Are You Coachable? (BA Q&A)

I took pictures. But there's one young woman in particular, Keimani, who she saw me, she stopped and she's like, oh my gosh, and then she proceeded to pour so much love into me. She spoke life into me. She just I mean, it was the most beautiful interaction that I've had. I literally started to cry. You know, she was just like, tiffing, I can't possibly know all that you've been through except for what you shared. And this is just like a snippet of what she said. But I want you to

know how many people that you've helped. My life is different because of you. I talk about you all the time. I share your book with everyone, you know, Like she's like, I hear how you uplift Mandy on the podcast how you up with your Unicorn squad? How you uplift your mentor? And she was like, despite all that's happening, you choose joy over and over and over again, and I hope you know how much that means to us. It was like I tried to hold together and then I just

started crying. It was the most beautiful interaction I've had in so long. She was like, she's a real listener. She said, I know you don't like hugs, but can I hug you? It was just a beautiful interaction in Keymannie. I just want to say thank you so much. And she said something so powerful. She's like, when things get really rough, I hope you remember this conversation and let it fill you with the light that you put into

other people. And it was just amazing. So I just forgot to shout her out in the last episode, and I just wanted to do that. So I'm gonna take a question that has come up. Actually was talking to one of my mentees earlier. You know, we'd be a Q where we answer business questions, finance questions, career questions, and so y'all know I be mentoring, right, I have a mentorship program. It's twenty bucks a month. Well, it depends if you listen to this five years from now,

it's probably more. But it's my mentor at Tiffany dot com and have a ton of mentees in there. And a question came up and I was kind of like coaching, and here is the here. I wouldn't say this is the question, but here is the response that I have that I want you to think about this, not just if you have a business, in general in life. And here's the question I have for you. Are you coachable?

Are you coachable? No? For un gather around leaning because the vast majority of people I find are not coachable. Some of you want to know what is the secret to success if you're talking about external success, not even just external success, but just success across the board. But for ease of conversation, let's talk external success. Right, here's the problem. People will reach out to me all the time, timpany, Timothy, can you mentor me? And I don't take on too

many one on one mentors. I started the mentorship program at my mentor Tiffany dot com because I can't possibly talk to every single person on the phone. But every once in a while, somebody will stand out to me and then I'll just say, oh, you know, like mentors usually choose you, I mean, and you choose them too, But there's usually like you know, asking a random person you don't know to mentor you. It's likely not going to happen, but you know, you build a relationship. They

like you, you like them. And what I'm looking for when I do take on a like a mentor a mentee, is are they coachable. There's this great I'm not a football stand but there's this this video of this young black football player who is like being interviewed after like I guess the game or whatever, and they as they're asking him, we saw the coach was pretty angry with

you when when you were on the field. And they show a clip like beside him, and it's like you could see the coach like red face walking on and saying ah, and he was like, they were like, what were you thinking of that time as he was kind of chewing you out? You know, football coaches be all wild and crazy, and he said, I mean, this dude had smile on his face. He said, here's the thing. When the coach walked on the field, mad I said, oh sha, the coach is mad. I wonder who he's

mad at. And then he was like, oh wait, it's me. And he was like. The coach basically was like, there was a play I guess that he had told this player to do in a specific way and the player forgot, you know, and the heat of the moment and didn't do it, and whatever bad thing happened at the result as a result turned over whatever happened, and so the coach came on the field to be like, I told you to do blah blah blah nah again. And so he said, how did that make you feel? This is

a reporter asking the player. And he said, here's the thing. I have learned to not listen to how coach says it, but what he's saying, because he was right. He told me this is the play because this team reacts this way, and I didn't do it and as a result, we got what we got. And he was like, I don't react negatively when the coach. Now, I'm not saying you should you should tolerate abuse. I'm just this is a bigger lesson. I don't react when the coach, you know,

is angry on the field with me. I don't give that energy back because I want to remain coachable. I want to be able to hear what he's saying and adjust. And I don't want him to not coach me, because that's why I came to this team. I knew the coach was really tough on this team, but I also knew that he coaches you to be a better player. Now let's take it on back to what that looks

like in your life. Like I said, I don't believe in abuse, but oftentimes people will ask me for I remember a friend of mine asked me to help his girlfriend with like credit advice, and so we got on the phone and I was like, you know, I was talking to her and I was like, let's say her name is Eve, Hey, Eve, you know, like you know, Steve said you need credited by She said yes, and

