Welcome to brain Stuff from how Stuff Works, Hey, brain Stuff, Lauren vocal bam. Here nobody tells us how to do a breakup. We get advice, encouragement, and insistence when it comes to entering romantic relationships, but when it comes to splitting up, we're on our own. Literally. Sure, we have condolences murmured to us by anxious eyed friends and family for a few weeks, and it's generally accepted that unusual ice cream eating behavior, possibly combined with a drastic haircut,
might be in order. But otherwise we're given free rein to melt down in the manner of our choosing. After a while, though, people start rolling their eyes. Why does she still look like she's going to a Morrisey concert, they ask each other. Or why can't he stop texting her at midnight apologizing for not having unloaded the dishwasher?
More often, the truth is breakups are personal. The sudden dissolution of a relationship with the human we're emotionally closest to can cause the sensation of life collapsing in on itself. We spoke with Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling Associates for well Being in Athens, Georgia. She said, a breakup or divorce is a loss that needs to be grieved, and it often affects self esteem and identity and sometimes
even a sense of safety in the physical world. It can mean the loss of the significant other and the relationship, but also the death of the dream one had for a life imagined or planned with that person. It's a big deal and emotional healing takes a little time. But if you don't have time these days, there's always break
up boot camp. In an age of SPA retreats and clean living seminars, breakup boot camps have sprung up to fill a need to make the broken hearted feel as if they're doing something besides wallowing in their own psychological pain, in addition to giving them concrete steps for moving forward
with their lives. And it's a big business. Let's take, for example, the renew Breakup boot Camp, which runs retreats out of New York and California and touts on their website a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. You can participate in one of their weekend getaways, communing with psychologists, life coaches, energy healers, and tantric yoga instructors in addition to others struggling with the aftermath of a big breakup for between one thousand two dollars and two
thousand four dollars. If that's a little rich for your blood, you can sign up for text messages from a relationship guru for nine dollars a month, or take a thirty day email course for a hundred and forty nine dollars. A M. E. Chon, relationship columnist and founder of Renew breakup boot Camp, invokes the combined powers of neuroscience, psychology, yoga, meditation, and energy healing to cover all of your post breakup bases, But it seems like that's the kind of firepower required
for the tall order she's promising to fill. According to her website quote, Renew provides a safe space for women to heal past wounds, rewire unhealthy patterns and limiting narratives, and enter the next phase of life with inspiration and empowerment, all over the us of a long weekend. Other breakup boot camps claim to have hit on similarly effective formulas for ushering the trauma addled love lorn through the healing process. One such program claims a three step program is the
way to go. Acknowledge your own role in what happened, admit you're better off without that person, and accept that the relationship is over. But is all this kerfuffle needed for something that the vast majority of us will go through at least once in our lives. On the spectrum of trauma a person can experience, how bad can it be? We also spoke with Anne Bellwood of Many Colors Counseling, who specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community.
She said people are dealing with all kinds of things during breakups. Psychological trauma is a subjective experience, meaning it is defined by you and it is characterized by feeling extremely helpless and overwhelmed. The loss of a close relationship, especially depending upon the details of your situation, can absolutely make you feel this way. I clients deal with this by restoring a sense of control over their lives, making meaning from the past, and restoring hope in the future.
So maybe the need for things like breakup boot camps has more to do with our need for extra help in all areas of our lives that we're constantly holding together until the end of an important relationship brings it all crashing into our laps, and although eating delicious meals, doing yoga and talking to neuroscientists, life coaches and other people who have recently been through breakups can definitely help healing unhealthy relationship patterns can take a lifetime, not just
a weekend. Morgan said, I personally think the boot camp idea sounds fine, but I would look at it more as a retreat and a way to get support or jump start the healing process. I would caution someone planning to attend that they shouldn't expect a quick fix. Breakups can bring up long held, painful wounds and negative beliefs, but they are actually a good opportunity to change the narrative.
This doesn't happen overnight and requires some work. A breakup can actually be a positive sign of growth that want changing a pattern or not willing to accept unacceptable behavior anymore. Today's episode was written by Jesselyn Shields and produced by
Tyler Clang. Brain Stuff has merchandise now. You can contain your liquids, electronics, and or body in brainy style by visiting te public dot com slash brain stuff and of course for more on this and lots of other open hearted topics, visit our home planet, how stuff Works dot com.