Second Date Update PODCAST: Poetry Slammed

girl that he wants to call today at a poetry reading. Mark, were you impressed by my work? Sir? You know what? Not half bad? Thank you very much, and you're a liar already. Um so yeah, your email said that you're a poet. Huh yeah, yeah, i'd like to think so. At least that's awesome. Are you able to make a living doing that? Oh no, not at all. But I got open mic shows and whatnot. You know, get to meet new people. It's a lot of fun. Yeah, okay.

Most of us, really artistic poets aren't recognized until after our death. Exactly. We've got plenty at time, so, you know, so how did you meet the girl that you want to call today? You met her out of poetry reading. Yeah, I was up an open mic and I was reading a few poems and one of them, the last one, got really well received. You know, I got a really great applause from its A lot was exciting cool. What

was it about? Well, the one that people really liked was about a break up I had a couple of years ago that was more of an event really than a breakup. Was it sad or was it empowering? What was the tone of your breakup poem? It was sad from my end, but you know, she came over livid, and I guess the climax of it was that I had a large like candle in the middle of my coffee table that was lit, and she was still mad. But she took it and threw it across the room

and smash on the wall. WHOA, that's crazy. You'll realize this wax is really hard to clean up. So you read a poem about this breakup, and that's what attracted the girl to you, I guess. So she came up to me at the bar and said, you know, I really really enjoyed it, and I thought that was great, but she liked it. Hey, there's nothing better than bonding over some crazy X stories because that's just what it sounds like to me, exactly exactly. What better way to

talk about it than through poetry? Yeah, all right, so do you guys hang out at the bar for a little while? And yeah, we hung out there for a little while, and I asked her if she wanted to grab drinks somewhere else. We went across the street to a bar that she liked and had a couple of drinks and it was going really well until I was trying to compliment her. You know, but it's so boring to hear like, oh, you're gorgeous, so you're so smart,

you know. I feel like women hear that all the time. No, not enough, never enough enough, yep, but continue should I should have gone simply because the compliment I went with, and I stand by it. I'll let me stay first. I stand by it. I told her that she is beautiful like a snail. That yeah, that doesn't sound like okay,

but with I explained myself. I said, snails, in my mind are beautiful creatures because they have this, you know, gorgeous like exterior that like keeps them protected, but on the inside they're very like soft and vulnerable and beautiful in a way. Yeah, I think maybe you could have gone with something else, man, like, you don't know her well enough to know that she's vulnerable on the inside either. Well aren't we all? That's what I was going with it,

I think. So, Yeah, we all have a very deep, tough outer shell and then once you get through that, we have these slimy little insides that if you sprinkle some salt on it, we with her up and die. Exactly, I see, where are you going? But that's because we connect on a different level because we're poets. Absolutely. Yeah, So she wasn't wooed by you comparing her to a snail. I guess not. It's better than a slug, I think, but not that different. Really did her mood change after that? Yeah,

I'd say so. The conversation got a little more difficult after that. And then at the end of the night, I just said, you know, I had a great night, and she immediately stuck out her hands for a handshake. Yeah, that was it. Huh. Well, she did give you a number, which was you know, encouraging, right, But that was that was before I called her a snail, she was a beautiful like snail, beautiful like Okay, so you ended it with a handshake. Yeah, Well, okay, we're gonna play a song, Mark,

and then we're gonna come back. Okay, Still I got nothing, Mark, did you have anything that will rhyme for me? Bong song bong, We'll come back and write the wrong. That's good like that? All right, We're gonna play a song, Mark, and then we're gonna come back and write the wrong off the top of my head, brilliant. All right. Hold on, man, we'll be back right after the fucking jubil in the morning. Hold on, let's try this again. If you're just tuning

in second date, big mistake. Mark's I rate date is a flake, so gone, so bad. Never any encouragement from dad. Why Mark's dad? Was it so hard to care? Instead? You were careless? And now Mark's in deep stress? Hold him? Thank you, thank you very much. I don't know that chills down my spine, very deep, very deep, Mark's dad. That's what a real mystery we should be solving right now, not this date thing. What it all came down to, I think in that poem right there, if you're just

tuning in for today's second date update. Mark is on the phone and Mark is a poet. He met the girl that he wants to call today at one of his poetry readings. He goes to open mic nights a lot, and she came up to him after he was done and really liked one of the poems that he read about his crazy ex girlfriend. They talked at the bar for a little while and then went somewhere else to hang out, and he says that her mood kind of changed when he said that she was as beautiful as

