BBR #148: Practical Strategies for Lasting Habit Change

This episode was inspired by a quote that I heard that said you are either practicing good habits or you are practicing bad habits , and this quote was from Ruthie Bolton , who was a member of the 1996 national women's basketball team who laid the foundation for the WNBA .

I was watching a documentary and she said that , and I was impacted as I sat there and watched TV when I could have been doing other things , which was fine Everything serves its purpose .

But I was thinking about my habits and what they currently are , and it's been a little while since we talked about habits , so I thought this would be a perfect place to do that . I love this quote , but I don't necessarily think that habits are inherently good or bad , because it depends on what your goals are .

You get to decide what you want and choose what your habits are , so it's either something that serves you in reaching your goal or it does not . Habit is a routine or usual way of behaving that is repeated regularly and tends to occur subconsciously , which makes it really hard to change or give up .

Your habits create your days and those , my friend , create your life .

The little things we do daily make up the days and years of our life , and some of the habits that we have have been with us for most of our lives and that means that they will be hard to break , because they have become those subconscious patterns , habits that are tied to beliefs that we have about who we are , what we're capable of .

These are going to be most difficult to break or replace , because changing these means we are changing our understanding of ourselves . We're changing our understanding of our identity and your brain and nervous system don't like a little change . What's familiar is predictable and what's predictable feels safe because your system knows how to do it .

It doesn't mean that it's the best thing for you . It doesn't mean it's getting where you want , getting you to where you want to go . It just means that it is a pattern that is already established , so it takes less energy and provides less uncertainty , which is great for your brain . A habit ?

In psychology , the definition is any regularly repeated behavior that requires little or no thought and is learned rather than innate . Habits are learned . They can be unlearned . New habits can be learned , a habit which can be a part of any activity , ranging from eating and sleeping to thinking and reacting , is developed through reinforcement and repetition Practice .

If your habits don't align with how you want to feel , what you want to have , the way you want to live , you have two options . You can change the habits or change the goal , and either of these are fine . It's not good or bad or better . It's all up to you . You get to choose what you want and what is worth your energy .

And , as Dr Chante Cofield says , borrowed goals ain't the way . If you missed it , go back and listen to episode 134 for my conversation with her about not only just creating your best life , but actually living in it . That is a fantastic episode , so go check that out .

So many times we are looking around to see what other people are doing and use that as a measure of what ? we should be doing , and this is why it can be so hard to start and stop habits , because it's not actually what we want .

But we think we should want what somebody else wants for us , what we see other people doing , and you get to change your mind and your goals at any time you want .

But if you want something different than what you have now , whether that's how you feel , how you show up for yourself , how you show up for others health , fitness , business , whatever if you want something different than what you have now , you have to do something different , and it needs to be your goal , because you're not going to fight that hard for something

you don't really want to do . It's a huge waste of energy .

So that's why shooting ourselves about I should be doing this , I should be doing that , I shouldn't be doing this or that Because these are the things that we know that we couldn't be doing to feel better or get closer to our goals , and that's a little bit different than looking outside of ourselves and saying , okay , this person's doing it , I should be doing

that too . That's my goal . I'm going to do the habits that , like all of these gurus or whoever coaches , all these people are like this is the best morning habit , this is the best you know . Fix your life in 30 seconds habit . Do these habits like I do , and your whole life will change .

That's somebody else's expectation , that's somebody else's goal , that's somebody else's borrowed habit . So it may not be the thing that you actually want or are looking for , which means it is not going to serve you .

So we have to think about are these habits that I want to start or stop , actually because I want them or because I think it's what I should want . You get to make up your mind , you get to change your mind , you get to choose what habits you want , what habits you might want to change and changing habits can be hard .

The whole 21 days to make or break a habit thing is just not true and it sets expectations of quick fix , which is probably why that number was picked anyways . We love that , but it's not realistic .

So we get to the 21 day mark and we either don't have a solid habit and think , well , it didn't work for me , or we get to the 21 days and think we've flipped a magic switch and now we have a habit and by definition , habit is something that we do repeatedly . So we don't get to like there's no finish line , like okay , I did it .

Now that's just going to continue forever without like intention . So the first number is the main evidence backed timeframe that we have currently for habits comes from a 2009 study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology how habits are formed modeling habit formation in the real world .

If you want to look that up , it says that we can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to break a habit , with the average of 66 days for a habit to become automatic . I am inclined to question that . 66 stays for something to become automatic .

