Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio, Hey brain Stuff, Lauren bob obam here. At some point in our lives, at multiple points, we all grieve in ways personal and public, in ways silent and loud. These days, though, grieving has taken on new forms because of the coronavirus pandemic. We can't yet safely soothe those who have lost loved ones with a hug or an arm around the shoulder. We can't yet, for fear of spreading the virus, gather
safely to say goodbye. We can't be there for others physically, and others can't be there for us. An expert say that being there is one of the most important parts of the grieving process. It's been devastating for the article that this episode is based on. How Stuff Works spoke with Catherine Sheer, a professor of psychiatry in the Columbia School of Social Work and the founding director of the
Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia Universe City. She said, I think that I would say we're probably on average, we're probably doing okay. But one of the things we're doing is acknowledging it, which is huge. Often grief is something that we kind of half acknowledge as a nation. Shear says it took the U S sometime to face up to the very real impact that the pandemic is having.
She points to memorials that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris held in Washington, d C. Initially as President and vice president elect and later as President and Vice president as important, if somewhat belated first steps. Sheer said that kind of thing we're not doing very well with, and we need to do better because it's very helpful. And of course we're not doing well with the disparity issues either. We're subjecting some of our most vulnerable populations to grief as
well as death. But the spotlight on grief as the pandemic has worn on has intensified, and that's good. Sheer said. There's been a massive increase in the interest in understanding grief and helping the public understand it and deal with it. In that way, I think we're doing very very well. Finally, we're paying attention to something that is always important in our lives. People are so much more aware and respectful
of grief than they were a year ago. The amount of grief that has accompanied The pandemic is staggering in itself. Around five hundred and forty three thousand people have died in America alone and close to three million worldwide. Coupled with the restrictions put on us in our grieving, the damage to the living is compounded. Those normal rituals of grieving, things like funerals and wakes, family meals, family and friends gathering, are extremely important, Sheer said. They help you feel like
you belong. Everyone is joining you. It's something familiar. It sort of brings you into the living world. It acknowledges things have changed for you in a big way. There are so many benefits to those rituals. We have to simultaneously accept the death and honor the person who died, and also move forward in our own lives without those rituals. Especially early in at the beginning of the pandemic, people felt lost. But as the pandemic has stretched into a
second year, people have found alternative ways to grieve. Video chat funerals can be attended by people in different homes, cities, states, or even more distant. Support groups have flourished online online church services have helped many phone calls between and among loved ones have been used with great effectiveness. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggests that family and friends can honor those lost by reciting a poem or religious
verse within their own households. Loved ones can be remembered by launching blogs or memory books online with friends and family contributing. Sheer said, I think many people are being quite creative and trying to do contextually the usual rituals, and I do think that's helpful. It's still not quite the same, so it's a challenge. Shares Center for Complicated Grief focuses on several steps in the road toward healing, using the acronym healing. Honor your loved ones and yourself.
Discover your own interests and values. Ease emotional pain, Open yourself to emotions, both painful and pleasant ones a trust that you can deal with emotional pain. It doesn't control you. Accept grief and let it find a place in your life. Learn to live with the reminders of your loss. Integrate memories of your loved one, let them enrich your life, help you learn and grow. Narrate the stories of the death for yourself, share them with others, and finally, gather
others around you. Connect with your community, let people in and let them support you. Creativity in finding safe ways to work on these steps is key until vaccine are more widely available, Sheer said. One of the basic premises that I work with is that we all have a natural adaptive capacity specifically for adapting to loss. If you think about it, loss is ubiquitous and human experience. If we couldn't do that, if we couldn't adapt, we couldn't
have a human race. Basically, because when we're grieving intensely, it's very, very debilitating. When things open up, people will have the opportunity to join with friends and family to honor the person who died. Maybe it won't be a funeral per se, but we can have a memorial and that's something we often do. Later anyway, we'll be able to more easily visit the cemetery in those things, will
be able to re engage with people. Of course, all of this is to say that an important part of coping with grief after the loss of a loved one is taking care of yourself. Grief can be overwhelming, both physically and mentally, and maybe more so during the pandemic, So doing what you can to eat well, exercise, and get a decent amount of sleep is paramount. Small steps are okay. Today's episode is based on the article COVID nineteen has Changed How We Mourn on how stuff works
dot Com, written by John Donovan. Brain Stuff is production of I Heart Radio in partnership with how stuffworks dot Com and is produced by Tyler Clang. Four more podcasts my heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.