#50 - Egg Retrieval at 6am. 1st Chemo at 11am | Interview with Caitlin Edmonds, TNBC

0:03  
Hello and welcome to breast cancer conversations podcast brought to you by surviving breast cancer.org. I'm Laura Carfang, breast cancer survivor and founder of survivingbreastcancer.org, a nonprofit organization providing community, education and resources to empower those diagnosed with breast cancer and their caregivers from day one and beyond. Hello, my friends, I'm so happy to be connecting with you this week on breast cancer conversations. I'm your host, Laura Carfang. If you're joining us for the first time, be sure to subscribe to our podcast and receive notifications each time we come out with a new episode. To all of you who tune in every week. Welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. Today we speak with Caitlin Edmonds. She joins us from the west coast just south of San Francisco. We talked about so many topics specifically her journey I asked her that tough question reliving the day she had that she had breast cancer? So for those of you who are listening and kind of curious what happens once you hear those terrible words that you have breast cancer. This is kind of what you can expect. And, you know, I think depending on your diagnosis, you could either have chemotherapy prior to surgery or after surgery if you are a candidate for chemotherapy, and in this case, as Caitlin did have neoadjuvant chemotherapy, which means that she had chemotherapy prior to surgery, she is a triple negative breast cancer thriver and also experienced and chose to have fertility treatment done so that she could preserve with that even that correct term, but she's decided to have her eggs harbored, harvested and preserved. So I think this is a great episode because we haven't yet talked about that topic, and she gives a really great insight into what that process is like and what someone can expect if they do decide to harvest their eggs prior to starting chemotherapy. I did break this podcast up into two episodes. So this is part one. Part two will be coming out on Thursday where Caitlin gives even more advice and her experience using cold caps. So, thanks for tuning in today, and welcome to the conversation.

2:07  
I'm so glad that you are available to share your experience with breast cancer and provide hope and inspiration to all of our listeners. I know our surviving breast cancer community has a little bit of information about you because you submitted one of your stories to us and it went out in our newsletter, which was awesome. Not one breast cancer diagnosis is the same. We all make very different decisions when it comes to our own diagnoses. And you know whether we're going to have a lumpectomy or mastectomy if we're going to take active treatment or perhaps I've spoken with some women also who have decided against chemotherapy and go more of a holistic route. So there's so many like just great topics in this community. I love being able to share that. So yeah, I'm so glad to have you on breast cancer conversations today. 

2:55  
My name is Caitlin Edmonds, and I'm from the Bay Area in California. San Jose, which is a big city. I think a lot of people have not heard of it. But we're close to San Francisco. So yeah.

3:07  
Yeah. I wish I knew this earlier because I was in San Francisco two or three times this past year. And I don't know why our paths did not cross. But next time I'm in the area, I'll definitely come by.

3:18  
Yes, absolutely great.

3:20  
Take me to like the very beginning of like, when you found out that you had breast cancer, sorry to make you relive such like a traumatic experience.

