Welcome to brain Stuff production of I Heart Radio. Hey brain Stuff. Lauren Bolga Baum Here, love can certainly be a many splendored thing, but what is it about we humans that makes us long for love in the first place? Before the article This episode is based on How Stuff Works. Spoke via email with Dr Nicki Nantz, a licensed psychotherapist and professor at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida. She said, generally speaking, human pair bonding is a drive to keep
the species in existence. Today, falling in love is socially defined. If we didn't have love stories to establish the expectation of falling in love, we might not do it. We would still bond though. How Stuff Works also spoke via email with psychologist Dr Beverly Palmer, the author of Love
Demystified Strategies for a Successful Love Life. She explained a theory for how our sense of love develops called attachment theory, which states that the beginning stages of love, as well as how we pursue it and give it throughout our lives, can depend a lot on our parents. She said, we are born as helpless infants dependent on our parents to fulfill our needs. Love then becomes need fulfillment, and we
seek this same love out as adults. Palmer explained that according to attachment theory, children are protected and nurtured by available, responsive parents and have their need for emotional nurturing satisfied. Therefore, they learn to love the parents in return. And in this theory, what children learn about love from their parents
determines how they learn to love others as adults. That's not to say that people from less than perfect homes are not capable of forming a good loving relationship, but they might need to do some extra work to get there. And remember, for that pair bonding that Nance mentioned, well, it happens for a reason, she said. Our brain is set up to support pair bonding. When people fall in love, they go into a state of lamberance. Lamerance is a
fancy way of saying infatuation or obsession. This happens because our brains and hormones go wild when faced with a sincere love interest, and Nance explained, when we are in the company of the loved one, the brain produces more serotonin, which gives a sense of well being, more endorphins, which are natural painkillers, and more dopamine, which increases pleasure. The good feeling is a reward that makes us want more.
Although serotonin levels do vary from person to person, they can also go down during the head over heels process. As a result, decreased serotonin may produce obsessive type symptoms that cause some people to think of the person there in love with constantly. The hormonal reaction aren't limited to romantic love, though. How Stuff Works also spoke with Joe Bates, a psychiatrist and author of Making Your Brain Hum A
hundred and twelve Weeks to a Smarter You. He said, viewing pictures of beauty, nature, a loved one, or even your beloved pet can cause us to feel relaxed or produce loving emotions releasing oxytocin in the bloodstream. Oxytocin is another hormone that our bodies make, a one that can increase bonding tendencies. But why do some people find love more easily? Occasionally eyes meet across the room and the rest is history affirm most of us. However, falling in
love is more complicated. You have to be ready to give and accept love, which it's not always easy to do, and it can come down to timing, chemistry, and common ground. Although the old saying opposites attract remains prevalent, it's actually false and cases how staff Works also spoke by email
with relationship expert Kevin Darnay. He said, the goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last, but not least, has a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. If you've ever looked back on an earlier romance and wondered what you were thinking, you're
not the only one, Dinah said. The truth is we really don't begin to craft a mate selection process or must have list until after we've experienced some heartache, betrayal, and disappointment. Whatever we think makes for an ideal mate at age seventeen is not going to be what we want for a mate at age five or thirty five. At the end of the day, love is relative, so don't expect your relationship to look, feel, or act the same as past experiences or like those of your friends.
And Darnie said, Ultimately, we're looking for someone to love us the way we want to be loved. If we don't feel loved. It doesn't matter what's in our mates heart. Today's episode is based on the article why do We Fall in Love? On how stuff works dot Com written by Leah Hoyt. Brain Stuff is production of I Heart Radio in partnership with how stuff works dot Com, and
it's produced by Tyler Klang and Ramsey Young. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.