Second Date Update: Hired A Hinge Coach

Dude, we actually had a listener pay for advice, of course, not our advice. Okay, yeah, he hired an actual coach and he did get one very very very useful piece of advice that you're gonna hear in just a second. But first we got to say thank you so much for being here on a Monday. We got a brand new episode for you on our Second Date podcast, and we'd love to highlight a comment. Yeah, Melissa said. My boss saw me smirk and said, you've been smiling and

All right?

Your brand new episode starts right now. Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning Second Date Updates.

I can't believe I'm saying this. Okay, but if you're a guy on a dating app right now. Looking back to twenty twenty four, those were the good old days of online meetups. Just like a year and a half, oh yeah, remember those the golden era. Don't even get me started on twenty twenty three. Oh oh, they make

You do get the sense that people are just over it.

Yeah, you know, like not totally regime. Let's face it, there's a really good Netflix show. You can binge with your cat right now, and you don't need some random guy to be there and ruin that for you.

Honestly, the cat probably smells better.

Yeah, So just blow that, dude and move on with your life solo. I get it, okay, But one of our listeners says he was determined to change that narrative. Okay, fix the pattern, and his name is Roman. He's asked for our help today. Roman, welcome to the show.

Hey guys, thanks so much for having me.

All right, you're going to fix it for all men out there, just for yourself?

Roman, Well, at this point, I don't even know if it worked for myself.

What was your plan? How did you try to change the online dating trends.

Well, dating after so hard these days, and a lot of times I don't even know how to really get from just a regular conversation to an actual meetup. So I hired a hinge coach.

Oh you got a coach? Oh yeah, okay, I mean, I guess dating coaches have been around for a long time, and we all.

Have a friend that can help, but like an actual coach, like a professional that knows how the online matchups really work.

And we'll be honest with you.

Okay, you know your friends will not. But what did your your hinge coach? What was his instruction for you?

You know? He said something that was so simple, but it really changed my life. He said, once you match you had a couple of comments back and forth, you just have to go for it and say the following and he quotes Okay, I feel like getting to know each other would be more natural in person.

Oh, implying that this feels very awkward between us.

Yeah that I feel like that coach is not going to be happy. You just spilled all his information. Yeah, people pay for I.

Charged people five dollars for that.

Yeah, but it worked, It really worked. Now I'm actually getting dates.

XI from the match to the act.

It's hard not to agree with that statement.

Yeah, I mean anybody could use it, like guys, girls.

Right yeah, aliens. Yeah sure, if aliens spoke English totally, I bet some girls will be down to try some alien species based on what they've had to deal with lately. So who's the woman that you matched with that you want us to call today?

Well, her name is Haley.

Okay.

And also, this is some advice I can give that helps. Don't ask for her number, give them your number.

Strategy that I mean, you would feel more comfort as a woman that way.

Right, Yeah, absolutely, And it worked. She texted me and I was like, dude, this can't be real. Now.

Is this the first person that you use this strategy on?

It wasn't the first, but it's been the most successful, which is why I'm so curious as to why it's not going any further. Because we went out, we met, it was awesome, Okay, what'd you do? We went to the Mediterranean restaurant Mediterranean Mediterranean? Did I say Mediterranean? You did?

That's vegetarian and Mediterranean mixed together?

I think, yeah, yeah, we did the vegetarian Mediterranean. But it was going so well that even halfway through the date, we were talking about what we're going to do the next time.

Cute, rare.

I've been on dates like that, but those are rare. It's got to be a good sign, That's what I thought.

But then we're talking and all of a sudden, she gets real quiet, and it seems like she's thinking more about it, and I don't know what it is.

She's like, wait a minute, why did I say future plans? Oh my god? Is that what it felt like? She was trying to walk back.

Absolutely. I was worried she was thinking of a movie too fast? Or does she have other guys she wants to see, because I mean, she is gorgeous.

She's really beautiful, Like this guy's going to take me to another Mediterranean restaurant.

I mean it sounds like you have other women you're talking to as well.

Not really, because my whole thing is like, we'll talk, but once we go out, if it is successful, then I kind of back off of the other people until I see where this one goes.

Okay, Okay, you.

Didn't ask her to do the same, did you?

No?

No, no, no, no no, no, okay, all right, but you could tell there was the hesitation just.

For a moment, just for a moment, and then she kind of snapped out of it and we started talking again and it was amazing. But you know, I didn't want to overstate by welcome, so I walked into her car and we actually we kissed. You.

So what's happened since then?

I mean she hasn't completely ghosted me. It hasn't been all ghosting, but like if I say, hey, do you want to plan the next time, I'll get a I'll get back to you on.

That energy shift, it's like non committal.

Yeah, she's brushing him off.

Sure, And I just don't know what's going on. So I really need you guys to help me out.

Sometimes, Brooke, I'll ask you a question and you'll say, I'll get back to you on that. You're not completely brushing me off.

I'll never get back to you on that.

