¶ Intro / Opening
Hey, Hey, Hey, I know surprise, it's time for ba QA. Yes, it's the second show. We're going to test it out. Me and Mandy are going to do Brown Ambition Question and answer in a totally separate show and we are trey excited.
About it, very excited.
Y'all.
You can expect the same wonderful advice from your financial besties me and Tiffany as you normally get, and you can also continue to send us your questions please. We decided to break out this segment because honestly, our show was getting too fat and juicy and we wanted to never give up on answering y'all's personal finance and career questions. So if you haven't, you can still hit us up at Brown Ambition Podcast on Instagram or email us Brown
Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com. You can also head to our website, Brandamission podcast dot com and click ask us Anything to submit your question. And now you have your very own show. You're welcome. Every Friday, Tiffany and I will be here taking your questions. It'll be a short little nugget of an episode and we hope you guys enjoy it.
Yay. Question number one, how do your next question in Spanish question.
Say my brain broke. I'm sorry, I think that's French.
You want to read it?
I would, I would, I would be honored, all right. First question comes from someone who liked Tremaine anonymous. They ask is, do you guys have any advice regarding how I can inspire my seventeen year old stepdaughter to embrace personal finance and participate in the growth of her ut M A that's her? What does that stand for? Uniform trust? It's like the account you get for kids, right, I
forget what it all stands for. Anyway, she says, I've tried multiple approaches since she was thirteen, but I remain unsuccessful. Ooh key, Timmany, Yes, I'm made for you.
I have my hand up and I'm like, give me the com up.
Because so, my beautiful stepdaughter is fourteen, and I feel
¶ How do I get my 17 year old step daughter to embrace personal finance?
like we finally cracked the code when she was little. We did it someone and it helped. So one of the things we used to do when she was little is that whenever we would go somewhere her father, instead of buying her stuff, we would tell her to look at her piggybank and what would her budget be? So we just started with like using proper language to describe things that were actually happening in her life. Then it kind of fell off because she didn't care because she
wasn't keeping a piggy bank anymore. And when she turned thirteen, it was like what can we do? So what really helped is that she started working. So working, meaning like so my husband is a twin and his twin is a master painter, so on the weekend and he would pick her up sometimes and she would help him tape off, like he would be doing a house and she would be in charge of taping up the rooms and you know, with.
The blue tape, and he would pay her.
And then now that she's fourteen, she actually just babysit, babysat my sister's kids. Yesterday, Carol and Tracy and I we went to brunch and Alyssa babysat Roman and Amelia because she's fourteen and they know her and they're four and five. And so she made ten thousand hour. She works with Tracy at TAC Tracy Leche Consulting her. My sister's a publicist and so she does work with Tracy, research work with Tracy, especially after school but now she's off.
For the summer.
So we found that it made a difference because now that she's working and bringing in money, it became real to her because everything else was theoretical. And now with her money, we sit down and we're like, Okay, how much did you make? Some of it has to go to your savings here, some of it has to go to this checking account, and then this is what can
go for money that you can spend. So the best way to kind of get get her interested is it has to mean something for her, like I don't talk to Elissa about bill's like a little bit like I'll talk to her about bills somewhat like you know.
How much things cost?
Or I might share with her how much you know, the vacation was just so she knows, but ultimately she don't care. But what she cares about is Carol. I actually was three and a half hours so so, so what.
Is she doing with her earnings? Have y'all been investing them? Does she have a savings what does she do right now?
We just keep it really simple. We do some savings and some spending for her. But what I did do this summer for her is I enrolled her in an investment class because I wanted her to, like, you know, to understand that when we talked, when we start pulling money for investments, she's not like, where's my money going. So there's this teen class by this young woman named Tiffany. Actually her name is her brand is called Modern Black Girl.
I love her.
Yes, she's super young and cute and like in her twenties and like fabulous, so you know, listen, don't want to hear from me. So I was like, maybe she'll hear fabulous siphony. So it was a teen class and it was every week, and so every week she would like take a class and learn how to trade and invest. So so that's like kind of like the next step
for her. But really it just started with she earns money, and then we show her savings and spending and just go over what she earned and how she can make more. She got really excited about, like what else can I do to make more? You should see Tracey's like she's the best employees she ever had, because she will text.
