Textual Healing: Take A Dip In Rent

Hey, it's Brook and Jeffrey in this is the Second Date podcast. And I don't know if the best part of Textual Healing is the actual help or just the intro song.

It's so good. It's my favorite show open that we have love it. So it is just singing just so you know. Gots coming up in just a minute.

But first comment, Yeah, Amanda Nichols said, I'm a full time college student majoring in computer science. I never thought I would find myself getting addicted to a random morning radio show the way I have.

With this one.

I've definitely developed a parasocial relationship with these guys and never failed to brighten up my morning commute to class.

So happy I found this show. And I love when our listeners use big words we don't unders. I know it's gonna have to google that, lad.

I love our paranormal relationship parasouck.

Okay, let's just get into it. The textual Healing starts now.

I don't know about you guys, but I've never been caught doing weird stuff at work, you people. I mean, I definitely do it, and whoever sees it usually wants to join in, So technically I'm not he costs.

I mean, you're just not told on right.

I see. For one of our listeners, she says she was coming home to her apartment the other day and came across her landlord in a very compromising position, and what she decided to do next could be either the smartest or dumbest move of her entire life. Oday, she reached out to us, hoping to use the information to her advantage. So we're gonna try and help her in a textual healing coming up next, Text you will heal, then text you will. You know you have a clogged toilet,

Jeffrey?

You call fifteen other people and ask their answers. Well, if they all suck, then you can come to us for a little textual healing.

We got there, and.

One of our listeners has gone through her entire friend group came up with nothing, So now she wants our help. Her name is CALLI CALLI Welcome to the show.

Hi, thank you so much, please help.

I'm glad we're your last resort, Kelly, glad your real.

Friends don't answer. Ye, Well, tell us about your situation a little bit and how we can help heal you textually.

Okay.

So I'm living in this apartment. It's the best apartment that I've ever lived in. It's like a great location. You know, I have like the most amazing view. Apartment complex has a pool.

Do they have any availability right now? Doesn't sound like we can afford.

To live there, That's the thing. So I can't even afford to live here, like barely right now. And I'm afraid they're going to increase my rent in a couple of months when my rent is supposed to be renewed.

Are we going to negotiate your rent via text message?

I think we can do it. I think we could. I can talk anybody down.

I'm telling you your lease is coming up here? How long?

Yeah, in a couple of months about about okay?

Okay, but Loki, I need them to reduce the rent by at least one hundred dollars where I'm going to have to move.

Oh wow, we're going to get a rent reduction? Does that happen anymore?

It does?

I'm gonna call exactly what.

We do today? Okay, how are you going to get your rent knocked down?

The only thought that I have in terms of how I can do this, and I really think I can, is the fact that we have a new property manager. Okay, super cute, and he's about my age. I just have a feeling like if I work them a little bit, massage them a little bit via text message.

Okay, are you saying you're gonna start hitting on your new property manager?

I like it. I don't want to hit on him, but I have a feeling that, like, uh, you know, I want to.

Put a viet you want to create a rapport?

Exactly, I need to create a rapport. I need to like get in there and just figure out a way to get Dave the property manager, to sign off on a ret renewal that is preferably less.

I was joking about negotiating rent prices. I don't actually know that we're the best people for that.

I think I think it's possible.

Have you texted with Dave yet? Like, have you met him at all?

We've had one interaction.

Okay, Okay, that's something to work with.

Yeah, he's stooping a rat, a dead rat out of the pool.

Yeah, long new place, but it's actually run down.

The pool like an above ground like tarp that they set up.

It's just in the city. I'm guessing a rat.

In the pool, I know. And I saw what he was doing and just like was like ew and then he kind of like laughed like yeah, you know, my job sucks, but Hi, how you doing?

What a fun interaction.

But that could almost be blackmail, right because she's the only one that saw the rat, and if she told other people. I mean, if we're gonna get dirty with this guy and we want to like get a rent reduction.

I don't know if blackmailing your apartment manager is the best way to go.

Okay, I like what.

I agree?

I think we could have like a friendly agreement to like keep that between us, you know, Like the other option is obviously, like should I flirt with them?

Should I throw them a smile?

Well, we have to do this over a text message? Yes, So I'm going to google tricks to make strangers do stuff for you?

Okay, I fell over.

Text is the hard part.

AI is really going to take over our jobs.

This is a twenty one and over website. This isn't seven ways to make a stranger help you out. Number one says smile.

Can't do that on the text.

You could get a smile emoji, so we could start with a smiley emoji. Number two is used their name a few times, Dave, Dave, Dave. So yeah, Dave, Hey Dave, what's up Dave?