3:26  
That's okay. Um, yes, it was actually, last January 2018, that I was laying in bed. I do self checks. I actually have a friend who was younger than me who was diagnosed ever since her I feel like I've, you know, tried to kind of do the monthly thing. I wasn't super, you know, strict on it. I just kind of tried to do and I remembered, but I actually was just laying in bed and kind of like, just scratching my chest, not even really paying too much attention and I kind of felt something and I was like, That's weird. You know, felt a little bit more and I was like, that's definitely not normal, you know, and I for 10 minutes freaked out completely. And then I pretty quickly actually, like talked myself off the ledge. I was like, there's no way. I'm 30 years old, I have no family history, like I just pretty much I'm a pretty rational person. So I was like, you're not gonna, like spiral out this, like, let it go. It's nothing. I was like, happy to be on my period of the time, I thought it was maybe something hormonal, actually texted one of my good friends. And she's like, I don't know, like, she's had kids. She's like, I have weird stuff like that all the time. And I would worry about it. And so I was like, okay, not a big deal. I'm just gonna, you know, let it be. And then maybe two or three weeks went by and it wasn't changing. And I was like, I don't know, this just doesn't seem like something I should ignore. And so I ended up getting an appointment just with my O.B. and going to see him and he, you know, obviously confirmed Yes, there's something there. But was like not concerned. It's like, you're so young. It's probably like a cyst or something that he's like, it's probably going to be pain to get it drained. But, you know, don't stress on him, he said, but be safe. I do want you to get into a specialist pretty quickly. Just make sure and so that was on like a Thursday, he ended up actually getting the appointment for the first thing the next morning over it like the Breast Care Center. They didn't ultrasound and I feel like two seconds into that. I was like, oh, this is not going well. She pretty quickly, like went from where it was like on my chest over to my armpit and then went back and she's like, I'm gonna get the doctor. I was like, oh, okay. The doctor came in. They're like, yeah, there's definitely something there. You know, it looks a little concerning. I'm gonna have you do a mammogram right now. And I was like, Okay. Whenever I did a mammogram, and then they had me sit and wait for the results of that, and then came back out and got me and they're like, we're gonna do a biopsy. I was like, Okay, at this point. I mean, I hadn't told I mean, my roommate, who's one of my best friends. She knew I was there, but I didn't tell him I thought it was again, assist doesn't get drained. I wasn't worried about it. So I was like, Well, I'm getting a biopsy. Maybe I should like say something I was like, Alright, well, when do I need to come back to this biopsy, like when can I get that appointment scheduled? They're like, no, we’re going to do that right now. I was like, Oh, okay. So I called my mom, you know, explain what's happening. And she, of course, rushed down. She wanted to be there. And I was like, I'm fine. I don't need you to come, but she's like, no, I want to be there. 

6:16  
And so she didn’t even know. No, sorry, did your mom didn't even know that you were going to like get a mammogram or ultrasound or anything. So she's like,

6:21  
She didn’t know know, I was one of the OB like, I didn't I because again, I thought it was like, no big deal, right? And so she's like, as like, I'm at Kaiser, and I'm doing this and I was like, they just seem a little concerned. And she's like, Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna come down there. So she came and met me. And they did a biopsy on the mass, I guess is what they're calling it at that point, which was kind of on the top of my like, left chest and then they did one on it in the large lymph node as well. So two biopsies, and I pretty much sat up from the biopsy and the doctor was like, you know, I can't say anything at this point. But she said, I just want you to know that I'm very concerned and I would be prepared for a phone call in a few days.--oh my god.--Yeah. Which at the time I remember being like really angry that she said that and did that because I feel like those four days were like, awful. But looking back now, I'm really glad she did, because I feel like I would have been, like just floored with the diagnosis, which obviously, it's still scary and shocking, but it did help me prepare a little bit better, I think. And I would have been more scared and anxious. I think if I don't know, I just I'm glad at least I had a few days to kind of come to terms with the possibility that this was happening. 

7:33 
Sure. I said those four days, like, do you Google everything or was your mind racing? Or did you try to stay away from Google? 

7:40
I mean, I didn't Google a ton. I feel like I was kind of in shock. I was a Friday morning, I left the appointment. Again, my, one of my best friends, my roommate, she ended up leaving work and coming home and then we're kind of like, what do we do and she's like, let's just go get out of here like let's do so we drove over to Santa Cruz beach town nearby. So we drove over there we went got ice cream and just kind of walked around and like, just let it be for a minute. And we actually had dinner plans with friends that night I debated like, should I cancel? Should I you know not and I was like, No, I want to go I don't want to sit at home and freak out. So, you know, involved a couple friends let them know what's happening. And then, yeah, I didn't Google a ton because I just, I don't know, I just thought I'll just wait and see. Right. But I was I will say those four days, like were the worst part. Like I feel like once even though I got the diagnosis, I still felt worse waiting then I did after. Yeah. I don't know why, but and I think everyone around me was like convinced like, you know, it's not gonna be that it's gonna be fine. Don't worry. And in my mind, I just felt like, I saw that doctor when she talked to me. And I was like, no, like, it's not gonna be I mean, big picture. Yes, it'll probably end up being fine. But I was like, I'm very was I was prepared for them to call and say what they did. And so I was was actually in Colorado when they called me, which was Tuesday. It was pretty quick. So I had the biopsy on Friday, they called me on Tuesday. My sister, my younger sister was getting married last year. So she lives in Colorado. And so I work in wedding planning and events. And yeah, so my boss and I actually had flown out for the day to go visit my sister and my mom and plan wedding stuff and look at the venue and everything. So we were driving around doing wedding planning stuff when they called. So it's kind of weird to that it worked out but I just I don't see my sister all the time because we don't live together and I was glad in a way that I was there with her and my mom when they called. That was good. But um, yes, they called me on Tuesday and pretty much just said, you know, we got your results back and unfortunately, I'm sorry to tell you that it tested positive for breast cancer. I don't really remember a ton after that. Lots of talking and we're going to get you in and set you up with the first round of appointments and I feel like I just kind of was like heard it was like all right. And I remember saying like you're gonna email me all this right like, I'm like really remember what you told me? And she's like, yeah, I'll send you a confirmation of your appointment and everything. And I was like, Okay, great.