I said, well, tell me what's going on. So she shared and I said, oh, well, are you you know paying off your debt and full Well, I heard that you should leave a little bit on your card. I said, well, honestly, that's a myth that's been debunked no, because such as I said, So that was for me. It was kind of like strike number one, Okay, I said. All I said was okay. And then I was like, well, you know, you want to pay it off in full by the statement they No, I heard that you should pay it

twice a month. Well, actually that's not true. One of my friends is like this like really highlight. I mean, I know credit, but my friend Nativa is like super high level credit experts. She was like, actually I told her. I was like, Na, Tiva's actually sat down with like they have, like the federal government has like not courses, but kind of like open conversations with like credit experts to kind of express these are the new rules or whatever. And I was like, you know, one of the things

she learned at that time was that's not true. No, that is true, because so this is Eve telling me that Eve with the four hundred credit score telling me with the eight h two credit score that's what it is. And I just said okay. And then the third thing I can't remember what it was, you know, but I

think I was telling her like, oh, her utilization or whatever. No, I heard that you shouldn't even and I just said okay, and then we were just both quiet since she knew everything, and she was like, well, you know, I guess my score. You know, I don't know how I'm going to get it to go up. And I said, well, I'm sorry. I couldn't be more helpful. I had a lot more, because there are basic credit things, you know, basic things like paying off your debt in full, you know, making

small paints like they're basic things. She was not able to receive the basic because she had decided she knew everything, and so I kept the next level stuff that was really going to change, just sore. I kept it to the sound girl, I'm not going to battle you to improve you. You ain't coachable, and some of you are like, ooh, Eve, it's crazy you Eve. Go look at that mirror. Go look at that mirror, you Eve. So many of y'all are not coachable. You go to who knows more than you, admittedly,

because that's why you sought them out. And then when they give you advice that's contrary to the thing that you're doing that's not working. That's the part of child. I don't let me get hopped. Literally, you go to someone because what you're doing is not working, because if it was working in the way that you wanted, you wouldn't be seeking advice. You just be living your life. But what you're doing currently is not working. You go to someone. I know, I'm reading somebody for filth right now.

You go to someone because they have the expertise, and when they give it to you, because it don't fit the thing that's not working for you, you like, nah, girl, they can make sense, make it make sense, you know. And so you know what happens when you find that mentor that coach. They check out because guess what, they're busy experiencing the success that you say you want. I

can't tell you how many people come me. I have mentees who are literally like you know, they're just starting out in business, and I'm just like, oh, girl, you know, try this thing. Yeah, but or it's not big enough for them. Yeah, but will that make me a million dollars? Says you have no money. We're just starting out. Sis, I'm just trying to get you a hundred, one hundred dollars, then five then you want me to give you million

dollar game? You don't have the skill set to manage that yet, you know, And so what I see is when I see that people won't do the thing for the hundred or the five hundred, one thousand. I stopped mentoring cause I'm God, waits my time. You ain't gonna do it anyway. I have one friend who is She was one of my favorite people to mentor. When I met her, she was negative six figures in business, and now she's positive. I think the last time I took it was like a year's ago. She said that year

she had made two million dollars. I said, damn, what did I say? It's not just what I said. She took what I said and put I just booked her yesterday and put into action when I call b right. She called me, she said, hey, girl, what do you know? And I was like, I just woke up from a nap. I'm about to be with my financial advisor. And in fifteen minutes she said, that's all I need. Can I

ask you a question? Sure? Now me and be at the same age, and she was like, I'm about to do da, da da, I'm not really sure about this. I listened for two minutes and then she was quiet, and I was like, honestly, I've been in this situation before. The best way to approach it is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight. And then she asked some questions and I said yeah, no, yeah, because there's a difference between pushing

back and asking clarifying questions. She asked clarifying questions, not contradictory questions, like now I have heard that online that if you do that with your credit. That's not a clarifying question. That's like we're rid of the battle. Question. She has clarifying questions. I answered them, and then I restated, so here's the plan you're going to do one, two, three, four, five six. She was like, got it, Thank you so much.

Two minutes to spare. And that's why whenever I get tools and resources and access, I hit be up and I'm like, girl, like I just you know, I learned a new thing, my big homiecause I got big mentors. Have mentors, like I've got a lot of peers, people who are in the same position as me, give or take. I have a lot of mentees, and then I have some mentors who who like mentor me, and then I have big homy mentors who are like, you know, like if I said their names, you'd be like, wait, you

know that me. Yes, So I don't tap into them too often because I respect their time and not that I don't respect my peers time. It's just that with peers you can go back and forth regularly. You know, it's different. And so anyway, so sometimes a big homi mentor will drop a huge gem on me, and she be is one of the first people that I then passed that gem onto because she's going to plant the seed that I have given her. You know what, you