Her and be like, do you have an additional work? And Tracey's like, no, alysta, bro.
I'm actually I am more than willing to learn new skills.
It's just like.
And so I'm not gonna lie most of the money that she makes that the money that we let her spend is all Amazon because you know, these kids, but at least she knows I have to save some, I have some to spend, and now she's learning that once she finished this course, we're going to set aside some of your money.
To also invest.
So that's what I said, Like, you know, she's not going to be you know, some people have a natural inclination, but start with what matters to her.
Maybe let her have a little job and see that takes you.
I completely agree that when the money is real to them, they're more They're just more invested in it. I mean literally, and in terms of like watching her UTMA and by the way I looked, I had to look it up, but my brain is fried. Uniform Trust and Minor Act. It's basically a kind of custodial bank account that you can open for your child or your stepchild in this case, and then when they come of age. Every state is different, but like eighteen is typical, then it can be transferred
to them and they get control of the money. I feel like, does being does the fact that it's her step daughter, does that hinder or change your advice at all? I mean, I know Supergirl is your stepdaughter as well. When you and Superman would talk about her personal finance, education and all of that, did that come from him? Or how did you build that relationship so that you know she would look to you for advice and not just like, oh, you're not my mom, like you can't tell me what to do.
It was hard, I'm not gonna lie see.
So I would basically work him at first, you know, like I'd be like, you know, lit some made money. She made like a hundred dollars. She's like what, because you know, she's not telling him anything. But I would know because either like you know, my sister would have paid her, or she got you know, babysitting money, or just you know, I just would be listening, you know, and I'm like, yeah, I don't you know, I know.
And I would hear her making like plans with her friends, like ooh, girl, I made a hundred dollars, so I'm gonna get that dress and that right now. The kids are really into press on nails and the press on that she would be, you know, like she would be making a list to trick up all her doll and I'd be like, yeah, let me tell him, because I know if I said something, it might be like nobody was talking to you. But you know, dads can say whatever because that's you know, that's his daughter. So at
first it started that way. And I don't know if you remember, like maybe like maybe some months ago, I was saying that was the one relationship out of all of our relationships, that out of my personal relationships that were still working on making better.
That we used to be like bff when she was really little.
I came into her life when she was six, and then for like three years she was my bestie and then we got engaged and then she was like, don't you take my baddy?
And I was like, I'm not, And so we weren't.
But I have to say we're back. We had been working on it, working on it, and working on it, working on it. She's matured and honestly like it's it's like we were like like before, you know, which is awesome, and so now I don't have to go through him. But the other day I was saying something to him. He was like, tell her, and I was like, oh yeah, I can, so I don't know. So you know, obviously your relationship best if you guys are close, go to
her directly. If not, then I would work through you know, your your partner, but because you want to make sure that you know you're you're there to raise a human being that can take care of themselves when you're no longer there.
That is your job.
Yeah, and I would just add to that, if you've tried everything and they are still not interested in contributing to their savings account or whatever kind of fun you've opened for them. You know, nothing prepares a young woman for financial independence like having no financial safety net from her parents. So maybe you don't show an interest in funding her accounts. You know, maybe she takes out a student loan and figures out how to pay it back.
I've seen that happen with family members of mine where their parents, especially in cases where the parent didn't really have much, and then they were able to help their kid in a way that their parents weren't able to, Like they would try to do too much for their kid, make everything too easy, a little too laid out for them, like I'm going to open it up for you, but now you have to be interested in it, you know,
why aren't you interested in it? Like and for me, and especially as a young mom or with a young child, I think about I really want to I don't want to make it so frictionless for my kid, and I want him to know that I'm there to answer questions, but for him to still like develop sort of a curiosity and an interest, and to know that if he doesn't do something, it doesn't always mean that I'm just
going to do it for him. Easier said than done. Obviously, I'm a huge control freak and I don't want to want my baby to suffer, but I do feel like at a certain point point you can't just force it on someone. You know, they have to cut. Sometimes you have kids that are so hard he they just got to like fall in their ass and pick themselves back up and that's their little aha moment. Okay, should we get to the second question?
Yes?