10:06  
And what at that time too, so like, you're with your mom and your sister and you just found out that you had breast cancer? What were your like? What was their reaction to this?

10:15  
Yeah, um, it was weird. I feel like that's for sure. One of my like, most vivid memories, I was actually sitting in the backseat, we were driving, and my boss was next to me, and my boss is one of my really good friends as well. So and she knew that I was waiting for this. So I kind of just instinctively like, as soon as they said it, I just kind of grabbed her hand. And she knew and she was kind of like, you know, I think we need to pull over. So we got out of the car and my mom and my sister got out and I remember my first like, immediate reaction was I felt like so guilty that I was like telling them this. And I'd like described this people and a lot of people are like, that's so ridiculous. Like, how could you feel that and like, I don't know, that's just 100% that's how I felt like in my mind, I felt like I can handle this. It'll be okay, but I know that my mom is going to like lose lose her mind right now. And I just, I know it's not my fault. I still felt bad that I was like putting them through this. Mm hmm. And so we got out of the car. And I told it, the first thing I said was, I'm going to be okay, but I'm like, really, really sorry. And I never even told them. I don't think I don't even think I ever said the words like, Oh, I have cancer. I just think everyone knew. And we all just kind of like stood on the side of the road crying. And then I, we kind of started as like, hey, I need to call like, I like a couple groups, really, really close girlfriends. And I was like, I need to call out and like I need to talk to someone. And so my mom actually called my dad. And then I called a couple friends. And I think we all just kind of stood there like crying and upset and we're like, what do we do now? We're like standing on the freeway in Colorado. And so we were on our way to dinner and we're like, Let's go home. Let's go to my sister's house. And so we went to her house and we sat there for like 10 minutes and I was like, there's a little Mexican restaurant around the corner for my sisters and I was like, I need a margarita. And so we went and I don't think anyone really ate but we all ordered food and got a drink and kind of just sat there and took different phone calls as people kind of were finding out and then I flew home.

12:14  
Yeah, that's so funny. You mentioned like going out to dinner and even if like, no one, like ate or drank, you're like, I want some sort of normalcy, right? Like, this is what we're supposed to do people go out for dinner, like dinner time, like, let's be normal, right? In light of all of this.

12:27
like, being sad like, it was just I was like, I need to, like get out of the house. I need to be around people, 

12:32
And especially when you don't have so much information, right? Like you're not reading your pathology and you don’t know what stage you are. And so there's still so many unknowns. So well, there was that four day of waiting. That is like the worst. I totally agree with you. I hate the waiting period. The anxiety is like through the roof. And and then now Okay, so it's like confirmed, but you still don't have a lot of answers. Or, you know, for my experience, also, like I didn't even know what the path was right. Like you You hear about chemotherapy or you hear about surgery, like, I, when I heard the word breast cancer, I'm just like, okay, like, I don't know if I was naive or just shocked. I was just like, okay, I just don't know what that means.

13:13  
And I kind of thought it would be like the movies like, Okay, I'm gonna go to this appointment, and they're gonna sit me down and tell me like my stage and tell me exactly what's happening and what I'm doing and where we're going from here. And then I went to that first appointment, and I was like, oh, so you don't really like know that? Like, I just thought it was like everyone. I didn't, I had no idea that was even different kinds of breast cancer. I didn't I just thought it was black or white. Here's your stage moving on. And they didn't even tell me my stage really at my first appointment. Because, I mean, they told me what their guess was, but my so I had an enlarged lymph node that they tested and it came back negative. But given all my imaging, they're assuming it was positive and we just got like a piece that wasn't positive or whatever. So they kind of were like on the fence about giving me a stage because they're like, we don't know if there's lymph nodes involved. Because imaging isn't conclusive, but given your tumor size and everything they were, they were saying it was to be, okay. Is what they were going with. But again, it was kind of some gray area there because they weren't totally positive on the lymph node thing, but that's what they were gonna go with. So, yeah.