Well, I mean you have to start with hey, Dave, Kelly from you know, whatever your apartment number is.

Remember I'm I'm the the girl that saw you fish the rat out of the pool and shouted gross.

Maybe just be like, I think it's actually perfect.

Right at least they put It'll help him put a face to the name.

I could be like, I'm the blonde who said ew while you were fishing the rat out of the pool.

There are other people with other hair combs.

Well, she said gross to him and they had one sentence conversation, So that's good. Number three says used humor. Yeah, maybe maybe telling a joke, It says, even if it doesn't land, it shows you're trying to be fun, and I'd hire you.

To be my combanda boy any day of the week.

You know, we have a pool for rats.

That's how fancy it is.

Maybe a rat of tuy Joe could be funny like that.

Don't you have to do the little rat emoji?

Though?

So here's my idea to incorporate everything that we've learned here. Hey, Dave, Dave, I'm that blonde girl who said gross when you pulled the rat out of the pool. And later, maybe you can come by and we can have some ratituey. What do you think, Dave, smiley face? That sounds wow, fatty, but it's going off of the internet suggestions here. The internet is small than any of us.

Sound like a computer.

Sure?

What if the joke is I haven't been able to cook anything all week because that rat was the one teaching me.

No, they said there was no bad jokes, but I think we just proved them. I don't know, cal. I mean, the final decision is yours. It's your text message, so you get to decide what you want to write.

I mean, I definitely feel like something along the lines like heydays nice. It's Callie from apartment the blonde two said gross when you fish the rat at the pool.

Just wanted to welcome you to the building.

Oh yeah, I wanted to welcome you to the building. Ratitude at my place, and she sounds.

Pretty solid rat emoji.

Yeah oh yeah, okay said, I mean, we started off on kind of rocky ground there, but I feel like we ended up with a pretty solid text.

I mean, at least I'm sure we're going to get a response. He may be like, what are you on? Like, yeah, you might be victim.

Maybe he'll be like, I want some of whatever you're on.

You don't respond, that's for sure, let's find out. We're going to continue and see if Dave the apartment manager is going to lower your rent when we do textual.

Healing thank you.

Right after this, one of our listeners, Calli, is on the phone right now. She loves her apartment, but her lease is coming up, and if she wants to stay, which she desperately does, she's gonna need to get a rent reduction or she won't be able to afford it anymore. Now, a younger single guy has apparently taken over managing her building. His name is Dave, and he is cute from what we hear.

That's what she says, because they're only interaction in person has been while she was watching him take a drowned rat out of their pool with a net.

And she screamed ew gross. Yeah, and he acknowledged it and was like, yeah, my job is terrible. So essentially he's basically a stranger to her at this point. That's why I googled the top seven ways to make a stranger like you and want to help you instantly, which I feel like has already been on your Google search history. Yeah, it did auto fill the rest of it. So her first text incorporated three points that I came across. It said, One, you should smile, so we used smile emoji. Two, use

The first text, went once but okay.

Well maybe that was our mistake. Number Three, break the ice with some levity or a joke. So we referenced the dead rat that we could do something with ratituey as a meal over at her apartment, Kelly has He responded, he did, why.

You sound sad? What did he say?

Oh?

No, okay, he said, what So you're the tenant who saw me pull the rat out of the pool. You're joking about the ratituy right?

Yeah, okay, this is good though.

This is good because he's nervous he's nervous. He's nervous, you're gonna rat him out.

Okay, we are next.

Seventy listeners just tuned away.

Yeah, I need I need some real advice.

Guys, that was real.

Let's do the damsel in distress angle where it says, Hey, Dave, I'm in a situation and I could really use your help.

So we're saying, hey Dave again.

I'm sticking with the suggestions. You need to continue using his name need from.

The pool of life.

First you say, yes, it was a joke, that's a fair and then you move into I need your help with something.

I like that. Coli, I'm like a financial rat drowning in that.

But you laugh at him.

That was funny.

Okay, I expect them from men, expect them.

Just tell him like, I seriously need a way to figure out how to lower my rent by one hundred dollars right now.

Let's wait till the next text for that slow Jeffrey.

Ask for the example if you pointed out my roles, that's really offensive.

Okay, I got it, I got it.

So Hey Dave, yes, ratitude, he was a joke. I'm actually in.

A situation I could use your help. My release is coming up, and I need to find a way to reduce it by at least one hundred dollars.

Any idea, I.

Just went from like to like very I know it's direct, rat, but you want an answer, so go for it.

And it's business relationship right now.

And from his last is clear he remembers you.

So okay, I send It's okay, I.