You should just say that directly, but then you.

Have follow up questions if I say that, and then that's a noise.

I know. Communication is so hard.

Easier to just lead you on and make you say that you're going to get something.

Oh man, where is that hinge coach where you need one to deal with your coworker.

I'll give you his number.

Okay, I have a question. Did you ask him about this?

No, my free trial expired.

Okay, you're coming to the free service Brook and Jeffrey in the morning.

Remember you get what you paid for.

Okay, so we're gonna do that. We'll give you exactly what you paid for when we call Haley and get some more details on what really may have happened on your Meditanean date's coming up right after this.

Brook and Jeffrey in the morning.

Second date updates, planning your next date in the middle of your first one. And that's something that doesn't normally happen unless you're really clicking and are both feeling excited and vulnerable with each other. And that's what our listener, Roman says happened when he met up with Haley for dinner until a few minutes later, when Hailey suddenly got a little quiet like, uh oh, why am I committing so quickly to another hangout with this guy I barely know him?

Yeah, that was definitely his read.

Yeah, Roman wasn't exactly sure what she was thinking, but he did end up getting a kiss at the end of the night. The weirdest part though, is since then, she's been kind of rushing him off over and over where he'll suggest a date and a time and then she'll say, you know, I'll get back to you on that.

Yeah.

So it's been enough delaying where Roman has decided forget it. I'm just gonna come to the radio show, get some radio lance.

Remember.

Yeah, that's it. Well, yeah, that's his free trial.

I wasn't going to pay for more hinge coaching, so here we are.

Did sound like it would have been worth your money.

Yeah, well it's still an option if we fail you Roman, so you can keep that in your back pocket.

Yeah, I'll do my best.

I mean best case scenario is she is just busy with other dates. Because you sound like a confident guy. You sound like you're a guy that could be like, yeah, sure, put me up against some other dudes. I'll win.

M h.

Yeah, I'm gonna be honest. I don't like that read that's not well he should be getting. I really don't want to compete with a bunch of other dudes.

Okay, okay, Well, trying to hype you up as like confident guy.

Yeah, maybe just one other guy? Will you go one on one with the dude. If he's smaller than.

You, be smaller. Oh sure, Well, we're not.

Beating people out either of you.

We're doing best case scenario, as you said, Brooke, I'm on your page.

All right, let's just call it.

Okay, here we go. Hopefully it's something totally unrelated to other dudes, but let's find out.

Hello.

Hey, my name is Jeff from the radio show Brook and Jeffrey in the Morning. Is this Haley?

Yes? Who is this?

This is what I said at the start of the sentence. Jeff from Brook and Jeffrey in the Morning, a radio show.

Okay, I didn't hear you your phone cut out earlier. Who's why are you calling me?

Sorry that we've had very old phone lines here at the radio station. They've been put in since like the nineteen forties. So we got a dollar zero to get out. Yes, rotary, but we're doing this segment. It's called a second date update. I'm not sure if you're familiar with that. No, okay, it's a newer segment than the nineteen forties. It's where

I mean, who are you calling to me about?

Brook?

Do you want to say? Or have you've forgotten the person? I'll step in. It's a very very close friend of the show. Clearly, his name is Roman, that's it. Roman. Yeah, he emailed us and we spoke to him a little bit about your hangout at dinner, and according to him, he said that you two got off to a really strong start.

Yeah, I mean I think we did. What else did he tell you about? Sayings?

Okay?

All good stuff from Roman?

Yeah, he said that you just were such a cool person, really unique, beautiful bro?

Could you possibly be any more general with the description? Correct?

Do you have to say after our first meeting? Those are pretty good reviews, Like you sounded like you both clicked, like the boxes you were talking about future dates even that.

Was a good sign.

Yeah, that was honestly really awkward. I are weird in the moment, Like I just couldn't believe that that was actually something we were talking about.

Oh yeah, that's how Roman felt too. You felt awkward about it. It was like, I don't know, idea, what do you mean?

You couldn't believe you were talking about it is in a good way. You couldn't believe it.

Well, I mean, it's not usually something you do on the first day, and so it was just kind of no, this is new, you know, kind of charring and it made me definitely worry about some things.

So usually talk when you've been on many dates, it's like your fourth date. Then you're like, all right, what are we going to do now?

What we're talking about the next day? What were you worried about? Like you said it made you worry.

I mean I just kind of didn't really know how the next couple of months would look. And to have that commitment chat on the first date, I was like, I don't know really what to say.

Oh, like your life is a little sporadic, like your job or something. No.

I mean, it's just that it's about to be wedding season and I'm in a wedding and going to three others, and I just kind of felt, am I gonna have to invite this dude to all of these weddings now? And if I don't is he going to be a set Oh.

I mean Alexis would know. This wedding season is like a whole thing. Most of my friends don't have money for weddings. You don't even get a plus one anyway, Okay, dating.