14:22  
So did they end up doing like other CT scans or bone scans at that point?

14:27  
Yeah, so I so then I went in that next Friday, and I have Kaiser's, they call it like a multidisciplinary breast care team. So I went in, I'm not the best day looking back. I'm like, that was for sure like the worst day of my life. And I like went to Kaiser and they, I get it right like it's, I'm one in however many and but they pretty much I also have a large tribe with me. They all wanted to support and be there and--that's amazing.--So I get that we were also a little overwhelming group. be showing up and I'm sure that wasn't their ideal, but um, they pretty much put us all in a room. You know, I'm in my gown and they put on a YouTube video of what breast cancer is. And that was my first like experience and it was--a video first?--Yeah. And it was like, and I had no I didn't, nothing is pointing to my state. I didn't know what kind and I mean, literally, I was like, Am I dying tomorrow? Am I gonna be fine? Like, I didn't know. They put on a video and it's like a 65 year old woman going through menopause and breast cancer and I'm like, Okay, well, this I like this does not related to me. Like I it was awful. And then the oncologist came in, who was not my favorite person. She was pretty cold. And again, looking back I have a lot more experience now where I get that they're not gonna like sit and cry with you and but she just did not have there was no warm feelings. There was no nothing like that not great bedside manner. And so they didn't tell me honestly, even that day, a ton. It was a couple weeks later when I was on like a genetic counselor called I even found out that I was triple negative. She'd my oncologist didn't tell me that in the beginning, which maybe she assumed we knew things I don't know, I knew nothing again, I didn't know that was kinds of breast cancer and the only thing she really told me was that it was grade three, so it was aggressive. And that she was 100% like, there was not really a negotiation for there will be chemo there will be surgery and there will be radiation. And she pretty much was like, you know, given your age, your I can almost guarantee you that you're going to be BRCA positive. And so I met with her then the surgeon then the plastic surgeon and the radiologists all kind of come in back to back and I met with all them and pretty much the consensus at the end of that appointment was like Carrie, you ready to schedule your double mastectomy. And I was like, I need a minute. Like I don't even know what's happening right now. And so we kind of just left that day and just I mean kind of devastated? Like, we just felt like we had even less answers in a way. Yeah. And thank God again, I have amazing people who pretty quickly just started advocating figuring out and called all these different doctors and I ended up finding a second opinion doctor at Stanford. And we just went to her on like a consultation basis. And it was amazing to met with her. I mean, I felt like I left that appointment and I walked out my dad's like, you look so good. And I'm like, well, I feel like I'm not dying now. Like, I feel like I know what's happening. Yeah, and I feel like I'm, you know, I have it under control. So she explained everything to me, she broke down, what triple negative was, what kind of tumor I had. And she actually gave an opinion on a course of treatment based on my specific situation. So not as much of a blanket. Here's what we think given your age. Given this, it was more like no, this is the kind you have, here's what I think. And so that was great. I felt like then I understood a lot more about what's happening and um she actually said, You know, I was at one Kaiser location, she said, switch to this location, it's way better. You know, find out a team that you trust and like but you know you're going to be fine. You're going to be in good hands. But if you didn't like that oncologist that made you feel bad, don't go back to her. Right? Yeah. Switching, I got it all worked out. And then she actually had recommended, I think you had mentioned we talked about this too, that neoadjuvant chemotherapy. So doing that first. She was actually saying, you know, you don't know if it's going to be genetic and why schedule this huge surgery if you maybe don't need to have this huge surgery. And so do the chemo first, buy yourself some time to get your genetic testing done. If it comes back negative, you can maybe have a lumpectomy instead. And so we decided to kind of go that route. And so yeah, I ended up doing a MRI, a PET scan and a CT scan. And I think because of that questionable lymph node, they really just wanted to make sure things hadn't spread and all that and so did that. Luckily, all that came back clear other than what we already knew. So I did have imaging again, the armpit lymph node, and then I wanted my mammary gland that lit up to which they never biopsied or anything but so possibly two lymph nodes had it and at some point, but again, they're like imaging, we can say for sure. So,