need a menum to marinate. Let's take a quick commercial break, a quick break, murderate all that for a little, but I'll be right back. Okay, I'm back, all right, And so like are you coachable? And so it's so important to in the mirror and say currently, I'm not. I'm always pushing back. I'm not really listening. I'm not doing the small things. Because most people, so I met with them, I won't say his name because I don't know if

he wants me to tell the story. So I met, I'm really cool with He's this Grammy Award winning, very well known black man who is now the huge investor in business owner. Right, So he he and I we did like a project together and afterwards we just had some chatbout afterwards and I said, okay, And during that chat bout, he asked me, you know, what is it? You know? Is there anything I could do for you to if you know? Everybody was asset, and I said,

actually I had a very specific clear asset. I say, actually, I'm making the transition in the budgetista. Here's a specific way I'm making a transition. Here's what I've done and what I'm really good at. Here's a small piece that I don't really get. I would love if you had some feedback or whatever, like if you know anything or anybody that can help me with this piece of this? He said. First of all, can I commend you? He said, Most times I ask people that they either say nothing

or they basically want you to put them on. There is nothing more telling about your lack of desire to do the work when you give somebody a big help me out, put me on to what I don't know, help me out. Oh, you ain't willing to do no work. You want me to do the work for you, because what does that even mean? Help you out? How that means you have not done any of the prior work? Necessary to get you ready to actually receive any specific help.

You know, you have to have done some pre work so you can be ready for whatever someone's going to plan into You never waste to ask. I never waste and ask if I don't if I'm not clear on my ass, I'm not. I'm gonna be quiet, you know, not from my big homemie, not for my big mentor. With peers, you can go back and forth, but not

from the big mentor, you know. And so I had the specific ass He said, you know what, I have a friend really cool with that just sold their business to huge hu qu qu, huge conglomerate, and I think this actually be a great match for you. I'm gonna introduce you to him. And I was like, you see, I have done the prior work I have, you know,

got really clear on the ask. I asked it to the right person who I thought might be aligned with the solution, and then remain open to be coachable, like and I'm certainly not perfectcause Lord, I'm only being I'm only able to say this to you because they're so often, especially in the beginning, I was not coachable. Oh but that's not gonna work. That's not go. I was not coachable, and I realized that I am stating. I think one

of my mentors got frustrated with me. It was like, well, girl, if you know everything, then just do it your way, and it like it hit me, like, girl, why are you asking this person questions if you're not willing to make any shift? You know, I can't tell you, like some of the people who are mentoring you, if you don't remain open, they're not going to take you into the next room. They're gonna give you a little light dusting. They're like, she ain't ready because you want me to

introduce you, like I know, Oprah. I'm not me. I'm just saying like they like I know, Oprah, I know Robert S. Smith, I know, Well, why should I introduce them to you when you ain't ready? Because you couldn't do the two things I told you to do, but you want me to bring you to the big room. Now. Now you have to make yourself worthy of the dream that you seek, and you make yourself worthy through the work. You know, so you have to ask yourself, are you going to be like b who, when given the tools

and the resources, put them to work. Ask clarifying questions are not confrontational talking about it's not gonna work, or this is my dad gone landscape and I hope y'all can't hear that. Or are you going to be like Eve who know every damn thing but don't have the thing that you're wanting? You know, like, you know, like you have to decide you're gonna be like b or you're gonna be like Eve, you know, like if you're

really wanting. And I'm not just talking about success in business, I'm also talking about success in you know, your personal life, success in whatever it is that you're trying to accomplish. You know, when you're reaching out and asking for help, are you open? Are you coachable? You have a whole therapist, but you don't listen. M oh, I got you the assist, didn't I right? You know, you got your your bestie been telling you about such and such is toxic and

you know they are, but you ain't listening. Okay, you know, like, are you coachable? Okay? Well, if you do have a business and you a sister, and I mean we have people who are not sisters. But if you do have a business and you want to come on over and let me coach you, you know, going over to my mentor tipany dot com and yeah, I coach there. It's fun. It's fun over there. But no, for real, this is

not a judgment zone. This is just a self awareness zone and it's nothing is more important than being self aware. So that way you know where you are, so you know where you want to be and then you make that leap forward. So said that would love a little sass, but said that would love all right, I will see you if you didn't listen to the episode on Wednesday, I break down my time at the Lauryn Hill concert

and what a time I had. Yes, she was late spoiler alert, but go ahead and listen to that episode until next week. Oh. If you have questions that you want answered, you can go to a Brinibision podcast at gmail dot com, briannibision podcast dot com and click a contact a flott into our DMS Brown Abvission podcast on ig and we take your business questions, your personal questions, your mentorship questions, your money questions, your career questions. All right, y'all. Bye,