Poor forvor see if you Spanish.
Please don't tell my family that I forgot question in Spanish?
Please?
All right? Do you want to read this one?
Tif?
Sure? Okay?
Also, this is someone who'd like to become be left anonymous. Okay, Hi, there love the show thanks. I'm a thirty year old single male. I currently make about one hundred and seventy five k annually from my job. Okay, bank, I'm that's me. Obviously, he didn't say that I'm one hundred percent debt free. Yes, and have a profitable townhouse printil. But I'm facing a huge problem. Okay, it's probably more emotional than financial. I want my mom to get life insurance or burial insurance
at minimum. My family has been impacted by the prison industrial complex and drugs, and so I was essentially raised
¶ My parents didn't raise me, how responsible am I for taking care of them as they age?
by the Department of Family Services in Florida. Okay, I want to build a relationship with mom, but I don't feel that I should be on the hook financially to take care of her as she ages.
I also think she.
Should be responsible for her own funeral services. I feel that by taking care of her I will have ruined everything I have worked for. I hear the pain in her voice when she asked me for help. Do we have an obligation to take care of our parents given that we were raised by the system or am I being selfish? Woof?
I know heavy.
I have so much empathy for what this person is going through. So thank you for opening up. I've dealt a little bit with feelings like this, feeling of guilt, not necessarily with one of my parents, but certainly family. You know who you only hear from when they need something. It wasn't my mother or my father, but a very you know, a close relative of mine, I'll say, someone
I grew up with. I did eventually reach the point in in my mid twenties where I made a decision purely for my own mental health and for my well being, to not have a relationship with that person. I didn't strike out thinking I need to just cut this person off, but I realized this person only waned one with me if I were to give them money, and I understood when the money stopped, that relationship would stop. And I said, okay,
and I allowed that to happen. Those feelings of I mean, it's so difficult because it's obviously a father I'm sorry, a mother's son relationship, which is just so it's just so fraught and so intense. But I would just say, you have to be true to your feelings and forgive yourself. You did not ask for all of these struggles, and it's not necessarily not every child sees it as a responsibility to care for their parents, even if they have
been in their lives, you know, their whole life. You have to support her in a way where you are
true to yourself and to what makes you happy. Part of me is like, I really really hope that you're seeing a therapist or someone with experience and mental health to help you work through this relationship, because as someone who has used therapy to help rebuild some relationships in my life with loved ones, it's been so powerful and so helpful to have that outlet to talk through and really look at the way that you're feeling and the
emotions that you're having and help unpack them. That's what I would say.
And here's the thing.
Even you don't have an obligation to take care of anyone honestly, I mean, well that's not true. You have an obligation to take care of your children, like because you brought them here, Like that is your obligation. Not everybody meets it, but that is your obligation. But honestly, even even it sounds crazy, even if a parent was awesome to you, and you know they were great, I mean, of course many of us would be like well, of course I'm gonna take care of a parent that was
there for me. But ultimately, adults have an obligation to take care of themselves. Kids are the only ones who are like, I'm sorry, sis, I don't know how to cook.
I'm three.
I'm gonna need you to do this, bruh. Like I can't change my own diaper. You need to handle it. But so just keep that in mind. And I think that you know, trying to get her to get burial insurance is actually, you know, a good idea. I don't know if you've thought of therapy for yourself, not because I want you to, you know, have to take care of your mom or whatever, but because you have accomplished a lot despite you know, all that's happened, and it
just might help to release. I've had some anger of some of my childhood stuff and it really helped me to release, letting go of some of those things so I can fully live, presently, enjoy.
You deserve that.
And there's a really great book that you should read by a sister. Her name is nir Dra don't know her last name, but it's called Boundaries. Her book came around out the round around the same time that minded. She's a therapist, a licensed therapist, and she really talks and teaches how to set boundaries that are healthy for you.
I have a hard time setting boundaries and that's something I'm working on actively, and so I want you to be able to set whatever boundary you think is right for you without the guilt and the shame, do what you think you want to do, and being okay with not doing what you don't want to do.
So I just commend you you.
I don't know if you talk to like high schools and things like that, but honestly you should. They need to see men who have come a mighty long way and look how successful you are. Honestly, like, aside from your mom, I just want to pat you on the back and give you a hug and say I'm proud of you.
