BBR #142: The Transformative Power of Acceptance in Personal Growth

I just want to remind you , in case you need it , like I very much did this last week , that acceptance is a choice and is absolutely necessary if you want anything other than exactly what exists , exactly how you are and how things exist for you in this moment . I repeat this like a broken record and sometimes still just don't get it for myself .

Acceptance is willfully accepting the reality of a situation and the process it has been to get you where you are , but without attempting to make changes and adjust it to something that looks better and feels better and is prettier and more palatable , more acceptable to you , if you will .

So , in other words , acceptance is just choosing to acknowledge that what has happened has in fact happened and the past cannot be changed , no matter how much we wish that . Our power lies in the present moment , which affects what happens in the future . Thoughts I've had in the past week .

If I admit that there is a problem , I have to admit that I have no control over the outcome , this thing that I want to stop , the only thing that I can control is how I choose to show up in this thing that is happening . I can't actually control myself . I only have control over my relationship to the things I encounter , both within and outside of me .

I had another seizure a week ago . It affected me more significantly than most of the others . These have been happening for about four years and it's about a week later and I still have a bump across my head that hurts . I was at an occupational therapy appointment for my wrist and I was on my way out , headed to work early in the morning .

I was leaving the waiting room when I started to feel the deja vu kind of aura that I get before I black out and lose control of myself , and I didn't want to lie down in the middle of the waiting room to be stared at . I didn't . You know . I don't want to concern other people because it's really . I think it's more concerning for other people Sometimes .

I'm used to it . I've had practice . I did an episode on that and it's embarrassing . So I wanted to make it outside to the grass , which after reflection , makes very little sense .

But this was an attempt to kind of isolate myself from those , from people staring and making this giant , you know , deal about it being embarrassed , and so I was attempting to isolate myself and practice , you know , a pattern of hyper independence , which is a trauma response I carry , and I waited too long and didn't make it outside .

I fell in the entry way and I hit my head on the table that was there so hard that they heard it inside and then came out to help . They called 911 , the EMTs came , took my vitals . Everything looked good , like usual , but they did suggest that I go to the hospital because of how hard I hit my head .

So I went to the emergency department at my work and I was so grateful for the care there . It was a stark contrast from my last experience going to the hospital , which kind of left me feeling hopeless and like what is the point . So I had not revisited that .

They insisted that I wait for a neurologist to come and do a workup and I received better care and more information about my options than I had previously working for months with a neurologist , so I'm very grateful for that .

The neurologist , in that brief amount of time , said that in spite of all of the negative tests , inconclusive tests unremarkable is what they say , which I really love , when it's like your face is unremarkable , your brain is unremarkable , I'm like mmm . But okay , that's what we want in these medical readings .

So they said that they're not positive , that it is not epilepsy , but it could still be psychogenic , because I hold the necessary requirements , I guess , for that . A lot of comorbidities is what that's called . It could be both , so we don't know . But they wanted me to try another medication which I am scared of .

My first experience with taking medication for this was terrible . It just made me feel like I was not actually present . It was just very foggy . I had some kind of suicidal ideation . It just was really terrible . And I said you know , I'm not willing to do that one ever again . So , and I generally just don't like medication .

I'm not anti medication by any means , just something that changes my brain chemistry and is , you know , is expressed , and for possibly forever . It's scary and I don't like it . I haven't wanted to accept that I have these and that there is a way to reduce or treat the symptoms , because I don't like the answer that is there .

I don't want to admit that I might have a thing that requires medication , that requires me to change some things , and so I have taken my ability in that , not wanting to accept what is , I've taken my ability to address these events in a different way , and I have taken that away from myself With the fear that I hold .

If I acknowledge this thing , that might be something wrong with me that I can't actually fix , which there's a lot in there . I don't think that we need to fix ourselves . And this , you know , something not functioning in a typical way or in the most proficient way I can't think of another word doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong .

There is a reason for it . But I've been socialized in a way that we don't celebrate difference and so I'm wondering is this a difference that I don't know yet how to celebrate about myself , which the answer is yes , and that is uncomfortable .