Neuroplasticity is an incredible tool that we have , an ability that we have , but it takes a certain cocktail of neurochemicals and a certain amount of effort and a certain amount of long term potential to reach that . So I have questions there , but anyways .

So we have to practice this thing regularly , not just like once in a while , and often we expect results from the work that we're not doing , which would be lovely , but that's not how it works .

So again , we have to either adjust what we're doing or adjust the goal that we have and decide that maybe we don't want to have that thing bad enough to do what it takes to get there , or that it's just not for us now , or it's just not for us at all , or that we want it and we're going to implement the habits that are going to serve us to get there

. We have the choice . There is a pretty big difference between the number 18 and the number 254 days . That's almost a year and that can have a lot of reasons . That can be a lot of different things that create that variation , because people are different and we have different experiences . So how long the habit has been practiced is a big factor .

How long have you been doing this thing ? The ability to change the environment that you're in that triggers that habit is a huge factor . The belief that you can actually change your habits is necessary and not an inherent belief that everyone has , and the new habit that is implemented into place is also a factor here .

And it's easier to switch something out than to just like stop doing something and have a space there where we once did something and now we're just thinking about that thing we used to do .

So with all these factors that make these individual differences , and how long this might take us to make or break a habit , the length of the habit , the ability to change the environment that we're in our beliefs , our core beliefs about who we are and what we're capable of .

we have to take these into consideration , and so I think we're looking at a year and a half to two years . If we're going to look at creating new habits , I think we should expect it to take at least 18 months and after that we get to reassess . But if it's something that we want to implement into our daily life , I think we .

That's that is the decision is to implement it into daily life , not until a certain time , but just as long as it serves us . People try and just stop bad habits and I hope that good habits will somehow replace those bad habits , just like magically and again , we know that's not how that works .

Habits of any kind only exist if they are practiced enough to create lasting patterns in your brain . The number of times that that neural pathway is firing . The more that path is accessed and used , the stronger it gets .

In , the less certain , the less a certain path is used , another path , I guess those confusing way to say that the less a path is used , the weaker it gets . So the more it's used , the stronger it gets . The less it's used , the weaker it gets . I made that really complicated to say and listen to .

Thanks for bearing with me , because I'm not gonna edit that out . So , instead of being being yourself for doing the wrong things I have air quotes going on there or having bad habits and trying to just cut those things out . There needs to be something to replace that space and energy .

Practice the habits you want with intention , and when those take hold and you can feel the difference , that is when the desire to engage in other things , those habits , won't be as strong . Those things won't be as appealing unless they are . And that is when we have to understand that habits are a choice that we make about what we want .

The thing is , it is easy to choose the habit that feels good right now , that takes less effort . Right now , we like to conserve energy and get immediate reward . That is just something about humans . And so patience and doing something that will benefit you later at some point , that takes effort now and you will see a reward later .

It's not as appealing Until you have the tangible evidence that it's paying off , and you have to practice that thing long enough to get that payoff , and that is the hard part . Motivation is a myth , my friend .

It comes from doing whatever that thing is that you're trying to do to get motivated Going to the gym , cleaning the house , creating something , whatever it is . The dopamine hit comes from anticipation of that reward , which means you have to start doing that thing for your brain to have the reference point to be able to anticipate .

Motivation is a consequence of the dedication to take action . It does not come first , neither does confidence . It does not come from being good at something . It comes from you doing something until you are confident . So if we're not waiting until we're confident to show up , we have to show up until we're confident . I have two book recommendations on habits .

One is the atomic habit by James Clear , which is much more popular . You may have seen that I think I know some people have issues with that one . He has his opinions Take what serves you and leave the rest . There's some good stuff in there about how to build habits when we're trying to just take little bites out of a big problem .

And then the power of habit by Charles Doeig , which I am positive . I'm saying his name wrong , but that is a fantastic book that tells us more about the science behind habit , how they're formed and what that looks like for us human beings Both great books

. The most effective way to change what you're doing is to change the environment , which is can be a big change or a little change doesn't mean you have to get up and move . Change something about your environment . That can be the people you're around , that can be a plant in your house , something that gives you joy .

It doesn't have to be a big thing for it to be a change , and this will change the trigger responses that you have to the cue and the reward , which you can learn about in the power of habit . Basically , something sparks your want to behave in a certain way , which would be the habit , and that will change with the environment changing as well .