You're like looking ahead, being like, is it going to be awkward if I try to bring this guy around all my friends and I don't meet your family member.

I mean two of these weddings are absolutely going to have to meet my grandmother. So it's like, do you just make this person who you just met have the pressure of going to these things? Or am I going to hurt their feelings? Like I just I kind of felt like, you know, let's just wait till after the wedding season is done.

This actually makes sense.

It doesn't say you can't bring an extra person.

But to a wedding season is done. Like how long is that going to be? It could be five to six months down the road that he would have to wait.

Yeah, but we're still talking, Like I'm still texting with him and getting to know him. I'm just not I just don't is he going to be my boyfriend at this point? Like if you are a pressure on the first day.

She's going to say something in sensible No, you're so many steps down the road right now, like you're not in the present.

That's how it made me feel. That's how the whole thing made me feel, too, and that's why I was kind of like, oh my god.

Okay, okay, so you're thinking that he's so many steps down and you're not quite You're not you're not in step with him.

I want to pursue this. I want to I'm talking to him, I'm enjoying the conversation. I just don't want the drama.

All right, This is definitely I don't think what we expected to hear from you when we called you, and it's certainly not going to be on Roman's radar, i'd imagine. But let's find out, because he is on the other line right now waiting to talk to you.

You hey, have gone oh my god, Hi, Hey, I'm sorry. If I made you feel like I was pushing things. There really wasn't.

But no, that's the thing, though you weren't. It was just the situation evolved so nicely that it just sat kind of like, Okay, well here's the next step. And that's a lot of pressure to put on somebody you just met.

I could. I guess I could see where you're coming from. I just why didn't you tell me about the wedding season.

Thing, because I don't know how to talk about that, Like, oh, I like you so much, but I can't invite you to these weddings because that might make you feel weird.

And that would have been okay, pretty sentence.

I feel like this would be a whole lot easier if we had met in September at the end of wedding season.

Sure, you waded through wedding season, but then after that you're going to have to put pressure on him around the holidays that are going to be coming up, and that could be just as awkward, if not more awkward.

That is not helpful, Jeffrey.

I'm just going off of her line of logic. At the end of the day, there is no perfect time for you to start seeing someone.

That is true. There is no such thing as perfect timing. I mean just just doesn't exist.

Unless you're talking about the end of March for that one week, Yes, right after you've gotten over Valentine's right before you get into Saint Patti's Day and all that stuff. Non commitment.

I mean, I just wish Haley could hear herself, Like, you sound so into this possible relationship.

I am, he's awesome.

Wow, it's gonna be so cute when you see him in six months.

Who cares if he meets your grandma and then you end up breaking up? Come on, Like, if you guys don't even want to go to the wedding, why does that even matter?

Though? Like, I don't understand my Grandma's gonna freaking love then, Like I know that, and then she's gonna feel bad if we don't work out.

Oh my god, there's so much pressure.

But what if you do work out? Like what if we looked at that angle instead?

Is that realistic?

Though? Life is sure? Bring them to all the weddings.

I mean, honestly, we're going to ask the question here in just a second, but we haven't heard from Roman in a little bit. So, Roman, is there anything that you have to say to Haley?

Yeah? I hate that you're putting so much pressure on yourself and us. I can work around your schedule and it would make you uncomfortable for me to come to one of your weddings. I just won't come.

Yeah, they're not her weddings at least, I don't think I would hope not friends and family members and Grandma's there, you.

Know what, I just want to see her. So whatever she feels comfortable with, however that works, I'm.

Good, h Haley. That could not have been a better response.

Seriously, So at this point, we would like to offer to pay for your next date with Roman, whether that happens next week or at the end of September, whenever you're comfortable, we will fund it. If you say yes.

I would love to him again, and so if he's cool, and we'll just take it day by day. I guess the.

Only way you can take it.

Okay, now to put a final stamp and seal on this, can we get Grandma on the phone and get her blessing to.

You'd never get her off the phone.

That's a true Grandma. Yeah, I love it.

Brooking Jeffrey in the morning. Isn't it ironic that wedding season almost destroyed a possible love connection Today normally works the opposite way.

I don't know. I think she just would rather go single to weddings.

It is kind of more fun. Yeah, not to be bogged down, but we wouldn't let a wedding destroy love. No, not on our show.

And honestly, I think he sounds like the type of guy that you could bring him to a party and just be okay that he's there. You know, some of them you have to babysit. Yeah, he'll find his way. Yeah.

Leave him by the corner with the losers. Will you hang out with your friends? Yeah, and he'd be cool with that totally.

Yeah. In a relationship, jeff I do hope.

That we get an update update from these two. Will it be in six months, twelve months, four years, twenty years? Who knows when their date will eventually happen, but they do have the gift cards, so it's really up to them and also maybe her grandma too, Okay, Yeah, So we're very excited to hear from them, and you too. If you need help in your love life, email the show. We'll call that person who's not calling you back and go subscribe to our podcast wherever you listen to it.