And if I can't acknowledge this thing , I can't accept it , and if I do not accept it , I can't do anything about it . If I do accept it , am I accepting that I am somewhat helpless in a piece of this ? If I admit that I am scared , will I break open with all the other fear that I hold ?

So it's been a lot and I wanted to touch , because I needed this desperately on acceptance , which is not the same thing as agreeing with what is going on or giving into something that you don't like , and it can be really difficult to accept something that will require acknowledging pain or grief or loss .

With the acceptance of what is and the psychological paradigm that was put forth by Carl Rogers , who was a pioneer in the field of psychology and humanistic psychology , he looked at people for the first time in this field as mostly healthy and having agency to contribute to one's own health , as opposed to the ideas of that time that were mostly psychoanalytic and

seeking to discover what was wrong with a person that needed to be fixed . And so Carl Rogers opened the idea , and operated on this idea , that acceptance is the first step towards change , and in this I am in full agreement .

I have said over and over again , and will continue to remind both myself and everyone listening , that we cannot change what we do not first acknowledge . And until we acknowledge something and choose to accept it , what accepts what currently exists , including circumstances , emotion , state of being , etc . We cannot choose then what to do from there .

Acceptance allows us to choose action . Acceptance does not involve the approval of the situation , but instead it just involves accepting reality for what it is and not getting caught up in an emotional reaction to that reality , not telling a story about what that means about us or anyone else . We are accepting the emotions , but not spiraling into them .

We are accepting them and moving through the layers of processing the emotions , because they are like a tunnel . You have to go through the emotions to hit to the other side . But sometimes we decide to stop in the middle of that tunnel and just set up camp and stay there and that is not useful .

So you know , acceptance does not mean that you agree with what is happening or like it . You're not giving up on trying to maybe find something different .

You're not agreeing to what is happening or what has happened to you , rather just giving yourself the chance for hope because you are accepting things as they are and not fighting against reality , which takes so much energy and can lead to anxiety , depression , other kinds of health issues , when we are not acknowledging the things that we need to care for , the

areas we need to care for ourselves .

So we first start by noticing where there is resistance to accepting things , questioning our patterns , being mindful of the thoughts and feelings and behaviors that we choose , and so these are some things that we can look out for these types of thoughts we can be on the lookout for , to notice where resistance might lie when we hear ourselves or notice that we are

thinking Things like I can't deal with this , this is not fair , things just shouldn't be like this . I can't believe this is happening . This isn't right . Things should this should be different . This isn't what I want . Why is this happening to me ?

All of these things are kind of putting a stop to the acknowledgement and the Acceptance so that we can move forward .

So , again , avoiding our emotions means creating more problems in the long run , like anxiety , depression , addiction that help us cope with these in ways that we , when we refuse to acknowledge and accept it and make active choices to deal with these things .

So when we practice choosing acceptance for where we currently are in the present moment , we are choosing to deal with the immediate need for care and regulation and we are giving ourselves the care and regulation needed to access the parts of our brain that can then plan how to move forward with compassion . So that's all I've got .

Acceptance doesn't mean that we're giving up and just staying in this place that we Frankly don't like or don't want , but we can't choose something different until we acknowledge what reality currently is in this moment , so that we can choose something different .

Choose actions , thoughts , behaviors that will lead to something different than what currently exists , and Accepting that sometimes we cannot change .

There are things that we cannot change , and so we have to look at the things that we can control , the things that are within our control , which , again , is the choices we make on how we relate to ourselves , others and the situations around us . So I'm gonna leave it there for today . Cheers to you and I am wishing you a beautiful week ahead .

If you found this useful , I would love for you to share with Someone else who might find this also useful . I find the resistance to what currently exists and the ability to accept and the choice to accept our contribute to a huge amount of our Pain and , certainly , depression , stress , anxiety .

So please share with anyone that you know that could benefit from this episode Until next week . We will do it again . Next week is actually will be the first episode of the next month , so we will be how . I'll have another guest episode , which I'm very excited about , so stay tuned , be on the lookout for that , and we'll do this again soon . Jpb out .