19:26  
Well, you bring up two really great points, I kind of want to like dwell on just a little bit because, you know, a lot of times you know, I've just through conversation, having second opinions is also a touchy subject. I always advocate like, get as many opinions as you need until you find an oncologist that pretty much is going to be your best friend. Because this is somebody who is going to be guiding you through all of your treatment plans and is going to be your like point of contact for the next you know, 12, 18 months, etc. So, it's just interesting because some people, you know, have also this perception of well I don't want to hurt their feelings, right? Like, I don't want to have to get a second opinion because I don't know if that's gonna change how they're feeling towards me, or any sort of like backlash or anything like that, but I just want to let our listeners know too. It's your right to, like, get as many opinions as possible until you understand the information. And if your first oncologist is not taking the time to answer all of your questions, or even giving you an opportunity to ask questions, you know, go out and seek other opinions. And I love that you were able to, you know, have this team behind you with the wherewithal to try and find these consultations elsewhere. So that was that's critical.

20:33  
Yeah, no, and that's one thing that I connected with a few different survivors and everything stands out and I'm like, even if you do feel good about your initial, you know, I still recommend a second opinion. I just feel like having multiple people to confirm that what you're doing is the right thing. It is your decision and I felt so much better feeling like okay, I now have to, you know, different. I mean, they were different insurances, different practices, and they're both you know, on the same page telling me that I'm doing the right thing, and I felt like so much better after feeling that instead of just hoping that I'm trusting the right person, and so, um, I mean, even though like I said, we went outside of insurance stuff, but it was a, you know, one time thing you pay like $300. And I'm like, is the best $300 we spent during it, because I can't imagine if we hadn’t have found, I mean, I would have totally had a different course of action. And the course I ended up taking worked out so well for me, and I'm like, thank God, I like that this other doctor, and, you know, she helped me and so.

21:30  
It was interesting to you about like the tumor cells, like even when you get second and third opinions. I just found this out on an earlier podcast that hasn't debuted just yet. But we were talking to, you know, one of our sponsors is an organization called Store My Tumor and they do tumor preservation. And he pretty much like we spoke for like an hour and a half about, you know, genomic sequencing, sensitivity, sensitivity testing, immunotherapies and being able to use your tumor cells for like precision, precision medicine and from that conversation he was telling me about the complexities of these tumor cells and how if one doctor is testing your tumor, and then you get a second or third opinion, and they're testing it, even within the same tumor cells, depending on where they're pulling that data from, you can get different results. Right? And so I think that's really important to keep in the back of my mind. That was the first time I heard that because a lot of times you're thinking okay, I need to exact opinions, but different philosophies definitely weigh into that and, you know, in your experience really highlights this right, like starting off with a double mastectomy versus getting the gene testing done and starting off with the neoadjuvant chemotherapy. So, you know, there's no like right or wrong, but I think it's important to find that fit that you feel comfortable with.

22:47  
Yes, and I feel like once I, you know, had that second opinion then I ended up switching to and I found, like you said like my oncologist became my best friend like I like was loved her so much. still love her. And so I end up finding her so we kind of came up with a plan, you know, start chemo first, followed by surgery pending how chemo went, what kind of surgery and then radiation was pretty much always on the table. Like they were never like 1,000%. But I got the impression yes, it was happening. And so and then we do the genetic testing and wait for that. So after my, you know, PET scan and all that stuff came back and they're like, okay, we you know, we want to get a schedule and I think it was at this point, probably, I mean, I was diagnosed February 6th. And, you know, we're probably two weeks later at that point, after all that testing and everything had come and I hadn't gotten the genetic testing back yet. So we decided we're going to do chemo first and because of my age, and the kind of chemo was getting it was, you know, likelihood of causing infertility. So I decided to do the egg preservation, fertility treatment first. And so I remember asking, I was like, okay, well, I met with, you know, the fertility thing, of course. is optional, and so it's not covered by insurance. So I ended up going through Stanford for that, because it's like what's not covered by Kaiser anyways, um, and Stanford had a great kind of quick start kind of program for people in this situation. And so it was nice because I didn't have to, like, explain everything. I got hooked connected with a fertility doctor who was like, Oh, I know exactly what kind of cancer you had. And you know how quickly things need to go. And so I had my egg retrieval, I think scheduled for March 3. And I was like, okay, so when I start chemo, and she's like, March 4, I was like, wow. And she's like, Yeah, I know, its aggressive. You know, we don't want to waste your time, like we need to get started.