a snail. He was trying to say that she was like hard on the outside but soft on the inside, like everybody, but he thinks she didn't really like that very much. He ended the date with a handshake, but has her phone number and tried to reach out to her and she hasn't responded to anything. Mark. Do we need to talk about those issues with your dad first or you want to just do the second date? Yeah? I think that's a longer show than this. Okay, I

just thought he's in tears over the whole thing. Well, dollar phone number right now, get her on the phone and see if we can figure out what we're wrong. All right, great, and I'll stop with all the bad poetry, will you? Though I don't think you will. I don't trust you at all. I can't make that promise. I found a new passion Mark because of you, Bernie. Yeah, all right, I'm gonna dollar Phoneimercy. We get her on the phone. Here we go, Oh, Mark, I never even

asked what her name is? What's her name? Oh, Lizzie, Lizzie. Sorry, I was so wrapped up in my own poetry I forgot to ask. All right, I'll die Lizzie's phone of her right now we go? Hello, Hi, can I speak to Lizzie? Please? This is her speaking. He's calling Hi, Lizzie. This is Jewel from brook and Jewel in the Morning. Okay, what is it? It's a radio show. That's a I've never been called by radio before. Well cool, there's a first for everything. Any idea why I'm calling you? No idea? Okay, Well,

contemplating hanging up? No, please don't please don't hang up. Yeah, don't hang up. You're going to be very interested in this phone call, okay, because it involves I'm sure one of the many men that's vying for your attention beating down your door. I guess you're implying that I go on lots of awesome dates. Well, I heard you're as beautiful as a snail, so I figured probably going out on a lot of dates sounds vaguely familiar. Does it remind you of somebody named Mark? Yeah? Actually it's not

a bad giggle. That is kind of a positive giggle that you have right there. Well, I mean that was kind of cute. It was cute, okay. So yes, Mark is the guy that asked us to call you. He says that you met after one of his poetry readings and he really enjoyed spending time with you. But now you're not answering any of his phone calls or text messages, and he was hoping we could find out why. Well, it wasn't like the best date ever. Okay, Okay. He said he thought that you liked him until he said

the line about being as beautiful as a snail. I mean, the snail thing. I was like, what, it's weird, But it was like, I don't know. I guess he was just trying to be like dorky and poetic and I find meaning and nothing and then make at something okay, So I was like, I was like, oh, you know, like he's trying. So that's nice. But so it wasn't the snail line. No, it wasn't the snail One got me was the date already bad before the snail line

because he thought that that was the turning point? No, no, no, I mean he made fun of me, what, like how well we were just talking about poetry and stuff, you know, like you do it places where people will go and talk about poetry and makes sense. So he asked me, you know who my favorite poet was? And I told him and he just laughed at me. He just made fun of me and for it. So I thought, wow, this guy is kind of a joke. Oh wow, so you brought up your favorite poet and he laughed at

your taste? Yeah, just shot me down, Like did you tell him that? We talked about it, and we kind of felt like we were arguing and going back and forth and it was just not comfortable. And I like how he asks your opinion and then says, oh, that's a bad opinion. Yeah, maybe he thought I was joking, but I definitely wasn't because my answer was one of my biggest inspirations. So when he shot me down, I was like, wow, it was guy's gonna wah yeah, okay,

well who's your biggest inspiration? So I said that my favorite poet was doctor SEUs and he laughed at that. That's awesome though, And now the guy in the backgrounds laughing. Great, you don't expect like people to talk about great poets. And then I mean, maybe you do. I don't know. I'm not a big poetry guy, but I wouldn't think doctor Seuss like we'll see you. I mean, like it doesn't matter, Like any time I bring it up, everyone's gonna think that I'm kidding, like it's a joke. And

see he's laughing again. I can tell you you're getting upset. And Jose laughs at everything, so don't worry about that. Okay, he laughs at everything. But I will tell you this Mark is actually on the other line listening and wants to talk to you. Oh my god, are you serious? Sorry if that makes you even more upset, Oh my god,