For example , I quit smoking a little over four years ago and it was largely because I quit drinking , and the two were a pair . When I drank a lot , I smoked a lot to go with it , and I did both of those things because I was uncomfortable just being myself in a social setting without any kind of distraction or a loop of it .

So when I stopped doing those things , things became much more uncomfortable for a long time . So I changed my environment . I wasn't out drinking , so I didn't smoke . And then I changed the beliefs that I held about myself . I am not a person who smokes , and I would repeat that each time I wanted to smoke To this day .

There are sometimes that a cigarette sounds good and then I remember I'm not a person who smokes and it stinks , which I never realized when I was a smoker for 20 years . So have the expectation that you won't see results for a while . It is the tiny shifts that you make daily that add up to major shifts over time .

That doesn't mean if you miss a day , everything is gone and you might as well quit . It is just with consistency , if you miss something , just continue on ahead .

And is the accumulation of the time and effort and the continued building on the reference points your brain has to pull from and the confidence that is gained from doing what you say you're going to do . So here are my top five hacks for habit building . Hack number one Remind yourself every day that there is no hack .

Habits take time to form and that is what you have to put into it the time for them to form , for them to break . Give it at least 18 months to two years . We naturally imitate the habits of those we spend the most time with . This can be not just people in our immediate geographical location .

This can be books you read , people you follow , podcasts you listen to . So stop spending your energy on people and things that are not aligned with the habits you want . That is my hack number two Stop spending your energy and time on people and things that are not aligned with the habits you want . Does that mean you have to cut out everyone in your life ?

No but it means you get to choose to surround yourself with people , things , thoughts , ideas that are more aligned with the habits you want to have , the life you want to have , the feelings you want to have .

Number three Join a culture where your desired behavior and habits are the cultural norm , because new habits seem reasonable and achievable when you are surrounded by people who do those things consistently . If you don't see it in your environment , it seems out of reach or it seems super weird .

Join a culture where your desired habits and behaviors are the cultural norm , because then it's just what you do . Number four add something in the space of the habit you want to change . It is easier to replace behavior than take something away .

And leave a void that you will want to fill with something , anything , probably the habit that was there in the first place . So swap it out for something that is something serving you in a better way .

And number five , number five when you find yourself wanting to engage in old habits or even notice that you've fallen into old , familiar patterns , remind yourself of the type of person that you want to be . And we're not here trying to build ourselves better or fix ourselves or anything like that .

I'm just talking about growth and evolution and maybe taking better care of ourselves . So the type of person that you want to be in regards to the habits that you want to implement . I wanted to make that very clear In this we're going to say to ourselves .

Say to yourself I am a person who , whatever the habit is that you want to implement , I'm a person who reads . I'm a person who runs , who creates plays fill in your own word . Or I am not a person who , in my case , smokes . I'm not a person who spends time engaging with trolls on the internet , shames myself , ignores my needs , etc .

Fill in the blank , when I quit smoking , this one helped me a lot when I wanted to smoke and reminded myself that I'm just not a smoker , not adding like anymore , or I can't do it or I shouldn't . It's just that simple , like I'm not a smoker , so why would I do that thing ?

I don't change in your habits helps you change the belief that you have about yourself . When you repeat a behavior , the more you reinforce that identity associated with that behavior and the easier it is to convince yourself like , oh yeah , I do this or I don't , because you have that evidence that you do or do not do that thing .

These are the moments that in these moments we have that space between stimulus and response and that matters the space between the old automatic reaction and the choice to continue on that path or choose something else . I'm not here to tell you that changing habits is easy , because it's not . I'm here to tell you that it is possible .

It will take time and continued effort and reevaluating the goals and habits . You have to see if they align . Or you want to adjust your habits or throw the goal out the window , and any of that is up to you at any time . You are an autonomous being .

You have choice , but unless we are aware of what is currently , happening our current habits of thought and behavior . We can't do anything about it . Awareness always comes first . It doesn't change the habit , but it does give us the opportunity to choose , and that is all I have for today . Thank you for being here . You know that I don't take it for granted .

I'm so grateful for everyone listening . If you found this episode useful , please share it with a friend . They might also . I do love seeing y'all share on Instagram . I love connecting when you reach out . My info is in the show notes , always . You can always message me on Instagram as well If you would like to connect . I do enjoy that . Until next time .

I am wishing you a beautiful week . I'm out of here .