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Colors. We use 'em for categorization, but isn't it about time someone figured out what the best color is? Seeing as how no one in the history of time has ever contested this topic before, [BRACKET!] investigates.
"Ssssomebody's ssssssmokin' 'round here!" Yessir, we're all big Carreyheads aroiund here. "Sssssufferin' ssssuccotash!" The man looks to be as zany as ever in his upcoming role as Older Jim Carrey and we can't wait.
EDITOR'S NOTE: this episode was recorded before the release of Disney and Marvel's AVENGERS: ENDGAME and thus does not discuss a single plot point from said film, like how Danny Phantom shows up to replace Vision or how Antonio Man finds the hidden seventh Infinity Stone hidden deep within Thanos' rectum.
What's a folx to do when you got all these Scotts out there? Compare and contrast them, of course! Ranking arbitrary concepts based on intrinsic value is the only joy left to be found!
Have you ever thought "it sure does hurt to walk around in my bare feet, I wish they made some sort of protection for my sensitive feet"? Well you're in luck!
Dan's at PAX East and Persia's out of town, so it's up to them good ol' boys Cullen and Jesse to take the opportunity to make something the world has never seen before or since: a wrestling podcast.
We're taking a look brack! Recovered from the archives, enjoy this re-broadcast of the very first episode of [BRACKET!], recorded over five years ago when audio quality wasn't even a thing!
It's a dollar menu deathmatch as we kick off Sesason Fifteen with our favorite hot eats and cool treats! Join us for Jesse's least favorite hour of the week to find out which foods are best to dunk in a Frosty and who has the best fries in the biz!
The season fourteen finale, featuring your favorite normal adults who love the Tarzan soundtrack. ROUND 1: School of Rock vs Choco Taco | New Donk City vs Santa Monica | Heart (band) vs Strangers Like Me (Tarzan) | Nightmare Before Christmas vs Ice Cube | Cooking vs Face Masks | Tacos vs Cold Pizza | Commode vs 4th of July | Hamburglar vs Gudetama
Welcome to the first episode of March! Only brackets on this show. Yessiree. No dumb bits that would be exclusionary to new listeners. Absolutely not.
Sixteen sweethearts. Four Goofy impressions. One winner. Joe Manji.
Awww...intervention! Jesse has been spending a bit too much time with free-to-play shooters, so we've stacked sixteen new hobbies for Jesse in a bracket to find out which personal project will help Jesse in 2019! Will he be the next great geocacher, or Gordon Ramsay's new best friend? It probably won't be bowling, though, considering he got his hand stuck in the ball.
Hoo boy this is a sloppy one folks. Just a real nosedive into the mud. We took sixteen of our favorite....modes? And then Jesse fixed himself a drink? And then Persia fixed herself drink(s???)? You can try to put of scoop of ice cream on this episode but I'm not sure it'll make it go down easier.
It's time to party til the sun comes up as the sixteen best nights duke it out from dusk til dawn! Personally, nighttime has always been terrifying. I would wrap my head and neck in three blankets as a kid so vampires wouldn't be able to suck my blood while I slept. My parents were more concerned about me suffocating myself but I'm 26 and still vampire-free so who's laughing now?
Listen up, gumshoes! The [BRACKET!] Archive has been stolen, and it's up to you to figure out which of these sixteen sleezebags stole the shows! Could it have been Nic Cage from National Treasure, or that dastardly DILF y Hamburglar? Did Catwoman pull of this caper or was it the nerfarious NFL Referees? Wait, what do you mean "Jesse stole a belt buckle?" You don't think....it couldn't possibly be...
We've had a lot of fun over the years. We've done Best Cereal, Best Fast Food, Best Appetizer, Best Frozen Treat...but this? This episode? It's a no-holds-barred knife fight from start to finish. There is a standoff in the semifinals that I'm still upset about a week later. Brace yourself.
Should auld arguments be forgot And ne'er brought to mind? Screw that, never let grudges die And auld lang syne.
Here comes Bracket Claus, here comes Bracket Claus, right down Bracket Claus Lane! It's a holly jolly free-for-all as sixteen Santas slide down the Challonge chimney to duke it out for seasonal supremacy. If we weren't already on the Naughty list, we sure as hell are on there now.
Time to crack open sixteen cold ones ‘cause it’s a frozen fight to the…death? Maybe not death. Sub-Zero and Mr. Freeze are on the bracket, but like, so are the Ice Climbers. I haven’t seen those cute little adventurers kill anyone. Yet.
Supersweetsixteenaliciousexpibrackadocious! Even though this podcast thing Is something quite atrocious! If you listen loud enough You’ll always get ferocious! Supersweetsixteenaliciousexpibrackadocious!
Welcome, my friend. Come in from the cold and have no fear. We are always happy to welcome a new Child of the Cube into our flock. There is no war here. No famine. We have abandoned the primitive concepts of Good and Evil for the Six Sacred Sides. Shhhh…listen. Can you hear it? The hum of the Cube, calling on all of us to destroy the Sky Spheres?
We’ve assembled all our best yolks for an eggcellent episode! Scramble together with your friends for an hour of Humpty Shaming, in-depth analysis of Reese’s Eggs, and a shocking revelation about how Yoshi turns enemies into eggs. I’m just saying…have you ever seen Yoshi use a restroom? Didn’t think so.
Cullen Jennings had a birthday this week, so we got him two amazing gifts to celebrate. Dan got him a new, much longer nickname than “Country Breakfast” and Persia got him a solid hour of really mean slams recorded live from a LAN Center. I’m not sure which he enjoyed more.
For our final episode of Spooky Month, join the Snood Dudes as we head down to the Spirit Halloween store and throw our sixteen favorite masks in the cart! Gonna be honest, Ol’ Dan’s memory is getting a bit worse as he gets older so I kind of don’t remember any particular details about this episode except for Jesse burning me about Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze and a whole lot of Snood. Y’all think Batman can play Snood in his Batmobile? This is a dumb show.
WELCOME TO THE SECOND SEASON OF ANIME! That's right, folks. The Anime Entry of the Week returns! Other topics discussed on this episode include: Explaining Harry Potter to Cullen, Milk Crimes, LG Chocolate Shop of Horrors, Choc-Talk with Dan, Would You Dumpster Dive For Yoo-Hoo?
Hot Pockets vs. Big the Cat. Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Everybody (Backstreet’s Back). Sixteen episodes. Sixteen winners. It’s time to clean up this mess we made.
WELCOME TO SPOOKY MONTH! For the first episode of the month, Jesse and Dan forgot that Persia was moving cross-country and Cullen was away at work. Are you terrified by the incompetence of two men? Is your spine tingling at the thought of an eight-entry bracket?
When you’ve got nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, or diarrhea…hey! You’ve been listening to [BRACKET!] We’ve got sixteen of the prettiest pinks we could find and it’s time to see which salmon reigns supreme. And hey P.S. we talked to charity and you can donate to see Cullen face his fear.
Gonna let y’all in on a little secret…[BRACKET!] has been infiltrated by spies. They attempted to sabotage our recording of this episode seven times. Not a joke. Honestly if Jesse is even able to release this episode, I’d be pretty damn impressed. Hoping for the best here, especially considering Cullen says something that will, without a doubt, be in the Bracket Hall of Fame.
Oooh do you smell that? Float through the air with us and follow the scent lines to a hot fresh [BRACKET!] left on grandma’s windowsill to cool! We’ve got every pie in the sky set up in a delicious bracket with a buttery flaky crust. No soggy bottoms to be found here…well, except for Frito Pie I guess. That stuff is just sloppy. A bad bake.