24:41  
Yeah. Can you explain a little bit more about the egg retrieval process? Like what does that entail?

24:46  
Yeah. um, so it's lots of ultrasounds and pretty much you know, giving hormone shots every day, and the behind it basically is to try and speed up the process of, you know, you know, getting your follicles bigger so they can do the egg retrieval surgery. Most people I think do it over, you know, three months or so I had about three and a half weeks. And so I was, you know, going a little bit quicker, higher doses going in every two days for ultrasounds to see how things are going. I mean, in the beginning, I couldn't even like see a needle, look, a needle across the room hated it. And then you know, you're learning to give yourself shots in the stomach every day.--Oh, wow.--Which at the time, I was like, Oh, this is awful. Now I'm like, I'm kind of glad I did that. First. It was a very good intro as to like, what the way were stuff that was going on. Um, so I did that.

25:44  
Were there any side effects from like the shots or anything?

25:48  
No, it was pretty I didn't notice a ton. I know some people said they get like mood swings or different things. I didn't notice a huge difference um doing the shots. I mean, it's a pain more than anything else, you have to do them at like the same time every day. And like I mentioned, my sister was getting married last year. So we had like her bachelorette party during this, like night, I'd have to be like, I have to like leave dinner and go back to the house and like do shots, not do my job. Then I can come back to the bar. But and so towards the end, we're getting close to my scheduled retrieval day, and the doctor was like, you know, you're just not going as quickly as I would like, I really think that we should push the date. And I think you need more time. I just don't think we're going to, you know, get as many eggs if we do it now. And I remember sitting there and just kind of like, again, I'm a pretty like, logical person. And I just kind of was like, I know this sounds morbid, but like, eggs don't matter if I die, so I'm not delaying chemo. I'm not like we gave it our best shot. And whenever I get I get and if it's nothing, it's nothing and it's 10 is 10 great, but I just remember thinking no like, I'm not risking this cancer progressing and getting worse. They told me how aggressive it was. I want to keep it as planned and move on. So we ended up scheduling it. She was like, Okay, well, I'm going to push it as far as I possibly can. So my first chemo was scheduled for March 8, which was the day after my 31st birthday. And so I think chemo was at like, 11am. And so my fertility doctor scheduled egg retrieval for that same day at 6am.

27:27 
Oh my gosh

27:29  
Yes. Which I don't recommend. That would be a tip.

27:34  
That’s a lot. Absolutely.

27:36  
Yeah, it's doable, but it's not.

27:38  
Yeah. Did you also have a port placement scheduled for that day for the chemotherapy?

27:43  
I had the port about a week before a week before okay.

27:47  
So and that's really good to know, too. I don't know if you have if you were given the choice or not given the choice, and I got my port place the same day as my chemotherapy. And so I thought that was a little strange. Because, you know, you're always told to like, you know, keep your wounds clean and you know, not infected and I'm like, but now we're like, I just had the surgery. I got my port placed, and now you're putting like toxic chemotherapy drugs in my body like are we sure?

28:14  
I was sore after they put my port in. So I feel like that would like hurt if I had to access it like the same day.

28:20  
Yeah, it was I guess it's what my hospital does is standard and they were telling me and but I've also talked to a lot of other women who get it done earlier, which I think gives you time to heal. And again, it's just this less overwhelming type of day I remember being wheeled into and, like the surgery surgery place where they're placed in the port, and I've never had surgery before I barely like I've never broken a bone or anything, right. So you go in here and I swear it's like watching like ER or something like you have all the lights. Yeah, like big crazy lights. And, you know, I was ready to get off the gurney and like into the on the operating table. And they're like, nope, just lie down. We'll pick you up like these four people. Come over and move the sheet over. I'm like, this is really weird.