doctor SEUs, that's what this is about. Well, yes, that's what offended me, Like you really hurt my feelings because I vulnerable, like a little smell opened up and told you something that I like, and then you just like shoved it right back in my face, and it was it was rude. I genuinely thought you were No, no, no, you haven't. You have no respect for me? Say, why would I call you Mack. It's not that I don't

respect for you, Lizzie. We have a great time. I'm just saying, doctor Seuss, who inspired you to be a I mean? What? Well? Yeah, I mean obviously you can not get past that. Then, like, if you can't, you know, deal with the real meeds and you don't deserve it. So one fish, two fish, Red fish, blue fish is not a poem I think it is. Yeah, yeah, it definitely is a poem. It's a pole for children. I thought we were talking about real poets. I thought we

were having a grown up conversation. And then you start talking about you know, everyone loves the Grinch. But I'm not ten years old anymore. Mark. You need to back off right now? Well am I offending you right now? Does anyone else there actually think doctor Seuss is a real poet? Well? Oh, come on? Children truly? And maybe there are people that bought the over six hundred million copies of his work that was sold. Yeah, maybe that counts for something. What have you sold? Okay, well maybe

I haven't sold anything. But did Doctor SEUs go to open mics every weekend trying to like perfect the craft? Do we know that for sure? I don't know. Maybe Doctor SEUs did go to open mics. I guarantee Doctor SEUs never opened up to a live audience and to die far. I bet he was at home scribbling down children's writing. I can't believe how ignorant you are right now. He went to Dartmouth College. I'm sure he had to speak in front of many people. How do you know

so much about him? Like I told you, he didn't listen to me before. He is one of my biggest inspirations. So yeah, I'm gonna know some stuff about him. And like, you don't even have a clue what you're talking about. You're the one that called me, Well, if I want to be a hack like doctor SEUs and write about cat in the Hat and bat, then I could, And you know what, I could probably sell a million copies. But I don't. I go up there and I talked about my feelings in the world around me like a

real poets supposed to I find it harder. I even have to defend myself in regard to doctor SEUs other than writing children's books and poems. I mean, he's very political, and he has all kinds of hidden symbolism and green eggs and ham and oh no, no, that's not what is. The symbolist is in green eggs and ham food poisoning. Yeah, why don't you go back to your own apartment, is write your whiny poems about your ex girlfriend, because that's

clearly the only type that you can get. Well, okay, great, Why don't you just go back to the bookstore and sit in the children's section on a mini stool and read your pop up books at more pleasant than talking to you? For sure, we would get you on the phone market you to apologize. It's say, oh my god, I didn't mean to dis your inspiration. I'm sorry. I would have if she didn't double down on it. I mean, good lord, not, is that not what this whole phone

calls about? Just to make fun of me some more? No, No, it was trying to get It was to try to get you a second date with Mark, which, if you would like a second date with Mark, Lizzie, we would pay for it. Would you like to go out with him again? No? Hell no, that is the last thing that I would want to do. I'd rather go sit in the children's section of the library and read pulp up books. Thank you, it does sound pretty fun. Actually, never call me again, wow, he Mark? Yeah, no second

date for you, man, I'm sorry. Yeah, I didn't sound like but I did in that time write a poem about it. If you want to hear it. I no, I would love to. No, don't put me on the spot like that. I didn't actually have anything prepared. Judging by the text messages we're getting in at seven, eight, five nine too, it's official. Doctor SEUs is a real poet, I think so. If you missed today's second eight update that was taped when Brooke was still here. She's out

on maternity to leave. Jackie is filling in. But Mark wanted to call Lizzie. They met at a poetry night open mic night. She was there, saw him performing and liked him. So they hung out a little bit and she wasn't calling him back. Why wasn't she calling back? Well, because he was very offended that she said her favorite poet was doctor SEUs. And then yeah, just went on to rip her about her taste and poetry, just like

you don't understand what a real poet goes through. I think he even said the line, did doctor SEUs go to open mic nights every week and work on his poetry? I doubt it. Yeah, everybody in Textican at seven eighty five and nine two can't stand this guy and said he's super pretentious and she shouldn't go out with him. And she decided to not go out with him again. Good good, unfortunately, because I think they would have made a great couple. He could have really taught her a

lot about poetry. Remember, if you want to do a second day update, all you have to do is email the show and we will call the person who didn't call you back. But you should know if you're out with someone who's a poet and you bring up doctor SEUs, that's the reason they're not calling you. Guy,