Said, did you put a smiley emoji on it?

Though I did not?

Okay, okay, I just that one that went out.

Follow up, it's going.

To be like a big smiling I mean, that's interesting. We're just we're just oh my.

God, oh my god.

He's just finding he's an I mean that.

Hold on.

That, stuy. I'm sorry, it's something they started doing long.

Don't apologize for fun. Yes, forgot? What did he what did he write?

He wrote, Well, you could get a roommate that would reduce it by a lot more than one hundred dollars. We could see if we can move you into a smaller unit facing the back alley.

Now look at the rats.

What if you write back and say, Dave, I don't think a view of the of more rats is in my wheelhouse.

Yes, that's funny. Let's let's go with that.

It's what Jose said. I just reset it. Yeah, seriously, when.

I wait, I'm going to make it sound like he made a joke, like, haha, Dave, I don't need a view of more.

Rats like they feel funny. I love it, but we need to ask a question to keep him responding. So let's add something to it, like is there any way I could stay in my same apartment and pay less?

Yeah?

Okay, okay, I mean, honestly, what about this?

What if you volunteer to be on rat patrol at the pool and they could pay you one hundred dollars?

Want to do it?

You know?

Odd?

I don't like. Yeah, gross, that's a lot.

Everybody wants the money without working for it.

I see you said, Hey, I'm willing to sign a three to maybe four year lease if this will help me. Screw that one hundred year lease. I want to die in this building like that, sping me out. I think rat.

Patrol is much better than this.

Somewhere you go, this is anybody else?

He said, I don't think there's any way you can stay here and pay less unless you want to help me get rid of the rat right, what is inside joke turn into me becoming like the rat patrol.

I can't, I can't.

My dad uses these poison traps that they don't even barely have to deal with a carcass doing a breakdown of how to kill rats they have like the new stuff they have is amazing, although a good old fashion.

I'm so sorry, are you willing to kill rats?

I don't even want to talk about it? But I just asked them, are you sure, Dave? Is there anything else you could be?

The red queen? He could be the ret key.

Mat Me put a smiley face after those texts.

Don't forget that last one. I definitely did not.

Okay, well, maybe this is time to compromise.

And then he says, if you do this, then he did two hundred dollars off.

Your red Say you're going to do it, then start dating an exterminator and get him to come in and do the work.

Stop trying to live out your fantasy. To our listeners, most people dream of a pizza boy.

I bet they don't have a lot of options in the day.

Let's get back to the texts. Is that so we said? Is there anything else that you can do?

Are you sure?

David, is there anything else? And he is typing again. He says, we have an ant problem in the northwest part of the building.

That what isn't living in your apartment building?

Now you work there too.

I mean, first he wanted me to do deal with the rats, and now he wants me to get rid of the ant.

Are you open to that?

Because I have been there in a second, I can't wait to kill a bunch of.

Honest Okay, well, you I think if you knock off, if you knock off to hundred, I'll do.

The rat negotiations. You're gonna get it.

That's good.

I'll do the rat thing.

Okay, can you send me a link for like the poison traps that you're down?

Yeah, definitely can. I'll text my dad right now. He loves this stuff. Are you kidding me?

Brook will do a whole podcast about properly. I feel my dad textually healed you now at this point, right Kelly, Oh my.

Gosh, Dave, Dave.

Dave just texted back deal.

Yeah, Now you're the rat lady in the building. Are there any snakes in there too? For free?

It's probably more likely raccoon.

Well, I'll let you know if I end up with the bubonic plate, but I think I get to keep the apartment.

Well.

Yeah, if you ever want textual healing, please email someone else.

Brook and Jeffrey in the morning.

Oh what we won't do for cheaper rent?

For real rats?

Rat?

Would you?

Would you hunt down some rats for Twitter bucks? Off your red I just.

Hate rats so much. I said that I could do with spiders.

Yes, if you think of rats just as little big mice, I still don't like that. You don't like little bigger mice?

Yeah, enormous, little baby. Did you say rats?

No?

Bro, Okay, the spiders you can handle. Yeah, I could do that. For what do I do? Jose?

What do you?

What do you think you could take down?

I would never kill an animal because I'm a saint.

Killing capture and bring it to a new hull.

No, to be honest, I'm scared of all animals.

Sorry, nobody captures rats and brings them to New.

Yeah, back to the sewer, little guy.

My life's changed seven.

Thank you so much for being here. This is a Bricka Jeffrey Second Day podcast. It's the official one, so we'd love you to subscribe it in.

The world to us and do what you need to do to get that two hundred dollars off your red. Yeah, let us know what you end up doing. Yeah, totally