29:03  
I remember them like standing in a corner being like, okay, we have a 30 year old female, like that ended up and I was like, whoa, and they're like, okay, this is like a TV show.

29:12  
Exactly. They had I was under anesthesia, but it was kind of like that Twilight anesthesia. So you're kind of awake. You couldn't feel anything?

29:21  
The whole time. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I think they gave me something. But I, it was so fast. And I remember feeling like whoa, relax. But I was like 1,000% like coherent and awake the whole time.

29:33  
Yeah, yeah, I remember. Yeah, it was very like tranquilized. Um and then I think after that it was.

29:39  
At one point I was hurting the Twilight and I was like, my whole body just went like, very relaxed.

29:44  
Right? Yeah. And then I remember waking up from that or just like being more like awake after that and I was sick. So the anesthesia made me very nauseous. So right away, I'm like, oh my gosh, like I haven't even started my chemotherapy yet. I'm already having a reaction to the anesthesia.

30:02  
Yeah, so actually I am I was fine with the port, but when I did the egg retrieval surgery, which they do, same thing you're not it's not general anesthesia, but I was, I mean, as far as my consciousness like 1,000% out cold, no recollection, they wheeled me back to like, we're gonna introduce your team before surgery and I don't remember any of that, like it was I was gone. And so when I woke up from the egg retrieval surgery, or um, they pretty much check my vitals made sure I was good. And we left Stanford and went over to Kaiser to start chemo and I did the cold cap, which we can get into that whole thing. But we started that and then I was okay, through chemo. I'd started with the AC so it's fairly quick. As far as chemo goes, I feel like it's not one of those, you know, nine hour ones where you're sitting there. But as it was going, I was feeling worse and worse and worse. And then pretty much as I remember, towards the end of it, they still I was going to have to do the self injection. I didn't remember what they were called now, shots during--the Zoladex?--I don't think it was? Maybe the Zoladex?

31:11  
I had zoladex, which was like a huge one in my stomach. And then there was also like neulasta, I think was another shot that I got, like the day after. Yeah. Which is really funny, because now I see they're like advertisements on TV. And I'm like, oh, I was on half of these drugs.

31:29  
And I can't remember what it was called. But um Zarxio I think what it was, um, but it's basically it's similar to all those except instead of going and getting one big dose, you're basically giving it to yourself every day and it's to boost white blood cells and, and so I remember them coming in to like, talk to me about all that and I was so out of it. At this point. I remember saying like, Can you go get my roommate in a way to in the waiting room and tell her all this stuff? Because I'm not like, alive right now. Right? And then chemos done. They like unhooked me and I like I ran to the bathroom and got sick. And so in my mind and then we went home the next 24 hours. I mean, I threw up every 20 minutes, non stop, and I thought it was chemo I was like, petrified I was like, oh my god, this is what this is gonna be this my roommate my mom are calling like, the infusion center and they're like, they're like, this is not normal. Like there is no way like we do not have anyone this sick this quickly from eat like that's not you know, you're on how many anti nausea drugs? Yep. And then we kind of started piecing it together and we're like, oh, it's the anesthesia from egg retrieval surgery. It was making me so sick. So pretty much 24 hours from surgery had worn off and I was like, functioning again. 

32:40  
Yeah but how horrifying right? Like you're going through all of this. It's hard to pinpoint why like what's causing the nausea and the sickness and about the egg retrieval piece piece. Were you in, were you sore for a period of time or were you okay afterwards or what was the

32:57  
I will say who knows if I had just done That and gone home and like rested on the couch for three days, if it would have been different but I had no cramping no nothing. I think I got three eggs, which is low for what they want. But at the end of the day, like I said, I was like, I'm good with whatever happens and whatever is meant to be. And so, no, I didn't. Other than sick from the anesthesia. I had absolutely zero side effects from the egg retrieval. So it was, you know, pain free. I didn't obviously feel anything during surgery feeling afterwards. Like I said, I don't even have like a cramp afterwards.--Excellent.--Again, would that have been different had I not have other things to focus on? I'm not sure. But it was. I mean, very, very easy as far as other than the anesthesia that made me sick. 

33:46  
Excellent. That's good to know. Um, this was a topic we haven't yet covered on breast cancer conversation. So I appreciate you taking the time to kind of give like the play by play and what people can expect to experience with your experience. So during all of this time, do you get your genetic testing back?

