came from.
Slowly, So we gotta work our way up, work our way up.
So yeah, sorry, dear sister, we work from like girls that your sister to us do a sister girl talk.
But let us know how it goes, and you know, we hope for the best.
Yes, I genuinely want an update on this one. Please, dear dear sister, please send us an update.
So when you said this update, just say it's me, dear sister, so we know it's you.
I hope that we got to you in time. Yes, Okay, I know.
All right?
Ba fan, Well again, you can hit us up anytime you want. You with your questions, you can go to our ig We are at Brand and Bission Podcast on Insta. You can also email us Brand Ambisson Podcast at gmail dot com if you want to be an in person guest on the show. Send us a voice message on IG and you may hear from our producer to invite you to the STU. That's what Tippany told me to call it, y'all, and so next week bye, see you
next week, Hey, ba Fam. We could not do this show without your support or the support of our team behind the scenes. The Brown Ambition Podcast is produced by Imani Crosby and Dennis Sanplinsky is our in house tech guru. I and your co host Mandy Woodrif Santos and we will see y'all next week, ba Fam.