Honestly I am.
And so if you haven't thought about that, you should, because more boys need to see men like you who had a really rough beginning and yet have seen their way to the side.
So just yeah, So just congrass absolutely, And if this relationship is keep preventing you from feeling that pride and the joy that you should in yourself, then you know, that's a that is something that may not have a financial impact on you, but it can definitely take a toll mentally on you. You need to be able to start your own life starting you. You spent such a huge part of your life being a ward of the state, it sounds like, and jerked around, probably by other people's schedules,
other people's needs, other people's obligations. And you're finally thirty. You are making a really great salary, you are debt free, you are doing so many things right, and you are in complete control. You at a time when it's just it's just a magical probably time for you to just feel like you are in control of your own destiny, and you know you should really be able to enjoy that. So what was that book, Tiffany Boundaries? Yeah, bound to give that to a couple of people as well.
Yeah, Boundaries. Yes, but her name is near Dre. She's a she's she's a doctor, she's a therapist.
I know that.
Let me look it up, Boundaries, because.
I think her book is doing really well too, which leads me to believe that it must be it must be really good. I bought it, I haven't read it yet, so it's called actually it's called Set Boundaries, Find Peace, A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. So that's what it's called, Set Boundaries, Find Piece, a Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. And it's by Nidra Glover, tawab So, n E. D r A. NEARDR.
Glover and then tawwab So. It's got so many great reviews and people are like, this has really helped me to really re look at why I make the choices that I make. So I highly suggest that for you if you want to read the audible. She's on ig
She's got really great posts. I look at her posts all the time about like girl, it's okay to say no, she's just she just seems like just such an awesome she's a therapist, like I said, and just just an awesome resource for what you're experiencing in anyone out there who's experiencing that.
Can we talk a little bit about the personal finance bit of this, where he's wanting his mom to get life insurance or burial insurance. You know, I think that that's definitely an option. I think you need to prepare yourself. I'm kind of like my therapist is always asking me well, let's think about the worst case scenario. They don't get the insurance and they pass away and you have to pay for the funeral expenses.
What do you do?
Or you don't have to You honestly don't have to, but that is something that happens. You know, they never get insurance because you can't control her. She's an adult at the end of the day. What would your reaction be and to kind of put your like kind of role play with that situation and make a decision and like be okay with it and recognize that I have a choice. I'm making this choice and it's okay because you really can't force her to purchase anything like that.
If insurance maybe is intimidating to her, you could possibly encourage her to set aside just some cash savings, you know, in a savings account that she can you know, set aside knowing that this will help you know, my child cover my funeral expenses or something like that. You know, if you decide through therapy that you really want to like you eventually down the road decide that you are okay with or you would you know, feel comfortable by putting aside a little bit of money for a modest
funeral for her. Then that's something that you could consider doing or baking into your financial plan now, just to make peace with that. But I definitely think that this is the kind of choice that you shouldn't be making alone and have a trained mental health professional walk you through it. You deserve that, You one hundred percent deserve it.
You're doing so well financially. My concern for you now is your mental health and how you make sure that the cycle of you know, I think with anything the drug epidemic, all of that is really driven as well by mental health issues that have ravage black and brown communities, especially mental health. You just should not put put that in the back burner. And I really hope you get
the help you need. I love the idea of you mentoring other children too, especially children similar to you, but make make mental health a part of your success story as well, so that you can show them the importance of you know, really pouring into an investing in your own mental health as well and not just you know, being successful from a financial standpoint exactly.
That's yeah, that's especially important. I love that.
Okay, well, this was our first b a Q and A.
We did it. Yeah, we did it.
We b a qa, What is that?
Which is that?
What it comes out to me?
Tiffany, I know, I don't know what to do with that. Y'all tell us leave us a comment, hit us up at Brown Ambition Podcast at gmail dot com, or leave us a send us a d M or ship. But definitely share this show with your friends. In fact, we would love if you just went right now and share this episode with just a few friends. You know, het that little share icon. Send it in a text message, easy peasy. Let us let them know about Brann and Bish. We'd love to help expand the reach of our show.
Yes, thank you,