34:02  
I got it back. Yes, um, that would have been the end of February. Because I actually was when I was, it was, as I landed for my sister's Bachelorette in San Diego is when they called me. And it was negative. And I was shocked. I mean, everyone around me convinced me that it would that would be that and it was weird because I remember thinking like, that's this is such good news. Like, I'm happy for my sister and my nephews and my family that you guys worry about this. But it was a small part of me that was felt like that was my reason. Like, this explains why this happened to me at 30. And now I kind of felt like, well, then what the hell? Why did that happen? At least that was like a very obvious thing of like, why? But overall, obviously, it was great. I was super relieved and happy that I didn't have to worry about that.

34:51  
That’s wonderful news.Yes, absolutely. That recently happened to me too. So when I did, I did just the eight panels of testing. I know people can choose like or something.--I did like 42 or something--So you got like a huge like all of them pretty much like

35:03  
I did like, again I that genetic counselor called me and she explained how many they can do. And she's, you know, some people want to know nothing. Some people want to know everything. And I and she's like, you know, I gotta go through counseling, she's like a lot of it's like, we give you this information, there's nothing we can do. We can't test test, you can't screen us, you're essentially just living with this fear. But I again, I'm kind of more realist and rational. I was like, I just rather know, I would rather know. And then I can at least look up like, you know what foods can cut and try and like, change my lifestyle to help. So I just wanted to know, as much as I could. So yeah, I did all like 42.

35:36  
That's wonderful. And I think that's a really great point to like, once you know this information. If you know that you're predisposed to x, y&z type of disease. There's definitely lifestyle habits that you can change to lower your risks. Yeah.

35:48  
Yeah. Isn't that a weird feeling? Like, all mine came back negative. That's good. I did have one. What do they call like variants of unknown significance? Yeah. Which I sometimes think is weird. It was with him. The BRCA gene, it was like a, one of my proteins is folded, I don't know, very scientific explanation she gave me but essentially, you know means nothing to them at this point, I even took my genetic results to my second opinion doctor and verified that she agree that that unknown significance was actually unknown significance. And she agreed. So of course, who's to say in 10,15 years if those results change, and there is something genetic, but as of now.

36:28  
Yeah, that's funny, you bring that up. So that happened to me also with a BRCA gene, it came back with a variance of what did you say that significant? unknown significance? Yes, I don't know. I have the hardest time pronouncing that. And just the other day, a couple weeks ago, actually, I got a letter in the mail confirming that it did come back negative. So they were able to collect, collect enough data to be able to say 90% of it was negative. And so my genetics counselor too was very like, you know, cognizant of like saying, we cannot say 100% But because we have enough information just support 90% we were treating this as if it were negative. So same thing I'm like, oh my god, this is great. And then I'm like, but then why?

37:07  
Yeah. Which I mean, we will probably never know anyways, but yeah, it was a good thing but I remember being like, well, he's not like, you can kind of be like, Okay, this is why its happening, not like something or I don’t know.

37:22  
But I mean what great news to like your mom, your sisters, nieces and nephews and family. To know like okay, so yes, this is sporadic that sucks. It's a million things can contribute to cancer, but luckily, it's not part of the genes. Caitlin, thank you so much for taking the time to walk us through your diagnosis and shedding light on the entire roller coaster that you went through these conversations with your family members, your friends, your best friend, dealing with fertility questions, the necessity of starting chemotherapy so soon because of your cancer type, I really enjoyed having you on the show today. Thank you so much. And I can't wait for episode number two to come out later this week for you to talk to us about cold caps. So for those of you who don't know, cold caps is a tool that people can use to mitigate some of the side effects of chemotherapy. So later this week, Caitlin is going to talk to us about her experience using cold caps and I’m so excited for that, so feel free to tune back if you haven't subscribed yet, please do. Give us a like and share. Thank you. Thank you everyone for listening to our show. I would like to acknowledge all of the information that our podcasts are from personal experiences, and are not a substitute for professional medical advice, you should always contact your medical coaching. If you're looking for specific topics or would like to be a guest on our show, please feel free to reach out to me. My email is laura@survivingbreastcancer.org Until next time, keep on thriving.

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